The Damage Done - Episode 27: The Daniel Roman Redemption Story

yeah we're back okay cool it's been about 6 months since we' done a damn episode and I was thinking about that uh sorry to the people that support us I just I just got to come out and apologize life life happens like a lot of stressful things that put this show on the back burner in that time and I know we've had episodes like this is happening or that's happening but sometimes things that you think are going to work don't work and you can only control as much as you can control but thing I can control is not giving up on the show because we know it's damn good um it's good because people come here and want to hear how people can grow from their damn mistakes with some interesting stories and people do some wild [ __ ] and again you don't need to be a sick junkie F in anything like that to take some damn lessons for the uh from what we're uh accomplishing here and so going forward again we're going to try to do our best to deliver you the content we want to get we understand the numbers aren't going to be what they're going to what they used to be because of one we know you guys come for a lot of Michael Thompson but two some of the people that initially came for Michael Thompson stuck around and watched our other episodes and I'll never forget getting emails from mothers in Ireland and people in Australia and England talking about how there's been some inspiration that's why I initially started this and I got jammed up worried about numbers or worried about names instead of just getting to the core of the content and like yeah life life gets tough even when it looks good on the on social media like that [ __ ] is difficult and you can only prepare for what you know and you can't really uh prepare for the unknown but again what I can't control is we we haven't quit on the show so we're going to do our best to keep this [ __ ] moving forward um and this is like our murder and Redemption series I I I do believe we owe it to the audience to to bring this type of stuff I know I know what we do here resonates with people and this shit's fun this shit's interesting like there's some interesting humans man and Our Guest today I was talking to him before we got on here this is the first time I met him but it's just like can tell the respectful type of individual he was and it's interesting we're we're exactly the same age and we have two starkly different lives and yet somehow someway we're in the same room talking about similar things and it just shows how alike we actually are regardless of what's happened what we look like all that type of stuff and I think that shit's dope yeah and I think CES are coming through and bringing interesting people because like if we just like if you have a story of like pain overcoming pain hardship whatever like we're just going to have a conversation about that to the best of our abilities and then we'll put it out there for you guys to like or talk [ __ ] about or not I don't [ __ ] know but we're going to try to try to put it out somehow we're still getting views and downloads and not losing subscribers and I appreciate that so you know I hope people stick around on this episode we know we'll get it pushing hooked into the things that you guys like and that we like yeah cuz that's all our story yeah and just for our audience to know um bringing people like Daniel here is not to brag or anything about the life that we once lived it's an opportunity for for for the audience to hear that this is who this is what happened with Daniel this is why Daniel gravitated towards the streets um this is where he ended up because he gravitated towards the streets and the outcome of that and what it took what it took to find Daniel to find Daniel and then where he's at today and then where he sees himself in the future like you said earlier you guys are the same age same same age so he's you know he has his whole life ahead of him you know and um and with that being said we have Daniel Roman here and uh let's let's hear the story Daniel let's see what you got for us hey welcome to the Damage Done Daniel I'm happy you're here I appreciate you being here I appreciate you guys for having me so you the what I do know before we got on on camera and got the the record going the red button going you were 15 years old when you got sentenced to 30 plus years in the penitentiary um so starting off like how did this happen how's because I know what I was doing at 15 years I don't know what the [ __ ] he was doing I'm pretty sure maybe what Brian was doing off camera was maybe similar to what I was doing at 15 so I think we did some different [ __ ] like what how did this happen well I was living the street life man um to go to the beginning um I'm from Maui Hawaii wuku we moved to LA when I was just a baby my mother she was never really present in our lives she she lived the street life as well she I mean she did it all from robbing to selling herself drug addict um so I grew up with my father and my grandmother my grandmother passed away when I was nine and she was like the primary caregiver for us I'm the youngest of four brothers we're separated by by CPS um me and my brother David went to live with my dad because my other two brothers have a different father so we got separated at a real early age when my grandma passed my other two brothers eventually came back into our lives and they ran away from CPS so I remember those days where the social worker would come and you know we give the warning and everybody run we go stash them in the closet let the social worker and they're not here you know right right but after Grandma passed we didn't have nobody really to take care of was so I I eventually followed my brother's footsteps they joined the gang first and naturally those are my big brother so I wanted to I wanted to be just like them okay and he always both of them cuz my eldest brother he's not a gang member but my other two brothers they're rest in peace now they both passed away yeah rest in peace they they didn't want me to to follow in the footsteps but naturally as a young knuckle you did I did yeah I did I wanted to be just like them so I wind up getting getting into the gang at a young age my brother Jose he passed away from well he committed suicide for the longest I didn't want to believe it but that's what that that moment right there is what led me into getting into the gang because I came up with this false belief like okay my brother is no longer here but I'm going to replace him I'm going to take the same moniker as him and I'm going to make sure that that name lives on so that was like my driving force within my neighborhood you know what my brother is not here no more but I am and I'm here to keep that name going so I took the the moniker little Shadow and man it was it was Rocky from there on like I didn't spend I was 14 so I was only out there for a year living the Gang Lifestyle but that year felt like forever [ __ ] a lot could happening in you man yeah it felt like forever um in and out of juvenile hall it was it was Rocky man um I at one point I got stabbed in the face and that was like my first encounter of a big big Rumble where I took a I took a ice pick to the face and and it hurt I couldn't eat for two days but the like the love and the the adab boy the he felt [ __ ] cool I felt like the man I felt like the man and and that's when uh one of my home girls she like she gravitated towards me and I started rocking with her the whole time she had her own cars she was she was older than me right right like the people I was running the streets with they were all in their 20s no and you were just a little young wild [ __ ] huh yeah trying to trying to fit in trying to fit in he the same size as you are right now in 14 I'm a little bit taller but I was heavier set but they they thought I was older naturally but N I was just a kid I was just a big ass kid dang yeah so you start getting all this love and attention because you got in this Rumble took a ice pick to the face and now that that like Pro I'm assuming that accelerated your violence and that lifestyle on the streets like like how much more you you got addicted to that feeling and that attention yeah especially especially when I was growing up I I would I would get bullied because of my size I I I look different than everybody else okay right I I grow real nappy hair right so I've been made frun of my whole my whole childhood right so that's what that's what led me to learn how to fight so taking that into the Gang Lifestyle it was like oh this this dude he he can throw him right and he's with it he took a ice pick to the face oh man that's the homie yeah they love that's the homie yeah he he's from the hood he from you know and I was willing to do anything yeah but I'm guessing also especially because you didn't have like the the the solid Family Foundation so like obviously that's your family now that's where you're getting quote unquote love and attention from right yeah it's a Common Thread when we're doing these episodes is like the child it starts at the childhood there's not been one person that's been in these situations that just like had a really really good child childhood and fuing all the sudden just did terrible things like I'm an idiot I I I mean I didn't do the things you did I had a good childhood but I mean I [ __ ] up but it's like different different type of [ __ ] up you know what I mean that's the thing with these stories the the similarities no matter what kind of background you have the similarities are there something was missing at home right something was going on at home um you know and uh he found it in the streets he found it he found the camaraderie he found the love he found the Pats on the back for being destructive he found the pads on the back for knocking people out right because he was a big boy and um and this is why and so finish the story so yeah once Grandma passed like the after school programs and all that stuff they they couldn't really keep us contained at school and naturally we were curious so we took to the streets we took to the streets pops you know rest in peace my pops he was he was a he was a good dad but he he wasn't present because he was going to school and working so we really didn't have no parental guidance or no nobody really around but the homies yeah so I did a couple of camp programs you know um three months here wind up going to placement a Walling just messing up just messing up up to the point where I remember it clear as day we were doing a lot of stuff that day um we were just we were breaking in the cars we were robbing people um we did some other things um and to that night of the crime we were driving down the street and it's me my homie and my home girl and I'm in the back and my homie had the gun and I told him give me the gun and I told him it's my turn that that that's how we would that's how it was like okay you you do this one I'll do the next one right right so it's my turn give me the gun so we're driving down the street we see some dude on his Low Rider bike bhead he had his Lakers jersey on and me and my CME partner we looked at each other and that's the look that we gave each other before like okay this is where we're going so we pull up on the curve I hop out and I'm like hey Omie where you from he's like I'm not from nowhere I was like no where you from let me see lift your shirt up I want to see if you have tattoos he's like man I'm not from nowhere and he like tried walking away from me so I pulled the gun out and I'm like well give me your [ __ ] right so he he wasn't from nowhere but in my mind he's lying to me right yeah he's lying to me he's from some why you got a ball head why you on that Low Rider bike right right and you just down just cruising down the street so I I tell him give me his stuff I go in his pockets and I'm like he don't have he don't really have nothing so I'm like well I'm gonna take this Low Rider bike yeah and he does not want to give up the bik [ __ ] so we get into a tussle for the bike and he tries to hop on his bike and I shoot him I shoot him and luckily the gun jammed because had the gun not jammed I probably would have kept shooting him my right I I probably would have killed this guy for sure so he fell on the floor I grabbed the bike and I don't see I don't see the car I don't see my homies and I'm like they bounced on you no they didn't bounce that's the thing I just everything was happening so fast that I looked around I didn't see them so I hop on this bike and I'm riding down the street and you know you know the rider I can't even ride this bike I'm like oh [ __ ] like why do you even want this what the [ __ ] yeah and then and then all I hear is hey and I look and they pull up and I'm like well I'm taking this bike with me so I grab the bike I'm like open open it back so they open it back I throw the bike in there and this dude gets up and he's like coming towards us he wants his bike back [ __ ] so my other homie gets out the car and he like he like steps to him like and then he backs up and we all get in the car and we leave we got caught about no more than seven minutes later seven minutes later yeah like how is that possible well little did I know there was people watching because it happened on the Main Street okay okay so there was people watching they called the cops so we go and I get they surround us in front of in front of our my Apartments so you made it back like man I got this low rider I don't even like hey let's go bring it to the path and and the whole time in my head I'm thinking I can't wait to tell my brother what I did the whole time that's what I'm thinking I just want to tell my brother man I just shot this fool yeah and he's gonna [ __ ] cosign I think it's dope as [ __ ] you're G to get that love like damn you're wild all that all those props and [ __ ] like that that's all you cared about yeah that's all I cared about and of course now looking back I mean you have regard for human life now with that it was just that was just a part of the game you were playing huh yeah and when they when they surrounded us and they had us at gunpoint we I came out with my hands up and they had us on the curve and my dad came out and all my neighbors came out and of course I'm sitting there D and so was your arrest uh attempt to murder robbery yes it's just robbery attempt to murder robbery but because if it would have been murder robbery we wouldn't be having this conversation how what no cuz that's that's a whole other sentence damn and you said and you know for a fact if this gun didn't Jam yeah this man's and like this man's not living today yeah like that's it I would have kept shooting I would have kept shooting and that that's a weird question to ask but like you know you switch off you says oh give it the look like it's my turn kind of like I'll go out to eat with my friends and it's my turn to pay man like you get it next time like it was that [ __ ] casual for you so this was a you don't need to incriminate anyone but this was like a frequent thing or is that your first experience with with firing at someone that's that's what I want to get to that that was the first time I fired a gun that's so that's what I wanted to that was our first time I fired again but but we like that was frequent for us I mean I'm sure it's not your group's first time yeah I'm sure you guys are uh that's what you guys do and that's kind of why you probably felt so safe to be like [ __ ] get try and I think what what you said earlier the blessing the blessing in disguise is at the yeah for you and the victim that's the blessing in the sky that the gun Jam because again this a whole other sentence when it's murder robbery that's life without that he's not sitting here right now no because it's a murdered robbery and it's you you it's over yeah you so and at this point in time you're probably thinking you're Invincible I remember being younger thinking I'm Invincible like I I know the concept of death and people dying because people have died but like for me it's like that doesn't cross my mind like I'm going to I'm an exception to the rule I'm going to get away with some [ __ ] so I'm I'm guessing that up until that point in time you had a similar mindset like I can do the [ __ ] I want for sure i' I'd never if if I thought I was going to get caught I would never do nothing right yeah but so with that being said when when you're getting surrounded outside your apartment and instead of going on and be like yo check out what I did now it's like neighbors are outside family's outside did you lose that aura of invincibility or you still like thought like I'm gonna get out of this [ __ ] to be honest I was just more I felt more shame cuz my father was out there he was out there and he was just looking and he was like damn we I made I with him and he was just like what the [ __ ] how was it navigating through the juvenile hall system with this case under your belt with this case um well I remember going to LP and I like I said I've done a camp program i' I've done two cam programs I've been to placement so I've been in and out of Los padrinos but this time was different because as soon as I got there the very next morning they woke me up at 3 in the morning this never happened to me they woke me up and they said hey you're going to silmore right now and I'm like why am I going to silmore the compound direct file the compound and I said what what what's direct file you got court tomorrow so you got to go to silmore like now now yeah yeah yeah so I go to silmore and they put me they put me in a secure room at first because they didn't know where to house me because of where I was from and um I I was from 18th Street I mean I I stayed acting my whole time that's where I'm from yeah I'm from Cut I'm from 18 and in La it's like we really don't get along with anybody really so yeah so it's like it's it's it's bad so they have me in the secure room they don't know where to put me because I got 20 enemies here 20 enemies there 20 enemies there and it's like where are we going to put this dude so they kept me in that room for a day the next day I go to court they come they come with the with the orange jumpsuit talking about the sheriff's are going to come pick me up this is a whole new experience experience for me right and I'm like I'm like okay so I put on on they they shackle me up they hit me with the shackles and I remember like this scene is burning to my head cuz when I come out you just see a bunch of kids all in the same orange all Shackled up getting ready for court and I'm walking and every single person hey where you from where you from where you from and I'm sitting there and I'm I'm like all right this my time to shine right chest puffed out yeah and I don't get along with 70% of these dudes so it's like they're talking [ __ ] they're dissing my neighborhood I'm dissing their neighborhood and it's like all right wait till we get to the holding tent and I'm like all right so I already know what's up cuz I like I said I've been in and out so every my whole time in J in the hall I was I've been fighting so it's nothing new to me but I remember going into that courtroom and when they told me you're facing life in prison and I went back to the tank they put me by myself and I just started crying I just started crying like what did I do that's the first time you had like some self-reflection and be like [ __ ] man yeah like take a look at my life because you're just wild and out no no regard for human life consequences nothing so that so you're locked up you're going through all that [ __ ] like you just explained they tell you 30 to life you're having this moment with yourself what what what starts happening from there are you still just trying to be just as violent do you get more violent because you're trying to like numb that pain of like that fear like what's going on well after after my crying session I I I said you know what this is what it is now this is what it is and you know what I'm going back and I'm taking off on the first person that says something stupid to me and it it it didn't turn it down it turned it up that's what so that's right it turned it up and in my mind I was like [ __ ] it nothing lose nothing and lose I'm representing the hood this is what it is now and I'm going to rep to the fullest I'm going to make sure that they don't forget my name out there which is and that's that's what we call uh her people her people right right right because our saying is true my man is hurting he's he just got told you're looking at life look now not only am I angry right not only am I angry but I'm hurting [ __ ] I'm hurting I'm going to make sure that you hurt too and you the fact is he's been hurting for all these years and now it's like [ __ ] like exponentially like deeper paint and he's a kid he's a kid and he's 15 and it's a kid that never had any like full I mean after your grandmother past it's not like you had like full guidance as like a caregiver so how you knew how to surviv was violence being wild like that's it which is crazy cuz let people judge like how could someone do something like that like this type of [ __ ] is how people do [ __ ] like this that's exactly how starts at a [ __ ] young age and all they have as a means of survival is navigating the world like that yeah not that you probably wanted to cuz I think everyone has so much damn good inside of them as as corny as that sounds but it's like I don't think people are just naturally out the womb like I can't wait to start killing like [ __ ] murder's my first wordt murder like no that just it's not a thing um that's [ __ ] up so you get back to the holding tank now you're [ __ ] on fire like [ __ ] hey how quick did someone say something stupid to you uh quick right away well it was it was more so like I got back and they put me they put me in unit y one okay and because that's where I was going to have the least problems and then I remember yeah the least problems and then I remember punching this dude chapado his name was chapado he was from Long Beach and he was the first one he said we're going to get down so as soon as he said that boom I punched you're like yeah we are yeah it's it's going down on my terms yeah so so I I got down with him and then uh the staff Romero he tackled me they put me back in that room for another day and they put me out and and this is this the thing about the juven hall system right they don't want you to keep messing up so they're like they're setting it up to where I'm fighting they're like all right look just don't wild out we're going to give you your chance to fight all these people oh yeah yeah oh yeah oh yeah this happens it's like the UFC man like matchmaking yeah [ __ ] I remember one time I went to LP yeah and the senior pulls me in the office and he had about 15 people sitting Bob slid and that's when you sit like this Camp the N but situation kind all sitting Bob SL and he sat me in front of all of them and he's like these are all your enemies so I don't want you in here acting a fool you're going to get a chance to see all of them yeah so you know I because I went to ya to okay and and um when I first got arrested 92 93 94 so back then it wasn't put us like he's saying right now for us it wasn't a gang thing right if if I had an issue with somebody and if it wasn't a gang thing but but him and I had an issue yeah instead of just going alline and fighting and getting all kinds of people involved they'll be like okay will you guys want to fight yeah okay on Sunday we're going to be able to have the room open up here go in there do your thing come out and shake hands and that was it that it was called the blind the blinds yes I was just about to say that the blind spot they still got they still got the blinds see when I went to uh okay my time in juvenile hallw it it was what it was I I wind up earning my respect my my name was ringing yeah my you accomplished your goal I accomplished my goal right but when I got to ya it was a whole different ball game especially when I got up north to Preston okay because all these dudes that I was fighting in juven Hall were now we're now my boys why because we're up North with the Northerners ah so the whole game the whole game changed okay the whole game and and when I got older I realized how foolish it really was sure like all this stuff that we were doing as kids to come to ya to be best friends to come to prison to be best friends that that dawned on me later on in life right but when I got to ya it was bad because I volunteered to go up north because down south there was this people were saying oh well we need homies up north we need homies up north we're doing bad so a [ __ ] I said oh we need I'm going up north like God and that's the crazy part that this is now like what is it like in 2000s this is 2006 right 2006 1992 it was like I'm trying to stay home what do you mean they need hom I'm try to stay home I'm trying to go to yts but I let it go in the Chad that was my first ya was Chad and it was but it was the numbers were so high for us like you know the southern Hispanics the numbers were high it was like at least is 100 to 20 that's that's not super great that's good for him it was opposite for us yeah when I there was the opposite yeah now that's what I'm saying so now 20 2004 yeah it's the total opposite no I see I see now the southern Hispanics are the smaller population and the northern are just it's more and then and then now again Chad back then was just a regular building now they have cages they have special rooms because there's a lot of little crazy youngsters that want to play with feces and all that they got to put them on special rooms that type of [ __ ] so so now hearing his story of how Y is today I could just imagine like wild wild super because I thought I it was wild when I was there because they used to call Chad Gladiator school yeah and you know this because that's what it was that's what it was big old Riot jumping out on when you when you walk into the trade line and stuff like that so that's how it is and he wants to volunteer to basically lead the the Dream Team like basketball go up there like Hey we're losing yeah let's go let's go let's get a Dream Team going yeah but it was a cold reality check when I got there and there was only four homies in the dorm and there was 19 Northern where you like [ __ ] what did I saw yeah exactly [ __ ] exactly and my first day there I wind up getting to a fight cuz some dude named Patron sat right next to me and they have assigned seats in Y where you have to sit so this northerner sits next to me he got dots on his eye and I look and I'm like what the [ __ ] and that like those words came out of my mouth and he looked at me and we just we both got up and started fighting that quick that quick my very first day and then after that they came they brought they brought one of the homies uh he came and told me oh these are the rules these are the rules and why this is what this is how it is and and we don't acknowledge them as the Northerners we call them the fools and they call us the fools we don't even acknowledge them by by the name so when when we're talking about them we say oh yeah the fools yeah we the only time we ever communicated was if we're trading like maybe a carton of cigarettes for some tattooing or or some weave for some cigarettes or some hygiene for this that's the only time we spoke other than that you could cut the tension with a knife man like and and my whole I was there about almost 20 months 20 months okay my whole time there I didn't sleep one night comfortably maybe when I was in the hope that [ __ ] miserable so you were in a dorm yeah I was dorm living oh Preston was dorm living dorm living me ask a question is by sound silly but you were already sentenced at this point in time or yeah you're already sentenced I already have what's your sentence I got 29 years 29 flat I took a deal okay so that's what to ask you yeah I took a deal cuz you could have got way longer if you fought it and and 29 years started sounding real good to you at that point in time well that I had this I had this lady uh public defender and she came in and she was like look I'mma help you out I'm going get you a deal it's going to be in the teens but I advise you take it because they got you dead bang they got you dead Bang You're they're they're going to come after you because of the gang like take this deal right well after that Court dat the very next court dat she's no longer my public defender so they bring some dude in here and thinking about it now I know why they brought this dude his name was Mr Roman Mr Roman your last name my last name ah and I'm like why did they give me a public defender with my same name so I can feel comfortable they didn't they didn't ask my dad anything my dad was kind of in the blind he was coming now my cousin told me like my dad he was like trying to do his own little investigation that he had his own little folder he was trying to help but I took the deal so fast because I was scared of getting life D and he he he talked me into taking this deal so so let me ask you this you were 15 why weren't you offered a ya number the filed me is it normal for a 15-year-old to face life so today those laws have changed right and I also we'll get into that a little bit later where the laws have changed for the jeenes but when I got arrested I was 17 I got tried as an adult and I believe that that's what you're saying what the direct filing is you're 15 and you're being tried as an adult I don't remember being in High Desert 1996 and there was youngsters there that were 16 17 years old that's in the AG prison yeah in the level four maximum security way after by Reno and they weren't allowed to have a s because they were still young they were still they they weren't even 18 yet they weren't 18 yet so that's crazy so why was that was it because of your past because you did some some Camp time and they say you know what this this because it was again I'm not trying to justify the it was an intemp to murder he didn't died but you could have fought for a y when you would have got out when you were 25 yeah um well my crime all my crime Partners were older than me so I'm thinking they they did that so we can face trial together I I really don't know I don't know why they didn't afford me to go to juvenile court rather than adult Court they just and like I said I took the deal so fast because I thought they were going to give me life in prison and I said there's no way that I want to do life in jail right and and honestly now just hearing your story I think they knew what they were doing I think they knew like this kid is 15 he's GNA end up going white till he's like 24 25 and he's going to come back out and he's GNA still be the same person anything maybe even worse and because you took that deal so fast you get you didn't get an opportunity so back then it was called a fitness hearing so you you you get What's called the fifth Fitness hearing and the fitness ining dictates whether you been you being t as an adult or a juvenile and with me when I got mine because mine was a murder and four attempt with the fire him they said it was too violent so I didn't fit the ya 25 and get out I didn't fit that um and they they sent me to prison they gave me an M number which meant you're going to ya till you're 25 and then you're getting shipped to prison to finish off the rest of your life no that [ __ ] crazy and this is when I I mean I've heard you say some [ __ ] like that before uh talking about the the transition from ya to prison what's that [ __ ] like for you because you're there for years at this point in time and and it's and it's one way of living and doing things and then you're there with the the worst of the worst now like that like you're you're you're at the Harvard University of crime now like when you're going to prison so to speak right like it's that you're no longer in high school like you're in the big big league what's that transition like before that you went to ya first how long were you supposed to be there before got transferred over well when I got there they said I could stay up till I'm 25 but I was messing up so bad that as soon as I turned 18 July 5th I was out of there the 9th they got me out of there they were like get this F in here because we were starting so much stuff and when I was there it started off bad 5 on9 but then they closed down uh they closed down pass roess they closed down uh thewit and then they started bringing more homies they started bringing more so you guys got stronger and I started I was started stuff just to do it because I was getting jumped so many times I said oh yeah payback yes exactly payback remember that one thing you did yeah I do back I remember everything I'm not going to forget this for sure so I was we were starting riots left and right over dumb stuff like any you step on you step on the homie shoes it's going up yeah right and soon as I turn 18 you're going yeah I wait when you're dealing with these people like the the the cops and the lawyers and that are you is there anybody advocating for you or are you just being treated as an adult as a 15-year-old are you are you expected to make your own decisions and that that's what happened it's criminal just cuz you can beat people up doesn't make you an adult yeah for sure because you're physically big or you've done some heinous crime there's a reason as 15 years old you did that [ __ ] and it's just like clearly there's a lot more wrong than just the crime people just talking to you like a man the the court the judges and all that that's [ __ ] up you imagine like 15y olds today like if I talk to a 15-year-old like I'm not talking to them like we're talking to each other that's wild just and a casual conversation it's criminal not a life or death type of thing yeah yeah one question I want to not but I sort of lost my friend I thought was when you took the deal did you ever see your victim ever again yeah he he was he in court yeah he took the stand on me he they asked him who shot you like and in the county you were Blues yeah so remember I got crime partners and they're in blues and I'm in bright orange right right right right so these other dude in Orange yes yes you're like he get got in the banana souit yeah the banana suit you're probably like [ __ ] man yeah he gets up there and he's like yeah the guy in Orange and I'm like like he's he's right but also [ __ ] yeah cold blooded what you brought up just thinking about that and then obviously that's also [ __ ] up no one's advocating on him all the rest of the guys are in blues I mean maybe he could have Blended in it could have changed something if you were in blues too but like true now your codefendants so I had a codefendant I actually had two before one got released but we would always talk it was always a conversation about the outcome you never got got like schooled by them like well take this for all of us well that first court date when I when they put me on the bus I was just sitting there and I was like I don't know what was going to happen and then I see my crime Partners walk on the bus so I would see them every Court dat yeah and it's it's I don't want to say that he he cohors me or they coorse me into taking the deal but we had this conversation like okay take you're only a kid take the blame you're going to get out one day take take this deal because they were offering him 11 but the terms of the deal was he gets 11 I get 29 I I take the blame for the shooting and he just gets he just gets robbery what about the female the female she was never identified right she was never identified so they didn't so it's just you and so she she she gets released right and she and she told me like I take I'mma take care you which was a lie yeah which was a lie and then you know she had the nerve one time to tell me oh well I went to the park on your birthday and put a put a put a cake on the bench what the [ __ ] is that exactly exactly I was like what the hell thank you so much yeah I didn't even get to taste the cake yeah yeah a [ __ ] yeah that yeah so [ __ ] right but you know i' I've heard so many stories and again back in those days because that's the way I seen I used to see it as like well I do whatever I'll do whatever for my homies right it don't matter I took I took this case you know from my homies and uh and that's the mentality that you have when you back you want to make sure that and again gang members right criminal best manipulators in the world best manipulators right because I I'm going to talk to Daniel and he was going to tell him look I'll get in there then you get you're so young you get out and the the the manipulation comes in and um and you're like yeah well that's the homie of course you know because I bet you if you were older or maybe the same age you know not going down like that it was it would have gone down because you were so young yeah you know but but here's the other thing that was a deal that was a good deal you didn't get life so it did it work out for both of you yes was there some kind of manipulative active there also yes of course because if you guys go to the box again you have to r no yeah cuz you're [ __ ] they got they got dead they have the gun too they had everything oh yeah everything they needed they had everything that they had so you're pretty lucky they just didn't want to just go to trial they're just like yeah we're just giving you some [ __ ] like going to crush you yeah or take the take this yeah all right and and my mind is like the question is why 29 why a set like was there like 25 and then four for the gun or well it was it was nine they gave me the max for the attempted murder which was nine and then they gave me 20 years for discharging a firearm damn so you get more trouble for discharging a firearm than attempted murder yeah isn't that weird yeah right that sounds weird cuz like you could just you know think go the May party New Year Eve that's 60 60 this neighborhood it doesn't even take a holiday yeah that's yeah that's that's right I said cuz where we're at said that you know what I mean just Tuesday but I was just like that's 60 years off in the air right there man that's crazy was this stuff H where where in La was it if is that's okay to ask I don't know where happened was it around East LA no it was uh it was border of Paramount Downey oh okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah damn so not right there so n so the attempt to murder okay when you shot him was in the leg was in the stomach arm it was in the back in the back yeah he's he's still good right yeah he's still good yeah have you ever attempted to reach out like no no that's that's a parole violation yeah no I'm saying I'm not I'm not saying I'm saying as far as like because I know you had to go to the parole board yeah to come home uh even though you didn't have a a live sentence you still went to which called the yop Y Defender parole sb26 yeah so so what what his sentence of 29 years after 15 he was eligible to go back into a parole board and show them rehabilitation show that and this is I believe this why cuz you you did 17 so yeah I got I got denied the first time time and then the second time I was Rand you talk about the pro Bo tell us about how was navigating when you finally hit the yard that's exactly what I want to know because he he from a four yard and that's normally life for they Paro from a a lower level because they've been program and right he Paro like from a Maximum Security Prison so navigating through all that how was that experience from there well when I first got to to prison it was um I knew him my mind okay I got to tone I got to calm down a little bit because there's rules there's you got to follow these rules and they don't play in prison well at least from the documentaries I seen they don't they don't play in prison right it wasn't from actual experience it's just from what I that but your idea of [ __ ] yeah my idea of this is the facility that you were in where you got in the fight the first day with the northerner and then they explain to you the rules is that this no no that's that's why leaving there and now at this point he's going to actual like big I'm going to Tracy I'm I'm going to Tracy Reception Center so he's going with the call back then the big house big house so so we get to Tracy and I go with another with with two dudes a black dude um uh they called them 68 and then uh I forgot this other uh well his nickname was clumsy well when we get there clumsy is the homie right he was with me there when we get there they separate us so I'm like I'm like where you going he's like I don't know well I found out he want wind up pcing up soon as he got to the jail so that's where he went he went he pced up so I go into the tank and I'm just sitting there and then they bring and there's a whole bunch of white dudes and I'm the only I'm the only but the the white dudes are cool they're they're talking to me and I'm like yeah I'm fresh out of ya but I'm trying to like stand I'm with it I got my back to the wall like acting like I'm tough sure so I wind up going they put me in a gwing I get there and they put me in with a 19-year old dude just came from the county which is cool me and him wind up getting to a fight we wind up getting in your cell in the cell in the cell we wind up getting to a fight and like day one like day one or time that first week [ __ ] yeah he he he called me a [ __ ] and my can't say those words well especially coming from ya I I triggered right I got triggered and we fought and luckily cuz up up north there wasn't really too many homies from Los Angeles but luckily two uh two homies from LA had got extradited and they were my neighbors so they knew everything so they were like long trip we we'll make sure you're good cuz I I I ain't going to lie to you I was like damn I'm going to get in trouble cuz I I really beat this dude up right like he looked bad okay and there was no hiding that we fought yeah there was no hiding that we fought like that yeah okay but so I wind up having to do burpees and you know but they they call it they broke them off which is 113 workings right and do it again yeah next time you go on a mission and those were the hardest burpees of my now I could do that like nothing but but that time yeah those were the hardest burpees ever 15 in you're like [ __ ] iort can you just [ __ ] me up yeah that that's I was thinking like man can I just take a I'd rather get my ass with yeah right yeah but I W up going to new deleno after that um it's a 180 level four and um my we were always slammed down like when I first got to prison so rarely were were we programming but my first week on the yard somebody get stabbed and I'm like oh [ __ ] this was that happening at all in ya the stabbing no why I've never seen nobody get stabbed and why I've seen people get really beat up B for sure so this I asked that because now you're you're in the quote unquote big house with the big dogs that's your first stabbing how's that make you feel it trip you out I'm like oh [ __ ] it is like the documentary yeah yeah exactly [ __ ] it is like the documentary because they're going to sit there you're going to act like it's all good like hey homie and then you they walk you around the track and then next thing you know you get pounced on before you know what's happening but but one thing I did learn is that it doesn't just happen somebody has to do something in order to put themselves in that situation so I it was then and there that I decided I'm not going to do drugs I'm going to keep my mouth shut after that stabbing I said I'm not going to do drugs yeah because I found out what he got stabbed for drugs drugs right I'm going to keep my mouth shut right and I'm just going to be observant and then if anything I'm going to be the one stabbing somebody the one you're not going to be the victim you rather be the Predator yes you know what crazy that that's exactly the mentality that I had when I came in when I left ya and uh in 1995 and then I ended up in calipat which is where he peed from so when I was in calipat I seen my first stabbing there because again when I was in Wyatt nobody really stabbed anybody it was just people getting stomped out the favorite weapon of choice was the boots right they didn't care you're once once you're on the floor you're getting stocked up especially in the face so that was like the best yeah that was like the best weapon of choice but then when I went to my first um prison which was calipat aard um and I seen somebody gets stabbed and and I don't know maybe it was for money it had to be somewhat something like that um that's when I told myself too no drugs keep my mouth shut that's interesting Reserve both same experience yeah because I've never ever da was like you know especially like buying and getting in debt like that was never my thing anyway I never did drugs in the streets anyways right it was mostly alcohol but but that's how you get yourself killed in there but that's you know and the thing is a lot of people were using drugs to cope with the fact that they just got 60 80 100 Years to Life you know so for you to tell yourself at 18 19 years old that I'm not doing that how am I going to cope with this then [ __ ] yeah how how to cope with the rest of this time until I go home what am I going to do right yeah so it it was it was bad but we're slammed down all the time I of course I smoke weed here and there but that's like minimal in there like it's just weed ain't nobody tripping it's like a cigar cigar different than doing heroin and and speed and all that [ __ ] yeah I mean luckily I was never a victim inside you know I kept my I stayed out the way I kept clean but I was like I got Lu lucky my whole time cuz I could have been taken advantage of sure because I wanted to be involved in everything and anything right and I was like so eager but I was fortunate to have dudes around me good dudes around me like hey chill chill out right you're a soldier yeah yeah exactly if if it comes to you it'll come to you but stop stop looking for it stop looking for it right right if it comes to you it comes to you and as time passed I kind of got it you know it is stuck but I wind up going to the hole from new deleno for for a knife right and now I know why they gave me the knife there was no hiding this knife it was big there was no there was no hiding this knife yeah it it was huge and they were like and they were like hey homie hold this and I'm like yeah come on I got this I'm not going to let me put it in the mat then nobody told me they throw the m through the X-ray machine they like oh [ __ ] yeah nobody so I wind up when they're that big that's what they call they call them bone Crushers cuz there's nowhere you you got you got to have it on you yeah there's no there's no other way to hide it mattresses under the bun find it they so I go to the hole and I'm in the hole and I I I don't know if it's my luck or what but I land in the cell and the next thing I know I get a kite hey smash that dude right so I'm like oh my God and in yourself yeah yeah in the C so you when you got to the hole you had a Sally in the hole Yeah they put me in the C they shot you the kite and they like smashed you you're like us [ __ ] right there so I I go to the shower all I hear is hey Onie uh and I'm like what's up you see that line I grab the line I get the K it says Hey smash that dude so I'm like okay so I I go back after the shower they cuff me up I go in there and I do the guy's service I show him the kite I let him know like hey you know what's up so I wind up we wind up I and I wind up beating this dude up pretty bad right and I get an indeterminate shoe I get an indeterminate shoe for that cuz I already had one shoe offence which was the knife Then I then I did that I did that so I wind up going to corkran I want up program failure yeah I want to going to Corrin um first they put me in 43b um 4B three right for about a little under two weeks and then I wind up going to the group yard 484 left right next to Manson Manson you would see him out there every morning with his guitar in the little in the Phu you know that was that was his little thing right there but every time you come out for medical he's right there damn so they put they put me there for a little bit and then I wind up once I see committee they tell me oh we're going to transfer you to T hatch for you're in the terminate shoe so I go to T hatp shoe and I'm just bouncing around at this point I'm bouncing around sucks man yeah so and how I'm coping what it is I'm just living in the moment I'm in the shoe I'm like yeah this is this is what what it is this is what this is what I signed up for yeah like I'm in the show I'm in the group yard I'm doing burpees with the homies we're playing handball and it's all love yeah right like this is the life huh yeah I'm with it I'm with the business I'm active I'm I'm I'm on the shoe I'm on the group yard you know cering and I get to tatp and I get the news that my father passes away and that was like uh that right there was like the hardest thing that I had to get through in prison by far it was just um because my pops he never um he never asked what happened like he he didn't care he he never judged me like he always had my back right or wrong D know and he was there and when he died it was just like it was gut-wrenching it was gut-wrenching and was he staying in contact with you when you were when you were navigating to the system going always looking out like it was that that was my dad you know like he he he was there and he was kind of like the Lian to me and my family right so once once he was gone it was like you're cut off from your family now cut off from everything damn you must have felt I mean you probably already felt like alone yeah but like now it's like a deeper level of loneliness and probably a lot of fear now yeah and it was it was um it kind of I kind of like okay remember I told you about that in the holding thing like [ __ ] it this is what it is sure it it's like it was that but intensified oh even more even more so [ __ ] you s found another level of like I don't give a [ __ ] yeah I don't give a [ __ ] and that's where this face tattoo comes in ah so you don't have the face tattoo tell that n my dad would have yeah he whoop me he would I don't care in the visiting room he don't give he wouldn't have care who was around he would he would have got me so you're said now I'm going to commemorate not giving a [ __ ] yes face tattoo boys face tattoo I I got nobody to be accountable to right right this is what it is and sure it is what what it is I'm going die in prison right [ __ ] it that's all that's that's a wild decision to make yeah that's wild so I that and that's what that was my thought process and and I really didn't process my dad's death until years later sure like of course of course the Waterworks I cried for like week I cried for a week right but it was more so like [ __ ] it and to hatch they wind up closing uh I wind up getting out the shoe to the mainline they wind up closing the main line down so they took us all back to the hole and then from there is where I went to High Desert okay by where you said by Reno I was in high desert I was in high desert for almost six years damn but I got there in 2011 okay we were slammed down from 2011 to 2013 so for two years you're just on lockdown yes and I'm not talk I'm not I'm I'm talking about not going anywhere they're bringing you everything when we got off locked down everybody bringing you showers like rolling showers the shower's in the unit so it's the 180 is small there's about 10 cells and then the shower's right in the middle so you come out you go in the shower and then you and then that's when they give you your razor you could choose to shave in the shower so nobody really showers in the shower they just go to the shower sh shave okay that's it and then you go back into your cell they bring your packages to you you don't get canteen yeah you don't get get nothing you get packages quarterly D and every time every every three months you get but yes and how they were getting away with it was okay we'll go on 3 months for lockdown and okay we're going to let out these Northerners here this Southerner here and then let you out and something happens and guess what we let you off lockdown we try to let some people out another lockdown you guys keep stabbing each other well you know what I I I've come to realize that that lockdown was a blessing in this guys really cuz had I had I been out there on the line programming I don't know what I would have got into because I was in such a bad head space [ __ ] like it was bad you think that could have saved your life as miserable as that was like yes Dam well it it did because for those two and a half years that we're slammed because we didn't get out to the middle of 2013 and and that was uh I don't know if you guys are familiar with the agreement to end hostilities where you a b a bunch of people were in the shoe they wind up filing a lawsuit to get out the shoe and was that the hunger strike the hunger strik okay yeah I know that and so all that happened and it's it's peace now so that's yes so there's still peace now yes that's nice yeah yeah so so that those those two and a half years it was just more so like a lot of self-reflecting because I got tired of just sitting on the bunk and watching TV and seeing these reality shows people no I'm serious there people out here and they're living life and I see the Honeys and I'm like and I'm sitting in this cell and I'm looking around and I'm like God damn there's more to life than this there's more to life than this there got to be more more to life than this and I and I break down again and I'm like I'm in a state of depression for sure and I just told myself I said you know what when we come off this lockdown I have to do something that's going to be worth something I have to I don't know what it is or what I'm GNA do but I have to do something yeah so we wind up getting off lockdown and the first thing I do I say okay you know what I'm going to school [ __ ] I'm going I'm going to education so I volunteer for education and it's while I'm in education where I I take my GD and I I go in there I take my GD I roll into alternatives to violence and that kind of like that like it it changed my life for real explain a little bit for for Mason and for the viewers what AP is oh alternative to violence is it it's about community building it's it's a three-day Workshop over the weekend where you spend 12 hours a day in a workshop and basically um they have these things called Gatherings and light and livelies and it's uh everybody talks everybody it it's where you can let your guard down and open up talk and and it's a it's a very good program like I I took to that program wholeheartedly I I actually became a team coordinator and a facilitator because that program did that much for me I believed in it right and it's about conflict resolution it's about consensus it's about Community right so I I take this class and I'm the youngest one in there right and everybody else is Elder and everybody else has life in prison and I'm in there and I'm young and I'm dumb and I'm talking and I'm talking about I'm gonna die in prison and they're just looking at me like you know what you're talking about yeah they're they're but but but they're not rude about it they're just like they're letting me speak and say my peace and then they get to talking and then like it it became it it became about me in there like and I was just like I kind of felt weird that first day because everybody's like they're telling their story but they're telling it to the group but it's like they're talking to me sure like this is not this is not the end for you the like this is not this isn't it right and you have a you have an opportunity to get out of here because remember I told you I thought I was in a dying person yeah yeah because of how it was so this is the first time that seed is planted that there's something different from you like that's just the reality shows that like juggled something but now you're here and these people who are really going to die in there yes that really started changing [ __ ] yeah it started changing my perspective what was uh what was your one of your favorite transforming Powers um I know it sounds like surprising humor I know it sounds like a some kind of DC Comic stuff right but yeah but this group had 12 I think it was 12 yeah TR transforming Powers so it gives you an opportunity like what he said right now diffusing the situation with humor so instead of you saying something to me where I feel triggered I'll just laugh it out and say you know what that's not even that serious right uh conflict resolution reach for that good and others yeah reach exactly so there's a lot of transform this is why that that group uh unlike others that are that are very popular in prison because they really they're eye openers eye openers and the people that come in because these are volun that come in from the community and facilitate these workshops for the men right they really care they're not there for some of them don't even get paid they don't get paid they just come in and they facilitate AVP to the to the community and they don't even get paid right when others do get paid but this group specifically ABP because I know a lot about them because like yeah I'm a what's called a t for f I'm a training I was a trainer from facil so I facilitated the same workshops that he's talking about right now on V from familiar have my certificat but that's what I said yeah let me ask him see let me quiz him real quick see if he knows his transforming Powers but that's that's a that's a awesome one yeah that's an awesome what was yours I I missed it well there there's a bunch of them like using surprise and humor reaching for that good others my my my personal favorite is uh it's it's the last one on the list and it's it's uh base your community on honesty caring respect and understanding right and that's what I that's how I live my life now like I'm I'm who whoever I'm associating with I make sure that I'm honest that that you know they understand where I'm at in my life and if they can't respect it or understand that then they don't need to be around me right what was your what was your nickname uh Dapper Dan Dapper Dan man so I say that because everybody in the group so my name starts with the c yeah so mine was Karen Caesar so yours was the Mason right so you be anything magnificent Mason magnificent Mason that's good right Brian Brian something that starts with the be that you like beautiful Brian beautiful briyan hey or old bold briyan I like gold Bryan righten beautiful that's the that's the awesome part about this group um they would have What's called the hurricane so let's say you sit in a circle and they'll say hurricane and everybody has to get up and sweet seats it's it's it's it's a group that you could actually put your guard out take the mask off put it out something do some work on for the first time in your life yeah right or at least your adult life yeah yeah well that's a great question was that your very first self-help that that was that was and the reason for the hurricane is cuz in prison you know it's it's it's racially seg seg so when you and now you're integrated yes and now you're integrated so when you first get there you see all the Hispanics on this side all the blacks couple white guys and it's hurricane next thing you know you're sitting next to somebody that may not look like you and that's the purpose of it is to interact is to get to know people [ __ ] you know besides the color of your skin or your affiliation one of the one of the one of the exercises is you have to lock your arm with another ra like this and then blindfold blindfold and then the other race is like they're the driver and you're the car right you know so trust got exactly you don't have no trust it's not going to work for you right so it's an awesome group yeah you know what I'm noticing though is that like it seems like people have seen something in you your whole life yeah like when you were on the streets older kids were running with you they took you in when you got to your prison the older the older dudes gave you the rules and looked out for you and then you get to this place so I feel like people see that spark that intelligence that whatever that is in you from the beginning it's just a lot of people had the wrong way of dealing with it I'm I agree I'm going to just go out a Lim and say it's the leadership leadership yeah I see the leadership I see the leadership skills I see the leading by example this is what I'm hearing with the conversation right here I just said and also the smart decision making I'm not going to do drugs that [ __ ] right there there's a like there's just people saw that spark and you also had some intelligent decision making and it's like that's cool that you got out cuz you got a lot whole life ahead of you straight up those skills yeah thank you yeah thank you so what happened afterwards the next um so after that I I said I started going to school and I wind up signing up for the GED and uh shout out to my friend Joe with the mo he was my neighbor he was he was a black dude he he's from up north um but now thinking back on it now I know why Joe with the mo did what he did but he bet me that I wasn't going to pass the test he's like I bet you $20 you're going to fail and I looked at him and I said I said you're on you're on so some of my driving force was I'm I'm prove him wrong like I said my pops pass away I didn't have nothing so I'm I'm I'm betting $20 on my ass I don't have $20 so like I have to pass so I wind up passing he wind up giving me my $20 I I I took hygiene it's all good you yeah so I took the hygiene but uh it really helped me man it really helped me to it gave me that that driving force to go past that test well I did that in 2014 November and um while I was in high desert uh there was a there was a instance where somebody had to get got and I'm I'm still learning but I'm still on the fence and I'm still dabbling in the [ __ ] right right I'm trying to do the right thing but I'm still messing around what we call F strling cuz I'm still here but I want to do this think about the his whole life he's surviving one way and there's a small Slither of life where he's doing something different so that checks out yeah so and like I said they let they let all these people out the shoe so now there's influence and I'm I'm sitting there and I'm I'm like now that now that there's these people in the yard I'm like I want to show off I want to show off ah and one of one of one of the one of the guys comes up to me and he's like come here and I'm like oh [ __ ] so I go over there and I'm and he's like you got life and I said no and he just tells me look around you he's like why the why the [ __ ] would you want to be in here you have an opportunity to get out go home damn I don't want to hear that you're over here volunteering yourself ever again get the hell out of here and this is somebody that I look up to like a big big big plan I look up to this person right right he's the man sure this is the man telling me that and I'm like wow and it was that moment there I said I'm never going to put myself in any situation like that no more volunteering for Missions anything like that nothing nothing and I I sat back and I wind up getting a transfer 2015 to calipat aard right and I get to calipat and by this time I SB 260 they tell me I'm going to board in five years how do that make you feel um it it led me know that there's a chance there's a chance to get out but your hopes didn't get too high it no because it was so rare uh and you hear all these stories about these dudes going to the board and getting shot down but I said you know what it's worth giving it a try okay so when I get to calipat I'm signing up for everything and of course I'm doing it for the board sure I'm not doing it for myself I'm doing it Paper Chasing as they call it to go get all these certificates but I started enrolling in all these programs lo and behold they have AP down there so I'm enrolling into everything I take the AVP courses again and then I wind up signing up for the t4f completing the t4f becoming a facilitator from becoming a facilitator to becoming a team coordinator and then I'm in CGA I'm in na I'm in k and like I said when I first started it was for the board but as I actually sat there and I heard people speak and I started listening to people stories I started opening up cuz I never T my first couple classes there I wouldn't say nothing I'd just be sitting in the back but then I start opening up and then you know what I started applying some of that stuff into my life and I'm like you know what this this stuff actually works it actually works and I'm still I'm I'm I'm trying to figure it out as I go along and I'm still messing with my homies and and my homies are messing up they're getting high they're getting in depths and people keep coming to me like hey your homie is messing up right because they see I'm I'm I got my head on straight and I'm trying to stay out the way right and and I'm still dabbling I'm still selling drugs I'm still stuff right well I wind up having to touch two of my homies I wind up having to put hands on them because they keep putting themselves in situations and luckily I didn't get caught for it right but I want up tell them dudes like look you guys have to like I'm trying to do something with my life yeah and you guys have to kick back but they didn't give a [ __ ] up all they care about was getting high all they cared about was their themselves and it was it was in that instance that I said you know what I'm done selling drugs I'm done [ __ ] with you guys right right like I I'm I'm I'm got to look out for myself it's interesting another one of those like like decisive moments like I'm not doing this not like you were just talking about makes those big choices because I I I I got caught with two phones and I was like you know what if I want to go home and if I'm serious about going home and I got this from the groups if I'm serious about getting out of prison I have to stop with everything I have to put my head on straight I have to stop stratling that fence and I had to go for it right and I told myself I'm done I'm done like I'm not I'm not going to P up I don't believe I had to PC up to go home I I'm just I have to start now sure I have to start making these decisions now so I told myself I'm done and I went so far to tell people to stop calling me by my moniker right and that was the that was a big step for me it was your identity right there exactly and and it took it took some time for me to build up the courage to do it but I said you know what I have to do this for sure you got your brother's Monica whole time yeah all the way up that was that was wild you know a lot of people believe and and again it might be their prerogative um though PC up because it's a lot easier over there to navigate and go home which in reality if you if you stay on this line and you just say hey man I'm gonna go I'm going to work on me it's harder to be in this because now you really like he earned his freedom because he stood there he says you know what I'm not gonna I'm not gonna go over I don't need to I could do it here right why wouldn't okay that's going to make stuff a lot easier for me you know my whole life I feel like I've had everything easy I wanted to I want this transformation this the decision that I'm making I want them to be hard for me right I want to be hard for me so I'm gonna stay here right I'm gonna stay here because I don't need to go over there I could change you I grab the bull by the horns right here say hey man I'm I'm done with this and I'm here and I'm going to go home from here yeah you know I think that's one of the one of the hardest things for people to do to to separate themselves not only from their moniker from their gang just completely saying hey man this is what I'm this is what I'm trying to do I'm trying to I'm trying to go home that's some wild [ __ ] I know but good on you for that right and you know what I found out a lot of people they respected it I mean of course you're going to have those there some haters yeah you you always going to have haters right but I mean you're always going to have both and I at that point I didn't care because I mean I'm doing me sure and and that's the same thing I told my homies I said look I'm not going nowhere I'm going always be from there right who's going to take it from me who's going to do these years that I did who's going to take that you can't take that nobody can take that so you know what I'm doing me and it was was kind of at first you had them idiots hey hey Shadow hey Shadow so what I do I went and got one of those remember when you pass out those hello my name is at the career Readiness it it it brought a flashback for me because I I had a couple of those so I would every day I would go out I would put the hello my name is Roman so every time somebody be like hey Shadow I would be like this no [ __ ] what that's dope like you see my name my name is Roman call me Roman right right right right so I mean that that that right there but you know what surprisingly I had the whole institution calling me Roman had the whole institution calling me Roman took some time it took some time but but the fact you made it happen that way in that manner after [ __ ] making things happen a completely different way your whole damn life that's growth right there that's that's wild [ __ ] 30 days out how does that future look for Roman oh man it looks bright it looks bright that you see yourself doing in the future oh man I just I just I applied to Cal State LA nice to go go get my bachelor cuz I I graduated in calipat I got my AA sociology for transfer so I'm I'm eligible to go to UC so I I I appli for Cal State I'm hoping that happens for me I'm going speak into existence uh January 2024 full-time student um we just finished that career Readiness so I was able to you know come over with a resume um anything part-time is cool I was talking to some guy named Rich um he was telling me 10 classes for being an alcohol drug counselor that he'd be able to give me a job after three and since I have my AA that I could start anywhere from 20 to 25 an hour so I mean I'm still waiting on my California ID uh should be coming in the mail any day now but I mean it's bright it's bright I I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do but there's so many opportunities that that I'm not I'm not worried about it I what I do know is I want to go to school I'm G to go to school you like to learn you pared on your first try second second my second try yeah that that first try they shot me down they said um that I still had remnants of criminal thinking because the cell phones uh I got caught with two cell phones three three years prior so that's recent for them and they but they told me they told me what to do they said look just keep doing your self-help keep going to school and we're going to call you back in three years and I wind up graduating I went to that board in August they shot me down I wind up graduating that December and they wind up calling me back in a year they instead of three yeah they called me back were you surprised when that happened well not not really surprised cuz people were saying like if you if you do after the three-year denial if you have a moderate psych evaluation that they'll and you're doing what you're supposed to they'll call you back in a year oh [ __ ] so I was I was kind of expecting it just a little bit but once I graduated I said oh they're going to call me back for sure and then they did you're like nice yeah and then they called me back and I was like but that I wind up going two years because they postponed it but it was a blessing in disguise because during that postponement I met my girl right and she's been like the she's been like my rock since I've been out like everything I have is because of her like I don't even take public transit because of her she's like nah you're not doing that you take a LIF or a uber yeah right right right so so that that was that was a good thing but it's bright man I'm I'm on my off time like if I don't got nothing to do I go to Arc I go and I'll sit there and clean the windows or sweep the floor just chill whatc uh the anti-recidivism co where I work at right yeah where Caesar works yeah I actually met Caesar in uh in calipat he used to go back in and do the the life coach thing and facilitate the groups and he was on BR but when we graduated he was he came to our graduation so you know and yeah man I'm I'm over there in Arc I'm I'm just trying to stay busy because they got me in downtown right now like on skid Road and that's what I was going to say earlier what every every situation that they put him in he seems to overcome it yeah he thrives fin th they have him at the Wine Guard I know you're familiar with the Wine Guard the Wine Guard is over there on six in San Pedro right in the middle of the sko I know where that is you know yeah so so but he's overcoming it he's not complaining about it he's not throwing a fit he's doing him he's you know what this is where I'm at right now this is my space and and I'm good with that I'll figure it out it's gonna be it's gonna you know I'm a True Believer that what you put into this universe is what you're going to get back so when you you're that kind of person like Roman is you're going to get the blessings in return yeah not going to put in situations where um your life would be at risk you know or anything like that you're going to be good bro so great job M yeah absolutely I mean clearly you have what it takes to get what you want out of life and it's beautiful you have an opportunity to to put that into action yeah and like clearly you know how to exercise patience because you spent decades or almost decades exercising patience and and putting in effort so when you're out here with more resources and people that are really pulling for you supporting for you it's just like whatever is going to come at you like you can handle it yeah yeah like I told when I when when when I used to go share my story before the podcast and I would be at the shoe where you and I met yep yep um people used to always tell me like man I can't wait to see in three years it being three years and that's what I want to tell I can't wait to see like how three years will you'll be like I I can't wait to see that cuz uh you know there's so much there so much potential and uh I think one of the biggest blessings that you have is the age young for sure you're young your whole life is ahead of you everybody's getting out of prison in their 40s 50s 60s you're 33 that's awesome that's a blessing and you now you have a a a right mindset and I think you're gonna be doing big things bro big things bro I thank you for being here and sharing your sharing your story the way you shareed that shows growth right there I'm sure that wasn't an easy thing at one point in your life to talk about your stuff and just like be forth coming like that smooth with it like that it's like it was very insightful and I'm glad I didn't get any backstory before again I like doing that because I just want to like have that that natural feeling connection and like dude well it's GNA be hard because I didn't know that much yeah yeah yeah but whatever everything was a Sur but he just knows good people that's all I care about it's like let's find just people good people with a good story and you know you look at us you know Brian Brian hides the camera he mysterious but but but but you know good people they they all look different we're all the same we're all in the same damn room talking about the same [ __ ] that's just how it be and uh people still watching and listening you know again as I said at the beginning we're going to do our best to keep putting stuff out consistently what October 15 we're on September 15 we don't know it'll probably be releasing in the next week this episode but we should have some monthlies at least at this rate and uh thank you for your support and thank you for being here and thank you for getting this done Brian and that's that we're good

Channel: The Damage Done Podcast

Views: 796

Keywords: damage done, the damage done, damage done podcast, damage podcast, the damage pod, true crime, criminals, addiction recovery, rehab, prison gangs, Michael Thompson, prison stories, hope, self help, self help podcast, inspirational podcast, addiction podcast, addiction recovery podcast

Id: X_PPMbtv9fI

Length: 75min 54sec (4554 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 26 2023