seriously, don't do these to your personal statement

hi all in today's video we're going to be talking about some common mistakes that people do when they write their personal statements statement of purpose slash motivational letter slash admission essay um I noticed this pattern of sort of common mistake that people do um after I review more than 10 of your essays so if you don't know since last year I have opened an essay review service if you are interested a little plug here just drop me an email um with where you're applying to what you're applying to um what review you need is it like personal statement is it you know purpose is it research proposal is it CV and I'll send you a quote but anyways um yeah these are some common mistakes and some examples along the way as well so that you can avoid them in your future essays okay there are five and the first one is being vague with your points or your word I saw this very very often people would just say like I want to do this degree because I am passionate about it but you don't explain why you're passionate or people saying like I want to do this degree because of the great faculty members but you don't specify like who exactly so whenever you write a sentence um I always challenge the sentence by asking is there another layer of detail or specification that I could add to the sentence because if it's too broad and too General your essay would not be distinguishable from other people's essay because everyone will be writing the same thing everyone will be saying like I'm passionate in economics and people cannot pinpoint that this is a you element so an example of this would be um there's this case when a math student mentions some books right in his essay and then said like these books Bridge a gap in my knowledge and I advised him to spell out exactly what is that Gap is it the mathematical models or is this or is it specific theories and in this case because a guy was also working in the finance industry um I advise what is it the specific learnings that you can get maybe the application of these math theories that you get in your job that uh you think that these books have informed you so don't be so General whenever you caught yourself writing something general ask yourself like okay what is another layer to this a lot of times there needs a lot of Reflections um because as humans I think we tend to just generalize like as a feeling we put them into this like monolithic model of like yes I'm passionate I like this but you have to specify um again otherwise it wouldn't be a unique or sort of like a you personal statement number two uh actually relates a little bit to the first one is don't drop names and journals and articles books whatsoever for the sake of it I saw this very often as well where people would just be like I read this by this professor and that made me interested in this field again it has to do this with a specification you don't want to just say like I've read this book and that book generally inspired me even if that is the case you want to pick a very specific element of that book a very specific take um go deeper and analyze is there specific angles that probably the book has not um you know explore that you think is very interesting and you want to explore more and usually people Drop Like These like books and author's name because the authors teach in that department or in the university and obviously you want to make sure that you know your stuff like you don't want to just say like hey I've read the book and that's it again everyone can do that but not everyone can do that deeper analysis um I think it's also a way for you to show that you are actually engaging with a scholarship with the field because if you're just saying like I read this book again anyone can say that they've read a book and so so why is it different for you that you want to pursue a degree um because you're inspired by the book right don't just um mention literature it's always good um but only when it is backed with actual point and specifying what you actually take or learn from this book or this journal article or this literature okay number three is sentences that are too long um I've also come across this quite a lot on social science students specifically interestingly um we tend to write a sentence that goes for like one paragraph and we don't even realize it and I think I do it sometimes as well so a good uh litmus test is look at how many full stops you have in that Center in that paragraph if it's like a four or five lines paragraph and you only have one or two full stops then try to break those sentences down a common mistake that kind of relates to this is that people like to sound smart and so they would use like complicated languages complicated structure but really um these admission officers I think go through like thousands of essays and you you want to make their life easy right you don't want to complicate them with vocabularies that you have to go through these hours to kind of look for like synonyms for and things like that just be plain in your language like you don't have to make this complicated just make it easy for them to read and that goes with breaking your sentences into small chunks instead of making like you know long paragraph ish sentences okay number four is negative tones I actually mentioned this is in my Cambridge personal statement video where you want to avoid sounding negative or sounding um like you're whining so if there's a particular angle to like a specific thing that okay in reality it is a negative thing but you just want to frame it slightly sort of more positive way so an example of this would be I was reviewing this girl's essay she was writing about how her professor was very strict and made a lot of students cry um yet she actually thrived in her in in his class and I actually recommended that hey maybe you can change like this part where you say like your professor made students cry to this where it sounds a little bit more positive right um it's the same thing but just taken from a different angle hey guys future Bianca here I'm editing a video and just thought that I want to give like a bit more context about this I realized I haven't explained it in a bit more detail um so the context um the essay prompt is actually to discuss a time when you face a difficult challenge or hurdle during your study and how you navigated through it and this girl was basically using that example of that Professor um being you know a bit like an accommodative and in teaching being strick and all and that sort of acted most of the students in her class but not her because like she actually ended up like learning a lot from this professor it's not just about changing the tone from like a negative tone to a positive one but it also shifts the focus back to you as the author and not like the professor like the lecturer himself so because like it is about you right it's not about the professor so you know uh it answers the question more directly as well rather than you saying like you know he's famous for making students cry so anyways um yeah that's a little context if you saw any negative notes in your sentences try to think of an angle where you could make it sound more positive and not just you whining about the problem but what have you sort of worked on to um turn the table and turn the situation I think that would add more substance and it shows that you care enough about this subject this issue that you were actually engaging with it with your proactiveness instead of just like about it finally your personal statement is not a laundry list of your achievements some people made a point to kind of mention every single thing that they've done sometimes it doesn't even relate to the degree that they're applying to so I know that a lot of you guys are really you know highly ambitious people you do a lot of things you go in competitions you do organizations you lead this you lead that you do internships you do whatever but there's no point in mentioning everything and anything if they don't relate to your whole story so the way you think about your personal statement is not your CV right if you want to list down those things do it in your CV don't do it in your personal statement your personal statement is a story so you gotta think of a broader storyline and instead of making your achievement and what you've done the outline of your story do it the other way around where you prepare a storyline this storyline will then have you know pockets of points whether it is to show that you care deeply about the issue that you've done something and so that's where you would introduce your experiences or achievements as supporting materials to the points that you're making so you know like the whole show don't tell I think it's also another common mistake but okay let's make that number six right a show don't tell is basically you don't want to just say like I'm passionate but you want to say like I'm passionate and see what I've done and that's where you want to include relevant achievements or relevant um experiences see why I emphasize relevant because if it's not relevant don't put it they can look at it in your CV so there you have it guys and hopefully by knowing this you could um if you don't go for my essay review service or anything you can also still look at your essay and try to pick apart whether you have the Tendencies to make it a laundry list or a tendency to just tell without showing or you have a tendency to write sentences that are too long and convoluted and not easily understandable or if you are using a negative tone or if you're being a bit vague with your words not like very clear and um sharp enough with your points what else yeah or you probably have dropped some names some professors names and authors and literature that you honestly actually don't really read or um you don't really have a point to make you just want to put it there then if you want to avoid that as well so I hope this is useful for you guys let me know what sort of content you want to see next and I'll see you in my next one [Music]

Channel: Viancqa

Views: 44,270

Keywords: cambridge essay, cambridge vlog, applying to cambridge, cambridge statement, personal statement, oxbridge, applying to oxford, applying to oxbridge, personal statement tips, writing personal statement, how to write personal statement, how to write statement of purpose, how to write essays, how to write research proposal, oxford essay, oxford personal statement, cambridge student, international student vlog, cambridge personal statement

Id: XHYm5gWl90s

Length: 10min 50sec (650 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 04 2022