Ted Bloopers & Gag Reel (2012)

hey squirt how you doing where's your buy a rabbit yeah it's a bear it just makes me giggle cuz I heard it like this it's a bail so I know he didn't say this way and I'm sure it's based in contort but that is how I thought in my head where's your bunny rabbit he's a bit got it you could be you and then wishing the cars come on hurry quick away mighty cool what's so funny this is serious you owe me say real fast ten times - teddy bear he called night one morning he goes now I need the police this man stole my teddy bear hello nine more one I need the police right away this guy took my teddy bear hello I lost my for ten minutes I could not do this together no more I need the police right away this guy took my teddy bear well my teddy big the real bear teddy the talking bear you never heard of him famous all right good yeah laughs me will act that don't be nice no I don't think I've ever seen a set where people are laughing as much as on this movie it was probably like continents we haven't even discovered yet I'm just saying that we just trust me what is great is really great cloaks was just very easygoing everybody was enjoying themselves I mean I think it was having fun I know I am [Music] you is that she's crazy Tara go I'm ready [Music] it's hysterical I mean we laugh every day on this movie and keeping that environment kind of fresh and upbeat - the primary issue is what's funny what's fun for the actors what's fun for sale you think she might be expecting me to make that kind of a move no no I don't think you and not only that John we have four months away from an iPhone app where you hit a button and it tells you who is willing to blow you right here right now in this restaurant and I guess I didn't think about that yeah exactly you do not want to cash out before I blow this is the American fantasy right here a professional NFL player is called upon to save the world yeah Tom Brady could do that Tom Brady could do that the only reason Brady doesn't fly is because he chooses not to if Brady told me to kill myself I'd do it he's prettier than Gisele you know so are we having homosexuals almost dinner tonight is it hot no just you home oh wow I just kind of just reworded my joke but that ha ha she's funny Johnny you got yourself a regular Toni Collette over there wait was that good oh she's a comedian oh she's pretty oh she's his pretty issue is funny okay she's funny Johnny you got yourself a regular Sandra Bernhard over there wait yeah if you want like a scowling you so pissed about it don't go down there I have a boyfriend yeah the guy with the bear but I'm talking about a mature relationship Laurie if we were together our babies would be spectacular yes the guy with the teddy bear it's a very cute relationship but I'm talking about being with a real man Laurie some of the wears a blazer on an airplane someone choose nicotine gum all the time it's like $70 a pack what is it it's called mind rape it's actually pretty mellow what is it it's called Kennedy's head it's actually pretty mellow it doesn't sound very mellow not only it makes you cerebral you know like Kennedy Kennedy was smart that's what it refers to like Cuban Missile Crisis you know decisions under pressure that that kind of thing wants back it up Laurie this is angelique heavenly Shireen and Sauvignon Blanc by the way heads-up do not use your electric toothbrush it was in an you know we just found out we found out Heavenly has a Taco Bell credit card can you pull heat stupid ass oh yeah yeah we were playing truth or dare and Shireen's pretty ballsy oh my god you know what that's probably what the Indra was doing over them Emma she was crouched over in the corner for a really long time I thought you just make our phone call right there are some up fish out there oh look at that one must be white guy fish I don't care for some of Conan O'Brien's humour I don't I don't like Irish humour I married the wrong woman and now I lead a life of regret look at that guy my son is taking me out to lunch today he's paying for it all himself I didn't even bring my wallet I went to New York once in 1981 and I just did not feel saved you got what it takes I'll tell you what I got your wife's on my breath nobody's ever talked to me like that before that's cuz everyone's mouth is usually full your wife's box you're hired I'll be great with us first get on yeah no when I get my mermaid fountain in here it'll be perfect oh yeah and actually the landlord offered to give me a free loveseat if I bought him a case of sudafed oh yeah I get a couple of tables a couple of lamps in here I'll be in Better Homes and holes by next month I'm a bear wearing a suit that could fit a child I might as well walk in there with a bunny jesh that's my nose come on it's not that bad it is and by the way your Christopher Robin in that scenario so you know get ready to get by Tigger in the Hundred Acre Wood I'm a short bear in a suit I look like boo boo at Yogi's funeral come on it's not that bad and everyone knows whatever disease claimed yogi is about to claim boo boo come on it's not that bad yes it is that bad John I look like I'm about to throw a tantrum for ice cream John I look like the seal of quality on a crib I look like a guest at Peter Dinklage's wedding yeah you're on the bride's side of the groom's side yeah what do you think just to come over I got the Chia's DVD boxset and the guy down at the store told me that everybody talks about each other in the interviews really yeah apparently a real Perlman admits that she once went up on George Wendt yeah apparently George Wendt confesses to a rape yeah apparently John Ratzenberger spends about 45 minutes defending the Armenian Genocide I will kick you out in five and you can get back to what all here's my boat that's the other side I will kick you out in front John I have to kick you out I'm having teddy bear company later Paddington and his snatchy wife are coming over I have to kick in five that's when the hunky construction worker next door takes a break and drinks a diet coke I gotta watch it yeah John I have to kick out in five the mother of my buddy John is coming over and I have to her yeah I see what I did there come on over all you've got to do is not up you're the least up sorry did you just fart my office I apologize did you just fart I got nervous I think I got a concussion and I'm on my stomach's upset from the knowledge driving you got a problem your should be clenched when I'm talking to you it is no it's not you just my room it didn't come out it smells like proof fog in here dear God in heaven what did you eat ah smells like rotten meat and cocaine in here what kind of diet are you on well I am a former celebrity in a minimum-wage job this this must be how the kids from Jurassic Park feel remember them and what's this this is how depression stats Johnny you know I'm gonna have to start taking a stronger drug come on it's not that bad okay I got a shitty job and I show you I'm quite content oh no I try heroin but I own any veins I don't know maybe I'll sell drugs on the side is crack legal yet in Massachusetts maybe I'll suck dicks in the South End for expert cash well we'll get it sorted out you're gonna be sucking on this in a minute I'm quite content yeah the first sign of true happiness is chronic drug use oh is that why you bought a prescription pad on ebay because of how happy you are I'm quite content you masturbate in the shower with Head & Shoulders things are not that great we do we talk about you all the time what time now yeah I mean oh my god last week we were talking about how meet all of our shoes on all your shoes my a lengthy conversation we were saying like you know a lot of women look like unsteady horses when they wear high heels but Laurie has sort of a regal new trot I can't oh my god yes you can't act yeah I mean like last week we were talking about how neat and tidy your purse is you know I mean like like most women their purses are like a salad of tampons and gum but you know yours is like just well Oded you know it's like if the Nazis had purses this is how they would have been it looked like yours like your purse has a hit Larry and orderliness so you know way to go yeah I mean like just yesterday Johnny and I were talking about how hot you are you know like your features you know like you'd like we were saying you'd even make a really hot guy I mean if you ever want to go to cut your hair and go in that direction you know you you've got options is what I'm saying you got options yeah I mean like we're always talking about how hot you are you know like I mean I was saying to Johnny oh if I look like you I would be jerking myself off all the time you know so it's a testament to you that you have a career you know that you're not just staying home fiddling with your clitoris or whatever you know so a tip of the Fred Astaire top hat to you for that I say I will hide and seek I hide well now hang on a sec big your dad likes you to show good manners right the cubby Macbeth what now - hang on a sec did your dad likes you to show good manners right - Chaz Bono cocaine right come on do don't tell me you never done it before I thought that was just the people in Florida are you sure this apartments nice enough for cocaine hey Johnny there yeah hey you gotta come back inside man flash is telling a story of how he accidentally Robert Evans hey Johnny hey come on upstairs Tammy Lynn's gonna make some lousy Cola from scratch Oh Johnny yeah yeah we got problems man flash just hit a high school kid with a golf club let me out of here you crazy bastard let me oh I hit a fat kid running I hear the fat kid running I better tell areas let me out of here you crazy bastard sorry look I'll be reasonable how about that I'll put the lotion in the basket come on at least let me see you kid doing a truffle shuffle huh how about that we could Oh what I'm acting like a car yes you are acting like a pointy ice-cream cone shaped Mitt Romney huh I was at a Red Sox game and he was pissing next to me in the men's room dick was cone-shaped reduce so weird and when he pissed on the urinal cake Johnny it just dissolved it just went away like it was acid I never seen nothing like it I'm acting like a yes you were acting like a giant v-shaped funny-looking guy in a porno huh it's remember that porno we saw with a guy with a v-shaped if it's again yes you are acting like a big ugly banging a Hitler mustache vagina huh remember that porno we saw with the Hitler mustache vagina had the the bangs hanging across the top if again you try and get away Ted that was me yeah well God was mean to you tits that was me screw you white precious hey Johnny total TJ hooker right hey who says women thrivers aloud every graduate doesn't well you're probably not used to seeing me fully clothed yeah yeah me and Nora met each other at a party at Tony Bennett's house back in 2002 we did it right on top of Tony's pinky rain collection I think about that night every time I sing don't know why I didn't come ah that is was a ballbuster me and Nora met in 2002 at a party at Pat Benatar's house you know what a up host Pat was a member she walked out with a platter with less than ten crackers on it and acted like that was enough there were over a hundred people there anyway Nora and I had awkward non memorable sex in one of her child's bedrooms me and Nora met back in 2002 at this event for this charity that we were both involved with this wonderful charity actually for kids who've been by a family member and we ended up hooking up in the back room can did you know what happened at the Beatles had said I can't we would have missed out on tons of timeless music Elvis Presley Madonna Madonna John if Madonna had said I can't she would have probably crapped out after one hit did you know how old she is today John 68 she's 68 years old and still on top because she said I can John this is your Madonna moment come share this with me yes you can join like Barack Obama yes you can what if Barack Obama had said I can't huh he wouldn't got elected and we wouldn't have found out that a black guy can be a terrible president just like anyone else John this is your terrible black president moment come share this with me you remember when we used to watch Sesame Street right and Cookie Monster we need a cookie but he wouldn't swallow anything the pieces would just like fall off to the sides you know and and we didn't think nothing of it at the time but now we know it was on purpose because he was bulimic John don't be a bulimic Cookie Monster don't let the best parts of life crumble down your chest can John let me tell you a story back in the 80s there was an actor named Christopher Hewett was on a TV show called mr. Belvedere now he was a large man and one day on the set he accidentally sat down wrong and crushed his own balls he was taken to the hospital and given treatment unfortunately he sat on his own balls many times after that do you understand what I'm saying I'm coming this place it's great thanks man the whole thing for eight bucks my oh the Navis that was where I gave the to all the nice they gave me all that furniture all right [Music] [Applause] [Music] seriously one drink wondering if you have more than one drink I'll scream right there's something that I need to say to you two did their raped me can you help me get out of my own car I need help on my own car [Music] hello along hello okay yeah mister Bugatti I hate this car some think that beneath the wing who came out doing dance oh yeah right alright alright yeah yes Wow hmm [Music] what am i why don't I just keep talking why did I throw in that on that tape that hurt I'm sorry I'm sorry hold on I'm John [Laughter] that's my just hold on just hold on oh my god I am okay people call me Johnny beam on the dance floor you could answer the best best in Beantown alright so stop it's my fault it's my fault you can do it as done I will never make you say yes put it on put it on watch this magic promise told mehe me see my family guy mark it still hurt hmm I don't want to sing I'm family guys please say your name I'm John of the dog's ass right oh yeah I don't know the fireman sticks the finger up the dog that's not his own ask how they lose the fireman who discovers that intervention right I I guess they do with that but they got to do you know it's like Mad Science well I thought the fireman stuck his own finger of his own I know and off the dog that so you got to stick it way up then if this if it goes up the wrong tool then they got to stick it back down the other wrong tube what do you mean well whatever as an ID yeah so I don't know if is a tube is it a cave a coal I don't know what's not a cave I know that some by that I'm sure they're like dog I got us all right all you had a couple of rectal exams you must know John I've had a few probably too many though no no I just I just thought you might want some extra semen on your rat on your Pope yet [Music] if you are DS next time listen up did you know that boombox the in the Lion King was the first character to fart in a Disney movie just fit in perfect with the character don't you think I wonder who the second character would oh yeah so I'm the first part innocence now so subscribe to our Channel and don't forget to also click the notification bar see you next time next part

Channel: FilmIsNow Movie Bloopers & Extras

Views: 9,234,292

Rating: 4.8245087 out of 5

Keywords: Ted, Bloopers, Gag Reel, Outtakes, Gag, Mistake, Funny, Funny Bloopers, Fun, lol, Ted Bloopers, Ted gag reel, Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane, Giovanni Ribisi, Matt Walsh, Comedy, Fantasy, teddy bear, Christmas miracle, friendship, FilmIsNow

Id: n95L7k07e2s

Length: 17min 20sec (1040 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 12 2017