- Research has found
that couples who argue effectively are more likely
to have a happy relationship than those who sweep difficult
issues under the rug. Now, we actually have a married couple who's struggling with how to strike the right balance with their arguments. Let's say hello to Catarah and Carlos. (applause) Oh okay good. Catarah, tell us what
your main concern is. - My main concern is that
I don't like confrontation and my husband is ready
to jump on it real fast. And that's where we find that
we can't strike the balance is because he's ready to go for it, he has a lot of opinions, he's
very direct, and I'm like, I don't want to talk about it right now because that's just, I'm not feeling it, my feelings hurt. I'm very defensive when it comes to I think a strong
conversation though helps. I think strong, I don't like to say argue, but a strong conversation. My mother, when me and
my sister was growing up- - Hold on, hold on, let
me ask you a question. - [Carlos] Yes, sir. - What's the difference
between an argument and a strong conversation? - Absolutely nothing.
- Just a nicer way to say it. - It's just a nicer way to say it. - Oh, ain't no difference? It just sound better on TV? Oh okay. (laughter and applause) - This sounds really
similar to my marriage. I'm just like, I don't
wanna talk about it, you know like leave me alone and my husband is like
tapping me on the shoulder like let's fix it. He's like Mr. Fix It all the time. I think for me and maybe
what you need to allow her to do is to just
step away for a minute, and I don't even mean like a day, I don't even mean an hour. Thirty minutes outside to let me realize all the different
emotions that I'm feeling and how to digest those and then that I also love you, I want it to work, I want to work it out and that I can go in with a clear
mind and a clear head so that you don't get Kim the Volcano. (applause) - [Tamar] But I do
think it's about timing. - I think she just need to go on and jump on in and have the confrontation. - But she's not comfortable with it. - But she gonna have to get comfortable, because I'll tell you why. Fight well, you'll love hard. - [Tamar] That's true. - My parents have been married. (applause)
- [Tamar] That's true. My parents used to argue
all the time, Steve. To the point, I thought, Tamar, they were going to get divorced. - I couldn't, I can't. - Fifty-three years, they're still married and everybody else who swept
everything under the rug are no longer married. So I say this, the best
time to handle a problem is when the problem rises up. (applause)
I know it's hard for you, but I think if you face it, you will be surprised and
the making up is so good. - Yeah, but you can't tell people that. When the problem happens
is when you should have the conversation, no. Because somebody like
me is having an argument in the restaurant, what's going on? What you talking about, why you do that? Like, I'm just being honest.
- I didn't say the restaurant! - Well wherever we are, wherever we are. And I used to do that and that's not good. It's not, no.
- But you argue well. There's a way to argue, I'm not talking about. - It's a way to talk. It's a way to talk to your mate. You don't have to have every time you talk it's an argument
- [Steve] That's right. - Well I ain't doing this, what's wrong with you, nothing. - Because, I'm going
to tell you something, fighting is not healthy.
- [Tamar] No it's not. - There's no such thing
as a healthy fight. Now I'm not saying that
you have to be physical for an argument to do damage. You can hurt a person with words. My opinion in this thing is that brother, I think it's something wrong with you. See, everybody keep trying
to talk this woman up. Get in there, be more direct. Hold up partner! You just pushing for arguments? Are you that crazy? (applause) It does not make sense for
a man to come in the house and start a fire at his house!
