The Art of Listening | Ajahn Brahm | 11-04-2014

as usually happens on a Friday night I try and give a talk about something which is topical in other words to try and show how some traditional Buddhist principles are used to solve the problems of modern life and last week I talked about that aircraft I should already thought about the election and I was really disappointed that we didn't have an Australian Buddhist party good often thought of China and I'm really an Australian Buddhist party because one of the first things we do we ban all taxes and instead we just have donation boxes and fundraising dinners and now we could would that be a wonderful way because that's how we survive we don't charge any taxes or gaining money from the government we survive and we do pretty well on fundraising dinners and cake stalls and stuff like that so if we can survive my kind of government survive imagine if they had to buy a new nuclear weapon by getting a cake store then have to really work hard then which AG does admire me to a plug for Wesley going the gala dinner which she's organizing to help some of my projects so she's always sitting out there by herself the lady in white looking miserable because he doesn't set any tickets yeah they're expensive but for such a wonderful thing what price is good karma you can't put a price on it so therefore please go and help about it so for my 63rd birthday no reason why is the 63rd birthday because that's my third time I've been 21 so that's auspicious you can always find something auspicious about anything but we didn't think of starting Australian and Buddhist party but we realized it wouldn't work because one of the first things would have to do because we're Buddhist is to ban alcohol in Australia and then we get no preferences at all from any party but no the topical thing I was going to talk about today was I was having to know us asked by some of the Buddhist organizations what do you think about this proposal you know to limit religious verification or something like that and make it against of the freedom of speech and sometimes we can argue in system try and find out you know about bad speech and criticizing a person on part of their religion or their race or their sexual orientation but I don't want to go into that instead I wanted just to give this whole idea a different angle instead of like know how to speak properly tonight's talk is how to listen wisely so that instead of verification by speech is letting vilification happen by listening in a long way because so often we put the the onus on the person giving the speech and talking so they don't offend anybody so they always say nice and kind things and you know how difficult that is you know I so I was given a palate on sexual harassment and most of the jokes which I sell can I could be go to jail for some of the jokes which I've said here would be behind but there's another thing which you do not just put the onus on the way you speak but also take some responsibility on the way you listen so tonight's speech is about right listening or listening with some wisdom and - don't just blame your wife a knack knack knack knack knack it's not hurtful if you're not listening properly so how do we this and properly now number one you've got two ears and the reason why we've got two ears is why one to go in one to go out so that's why if your husband says something nasty to you I mean the only reason you get upset is because you don't know how to listen wisely if it's something unpleasant let it go straight in why do you keep it in one ear out the other but if he says something nice to you put your hand over one ear quickly to keep it in there it's likewise listening we got a choice it's not just the speech which we have to hear it's how we listen you got like the dog next door you know who barks during the meditation you got the person over somewhere those that is snoring at the very end you got the mobile phones which go off now for years I've been trying to stop that and I believe 30 years now we haven't been able to stop that once as always something happens so instead of trying to control people's noise I instead learn how to listen with wisdom right listening and I think if we are going to have a law from our government we should have the law to prohibit vilifying listening to listening which harms people this thing which diminishes our opinion of another person because we don't listen with wisdom and with compassion now where this actually came from the core story the core Buddhist story of how we can listen with wisdom comes from an old story when I was a monk in Island now the old Thai culture you know was very down to earth and when they had a party not like these days a party the movie star eight o'clock you're finished by one these guys went on for three days and it's absolutely true once no they got tired they went to sleep when they woke up they started again so no three day continuous party now that was great fun for them but now our monitor is only about a kilometer kilometer and a half from the village so when they had a party we heard it now there was no electricity in those days but they had these petrol general petrol generators and huge loud speakers and amplifiers and terrible music so you know there was I in my heart tried to meditate and his blaring music was coming from the village and he couldn't meditate you could even go to sleep and they've usually finished about 2:00 a.m. in the morning and I had to get up at 3 o'clock only one hours sleep so all of the monks after the first night of this we're just so tired and so we thought look you have to know be live and let live why don't we ask you know the villagers can you please stop at one o'clock say give us two hours of sleep ok please not live and let live as I worked in my book sleep and let's sleep ok but the headman said no he would listen to us so then we decided to go and see our master ajahn Chah because he was really respect and people were afraid of him we realized if ajahn Chah told the villagers that give these monks a cup of our sleep they would have to but when we went to see our master we instead of now getting us of a remedy for our sleeplessness he gave us a remedy for something much much deeper because he told us his famous little one-liner which no was the best thing about being with a great master just one Linus he said monks it's not the noise that disturbs you you it's you who disturb the noise and that was such a powerful teaching it wasn't a noise disturbing us it was our reaction to the noise that was the problem and I remember telling that to one of the monks he's not here not this one but another mic his brother was visiting him and there was not enough space for him to stay at our monastery so ya ask no can he stay in the same room with me so as your brother you know can't see why not but I told him you know you know because he said that he grew up with his brother lived in the same room with his brother when he was growing up but I said that's not the same as when you're in your 50s he will snore and so will you is it an N is OK because I'm always right the first rule of our monastery the abbot is always right and when he's wrong go back to all number one and of course I was right you know as soon as his brother went to sleep first and started snoring and this monk of course he couldn't get to sleep once one person starts know how hard it is to snore you maybe stay with someone who starts snoring and I but he fortunately mugs have got they know we've got the goods on how to deal with problems so straight away he was sort of you know this great teaching of ajahn Chah it's not the noise that disturbs you it's me disturbing the snoring and what did he mean by that what he did he started to change his perception of the snoring he told me the next day he started to imagine that the snoring was like no some some like symphony by Beethoven or you know some sort of modern music you know which I can't understand been taken the great crescendo of the snore as the air was coming in and the woodwinds as it goes out and he could actually do this he played with his perceptions and sunan I took him a few minutes your imagination your private imagination is huge and he started perceiving this this snoring as this state of the art no cutting-edge modern music and then the next thing he knew he woke up in the morning having had this beautiful calm peaceful sleep because he just changed his perception over snore from something being irritating to something being beautiful that's how you know I look at the dogs when they bark you know sometimes say why that bloody dog is barking is always barks at the wrong time just was about to get enlightened and the dog barks if big dogs around when the Buddha was around they wouldn't go in line we wouldn't have anything but no that's not how you look at it now you can actually look no look at that and perceive the barking of a doggy and listen with compassion and wise wisdom that dog is just so happy barking never seen the dog bark they really enjoy it you know it's like you singing in the car you know you enjoy it please keep your windows down because no one else likes to hear it but you really enjoy it so the dogs having fun to have wonderful compassion the dogs enjoying itself well isn't that wonderful isn't that lovely I enjoy what other people are happy so the dogs really happy so I'm happy when I change the perception the whole sound is not imitating anymore it's beautiful it's lovely that's how we mean the sound doesn't disturb us is we disturb the sound and that gives us power over so we can actually listen with wisdom so if somebody vilifies me and says you lazy bludger ajahn Brahm you're a loser I say wow you are so correct because I am a loser I've lost all my money or my possessions and all my hair or my use I used to be very thin and good-looking I've lost that so I lost all these defilements that's what we're supposed to do was amount we're supposed to lose things so we can live very simply I've lost all my past and all my future all my problems I lost all my worries I'm a big loser so that way when somebody tries to offend me I just look in a different way which means you're not allowing the sound to disturb you you know you're not disturbing the sound that's all it is and if something really gets on at me and just says are you know those jokes you keep on telling every week same joke every week why can you think of another joke well our our our ever know so what I do I just listen to them and I don't disturb their sound oh poor things they really need to get this off their chest so please come and just say some more when you actually do that when you don't get offended of what they say it's amazing just how they calm down and become very peaceful and they say off was a time bomb you're so wise I never said anything I just sat here oh yeah but that's so wise you don't have to say very much to be wise these days you just need to not react so when you don't disturb the Sun like that people just can't vilify you they can't upset you they can't even issue simply because you know how to listen a lot of times that's our problem it's not what other people say is how we hear and if somebody is really ranting at you and shouting at you sometimes I wonder why do people do that anyway they only do that only shout at you and they scream at you and they curse you because they are in a terrible bad mood what they say says more about them than it ever says about you was the old saying goes so when somebody's really shouting criticizing me it's telling me a lot about how they feel or the poor person there must be in such a bad mood such a terrible thing must have happened to them today there must be so sick there must be so in pain poor thing come here when you give them a big hug after they called you all sorts of bad names because that is one of the core stories I wish I remember this is again not from Buddhism for Christianity probably heard this a couple of weeks ago but please it's not this old story disturbs you it's you disturb the old story but you know whether old story of the infant Franciscan tradition about the the monkey disciple of sin Francis who went out one morning on arms round they went on arms round suitors begging for food and he saw this really really really poor man who said why are you begging for me you know you got more than I've got which was true you know these were monks no friars in the note thirteenth century and this was know at least he stayed in a sort of a monastery this poor guy was living out on the streets had absolutely nothing was this wearing rags and look at me I'm wearing wax you're wearing a nice robe this myself my goodness you're right you've got more than you here I'll take my robe and so this monk gave the robe he was wearing to a poor man now that is really a good spiritual leader the problem was though that the mug that's all he had on and now a lot of you are saying what have you got underneath my robes I don't want to show you because you know I get arrested he's nothing underneath and so this mark went back to the monastery totally naked and as soon as he no went into the door then no they they said get out of here you know this is a monastery not a place for deviant no naked people like you you know we don't like weirdos in our monastery and he said no it's me I'm one of your marks yeah sure where's your robe and they started to recognize his voice in the realized was one of the months they took him in so what happened you did he get robbed did you get assaulted you've lost your robe he said no I just gave it away to a person more poor than I was and all the other banks in that monastery thought wow that is someone who actually practices what he preaches that's a real good monk our wonderful rupee now when I'm telling this story don't go asking for my robe after this you have still got more than I've got so they gave him another robe now the problem was they know the word gets around amongst a beggar community in others and the word went around that this monk was a bit soft in the head that's what they thought so the next day when he went on arms round with a new robe another person said oh I'm so poor look at me I've only got rags and so this man gave his robe away again you know the roads were quite expensive it was like a scam there was people use sometimes to get things to sell they weren't really poor but this might was so generous and they knew he was generous so they got his robe a second time and this time when he came in naked they knew he was okay come in we get you another row and they haven't a third time after happened a third time of course that was getting a bit too much so they gave him a new robe and he got summoned into the APIs office and the Abba so scolded him for over an hour saying look you're being taken advantage of great the first time that was beautiful but these people know that they know you give them your robe and then they not poor at all and they just these robes cost a lot of money and we only get a few donated by people you can expect our people to keep on giving those robes all the time you're being stupid I don't do that again it's good to be kind but you're being stupid you can't do that and this Abbot just really gave it to him for over an hour and all the time this monk was put his head down and listened he never tried once to justify himself and after the hour when the abbot thought he taught this young monk a lesson it's alright to be generous we have to be wise as well he let the man go Cordova now later that monk who been scolded was knocking on the Apple store with a cup of soup and it was ed what what you bringing me a couple suit for and this man said no sir you've been shouting at me for over an hour your voice must be hoarse this is to help your sauce rose and his fellow wasn't trying to be clever that's actually how he felt when he was being scolded he never thought one second about himself he thought that poor guy shouting at me must be a very sore throat by now and so he kind of cup of soup for you and after that moment the abbot totally gave up okay you can give whatever else you want away it's a waste of time scolding you you just you don't listen to the scolding or you listen to is just the pain in my voice what a beautiful lesson that was so please remember that if your wife she scold you when you come home because you're late you've forgotten the anniversary and I am mmm I'm out as soon as you stopped don't get her a cup of soup she must have a sore throat by now but the main thing is you're not thinking over yourself you're listening and seeing that person who is shouting you being so angry at you and try to upset you they must be hurting the reason they do that just why would anyone get angry at somebody else and shout them try and hurt them because they're hurting themselves that's the only reason why so when you have learn how to listen properly you know when somebody's vilifying you cursing you shouting at you you listen properly you just got compassion for that person if you have a boss that workers like that always shouting at you never praising you at all remember then that great story this was actually adapted from a a wise piece of advice by His Holiness the Dalai Lama you only have to put up with that boss for maybe four or five six hours a day five days a week and over the Easter you don't have any trouble with the boss but that boss has to live with himself or herself 24 hours a day seven days a week for all their life poor things if they've got a head like that of mind like that and not just criticizing you they'll be criticizing themselves and everything else about their life because as you look at others as how you look at yourself so the poor person to have to live with themselves like that oh you poor thing boss have a cup of soup now you understand a little bit about what wise listening is you don't just listen and be so selfish to think about yourself please think about the other person as well and don't take it so personally if it really was your fault if you really were that lazy work of a bad person you get criticized by everybody you don't some people love you and praise you and think you're just so wonderful it's only some people who criticize you and shout at you and call your blood or something whatever it is so it can't be true so never allow the opinions of others to define who you are people can say all sorts of things about Who I am but I don't listen I'm the only one who knows who I am or why I do things whether I done things wrong or light without being lazy or being diligent you don't know you can't know so how on earth can you judge me that's how you should think so whatever anybody says about you is what they're saying about themselves nothing about you there's only one person who knows who you are and that is you you know this is the great thing which I say there's always give yourself the benefit of the doubt the old story of the trees is not a straight tree in a forest there's not a good person perfectly good here but you're good enough that's a wonderful thing to know I am good enough so whatever anyone else says about me that's their problem nothing to do with me so that way I have a wise listening but now sometimes though I do or I don't accept criticism these days many of you know that you try and criticize me and tell me off but I don't pay any attention to it so it's a waste of time don't do it so waste time that's the other thing if you keep not paying attention to criticism then after a while people don't give it you anymore so when your wife keeps shouting you shouting you shout you just don't listen don't do anything then she will stop maybe of your husband but we do listen to praise now that's one of people's faults these days yes criticism we listen to that praise that's what goes in one ear and out the other there's absolutely ridiculous we are so unused to listening to compliments that when somebody gives it to us we think they're crazy what do they want what they try to sell us so we would reject compliments now this is one of again one of the key stories which I I learn from I learned is teaching from real life some years ago--that so in 2004 I think it was I was given an award by Curtin University the John Curtin medal and I was actually quite a big sort of compliment to me and it was what was it for us for vision community service and leadership now exemplified by the wartime Prime Minister of Australia John Curtin I thought they were crazy would you be in vision I have to wear glasses community service that's what you do when you get released from prison so copy any of those so much be for leadership I don't know why but anyway have this big ceremony over in Curtin University and the vice-chancellor giving you this big medal and you always have to give a speech so when I gave my speech for receiving the John Curtin medal of 2004 my speech was it's a great honor but I'm very surprised I never thought I would get a medal like this because I know there's many more people in the community who do much more work than I do and anyway I couldn't have done this without the help of all my friends and unsupportive people like you so thank you anyway but basically I don't deserve it that's what I say and then the next year I went to another medal ceremony by has actually Professor Joe Souki from Charlie Gardner's hospital and when I heard what he did and I was really inspired this guy you know if you don't know his story he was ahead of Hematology in Charlie Gardner's hospital and he had a lot of work with cancer patients realized that they were getting really good care with chemotherapy surgery radiation therapy but no real aftercare no one was really being kind to them get in there get your chemotherapy and out you go afterwards so he started this alternative therapy center which is apparently still there in Charlie Gardner's hospital where anyone who's got any treatment for cancer can go there for free and get a foot massage Reiki homeopathy anything weird you can get in that place it's not weird I just say that was joke because an eagle a lot of criticism from his peers you know you're supposed to be a scientists it's supposed to be a trained doctor why are you allowing this in your hospital and he said because it works you know don't know why it works when you have a foot massage but I know why work someone is caring for you for half an hour they're giving you some compassion for half an hour and that I know is so great therapy and of course now he was had to do the research to see know whether there was any improvement in the in the health of the people who went to the alternative therapy rather than the other and the results were incredible know that people got so much better you know their their radiation therapy was far more effective when they had Reiki afterwards whatever it was and that's why he was given this medal he put his reputation as a scientist as a top doctor on the line for his beliefs to help people with cancer and when I heard that I thought wow what a great man and then he went up to receive his medal and he said I don't know why you've given me this medal there's other people in the community who do more work than I've done and I couldn't have achieved it without the help of all my friends basically that's what he said I said that was my speech I gave that one last year and so does everyone else when you get some award and I went out from that after that ceremony from Professor Joe Souki thinking hang on why is it that I can't receive praise because a lot of very intelligent people did their research before they gave me my medal and before they gave other people people even Joss Keyes medal why is it he couldn't say what I knew that he damn well deserve that medal well done and from that moment on I realized that wise listening is receiving praise and never rejecting it if someone tells you thank you for helping out is so wonderful what you did they have decided you needed that and as I oh no no it's nothing he's just being offensive to that person saying that they are long but don't deserve it it's disrespect and it's also it destroys one of the most beautiful parts of human speech when we praise one another so from this time or that day or whenever what anyone said wow that's a very good speech I can't promise it yes it was and I don't know why people laugh when I receive praise so you do that as well when your boss says good work you say yes it was good work you are such a wise boss you appreciate my great because what is actually happening there you are starting to encourage praise in our world it praises rejected so much that people don't bother to give it anymore why tell people thank you so much for what you did no it was nothing I'm not going to give you praise anymore if that's how you deal with it criticism year.we oh yeah okay fair enough I did the wrong thing I'll try better next time but praise is how we we don't accept which is why they know one of the great ways of stopping verification and bad speech in this world is not by legislating it's by letting people start to celebrate in respect good speech and especially praise as well when was the last time you praise a prime minister of australia why are you laughing they're not all bad you can criticize it that's what you get you know it's your fault not theirs so you start praising and it actually works it's amazing what you get when you praise you know one of our monks you went to stay in a hospital somewhere and afterwards he sent a letter of thank-you to the Minister of Health in Western Australia thank you so much I really your nurses your doctors did a such a great job it was McGinty I think and he got a letter back by return of post a note handwritten not one of these things most done by his one of his goons in the office note the real letters written by him sobbing thank you so much it's so rare to receive some phrase like that it really works years ago one of my old stories we were building Bodeen jana monastery down at serpent her 30 years ago this was we had no money and so you know I had to sort of learn how to do all the building work and I would did the plumbing for the ablution block which is still there it still works 30 years hasn't brought once see I'm a really good plumber sort of is he I am she prays I receive the praise yes but I didn't know anything about plumbing so all I did and I don't mind this Galvin's plumbing service I went to the shop in husband part put the plans on the table and said help and one of these guys is going mmmm call Fred Fred look to the plans so now you do it this way in that way no just so simple with glue common-sense and so from his advice now we got there's a big order you know for a whole ablution block so no it's worth his while spending time with me and then I know I did it all myself and then he had to get it checked by the council health inspector and that was a big worry but it passed past first time and I was so happy and that was a day we got the bill and I got a check from the treasurer and I sent the check after Galvan's with the little note saying and thank you so much - Fred who really helped me you know finish off this job and I sent the check off now I I don't know much about these things I was a simple mark I thought it would just go to the know the shop and just get back straightaway but they have a special Accounts Department as a it's got many stores I think throughout Australia so it's a big business galavan's plumbing and so I certainly the check with this and the Accounts Department saw there was a note with the check there God another complaint because apparently the only time they get letters is for complaints and they they read it and it was actually a compliment so they took it to the head of their Accounts Department I got this later on they took it to Headley councillor parvenu read and say wow amazing a compliment they took it to the CEO of the whole company and the CEO read it and straightaway got on a telephone to Fred at Osborn Park branch now can I speak to Fred and so Fred oh god what's going on the CEO talking to me and this CEO just it just praised Fred thank you so much I just got a letter of compliment from one of your clients that is how we want to run our business customer service well done Fred no your this is what we really want then what salary oh are you on or it can always be a bit more I will see to that Fred from the CEO and I knew that because about an hour after that conversation I had to go into the shop no to a key to change apart and as soon as they saw me Fred's mate I think his boss said yes he said oh your wife's coming in because that was what he meant by someone who was kind to him and as soon as Fred saw me is absolutely true I will never forget this you know there was two plumbers in front of me in line for service now two really big guys know what plumbers are like really strong big guys with tats and everything else but Fred said Brown come over here I was served before these two big guys they were really upset but that's not my fault what are you hugging and that's what his fed tell me what had happened the CEO just called him an hour early and give him a big pay rise what do you want Brom and I got really big service and I said I need to change the pipes he'd come around the back so look there's a sign that not even the plumbers allowed by the back but you are coming and I had this part needed one bigger so he found it for me they said well what's the difference because it's much bigger part and he smiled at me he said Brown for you no difference and there's such a lovely afternoon not only did our Buddhist society save a lot of money we had this beautiful exchanges because I said the stupid little that wasn't a stupid head it was a really nice letter of praise so this is one of the reasons why I just praise each other for goodness sake and then there's no more vilification you know 30 people off we can praise each other and be kind to one another but I mean to get this is a beautiful photograph taking one I was in Indonesia was it in March you know just a bit over to about six weeks ago now there was this Muslim guy in Indonesia you know with the full turban and everything on you know you think it was a terrorist and of some of you guys but he came to listen to my talk you know we're talking together really lights my books and so we we've had our arms around each other he had this photograph a Buddhist monk and an Islamic cleric it's a beautiful photograph I saw it afterwards that I wasn't that something which we need to see in our world respecting and praising one another and if you do things like that it's no way they could have a bomb sort of bodhinyana monastery or dominocus center because I've got mates you know sort of know people that is the way to have no verification by going out of your way to make contacts to praise one another and get your good friends it's amazing just ok I'm going to tell this story there these are true stories you know sometimes you think I'll make them up the jokes I make up but these ones are true just where I sit over there one evening this Chinese guy came up and he wanted to speak to me a jumper and so yeah how can I help you absolutely said I am a member of the Chinese triads in Perth he said I got very scared because these guys mean business and he said but don't get worried you know I know that you really look after the Chinese community in Perth so I've been told by the boss to come and see you if you have any trouble just contact us we'll sort out not actually it's a little bit of kindness and praise just yeah you really have a great time in life so that's really true so be careful don't have any criticism to me make sure you put you get a ticket from leaf or the Garda dinner if you don't I can't I kept ins I don't think things like that who would ever do things like that but this is what we mean by like really nice speech and so when we have like my speech and right listening is that's what I was really getting into please when there is praised listen to it when it is things you don't like change a perception that person who's speaking to you there must be just having a really bad day there may be really upset your poor husband he's come home he's probably got done by the police no for speeding or something's gone wrong no your poor wife you know she must be sort of having a bit of a bad day but don't take it personally have some compassion and kindness when people say wanton things to you and that way you have light listening now you're actually looking for the good in person speech and the bad you're just letting disappear and if you just collect the good in life you know this is positive thinking remember no positives hearing as well look at snoring it's not a beautiful dog isn't that nice why have you start up now see so I'm praising the dog he becomes calm when you have ideas like that you're listening becomes so positive so kind some readers now says some nasty things here they just don't understand never mind now later on they will get better it says more about them never says anything about me but they're in a bad mood or that maybe they're not educated maybe they haven't really understood what's really going on there is no jump to a conclusion which is not really necessary that way that you are never troubled by other people's speech exactly I do you can always look at something anything in a beautiful way this is the whole message and if son his buddy they can't upset you there that means no one can control you but you're always accept praise because praise is the positive reinforcement of life you know they're actually saying something beautiful that is need to be celebrated and paid lots of attention to because it's a well-known psychological fact whatever you pay attention to whatever you you was acknowledged that is what grows in the world the old story watering flowers or watering weeds in the garden which one will growth the water love weeds weeds grow so if you pay too much attention to negativity you listen to the negativity and you don't sort of give it the benefit of the doubt or let it go so easily the negativity in your life will grow that's what I said no husband argues with your argue so if you react to it it will grow and get worse but if you react instead to the kindness the goodness the praise and you give a lot of praise as well may praise you say oh thank you yeah I deserve that I really did go out of my way to help this evening thank you so much yeah it's true I really deserve that then you actually encouraging the flowers in life you're making the life of a very beautiful place and you will find that your politicians will start to behave in a much more beautiful way when you praise their beauty when you listen beautifully so it's not a case of just you know thinking of these politicians in Parliament look at the way they speak to each other it's not the way they speak to each other which is a problem it's the way they listen to each other just like in life beautiful Oh that'd be there becomes wise listening and thank you so much for listening you did a great job today do you deserve that very good thank you okay now let's add some questions comments or completely I don't think anyone would desert have a complaint after talk like that but then we will see what's going on from overseas here we go see who's the first question over here let's see okay very good the first question is from what is it the head of the Taliban in Afghanistan wonderful talk algebra would it be wonderful it's from California okay here we go as a young woman with symptoms of schizophrenia and bipolar tendencies I find myself vilify myself constantly the feeling I cannot stand it any longer terrifies me I do not know how to address this if the problem is in the mind itself no there is no such a person who has schizophrenia there not a schizophrenic there a person who has episodes of schizophrenia are there is no I get into trouble for this but I went into standby this there's no such person who's bipolar you have times when you exhibit what's called bipolar behavior but you are not bipolar you're not schizophrenic this more to you than that and this is the amazing thing I I didn't knew this a long time ago and when I found his professor of schizophrenia in Singapore I had precisely the same view and I asked him how do you treat schizophrenia in Singapore he said I don't treat schizophrenia in Singapore I treat the other part of the patient which is not schizophrenic and I was just so impressed is almost my life telling that story because that is going to help so much we don't keep calling a person you know you're psychotic there's no such thing as a psychotic person's a person who sometimes has psychotic behavior episodes so when you see the other part of you from California you're a young woman brilliant stop there and there's a huge amount to you the schizophrenia and bipolar tense is a tiny part of you don't over emphasize it so I keep on saying I said this before and I say this to you all now how big is the hand my hand is so big I can't see anything in the whole world other than my hand I put it where it belongs at the end of my arm the hand hasn't diminished in size at all but now I can see so much more it's just a perspective issue so you're schizophrenic episodes or bipolar episodes don't hold them straight up to you so that's all you can see the young woman from California there's so much more of you than that you start recognizing the other part of you the beautiful part of you and then it doesn't terrify you anymore you realize is so much more to you and there is I'm not just saying this to build you up it is truth and that means you're not terrified anymore and you start paying attention to the times when there is no schizophrenia in your my in your in your mind there is no sort of bipolar in your mind pay attention to those times and they will grow you are watering the flowers that last and that's what that professor schizophrenia told me in Singapore what was all see we got by this treatment so much better than conventional therapies by watering the flowers not just focusing so much on the weeds try that in California it's powerful but it works and now in Japan to be able to realize that Dhamma when listening to a discourse by the budet you need to have perfect stillness of mind or does it just happen by itself yes yes you need stillness of mine and it happens by itself it's not an or okay because this is a deep petition nothing to do with what I've been has actually something to do with what I've been talking about this evening learning how to listen properly instead of talking because a lot of times we're very good at talking but how many people really know how to listen without vilifying without criticizing to be able to listen to your body without telling it off stupid body you ate why are you a 'king don't do it again be kind to your body listen to it with kindness not with negativity listen to your mind with kindness not with negativity stupid mind can't stay in the present moment always thinking about the past always thinking about the future I can't stop thinking now I wanna tell your mind on mind thank you for thinking we're so wonderful you go into the present moment again you are really cut if you like that with your mind then your mind likes to stay with you who likes to stay with someone who's always telling you off if you've got a boss from hell do you invite them home for the Easter break if you tell your boss all where you go come with me no one does that if you've got a really kind boss of course you like to hang out with them anyone who is kind to you you'd like to spend time with if you are kind to your mind your mind likes to hang out with you it doesn't wander off anymore for those of you meditating the only reason you can't stay still is because your mind is terrified of you oh not her again Jesus he just gives me such a hell when I don't but of course it runs away from you so if you want to be still then you have to be kind be kind to your mind treat it as a friend treat the pains in your body as a friend treat the stupidity inside of you as a friend from California treat your schizophrenia as a friend notice I want to terrifies you and if you do that it's amazing just how the mic is raised it's very still and this is actually how you understanding what listening to a discourse by the Dhamma how do you actually realize the Dhamma you realizing it it is not a thing that a lightbulb comes up and then you sort of oh now I know everything about the Dumber about Buddhism if I can go and teach everybody and more thoughts or more words no it's learning how to be at peace how to be still how to be content how to have peace of mind this peace of mind of thoughts peace of mind is what happens when the thinking stops when you learn how to listen instead of speaking we all know how to speak but how many of us know how to listen and I taught you today how to listen and then you know how to realize peace of mind the dog barks peace of mind the husband goes our peace of mind that's how we get peace of mind it's not the noise disturbs us it's we who disturb the noise or as a Buddha says the world I the world argues with me but I don't argue with the world that is realizing the dumb okay that's just a bit of extra there so anyone got any questions from the floor about verifying listening yes go on okay these are schoolteacher so get in trouble now the real question is - yeah see presentism it was quite a constructive criticism we know most criticism is probably the opposite is destructive most of it is yeah we don't never call it destructive criticism they're doing but praise is always constructive praise is very very destructive which is no again this is no psychology with children you know if the positive reinforcement for children in does many many times it's just so difficult to do in a school with no it just takes too many resources too hard to do if you give up children a task and you punish them if they do something wrong you scold and tell them off all you do the other way every time they make a mistake you just ignore it but when they do it right you give them a prize you praise them they always learn much faster through positive reinforcement such a hard thing to do but it works that's why we have prizes at schools and now sometimes it's how we shouldn't give prizes at school of course you'd give prizes a school but give prize to everybody somewhere other that's why you know did the thing about the guy who comes bottom of the class they get the Bodhisattva prize for being the most humble in the whole school and the one with the least ego yeah I agree I just I do I do feel there sometimes if somebody is doing something wrong and you have to actually tell them that especially with the thinking other people you have to let them know and you can't really you can't always give praise all the time yes he can but it's great if when they don't do anything wrong if you can praise them for that I agree and then that really sort of gives them a big purse they don't do anything wrong anymore basically so it's praising rather than blaming all the time is really good if we can possibly do it you know there are some kids in school no matter how many you criticize them how much you blame them and they still misbehave and then you ask why still remember kid no so my best friends I grew up with he became a school teacher in Wandsworth Wandsworth comprehensive school I was really the bottom of the pile next to Brixton know one of the worst places in London really rough kids then he know the morning class one of the kids are 13 or 14 year olds came into the class and spat at the teacher he went on the floor mr. teacher and my friend said clean that up and the kid said f off straightaway so went straight to the principal and they half an hour later the principal an hour later principal came around with his arm around the kid do you realized that last night his father beat up his mother so badly she's in hospital and the father's in jail so geez I didn't know that I've but when as you find out why kids misbehave that kid I just know his mother who the only person who cared for him and protect him and loved him was beaten to a pulp the night before his father was imprisoned so sometimes when you get the wife kids do this sometimes you realize this criticising there was not going to help but it's hard to do that and he don't have the resources to try now was anyways that was an anecdote which you know really made me sick so over here thank you I just like to pick up on that and come about teaching the law school that I was teaching in which was in Thailand that the principal had a policy of going around the classes and he would go up to the teacher and say which kid is doing a really good thing today oh yeah I would say well this kids done something and he would give them you know America and praised them and that was a really really positive way of yeah like getting motivating the students it does yeah it's great you can actually do that havior it's brilliant yeah so you don't just give us also don't give the the prize for the kid who comes top in mass you know give a kids the one who's trying the best most improvement prize and things like that are very brilliant to have well the kid is a kindest in class so I agree with that but also when you do praise the kids please tell the kids to receive it because that's one of our problems any praise we just throw it away and so after while we just don't praise anymore so there's a brilliant question thank you knows a really great question from you too okay so there's the video shop tonight and pay your space to put a double dose anger and then we can go do what we need to do

Channel: Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Views: 46,264

Rating: 4.8345866 out of 5

Keywords: listening

Id: Sylr4u_stxY

Length: 57min 25sec (3445 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 15 2014