Terminator Dark Fate – A Rant About The Worst Sequel Ever Made

i'm convinced that terminator dark fate is the worst of the sugar and spice empowered woman reboot film trends that have sucked more money out of hollywood than the coronavirus with harvey weinstein taking the fall for numerous hollywood producers that traded sexual favors for roles for many years the town's elite felt it was best to go ahead and over correct ruining no less than 50 percent of their multi-decade franchises with girl power movies that nobody asked for and in the end nobody would pay for it and this has continued to this day producing screen gems like ocean's eight charlie's angels which sucked despite it being an originally all-female cast rumors of an all-female fight club and maybe most notorious paul feig's 2016 ghostbusters which succeeded in swinging enough people away from trusting women at all to secure a donald trump presidency girl power is the blaxploitation of the 2020s and we will look at it with just as much cringe but the film i will probably always remember as jumping the shark for this gimmick will be terminator dark fate terminator is a franchise that has done just about all you can do with it it wasn't killed by terminator 3 terminator salvation and terminator genesis but it certainly was beaten into submission and deep down all terminator fans hoped and prayed this was all due to the absence of one man one critical gear in the engine of this franchise james cameron so when it was announced that there was going to be a new james cameron terminator film and even better this film was going to retcon us back to the end of t2 making all the other bad movies irrelevant we were overjoyed cameron is back and if the movie is good we can forget the other ones and finally have a proper terminator trilogy then we learned the film would be directed by tim miller and it was just a story cameron had helped to develop and he would be producing not directing well all right we'll give it a try at least a gatekeeper to the good terminator lore would be on hand right and after all tim miller gave us deadpool it could be good we held out hope like children from a poor family waiting for santa to finally magically bring us some expensive new toys and then we got this promotional photo okay so sarah connor is there which means indeed terminator 3 never happened she was supposed to be dead years before in that film but why is jackie from that 70s show here and why is dylan roof looking so buff this was our first real sign that this film was going to be bad and it was not just bad monumentally bad as we all held our breath and prayed that this would not be a girl power terminator tim miller provided this quote to crush our spirits and ensure nobody spends money on this film and if you're an all-enlightened she'll play like gangbusters if you're a closet misogynist she'll scare the [ __ ] out of you because she's tough and strong but very feminine we did not trade certain gender traits for others she's just strong and that frightens some dudes you can see online the responses to some of the early [ __ ] that's out there trolls on the internet i don't give a [ __ ] and with that all fans of the franchise knew we were in for a wild ride the probability for a film being good that is prefaced with if you don't like it you're a sexist is roughly hovering around zero percent typically with a terminator sequel you're interested in what new tech skynet has to throw at you from robot skeleton to liquid metal to robot skeleton with liquid metal and guns to all the future cannon robots the nanotech john connor but with terminator dark fate it's clear what's amazing and revolutionary is the fact that the protagonist has a vagina just like in every other terminator movie having a vagina is literally one of the two entry-level choices for humanity nothing could be more mundane and speaking of nothing nothing could prepare fans of the terminator franchise for what tim miller and james cameron would do to seem enlightened and woman friendly in case any of their interns decided to talk terminator dark fate is ghostbusters 3 with robots i mean that and i plan to prove it terminator movies typically follow a formula so dark fate wouldn't necessarily be ruined by recycling a few gimmicks all the terminator films do that we're used to that by now the basic terminator formula is as follows skynet sends the terminator back to kill sarah or john or both resistance sends one protector both rush to find the target while we get to know the target as a character they find the target at about the same time fight and chase ensue we get some character and story development while the terminator kills a bunch of people while hunting his target then we get a second chase that ends in some manner of industrial facility that has the very rare technology and resources it would take to kill a terminator and that's it every decent terminator film i guess technically including three will have these elements in that order but only dark fate gives up completely on trying to add anything to the story they wipe the chalkboard complete reset and the movie begins the first thing this new film establishes is the death of john connor in true 2019 film fashion we annihilate the central characters of the old story this time by way of a second terminator that comes back in 1998 and shoots john connor while he's spitting some game to a girl in mexico while his mom watches now to people who might be new to the franchise this might just seem like a story device for sarah's character development but in reality it's kicking fans of the franchise who have suffered through three terrible terminator movies and still remained loyal until cameron came back right in their teeth yeah john connor remember the person whose mother was targeted in the first movie because even the idea of him was so dangerous the lovable scamp from the second movie who taught a robot how to love and seemingly ended the future war the guy who gets to score claire danes and destroy skynet and come back as a terminator nanotech oh okay roll that back [ __ ] everything about the first two moves so the prophesized military genius trained from birth to in skynet yeah that guy didn't matter in fact as soon as the future was changed in terminator 2 and skynet wasn't even a thing anymore another ai took its place legion because god forbid hollywood writers have more talent and creativity than professional wrestling how's this explained inevitability they just they just thanos that [ __ ] i am inevitable they don't explain it this is just what happens they give it the matrix treatment absolutely not starting out and let's not forget this film came out on the heels of a number of gender swapped for no reason girl power cinema mistakes the largest of which ryan johnson's the last jedi and this film seems to keep that failing theme going it's time to let old things die so cameron and company have officially retconned the terminator franchise to turn it into a gender bent action flick and again mark my words there will come a day when we look back at these girl power action movies with the same cringy disdain as we see blaxploitation films in today without all the comedy and creativity of dolomite so how do you turn the terminator into a fim positive film to inspire girls to fight giant robots i guess well step one kill off that pesky boy that it's all about but in doing so you kind of killed off sarah too i mean after all she saved billions of human lives sacrificed her whole life to protect the future and it means nothing because legion terminator duck fart starts in mexico or something where we meet our protagonist cyborg czech kyle reese cyborg czech kyle reese is an enhanced human whose mission is to protect the leader of the future human resistance ah never heard that before danny ramos they try to fool you into assuming that this time it's just like the first terminator film and danny's child is gonna be humanity's savior but hey hey surprise it's actually danny spoiler anyway the idea of cyborg humans might be the dumbest part of this that nobody ever talks about yeah we get it she looks like dylan roof and acts like a lesbian activist having an especially bad day but all that might be forgivable if she wasn't enhanced credit recruiters do it is hard writing women to be action movie badasses who compete with men on the level of brute strength obviously this is because women as a rule are not the sex that evolve to solve problems with brute strength they don't have it and this works out well in a lot of situations in the other terminator films sarah connor had to use her knowledge of military tactics use weapons out thank the terminator and before that she was an untrained scared year old young woman who was at this thing's mercy if not for kyle reese protecting her and making the ultimate sacrifice to blow the terminator in half so she could luck out and crush it in a hydraulic press my point is that's what makes a good female action character but grace there is no woman here she plays a man's role she's strong like a man quick like a man apparently she knows kung fu and she has some manner of computer assisted heads up display vision yeah i think there's a word for this i'm sorry i'm sorry but it has to be said grace is a mary sue and we don't get any character development no internal struggle or consequence for her choice to give up her humanity to become part robot to save danny no no no feelings of betrayal to wrestle with when she wakes up to find out she's been turned into the very thing she hates the most a machine nah nah [ __ ] that because she can punch thing did the writers of terminator dark fate ever stop to consider that humans being at a huge handicap is part of what makes the terminator scary even when terminators start showing up as the good guys we get better terminators that make them almost obsolete as the bad guy even the crappy sequels understood that but in dark fate james cameron comes back to the franchise as an in-name only producer and throws all this [ __ ] out of the window forget being at a disadvantage forget having to use careful planning and tactical advantages and awesome weapons to barely get over on a soulless killing machine from the future you know all that stuff that makes the terminator scary forget that we have enhanced humans now and because surely that wouldn't be enough here's a t-800 to put in your party as well and because of this lack of appreciation for nuance and a severe need to make girls look really strong that's every confrontation in the film rev9 shows up they straight up fist fight rev9 gets blasted or tossed somewhere and everyone runs away rev9 is one of the most unoriginal add-ons of the terminator franchise since well the last movie when arnold gets a weird t-1000 upgrade but we've retconned that nonsense and it never happened so now this is the horse the rev9 is proof that the writers producers and director of this festival of mistakes didn't care one bit so rev9 isn't from skynet it's from a different future where legion is the giant ai super saiyan and even though it's from a completely different timeline where miles bennett dyson is dead skynet never becomes a thing and pneumatic poly alloy probably never gets invented somehow legion was able to figure out how to build a [ __ ] bootleg tx with no weapons from terminator 3. which is ironic for the film that flat out says everything since terminator 2 was trash we get it we're throwing it all out and continuing after terminator 2. so your first order of business to rewrite the series is to cover a terminator in liquid metal that's all you got and these don't even have on-board weapons it can split into two terminators essentially a t-800 and a t-1000 and they can act independently of one another which i guess is cool but we've kind of seen this already and the last one had guns and big boobs it makes me want the tx back you have this brand new ai killing things and for some reason it produces t-800s in a universe where they never existed even if we stretch our suspension of disbelief to the very limits we can't both believe that the computer apocalypse and human skeleton robot killers would be a thing in both timelines the original terminator was for all intents and purposes a horror film an urban industrial cyberpunk horror about not only being hunted by a cold calculating inhuman killer but also the sword of damocles of an impending apocalypse and war it was kind of scary stuff in the first film we end on sarah driving into mexico pregnant after surviving this nightmare and we see a storm on the horizon as this ominous line takes us home he said there's a storm coming in i know even if you beat the monster you cannot escape the future where these things will be mass produced and you're the only one that knows it or even holds a key to stopping it and that's where it leaves us terminator 2 picks up where they left off by actually stopping the future sarah's older now and she's been shacking up with numerous gun runners and drug lords to teach jon all the necessary skills to be a great future military leader she sacrificed her entire life happiness and future to prepare for the war we learned about in part one she's hardened but still very in love with kyle reese she's cold tactical and from some perspectives kind of a bad mom i mean look at this scene i said it was okay she wasn't just aching to hold and hug her son after all these years her job long ago was to protect him which is kind of taking precedence over loving him in some ways and this makes sense after what she's been through even in the institution she hadn't missed john she was worried about his safety her duty has become to simply keep him alive and train me keeping john alive was being a mother and she did it pretty well and as a result she sacrificed other motherly traits compassion some of her femininity she wasn't able to have any peace but she still had hope even if it meant she had to assassinate miles dyson and run to mexico and that's what the film ends on because if a machine a terminator can learn the value of human life maybe we can too this time the highway is a dark night the future is once again a mystery but she can't see if there's a storm approaching or not in true terminator fashion we don't get confirmation that the war doesn't happen but it certainly looks better even though you left a terminator arm in the gear back there so we meet back up with sarah connor in terminator dark fate where she pulls up calmly shotguns one half of the rev9 and rockets another then she throws a grenade and steals a catchphrase i'll be back [Music] what's very off-putting at first here is seeing sarah connor on the offensive yeah she's old but an older sarah connor could be okay she's just never been on the offensive with one of these things she has zero prior experience where fighting a terminator was a better idea than running from it literally all of their plans before were to run from this thing but here we are years later and sarah is hunting them how does she think this is going to go without a vat of molten steel or a hydraulic press she and we have seen these things survive way worse than shotguns and grenades and she knows damn well that a grenade is not going to do [ __ ] against what i can only assume she thinks is a t-1000 at this point this is way too common offensive for the sarah connor character she's more likely to be in mexico drunk in a bungalow somewhere because her entire life's mission to protect the human race from extinction got its chest exploded at a tiki bar she would be broken by that ask yourself what's more likely sarah becomes a depressed mess because her entire life's purpose and the only two people she's ever loved have been blown away by terminators or that she would use hate for robots as her primary motivation to become an international criminal super assassin sarah has always 100 been a reluctant hero in terminator 1 she wasn't a hero of any kind she was dragged into it and is very little other than providing motivation to kyle reese to fight in t2 due to her training she was useful with a rifle and didn't snitch call to john now [ __ ] you but still she wasn't some invincible mary sue but dark fate no no forget everything you've ever known about women in real life because this one she's a man man brand new karen haircut suicidal feels no recoil charges into danger this is a new empowered sarah connor with the emotional depth of a puddle remember back when it was kind of sad to see what she had sacrificed in order to prepare jon [ __ ] that sarah's our new hero now killing john connor and making sarah the tough guy protagonist is like in jurassic park three when the spinosaurus killed the t-rex you thought we're gonna like this [ __ ] she's rough tough and buff this grandma's cookies bite back they completely ruined sarah connor within the first 60 seconds on screen complete over correction on this character trying to make an already badass female some kind of an indestructible super soldier with military and black market connections that are better than most actual armed stealers look we get it you don't hate women you don't want to put over that women can't be action heroes they absolutely can but you can't play one as a man it's the same problem as with grace and you certainly can succeed doing it with all three of your lead role the other problem with sarah is the timeline now now that we're dealing with legion a completely different future than the one sarah saved why does she even care sarah's big claim to fame was she saved 2 billion human lives she sacrificed her son her entire life now for nothing we're right back to the storm on the horizon only this time sarah knows it's coming but has no reason to be anywhere near it before she was protecting jon but now the screenwriters have wiped their asses with her sacrifices what's her motivation to do anything at all when she gets the first text with coordinates goes to the location and sees a terminator why doesn't sarah just nope right out of there after all john's dead he was the target who cares now anyway so back to the movie sarah delivers her stupid throwback line and pulls out a shotgun that seems to indicate she thinks engaging a t-1000 for all intents and purposes at close range with a shoddy is a good idea and then casually strolls off as if to indicate she encounters new breeds of terminator just every day so grace and mexican jackie from that 70s show steal sarah's ride and grace explains that she's tuned for high performance and that she could only fight for a few minutes before going in the diabetic shock she says they do this because anyone who encounters a rev9 has only a few minutes to kill it or you're dead which kind of makes sense until you realize that her whole mission is to kidnap this kid and run a mission to run away would indicate the need for some stamina and if they can tune people that was probably an option why make such a lopsided character to fight something that even at top strength you can't best in a battle of brute force so grace goes into shock and they rob a pharmacy the pharmacist asks insulin benzodiazepines do you have a doctor's prescription which is weird for a mexican border town if you've ever been to one you know what i mean sarah shows up and they drag trans ivan drago away in a wood paneled station wagon which is kind of a nice touch and a throwback to t2 and they hit up a motel where we get some lesbian wrestling and sarah explains who she is and we learned that skynet isn't even a thing in the future and sarah's entire life and journey in the previous films amounted to exactly nothing grace tells sarah that they don't need her we have enough indestructible female military figures in this film already and we still have to fit arnold in somewhere but gi sarah sells herself as an expert on staying off the grid in 2019 with skills like avoid cellular phones in cities and they let her join their party legion is a stupid thing and a stupid idea thought of by lazy stupid writers because they were so desperate in their rush to completely wipe away the old film's legacy instead of coming up with reasons another ai would rise up or god forbid it just call it skynet this film just tells us that at some point later than the expected judgment day literally the same thing happened and the same war ensues except strangely led completely by women and even the designs of the ai's foot soldiers remain the same instead of t something they're called rev nines now and that's not liquid metal no because poly alloy wouldn't exist right it's nanotech with all the same restrictions rules uses and weaknesses of liquid metal oh in the same time travel technology hell yeah that exists and apparently with the same rules nothing dead can go through except polymorphic metal technology for some reason i guess you just have to look like a person legion being a thing and having skeletal looking terminators and for all intents liquid metal breaks the [ __ ] world i know that when you're writing a time travel film the more sequels you make the more likely you are to write in some kind of paradox but this just creates too many questions if we wipe the slate clean post t2 the last thing we learned is that there is no fate but what we make for ourselves the future isn't written that's what the machines were supposed to have been wrong about skynet was calculating but it couldn't calculate for humans controlling our own fate but nah that's too complicated to right past let's just say the same thing happens but not skynet and never explain why or how it becomes the same thing with the same technology oh and without john connor the human resistance becomes a feminist army but the same army so we return to the film and our ladies are doing the driving through a desert and a station wagon thing as she explains that she's been getting text messages from an encrypted line that keeps giving her the locations of terminators as they arrive so she frags them which is kind of weird because if my entire experience with terminators was them hunting me and my family my first instinct would be to think skynet or the terminator was behind the text and trying to get me killed and stay as far away from them as possible it's called a trap sarah military genius sarah connor but instead connor has somehow merry sued her way into becoming sarah the terminator slayer now and eats cyborgs for breakfast grace snakes sarah's phone and does something what are you doing future [ __ ] that line enrages me this is the peak of lazy writing future [ __ ] but strangely i would have appreciated this more as an explanation of for legion than the one we got it's future [ __ ] if i tell anyone it messes with time [ __ ] your questions let's go okay that actually would have made more sense so grace reveals that the texts are coming from the same coordinates that have been tattooed on her and it's where she's supposed to go for help if [ __ ] gets thick i'm not sure why she wasn't already headed there as the peak of [ __ ] getting thick is this rev9 finding you which has happened twice now but they decide to sneak into america and go to laredo texas where our mystery guests await they hop a train for the usa with a bunch of illegals and talk about how terrible the future war is and sarah assumes danny is going to be the mother of some future resistance leader just like her even though we clearly know she's going to be the great feminist leader the next day sarah and grace hate i [ __ ] one another as they hitch a ride to danny's uncle's house and her uncle is about to call [ __ ] on their obviously made-up story about future robots being why they need to hike into america illegally but grace mr miyagi is a fly and all questions are answered well not not really but we have to get to the part where the rev9 infiltrates a border patrol checkpoint and murders everyone oops because nanites can literally do anything with machines like in terminator 3 oh oh wait that's not supposed to be a thing like johnny 5's antenna in short circuit too the rev9 is able to jack into the us defense networks and send out a drone locate danny out of thousands of illegal migrants crossing every day and put out an apb on their location and all this without raising any suspicion at all amazing it's almost like nobody in any of these organizations that would have to be alerted to something like this would have questions like who is launching our drones and hunting fugitives because the entirety of our border patrol services go right to checkpoint conor and arrest them the rev9 goes for some bonus points with a kamikaze drone kill but grace hears it just in time and spears dany out of the way just like gohan did with vegeta [Music] no really it's just like that [Music] the rev9 misses but it doesn't matter because everyone gets arrested anyway and he can just kill them in jail he gets in easier than the t-1000 of pascadero mental institution meanwhile grace is busy escaping from surgery and giving us commentary on the u.s mexican border crisis at the time they're dragging sarah upstairs and an alarm goes off signaling sarah to kick these guys ass because she's unstoppable despite being a 95 pound elderly woman but even if she wasn't indestructible it wouldn't matter because as a top priority famous fugitive she's only been escorted by two [ __ ] who pass out as soon as they touch concrete grace grabs danny and they make their escape as the rev9 shows us he is a compassionate killer cyborg and slaughters the border patrol agents with reckless abandon while not harming any of the innocent immigrants clearly within killing range and just as in the way as the agents the girls make their escape as the rev9 decides now is the only inappropriate time to use his throwy liquid metal spheres and he goes inside to have a snow cone and pretend he's not clearly on camera murdering 20 border patrol agents they never really addressed that either which is in contrast to the t-1000 who always maintained his role as a cop until the cyberdyne scene where he jacks the helicopter by jumping a motorcycle into it [Music] damn that was awesome do that one more time [Music] i mean he does get into a fight at a mall but that's local cop [ __ ] the rev9 just murdered 20 people in front of 100 witnesses a massacre on video they would be looking for his face even more fervently than sarah connor i mean yeah she kicked a guy in the nuts but the rev9 is who the authorities would be most interested in at this point despite that though he prances around with a fake texas accent and no change to his appearance at all he approached some dps agents and we get another callback say boys know where i get my hands on a chopper yo i'm not a cop but do all cops get choppers now what's not suspicious about a border patrol agent asking some dps officers where he can find a chopper why would they even know i know you're not looking for terminators but wouldn't they even ask what the hell do you need a chopper for and why the hell would we know where border patrol keeps him does he get his chopper we don't know yet we don't find out we don't care and it doesn't matter nobody's paying attention at this point anyway we pretend that radar isn't a thing and our heroes land at the coordinates in texas the next day where they're greeted by something that will discuss and horrify all terminator fans who are still clinging to any hope this film can be redeemed enter elderly arnold the boomer nader because they couldn't figure out how to make a t-800 into a female they did the next best thing they neutered it this is where the film really takes a hard left into anything male is bad this is an all-female reboot narrative meet carl carl is what happens when a soulless killing machine achieves its mission it develops a conscience learns a trade and involves itself in a sexless marriage now we as an audience are willing to believe a lot in order to enjoy a terminator film we're willing to go extra far but there is no way you will ever get me to believe that a woman could marry an 800 pound robot and never realized there was something different about it i hate carl so much it makes me want the tx back what about sex oh oh they they don't our relationship is not physical she appreciated that they could change diapers efficiently and without any complaints carl's just around because this woman is using him for free labor in babysitting neat this is what the terminator has become this is the disdain hollywood has for their own creation i guess there might have been a way to do this for carl with some backwoods loner in a cabin waiting for civilization to end alone but that a t-800 would learn a trade marry and assimilate is a stretch too far more likely a t-800 would do what he did in genesis when they jump from the 80s just wait it would find a location untouched between the original time and now some desert cave making one if necessary where he would await judgment day and rejoin skynet it would have some manner of plan once its mission was completed it's not like skynet sent them back with the purpose of failing and humanity engaging and finding a fully functional future tech machine would certainly be a threat to skynet survival the t800 wouldn't have just completed its mission and been like whoa what do i do now and gone into some uncharted territory and even if it could even if skynet was so stupid not to calculate that the reason the terminator and t2 was able to learn and become more human is john and sarah opened up its head and pulled his ship out to take him out of read-only mode if i'm going to believe that carl began to learn and become human i also have to believe that he convinced someone to open up his head and restart him then murdered that person to keep it all a secret then developed a conscience and felt really really bad about what he did to john or hey you know what the writers just don't give a [ __ ] the gatekeepers of the terminator multi-million dollar legacy and franchise just didn't give a [ __ ] arnold is a supporting role in a terminator movie dylan roof is now the new badass nobody asked for there was something about arnold as a t-800 the way he moved the way he talked it was human enough to pass but you could see there was something mechanical underneath but the geriatric android doesn't have any of that they treat arnold like this silent third wheel a tank for the party to slow down the rev9 so they can do more important things anyway sarah seems to hate carl as much as i do because she tried to unload on him the minute she sees him grace stops her like it would have mattered and mexican jackie asked sarah to hear arnold out on why he should join their party sarah rightly reminds them that arnold is a [ __ ] killing machine and they're on a mission to avoid being killed by machines but without knowing jack about [ __ ] dany says please and sarah stands down and goes to sit to have a little cry when sarah's done with her little moment we learned that arnold has been the one sending those text messages to give her life purpose which is stupid for reasons we've already listed and i will summarize again now why would you believe sarah will be able to kill a [ __ ] terminator all of a sudden why would this not look like a trap to her how would you know exactly where and when danny and grace would be on that bridge why would you know anything from a totally different future why did you not kill sarah connor back in mexico how did you get her phone number when she specifically keeps her phone in a bag to avoid being tracked how in a future where t-800s never existed and nobody knows who the hell sarah connor is would grace have tattooed coordinates to a t-800 on her rib cage what the hell would he have said if they didn't show up with sarah connor remember grace has this tattoo with no knowledge of sarah connor or her existence at all let's say she saved danny and went to the coordinates she was given and met this guy and told him she's from the human resistance against the legion and was told he would help her carl doesn't know what the hell legion is he would shut the door so everyone chills and has some coronas and we get our equivalent to when they're at enrique's house in t2 but instead of sarah's introspective scenes and john and the terminator learning from each other and talking about john's childhood we just learned that carl's a cuck who gets used for his money and his ability to parent without complaint this makes everyone else around feel strong as hell and talk about what to do now sarah wants to use danny as bait choose a kill box and destroy the rev not grace who is actually from the future and is aware of what this thing can do wants to run away somewhere tropical and off the grid to drink pina coladas and wait for the end of the world danny agrees with sarah and wants to fight and carl is a cuck like we pointed out so he just goes with the majority so they teach danny to shoot with the ancient technique of anger equals accuracy and now that mexican jackie is a badass and her bangs are re-feathered it's time to resume the mission sarah just knows a guy in the military who can get them an emp which apparently is super rare and also never missed when stolen so perfect arnold says goodbye to his family apparently he warned them that the day would come when he would have to leave and they split town because the place is no longer safe because [ __ ] his family sarah goes to meet with her military contact who apparently just gives away top secret weapons to his friends we can assume this is a super secret meeting and nobody knew that they would be there who would be involved but wait rev9 found his chopper and apparently he's been flying around looking for the drapes van all day and luckily he found it at night undercover when they had left no clues at the cabin as to where they were going i would say maybe he tracked the van's tire tracks but unless they drove through dense forest that wasn't the case says trees piece of crap takes some lead and for some reason instead of taking cover they jump into a military cargo jet they will absolutely be tracked in and shot down momentarily but the rev9 is jet li apparently and after a little bullet porn sarah sees her opportunity to finally kill two burns with one stone and drops carl's van on an innocent family home but unfortunately she misses carl with the band because mexican jackie snitches at the last second and arnold is not given an honorable death the revnon can apparently handle falls at terminal velocity without flinching and resumes his pursuit arnold busts into the cockpit as dylann roof explains how he saw the a-team survive this scenario once in a movie then he tells dylan roof that he regrets to inform them but their super weapon was destroyed because everything in this movie is stupid without good reason realizing that he has now been reduced to c3po arnold calculates their odds of winning with the available weapons is around 12 even though we clearly saw sarah one-arm this thing an hour ago oh well the military is giving the cargo plane an escort until they get the okay to light this thing up when the rev9 shows up to give us what would be a pretty cool zero g fight scene if we hadn't already blown our fear of heights nut a few minutes ago they enacted the a-team movie plan as arnold and the rev nine boxed until arnold's had enough of this stupid scene and tries to kill them all but failed the hummer's away but one of the shoots isn't opening so grace has to crawl around in the sky and fix it did this scene need another obstacle no did it last long enough for us to care no does grace look at all stressed out that she's dangling over oblivion no screw it suspense right no so after killing multiple terminators fighting out of a plane crash surviving a landing in a hummer via the a-team movie plan sarah finally feels pain and we get a call back to her old shoulder injury but luckily danny's good at everything she just pops that sucker back into place no time to miyagi heal now though because the rev9 is back they do some more stunts that should completely obliterate them and nobody trying to keep anyone alive would ever do and we ignore the laws of physics to get an unnecessary underwater escape scene that pretends the colorado river is some ocean underneath the surface and yet only this wide at the top seriously look all this and this is what was at the surface what kind of magical water realm lies at the bottom of the colorado river [Music] but luckily we've arrived at the last thing you need in a terminator movie an industrial facility the girls break into the dam and are promptly confronted by the rev9 who has no need to negotiate with these basically unarmed [ __ ] so he starts negotiating with these unarmed [ __ ] but the t800 refuses his offer because he's a cuck now and the fight is on they begin fist fighting this killing machine that has effectively slaughtered its way through the american southwest for the last couple days and throw his ass in a turbine which apparently weakens it just enough where jackie from that 70s show and arnold can reenact the terminator 3 ending and then for good measure sarah and danny also reenact the terminator one ending the end that was terminator dark fate a movie so bad not only will i never trust women again i hate james cameron now for even allowing his name to be put on this crap at very least paul feig can say that his ghostbusters didn't necessarily rip off the originals in fact he would have done well to consider the original films more than having his actors improv that abomination but not tim miller no not only was his reboot a crappy ripoff it also mutilates the original cannon and puts together a franken movie style patchwork replica that's so disgusting much like frankenstein we ran from it as fast as we could my buddy unknown archive said once that this film was like the drink surge you're like hey i haven't had a surge since the 90s and i loved it then but then you drink it and it's disgusting crap of the highest order i disagree terminator duck fart is like if you drank that can of surge and a bunch of women and male feminists all took turns pissing in it then tried to convince you that if you didn't finish the whole can you just hate women because it's impossible for anyone to just hate drinking piss right i'm adonis paul and terminator dark fate was pissed

Channel: Adonis Paul

Views: 12,705

Keywords: terminator, terminator dark fate, dark fate, sarah connor, john connor, arnold, t-800, grace, rev9, rev 9, review, funny, rant

Id: fZ6NM1YcNBM

Length: 36min 45sec (2205 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 13 2020