GREAT NEWS, EVERYBODY! THIS YEAR FOR ONCE,
I DON'T HAVE TO WORK
ON THANKSGIVING. ( family cheers ) - SO WE CAN ALL BE TOGETHER!
- ( cheering ) AND I CAN COOK
THANKSGIVING DINNER. - Teddy: ALL RIGHT.
- Bob: ( weakly ) YAY. OKAY, WHAT HAPPENED THERE? HONEY, COME ON,
IT'S JUST THAT COOKING THANKSGIVING DINNER
IS A LOT OF WORK. YEAH, ARE YOU SURE
WE SHOULDN'T JUST
EAT OUT? I MEAN, FOR YOUR SAKE. NO WAY. EVERY THANKSGIVING I HAVE
TO EAT TURKEY SANDWICHES OUT OF THE HOSPITAL
VENDING MACHINE AND YOU GUYS HAVE TO GO
TO THE OLD TIME BUFFET. THIS YEAR WE'RE
GONNA BE TOGETHER, AND I AM GONNA COOK. OLD TIME BUFFET OFFERS
QUALITY AND VALUE. YEAH, AND THEIR
CHICKEN FINGERS, MWAH! RIGHT? WE ARE HAVING DINNER HERE
AND THAT IS FINAL. ALL RIGHT, OKAY. ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW,
I HAVE A THANKSGIVING
ANNOUNCEMENT. THIS YEAR WE ARE
GOING TO BE JOINED
BY GRANDPA. ( cheering ) GRANDPA DUNCAN. YEAH. HURTS, DOESN'T IT? ( sighs )
OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS. - MY DAD HAS SOME
GOOD QUALITIES.
- SUCH AS? YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE EXHALES CARBON DIOXIDE,
WHICH IS NEEDED BY PLANTS. ALL RIGHT, WELL,
WE'VE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS. MOM'S COOKING
THANKSGIVING DINNER. OH, NO NO NO NO NO. THE BEST CHEF
IN THE HOUSE-- P.J. IS COOKING
THANKSGIVING DINNER. I AM?
SHE'S NEVER GONNA LET ME. THAT'S WHY YOU
HAVE TO TRICK HER. GIVE HER THE ILLUSION
THAT SHE'S COOKING,
WHEN IN REALITY, YOU'RE THE ONE DOING
ALL THE WORK. GOT IT, GOT IT.
JUST ONE QUESTION. WHAT DOES ILLUSION MEAN? THREE WORDS-- COOK THANKSGIVING DINNER. RIGHT NOW? RELAX, DAD.
JUST MESSING WITH YOU. OH, BY THE WAY,
THANKSGIVING-- TWO WORDS. <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>( rock music playing )</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ RUNNING LATE
AND DAD JOKES ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ "HAS ANYBODY
SEEN MY LEFT SHOE?" ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ I CLOSE MY EYES,
TAKE A BITE ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ GRAB A RIDE,
LAUGH OUT LOUD ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ THERE IT IS
UP ON THE ROOF ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ I'VE BEEN THERE,
I SURVIVED ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ SO JUST TAKE
MY ADVICE ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY,
THINGS ARE CRAZY ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ BUT I KNOW
YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ THERE'S NO MAYBE ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ EVERYTHING
TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ SURE LIFE
IS UP AND DOWN ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ BUT TRUST ME,
IT COMES BACK AROUND ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE ♪</i></font> <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY. ♪</i></font> WHAT YOU DRAWING THERE,
CHARLIE? A TURKEY. - ARE YOU SURE?
- YEAH. IT LOOKS A BIT MORE
LIKE MASHED POTATOES. LOOK, BIG THANKSGIVING SALE
AT THE GIZMO HUT. THEY'RE SELLING MYTABS
FOR $49? THAT'S AWESOME! I KNOW! BUT WE HAVE
TO GET IN LINE EARLY BECAUSE THEY'LL ONLY HAVE
10 OF THESE AT THAT PRICE. SO WE HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE
ON THANKSGIVING DAY? YES, THE SALE STARTS
AT MIDNIGHT. WHY DID THEY HAVE
TO MAKE IT SO HARD? ALL WE WANNA DO
IS CELEBRATE THE TRUE MEANING
OF THANKSGIVING-- BUYING ELECTRONICS
AT TERRIFIC PRICES. I'M SAYING. TURKEY. <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>( doorbell rings )</i></font> ( both sigh ) WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ANSWER
THE DOOR WHEN I COME OVER? HOW ABOUT YOU STOP
COMING OVER AND I'LL
STOP ANSWERING THE DOOR? HI, MRS. DABNEY. AMY, I HAVE
A QUESTION FOR YOU. DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN
GET A SMALL TURKEY FOR ONE? IT'S JUST ME THIS YEAR. OH, WELL,
WHERE'S MR. DABNEY? DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
I DIVORCED HIS
SORRY BUTT. ( gasps )
OH, I'M SO SORRY
TO HEAR THAT. I'M NOT.
WE WERE JUST MAKING
EACH OTHER MISERABLE. NOW I CAN BE
THE HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
PERSON I ALWAYS WAS. YOU ARE? I MEAN--
I MEAN, YOU CAN. YOU ARE? SO ANYWAY,
I'LL BE EATING THAT TINY TURKEY
IN THAT BIG EMPTY HOUSE, ALL ALONE, BY MYSELF, JUST ME. WELL, IT'LL BE
GOOD PRACTICE
FOR CHRISTMAS. AFTER YOU. MRS. DABNEY,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO-- MRS. DABNEY, WOULD
YOU LIKE TO JOIN US FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER? WELL, THIS IS COMING OUT
OF NOWHERE. I'LL HAVE TO CHECK
MY SCHEDULE. BYE NOW. WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I WAS BEING GRACIOUS AND I WAS BEING
NEIGHBORLY. ALL RIGHT, WELL,
THAT BETTER END
BY CHRISTMAS. HEY, MOM,
WHAT YOU GOT THERE? IT'S THE MENU
FOR THANKSGIVING. TALK ABOUT GREAT TIMING BECAUSE I WAS GONNA VOLUNTEER
TO HELP YOU COOK. P.J., THAT IS SO SWEET,
BUT ACTUALLY I WAS
GONNA ASK TEDDY. MOM, TEDDY DOES NOT
HAVE TIME. SHE IS OFF IN HER
OWN LITTLE WORLD WITH THE DOLLS
AND THE HORSES AND THE DRESS-UP. YOU DO KNOW
SHE'S NOT SEVEN, RIGHT? WHATEVER.
LET ME SEE THE LIST. OKAY, I'M JUST GONNA
PUT A LITTLE CHECK NEXT TO THE THINGS
I LIKE TO COOK. YEAH, YES.
OOH, DEFINITELY. OH OH OH OH, YEAH. HONEY, YOU CHECKED
EVERYTHING BUT THE ROLLS. OH, RIGHT, SORRY.
"ROLLS." OKAY, FINE, YOU CAN COOK
ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, BUT I AM DEFINITELY
COOKING THE TURKEY. WAIT, THAT WASN'T
ON THE LIST. WELL, I THOUGHT
IT WAS OBVIOUS. I GOT BOGGED DOWN
ON THE SIDE DISHES,
LOST MY FOCUS. SO HOW DID IT GO? I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS. WHAT? SHE'S MAKING ONE DISH. PLEASE SAY BROCCOLI.
PLEASE SAY BROCCOLI. IT RHYMES WITH SCHMURKEY. IT'S TURKEY. - HEY, EVERYBODY,
GRANDPA'S HERE.
- Kids: HEY! YEAH YEAH,
MY, HOW YOU'VE GROWN.
BLAH BLAH BLAH. I DON'T BELIEVE
YOU'VE MET CHARLIE. NOW WHY IS HE DRESSED
LIKE A GIRL? WELL, BECAUSE SHE IS A GIRL. YES, CHARLIE IS SHORT
FOR CHARLOTTE. THEN WHY ISN'T
SHE CALLED <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>SHARLIE?</i></font> SERIOUSLY,
I DON'T GET IT. YOU GIVE
THE GIRLS BOYS' NAMES.
HE SHOULD BE TEDDY, HE SHOULD BE CHARLIE,
AND SHE SHOULD BE P.J. WE'RE NOT RENAMING
THE KIDS, DAD. GOOD NEWS.
I CHECKED MY SCHEDULE, AND IT TURNS OUT I AM
AVAILABLE ON THANKSGIVING. ALL RIGHT, REALLY?
WHO LEFT THE DOOR OPEN? MRS. DABNEY,
THIS IS MY FATHER-IN-LAW
FRANK DUNCAN. FRANK, ESTELLE DABNEY. BOB, I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU COULD COME OVER AND LOOK
AT MY GARBAGE DISPOSAL. - IT'S NOT WORKING RIGHT.
- OH, I'LL DO IT. HAD MY OWN PLUMBING BUSINESS
FOR 30 YEARS. PLUMBING, NOW THAT'S
A MAN'S JOB. YOU WANT SOMEONE
TO CATCH A BUTTERFLY, CALL MY SON. LET'S GO. YES, WE'RE NUMBERS
NINE AND 10! HA! - YOU'RE NINE AND I'M 10?
- YEAH. WHY DON'T I GET
TO BE NINE? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
WE'RE BOTH GETTING MYTABS. THEN I'M NINE. OH, GREAT, I GOTTA SPEND
THE REST OF THE DAY IN LINE BEHIND YOU TWO LOSERS. WELL WELL WELL, IF IT ISN'T KARL,
THE NEIGHBORHOOD JERK. IF YOU WERE PLANNING
ON GETTING A MYTAB, YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK.
YOU'RE NUMBER 11. NOT IF I OUTRUN YOU. AND WHEN I GET MY MYTAB,
I'M GONNA GO ONLINE
TO THE LOSERS SITE AND POST SOMETHING
ON YOUR LOSER PAGE THAT SAYS,
"HEY, LOSER!" THIS IS GONNA BE
A LONG DAY. EXCUSE ME, KARL.
I'M GONNA ZIP UP
THE INVISIBLE WALL NOW SO WE DON'T HAVE
TO LISTEN TO YOU. ( imitates zipper ) YOU CAN STILL HEAR ME. I KNOW YOU CAN. HEY, INVISIBLE WALLS--
STUPID. ( imitates zipper )
I'M SORRY, WHAT? T, YOU SHOULD GET GOING
SO YOU CAN MAKE IT HOME
FOR YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WELL, I'LL BE BACK AT 4:00
SO YOU CAN GO TO YOUR DINNER. - SEE YA.
- SEE YA. HEY, IVY, NOW THAT TEDDY'S GONE, I CAN FINALLY ADMIT THAT
I'M NOT REALLY A JERK. I'M JUST A VULNERABLE KID
WHO'S TOO SCARED TO ADMIT THAT HE NEEDS A FRIEND. OH, REALLY? NO, I'M A JERK.
LOSER! ( laughs ) YEP, A REAL LONG DAY. OH, MAN,
THIS IS JUST WEIRD. <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>( Charlie giggles )</i></font> - WHAT IS?
- GRANDPA. HE SEEMS HAPPY. IT'S VERY UNSETTLING. PEEK-A-BOO, I SEE YOU. PEEK-A-BOO. ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'D BETTER GO MAKE SURE
HE'S OKAY. HERE WE GO.
I'M GONNA GET YA! HERE WE GO.
I'M GONNA GET YA! - HERE HE COMES. WHOOO!
- ( giggling ) OH, SHE'S A CUTIE PIE! AND YOU WERE CUTE, TOO,
WHEN YOU WERE AT THAT AGE,
GABE. BOOP. ( laughs ) ( knocks on door ) HAPPY THANKSGIVING,
EVERYONE! HAPPY THANKSGIVING. SHE'S ACTING WEIRD, TOO? OKAY, SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT. THIS IS SUCH
A WONDERFUL DAY. I HAVE SO MUCH
TO BE THANKFUL FOR. PFFT. LIKE WHAT? WELL, I AM THANKFUL THAT I HAVE A NEW MAN
IN MY LIFE. AND I AM THANKFUL
TO BE THAT MAN. ( laughing ) UM... SO YOU TWO
ARE TOGETHER NOW? THAT'S RIGHT. AFTER FRANK UNCLOGGED
MY DISPOSAL... HE UNCLOGGED MY HEART. SO IT LOOKS LIKE
I'LL BE STICKING AROUND FOR A WHILE. AND WHO KNOWS, GABE?
SOMEDAY SOON, YOU MIGHT BE
CALLING ME GRANDMA. GABE, LET'S GO
FOR A CATCH. - A WHAT?
- JUST GO OUTSIDE. ALL RIGHT,
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? THERE'S ONLY ONE
THING WE CAN DO.
WE GOTTA SPLIT 'EM UP. OH, THAT SOUNDS EVIL. I LIKE IT. HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS JUST HELP THEM TO GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER. I MEAN,
ONCE WE DO THAT... THEN THEY'LL HATE
EACH OTHER. - EXACTLY.
- YEAH! WAIT WAIT WAIT.
SHOULD WE DO THIS? THEY ARE OLDER PEOPLE.
THIS MAY BE THEIR LAST
CHANCE AT HAPPINESS. YOU MEAN YOUR NEW MOM'S
LAST CHANCE AT HAPPINESS? YEAH, THEY'RE GOING DOWN. ( gasps ) - WHAT HAPPENED?
- HONEY, I SHRUNK THE TURKEY. OH NO, YOU MUST HAVE
FLASH ROASTED IT. FLASH ROASTED?
WHAT'S THAT? WELL, IT'S COMPLICATED. IT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU SIMULTANEOUSLY OVER-BROAST
AND UNDER-ROAST. PUT SIMPLY,
IT SHRINKS EVERYTHING. - EVEN THE BONES?
- ESPECIALLY THE BONES. P.J.,
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? WELL, I'M JUST THINKING
ON MY FEET HERE, - BUT WE DO HAVE
A DEEP FRYER.
- YEAH, SO? SO IF WE DEEP FRY
A TURKEY, DINNER COULD
BE READY IN 90 MINUTES. WHERE ARE WE GONNA GET
ANOTHER BIRD ON THANKSGIVING? I HAVE A SPARE TURKEY
IN THE GARAGE. WHY DO YOU HAVE
A SPARE TURKEY
IN THE GARAGE? WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
A SPARE TURKEY
IN THE GARAGE? - GO GET IT.
- OKAY. HEY, MOM,
ARE WE GONNA EAT SOON? 'CAUSE EVERYONE'S
REALLY HUNGRY AND WOULD LOVE
TO BE DONE BY 4:00. ACTUALLY, DINNER
HAS BEEN DELAYED. P.J. FLASH ROASTED
THE TURKEY AND NOW WE HAVE
TO START ALL OVER. IVY, HI, IT'S ME. LISTEN, MY MOM
RUINED THE TURKEY AND BLAMED IT
ON MY BROTHER, SO I'M GONNA BE LATE. YEAH, NO, OKAY.
DON'T WORRY, THOUGH. I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
JUST-- YOU STAY IN LINE. I'LL BE THERE
AS SOON AS I CAN.
OKAY. MOM, OH-- MOM, I HAVE A HEADACHE. WOW. SO MAYBE I SHOULD
REST IN MY ROOM FOR A BIT. SO IF YOU DON'T SEE ME
FOR, LIKE, TWO HOURS
OR SO JUST REMEMBER, I'M IN MY ROOM. WELL, HONEY,
YOU'RE PROBABLY HUNGRY. HERE, NIBBLE ON
THE FLASH TURKEY. YEAH,
I'LL BE IN MY ROOM. IF I BOIL YOU,
WILL YOU PLUMP BACK UP? WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? THE MINI TURKEY. ( laughing ) ESTELLE, YOU MAKE ME
FEEL LIKE A NEW MAN. - WOOF!
- MEOW. HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GOT A REALLY FUN GAME CALLED LET'S NOT MAKE
ANIMAL SOUNDS. SO, MRS. DABNEY... OH, GABE, BABY,
WHY SO FORMAL? CALL ME NANA.
OR BETTER YET GAM-GAM. SO, HA HA HA,
GAM-GAM... IT'S INTERESTING
THAT YOU MEOWED, BECAUSE WE KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU LOVE YOUR CAT CABOODLE. AND DAD DOESN'T
LIKE CATS AT ALL.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DAD? - HATE 'EM.
- THEN CABOODLE'S GONE. BUT YOU LOVE THAT CAT
MORE THAN ANYTHING. - I THOUGHT I DID.
- OH. HEY, DID YOU KNOW
MY DAD SNORES SO LOUD, HE RATTLES
THE WHOLE HOUSE? GOOD, MR. DABNEY WAS ONE
OF THOSE SILENT SLEEPERS. AT LEAST WITH A SNORER, YOU KNOW THERE'S A MAN
IN THE HOUSE. AND I HOPE HE'S THERE
FOR A LONG TIME. ME TOO. - WOOF.
- MEOW. ( sizzling ) HEY, HOW WE DOING OUT HERE?
EVERYONE'S REALLY HUNGRY. DINNER SHOULD BE READY
IN 90 MINUTES. YOU THINK YOU COULD
SPEED IT UP? GRANDPA FRANK KEEPS
TRACING FINGER HEARTS
ON MRS. DABNEY'S BACK. I GUESS I COULD WHIP UP
SOME LITTLE SANDWICHES. - WATCH THE BIRD, OKAY?
- YEAH, SURE. I'M GONNA WATCH IT COOK
TWICE AS FAST. <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>( boiling )</i></font> CHARLIE, ARE YOU GONNA
EAT YOUR SANDWICH? - YES.
- WELL, CAN I HAVE
JUST A BITE? NO, DADDY. I'LL BUY YOU A DOLL. OKAY, EVERYONE, DINNER WILL BE READY
IN 10 MINUTES. NO, IT WON'T.
THE TURKEY'S GOTTA
COOK FOR ANOTHER HOUR. THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.
I TURNED UP THE HEAT. - YOU DID WHAT?
- TURNED UP THE HEAT,
CUT THE COOKING TIME IN HALF. YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
IF THE OIL GETS TOO HOT,
THEN THE TURKEY MIGHT-- <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>( explosion )</i></font> EXPLODE. - ( gasping )
- OH, LOOK AT THAT TURKEY GO! OH NO,
IT'S COMING BACK DOWN. - WHOA WHOA WHOA!
- NO NO NO! OKAY, IVY,
I'M ON MY WAY. - YEAH, SEE YA.
- <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>( object whistling )</i></font> ( screams ) HOW YOU FEELING, SWEETIE? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AGAIN? TURKEY FELL
OUT OF THE SKY ON YOU. BUT TURKEYS CAN'T FLY.
CAN THEY? NO, I GUESS IN CARTOONS
THEY CAN. ( laughing )
OH, I LIKE CARTOONS. OKAY, EVERYBODY. FRESH FROM
THE VENDING MACHINE. - HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
- WELL, AT LEAST
THEY'RE TURKEY. OR "MAY CONTAIN TURKEY." HEY, HONEY, I'M SORRY YOU GOTTA EAT
TURKEY SANDWICHES
IN THE HOSPITAL AGAIN. I KNOW THIS ISN'T
THE THANKSGIVING YOU WANTED. WELL, IT'S NOT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE ALL TOGETHER. <font color="#FFFFFF"><i>TEDDY'S OKAY.</i></font> AND THAT IS WHAT
I'M THANKFUL FOR. YEAH.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM THANKFUL FOR
EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM. - ME TOO.
- ME TOO. I'M THANKFUL THAT THE PATIENT
IN ROOM 212 ORDERED ICE CREAM. I WONDER HOW THE LOVEBIRDS
ARE DOING. Frank:<font color="#FFFFFF"><i>
YOU CAN'T TALK
TO ME THAT WAY.</i></font> Estelle:<font color="#FFFFFF"><i>
I CAN TALK TO YOU
ANY WAY I WANT, DIMWIT.</i></font> THAT SOUNDS PROMISING. HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? HE'S AN IDIOT. SHE'S A BATTLEAXE. YEAH, WE KNEW THAT,
BUT WHAT HAPPENED? WE SPENT AN HOUR
ALONE TOGETHER. LONGEST HOUR OF MY LIFE. SO YOU TWO AREN'T
A COUPLE ANYMORE? NO, WE ARE NOT. AND TO THINK,
I WAS GONNA MOVE
TO ARIZONA WITH YOU. SAY WHAT NOW? WAIT WAIT.
THERE'S STILL TIME. YOU GUYS CAN WORK THIS OUT.
I MEAN, YOU'RE PERFECT
FOR EACH OTHER. - OH!
- WAIT WAIT, COME BACK! GAM-GAM! Well, Charlie, another
Duncan family Thanksgiving has come and gone. The good news
is Grandpa Duncan has also come and gone. Hey, Teddy, tell me
what you think about this. "Dear Mrs. Dabney, I'm sorry for our ugly words.
Please forgive me. Sell your house and move
to Phoenix immediately. Do not call first.
Just surprise me. Forever yours,
Grandpa." Teddy:<font color="#FFFFFF"><i>
I think he would
sign it "Frank."</i></font> Oh, yeah, that's good.
I could use that. ( keyboard clicking ) Anyway, since we never got
a Thanksgiving dinner, P.J. is about to deep fry
another turkey. So just to be
on the safe side. Wish me good luck,
Charlie. OH! THAT WAS THE WORST
SHOPPING EXPERIENCE - OF MY LIFE.
- MINE TOO. I MEAN, I HEARD
THOSE SALES WERE BRUTAL, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
THEY WERE THIS BAD. AND WE WERE SO CLOSE
TO GETTING THAT LAST MYTAB. THEN THAT MONSTER CAME IN AND STARTED THROWING US
AROUND LIKE RAGDOLLS. ( panting ) WHAT JUST HAPPENED
IN THERE? KARL, ARE YOU CRYING? SOMEBODY STEPPED
ON MY NECK. ( groans ) HEY, IS IT REALLY WORTH
TREATING PEOPLE LIKE THIS TO GET A STUPID MYTAB? YES.
