The Book Was Better: Troy Review

that's I know we're in trouble but don't worry I one more trap ready in case this happened nerve gas flood of living room on standby now we're talking this will flood the other room and kill that son of a [ __ ] nerve gas flood malfunction what flaw detected in Nerf gas line repair time estimated 45 minutes the store will never hold that long I'll break it down long before we can hope to save yourself I know but there's nothing else I can do I guess I'll just have to review a [Music] movie and theme [Music] song [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right seeing as how I'm about to die any minute now I thought I might as well review something that's annoyed me ever since it came out something based on a classic something with so much yet so little effort put into it that once you scratch the polish off the surface it's a wonder how it ever became popular I'm talking about a movie that betrays its source material I'm talking about a movie that goes straight for the action and romance and dams everything else I'm talking about the movie Troy this is it guys the big one welcome to the book was better big Blockbuster [Music] bastardization [Music] this is one of those films that you either enjoyed or didn't really care for no real extremes either way which is never good for a story books and movies should drive emotions stir passions bring Enlightenment make the audience boil with anger but when you just point a bunch of famous names at a camera with almost no research done for the script you're likely going to have an un impressive mess of a movie and yes I mean it when I say I can't find hide nor hair of any historical adviser or drama Turk for this flick but I can hear the Defenders of Troy already saying oh but it made $500 million it won a bunch of awards and a lot of a claim well guess what you just described Twilight are you saying we shouldn't mock Twilight the movie came out in 2004 and stars Brad Pit Eric Bana Peter otoul D van Krueger Brian Cox sha Bean Rose Burn and Orlando Bloom reprising his role of legless and I swear the only reason they cast Orlando Bloom was because he had just walked off the set of Lord of the Rings seriously they needed a young attractive Archer to play the part of Paris and trust me the plagiarizing gets pretty blatant near the end of the movie now the movie claims to be inspired by The Iliad easily one of the most famous poems of all time it's now believed that it was written somewhere around 1250 BC by Homer it has more history more depth and more detail than I could possibly go into before R smashes down my door and kills me I will end you so a very brief summary we'll have to do the actual events depicted in The Iliad are actually pretty short occurring near the end of the Trojan War the backstory starts when Paris the prince of Troy takes Helen the queen of Sparta as his own away from menus the King of Sparta menus then goes to his brother Agamemnon who brings the kings of Greece together declaring war upon Troy for the return of Helen among the Greek heroes are odyusa the greater Petrus and of course the main attraction himself Achilles said to be the greatest hero in the world in fact the elliottt is really just about Achilles in his anger with the original Greek using the word Manus meaning Fury which was normally used only in reference to the God's anger the actual poem takes place after the war had been going on for several years and the tensions are high among the Greek Soldiers Part particularly between Achilles and Agamemnon everyone wants to go home but Agamemnon too prideful to give in presses them onwards the Greeks and the Trojans Clash back and forth in battles so severe that even the gods take sides and get involved on several occasions hell the gods begin to fight amongst themselves for some of the war griping over who should win the poem actually ends after the Trojan Prince Hector is killed by Achilles his body defiled and then returned to his father but the story of the war continues several Heroes die and there seems to be no end in sight until adicus clever as he is designs what will become known as the Trojan Horse the Greeks hide inside the hollow statue the Trojans think the Greeks have left and take the statue inside the city walls then the Greeks slip out open the gates kill the Trojans and take the City under cover of Nightfall and they all live together in the house that jet built blah blah blah so they think they can tell a story that has all that great action scenes awesome character moments and tell the whole thing in less than 3 hours well good luck because this is Troy so we open out a battlefield as odius narrates men are haunted by the vastness of Eternity and so we ask ourselves will our actions Echo across the centuries will strangers hear our names long after we're gone and wonder who we were and already I'm pissed off the overall message of The Iliad was a cautionary tale about pride and divine wrath but judging by the first line here we're going to get an action flick about remembrance and Glory does this count can we add this to the list of the others all right onwards this meeting of the armies is just King agnon's continued Outreach for Glory and control over all of Greece good day for the crows perhaps today is a good day to die I don't want to watch another Massacre let's settle this war in the old manner your best fighter against my best so the two kings decide to send in only their best men Winner Takes all Old King Cole here sends out the world strongman champion of 1996 I'm not even kidding look it up while Agamemnon sends out ailles the ancient Greek version of Sterling Archer you're not taking this Mission you never qualified as a counter sniper I I would have you know if I'd gone to the thing Achilles finally shows up the battle late after dissing a small messenger boy and disrespecting Agamemnon also was anyone else bothered by Brad Pit's accent here at night I see their faces all the men I've killed where I don't know please I have something get him out of Troy Imagine a King who fights his own battles wouldn't that be a sight of all the Warlords loved by the gods I hate him the most and here I have to ask why we see that these two have a shaky relationship but why don't they like each other in The Iliad Achilles is all about honor and personal Glory but he doesn't have a reason to really hate Agamemnon or not show up to battle until after Agamemnon takes away bras Achilles War prize when they land in Troy here he just comes off as impudent impatient and apathetic exactly what you want to see in a legendary hero isn't it and it's such an easy fix too just add a few lines of dialogue later on hey Achilles how was your latest battle the same as every battle I do all the fighting but Agamemnon takes the glory wow that guy's a dick I know right imagine a king who fights his own battles wouldn't that be a sight I mean they try to write it off with this line of dialogue here but Achilles is a soldier this is his job you don't hate your boss because your boss is your boss you hate your boss because your boss is an [ __ ] or he made you review chick flip for a month after Achilles easily bests his opponent we get to see Sparta this is sp boy I am flying through these references today King menus is holding a feast for the princes of Troy Hector and Paris played by Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom at least Eric Bana keeps his pants on in this [Music] movie they're celebrating the recent peace treaty between Sparta and Troy which brings about new chances for trade and economic prosperity and Paris has to [ __ ] it up by Sleeping with men as his wife they're beautiful but I can't wear them and allows would kill us both don't be afraid of him yeah I mean he may be a powerful warrior king but he's also a terrible sexist bastard who would probably kill you with the slightest provocation wait my wife waits for me in Troy my wife waits for me right there why is it for breeding understand for making the differences come enjoy yourself tonight and I'm going to ask that you remember this scene for later trust me it's important so the party ends well and the treaty is sealed and then Paris [ __ ] it up by taking Helen home with him wait you fool listen to me do you know what you've done do you know how many years Our Father word for peace that's true he no doubt spent a lot of effort sewing the seeds of peace and something like this could easily ruin all of that go on King Priam tell Paris off welcome or welcome Helen with open arms and offer no resistance to something that could easily plunge your city into war because who needs character consistency so Helen gets a warm introduction to Troy welcomed by the royal family and everyone in the city but there is a risk that menas would attack Troy to get Helen Back a risk that makes Paris wonder if fleeing Troy would be a better option but this is your home you left your home for me spart was never my home my parents sent me there when I was 16 to marry menow but it was never my home no wait what no Helen was the rightful heir to Sparta she chose menus out of all her suitors and menus married into the Spartan royal family that's why getting her back was so important he didn't have a legitimate grasp on the throne without her but no that's not what the movie would have you believe besides this is the same guy who earlier said why is it for breeding if women really are just for breeding and are so easily replaced and Helen married into the Spartan royal family then why would Manas care if she walked off with someone is it because of personal Pride sure that could work as an excuse but it's far less intriguing of a reason than him fighting for his stake at the throne besides according to the backstory when Paris took Helen he also took a fair amount of gold and treasures from Sparta so yeah this isn't the happy love story that the movie's trying to shift it to Paris isn't the naive romantic hero he's a selfish coward who's allowed to get away with whatever he wants and this war is the result of his hubris but forget using a story to tell a message about the dangers of being selfish prideful or a poor guest Let's ignore the deeper meeting to an immortal story so that Orlando Bloom can get laid so as the Trojans prepare for war agamemnon's forces do the same Gathering the kings of Greece as well as Achilles who reluctantly agrees to come along although the way this scene is shot I can't tell if achillus is supposed to look like a creepy yoga instructor or a Disney princess who yearns for [Music] more after the cast of characters introduced we get a big action scene with a Greek storming the beach and I can't be the only one who feels like he's watching Saving Private [Music] Ryan well that's OD coincidence hey do you think Troy borrows scenes from any other mov [Music] movies so we get what is a pretty impressive fight scene complete with the Greeks seizing the beach as well as brus Priestess to Apollo and Hector and paris's cousin they thought she'd um amuse you like Brad Pit needs help getting a woman all he has to do is take off his shirt and then they'll ask him how he wants it what do you want here in Troy you see you didn't come for this Barton Queen what would all men want I just wanted more oh my God he is a Disney [Music] princess now by this point the movie starts to catch up to the events in the book Achilles captures besas agamon takes besas from Achilles thus escalating their hatred of one another and Paris decides to fight metas one-on-one for Helen they play out decently even though this is at the end of day one of the Trojan War and in the poem these events occurred after 9 years now this actually kind of works since the poem doesn't have to be taken literally in describing the 10year length of the war besides one could make the argument that 10 years was chosen arbitrarily just to demonstrate the longevity of conflict so the day arrives and Paris prepares to fight menus but while Paris Dawn some strong impressive AR armor to fight with menus does not I accept your challenge and tonight I'll drink to your bones I mean look at this armor up close it's like it's made of cloth not any kind of metal or even leather just wool or maybe cotton I'll just wait here for you to get your armor nah that's all the way in the boat I'll just fight in this dishcloth are you sure that's wise [ __ ] you drinking to your bones tonight so the fight between Paris and menas like so many others is a good one you see things from paris's perspective which shows how intimidating a sword fight can be and just like the poem Paris gets scared and runs off and then this happens the fight is over the fight is not over stand back Prince Hector I'll kill him at your feet I don't care he's my brother oh yes this SC now did that happen in book five or no no no maybe it was book eight or could it have been oh that's right menas survives the war not only does this screw up the ending since he's supposed to get Helen back but it throws hecker's honor into question this was a one-on-one fight to the death that he just bued into which would have been very dishonorable now could you retell the story like this yeah sure you could but there's a problem even in that scenario this goes against the theme of Greek character in society versus Trojan character in society that the movie's been playing with so far not sure what I mean well let's examine that the Trojans are represented mainly by Hector Paris and King Priam two very attractive men and a kindly old man all very good-looking people now the Greeks on the other hand are mainly represented by Agamemnon menaus and achilles Agamemnon is old and greedy menus is old and has anger issues and although Brad Pit is attractive he's also rash and antagonistic now why am I pointing this out because the movie's been trying to side the audience with the Trojans think about it everything we've seen thus far has cast all the sympathy towards Troy even going so far as naming the movie after them this takes away from the original story which painted the Greeks more as the good guys I wouldn't mind switching things around to tell a slightly altered story except there's almost nothing good coming out of the gree forces and almost nothing bad coming from the Trojans a better story would have had a mix of both on each side that would have shown true character hell paris's repugnant cowardice is all but removed from the movie and the movie tries to justify it by portraying the fight directly from his perspective plus there are plenty of contrasting moments throughout the movie to consider see that one over there I pied specially he a little lioness thank you my wife waits for me in Troy send an emry to the Greeks tell them they can collect their dead are they have done the same for us please the children spare the Innocents nobody's innocent nobody why is it for breeding still sulking after being insulted by Agamemnon Achilles and his Elite mermad actually sat the entire last battle out which many of the Greeks believed was why they lost with the Greeks morale broken the Trojans meet them on the beach to finish them off and drive them back across the sea but the strategy has one gaping [Applause] flaw yeah now this is a fight Achilles and his Elite badass is coming in to save their comrades in one massive push to fight the Trojans Achilles even fights Hector in a match so exciting the surrounding chaos subsides this is amazing this is spectacular this is a major buzz kill actually it wasn't Achilles but his cousin Petrus and I wasn't kidding when I said it was a buzz kill enough for one day back to the ships back to the ships well that's it one guy you've never met before dies and suddenly the entire battle is over I'm glad this didn't happen during the Battle of Midway to be fair I think the movie is trying to use Petra's young age as kind of a shock since I guess he's not supposed to be old enough to fight but come on can you really look at him and say he's not old enough to be in a battle like this besides Not only was it believed that he was older in The Iliad but he actually had a kill count that rivaled Achilles speaking of Achilles he's not exactly thrilled that his cousin happen to die in combat pus we thought he was you my Lord he wore your armor your Shield your Greaves your helmet he even moved like you where is it so Achilles shocked to discover that bringing his cousin to a war zone was probably a bad idea takes up his sword and armor and Rock rides to the walls of Troy to call Hector out Hector Hector Hector a lot Hector Hector Hector Hector Hector Hector Hector what Hector saw this coming since he knew Achilles would want revenge and so he says goodbye to his family who knows that he likely won't return apoll guard you my prince you're the best man I know I'm going to die because you're a horny [ __ ] Hector goes to face Achilles and once again we get a really cool fight scene really they even present it well Hector says goodbye to everything and everyone he knows and there are signs that he's afraid to fight Achilles in the poem he ran around the outside of the walls three times before the gods intervened and stopped him but of course Achilles wins the fight and desecrates Hector's Body by dragging him behind a hored drawn carriage boy there are a lot of downsides to being a stunt double my agent is fired so King PRI finds his way into the Greek Camp despite it being heavily guarded and gives what is probably the best line in the whole movie are you I have endured what no one on earth has endured before I kiss the hands of the man who killed my son again demonstrating that Peter oul was a good choice to play prium he also might have been a good understudy for Uriel septum in case Patrick Stewart wasn't available do not mock the gods so PR gives Achilles an impassioned speech and convinces him to return Hector's body if I let you walk out of here doesn't change anything you're still my enemy in the morning you're still my enemy tonight but even enemies can show respect as an added bonus Achilles also returns procus even though he claimed that he was never really keeping her in place and in no way indicated that she was stuck in the camp although in The Iliad she was his War prize and biggest reason for hating Agamemnon when the high King stole her away but [ __ ] that entire plot thread let's just clean up ail's act and make him a good guy for the rest of the movie am I still your captive come I guess because who needs consistency when you have abs that good Achilles makes a deal with pre that no Greek will attack Troy for 12 days so that Hector can be given a proper funeral and then they put coins in Hector's eyes even though the Greeks and Trojans weren't doing that when the war would have been fought coins were actually placed below the tongue but again this movie apparently has no historical advisor hell even Blind Guardian a power metal band from Germany figured that out in their song and then there was silence that been placed below my so this is actually where the Elliot ended I'm not kidding once Hector's body was returned the poem ends on the line that was the funeral of Hector breaker of horses but of course the movie can in like that so they throw in perhaps the most famous element of the entire story the Trojan Horse well dsus you found a way to make the Sheep invite the Wolves to dinner the Trojans thinking this is a tribute to Biden who when Greek myth created the first horse take the statue into the City and as most of you know it was actually filled with Greek soldiers who broke out and started killing the Trojans within their own walls adicus signals to open the gates we get a quick shot of some filming equipment and the Greek army charges inside of Troy and begin slaughtering the citizens and burning the buildings I promise you brother I promise you bur it bur it alone now normally this would be a decent way to end the movie but then they had to [ __ ] that up now it's not as bad as Repo Men but it does spit in the face of Homer Greek mythology history character study and about half the movie's own Mythos that it developed up to this point Achilles runs off from the rest of the Greeks but not to slaughter Trojans like the rest of them no he has a different [Music] mission where is she where I don't know please I have a get him out of Troy well where the hell did this come from you can argue that he's sparing Trojans because of his little talk with Priam but why is he going after prus is he in love with her well when was that established Achilles was dead when the Trojan Horse was built so did you really have nothing better for him to do you have to force a romance subplot out of the bloody ether and then there's what they did to Paris come I stay no my father will never abandon the city I can't leave you ran from every bit of combat you were ever involved in stop breaking character par save yourself ah okay this is what I meant when I said they chose Orlando Bloom for this role just because he played legalis in fact he's really just reprising his role here Paris was also supposed to die before the Trojan Horse was built his most notable act in combat would be slaying Achilles but he did it with an arrow through the heel meaning he did it from range and from behind again a coward's tactic at least the movie got that right though it tries to play it off like some heroic moment and then there's Ag aimn and he's no you know what I'm going to tell you what happens in the story before I show you what happens in the movie movie before he left Greece Agamemnon sacrificed his eldest daughter to the gods for passage across the sea to Troy so when he got home his wife Clum nestra murdered him some accounts say she drown him with a net While others say her lover Aisa slit his throat now let's see the movie's version after he captured Rus a troan priestess scrubbing my Flo and the night yeah not as dramatic is it I'd say it's almost like they threw it together at the last minute in fact a lot of the ending feels like it was written by an entirely different person the movie was somewhat tolerable up to this point but now it's just being sloppy character arcs and motivations are just being thrown out the window to quickly wrap up the movie so Achilles dies while Troy Burns Paris escapes with a group of refugees and gets to live with Helen despite causing the deaths of literally thousands of people without any kind of punishment for it and AD disia gives an ending speech if they ever tell my story let them say I walked with Giants and that was Troy and it was wait a minute I just realized sha Bean played dsus here and lived through the movie and he played Zeus and Percy Jackson and lived through the movie guys we found the secret formula for keeping sha Bean alive in a movie it just has has to involve Greek [Music] mythology all right so this movie is very conflicting to judge on one hand it has some of the most impressive fight scenes I've seen in a long while and the acting ranges from pretty good to downright lovable however the message of the movie is a twisted reinterpretation of the classic poem it goes from a war story that focuses on the flaws of mankind to an action movie with an obnoxious Love Story shoved down our throats letting Parish live was one of the movie's biggest insults but my guess is that they did it because Orlando Bloom was still one of the hottest actors around then and they didn't want to kill him lest his Legions of teenage Fang girls riot in the streets when you let your actors get in the way of telling a good story you've just made the first of many mistakes I might stand alone on the direction the movie tried to go in vilifying the Greeks but it just bothers me were the Greeks perfect Gods know but it just feels like the director isn't giving the Greeks a fair chance almost like he's attempting to rewrite history and speaking of History there's also the missing gods to discuss perhaps the movie was going for a more likely imagining of the war in a way that may have actually happened well they probably didn't literally have Gods swooping down every now and then to save the day but then again one can argue that the gods were really just the internal emotions of the Greeks and Trojans being projected symbolically for the readers but again if they were going for a more historical approach then why not hire a historical adviser why make mistakes that took me 10 seconds to check on Google and then there's the scope of the film yes the fight scenes are amazing and the movie did a good job of the special effects but at the same time the war was over in almost no time at all Troy might not have fallen in a day but it did fall in less than 3 weeks and 12 of those days were taken up by Hector's funeral games you'd think the director could figure out how to do a montage or maybe a Time skip or something hell have the Greeks raid a few outlying Villages Troy didn't fight on its own it had allies just like the Greeks did over all the film's biggest problem is that outside of the fight scenes there's very little to really drive the audience's emotions yes the sets are great yes the cast worked very hard and yes the effects are impressive when the equipment isn't in the shot but there's very little substance to it and you might walk away having had a good time but you likely won't be talking about it with your friends the next day about how amazing or awful it was it just finishes with an okay rating in fact to really get into the specifics of this I'm starting a new rating system a new guy to judge the original book The movie as an adaptation and the movie by itself just as a movie The ilot is a classic but it would probably be difficult for a lot of new readers to get into still there is a lot of history and speculation behind it making for lots of controversial discussions even today like whether or not Achilles and petrius were lovers not cousins The Iliad gets four out of five stars or if you want a different telling of the Trojan War then I recommend you check out the age of bronze series by Eric shanower it has beautiful artwork a great story and has so far won two Eisner Awards now as a movie Troy is a little long-winded and can Meander but does tell a story with detailed scenes and good acting so it gets three out of five stars the movie does a good job in bringing several scenes to life from the poem and presents them very well however the movie is also poorly researched and has several stupid choices thrown in for no apparent reason beyond the flawed reinterpretation the director wanted to tell as an adaptation it only gets two out of five stars and there you have it Troy has been tackled and so has my door you don't have to do this if you walk away now I won't come after you you already know those won't work fight me if you want but you're just a Lamey inevitable wait you said before you can't kill me what made you change your mind I'm not here to kill you I can't let you die but there is nothing stopping me from biting you with shackles throwing you in a dungeon okay I think it just made a thousand slfi Fang girls squeal with joy does everything out of your mouth have to be an idiotic quip damn [Music] it [ __ ] you really are desperate if bullets won't hurt me what makes me take a sword [Music] with my [Music] arm this isn't over I didn't think that would work I guess he really doesn't like slash fix huh oh come on that was funny though I'm going to have to look into this more who or what the hell is that guy [Music] [Music] why is it for breeding

Channel: KrimsonRogue

Views: 125,515

Keywords: The Book Was Better, TBWB, Krimson Rogue, Big Blockbuster Bastardization, Troy, The Iliad, Review, Book, Movie, Adaptation (Literature Subject), Brad Pitt (Celebrity), Eric Bana (Celebrity), Peter O'Toole (Film Actor), Brian Cox (Film Actor), Sean Bean (Film Actor), Orlando Bloom (Celebrity), Comedy

Id: 85d3GvY24sk

Length: 34min 27sec (2067 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 22 2014