The Andy Kaufman special

now now hello this is my special and this for 90 minutes ABC told me that I could have a special and so you know they give me $100,000 and they say you can do whatever you want with this money so I was supposed to you know hire writers and uh guests but uh I was so lazy and so uh you know I did not do it so I went on vacation with the money and now I have nothing left but just for this one camera and this chair you know so there is no special just me I have no no material no gas nothing right so we will just sit here like this for for 90 minutes they they think I am fooling it's like a joke no no it's not a joke you think I am fooling but in half an hour you see I will be sitting here and you'll say oh is not a joke you know now that we have lost the audience and now only my friends are watching I would like to show my special oh look oh look at this oh it's very beautiful these beautiful girls are dancing and now oh it's wonderful look at this oh now the they are going to one side and now this man in the baggy pants he's coming out and he's singing funny voice you know he has funny voice and Now ladies and gentlemen it's time for Andy's fun house starring Andy Kaufman with Andy's guests Cindy Williams little Wendy Gail slatkin the Beast Street Conga band and chubby Rosalie with special guests howdy Duty and also cartoons games fun and many other surprises and now here he is Andy cofman thank you very much thank you very much I am very happy to be here tonight but you know it's one thing I don't like about Los Angeles is too much traffic you know tonight I had to come from Santi Monica it was I was on the freeway and you know it was so much traffic it took me an hour and a half to get here but talking about the Terrible Things my wife take my wife please take her no really I am only fooling I I love my wife very much but H she don't know how to cook you know one night she make me steak a mashed potato and the night before she make spaghetti and meatballs her cooking is so bad is terrible but but you know I I would like to to tell you the story of the three people who was carrying the biggest cannon in the world to spend it it was was a two boys and one girl and they had this big cannon you know it it was 50 ft long and they Carri it over the mountains and under the valleys and one day one day they get to the top of the highest mountain in Spain so the first boy he point this cannon to this Castle you know to shoot you know because you know because he was the boss you know so he he want to point it and he turned to the second boy and he say all right hand me the cannon ball and you know about the second boy he say I thought you had them so wait wait wait so listen listen wait wait wait wait wait so so so they both a the both turn to the girl and she say don't look at me you know you know because they forgot to bring the canon ball you know they have the Canon but they have no canon ball they could not shoot do you understand thank you very much right now I would like to do for you some imitations so first I would like to imitate Arie bunker you stupid everybody so stupid you mad get out of my chair you D go in the kitchen make me the food everybody so stupid I don't like nobody so stupid stupid thank you very much now and now I would like to imitate Ed salivan no no no no wait until I give you the punch now I have to start all over again lose my place you know I am very happy to be here tonight but one thing I don't like is too much traffic you know tonight it was so much traffic it took me an hour and a half to get here but my wife she don't know how to cook her cooking is so bad is terrible but right now I would like to imitate Ed salvan ladies and gentlemen tonight and the big stage we have the really big show so come to see the really big show thank you very much thank you very much and and now last but not to be the least I would like to imitate for you the Elvis Presley w thank you very much you can all just stare at me while I catch my breath this is uh Gatorade they told me backstage it works 10 times faster than water so if I run off stage in middle of the show don't worry I'll be right back all right iow to uh do one of my biggest records for you of course all them the same size one of the first songs I ever recorded back in 19 27 I think it was I went something like this oh hold it something wrong on my lip I think I'll take this thing off move around a little more 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 going make youe to me right I don't you ever kissing me once me tce if a on free you you ask me to if you don't be on you really hold I loveing Dre I he thank you very much ladies and gentlemen so far everything I've ever done for you really am only fooling this is really me and we'll be right back after this oh you off the air you off the air okay could I please have my clothes back give me my clothes back okay come on jacket lady don't be a wise man come on okay thanks what do you what do you got here this is the water wi oh okay what are you giving me here this is this is tap water why you giving me spring water why don't you give me Spring Water I ask water okay I didn't mean tap water I meant spring water it's a network show you think you get it together huh okay okay fine you know what I'm talking about pal we have to take huh okay we have to take it Mr Kaufman Andy Andy we have to take it you call me Mr caufman okay Mr Coffman you're just a stage hand you understand that get it through your head okay your name is Mr c not Andy okay fine don't give me a hard time pal you the stage hand okay back and uh thank you thank you okay thank you thank you okay uh we're back on Andy's Funhouse and right now let's come over to the piano okay okay we're going to sing a little song right now oh the cow goes moo and the dog goes whoop and the cat goes the bird goes twe and the Pig goes oink and the lion goes and that's the way it goes hey I've got an idea let's let's all sing the song together okay now this time I'll sing the name of the animal and you sing what the animal says okay okay every time I say okay everybody say okay very good okay now okay now okay okay now this is what we'll do when we get to the lion everybody sayar real real loud okay okay and we'll let's try it one two three oh you can do better than that come on let's try it again one two three very good and now we'll all sing and that's the way it goes okay okay hey oh the cow goes and the dog goes and the cat goes and the bird goes and the Pig goes and the lion goes and that's the way it goes okay now okay when for those of you who are joining us who who have been with us before this is just a reminder but for those of you who are joining us for the first time later on in the show we're going to have a midnight snack so this is what you're going to need later on if you want to join us and eat with us okay okay now make sure you have these things in your refrigerator we're going to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and we're going to have chocolate milk made of course with choco Marsh it's choco marvelous and we're going to have ice cream okay my first guest is a fine actress uh she was in travels with my aunt which was directed by George ker she was in she was in drive he said directed by Jack Nicholson she co-starred in the conversation which was directed by Francis Ford Copa her appearance in American Graffiti which was directed by George Lucas who also did Star Wars won her and a nomination for the British Academy Award she's a member of the actor Studio let's have a big big hand for Cindy lever and Shirley Williams well hi Cindy well hi Andy how are you well I'm just fine thank you how are you I'm fine good good thank you for coming well thank you for having me okay I okay I understand that uh you just were on a trip to Russia yes yes I was I went to Russia I went to all of Eastern Europe to Poland uh to Finland to Norway to um Sweden uh well that's I guess not Eastern Europe but anyway to Russia I was there in Leningrad yes uhhuh and did you see was it interesting yes it was very interesting it was uh well it was just like what you imagine it to be sort of well only I guess you should go there because you know how people think you know that communist countries are in their mind and you should go to a country like that to see if it's if it's true if the Visions in your mind are actually what is in that country like for instance I didn't think that there were stoplights in Russia and there are stop lights in Russia well did you did you get to see any of the any other countries besides Russia well I went to Poland and and I did go to Norway way and Finland yeah and um let's see uh Bergen uh I went to well Finland is very pretty yeah yeah it's like San Francisco only without the hills and uh a a funny thing about Finland is that uh Finland well Finland was at the end of our trip and so Finland was um well you know do do you have anything on your schedule now that you're back now that I'm back yeah working uhhuh well I'm working I'm doing the show and um which show Le and Shirley Le and Shirley yeah um and which one are you on the ver show um now you work with Penny Marshall every week yes yeah yes I do have you uh gotten to know her yes I know Penny very well well because I work with her yeah all the time what's it like to work with her every week it's terrific we have a great time we have a lot of fun and I think that's probably the reason the show is such a big must be a lot of fun do you really know her do you really know her well well I I work with her every week so I guess I know her really well yeah I do is she a lot of fun to be with yes she's a lot of fun she she has a great wit and she's she's very charming and she she's a whole bunch of fun yeah does she have any hobbies she um yes she does she does she likes to put puzzles together and do and do crossword puzzles yeah uhhuh and does she really wear initials on her dress you know like the Big L you mean in real life did she do that yeah like no because her name's Penny uhuh did she did she now I heard she was um a riot on the set she must be a real riot on the set is that true yeah well laugh a minute well yes the set's a lot of fun and Penny's a riot uh-huh yeah it shows a lot of fun and um Penny's a whole bunch of fun do you have any hobbies no do you have any do you have any diseases have you have you ever been under the care of a psychiatrist well I a long time ago but it wasn't actually a psychiatrist it was an analyst and I supposed everybody knows this I mean it's probably what did you tell him I don't I don't remember it was actually so long ago and I think I'm really cured now did you have you ever been to Russia I was I was in Russia recently yeah did did you get to see any other countries besides Russia I I saw Poland and um I saw Norway and I saw Finland what was it like in Finland Finland Finland is just like San Francisco only without the hills and a funny thing about Finland was see we were on I understand that I understand that you're going to make your singing debut with us tonight no no I didn't rehearse with the band remember we weren't going to do that oh okay well why don't you go sing this song Dan yeah what are you going to sing for us well I was going to sing Mac the knife but I I haven't rehearsed with the band that's okay so let's we have a good okay let's have a oh the shark bite has such tee dear and he shows them pearly white just that jack knife has old ma bab and he keeps it at a sight on the on the sidewalk on the sidewalk on the sidew riv a body just losing life someone someone sneaking some someone sneaking around that corner that be chili kadaba come on chili kadaba chili kadaba ho ho ho look out Miss and oh Lucy Brown oh the line on the right bab now that maie back in look at old mackie's back yeah okay okay okay would would you all like to see a movie now okay Mr okay Mr Mr movie Man roll them now that's my brother and that's me okay now that's my mother and my little sister okay we were very that was when we were a little and there we are she see my mother's making my sister wave at the camera we're all waving at the camera now and see my sister was just born about a year before that and there she is she was she was the everyone loved her you know she was just born you know so everybody was really making a fuss over her there we are pushing her in the little swing she really didn't know what was going on she was just she was so little and there's Margaret Margaret worked with us for since we were infants and she raised all of us up till we were teens and there she is feeding my sister see and there's my sister eating see see her eat see there she is eating see okay she's just eating okay again she's eating there's Margaret there's my sister and that's it what will you have sir um I'll have a turkey sandwich and what will you have sir I'll have spaghetti and meatballs what will you have ma'am I want some vegetable soup and wheat toast and what will you have sir I'll have a cup of coffee e it's a world of Hope and a world of fears it's a world of laughter a world of Tears there's so much that we share that it's time we're aware it's a small world after all there is just one Moon and one golden sun and a smile means friendship to him everyone oh the mountains are wide and the oceans divide It's a Small World After All 2 it's a world of a world of Tears a world of Hope and a world of fears there's so much that we share that it's time we're aware it's a small world after all well did we all like that did you all like that yeah okay very good well right now we're going to have our midnight snack so make sure you have these things in your kitchen and let's get it in front of us and let join us at home okay okay okay now let's see what do we have tonight to eat well we have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich everybody say peanut butter and jelly sandwich peanut butter jelly sandwich very good and we have chocolate milk everybody say chocolate milk chocolate milk very good and what are we going to make with our chocolate milk CH Mar that's right choco Marsh you know Uncle Andy's choco Marsh you know choco Marsh is choco marvelous and it's very simple to make all you need is four things you need the milk the spoon the glass and last but not least the choco Marsh now this is what you do you put the choco Marsh into the glass okay and you put the milk into the glass okay okay and then we stir and then what do we do with the spoon very good we lick the spoon and now we drink and now we eat M wait a minute and now what do we have for dessert ice cream everybody say m can we can we stop tape please stopping tape oh oh what's wrong do you have an ant acid tber he's sick again oh my Elsa only face me I'm going to have to unbuckle the belt what when are we going to be finished here I got to go home I want to go home how much do we have to do why do I have to drink this stuff every week why don't we get a why do we have to get this for a sponsor why don't we have a toast or oatmeal what is this that's going to make you feel better yeah water what is it that's Selzer we're gonna take it soon yeah hey hey this is good stuff what is this stuff just Seltzer yeah this is wonderful I I really like this stuff hey I feel great I why don't we have them for a sponsor I'd be happy to have my picture on his product we we call it Andy Sela Andy Sela every I hey all right uh yeah I feel much better yeah I feel much better sure what do we have next we have to do chubby Rosal again you got to be kidding me we're going to bring that fat tub out again she could hear you she's in the wings she could hear you we take it oh hey chub how you doing chub get a little of the puss on that H get a little you ready to take it hey chub how you do chub hey all right you think you can come out you think you can make it CH you got the energy where you get the okay okay now ladies and gentlemen here's my next guest and a lot of you have been waiting for her and oh sit down I promise you'll be able to see come on come on okay in the back please sit down you'll be able to see from there I promise okay some of you have been really waiting a long time okay okay um okay ladies and gentlemen it is my pleasure to present chubby rosaly what is this I don't understand what is this is broken the TV the TV is broken I don't know what to do oh now it's time for the hasb been Corner okay on this week's hasb been Corner we have Gail slabodkin now Gail was in The Sound of Music at the age of 10 and she was a great big hit and a lot of people thought that she was going to be a great big star from it she appeared in several movies after that but none of them quite made it and uh her career kind of fizzled into Oblivion she did a few other things in the meantime and recently she went to medical school and she has just quit medical school so she could make a comeback in Show Business and we're going to give her an opportunity to make that comeback tonight so let's welcome to this week's hasb Corner Gail sladkin well G that was just wonderful thank you okay what was it what was it like when you first realized that you weren't going to make it in show business and you know how did you feel when you first realized this well it was a gradual process I it just happened uh gradually and uh I wasn't really aware of it yeah how does it feel to be a hasb been I'm sorry Mr Koffman I never considered myself a hasband um if you're not if you're not a husband though how come you went to medical school I just had this calling I thought I wanted to help Mankind and I thought the best way possible was uh to go into medicine and how come you quit medical school did you want to you wanted the spotlight back on you and you wanted all the fuss made well I just decided that where I really belonged was in front of the lights uhhuh yeah well that's great I hope that you make it thank you I really do uh personally I don't think you will no I'm no no no no no I'm no no no no no okay okay um but but uh anyway I understand you're going to you have another song for us well I have the song that we did in the show okay what is it called it's called The Lonely goat herd okay here she is Gail slabodkin y hiana here Liv a lonely gold Lady Lady Lady loud was the voice of the Lonely gold Lady Lady folks in town remot lady old lady lady ly and from the go lady old lady one little girl in a pale pink gold lady old lady old lady she y back to that lonely gold lady old lady old her M withing Lady Lady Lady what for a girl and Lady Lady lady old lady lady foring my next guest was one of the first television personalities ever on television his show was on from 1947 to 1960 and for me he was the first star that I was ever aware of in my whole life ladies and gentlemen it is my honor and privilege to present the original yes the original howdy Duty hi howdy H well hi Andy how are you oh boy I'm I'm fine and how about you I'm fine thank you wow thanks for coming on my show oh well thank you for having me on your show Andy Boy it it it sure feels great to be here well it's great having you you know howdy I was watching you ever since I was a real little boy I used to every day go into the on before the television and I'd sit down and turn on your show at 5:30 every day and I just thought it was great oh gosh well thank you Andy you know you're even older than me your show came on in 1947 and I was born a few years after that so that means I was watching you since the time I could just first perceive images or sounds before I ever even knew what a television set was I was watching you so like you're the first friend from television I ever had probably the closest I think and uh I always wanted to meet you and now I finally am well Andy I I'm I'm glad to meet you too you know I was once in I was once in your peanut gallery when I was 5 years old you know and I was just sitting there and I was kind of depressed because I could see what everyone was like when they weren't on camera and I could see the man who was working your strings and I must say even though I could you know even though I could I could see your strings and everything to me you're just as real as anyone else is on this show and you're I feel like I'm really talking to a real person but anyway one thing I wanted to do that day and I they wouldn't let us cuz there was there was too many kids and um I just always wanted to do this and I just wondering if I maybe could and that was to touch you do you think maybe I could touch you what sure Andy go ahead you can touch me okay wow you know another thing that I always wanted to do was I always wanted to shake your hand do you think maybe I could shake your hand oh sure Andy okay you know this is just like a fantasy fulfilled for me cuz I always used to wanted to be on your show and and I always I always used to want to be on your show and I thought that your show you know in dudeville that's where your show was and um I thought dudeville was inside of the television you know like the television was this box and if I went inside the box that was a television I'd be in dville and I always wanted to be on your show now here it is about I guess 20 years later and I have my own show and you're on my show that's right Andy I also well your show went off in 1960 right and that was s about 17 years ago what have you been doing all these years they keep me in a box see really now when the show went off in 1960 they just stored me in a box well that's terrible oh and no it it's okay you see it's a regular box and I'm folded a certain way and I just stay in the Box the only thing you see when I'm in the Box well I I I I look like this but yeah but howdy isn't it boring oh yeah sure it's kind of boring cuz well there was nothing for me to do for all those years and and that's why I really enjoyed being on your show tonight well being in front of the lights and and seeing all the boys and girls again it's oh boy it's it's really wonderful well it's really wonderful to see you again too you know that I just always wanted to do this you know and I always wanted to meet you and I just have so much that I'd like to tell you and I wish we could talk more but well I just want you to know that I love you and this is really something for me so is there anything that you'd like to say to all the boys and girls well I just want them to know that well even though they're all grown up now they should never forget all those things we hope they learned on our show you know things like oh they should always brush their teeth and and eat the proper foods and and listen to their moms and dads and and be nice to people oh and you know those aren't just for kids but also for their grown-ups too and no matter how old I get please remember that well Andy I I'll always be thinking of them and and there'll always be a a place for them in in my heart and okay and I just want to say until we meet again please remember in this friend ly friendly world with each day so full of joy why should any heart be lonely in this friendly friendly world with each night so full of Dreams why should good any heart be afraid yep it's a friendly world you know we should all treat each other like brothers and sisters so everybody turn to the person sitting next to you and say hi brother hi sister very good very good and now and now okay and now everybody put your arm around the person sitting next to you and sway back and forth in rhythm to the music okay come on everybody even come on you at home come on even if you don't like the person sitting next to you okay come on and now everybody sing the world is such a wonderful place the world is such a wonderful place to W through to through come on you at home follow the bouncing ball got someone you love to wander along with you w along with you with a sky so full of stars with the so full of stars and the river full of song and the river so full of song every heart should be so thankful every heart should be so thankful thankful for this friendly friendly World thankful for this friendly friendly World okay you want to sing it again okay one more time come on everybody oh come on I don't hear everybody oh okay we won't stop until everybody sings Come on thankful for this friendly friendly world thank you very much and good night thank you also appearing with Andy tonight Bob smuda as the stage manager Mel Sher Marilyn Ruben and George Shapiro in the lunchonette w

Channel: kidofallkids

Views: 259,335

Keywords:

Id: lWT6UuJ-5kk

Length: 50min 36sec (3036 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 14 2016