Sunday Spiel: The Radical Act of Dressing Well

hey everybody today I'm gonna do something a little bit different now I gave a talk in Portland at event called knock out it was called the radical art of dressing well now this talk has been really important to me I did a lot of research into it and also many people said it impacted them personally so what I wanted to do today is to just read that talk to you hopefully a lot of sense by are you when I was a child people would often ask me what do you want to be when you grow up now for most kids that would be easy a ballerina a teacher a cop well I wasn't a normal child I'm not a normal woman actually but back then I responded simply I want to be a Renaissance woman maybe it's because Danny DeVito had just done that movie called Renaissance man or maybe it's because I've gone to the museum and seen some Renaissance artwork or maybe it was just because from an early age I knew that I was meant to be a diverse person so here I am today a technologist a marketer a world traveler a youtuber a fashionista a dancer a plus-sized advocate and a very proud dog mom I think that 10 year old me would be really proud of the Renaissance woman I'd become and it's with that 10 year old me in mind that I speak to you today growing up that as I'm sure many of us know was was painful everything was limited every effort was turned into a joke high school preach this doctrine of assimilation and it was fit in or be shamed now you might be asking yourself okay this is a fashion event why is she getting all emotional and talking about her childhood FairPoint I am getting there just bear with me for many of us in our younger years wearing the right clothing wasn't just about being fashionable it was about being accepted in middle school I very clearly remember being so upset that American Eagle did not make these green corduroy lei overalls that all the cool girls were wearing and had let me just interject and let you know that those overalls work absolutely hideous and just a good indication of how far people will go to fit in because in 1997 my entire high school looks like a bad version of Teddy Ruxpin and we were proud of it it was terrible ridiculously tacky or not these overalls were a barrier to acceptance I couldn't cross because I was fat I didn't even have the option of looking like a blonde cool ass fat Teddy Ruxpin I would have looked awesome instead I were pleated khakis and I looked like your aunt Doris I had a bull cut seasonal sweater vest and oversized plastic glasses thanks mom I remember in high school going to Abercrombie and Fitch and at the local mall looking for the biggest shirt I could find and it wasn't it wasn't just about the size on the tag I was like a pro I could find the biggest shirts size XL I would size them all up against each other and then I would basically plop down my $50 after I'd manhandled the shirt enough to know that it was for sure the biggest one in the store and I would go home to complete an overly complex cultural ritual of stretching this shirt out I would take my arms and do fists I would step on the hem and pull it up I would do anything to get this shirt to fit I would just just to manipulate it onto my body and when it did fit oh I was so proud but it looked terrible like awful like some weird adult baby trying to wear clothing made for a child like it was something it was weird but the shirt wasn't just a trendy piece of clothing it was a passport it was my route to be accepted for many of us doing during our youth fashion was a means of belonging what we wore tethered us to click send opportunities and basically would define our adolescence each tribe of teens had their wardrobe and you needed to wear the right clothing to be part of it fashion wasn't just clothing it was like armor for many of us including myself our first introduc style was really under this pretty tons of worth you're worthy if you can wear this brand you're worthy if you can wear these jeans this shirts this dot it was hard to fit into a world that I felt designed for the thin it seems society and arbitrarily decided that a woman past a certain size was basically left to be a stylist blob who only wanted to cover themselves in like couch cushion florals black shapeless smocks and themed holiday garb and I don't know what it is with holiday garb but like Paula sighs people have holiday garb on block like if you need a light-up sweater with like tons of sequins for pretty much any holiday we got you this led me to feel like I could never fit in except for an ugly sweater party there I was very very well accepted if the right clothing didn't fit how could I belong I learned from a very early age how to be comfortable standing out because I didn't have a choice because Society had decided for me the my weight made me unworthy of fitting in I guess I was lucky or maybe I'm just really stubborn probably bad as I grew I began more and more to use fashion as this art of radical self-expression I sew my own clothes very terribly absolutely awfully I also would make my own prints I would take t-shirts and I would draw with paints I wet down toothbrushes and do all kinds of fun little things I did whatever I could to define and create my own style with what limited skills and resources I have I remember once I went for an entire semester wearing a pastel set of sweat suits because I wanted people to know that this is what was available to me these were my options as a plus-size woman this is what I could easily get I wanted them to understand it wasn't easy I was radically expressing my demand for more options and they just happen to be very comfortable as well but however the lot has changed since when I was 10 or 13 or 16 the Internet's exploded and now we're exposed to people all over the world and gender identities are no longer just male and female and we're becoming more complex and fluid with every pretty much thing that we describe ourselves with we've seen an increase of races religions and body types in media and as a result we are living in this amazing time when for the first time fashion is starting to be celebrated as a form of self definition not social assimilation once heralded is the way to fit in we're now celebrating people that stand out the boy who chose us chooses to wear a dress to school the woman who chooses not to wear a bra the girl who proudly wears from her job they've all been celebrated this year gone are the pushy logos the little horses the flag the surfboards and and all of the designer names instead of a sense of self and develop individuality and bravery are what we celebrate in youth fashion in the past years I've also seen an increase of plus women being celebrated in the media my only disdain is that this celebration is usually framed in the concept of how a fought fat woman fought back those days women always seem to be framed in the context of their oppressors not in who they are I find myself being caught in this quite often I was on vacation when an image of myself went viral I was enjoying the pool with some friends and I turned into a debate about my health it wasn't until I fought back against those shaming us that the article was picked up by several news sources including vogue but all I could think about when all of this was going on is how I longed for a day when a plus-sized woman standing up for herself wasn't front-page news it was what was expected people can still be cruel especially when the alternative being kind forces them to reassess how they see value we live in a society that's long defied value with some type of finite resource we've been taught that there's only so much value in the world and the more you have the less I have this has created unnecessary competitiveness between women and in turn established barriers that were unfortunately take years to break and until these barriers come down there is still this pressure to walk the line of what's acceptable today 67% of women are over a size 14 but yet our media still depicts the normal woman is thin what happens when social norms are anything but normal sociologists are now studying this concept called crossing over it's when straight size woman finds herself transitioning from street sizes into plus-sized clothing for the first time the experience is leaving women with a new type of culture shock one centered around sizing there should be really no surprise why that culture shock exists plus-sized fashion is long-held the reputation of being tasteless cheaply made poor fitting well at the same time being isolated and difficult to procure oh you want plus-sized clothing that's all the way in the back by the cobwebs furthermore plus-sized fashion has long held an innate obsession with flattery or the concept that what is worn by a plus-sized woman must be done to hide the individual and their fact these newly plus-sized women often experience an immediate sense of devalue as they transfer from many easily pleasing accessible options to a perceived few unsavory and difficult to procure choices plus-sized fashion is still by many people perceived to be just a collection of memos shapeless stacks and even though the industry and community has drastically changed it still exists that that viewpoint that being plus-size means you can't dress well that's where you me and pretty much everybody else who's watching this becomes very important we've seen retailers like Nike and JCPenney accredit plus-sized clothing lines for boosting the bottom line and leading category sales plus-sized clothing racks were once filled with like tent-like garbetts and are now showing girly figure flattering options like body cons and crop tops there's been a shift away from flattering to clothing that now represents us as individuals it's not perfect but it's come a very long way but for us to keep going we need to keep seeing women like me and you enjoying and expressing ourselves through clothing the simple rebellious act of dressing well the simple rebellious act of dressing well helps us eradicate a stigma then hang so heavily over the term plus-sized though we are not worthy until we lose weight I'll buy that item when I'm thinner I'll invest in something that makes me feel beautiful when I get to my goal weight these are the words that we are taught to approach fashion in the plus-size world width but the clothing we purchased is just a temporary thing that when we're better when we're more worthy then we can have the clothing that we deserve but we don't have to act that way we can be stylish we can define ourself street fashion we can buy pieces that make us feel beautiful we don't have to dress to disappear until we hit that magic goal weight we can be seen hold on to those words because they're important the world can see our roles are visible belly outlines our cellulite they can see us plot our curves our bosoms but we can take up space we can own a room we can be loud and boisterous and undeniably happy we can command attention we can own the conversation with our personalities our charm and our wit we can be beautiful it can be stylish we can be fashion-forward we can be more than a fat girl waiting to be fed we can be seen and that's what good change really begins as the stigma or Rhodes and more women become comfortable with what it means to be plus-sized and purchasing and wearing plus-sized clothing more companies are going to adapt to serve our growing community it means more options for Plus girls more money for businesses and simply everybody wins but there's a deeper message buried in all of this let's go back to my high school stealth and let's look back at the girl who would do anything to fit into an Abercrombie t-shirt what if it didn't mean something to be plus-size what if I didn't feel like I had to wear that shirt to be acknowledged what if it wasn't thin versus fat it was I wore what made me feel who I was what if it was just a girl wearing something she loved and felt expressed who she was what if she just wore something that made her feel good I can't help but wonder and think back what would she be wearing can you look at myself now I look at the way I dress the past should have for clothing and how everyday I approach it like this thing like I'm gonna get dressed and I get to tell my story every day whatever that story is in that moment I get to create and I look at the joy and happiness I'm able to bring myself and others and they think about where I was when I felt confined and controlled by fashion when I felt I needed to fit in fashion gave me the ability to have a voice in a world that told me I couldn't I shouldn't let me make a statement let me stand out in a way that felt authentic and real so when I miss dressed up it's not about vanity it's my radical form no self-expression it's reminding you every day that I am worthy of the clothing I wear that I invested myself and that is a fat worm and I am just as worthy of that as anyone else there's a quote from Orson Welles that I just love and I think it applies here and that's why I'd like to end all of this with style is knowing who you are what you want to say and not giving a damn so I encourage each of you as you go throughout this week to stop giving a damn stop approaching fashion thinking about will this help you fit in and start thinking about who am i and how can i express that further through what I wear start making radical acts of self-expression through your day to day choices and I hope it will bring you the same happiness confidence the fearlessness in skin me okay too many tears go home oh I kind of stopped I'm like nuts get off the serious trains and of bawling anyway thank you guys for listening to my talk I love you all so much I hope you guys have an amazing Sunday I will check you guys later peace

Channel: Glitterandlazers

Views: 36,355

Rating: 4.7845302 out of 5

Keywords: fashion, style, plus size, body positive, fat, self love, vlog, vlogger

Id: TE-PMsHDiys

Length: 16min 30sec (990 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 08 2017