The COMMON MYTHS About Relationships & How To ACTUALLY Find Love | Humble The Poet & Jay Shetty

you don't win love you don't find love the love is already there I struggled in my last situation because I could not receive love it wasn't that there wasn't love there it was me I had my door closed I had my sales closed when we do that work that by default will create a better relationship with ourselves which will inform every single relationship we have around us the best-selling author and host the number one Health and Wellness podcast on purpose with Jay Shetty hey everyone welcome back to on purpose the number one Health podcast in the world thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to become a happier healthier and more healed now one of the things I love about the show is sitting down with a friend who's an incredible thinker a thought leader a philosopher or a poet uh it provides a very special conversation when I get to sit with someone that I hang out with a lot offline but then we get to turn the cameras on and the recording devices on and do something online I hope you get to hear that friendship that Brotherhood in today's conversation and I find there's something really special about sitting down with someone who has really interesting ideas has taken the time to document them and systematize them into a book I'm speaking about one of my dearest friends humble the poet a canadian-born rapper spoken word artist designer poet internationally best-selling author and former Elementary School teacher what began as reciting spoken word poetry in coffee shops to impress girls evolved into creative Adventures that has spanned the last 10 years Crossing genres mediums and oceans his first two releases unlearn and things nobody can teach us have become International bestsellers and today we're talking about his new book How To Be Loved simple truths for going easier on yourself embracing imperfection and loving your way to a better life I want you to go and grab a copy of this book right now order it right now uh we're putting the link in the captions and in the show notes how to be loved by Humble the poet humble it is so great to have you here man officially yes thank you so much for having me yes including my bio uh ping pong Frenemy oh yeah yeah ping pong friend of me yeah I mean well we shouldn't go there we shouldn't go there I mean the only official game we've had I won and that's why this thing fall in front of me you won you won that pair of very old headphones that was the prize it was a birthday party and our friend uh found a pair of headphones and made that the prize and then in the first round you knocked me out no it was so when we play unofficially humble beats me in ping pong all the time like I don't think I've ever beaten you when we've been hanging out ever yeah well it doesn't count you haven't beat me it doesn't count yeah but then the official game and then I gave the headphones away uh to someone who I thought deserved them more I was lucky that day I can't believe it I was on some lucky streak well yeah it was a party yeah it was a party I party harder than you so you're a little bit tipsy so I don't drink so I'm gonna wear it yeah you have a few competitive advantages I love it but humble man we've been friends for like I'm like four years now I feel like longer since we started having our conversations yeah completely and it's been beautiful to like just you know I think as two people in an industry where it's busy and we're doing so much somehow I think we found a way to have these really meaningful conversations yeah I remember I was at your house earlier this year at your apartment earlier this year and we were hanging out and then the next day everyone was like what time did Jay leave or what happened because everyone I always leave early to go to sleep early generally is is what I do and I was at your house till like 2 A.M yeah and it was like how did you get Jay to stay out till 2am and we weren't all we did was have deep meaningful thoughtful conversation completely it was so you're one of the few people that I can actually do that with so I cherish our friendship very deeply I mean likewise as I said this is the first conversation I'm not holding a notepad I just sit here and try to pick your brain as much as I can and try to learn as much as I can and I appreciate you always make time for me always man always but I'm so glad you wrote this book bro because you know I'm obsessed with love yes my new books about love yes but I think when you're obsessed with something and you get deep into it it's really interesting to hear from someone else who's obsessed with it and gotten really deep into it yeah and I want to talk to you about what we said in the intro about the idea of how you used to do spoken word to impress girls and I think the idea of impressing someone yeah is such a big part of how love starts like I can relate to that so much like the the extent I've gone through to impress women in my previous life it's insane and walk me through why do we try to impress people that we may be attracted to or maybe not even attracted to yeah I think you know I think for thousands of years we lived in smaller communities and we only understand ourselves in relation to everybody else you know you walk into your family you know where you are in that hierarchy and then we you know many of us including only two generations ago came from families in small villages so it's like you find your definition and your value in relation to others and in Modern Life in these big Metropolis cities it's not as relevant but that need to be seen that need to be validated is completely there and I think that's why we have a lot of challenges in realizing love is because we so we spend so much time trying to feed our self-esteem not realizing that love comes from self-respect which is way more internal and it's completely you know you're absolutely right like even me doing poetry back then it was like I was writing about things as an artist that mattered to me and I was exploring Concepts but my only motivation to share it was to get attention and you start to feed off of that and it gets really interesting now because we live in a world where that attention there's a metric beside it you can count your likes you can count your comments you can count your followers so now it's like the world subtly tells you who to be if that attention matters like oh I did a post it didn't get enough engagement so let's go ahead and post something else and then oh this really did got a lot of Engagement let me make five more things like that and it's killing our ability to discover ourselves and our authentic selves and instead it's making us live for display purposes which is going to continually close Pathways to love this is what I love talking to you I'm loving this already there's so many things that you said that I'm like yes I want to talk about this let's I love what you just talked about and I assure you post about this a few months ago about the difference between self-esteem and self-respect and that really hit a nerve with me when you first posted about it walk us through how you define them differently and why that's useful in this journey of to love so for me self-esteem is external self-respect is internal and I feel like the ways we go about it don't have to be much different um when you keep your promises to yourself you know you build self-respect and I think either you're chasing one or the other the more self-respect you develop the less self-esteem you're gonna chase the more self-esteem you chase the less self-respect is going to be in the room they kind of can't hold hands so for me you start to realize that it's a relationship it just depends on how you're going to spend and devote that energy the challenge with self-esteem and it being external is there's just way too many people with way too many opinions on who you can be you know like the Adida volunteers uh quote you can be the juiciest peach in the world they're just some people who don't like peaches you know and that can have an impact on people and a lot of people are negatively impacted by the comments on their social media um by how well they received when people are looking at them or what have you so what I'm realizing is as we focus on self-respect to me which as I said honoring your commitments doing hard things focusing on progress and not Perfection that's a really big one I think when we have these ideas of what we think love is it's oftentimes not love attention control Power admiration Beauty success these things are all external things that we can receive from the world and they feel like love and and they give us a lot of immediate gratification I refer to them as bootleg love like when you go to you go to the outlet mall get a fake Gucci belt and you know you get a little rush from it immediately but you keep thirsting for more yeah you know it puts you in further scarcity so when we focus on that it's a never-ending Journey whereas when we develop more self-respect we feel a level of Peace it's not instead of getting everything you want you start to want less yeah and I think for me that's the really big difference and self-respect can be literally developed through anything that you commit to do and the more difficult the better let's say don't do hard things for me it's a cold shower in the morning and when we focus on progress especially as we're entering a new year it's really important to set intentions instead of expectations because oftentimes we say oh I want to lose 10 pounds now you suddenly have told yourself I'm not good enough as I am and when I lose 10 pounds magically I'm going to feel better instead of doing that because you're you're harming your relationship with yourself focus on progress I want to have a healthier breakfast and maybe my breakfast has 10 different elements to it I'm going to switch out one at a time or I want to wake up earlier let's say I'm waking up at noon every day and I want to get to 6 a.m you can't just jump from noon to six let's focus on progress let's start with 11 45 slowly work our way down progress can be endless you know whereas I think Society especially in capitalism they need to sell us stuff to make us feel like we matter and the message they keep sending us is Chase Perfection and perfect doesn't exist and perfect is the last place love would exist because the only way to develop a deep connection with somebody is through your vulnerabilities if you were perfect you can't be vulnerable so for me vulnerability comes through self-respect being brave enough to admit you know where you're difficult to be with what you struggle with what your challenges are and then that opens up someone else an opportunity to do the same and then you connect on a deeper level yeah I want to reflect on some of the things that came to my mind mind as you were talking it's interesting isn't it like we say we want love but actually we want attention we say we want love but actually we want validation we say we want love but actually we just want compliments so we don't actually know what love is or want love because we're chasing it through these other forms of cheap adoration or cheap affection one of the things that hit me about what you just said about vulnerability and this pursuit of perfection when actually imperfection is at the core of love and relationships is I was coaching a CEO recently and we were working through some of their mental health challenges it was really interesting to me because I was encouraging them to share that with their team I was saying you should share the challenges you're going through because it will be a healthy thing to do and they said to me they said Jay how can I share my challenges I'm the strong one I'm The Brave One I'm the one who has it all together and I said to them I said what's stronger than you telling them your truth like what's braver than you being vulnerable with that person like there's nothing more strong there's no greater Act of courage and when they went and told their team they followed through on the advice the team's unanimous response was us too like they were going through the same stuff and all of a sudden they felt connected so I guess what what I love about what you're saying when you talk about like not chasing Perfection when you talk about doing hard things there was one more thing you said honor your commitments honoring your commitments so those three things that you mentioned to me that's actually what self-love is like we keep hearing self-love and you've talked about self-respect which I think is a really great pathway and pathway but those three habits are really deeply important when we're alone and when we're single and when we're not in a relationship let's talk about why doing hard things is so important in the pursuit of love because I don't think those things a lot of what you just mentioned I'm like is this a habits book like you're like helping people with their day-to-day habits but there's a connection there that I don't think people see yeah one of my favorite mantras for myself is an easy day at the gym was not a good day at the gym and I start to apply that to life an easy day of life is not a good day I think what we have in in this Society is we sell convenience uh and we sell comfort and both of those don't Inspire growth or Evolution or for us to unlock a better version of ourselves um so voluntarily doing hard things you know prepares us when hard things find us you know I I think for example you know when you know as an entrepreneur it's a very challenging job but then when you're an entrepreneur you understand that hey money's not guaranteed I don't get a salary every two weeks nothing's promised to me so then when you come across a situation where things shut down layoffs recession what have you you're better prepared you know life's gonna throw curveballs what we can do when things are good is practice our swing so for me doing hard things is picking a challenge and my personal equation is one foot and what I know one foot and what's familiar and one foot and what's unfamiliar and what's uncomfortable so I'm not overdoing if I want to learn to swim I don't jump into the ocean the first day we started in the kiddie pool and then we work our way up and picking things voluntarily that are difficult whatever it is and understanding that even for us you know it took 10 years to learn how to read it was a systematic program put in school for us to do it they forget that we forget that wow and we didn't have we didn't have self-esteem issues or confidence issues back then being like I don't know the alphabet I shouldn't even bother or when we were babies trying to learn how to walk you know we got up and we fell back down we didn't give up it's not for me but as adults because we don't have somebody kind of Lottery over us we we may start something we're not okay with sucking at it in the beginning we don't see it as fun but you know I play a lot of video games if I drop 90 bucks on a video game and it's too easy then it wasn't worth it for me you know we need challenges we need to we need resistance we need to push and pull we need that tug of war because that's going to make us stronger it's going to make us more resilient sitting in the ice makes you resilient helps you recalibrate your fight or flight so now your fight or flight isn't triggered through an awkward conversation or an email or a text message or a bill that comes you know it gets back to where it needs to be which is important so I think for me it's recognizing that it's not chasing Comfort it's not chasing just simple stability and it's not chasing convenience it's being like okay there is a harder way of doing things let's do that for the sake of doing it because when the difficulties of Life find us we're much more resilient and much more prepared and I think for me that allows me to realize my value as an individual what I'm capable of and how I can spread that and be of service to other people which to me is a massive language of love wow yeah and I mean what I'm hearing you speak it's like that getting comfortable in discomfort is almost like the number one skill needed in life because I feel like most of as you said what Society is trying to teach us in your words convenience and comfort and it's trying to avoid discomfort yeah like we're trying to avoid it we're trying to dodge it we're trying to hope that how can I avoid any sort of pain struggle discomfort and while I'm while you're not saying to invite it but we've got to get comfortable in that uncertainty and comfortable with that pain and that applies to anything from dating through the breakups through to loving ourselves of course through the Journey we're on one of the things you said in the book that I wanted to pick out was feeling left out and rejected brings up those ancient anxieties of danger yeah and I think that's one of the biggest discomforts is feeling left out and rejected like when you talk about being uncomfortable yeah when you go to an event and you feel like you'd rather lock yourself into a bathroom because you don't want to be around anyone or forget that you didn't even get invited in the first place and sometimes you get upset because you didn't get invited even if you didn't want to go there yeah so talk to me through that sentence feeling left out and rejected brings up those ancient anxieties of danger again if we were ostracized from our communities back you know Generations ago it actually meant our death you know and that's in our programming now um which makes us in Modern Life prioritize likability over everything and the challenge with that is there's so many things that create Pathways of love and allow us to realize love won't necessarily make us likable to everybody um if you want to establish boundaries for example establishing boundaries will reduce the amount of people that want to be around you because so many people enjoy crossing boundaries or you know find power in that or find significance in that but it's important to establish boundaries it's important to show your teeth I have a chapter in the book called love is showing your teeth it's important to let people know if they've crossed the line it's important to let people know if they've made if they've heard you it's important to let people know if they're doing things that you're not okay with because if you don't you absorb it inside instead and then you you fall into this world of resentment which to me I think is one of the darkest places we can be and you can't express or realize love in this place of resentment so our fears of not being likable you know as I said in the subtitles book is going easy on yourself this is in our programming we want to be liked we want to be accepted and we are in a modern society which has given us scores for our likability and acceptance but that will not necessarily help us realize more love and we have to see the difference not everybody is going to like you and that's okay and focusing on that will allow us to build deeper connections with people that do matter you know going back to this idea of the CEO and the vulnerability you know I was raised in a household that subtly told me to suck it up be self-regulated so now I also viewed vulnerability as a weakness I viewed having a romantic partner that complained as just being Naggy and we week not realizing that my inability to have empathy you know was because of the fortresses I made I made a fortress to protect myself but really it was a prison and then when somebody came to me that I cared about with their problems I wanted to instantly solve it I thought that's what men do men solve problems were solution oriented but the truth what I realized for myself was no they were sharing their pain it was triggering my pain I didn't want to feel my pain so I want to shut them up and the three ways I was trying to shut them up was either not speaking to them trying to solve their problems or saying something really stupid like well there's other people going through way worse than you like have some perspective and then slowly realizing through this journey that empathy is feeling their pain not saying anything just giving them a hug and being in that pain together and for me like this these are very recent realizations for me as I'm trying to figure out how to deepen my connection with human beings as well and I don't hold it against anybody for being raised to think that vulnerability is a weakness but you are absolutely right the strongest thing you can do is be vulnerable and admit where you're having trouble um that's ultimate strength and um you know I'm glad to hear that that story worked out for him yeah yeah absolutely but I mean you just said something again interesting which I actually had note down was uh uh where is this oh yeah you referenced the need to sit with your pain in order to experience love yes I don't think we naturally put those thoughts together and that's what I've always loved about what you do with ideas is I don't think we kind of like when you hear that you're like well I need to unpack that no because you wouldn't necessarily think those two things correlate the inspiration behind this entire Journey was a you know a relationship that I was in that that didn't run the course and all I would do in in isolation especially during the pandemic was beat myself up over it as if I had somehow failed so there was a lot of reflecting and thinking about you know the what it could have shoulders and City not realizing the subconscious because whether we're aware of a trauma whether we're aware of a discomfort we feel it and we're gonna feel and then most often going back to modern society there are so many convenient options to suppress that temporarily so for me I was living that life I was if I felt anxious I would go and have a slice of pizza or I would go and and you know watch television or go on my phone and then you start to realize that so often the only reason we get involved with somebody is because we're Outsourcing the antidote to our loneliness not realizing that loneliness isn't having people around loneliness is a lack of connection and and that could contribute to why we have such a high divorce rate because people are getting together but they're not getting together uh as two individuals getting together with these kind of romanticized ideas of you're my better half you complete me humans don't need completing humans aren't half a person and I think but these are ideas that are sold to us they're sold to us in media they're sold you know every single famous couple the Ross and Rachel's they have to be people with very unhealthy attachment styles to be entertaining because the most healthy relationships we know are not very eventful they wouldn't make for entertaining television I don't think it's a conspiracy that these television shows exist they're just entertaining us yeah and I think realizing that for me having a relationship with yourself is being alone being alone isn't sitting in bed on your phone being alone is being absolutely alone doing absolutely nothing which for me is also a form of meditation and um for me it's my favorite form of meditation because it's it's a form that doesn't require you to ask am I doing this right because there's no right way of doing nothing instantly you start to feel anxiety because you're not stimulated you know the dopamine is not coming and but the longer you do that the more grounded you become with yourself yeah and now you're in a position to be in a relationship where you can serve the book has love stories and there's one love story about somebody I connected with wanted to pursue they explain to me they don't have time and and and I was upset and I was like look if you don't make time for people then you're never going to have anybody don't you get lonely and she goes I do get lonely and then I said so what do you what are you gonna do when you're lonely because I dance because when I'm lonely I dance and then I connect with myself wow that's super mature yeah yeah I was on the phone like I guess I got it I guess I better go dance too you're like I like dancing too let's dance together yeah but and I I left her alone after that because you know she was very clear with her boundaries and what have you and what you realize is we want connection the you know the fast food version of connection self-connection would be self-pity nobody understands what I'm going through except for me nobody's ever had their heart broken I'm all by myself I just want to be able to complain about it but something deep to actually create an authentic connection with just yourself can be dancing to feel your body how many of us when is the last time we've looked at ourselves in the mirror and looked at our body and were not critical and looked at our body from a perspective of gratitude like how many of us have already chosen our favorite body part even though our body has been with us since day Zero and even when we make poor choices our body tries his best to adjust we have bad posture our body tries to adjust we don't put good things inside our body it tries his bed to adjust this relationship with ourselves our physical body can be the first step to creating an authentic pathway of Love which can then inform the relationships we can have with everybody else you know this conversation is just in a beautiful way as always just I'm connecting so many dots that are coming up and I want to talk about a few things one thing that came up was this idea of voicing setting boundaries and I think one of the challenges that we have with setting boundaries is we want to be perceived as nice and when we set a boundary we think we're going to be perceived as unkind and so we'd rather not set the boundaries so that again someone likes me and thinks that I'm a nice person but inside I'm going God I wish I wasn't around this person I wish I wasn't here I wish I wasn't doing that why do you think so often or what are your thoughts about how we compromise our own values and our own boundaries in order to appear more nice and likable like that seems to be the biggest disassociation from ourselves yeah I I think it's the short-term gratification versus the long term right I think the short-term gratification for me specifically I can say I became someone that people came to with their problems and I felt value that I was needed and it took a therapist to help point out where she said listen the reason you actually want people that you you are receiving people is because it's such a one-sided conversation that it gives you the impression that you have a relationship but you're never vulnerable because they're just telling you their problems they don't even notice that they're not asking you about yours and you like that because that helps helps you avoid being vulnerable which feels uncomfortable for you but she goes in the long run which you don't realize and you said it it builds resentment and there can't be love if there's resentment so what happens is this feeling of I need to be needed which again if we think about how we were raised a lot of us were raised to find our value when we're needed a lot of us made these decisions and and decided our pathway of life when we were kids when we were thinking very binary it was either this or that black and white and as we became adults and we can see life a lot more complex we never updated our policies and so what happens is life is more complex but we're looking at it through such a simple shade and this idea is like okay and when we're kids too whenever something negative happened we absorbed it as if it was our fault you know I have a story in the book my I once got sick and I vomited um all over my bathroom as a little child and my mother was always awake in from that she had work she got upset with me and I blamed myself for that not having contacts as an adult realizing wait you know she works a night shift he's not a horrible person you didn't mess up it's just everybody can be cranky and what have you and now you know making jokes about my mom because the grandmother version of my mom is completely sweet she has time she's not working anymore no more survival mode but me internalizing that story that narrative stuck with me up until today we've had conversations about gratitude versus guilt you know and my journey as an artist crashing on people's couches people giving places to stay hearing my mother's voice don't be a mooch fill up their fridge full of groceries make sure they know even for you know the help that you've done with me in this journey what can I give Jay what can I give Jay and then questioning is that authentic gratitude or am I just operating from a place of guilt and it's not authentic gratitude then it's not being done with love and then if it comes from a place of guilt that's usually related to fear which is definitely not from a place of Love yeah and I think going through that journey I think is extremely important so when we fear being unlikable we're closing off an option and a pathway to realize love love for some short-term peace from our anxiety you know it's like pleasure like we're chasing pleasure to medicate our lack of peace yeah when the peace would come from establishing boundaries is going to be an uncomfortable transition period but you'll get to a point where the people who love you view your boundaries as an instruction manual on how to be with you and how to have a healthy relationship with you because what happens is for the people who have boundaries and you respect their boundaries they will stay in your lives yeah you know instead of you just trying to avoid somebody who always tries to overstep your boundaries yeah I mean what you just said that was so powerful I was interviewing someone the other day and they asked me the question they said well what's your working style so they're like What's you how do you like to be communicated with and how do you like to be informed of updates and things like that I don't know this is a great interview question like for someone to ask me I'm interviewing them completely but they're asking me that and I got to tell them and they're like what are your pet peeves when it comes to communicating yeah and so like I got to walk them through what I realized was they made me feel really comfortable and confident with them because I was like wow this person is really mature and knows that I'm not perfect I'm not always going to be available they need to understand a few things about me to work well with me what what was demanded of me though was self-awareness in order to infer that to them yeah and so what I find here is that what happens in relationships or in love is that we don't feel that way we feel that person should be perfect they should already understand me I should understand them and we're going to do whatever it takes to love each other and the other problem is even if you ask that question chances are a lot of people don't have the self-awareness to share what their pet peeves are so the girl who says to you hey I dance when I'm lonely that's high self-awareness right like that's uh the fact that there was an answer there that was satisfying to you and that almost left you speechless to some degree even highly left yes it's like oh wow so I find that there's two sides one is our openness that I'm going to get into a relationship where we're both not perfect the other is the other person having the knowledge of themselves yes and it feels like we're lacking in both right now I think definitely and I think one of the reasons is because of ideas around love we don't have to teach somebody that imperfection is is okay in the world of love every single person we currently love we could probably list out their imperfections yeah and then the second question is does do any of those imperfections disqualify them from your love you know also you know the analogy that I always think about too is like the first time I held my baby niece I had never met her before I had never had an interaction before but just holding her filled me up with love so you don't even need history you don't even need interaction so oftentimes we have this skewed idea that love is something you earn love is something you win love is something you qualify for love is at the end of the rainbow and I think these ideas motivate these types of actions we're like I have to appear perfect another thing I realize about myself recently and I think this is for a lot of men who are often seen as distant or avoidant is we spend so much time on a date trying to win over the other person charm them make them make them feel like we're we're really worth it that we spend no time looking at the other person to see is this a good fit for me totally we get over their wall we penetrate their Fortress we we make them feel safe then once they they communicate to us that they like us then we begin this process I'm like wait it's so true are they for me and then also we are viewing a human being and then also we we get this realization subconsciously or consciously that further connect with this person I'm gonna have to be vulnerable and then that raises anxiety and then we pull away and I think often women women find that confusing like I thought he was into me he was into the idea of you liking him without asking himself if you're a good fit and I think before we enter any of these situations we have to do that and I know the activities and the practices for that will build self-awareness and it really is going deeper than what we normally do oh that is so well explained all right so that is so well explained because love bombing is such a big thing right now yes and I did that in my teens massively like that's how I spent the majority of my teens where I I would be interested in a girl only to win her over to then Retreat as exactly like you said so I can relate to that so deeply how does and generally I don't know I've I've heard a lot of men admit to that or at least men that I have open relationships with where people will say that I don't know how much women do that like I I just haven't heard that and I don't want to build gender stereotypes or anything but I guess as the person in the relationship on the receiving end of that how do you know because it's somewhat a mutual exchange right so I'll give an example of what I mean and I want to unravel this with you because I think that's very common the amount of friends I have that are girls recently that have said that's happened to them no numerous so what's happening is I'm trying to win you over but you're allowing me to win you over you're also not doing the checking as to whether I'm for real or questioning that no so I guess what I'm asking is if you're on the receiving end of someone love bombing you and trying to impress you and trying to win you over what do you do in order to make sure that you are actually taking things slower because what ends up happening is you fall in love too fast that person then walks away and then you go oh but I thought we had something yeah so how do you avoid that I think you have to be intentional with what you're looking for okay if I don't you know if I don't know you I'm gonna love bomb you based off what I think your values are you know let's say oh I think based on the fact that she's wearing a pair of expensive shoes I need to seem like I have a lot of money so I'm going to pull out the Rolex I'm gonna pull out the nice card that's what I think matters to her I don't know and maybe for her she you know she's looking for the spark you know which I think is a whole other conversation in itself I think the best thing to do is abandon this idea of the spark and and instead actually ask yourself what do you want in a person so the activity that that I required to do in my therapy was I had to relive my entire love life I had to write it all down and then when I read it anytime I felt warm or I felt some love I had to highlight it and that's how I began to figure out what I specifically want I think generically everybody kind of wants the same thing well everyone goes like good looking good sense of humor like everyone says the same thing I literally went on the streets a couple of weeks ago or a couple maybe a month ago now and I was asking people what are the top three things you're looking for look for someone and they were like a nice smile good sense of humor and like I was like really like literally everyone said the same thing so yeah sorry carry on no no completely but and again I'm guilty of that as well but the next question is you're focused on the details and not the feelings so the next question should be what does a nice smile make you feel what do good looks make you feel what does knowing somebody is Rich make you feel that's your that's your actual list that's great you know no like oh I want him to be rich why well that's that's going to make me feel like I'm secure you know let me feel I'm taken care of so what you want is not someone who's rich you want someone that you know what to take care of you now there can be people who may not have the juiciest bank account but their energy their effort their determination you can just see it in their eyes you can see it on their day-to-day activity you can always put your money on that person they're always going to show up that'll give that'll that'll scratch that same itch and I think when we get very specific with what we care about and and how it makes us feel now that love bombing just won't work yeah you know because they're they're going based off of things that they think are kind of generic and as I said like we have this generic idea of what beauty is you know but we beauty isn't that yeah you know for some for one some person might be watching me right now think I'm super handsome somebody else may not and that's completely okay everyone's allowed to have their own taste but the feelings of what we're actually chasing even when we think about a person of the past an ex we don't miss them we miss the way they made us feel we can carry that feeling forward and require that as we get to know somebody can you establish all those feelings and and those markers in a first date no and I don't think you should you know I think it is important to be open to people given about give them that opportunity and see if they can elicit those feelings and I don't think love bombing someone can be clever enough to love bomb you through those feelings yeah because love bombing is not going to tap into a pathway of love it's going to tap into this fast food version of it the attention the validation making you seem like you matter um you know I read one of these posts recently that said listen stop bragging that you were chosen over somebody else most likely you were chosen because you have less boundaries wow you know so this isn't a brag worthy thing and again our media our songs all the things you know making us seem like you know we should be competing for each other all of this stuff it informs what we think matters you know we have this idea of the knight in shining armor and the Damsel in Distress like I went deep to try to figure out where that that came from real life back in feudal societies the only social Mobility you know a man had to to increase his chances of finding a a partner was to join the Army um you know because if he grew up on a farm you know there was an access to education or anything he had to join the Army potentially come back a hero and now that he's a hero he will have more more opportunities in an arranged marriage society as well to choose from it so now it's like be chosen and be chased and I think that that that dog and cat situation right now is really making us focus on external things whereas if we are grounded in who we are develop a healthier relationship initially it's going to close us off to a lot of people who aren't on this journey of self-awareness but in the long run it'll allow us to be that very minority now who stay in healthy relationships throughout their life wow man if you're listening right now or watching I'm talking to Humble the poet the book is called how to be loved uh by Humble poet simple truths for going easier on yourself embracing imperfection and loving your way to a better life make sure you go and order a copy while you're listening uh this conversation is blowing my mind it better be blowing yours too and I think there's just so many you know huge insights that that I'm taking away from you listening to you today because ultimately you're demanding a sense of vigilance from a person I think we're all still living in that very basic sense of I just want to be validated I want to be complimented I want to be appreciated so as long as someone's doing that we must be in love they must be kind they must be nice and that's too shallow like it's too it's not a healthy way of inferring whether someone feels good about you and it's funny because it can be really intoxicating yes like it can be really intoxicating that you lose all sight of reality and you think well This Must Be Love or this must be the truth I guess how do people slow down the idea of falling in love when like you said it's sold as so important and special and we're so desperate for it almost yeah right like we're wired to just want it now how do you kind of take your time as you're saying and I read a study that said it takes 200 hours to get to know someone and when I saw that number I thought well how many people in my adult life have I spent 200 hours with and I was thinking not many people have I spent 200 hours with I don't even think we have 200 hours I don't think so either and so you know when you when you start thinking about that you're like wow and and we're all trying to fall in love in like two months I think the study said that men say I love you after like three months and women take maybe four to six months to say I love you but that's quick yeah so how do you kind of slow this process down and what do you do in that slowness because as me and you know this isn't just about how many months you've been together yeah it's it's more than that completely I I think the big realization that I have is chasing the delicious will will never bring you around the nutritious and I think you know and that's really what this is so when you when you say the you know the validation is addicting it is it's it's salty french fries yeah and you can't just have one but you you do this long enough you're gonna feel like crap you know and now if you've been eating french fries all day and now someone goes here here's a plate full of broccoli it's going to be an adjustment and and that's what I'm saying here you have to establish a healthy relationship with yourself or you will be incapable of having a healthy relationship with anybody else I had a friend yesterday tell me if I break up with my boyfriend and he doesn't call me nine times panicking then he doesn't love me because he's not fighting for me I was like first off he's not fighting for you you know the only reason he's calling you nighttime because he is super anxious yeah that's he's trying to suppress him anxiety there's not there's no love in this conversation at all and what we have to understand is we have again the Bobbies and Whitney's the Ross's and Rachel's all of these things that we see you know even including our parents you know our first models of Love were those who raised us and they were imperfect beings you know and now we often find ourselves attracted to what's familiar over what's actually healthy you know and if your parents if your mom or your father was hard to impress you're going to find yourself being gravitated towards somebody who's hard to impress you know if you were a caregiver in the house and you want someone that you can take care of and again it's building this awareness it's understanding that I can keep doing this again I can keep eating fast food every single day and it'll feel like sustenance but it will take a toll on me and all of this stuff will exhaust us you know versus taking the long route which is hey I need to establish my relationship with myself I need to actually have a clear definition of what I want in a partner and the deeper I go with that the more unique it is I shouldn't be in a room full of five people and we all have the exact same wish list for a dream partner it should be very specific based off our experiences based off what we care about and based off where we're headed in our lives one of the analogies I use especially for my last relationship that didn't work is I don't have a bad thing to say about that person but we weren't going where I needed to go in that relationship and it's like if I got to go to Boston and there's a beautiful private jet going to Hawaii I can't get on that jet you know there's another amazing limo going to Florida I can't get on that if the only the only vehicle going to Boston is a bike I have to get on the bike but the first question is do I know where I'm going or where I want to go and I think for everybody right now if you feel alone you cannot Outsource that you cannot address that on the outside and now we do live in a world where okay you make the decision to get someone else to make you feel less lonely you build a life together you share a mortgage together you have a bunch of kids together and now you're just in that world and then you know you're doing external things to medicate from that as well and the challenge with that is as this Modern Life gets more and more convenient most of the things that we use to medicate ourselves turn into weapons against us as well you know it's a lot easier to get access to alcohol it's a lot easier to get access to any substances or junk food which are quick easy convenient and cheap so instead let's focus on what's nutritious and we all everybody listening knows what's nutritious for them they know that people when they're around that fill them up with energy instead of the people that they're around that drain them they know the places they know the activities we're all aware of those it's taking the long road because the long route lasts longer you know it takes longer to get there but it'll last longer and these short bits of like I just need to feel like I matter to somebody because my entire life I didn't feel like it that has to get addressed and that has to get addressed through Journal writing potentially therapy potentially coaching but and all of that is getting us out of black and white thinking and encouraging us to be more self-aware what I'm hearing is like there's a big difference between people that feel good for us and then people that are good for us and we're so addicted and obsessed with what feels good that we're not able to focus on what is good because we're almost compelled to be like well this person feels great they look great they sound great my friends think they're great my parents think they're awesome the world thinks really highly of them they must be the right person rather than what you're saying it and all I'm all I keep hearing and everything you're saying is like there is just so much work to do individually and personally and simultaneously in being in a relationship there's just so much reflection there's reflecting on the way your parents loved you there's reflecting on your exes there's like which is what you've been doing through this whole book journey there's reflecting on like how you got here there's reflecting on where you're going like there's just so much reflection and introspection required and most people just want to throw the towel in because it's exhausting it can be hard but I guess what we both agree on is that it's a lot harder to not do the work it's the pain of the work or the pain of the regret you know it's one of the other and I think also you know the subtitle says going easier on yourself look nobody is weak you know if I open up a bag of salty potato chips and I give you one and you want you're not weak from wanting another one you know and for people who eat really healthy they understand that that's not having unhealthy food in the kitchen that's leaving it at the grocery store you know and you do that long enough you can start to change your taste and you know personal story you showed me your snack drawer and you pointed to a bunch of things that were delicious and after trying I'm like oh this is all super healthy it's definitely his definition of delicious is way healthier than mine is my wife yeah yeah and and I've seen that before because we can actually change our taste you know addiction we all have addictions you know and there's to go from a bad place to a better place we have to travel through a worse place and the the multiple addictions we have whether we're addicted to a person whether we're addicted to social media all of it falls under the exact same category of unintended Rewards hmm I scroll through my phone see a bunch of stuff that makes me feel insecure see a bunch of news that heightens my anxiety oh look a cute puppy uh it was all worth it you know that's no different than gambling on a slot machine you just keep pulling it and then all of a sudden the reward comes that's no different than being in an abusive relationship the bad days are really bad but the good days we don't know when they're coming but they feel euphoric and getting ourselves out of that I think is really important it's like if I'm like oh I'm in the mood to have to go to this fast food restaurant I'm I'm so in the mood I go I eat it how long does the satisfaction from that actually last and also when things feel good they're not you know our roller coaster isn't going super high and super low so it's hard to even pay attention to that how is you know we don't notice when we're not feeling anxiety because it's not a feeling yeah and I think we have to really be mindful of that because we're not in a world that that is designed or encouraging us to make these healthy decisions because this world just needs us to to run on fumes contribute to its economy work work work work work keep up with everybody else if you're sleepy have some caffeine if you're too hyped up have a Xanax take them both different times and it's like just contribute and being aware of ourselves means we would find a lot of you know we'll we'll realize and the reason the cover says how to be loved with a D in parenthesis is the only way to realize love is to beat love is to realize you are the source of love and when you're the source of love you're not going to be going out and doing retail therapy when you're the source of love you're not not going to be you know traveling halfway across the city to take an Instagram photo to count your likes when you realize you're a source of love and that you can give it to everybody and it's a gift it's not a loan you're not giving it hoping it comes back you're giving it because you're overflowing with it the same way you would give it to a baby it doesn't need to be reciprocated the more we realize that the less we need it from the outside world and as I said nothing is designed around that we just have to again keep this junk food out of our kitchen keep it out of our homes and not be hard or critical on ourselves when we falter or when we have a bad day the last chapter of this book I specifically say I am all I'm doing I Am Not a Love Guru I am I'm a kid who I am somebody who's desperately trying to understand this because I've made mistakes in my life I'm the kid at the front of the class taking notes and at the end of the day all I'm telling you is the difference between french fries and broccoli and while I'm telling you the difference I'm eating some french fries and I'm eating some broccoli you know yeah yeah and that's important I think and and for you and I we both know this being in uh being embraced in the Wellness Community you know over on this side of the ocean everything's very linear it's like hey I used to be really messed up and then I learned all this stuff and now I'm awesome and for three payments of 1995 you could be awesome too and I think for guys like us we're more into cycle and like hey I'm messed up I figured out what the problem was I learned some stuff I'm sharing what I'm learning still struggling with stuff but I'm going to continue this journey and it's just like I'm gonna have my winter spring summer and fall yeah and that's going to be a constant thing and I'll be constantly working on it join me on that journey and let's compare notes let's compare best practices um and let's realize that we're not alone because we're critical when we think we're the only one unrelated to love I remember finding you know finding an accountant and having so much anxiety because I was an artist for so long and didn't do any taxes or anything you know he helped me out in an hour and he told someone that story realizing that they had the same anxiety and told someone else and they had that there's a lot of anxiety that people have and they feel shame and guilt that they're the only ones going through it I think the more we reveal this stuff the more we have these conversations openly you know it may not get us a lot of likes on Instagram um and and it may scare away some people who want who have an idea of who they think we are and for me one of the biggest lessons I learned in the last year was more damaging than any criticism I've ever received were the compliments because the compliments put me in a cage it was one friend that said yo humble nothing ever bothers this guy this guy's always cool he's always calm and then I want to live up to that yeah and I almost crumbled with that facade wow you know and that became reputations themselves can can become a prison so we need to do our best to break out of those knowing that half the time those reputations we create were there to protect us and we don't realize now they're imprisoning us I mean that's a whole nother level of deep man like yeah no it's so true it's so true I you know I was just in the studio recording my calm meditations and so we once a month I'm in the studio for like four or five days a week four or five hours at a time to do a month of content for for my daily meditations on calm and me and the crew have a really good like uh banter yeah so there's a producer in the studio there's a sound engineer in the studio and there's two sound Engineers uh remote but it's the same team we work with every month and I've worked with them for 12 months now nearly and it's we have such great Banton all we do is lay into each other we're joking around and then I'm teaching meditation at the same time and I kind of set that culture from the beginning where I was joking around with everyone messing around with everyone for that same reason that I don't want to be perceived as a guru and and I'll often go out my way to talk about soccer or FIFA or whatever it may be just because and I love soccer on people like that's a real genuine love for me but I'll do that in order to get away from this kind of pedestal because what I've realized is everyone's a theist like everyone's looking for God in their own way whether your God is your football team or whether your God is your favorite restaurant or where your God is a person and so everyone's looking for God in some way or the other and we keep projecting god-like imagery onto people and then they let us down and everyone will let you down there isn't anyone who live up to that Godlike imagery and then we almost make it like it's a fault in them yeah as opposed to realizing that it was a fault in a vision that that someone could be that way it's hard to feel that pressure on yourself like what you're saying like if humble's always the calm collected guy that's like a god-like projection yeah none of us are always calm I'm definitely always calm uh I'm definitely not always uh you know thoughtful and reflective I can be irritated irritable and irritated uh so yeah I I love that idea of breaking your own reputation for yourself and and I think just a reminder that it will not disqualify you from love um there is a four minute compilation video on YouTube of Beyonce falling off stage and I challenge anyone to watch it and think if it changes their love for her in any capacity it doesn't um if anything it increases it increases it and again going back to our our village small tribe days this was this is also a survival tactic it's you had to find the best hunter and start to emulate them and almost worship them because you would hunt like them and that would be good for the whole tribe But Not only would we start hunting like them we would start dressing like them walking like them talking like them you know and that's built into our culture where it's like I love the way LeBron James plays basketball I love the way Steph Curry plays basketball but now I'm also going to drink whatever beverage he drinks I'm also going to wear the shoes he wears and then also they're encouraged to not film their practice and just let us see them become superhuman on stage in front of us we don't watch them to be good we watch them to get better so this also puts in this message that Perfection is something that you want but again perfection is not real these people aren't perfect I'm not perfect you're not perfect and that's important for us not to be perfect because that's the only way we can actually be vulnerable and have these meaningful connections and knowing you know as and it's having these conversations especially having conversations with people who are on social media that don't even have they're not even public figures and they still refer to the people like the people need the people want to see where I'm going on vacation you know like who is the people the big and the big thing I've been thinking about you know recently is this concept of again getting out of the black and white thinking you know there are rewards and punishments society and social media and your friends groups will reward certain behavior and it can be subtle and you can see that your parents growing up they reward a certain Behavior we have to realize that not receiving a reward is not the same as a punishment you know so when people say Society expects me to be beautiful you may be right I'm not going to argue with that so I can't tell someone what signals and cues they get but what I can tell you is if you decide not to play the game you won't be punished if anything you'll be left alone you know if I don't play social media the way it needs to get played I may not grow but they're not going to blow up my phone you know and you know and and make it impossible for me to exist I just may not get any more rewards and I think that's important to understand that not getting a reward is not a punishment let's get out of that black and white thinking and then again we can be a little bit easier on ourselves a little bit more liberated because the maintaining these expectations expectations are going to only close more Pathways to love expectations from other people expectations of ourselves what we have to do is just have intentions which is I want to get better every day you know and that progress is something that we can celebrate each self-respect and we can also do that with other people we can set intentions of what we want things to be and those intentions will also include our boundaries oh man so powerful I wanna I wanna talk about we've talked a lot about like finding love within yourself you know being alone finding that inner growth that confidence we've talked a lot about meeting the right person how do you know whether to figure out if someone's right for you knowing what you want in someone I'm intrigued by you know when we have been in a relationship for a long time and you were in a long relationship that inspired you to write this book and you find as you said you're going those separate ways like you want to go to Boston private jet going to Hawaii sometimes we spend longer in a relationship trying to figure out whether it's going to last then we do in actually building it making it last yeah so we're questioning a relationship for longer than we're creating a relationship so if someone's in that phase of their life what are some of the things that you thought about what are some of the things you discovered in the writing of this book that you'd encourage them to reflect on or introspect on without playing the blame game Let's always focus on where we can take responsibility because that's where we'll have power in any situation you know if somebody rear-ends my car that's not my fault but it's still my responsibility I gotta go to the mechanic I got to go handle insurance and I think in our conflicts with people we have to look at our responsibilities as well and I think that's super important in these situations when we look at our responsibility what we can start to focus on is love as the verb love through service one of the simple things that I realized was like okay when I feel enthusiastic about somebody I want to share my world with them that doesn't build a connection as much as me enthusiastically diving into their world so true man yeah and this doesn't just apply to romantic relationships this can be you and your grandkid this can be you and your siblings this can be you and a co-worker you know these relationships is we make them about ourselves because we want to find that value but we'll gain more value and build stronger connections when we dive into the other person's world and start to see that now for some people communication I think you know communication is key you know everything needs to be a conversation we need to become more aware as a couple as well about what we have expectations of because so often it's a template having a conversation with somebody yesterday even like the definition of things what's the definition of cheating everyone has different definitions you know and if somebody's like okay well it's physical but then somebody else might be emotional you know and that is something that you know these are uncomfortable conversations need to happen for for folks like us we grew up around arranged marriages and I think the one thing that I always thought was cool about arranged marriages is they ask a lot of the inconvenient uncomfortable questions they ask those up from the jump you know family history medical history finances all this type of stuff but I think all these uncomfortable conversations which we think you know we'll just kind of fall into place uh Jordan Peterson talks about this he goes have a definition of what a made bed looks like have a definition of what you know the rules are at The Breakfast Table you know including yourself recognizing the micro issues that can become bigger issues and you address them you nip them at the butt you know and I think those are really interesting things to do um I love the Shirley glass analogy too which is walls and windows which is when you're in a romantic relationship with somebody there's a window between you so first acknowledge there is a window so now let's not look at that other person as our possession let's look at them as someone who's opened a window to us and we have uh access to them and then we need to create a wall around us because the moment somebody outside gets a better view of what's happening on the inside that can be a really strong definition of infidelity you know whether it's physical or not but I think that's a really important thing to understand this is not your person this is somebody who's giving you access to them and now you can continually strengthen that relationship and I think the other one is love is a game but the goal of the game is not to win the goal of the game is to keep it fun so everybody keeps wanting to play so treat it like a game but treat it where the goal is for every you want to keep everybody in the room wanting to play and I think that's important because when we get into battles or disagreements the disagreements turn into something else very quickly and there's something called the The Bagel method or donut method depending on what you like better yeah and you have the small circle and you have the big circle whenever there's a disagreement the small circle is where you should identify and this is from The godman Institute I'm not taking credit for this one but the small circle is where you identify your non your actual non-negotiables me and you're going to go to dinner what are the actual non-negotiables you're vegan that's an actual non-negotiable now all the everything else becomes a lot clearer or there might be three four more things that maybe had Mexican yesterday so today we're not we're not going for Mexican don't want to have carbs so I don't want to do pasta or what have you doing that for yourself first prepares you to communicate to somebody else and I think that's really important so often we expect people to just know us just understand us read our minds to all we've been talking about is self-awareness and it's an endless Journey we don't even know us I don't know me how can I expect you to know me and then when you do know me through your observations of me externally recognize that you're on my team and you're telling me these things for the benefit of of us when there's a problem it should not be me versus the other person it should be us versus the problem and the big idea in explaining all of this is realizing that love is fuel not glue love doesn't keep us together love is what we use to work at it and this applies to romantic relationships our relationship with our co-workers our friends our family we have to work at it we sometimes feel like it's autopilot because especially I know brown boys and their moms we get this unconditional love just for existing that can't be what we're looking for in our romantic relationships there needs to be conditions and then we need to stay we need to be on our toes putting in energy and effort you know and I think that's really important where you know back to what I've learned from you through the Gita you were only entitled to the labor and that labor in itself should be the reward not the outcome of that labor and in these relationships saying I I love you and I want to serve you and serving you is the point of review and this is where the love is revealed you know love is going back to the original you don't win love you don't find love the love is already there you're doing the work so the analogy I like to use is love is the breeze and the work that we're doing is to open our sails you know I struggled in my last situation because I could not receive love it wasn't that there wasn't love there it was my inability to open my sales because of the walls the lack of vulnerability my need to win in an argument my need to to be in control my silly ideas there might be something better out there all these ideas I realized that it was me I had my door closed I had my sales closed to the breeze that was always there when we do that work and that by default will create a better relationship with ourselves which will inform every single relationship we have around us masterclass man masterclass I want everyone to know uh when you open up this book because you're going to order it straight off to this conversation if you haven't already uh there are chapters in here that will blow your mind uh I want to share some of them with you we've talked about a lot of them today but there's a lot we have not talked about so we have we we discussed oh this one we did not talk about love and ego won't hold hands definitely going to read that chapter uh chapter 18 Envy pulls us away from love uh definitely want you to go and check out that chapter uh this one is is one that really struck out to me uh they can only love us for yesterday uh love is saying no there are some phenomenal chapters in this book uh I highly recommend it the book is called how to be loved uh simple truths for going easier on yourself embracing imperfection and loving your way to a better life humble this has been I mean that we should record our conversations more often because I'm like this has even been one of those like it's been a really fun like what I love doing with you which we've done today which we do in real life all the time is we like really unpack stuff yeah we kind of like critically analyze stuff and we're kind of try and like break down as much as we can to try and get to the core of what we're talking about is there something that I haven't asked you about today or that you feel compelled to share with our community that's really on your heart that you want to uh pass forward I mean as we were reading all the chapters I want people to know every chapter is only two pages that's why there's so many chapters there's over 60 chapters um and and the way we designed the book and I would love for you to do it you can open to any page and you will find a quote that that stands out immediately um that will give you that so what does it the more we keep our word and act on our commitments the more momentum we create and the better habits we can build and and that is talking about self-love so all it is is you can open this book to any page you'll find something you love um if you read that first chapter you know you'll definitely be in tears as I was in tears writing it and if you finish this book you're going to walk away not considering love complicated you know love is simple not easy I'm not saying Love is Easy I'm saying love is simple you know this was a labor of love and a labor too love for me to write and and I really really really appreciate you you know opening me up to your community and all the help that you've done for me even behind the scenes with this you know I it taught me the Journey of going through this has taught me a lot in terms of service in terms of authentic love and I'm super grateful for that and thank you so much for having me man of course brother I highly recommend this book as humble said it's one of those rare books that you can literally flip to any page and you're gonna find wisdom right there and so if you're one of those people who needs it made really simple really accessible uh to kind of shake you out wake you up you know take your mind away from distractions this book is beautifully created for that I highly recommend this book uh I'm gonna be picking it as one of my books of the months for my genius Community as well please please go support humble he's an awesome dude as well in real life uh please go follow him on Instagram on Twitter on all forms of social media and make sure that you tag me in Humble with your insights and your takeaways from this episode I think we've really got into some fascinating territory that I didn't even think we would and I want to know what your thoughts are on that what your Reflections are on that so make sure you tag us both on Instagram with your biggest biggest insights and I can't wait for you to listen to another episode of on purpose big shout out to Humble for turning up again humble was I mean I want to end with this because you were one of the first guests to ever come on the show you're in the first couple of months when we launched and that's really special for me because when we started the podcast and when you would have recorded with me the podcast didn't even exist I don't think and for everyone who believed in me to come on the show back then means the world to me so so the credit goes back to you because I mean I remember when you asked me I was like me you bought me on the podcast and it was you know it filled my heart and yeah it was definitely you know there was a little kind of a juxtaposition here like I'm coming to talk to my friend but this is also the biggest podcast in the world and it's like the excitement of talking to Jay but the the anxiety around being on a podcast is it's just it really tripped me out a lot and I and I appreciate as I said I appreciate you having me but I'm so happy and proud I think what I want your audience to know is one of the reasons our conversation goes too long it's because you are so clear and Purpose Driven with what you do so you don't when we La is a City full of dreamers and you are you are you're you're Mission based so you don't tell me your Ambitions you tell me your mission and then I watched the mission come to life and you know with most people you know your goals should be clear your strategies can be negotiable and I think you know when you mention this podcast and you mentioned um a million of the other things that you that you're doing to watch you speak about it to watch it come to life and to watch it grow and to watch it become like in everybody's people quote you all the time to me not knowing we know each other I think recently in an episode you mentioned my name my phone blows up and it becomes and but it just makes me so proud because this is a this is Purpose Driven but it takes work and you have an amazing team helping you do it and you're consistent with it and good things happen to people who stick with it so just like congratulations with this for me this being full circle being being one of the First episodes and me being here now seeing all the changes that you do has been it's just it fills my heart yeah that that also lets me know where love exists well and as your friend and also as someone who you know doesn't like to falsely glorify and just pump people up for the sake of it because I don't see the value in that in the same way as I don't see the value in criticizing people for no reason you crushed today man like everything that you shared there were so many great messages and I honestly haven't like thought this fast and reflected on so many things this much in a long time and so you have this unique ability to get me in the zone really quickly too and I value that friendship so much man it's such a rare intellectual pleasure and joy as well no it's always fun man I wish you know I'm glad this is recorded so I don't need the notepad yeah whoa everyone else is going to need a notepad yeah but thank you humble uh again everyone the book is called How to Be Love uh go and grab your copy right now and thank you so much for listening to this episode if you want even more videos just like this one make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book think like a monk from think like a monkbook.com check Below in the description to make sure you order today

Channel: Jay Shetty Podcast

Views: 157,185

Keywords: Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty Podcast, Jay Shetty Interview, On Purpose Podcast, Jay Shetty Inspiration, Jay Shetty Motivation, Jay Shetty Video, Self help, Self improvement, Self development, entrepreneur, success habits, purpose podcast, Jay Shetty relationships

Id: oZU2pS_bOUY

Length: 72min 22sec (4342 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 26 2022