(haunting music) - Hello again, it's me your favorite person
in the whole wide world, Bailey Sarian. And I like to welcome you to my study. Well, actually to my
podcast, Dark History, but it's in my study. It's cute, isn't it? If you're watching this over on YouTube, it's really cute. If you're listening to this, just believe me, it's really cute. This is a chance to tell
the story like it is and you know, to share
the history of stuff we would never think about. So just sit back, relax, and let's talk about that hot, juicy gos, history gos. So today's story is absolutely
wild, I'm not even kidding. I say that about every episode, but look, let me tell you how I got here. You know when you're desperate
for a snack at 2:00 AM. So you're like half awake and you do that walk of
shame to the kitchen, freaking hit your toe
on the end of the bed. Like it hurts, you know. Probably broke your toe, but eventually you make
it is what I'm getting at. And then you reach your hand
to the back of the pantry. For me, I grab the box of Graham crackers, 'cause they're always there. I have Graham crackers in my cupboard for some reason. I don't know why. I don't know how they got there. So I checked the Graham crackers. See if they're still good to
eat, then I'll like, you know, I honestly don't care. I just wanna snack. Graham crackers. Hell yeah. Carry that back to my bed. Take some little, little bites out of my, I eat the whole box to be
honest, or whatever's left, crumbs all over the bed. Yeah, I'm that person. Crumbs in my bed. I'm sorry about it. In the morning, you're
like, was it all worth it? Absolutely. It was worth it. That was me. That's me every weekend. While dusting off all
the crumbs on the sheets, it got, it got me thinking. Does anyone else eat Graham crackers or is it just me whose life is a mess? I'm literally just eating
Graham crackers at 2:00 AM. No kind of topping or anything. They're stale. They're not even good. Is this my life? It is. And I'm just looking at the
box trying to figure out what do people actually
do with Graham crackers besides use 'em for s'mores? Like how did we get the Graham cracker? I'm a very curious person,
I'm sure you're aware. Who made them? I don't know. Well, I got to Googling. It turns out they're
actually named after a man named, drum roll please, Sylvester Graham. Wow, shocker. What's even more shocking is that they were invented
with a very specific and interesting purpose in mind. Oh yes, the Graham cracker was made to stop people from masturbating. Yep, you heard that correctly. You probably weren't
expecting that one, were you. Instead of that, you'd be like, you know, with a Graham cracker. So get your hands outta your pants and let's get to know the
inventor of the Graham cracker, the one, the only Mr. Sylvester Graham. I have my dark history book open to the Graham cracker stops
you from masturbating chapter, very specific, but it's in here and we're gonna learn about this. You ready? Great. Cause it's wild. Sylvester Graham was born
in Suffield, Connecticut on July 5th, 1794. And compared to everyone else around him, Graham had a pretty sad childhood, okay. His dad and his brother died
when he was just a baby. And then a few years later, his mother had a mental breakdown and was hauled off to an asylum where she would end up
spending the rest of her life. I guess she died in the asylum. They thought she was crazy. I don't know. Couldn't find that much
information about it, but sad. So from an early age, Graham was pretty much all alone and with no other choice, Graham went to work at his uncle's farm and it's like, yay, you
know, he's got family now, everything, everything's gonna be okay. Of course not. You know, no. You see Graham had an awful immune system and he was that kid that was always getting sick. So he spends most of a
childhood sick and on a farm. Then when his teen years roll around, he leaves the farm and moves
to New York for school. While there he works two jobs. So by day he's working as a paper maker, shout out to Dunder Mifflin. And then by night he's
working at the town tavern. So he's working two jobs
and going through puberty. Good for him I guess. But while working at the tavern, Graham starts to notice
that the local patrons would come in one way, AKA sober, and then he would watch
them getting further sloshed by the hour and end up acting like complete fools. If you've ever worked at a bar or you have an alcoholic family member, you know exactly what I'm talking about. That's mean, but it's
the truth because look, I worked as a bartender one time for a small minute because I realized wasn't for me. But you watch people come in, they're sober, they've got
manners, they're respectful. And then you just watch them go down. It's wild. It's difficult. It's a hard job. Being around all of that made Graham completely swear off alcohol
and drinking in general because if it made people act like that, you were never gonna catch Graham, even touching the devil's whiskey. And this realization becomes very important to Graham's future. So put that away in a box for now and then we'll pull it out later. He doesn't like alcohol and
he doesn't like drunk people. Noted. But back to Graham. His New York life comes to a halt when he's diagnosed with tuberculosis, which if you don't know is an infection that could destroy your lungs. TB came in and just ruined Graham's life. He had to drop out of his school and move back to his uncle's
farm to focus on his health and he's sick all the
time and he hates it. And he's wondering why him, why do I have to be the
sick one all the time. So 10 long years go by and Graham starts to see
life completely different. This is important to know because Graham's health is
literally the foundation for all of what happens. So over time he is taking
care of his health. He's starting to get better. And he decides, hey, I wanna do what my grandpa and my dad did. I wanna follow in the family's footsteps. Grandma is like, I'm going
to become a preacher, just like his father and his grandfather. And he goes for it. He gets into one of the best
religious schools around. He, he's excited, new school, new goal, new Graham. Yay. But at this new school, Graham did not have a good time. He was experiencing the worst bullying. Many of them thought that Graham's beliefs and his interpretation
of the Bible and religion were just a lot. It was a lot, okay. They thought he was somewhat annoying. Nobody seemed to like Graham and eventually he left school. Yeah. Seems like every time he gets up, gets an idea, has a passion in life, he gets right kicked back down again. Poor guy. So being bullied out of school would lead Graham to a full
blown nervous breakdown. So he ends up moving to Rhode Island where he meets his future wife, Sarah, and she nurses him back to health. I mean, he didn't have
any family to go to. So this was, this was different. It was kind. Somebody was actually wanting to take care of him for the first time. And it would not take long until
the two would fall in love. In 1824, Graham's back to
feeling like himself again. And the two decide to get married. Honestly, there's stories
like a cute little RomCom that I definitely watch. I'd watch it. It's cute. She nurses and back to health. Once Graham was better, Sarah encouraged her husband to get back out there and try again. She had a little money to her name and she used that towards
funding his new purpose in life, which was now being a traveling preacher. Ah yes. So he begins his journey
preaching the word of God. And Graham's timing really
couldn't have been better because people seemed to be straying
further and further away from, from God and religion. And their values seemed to
be going out the damn window. I mean, at this time, STDs were spreading in
America like wildfire. So Graham felt like maybe
he could do the Lord's work. He could save the people
from themselves, Jesus. Jesus. And let me tell you, he was kind of onto something. And I know you're probably like Bailey, I thought this story was
about Graham crackers. Like why are you talking about a preacher? Yeah, you're right. But I promise it's all gonna make sense. And we'll get to the Graham
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sponsoring this episode. Picture this in your mind. We're in America in the 1800s. I'm sure you can imagine
what that looks like. But let me tell you life
in the 1800s was no picnic. Oh no it was not. Women are wearing all these
hot layers of clothes. Nobody's showering. Things were moist, real moist. So not only was everyone stinky as hell, but germs, they weren't
even in invented yet and everybody was getting sick. And what I mean by that
is that germs are real but the people at this time didn't know that germs was a thing. Doctors haven't put a name to it just yet. So it wasn't invented. You get it. Anyways, at this time
everybody's getting sick because nobody understands
the logic of germs. Not even doctors
understood how germs worked or how they spread. If you were sick with anything, like let's say you had a fever, they would do something
called blood letting. And it's basically exactly
what it sounds like. They cut your arm open and let you bleed your
infected blood into a bucket and turns out surprise surprise, this method was not very effective. Did not work, na na. But that's how they would heal you. That was like the Tylenol, cutting yourself and
bleeding into a bucket. America. Now on one side, you had doctors with their
not so great medicine. And then on the other side, you had religious people and their own beliefs and views as to how to handle sicknesses. So they weren't going to
the doctor to bleed out, which good since we know it doesn't work. But if they weren't turning to doctors, who were they turning to? God. They were turning to God for help. They believed that the reason behind all this sickness and suffering was a moral thing. Oh yeah. They thought that all this bad
stuff was happening to them because they were being
immoral in the eyes of God. And our boy Graham, he
fricking loved that shit. This was right up his alley. That's exactly what he believed. So Graham is out there doing
his traveling preaching and his big hook was like no more alcohol, which was easy because there was actually already a big push at the
time to get booze banned. So Graham is on the road and he's been on the road
for a while at this point, telling people not to drink booze, but something just wasn't clicking. And that's when Graham
starts preaching that booze was destroying not only people's
health and personalities, but their families as well. So Graham started preaching
directly to people, especially women, and after all, I mean, they're the ones dealing
with their booze bag husbands while trying to run the household. I mean, look at Paul over here, dead beat. He does nothing, you know. He just takes all the credit, whatever. And I'm the one over here
trying to like do shit. Okay, so this is when people
really start to like Graham, 'cause he seemed like
a normal everyday guy that you could completely trust. And that is where Graham succeeded by talking to people on their level. Finally, regular, the common folk felt like they were being heard and seen. And while he's starting
to gain an audience, Graham has his light bulb moment. Ding. He realizes that people's
health, religion, and perhaps maybe their lifestyle could all be connected and that a healthy diet may keep you away from Satan's temptation, therefore keeping you healthy. He was onto something here. This new diet sermon actually
starts to do pretty okay. Graham really starts to get
attention from his audiences and build a solid fan base. So he takes it a step further and pretty much tells them, you know how you can really like for sure get into heaven, you guys, you need to eat healthy,
exercise regularly, and most of all, no more masturbation. Now first and foremost, as I mentioned, his audience were mainly made up of women. Women loved Graham. So Graham is traveling the country, talking to groups of women about sex, which at this time was a very bold move. But what was so shocking was
that Graham did not hold back when it came to preaching
his views about sex. Again, this is a time when you literally
didn't even say the word like booby out in public. No you did not just say booby. Sent her to the island. Get rid of her. You'd be shunned. Game over. Graham didn't care. He was like, yeah, booby,
titty, vagina, sex. Like he was going off. Graham even would preach to married people that they should only be
having sex once a month. This was because Graham believed
that too much sex was a sin that could leave you vulnerable to Satan's grasp. But sex wasn't the only thing off limits. I mean, there was something way worse than having too much sex. Something he called the
sin of self pollution. I love that. I want that on his shirt. Sin of self pollution. What a name! What does that even mean? It's what Graham called masturbation. Yeah, the sin of self pollution. Graham knew that the most important thing about masturbation, you
can't spell it without you. You little sinner you. Now Graham's logic behind
the anti masturbation crusade was that masturbation caused
inflammation within the body, which opened the door for
a bunch of other illnesses like heart disease,
epilepsy, or even insanity. On top of that, Graham believed this was the
most dangerous sin of all because masturbation could
happen anywhere, anytime. Like it was some creature
lurking in the shadows watching you take off your pants. Take off your pants. If you have a cell
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while we were gone, did you? Good. A plus. Remember Jesus is always watching. So Graham was telling people
to stop whacking their willies and he had to have a good solution, right? You bet your titties he did. Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've been
waiting so patiently for. Please welcome to the stage,
you know her, you love her, the Graham cracker. (people applauding) I get lonely in here. I just want stuff like friends, like a Graham cracker who comes like, becomes a person and
comes and sits with me. I'm going crazy in this room you guys. Now to be fair, it was technically called
the Graham bread before, but it's technically what we
know it as a Graham cracker. So I'm just gonna call it
a Graham cracker, okay. You get it. But it's, it's technically
called Graham bread. Okay, so get to the point. How in the hell is it supposed
to stop me for masturbating? Graham, tell me about it. Well, Graham believed that only the purest of people can live a healthy, moral life and also go straight to heaven. He also believed that
you are what you eat, which very true. So in order to be pure, Graham thought you had to eat pure, pure wholesome fibers made a pure wholesome human and a one way ticket to
the Pearly white gates. And an easy way to control pure eating was to make a simple, clean food. And that's exactly what the
OG Graham crackers were. Graham's actual crackers were basically cardboard. Yeah. They were made with two ingredients. Can't fuck that one up. Graham's signature triple
washed flour and water. Yum. So delicious. Thank you, Graham. This cracker perfectly represented all strict views on religion,
alcohol and disease. It was bland. It was tasteless. It was two ingredients. Him and God. You know, these were purposely
designed to not be tasty. And there was a reason for that. The OG Graham cracker was
plain and free of seasoning, fat, flavor or anything that
might be considered indulgent. Back then, people were mostly eating lots of heavy
indulgent foods like meat, cheese, cakes, and booze. Sign me up, you know. And nobody at this time was making it the connection
between what you ate and how it may be connected
to your overall health, except for Graham. Now he was taking it a little extreme, but he was also watching all these people eat crazy heavy foods and go off and be super immoral. If you felt like shit one day, nobody made the connection, that maybe all that beer
and cake you consumed wasn't great for the body. You mean I can't make it up the steps without getting winded because
of all the butter I eat? That makes no sense. What does butter have
to do with how I feel? Like dude, people are just confused. They don't understand. So what I'm getting at is at this time, people are treating their bodies terribly, just like you on a Monday night. Don't lie. Linda, don't lie. And don't even get me started
on what people were drinking because clean drinking water at this time, hard to find. During this time, there wasn't much of a
sewage system in place and it was even worse if you
didn't live in the cities. So the drinking water may have come with a little side of feces, if you know what I'm saying. So most didn't care to drink the water because it wasn't fully safe, which then led many people
to reach for alcohol instead. Why? Because it was the only beverage that didn't have shit in it. Literally. No wonder everyone was a raging alcoholic. I mean, they were drinking
alcohol in place of water. How did they function? It seems like everybody
was just really drunk. How come we're not doing that now? Can we go back to that? Cake and alcohol actually, can we do that? Let me know. But there's something worse than all the drunken Chads, Brads and dads plaguing America in the 1830s, a disease is lurking in the shadows and it's called cholera. Oh yes baby, cholera comes to town and the people are scared. It's a deadly disease spread by contaminated water. So I bet you can guess
where maybe this is going. The sewage system that I just brought up. It's spreading big time because
of the poor sewage system. But this ends up being
a blessing in disguise for our old pal Graham and his crackers. Because people started to notice that anyone who was
following Graham's program and eating his bland crackers, they didn't seem to be getting cholera. In fact, they seemed
to be doing pretty well while everyone's getting sick around them. This was because in Graham's program, he preached that water was the only drink that God had made for man. So he suggested that the
people should filter it and drink a lot of it. So you're probably thinking, well, how the hell will people
filtering water in the 1800s? Well, that's a great question that I definitely try to look into. And they said that they had
a bunch of different ways to filter the water by
using sand or charcoal, to get all the crap out of the water. But don't ask me how they, I don't know. They just did, okay. You believe me, great. But back to Graham again. So since Graham's followers
never drank alcohol and literally only ever
drank their filtered water, they were thriving while cholera was spreading
through the nation. This was like the best PR Graham
could have ever hoped for. It was making him look real good. So this is when his popularity skyrockets. Word of mouth travels. Now they didn't know it
was just filtered water that was the key to not getting sick. The people were assuming that whatever Graham was doing all of it, it must be working. So many people adopted
Graham's lifestyle diet. And suddenly everybody
wants in on this Graham fad. I mean, he's like Jesus,
he's saving people. So we know this lifestyle
included no alcohol, purified water, the Graham crackers, and also was just really
prudish about sex. But what else did the lifestyle involve? Bailey, answer me. I will, Paul. My God calm down. Graham's followers had to
replace meat with homemade bread, fresh cow tit milk, fresh eggs and cheese, but only in moderation. You can't go off on that cheese. A big no-no were fat, sugar, meat, alcohol, tobacco, and spices, ugh, exercise, go outside and the Lord's work and don't give into any
worldly temptations. AKA anything man made. Graham's followers were
so dedicated to Graham and his lifestyle program that they actually gave
themselves a name, the fans, the Stans, a name, the Grahamites. Yeah, he had Stans. He had Stans before people had Stans. Well, people are flocking to the stores because that's where you
can get Graham's chunky, triple washed pure flour. Yeah, it's in the store. Then they would spend their whole day making tasteless Graham crackers to stay healthy and free
from temptation and sin. Great. But still there were some
people who didn't believe him, like how can eating these
dry joyless crackers stop me from wanting to get my sexual relations happening. So Graham sets out to prove his point with his own little experiment
that nobody asked for. Graham visits a very respectable, wealthy family in the area and acts like a fly on the wall. So he's just like there, he's taking notes on everyone's behavior and their everyday interactions and just observing them, the family. And Graham was just wowed by
the family's oldest daughter. She was only seven at the time, but she loved saying her prayers, eating Graham crackers and reading her Bible, even
though nobody asked her to. Like she was just a little angel. So Graham was like, wow, this family really is on the right path. Snaps for them, my work is done here. But as part of his study, he came back. He circles back years later to the same family when the little girl is now a teenager, and boy, how things changed. Graham realized that this teenager was just a full on hussy. She's flirty when guys are around. She's DTF and worst of all, she's addicted to masturbating, which my first thought was like, how does he know she's
addicted to masturbating? Were you watching or something? How do you know? I've got questions. Anyways, because of all of this, Graham is like, oh my God, something has gone horribly wrong. And he was determined to find out why she turned out the way she did. I mean, she was a pure little angel. How in the hell did she
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pointing the finger at? He has to blame someone for this. Well, it's the mother, of course. He notices that she has
been overfeeding her family with super fattening,
rich, delicious food. And this sinner, she would
even season their meat. She would serve sweet pastries. Oh my God. She would put tons of
condiments on the table. Oh no. Yeah, she did. I guess she gave her kids coffee. That's a choice, but good for her. And she even gave the teenage girl a glass of wine every so often, because as long as it's under her roof, she's okay with it. She's that mom. The cool mom. - Not like a regular mom. I'm a cool mom. - In Graham's eyes, the mom had completely
tainted her once perfect child with all these indulgent pleasures. She turned her daughter into a little pleasure seeking gremlin, leading her down a road, filled with lust and gluttony, straight into Satan's open arms. And this was all the
proof that Graham needed to add credibility to his theories. Side note, honestly, maybe this family didn't even exist. That was kind of like, maybe this was just a story he made up, but we don't know. He could have totally
made up this whole thing to help him prove his point. But all that matters is that he had this story and ran with it. So Graham starts to put
more of the responsibility on the parents to do their part within the family households. And if they questioned his ideas, they, he Graham would
point to the test family. Well look at what happened to her. She has a tramp stamp now. Do you want your child
to end up like that? I didn't think so, Barbara. So get that ketchup off the table. And this is when it seems
to get a little extreme, to say the least. Parents were encouraged to
ambush their kids' room at night and try and catch them masturbating. Yeah, awkward. Awkward for everyone, I'm sure. My God, how embarrassing, like, oh my God, mom. Come on, perv, what is this about? But the thinking behind it was that if they caught their
child with their pants down, then they could fix it. They could fix the problem. And you had to catch
'em when they're young to get rid of this bad habit. If one of the parents did actually catch their
children masturbating, doctors told the parents
that they could cure their sick, air quotes here, sick children simply by burning their clitoris or even circumcising the penis. Just a straight up DIY situation
from your loving parents. Yeah, they did that. Yeah, they sure did. So not only is there a lot of shame around masturbation in society, now people are straight
up scared to do it. But people's urges don't just go away. I mean, we're human. We have hormones. They rage, you know. But Graham was waiting in the wings with his bland, boring, not at all tempting in any way, Graham crackers. If for any reason you or your beloved one are feeling some tingles
in the lower region, don't be a whacker, just grab a cracker. That's a good one. So at this point, people are like, fine, I'll eat this damn Graham cracker if it'll make my boner go away. And honestly, maybe it worked. We don't really know. The logic here is if you're horny and you eat a Graham cracker, you'll just, you won't be horny anymore 'cause that Graham cracker was so awful. I mean, when was the last time you ate something that
tasted like cardboard and it turns you on? It kind of makes sense. I get it. I don't agree with it, but I get it, the logic. Kind of. So after preaching about his lifestyle and his cracker for so long, Graham was fully having a moment, the impact of his popularity after cholera and the family experiment meant that the Graham cracker
was suddenly everywhere. Everybody wanted a piece of it. And Graham actually was very passionate about sharing his idea with the people. After all, he was one of them. He was a man. He was a man of the people. And to show the people that, he never wanted to
charge or make any profit from his recipe or lifestyle suggestions. But Graham did find another
way to cash in on his success. In 1834, Graham decided
to go on a book tour where he could hold seminars and sermons and give
speeches all across America talking about the benefits
of making your food at home and not relying on all
the manmade conveniences coming onto the scene. Graham is making a bit more
than just money on the tour because this is when
Graham strokes his ego and gets a little
promotion, a self-promotion. So the Grahamites, the Stans, start calling him a prophet and they truly believe that Graham was here to do God's work. I mean, when you go back to his childhood and he was sick all the time and everything he cared
about, it just didn't pan out. So it got to the point where he truly felt like this was why he went
through all that suffering and sickness for the
benefit of the greater good. He's God's gift to America. This is what he believes. Don't come from me, this is what, he's like, yeah, it's me. I am a prophet. The Grahamites at this point had expanded and they're growing and spreading as fast as the herpes on the town hussy. They're reading his books, saying they're prayers, eating his crackers. It low key sounds culty, right? Manson vibes, kinda. Things are going well for Graham. Everyone's listening to him
and eating his crackers. He's feeling like a celebrity, but this isn't our first rodeo. And we know as people start to
get more money and more power that's when things take
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with me for a moment. Picture it. Stuffy, religious mid 1800s America. You take your seat in
like a fancy new theater that was just built. Maybe are already a Grahamite and you just want some tips on how to make your Graham
crackers even more cardboardy. Or maybe you're new here, and your friend, Martha from
work made you come with her 'cause she can't do
anything alone, Martha. Either way, you see this guy, Graham. He takes the stage and he
unrolls a drawing of a vagina and looks at the audience and shouts, ladies, stop masturbating. It's killing you and your family. You're probably shocked. I would be. Again at this time, people may have been
talking about masturbation in hush hush tones, but they were definitely not
shown diagrams of vaginas and definitely not publicly
accusing married women of masturbating. Oh my God, it was completely
unheard of at this time. The audience were probably
like, what in the name of God, is that a vagina? Grab me my handbag, Martha, we are getting outta here. People are just offended is
what I'm getting at, thank you. But yelling at married
women to stop masturbating wasn't the only talking point Graham was hitting on his tour. Another favorite of his was preaching about the
evil of store made bread. He's like, this is a vagina. This is your vagina on white bread. And people are like, what,
what do you mean, you know. But Graham was exposing the fact that bakers were adding copper and chalk to make their bread and
crackers look prettier, whiter and last longer it's some kind of like damn bread beauty pageant. The ingredients that were being used were ruining all the nutritional benefits you would normally get or
naturally get from homemade bread. And it sure as shit was not pure. Graham specifically
called out the city bakers and flour merchants saying that the wheat they
were using was spoiled and inferior to his flour
and his Graham crackers, which is true because they
were using unnatural shit to make this bread look
white and beautiful. What's that gonna do for you? It doesn't do nothing for you, you know. Because of all this, it starts to mess with
people's businesses, the bakers and stuff. Graham's preaching had gone
from a little lifestyle change to now like going after
big bread businesses. People stopped eating bakery bread and started distrusting their bakers. Ooh. Fighting. Side note, turns out they
still put copper in bread. I looked it up. I don't know. Are you allowed to eat this? Is that a good? Let me know. Okay, so Graham is still on tour and he does a tour stop
in Boston, you know, showing his vagina diagrams and his woo-woo books in hand, ready to call out even more bakers. But what he didn't know was
that word had been spreading, and by the time he got to Boston, he was public enemy number one. You see Boston was the
biggest maker of crackers at the time. Yeah, that's just a joke in itself. But that's funny. Literally Boston was the
biggest maker of crackers at this time. As a lot of you can guess, there's lots and lots
of angry flour merchants and bakers living in this area. And they're ready to rip into Graham because of all the business
and money he had cost them. It's not just the bakers that are angry. It's the butchers as well because Graham is very anti-meat and he had not been shy
about preaching that as well. I mean, he's messing
with the wrong people. You know, butchers, they butch for a living
with knives and stuff, and like the bakers, they use equipment. So I just feel like they'd be
a little bit like aggressive in my mind, I don't know. So there's all these pissed
off butchers and bakers running around town like
you heard of this guy. Graham, I know him. He screwed me over. And then the other guy is like, yeah, he screwed me over too. I hate Graham. And everyone's just like realizing we got all this in common. We hate Graham. We should work together and take him down. And that's what they were gonna try to do. This gang of butchers and bakers marched right down to the
hotel where Graham was staying and they're ready to seek out
revenge for the bread lost. Bread meaning money. So Boston, 1834, there's a pack of disgruntled
bakers and butchers, hootin' and hollering, screaming for Graham to
meet them by the flag pole. They're like, yo Graham, if
you real, man, come get some. So Graham notices that all
these angry butchers and bakers are yelling at him from the streets and getting all riled up and all mad. So what does Graham do? Well, he hides in the closet. He locks himself inside. He's terrified. He's not going out there. Are you crazy? I'm not trying to die. So he locks himself in his room. Many would say he was
being a little bitch, but you know, he's scared. He's terrified. Anyways, so the Grahamites
show up to the hotel as well. And these people will do
anything to defend their leader. So they climb the stairs all the way up to the top of the hotel. They end up making it
onto the roof of the hotel where they can see all the angry bakers and butchers down below. And this is where it goes from angry riot to full on chemical attack. Oh yes. You see the Grahamites, they dumped buckets of calcium hydroxide on the bakers and butchers down below. Well what's calcium
hydroxide, if you don't know. It's a full on acid. Have you ever experienced a chemical burn from the spiral perm? Yeah, that burning
sensation you're feeling is from calcium hydroxide. And if used alone in big amounts, it could fricking burn you, blind you. If you got that dumped on your face, oh baby girl, Lisa, your flesh would just melt right off. So bakers and butchers were
screaming bloody murder in the streets because the Grahamites up above are dumping buckets of this chemical down below. And now these people down
below are going freaking blind. And not only that, they're
coughing up the acid that they inhaled
because it's burning them from the inside out. It was a scene out of a
horror movie, let me tell you. Eventually the rioters backed down. And even though he and his Grahamites technically won this battle, this was very upsetting to Graham. It spooked him real good. He didn't want violence. He didn't think his
haters were gonna show up and try to kill him. I mean, he was just trying to
make people's lives better, in his eyes. You know. Bring them closer to God. Can't we all just get along? But the Boston riot would continue to bite Graham in the ass. The riots were all over the newspapers and the press was not on his side, even though he didn't even start it. Graham and his followers were
now associated with violence. So the Graham movement at
this point starts to slow down and the spotlight on Mr.
Graham starts to dim. And once the spotlight was off of him, people just kind of moved on. Graham kept going on with his preaching for as long as he could, but by 1839, he officially retires. And great timing Graham, because during the mid 1800s, this is when the world
was getting more modern, at least in America. America's growing, technology is advancing, and in the new future, religion was taking a backseat to science. Plus Graham's main audience, women, were starting to gain
their own independence. In the kitchen, they were using
new inventions like stoves, electric mixers, or what, electric mixer, can openers. Oh shit. It's the future baby. So women are spending
less time in the kitchen and doing other things with
their time going outside, flying a kite maybe, you don't now. Not just stuck at home
baking Graham crackers. Overall, what I'm getting at is women are becoming more independent. They don't need no man. They don't need to follow this man's diet. They don't need a kitchen. None of that. They don't wanna listen. No, in 1851, Graham passes away. Now I hope his pure heart took him right to his VIP suite in heaven. And this is a side note. I'm not laughing. It's just like, I want
to know how did he die? What was his life like before he died? And there's literally not that much information
out there at all. It's just kinda like,
he just, I don't know, he just dies one day. But rumor has it that Sylvester Graham, his cause of death opium enema. Opium enema. Yeah, I don't know if
he was shooting opium up the butt or what. I don't know, but you know, good for him. What a way to go. Sounds like a party in your ass. I want in. (Bailey giggling) You're probably wondering,
well, okay, Bailey, like this story has so many layers to it and so much information. I thought we were talking
about Graham crackers, right? What happened to the Graham cracker? How did it go from being gross, blah, anti masturbation bread to basically a delicious treat
at 2:00 AM in the morning with crumbs all over my bed. Well, I don't think this is
the best part of the story, but this is petty because remember those Boston bakers that Graham's followers dumped acid on? Well plot fucking twist. They banded together and continued to have each
other's backs for years. And eventually they
formed one big company. Oh, you may know this company. It's the National Biscuit Company, or maybe as you know them today, Nabisco. Hoo yeah. Whoops. Shouldn't burn those guys faces off because they got together. Coming for you, Graham. You. Years later, they roll out a certain sugary, cinnamony, rectangular cookie that looks a lot like
Graham's famous crackers. Huh? But the difference, they taste way better. Oh yeah. They're everything
Graham preached against. Indulgent. Crispy, crunchy, delicious. And if that wasn't a big
enough slap in the face, Nabisco went ahead and named
this new delicious cracker the Graham cracker. Yeah, that's right, Graham's name. Graham's name makes
Nabisco a ton of money. They even ran advertisements. Where they shit on the
original Graham cracker calling it so tasteless and uninviting that it almost required a prescription. What they're doing is they're trying to
slander Graham's name. They're just trying to
drag him through the mud. And that's how you did it. Tasteless and uninviting. Ugh, it almost requires a prescription. Those are fighting words back then. This new Nabisco Graham cracker
was everything Graham hated. Nabisco is the kind of petty queen that, honestly kind of love to see it, but, you know, it's kind
of funny, but not really. But kinda. I don't really know. (Bailey giggling) I just know I like Graham crackers. They are dedicated to the petty because they still sell this
version of the Graham cracker, which is the one we know today. The story was wild and honestly, a little all over the place, especially since this is
all about the Graham cracker and there's so much we had
to leave out of this story just because it's insane you guys. I could do a four part series
on this whole Graham guy and just everything, 'cause he essentially started this diet that we still kind of follow today. Not necessarily the
masturbation and all that, but clean eating, drinking
water, going outside, exercising, good sleep. All the basics is exactly
what Graham believed as well, plus the religious side of things. So it's like, he's kind of
the guy that started it all. Isn't it weird? It's like this one guy
who's kind of weird. We took it and ran with it, but I'm just dying to know who you thought had the wildest backstory? Popcorn or Graham crackers. Let me know down below. Look, ultimately Graham wanted
us to take care of ourselves so we could live happy,
healthy lives and go to heaven. And look, he was right about a few things. Filtered water is definitely
better for you than shit water. It literally saved the
Grahamites lives from cholera. And if you're thinking, how did anyone fall for
all of that Graham stuff? Well, just think of all
the stupid food things you've believed before. For me in middle school, everyone thought that green Skittles made your boobs bigger and the orange ones made you horny. We believe that, you know. I don't know about you guys, if you had something like
that in school, let me know. But I think the big takeaway here is that we assume food
is created to be tasty, nutritious and simply just food. When so much of it is designed to taste like cardboard and like stop you from, it always has some kind of other meaning. I've been going down so
many food rabbit holes, I think this whole season
might just be about food. (Bailey giggling) I would actually love that,
but I'm not gonna do that. But I would love that. Eat your Skittles, let your boobs grow. Eat other healthy stuff. And if you feel like it, maybe masturbate because if it makes you happy, it can't be the bad. ♪ If it makes you happy ♪ ♪ Can't be that bad ♪ I hope I win a Grammy. And look, to be honest,
after this episode, I never want to see a
Graham cracker ever again because I don't even
care if it's a s'more. And that says a lot, 'cause I love a s'more. There's just so much about Graham. Oh man, so many layers to this man. I'm exhausted of this man. In conclusion, the next time I masturbate, Graham, I'm gonna be
thinking about you, baby. Well, everyone, thank you
for learning with me today. I hope you learn something new. You'll never look at a Graham
cracker the same, right? You'll be like this used to
stop people from masturbating. And that's a fun story to
tell your friends, isn't it. Come on, we need conversation
to talk about these days. This is a good one. Remember, don't be afraid to ask questions to get the whole story because you and we all deserve that. I'd love to hear your guys'
reaction to this story. So over on social media, make sure to use the hashtag dark history so I could see what you
guys are talking about. I come and look. I see you. I see you. Join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these
episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs. And while you're there, don't forget to check out my
murder, mystery and makeup. I hope you have a wonderful day today, you make good choices, and you keep your hands out of your pants. I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye. This podcast is executive
produced by me, Bailey Sarian, Kimberly Jacobs, Dunia McNeily from 3Arts, Kevin Grosch, and Claire Turner. Big thank you to the
writers, Allyson Philobos, Joey Scavuzzo, Katie Burris, and me, Bailey Sarian, hi. Shot and edited by Tafadzwa Nemarundwe and Lily Young. Research provided by Ashley Spurgeon. A big thank you to our
expert, Adam Shprintzen, PhD. Oh, and I'm last. I'm your host, Bailey Sarian. Why am I last on the list of my show? You would think I'd be
at the top, right Paul? Oh, Joan, Joan, hey girl. You still got the vibrator, what is that? - [Producer] That's a s'more. - That's a s'more? Looks like a vibrator. - [Producer] It's on a stick. (soft music)
