The Best Personal Statements Begin with These 2 Sentences (Oxbridge Examples)

yep you read that correctly just two simple but powerful sentences and none of them involved saying ever since i was a child seriously don't be that guy hey guys welcome back to the channel my name's shane i'm a recently qualified doctor neuroscience supervisor at cambridge and oxford university and you probably don't believe me two simple but powerful sentences just screams fake news right well let me show you these examples from students who've gotten into oxbridge and other top ranking medical schools using this exact strategy the video you're about to watch is a clip from a personal statement masterclass i'm developing over at skillshare and i'm working super hard to bring it to you as soon as possible it'll be available for free using a two month free trial the link for which you can find in the description box below and once you're at it you can also grab the free personal statement guide that i've released as well now the introduction is arguably the most important part of your personal statement it's the front-facing attention-grabbing segment so it makes perfect sense to put the best efforts into this after analyzing numerous personal statements i worked out that the best introductions have two main pillars within them the first is motivation and the second is engagement and these pillars should be used to do two important things within the introduction it almost creates a two-step process for writing your introduction step one involves setting the scene about the subject and step two involves setting the scene about you so let's begin with this step one and unpack it so what we mean when we say setting the scene about the subject is essentially talking about the main reason you want to do this subject and essentially defining why it's such an important subject that's worth your time and worth studying here's an example sentence pulled from an introduction that does this perfectly in medicine i see a purposeful and versatile vocation yet what i love most is its fusion of a scientific call with a philanthropic heart now this is a beautifully written sentence that clearly explains to the reader why medicine is such a great subject and it utilizes several pillars from our framework including passion with the use of words like love as well as demonstrating some consideration into what aspects of medicine is so great so as we can see here the introduction and often the first sentence dives straight into the main reason why someone wants to study it and that serves to set the scene about the subject and defines its importance now let's move on to step two and see what we actually mean when we say setting the scene about you essentially this is talking about the pillar of engagement the second part of your introduction should dive straight into something that you've done to engage with medicine here's an example of that volunteering on the lifeline express a hospital train in marina india first inspired me to study medicine now this is a great sentence because it shows their engagement with medicine straight away because it talks about their volunteering and also alludes to their motivation and their inspiration to study medicine here's another example of this last year my work experience at dao university hospital in karachi was one of the most interesting yet exhausting experiences of my life and although it was both emotionally and physically demanding it instilled in me a resolute desire to study and practice medicine now this is a fantastic sentence that shows engagement with medicine at its core because it's talking about the volunteering they've done but it also links it to some degree of projection where they've considered deeply whether medicine is right for them okay so this was raham's introduction a distressing fact of life is that most people remain somewhat unaware of their body until it malfunctions taking its intricate complexity for granted beat managing heart failure or a neurodegenerative condition a doctor's vocation is unique and constantly changing due to medical advances work experience has increased my appreciation of this demanding and fulfilling career and my desire to both be part of and hopefully further the advancement of such a dynamic profession and to have a beneficial impact on the community this introduction perfectly follows the structure we've met in previous lessons in that it sets the scene about the subject and talks about why it's such a great subject to study then it goes on to talk about engagement and the work experience is undertaken it clearly outlines both aspects of motivation talking about the academic interest as well as the personal opportunity he gets from studying it so this perfectly executes the motivation pillar this is a great example of an introduction and notice how he's used passionate words throughout so here's the introduction working with people from different disciplines in various health and social care settings has developed my interest in both the clinical and academic aspects of medicine being a keen scientist with an interesting people i look forward to the professional and personal satisfaction that a career in medicine can offer these sentences nicely follow the motivation engagement structure we've been suggesting for the introduction suzanne mentions clearly that he hopes to gain satisfaction from medicine which serves as his motivation and he also speaks about the academic interest in medicine which is another important part of the motivation pillar suzanne also introduces his work experience therefore talking about engagement and this sets him up quite nicely for the next part which is the work experience section of the main body this helps him flow very well from one section to the next and allows him to tell a nice story and allows his personal statement to be very coherent so here's the introduction volunteering on the lifeline express a hospital train in marina india first inspired me to study medicine the team on the train worked voluntarily in unfamiliar conditions the smile on the man's face when his perforated eardrum was repaired spoke a thousand words medicine will allow me to study the intricacies of the human body with the opportunity for problem solving in a caring compassionate environment the decision was reinforced through experiences gained in hospital placements and my voluntary work now this is a great demonstration of the introduction structure we've come across before that is to set the scene about the subject and talk about your motivations including your academic interest and the personal opportunity you hope to gain from studying medicine and he also talks about the engagement talking about things like work experience however a new thing that actually is used is something called the creation story that's essentially to talk about something that inspired you to actually pursue medicine often this is done very vaguely in an almost cliche manner and as a result people often advise to stay away from creation stories but what akshay has done is perfect he's taken a very specific example and explained why that made him so inspired to study medicine and at the same time this creation story allows him to talk about his volunteering and his engagement with medicine so not only is actually his creation story authentic and genuine but it also allows him to talk about his engagement with medicine and how he's gone out of his way to learn more about it this therefore is a brilliantly executed example of an introduction that utilizes several of the conventional things we've come across before but also uses a very powerful strategy of the creation story so here's the introduction an appetite for scientific knowledge hard work and altruistic outlook are essential characteristics of doctors and aspects of my character that have drawn me to study medicine i'm thrilled by the prospect of exploring the causes and treatment for diseases that affect individuals and the opportunities to contribute whenever possible to improving their quality of life now this introduction quite nicely talks about the motivations behind studying medicine discussing both the academic interests and the personal opportunity now if ori was sticking to the structure that we've met in previous lessons he should have gone on to talk about some work experience or some volunteering to show his engagement with medicine but instead ori has chosen to talk about his suitability and introduce some of his key qualities so actually this is a great example of a different style of structuring your introduction where you essentially set the scene about the subject and your motivations and then you go on to talk about the key qualities that you have that makes you ideal and suitable for medicine like we've said before ultimately the choice of how to structure things and how to word things is yours so feel free to change things around to whatever order that allows you to tell the best story so to summarize your introduction should heavily borrow from motivation and engagement the first part should set the scene about the subject and define why you want to study it and what's so great about it and the second section need to dive straight into engagement and talk about the steps that you've done to get involved with medicine now if you'd like full examples of past personal statements from students who've gone into oxford and other top ranking universities then definitely check out these videos thanks for watching that's it from me for today and i'll see you guys next time [Music]

Channel: Doctor Shaene

Views: 232,697

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Id: 4Dc-4_VaQrs

Length: 7min 59sec (479 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 17 2020