TED University - Building Critical Relationships || Keith Ferrazzi

it's easy to for all of us to sort of intellectually understand that relationships are really critical to our success and our happiness but I want to drive it home for just a moment if you think about jobs how many times have I met a young high potential leader that said well that other person over there just got promoted because the boss likes them well no I mean come on two arms two legs in a Harvard MBA ain't gonna necessarily get you there you think about sales and by the way everybody in this room is in sales sales is not about the form and functionality of your product it's about the capacity to be in front of another person touch influence and have that ability to have another individual drawn into your vision of whatever it is your product your company yourself right you know you think about managing in a matrix in a very difficult all the different types of organizations that we have today it's it's not about your your accountability responsibility its your capacity to influence our relationships in fact critical to your success if you understand what I'm saying I will stop droning on tell me I tell me you get it thank you Kevin know what you do if you didn't say that all right good so that's good so you get it you get the relationships good here's the good news the good news is that you are hard-wired to have better relationships it's all anthropological it's tribal our research has shown us are anthropologists or sociologists that if you go way back 70,000 years ago every one of you if you weren't communal if you weren't connected if you weren't in a tribe of some sort you were like eaten by something okay so if that's you know the key for us in our success today in the world is not necessarily to figure out new stuff but it's a tap back in to who we are as humans into the DNA of who we are in order to really connect it's to get out of our own way to be able to connect with another person to have the kind of joy to have the kind of success to have the kind of love and happiness and and wealth that you all deserve so if you understand that what I'm going to try to do today is tell you there are two mindsets of seven core mindsets that we're going to talk about in this Twitter talk that I've been given two mindsets it's a little bit better than 140 characters but two mindsets of seven and I'm going to talk about only two skill sets of about hundreds that we've researched and documented that will you connect with the people that matter to you first I'll even ask yourself the question you have dreams and goals this year who are the five most important people who are the five most important people to achieving your dreams and goals this year and what are your relationships with them because the first mindset is a choice and the relationships are a choice they're not serendipitous they're not accidental they're not necessarily with chemistry do you connect with another person but you make a choice you got five people out there that matter why not choose to have a better relationship for those individuals and you can because by the way choosing to have a good relationship with someone is not fake or inauthentic it's just purposeful there's a distinction but if you're purposefully grounded in and and and your ideas to reach out to another person you can choose I can choose for instance a little experiment here I can choose to interpret this audience as really scary to me I can choose to be in awe of who you are in in your success in in your wealth in your fame I can choose not to deserve to be here I can choose to to interpret that in all different ways I can choose to be intimidated and and I am a little bit but I can also choose to look out in this room and see friends and whether they're friends now or not or they will be I can choose to see people who are struggling with health issues I can choose to see people who are so excited about their children and grandchildren I can choose I can choose to see people that I want to connect with and and that's a choice so the first exercise the first skill that I'd ask you is choose to care today don't try to be liked I've spent most of my life trying to be liked it didn't work choose choose to care choose choose to find a reason to care about somebody else as you're talking to somebody today and I promise you the relationship and they're like we'll follow the second key mindset is the mindset of vulnerability in the power it's not your kryptonite in fact vulnerability is your is your superpower if you really what our research shows that if in fact you have the capacity and the courage for self disclosure you will connect with other people hi I'm Keith Ferrazzi Yale undergraduate Harvard Business School I was the youngest chief marketing officer in the fortune 500 have a number one New York Times bestselling book and I play polo nice to meet you most of you were sitting out there thinking or hi I'm Keith Ferrazzi my pop was a steelworker we're an immigrant family my dad was Mike my mom was a cleaning lady and they wanted to make sure that their son had a great education and most of the rooms and classrooms that I sat in I didn't feel I deserve to be in I spend most of my life going into rooms that I fundamentally because of my own insecurities don't believe I deserve to be in I still sometimes have to pinch myself and wake up and say hey dude you you kind of have done a lot of stuff you deserve to be there sometimes and I I get in my own way most of the time I get in my own wife because of my my humanity my insecurities that all of you share with me not yours necessarily the same as mine but you got your own and I know that but it's what it's what holds me back I am my own glass ceiling and the only way I'm going to bust through it is by a little bit of transparency a little bit of self disclosure a little bit of authenticity and if I tell the people around me that I love what I do that holds me back maybe just maybe they'll tell me when they see me doing it and I'll stop now that's which of those two characters do you connect with more which of those two characters do you want to be while you're here at Ted it's so easy for us to sort of try to step up and be the people that you think you're supposed to be while you're here right no just be you be you find ways to care about others in the final tip that I'd like to give you is of the greatest ways to connect with another way person it's it's to be of service what if just what if here while we're at Ted and here in the world we we walked around trying to say how can I help you how can I serve you what would you imagine what the power of this if not just walking around saying how bright am i and how abide a bright named you and boy that was clever but but how can I help you what if every time you saw somebody from now on in at the conference or in the world you walked up to them and said who you trying to meet what are you trying to learn what are you trying to accomplish what is your mission what is your movement how can I be that that second individual to follow you at least while I'm here to help you be there bottom line is it would transform your life it would transform our lives it would make it a lot easier to quote Network we're not skulking around and just trying to connect with people and feel like you need a shower afterward we're really two things choose to care choose to help good luck god bless [Applause]

Channel: Keith Ferrazzi

Views: 51,105

Keywords: keith ferrazzi, ted, relationships, networking, relationship building, never eat alone, ferrazzi greenlight

Id: YlCR4Y7CulU

Length: 6min 51sec (411 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 11 2017