SUBURBAN COMMANDO BAD MOVIE REVIEW | Double Toasted

[Applause] [Applause] you know about it go listen go lizard I mean with a fabulous foreign [Music] highest tier tickets for Double Toasted live in Brooklyn New York that's going to be April 1st 8 p.m at the roulette intermedium for a night of Comedy some games to play with y'all gonna get that after party together I already start talking to some people about that and more now here's why I say get that all access pass and you can get all those nice perks with it but they're all sold out so no perks for you and I would move you over to the VIP tickets guess what gone to gone too I think there might be a couple left last time I saw it was four that was like two weeks ago so I think I think they might be gone you can go in there and try but those are gone I told y'all New York comes through New York always gives us plenty of Love New York shows up man New York represents so you still got plenty of those general admission tickets to get in there though and that's still gonna be fun you know I get out there and meet everybody we get out there and talk to the people and whatnot you'll still have a great time but New York has a tendency to sell out so get your tickets now while it's still out there as you can see I mean we're already sold out some and we're already uh over half capacity get your tickets by going to X1 entertainment.com that's the letter X and number one the word entertainment.com Double Dash toasted you can also go to doubletosted.com and get tickets over there too all right y'all let's go ahead and get into this evening's bad movie roast yes we are [Applause] that is uh that's the rally and cry that we had for Hulk Hogan right here so yeah so people this is Suburban Commando and I did you had my work cut out for me with this one this one took from dust till almost done to get uh to get this done because there's so much to talk about with this crazy ass movie right here do you belong to some kind of army are you just go around doing good like some kind of superhero Suburban Commando oh people now let me tell you something let me go because I got to go through this carefully so one of the things that I that that I noticed after watching this whole film right here I gave I'd stay to the end of the credits just in case there's some crazy ass Stinger on this because I mean this thing is loaded with gold in here now Mars that is fool's gold but it's gold nonetheless let me share my my first time experience and Impressions with this movie because I don't remember anything about this I never saw it back in the day uh the way I remember the trailer from when it was coming on TV at the time did not match up with what really was going on with this film now this is my first impressions of the movie right here before I even tell you anything about the play so the movie opens up with this big ass cheap ass space battle that is a complete ripoff of Star Wars in the opening of Star Wars yes the Mexican flea market version of stars complete with a complete with a big ass Dollar General Empire ship that's floating in the sky [Music] they even got the only thing that they didn't do is they didn't do the scroll yeah it's explaining what's happened to crawl yeah crawl at the beginning did you hear the music dude everything everything like I said everything this is a complete Dollar General Thrift the thrift store free market free market Mexican ripoff is Star Wars if they got ready like I said even from the the that cheap ripoff version of the Empire ship that's flying into the shop right there I don't remember any of this I said what kind of cheap Star Wars [ __ ] is this and it's so bad it's cheap the acting is terrible the acting is so bad that people can't even people can't even uh uh they could even fake being blown up um no no no just a couple of Sparks so the light bulb was kind of flickering knock it off now if you're gonna rip off the spaceships you're gonna rip off the lasers you're gonna rip off the battles you're gonna rip off the theme you got to start ripping off characters so there's only a matter of time before they open up its own cheap ass version of the emperor rather disheartening isn't it Mr President you might as well have been feeding the hungry yo this [ __ ] is so bad my man I'm speechless people it's so bad he forgot his lies he's always like I don't know if I'm supposed to laugh or look terrified that [ __ ] was so bad my man he could have remembered the script anymore the hungry like God damn he's he's almost like he's like he's over there okay you get to get the camera off my face and he was like I didn't know what I signed up for yeah you sure didn't he's like he had my man had this look on his face are you serious like what what you what you want me to say I mean there he is y'all changed the goddamn script on me my man said I got nothing when Hulk Hogan the star enters the picture things get worse because he comes in and immediately just starts breaking and tearing up stuff and when he does that when he starts breaking everything that's when you get to see just how cheap these sets are [Music] and I'm looking at this I'm like is this a is this a Nickelodeon show yeah it looks cheap and that's that's what I kept thinking it's like one of those Disney Channel movie shows yeah the guy that you saw that was that was speechless as you see he's the president of what I don't know the Galaxy or something anyway this villain has caught him and Hulk Hogan's character has been sent there to rescue him and I have to I have to say I respect the movie for doing this because Hulk Hogan's supposed to be there to rescue the guy and it turns out Hulk Hogan's not even the real hero here he's not a hero at all in fact the president who's being held captive right now he says you know I saved myself [Music] what's his hand off man was that an envelope he threw that's what I was wondering because he's like okay is that that's the most extreme paper cut I've ever seen in my life I was wondering why why Hulk Hogan is even here then because not only did he not say the president but when the [ __ ] really went down when uh like when the president was in real trouble ran off [Music] bye now hey all you see at the bottom of the big ass feet right here yeah he said the hell with this but uh more Styrofoam in his defense he told the president several times run the president could see the guy was changing into a monster he just sat there looking at him with that same blank look he had earlier big ass could have helped him but he said you know he just said I'm out he said my my mission is not to save the president my mission is to stop the the Dollar General Emperor over here so so he not only does he abandon the president but he jumps in his ship starts flying away and he says well sucks to be the president because I got to blow this [ __ ] up [Music] it kills the president hey man no I'll tell you and probably the worst offense in that whole scenario right there is Hulk Hogan and his acting you're gonna have something on your books maybe a terrorist extermination okay how about a big bug hunt with creatures that bleed acid it's like Jesus man now at this moment I'm thinking so I'm putting all this together and I'm thinking you know okay Star Wars ripoff cheap sets bad acting stupid looking henchman bad acting you know I'm thinking oh okay I get it Hulk Hogan is a is an action star in this movie and this is not a real movie that's being filmed there's a movie without a movie yeah no so yeah my last section here like actually like he's actually you know the um he's actually a guy who's filming a movie and we're going to find out that he's on a set right now somebody eventually is going to yell cut and we're gonna see that all right you know he's uh Schwarzenegger around this world all right Sylvester Stallone um but you know I'm saying wow this [ __ ] is taking a long time for somebody else and then and then I'm thinking like wow they are really dragging this joke out man I mean we're gonna get to the to the reveal you know right they're committed to the [ __ ] yeah I was like wow you know okay I get it you you can you yell cutting out we can get to the real world and then we get to the real world you can stop this now and then it quickly very quickly became obvious oh no earthlings I hate her things [Music] holy [ __ ] this is the movie This is the real the whole like oh my God this is the you mean to tell me all that is happening for real in this film right here all that cheap [ __ ] oh this crazy ass story I'm sorry I gave this movie more credit yes the movie's so bad yeah I gave him more credit than it deserves no it's on this this movie is that [ __ ] was so bad I thought this cannot be the real film right here so obviously we're in for a terrible film and judging by that rap music that they're playing if the Man in the Moon look out on this place yeah [Music] I'm watching this and it's like they go an extra measure to be terrible they do that rap song the more it goes on the worse it gets [Music] snack like even though even the rapper gave up yeah my favorite is the beginning I love that the rapper just gave no rhyme in that part no chorus he just said nah that's Hulk Hogan no yeah okay got amazing again yeah that's him but I wouldn't want to visit can you go back please yeah it's a nice place to visit okay no that's not him that's yeah that's the no that's the other rapper that's not him rapping the the but I wouldn't want to that's him doing that but the guy rapping that is not Hulk Hogan no yeah but the guy that said nah that's the rapper are you sure I am positive yeah wait so Hulk hog is the one doing the hook no sir tell me is he the one is no no no no no they just doing that part now that ain't Hulk Hogan that's a rapper yeah that's the rapper doing that I hope so sweet Jesus yeah because that's that that rap is a completely different person you know they thought they were killed in the studio too yeah oh [ __ ] yeah man the the plot for this to my surprise that is turns out that uh Hulk Hogan is a real in the movie a real space Commando he's a he's a guy that goes around saving the universe and they need him and when he kills the president his who his Superior says you know what you didn't listen you did your job you weren't there to really save the president you were there to stop the fake Emperor and listen though you probably killed the president because you need a break so just take some time off I have no other missions for you hey tell you what Earth is right right around the corner right there why don't you go there hang out get some rest and from there you can guess what we have he moves in with a Suburban family hence the name Suburban Commando and turns out that the family needs his help because well we'll get to that within the story when we start doing the uh with our start doing the review because this thing with some business in the suburbs even that is crazy this is the craziest suburb I've ever seen I would only add that it part of it is that he's stuck like he has to wait six weeks or so yeah he's charging up his ship yeah you know oh that's right yeah well he said he hates Earth things why is he on Earth yeah guess why because he has to he has to stop somewhere in some closest place I guess yeah he's he's clearly been here before because he knows most of the Customs except when he forgets yeah and that's yeah he's almost like he has a giant ass Tesla and he has to recharge yeah six weeks or something anyway I love it he can sort of figure out these Earthling Customs speaks English and everything oh yeah it looks like a human but that's every this is one of those movies where everybody in space looks like humans yeah because they can't afford for them right right except at certain points where they really really need to do it but no you're absolutely right the only time they ever did that right was uh Galaxy Quest right yeah anyway uh so once on Earth uh we meet the family that Hogan's going to end up our his actually his name is uh his name is Chef Chef Ramsay chef chef the Space Commander Chef Ramsey Shep the space Commando but we get to meet the family that he's uh that he's gonna be hanging with uh we have Christopher Lloyd and Shelley Duvall who played Charlie and Ginny Wilcox uh and he will be spending time with them for the rest of the movie now being that this is Suburbia and we have this middle class family uh they're the typical movie a sitcom middle class family mom played by uh Shelley Duvall Jenny she stays home uh you know Dad goes to work with a briefcase in one hand and wearing a suit and some random papers in the other but uh but then you got that now here's where it gets lazy because like I said they just need to just get on with things so they can help him get the Hulk Hogan doing what Hulk Hogan does and so they just put in that old tired lazy ass sitcom subplot for Dad which is got a shitty bar yeah yeah well no like the whole thing of uh ask for a raise yeah you know that's always from The Flintstones to The Jetsons to the Jets and said Bewitched to to to to to even sitcoms we have today you know there's always that episode where you're gonna hey it's today's a day you're gonna ask your boss for a raise except I don't know this guy's he has a job here where apparently asking for a raise is a fireable offense I'm serious you've gotta ask for that race oh no honey so I'm watching there and demand it I might find myself without a job you could either go ask for that raise or your wife could kill your ass Charlie get your ass [Music] I'm not asking this time I ain't gonna tell you yeah I'm telling you nothing give me my money Chef the space Commando he arrives on Earth courtesy of shitty special effects people don't even say oh well that was 1991 no that was even bad for 1991. foreign so here's where the problem with the movie comes in see the movie can't decide how alien this guy is how alien Chef is you know it's it's a fish out of water store and they can't decide how fishy he gonna be in the film because when he gets into town now when he gets when he first gets to town I get it it's a small town ain't nothing going on you know people get excited when some big crazy ass dude shows up [Music] you see it's exciting all the girls you know it's uh ain't nothing and you know these yokos don't see nothing going on in this town it's like this is like where I'm from Waco ain't [ __ ] happening over there in West Hollywood have been like yeah yeah yeah people would have taken photos with him yeah exactly some people do have reactions that get a little crazy [Music] so that dude's been looted by aliens before he ain't taking no chances right he's gonna but here's my thing locked down he's still going hey come back and fight me yes you're gonna rob me the thing is he knows enough about Earth to to do things that only experience Earth people would know how to do no he though like when he gets there oh somebody gets there first thing he does is he uh let me see here oh here oh [ __ ] wait a minute hold on I didn't I guess I did not pull this up because the clips came in late but these are Earth things that he does I'll find it here these are Earth things that he does and only earthlings would know how to do is everybody homeless yeah everybody God damn man well everybody swoopedics yeah I think she still didn't get her money back because all the kids because everybody else too well now you see now you see why broom man is acting like he is yeah I ain't taking no chances he also knows enough about Earth too not only know what a sign say an apartment for lease means even though but he knows now he knows the signs his apartment for lease and he knows how to find said apartment even though there's no address what are you talking about that's an arrow oh you know what you're right he the arrows pointing that way and guess where he goes [Music] he went that way you were right because I'm just walking in the ocean that apartment of course it belongs to uh to to Christopher to Christopher to Jen and uh and and Charlie Charlie being Christopher Lloyd uh the thing is uh that apartment used to be Charlie's Tool Shed I converted the shed into a rent [Music] people she converted that place in six hours I know she had five Mexican day workers waiting for his ass to leave and the moment he was in the car and gone she told she said get to work in six hours I gotta give her props on that hell yeah he's not to work he didn't even spend a full day at work I think he came over I think he was at work five hours I got home and his [ __ ] was gone yeah it changed yeah he came in there ready to work too it looked like an old folks on me but he came ready to work right yeah [Applause] it's a whole weird thing because she's ready to give him something he's like I I I'm not feeling it so you're like all right yeah I need to go to my shed yeah okay I know what that means you don't want this ass I'm telling you you want this ass you might want to oh that's why she's dressed like that okay yeah I guess but okay yeah you might want to get this relaxation real quick yeah let me see okay because she when he gets saying she is horny as hell man I just thought you sounded so sad on the phone and maybe you need a little compassion oh not today [Applause] I'm just not feeling at all yeah man you can't even look at him like let me just [ __ ] get off me yeah everybody right she's like oh one point giving her yeah whole fishing up his lips yeah he's looking like yeah you took my shed away I'm just not feeling it right now but uh I can kind of understand where he's coming from but we'll get into that we're getting that in a little bit but the thing is so he the this uh this apartment of course you know he goes to the apartment and they they rent it to him and so he's just spending time with the family now but this is where things get weird so he knows enough to like function with Earth when we see him at the beginning he reads signs he knows what apartment is knows what soda machines are knows how to save dogs and all kind of stuff he has Earth money I didn't even think about that oh Jesus he sure does yeah so he's got Earth Earth bucks but then he gets here and so when we need some awkward humor you know they conveniently just make him forget things man like or not not know what things are like listen I I might give him some things that he might not know I mean even people on Earth we don't know everything [ __ ] no [ __ ] mom culture dance does not know nearly half the things I probably should but the mailman he don't know what a mailman is to the point he's about to cut this man he's about to gut the mailman because he thought the mailman was an intruder see that don't make no sense to me it doesn't you know like he's so he knows what a family is he he's living with one he's living at the apartment he's got like you say he's got money and all this look this man knows what a family is but when he gets here he just starts just starts mad handling these kids these yours your hands off my children like you're too stupid to know how to handle kids like with the mailman I could probably go like all right somebody's sticking their hand in in your right in your place he's been fighting this war you know and the dude's in a uniform but but with the kids yeah like all right this doesn't make any sense don't make no sense you might not want to stick your hand through a male slot with a Vietnam vet you know what I'm saying you might get foreign [Applause] oh my God oh my God man you ain't that stupid all right I will tell you this I do like the that the movie does not have you come in you get these these subplots where he becomes really good friends with the kids and you know he plays uh you know has tea parties with the girl or yeah or uh helps her with our homework you know he goes to school and helps the kid with his bully yeah you know the kids are actually pretty non-existent in this man I just knew that that's what this was gonna be I was thinking like okay this is this is the the the earliest version of The Pacifier yeah yeah and and to see like oh they're saying that like not at all these kids are almost non-existent and when they do come in he's usually like his man you know man these kids come in they try to be a smart ass and he don't take it he don't care how old you are foreign [Music] and cut his ass [Music] you want to talk that [ __ ] meanwhile the next town over yeah exactly actually that's a scene where that's just yeah I do remember come on man I got was strong yeah again that's not even consistent berries man the answer to that how strong is he yes that's your answer the orbit and the thing is you know these these kids keep messing with him man like it like he just flung the skateboard them these kids these kids be messing with him if they keep messing with him he'll fling one of them too five kitties Now YouTube you I know y'all can never predict how YouTube's gonna feel about things even uh even a girl if she's a dummy yeah YouTube this is not real okay this is not child abuse it's a comedy I don't think half the time you're so sensitive about things right now and if it makes you feeling it better she doesn't even land on the ground Hulk Hogan catches her okay you see she's safe see she's fine look at that she's good that's a funny dummy though she's safe for now you know who that little girl is yeah that's the girl from the handmaid's tale yeah Elizabeth I'm Elizabeth Moss oh yeah she's a Madman hey look at that she even she's even polite she says thank you thanks so she's fine YouTube okay do not come in here talking about we're promoting child abuse and not coming here talking about the we are you know we're showing a uh uh uh uh uh you know bad images you know we're not doing any of that all right so please please please do not demonetize us please do not ban us because I don't know what the hell y'all want today the girl is just fine now now I can't say the same for the paper boy both are smart ass [Music] look like the tree is eating him right now not only did he uh not get not not only did he not befriend the kids and we had this real you know fake saccharine sweet subplot with them but you can get these kids and give a [ __ ] about these kids didn't care about their toys and hey animals if you want to talk [ __ ] you'll get it too okay if you're playing it they're playing somebody in a minute man but it didn't do really anyway this is the tree right there I'm sorry a stuffed animal I I will say I did laugh at that sequence he pulls the tree down so a little girl can get it okay oh yeah I mean there's no there's especially considering that it was the whole time a stuffed animal right oh it was never a real kid not even a record for him no hey Mark it was never a real girl [Laughter] he's a space Commando Martin he did warp speed to get over there and get her you don't know this suburb here is the most ghetto ass dangerous suburb I've ever seen in any movie I've never seen anything like it you can die just getting out your car oh yeah trying to go home every day Charlie Christopher Lloyd every day there's a car waiting on his ass there's a car waiting on him every day to get to just to get home and go to his front door give him having that door open and I say that they're waiting on him but that car is like Death Race 3000 man or two thousand that car is waiting on anybody anybody stepping to the street yeah but they're trying to rack up points when you not want to wreck your car I mean at least I mean you know maybe you don't care about human life or anything else in fact yeah it doesn't like once you just leave your door open and then we mess up that car They Don't Care About Doors they don't care about human life they don't care about children [ __ ] that's there there it is look at this look at this scenery they're about to mow this kid down and I know they see him yeah try to have it they try to cut to make it seem like they're talking dead hair that was Full Speed Ahead [Music] he they were trying to kill that kid yeah because that's a residential area hell yeah area so the the max speed limit is 25 miles an hour and they're going 60 at least Charlie he can't even go to his front door without the without his alcoholic neighbor messing with him weak strategy Wilcox should have opened the door a lighter Harley steals from straight is what you call an acceptable loss your Cardone is one your freedom is not and all these movies though you always have the retired military guy next door yeah like you know I guess he's living off a good pension or whatever he's always drunk yeah they had Bruce Dern and and The Burbs and you know and all those he just lived and just lived Charlie man sitting in the front yard pretty much a flower planter yeah yeah a planner yeah people yeah people driving crazy around here white trash neighbors working on the car all day his car is parked him in his front yard this man might as well live in a trailer park uh a trailer park would be so much better he's speaking truth though yeah well he is but still he's a little bit the cars you know that he's speaking truth but God damn let me get to the house first the rest of a little bit Yeah but I see your [ __ ] ass coming in every day yeah you don't ever come back go to that damn [ __ ] back there he can't even go to that anymore he ain't got nowhere to tune out the world now that's why you need some rap you put those in your ear you could tune out anything man because they're so good you know and I'm serious about these raycons you know I just got back from Turkey traveling around and you know that I travel I wear my raycons and I've been using them I wouldn't I was at a coffee shop today yeah had my Recons in I had the oh you know what and when I was going to the gym while I was in Turkey uh and in Athens I had the uh Fitness earbuds they were they lived to the name you know no matter what I was doing it never fell out my ears they fit so well so whether you're looking for some Fitness earbuds like I have everyday earbuds for everyday use they got gaming headphones and earbuds or even if you're looking for a speaker that like these earbuds here have a long battery life Ray kind of got you they got you here's the great thing about raycons I tell you man I I have had several pairs of earbuds that I've bought myself uh they've sent me these raycons and those are the ones that I use and they're my favorite ones I like I like the way they fit I like the way they sound and like I said Hey listen I'm not gonna lie to you they send them to me but I would buy them but if I were to bother them like you like if you were to buy them uh they are cheaper than most of all of those other earbuds out there and all those so-called premium audio brand earbuds that you hear about and even though the price is great raycon still wants to be flexible with how you pay so they do offer buy now pay later options and they have a very easy and free return guarantee on the earbuds speaking of price I know you're interested right now but just hold on before you buy something speaking of price if you go over to buy recon.com toasted you'll get 15 off your purchase that is byracon.com toasted put that in you get 15 off the purchase of some raycon earbuds over there I want to thank raycon for sponsoring this portion of the show and as always I want to thank all of you out there for your support all right let's see where we are oh yes this dangerous ass suburb so so the suburb is crazy and it just looks like it's crazy because my man has bad neighbors has really shitty neighbors no this this this suburb by the way this white suburb it might as well be the hood because you can't don't don't go out at night if you got to get off of work you better get off the work while the sun is still up because you go out there to the parking lot to get to your car you might lose everything you might get mugged foreign [Music] [Laughter] I mean I don't know maybe it's the opioid pandemic I don't know but that man living the bird like she is started mugging her man and I'm gonna tell you something she got off easy cause uh if she had been in some other place at the wrong time she might have got raped there's a bunch of rapists out there too and this is supposed to be a kid's film I mean this this this is this is scary you know that's what this woman's crying for helping these guys like come on yeah yeah sniffing her neck and everything I guess he's supposed to be a hooker no no she's she's no she's a housewife oh look at the boot oh she's a working woman yeah she I'm telling the suburbs man okay I mean but I don't know it's a Geto ass suburbs I don't know I don't know man but I will tell you this but look what it is yeah this is this is no this is uh this is the the broken down Factory likes right there right in the middle of the suburbs where uh Shep AKA Hulk Hogan is high this ship oh okay now we'll tell you the cool thing about these rapists if there's any cool thing about them there and there is something cool about these rapists is that they are easy to take down they extremely weak you have Charlie he found he found ships uh Hideaway and he found his Nintendo power glove in his armor yeah and so he put it on when he put it on he decided what [ __ ] you know I got now I got the power I might as well be a superhero too and fortunately he's there to save this poor woman from being raped but as I said they're very easily taken down [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] through this whole movie Nobody Falls yeah no no everybody just lays down and goes oh every seat yes I'm gonna do it he was going to sleep it looked like he was going to bed though I thought it was missing was a pillow and some covers [Music] I guess the stunt man was off that day I was like he hit me yeah this [ __ ] I ain't about to hurt myself you better film from another angle I get a stunt man out here get a dummy or something cause I'm gonna lay that like I'm taking a nap right now my man wouldn't that easy my man took he rolled he didn't slow too hold on the ground [Music] and went slowly down to one knee and then rolled over the other one don't even do that last roll man that's what the horses because he went like this then went I'm surprised he didn't put he was getting comfortable I'm surprised he didn't put a little broom on his way down and dust out there lay down a nap uh if you take these people down in particular those two you better you better keep them down or you better kill them take make sure they stay in jail because they they will strike again these two dudes are probably responsible for half the crimes in this town because later in the movie there's a there's a bank robbery that happens and guess who's behind them [Music] oh why didn't Santiago why didn't Santiago strike again yeah [ __ ] yeah it's probably about a whole lady that's flipped open we got that got that um that that old Lex lutho music music oh yeah that's that's that's yeah what's his name oh God yeah oh now Ned baby Ned baby music yeah and in Santiago he's still doing his own he's still he's still doing his own tired ass stunts when I'm the one that figuring out how the thing works and I'm gonna oh [ __ ] you didn't say he'd be here [Applause] he still got his tired ass stunts now [Music] I like the way why they attack like a muppet I think he actually used a stunt man if it's on the other right there and he actually rolled he said yeah he sure did well I can tell you why they certainly did bring his stuff man because it looked nothing like her right look he went from uh that went from a a 60 year old homeless white man to this hamster oh my God [Music] why they lost he lost 50 pounds that's about 30 years old white boy exactly Hulk Hogan said pick me up anytime yeah it's almost like Hulk Hogan start to attack and why did they say hey yeah oh [Laughter] hey lady with a thud yeah he did he was like I feel like the desk was supposed to collapse yeah yeah okay now not only is this is this this suburb dangerous it's just weird you know in addition to muggers robbers rapists it's probably the most terrifying of them all they got mimes [Music] just moms hanging out in the middle of the night in the suburbs man that's what that's what got me okay of mine man you gotta you got a mime gag you want to do that's fine but why would a mind be in a in a deserted Alleyway like not even on the street where he can make money to make money yeah you know or you put it that way a mom hanging out in the middle of the night in the middle of the suburbs where he ain't nobody there to give him money you say why is he there to get his ass whooped cease acting crazier than you you need to stop voicemail yeah when this big dude comes up he tries to be part of the ACT that's what you should stop I'll break you out of there that's what you get and the funny thing about this mine he don't learn that should have been the thing to tell him keep your ass inside at night but no not him [Music] yeah I'm gonna help you yeah now you want to talk no it's too late for that glad I could help again I'm standing nights at the first place yeah that's it I'm staying nice but there's these these Looney Tune gags with the minds exactly nothing to do with anything that's going on so many running gags all right yeah you're right Looney Tunes straight no straight up to Wally coyote [ __ ] that goes over there yeah I mean it really does come down and we don't put these in here we don't have a long enough running time for it to be in a theater and this as you can see with between the the rapists and the mimes this has probably got to be the most dangerous neighborhood this most dangerous suburb no the most dangerous neighborhood this beats the hood the ghetto-headed thing trailer parks all that [ __ ] this has got to be one of the most dangerous places in America and yet kids wander around at night with no parents foreign it's just a random arcade the middle of the night with with kids in there all of them bunch of kids in there completely unsupervised the running gag in there with my man stopping at the stoplight did you get that I did not this is especially with with the resolution to it it was like uh uh this is running gag with Christopher Lloyd as as uh Charlie and he he gets lined up with all these other old people like they're racing or something and now racing against this this stoplight but I don't get it [Applause] all these older people do there is a plot no some resemblance of applaud in here you know what there's a get them kick in until like all this other crazy [ __ ] is done like it don't kick into about 30 minutes before the movie's finish yeah it's like an hour has gone by of just random stuff in 30 minutes like oh yeah we should be telling some kind of story so oh this is what we're really here for what all right yeah some something something resembling a plot kicks in around an hour in uh so they got these uh bounty hunters that are in there to stop uh Shep and they will destroy I don't know they're gonna destroy the Earth or something they can't get them a demonstrate anything in that path I don't I don't know yeah I don't know one one of them is uh what I know is is that one of them is played by another wrestler The Undertaker you're just tired here's our man I'm trying to get a lock on him now look at this old theme park yeah I know it's a theme park wanted posted Six Flags but yeah this thing look like somebody coloring book right here they could not do less work on that one abuse yeah Jesus you're right it looks like it comes up so it does and these bounty hunters so here's the the undertaking the other guy and that's all they do man that's all through the movie they don't do they don't do anything they they walk around mean mugging and they then every now and they start to just kind of glance at each other and they got you know gadgets too big guys one that played every big guy in the 90s yeah he was in Mr Destiny and oh there's lots of other movies where you know the cooler so this is where the movie just gets weird because this is where it really does turn into a cartoon no I mean seriously you know what I'm saying like all of this is cartoon gags like uh this is really this is stuff you see you know we keep saying this but Looney Tunes you know uh uh which means when they start doing these gags it just means that they concentrate more on the gags and then the action because they really got that much money to do anything so that just means that these bounty hunters suck [ __ ] you know y'all could have shot him at any time that is a Naked Gun joke if I've ever seen oh yeah yep yeah except in a naked gun they know how to do it quickly right yeah so yeah you can kind of a chuckle out of it and go home and but nah you know they got more Looney Tune games to do right here like I said he's oh you know I got these bounty hunters in here man he gonna do [ __ ] [Music] all right get one going through the floor the other one the other one's going through here one goal one go down one got one it's like normal Desmond easy just go through the goddamn roof right right yeah but you know they dragging him across the floor yeah and just turned the camera aside oh it's true [Applause] [Laughter] that's like man look let's get this movie done with you know just just hurry up it's because they they they now they're just wasting time with jokes like this man Ramsay he's like what the [ __ ] yeah even he's like what is that called yeah like you know that's the best actor he did the whole movie sure is the the reaction shot I was like okay he does look genuinely surprised there like they didn't tell him that's what they were gonna do different somebody said must a good job really and then they find us if we're gonna be a cartoon be a cartoon then they start doing stuff straight out of cartoons like the whole shape in the in the wall gag [Applause] S I was waiting for people's arms to start stretching them but somebody get flat and pop up like an accordion get hit with an iron in the face yeah yeah well Christopher Lord comes out as his character in Roger what you got to do you got a vet a cartoon killer yeah so when the bounty hunters are gone that's when the movie brings in the the main villain that everybody forgot about Jesus yeah there's more yeah they break yeah they bring in the main villain for the climax I said I don't do goodbyes assisted Suitor with his flamboyant ass I know bro it'll be the first time we're gonna make a gay joke at the beginning I was like he's like no no no no okay save it for later I mean cape and everything oh flamboyant ass now so we finally get the main villain up in here but there's only one problem the movie says what time is it again oh [ __ ] we got about 10 minutes hurry up and wrap this [ __ ] up and then you start speeding along man they just you know so my family Opera yeah so things at this point they just happened you know that some some of the things that you expect like my man start monologuing his name is Lord Suiter or Emperor Suitor emperor in pursuiter right here so he starts he starts monologuing they they have a shootout there were many Gunnery bubbles on that ship you know there's a there's some nut grabbing that happens and that's where infra suited that's what he draw he draws a line at nut grabbing and he's like what's your number yeah and he says we used to he says I draw the line of nut grabbing man so when he's grabbing us he says you leave me no choice but to turn into a lizard man yeah you saw the hand but this time he says you know you're gonna get the full Lizard Man experience right now foreign [Music] why why he chose to do that just now why he chose to be the form of a balding middle-aged Queen you know I don't know right why they chose to stand around and watch watch yes I I don't I don't know but thankfully thankfully for Hulk Hogan AKA Shep the space Commando uh thankfully the movies run out of time so they just got to get this done so they just go ahead and just kill Lizard Man the dumbest way possible and it's funny that's a funny thing though because as a lizard man why don't you be why did you become a lizard man before because as a lizard man he's winning yes I said listen man he's got like lizard man power and he's kicking ass [Applause] now I can be free because he's like what is this man I'm not as fast I'm I'm lizard man with a fine lizard ass get your ass off man uh I better know it but like I said the movie got to get done so no matter how powerful he is or how much illicit Manpower he has yeah he got he got to go so they just go ahead and wrap it up and they they just kill him in the dumbest way possible all right he's fabulous yeah [Applause] I mean he's shocked his ass [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] box and [ __ ] yeah I mean what a fabulous they're gonna do me wrong I don't remember me yeah [ __ ] I would yeah even when I lose so somebody turn that music I might be dying but y'all can't get these moves right here do I hear a beat there I think I hear music KC in the sunshine man party yeah do you wanna go party they play it early in the movie oh okay yeah they play it like it's on the radio they listened to it earlier and then they bring it back for this well they play it up his ass called the lizard man after this that could have been yeah Shepherds can leave can finally leave Earth that he says that he hates so much even though after you charged up his space Tesla but even then he's like you know what I I got to love uh got to love Earth just a little bit so I'm gonna take myself a little souvenir souvenir alrighty T ready for blast off surely educational yeah you got the secretary of the of the company that this man don't even work at anymore but Charlie's got to look like you know she's got STD yeah I wouldn't do that about you but uh oh yo and and now that Charlie's a real man he can finally show that stop like who's who ah he's finally snapping he's about to go into the shoes but there's there's other weird things I just got to point out with this movie right here uh just weird shots again just stuff to feel time man so with doing that bank robbery what happened was uh Whitey and Santiago they found a a freeze ray that belongs to Shep and they use it to freeze people before they rob the bank but then they just start doing these weird cuts it's almost kind of creepy where they could do the weird cuts these people just Frozen as the places being as they fight man as a you know the the chef is beating ass [Music] you expect them to fall over and you know I mean like they like shatter yeah they fall into pieces and since these people are frozen they take they got one shot where they just like they just Shameless showing you how cheap this movie is I want you to look at the dogs in this scene right here these damn stuffed toys good stuff animals no that's not even like Taxidermy you could get away with it if it wasn't for those those eyes yeah those eyes are like the eyes and everything everywhere all they want so yeah googly eyes yeah yeah the the toy eyes the buttons like in the Carol Coraline or whatever yeah yeah um but you don't need the close-up if you have got a shitty prop don't put the camera right in the face of the shitty bro I put the camera right in the face right up in it look how close that is I mean you said don't do it no yeah see they got that wrong too late now I mean maybe this maybe maybe the movie meant to do that just yeah to be funny yeah and there's a gag that's a gag yeah I don't know that's part of the joke yeah you know what you made that mistake at the beginning [Music] oh [Music]

Channel: Double Toasted

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Id: KGcuGk_VeEY

Length: 60min 23sec (3623 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 11 2023