Steven Seagal's The Foreigner Is The Worst Movie Since His Last Movie - Worst Movie Ever

The Foreigner is Steven Seagal's big comeback movie where he finally gave his fans what they wanted the most school girls what the fuck no God damn it you know what it's it's just complete shit starts off with Seagal watching his granddaughter change then fucks off and dies or something because she's never mentioned again Segal then goes to meet with Jeff Bezos in Paris who needs to go for one final mission I want you to pick up a package and deliver it to Germany it's a patrons address is on the back it sounds simple but it's a goal so you know it's gonna be a cluster fuck to make sure everything goes as terribly as possible they send a slightly less annoying Pete Davidson to go along with him how long ago won the costumes I'm not even going to acknowledge whatever that was that dubs the gal's voice there how long ago they go to the pickup spot to retrieve the package from these guys what is it tongues are cut out they just move on like that's normal shit and not crazy as fuck of course it's the package and why are you asking them questions when you know they can't talk I think this may be it oh my God no thick Tracy luckily Seagal stroke is interrupted by this random gunfight so golf does his trademark not looking where he's shooting move and literally kills all the bad guys on accident then after burning down this poor old lady's house he confuses the fuck out of her by asking if she'd do the same for him do that for me relax Lady it's a cigar movie they just put the lines in the wrong order okay go over to this Farmhouse with the lights right here and I'm pretty sure saying okay was supposed to be her line and not segals okay go over to this Farmhouse with the lights right here but whatever that shit happens all the time so deal with it anyways grandma and the dead body can't get fucked cause we're out on the way back while sigal's doing figure eights Pete wants to open the package you don't want to do that but Seagal knows his movies well enough to know that whatever's in there is really fucking stupid and it's better to save that disappointment for later if you touch it again I would blow your two inch dick off they confront Bezos over that whole Ambush thing three four of them and sigal shows off his ventriloquism trick talk to my friend before telling him he's never working for him again find yourself in a delivery boy he then asks Seagal to work for him again will you deliver the package does he agreed to dress and he tells him sure thing okay but first he has to make a quick stop in Poland for his dad's funeral and this guy meets him at the terminal with a very special gift badly photoshopped pictures of himself stealth is what he loves the most fangs are going great until this jackass says the most fucked up thing you will ever hear a big ear pardon oh hell no not even the cameraman can believe that vulgarity and start seizing while Segal throws him crippling him for life your pardon bitch back at his hotel room Segal discovers he's being spied on by this very covert van that's parked facing the wrong way right outside his window school girls I don't think so I'm pretty sure they're spies Bezos wants Pete to come see him my kid wants to see you right now so he kills The Messengers and then sneaks into the house and execute stuff he made for absolutely no reason Bezos tries to hire Pete for another job I have an errand in New York or anytime and I can trust but Pete Pete too again for no reason sir golf then calls the client to deliver the package hello here's your daddy are you serious I don't care that she's only five years old not knowing mommy from daddy is really God damn stupid and why can you see through her head here what the fuck is even happening now the guy who gave sigal those stupid pictures higher shaft to kill Seagal I want you to eliminate Mr cold for reasons that are never made clear we then see what Seagal's up to and this movie just took a very dark turn cool girls anyways the client's wife wants to pick up the package so Seagal sends his body double instead thank you again for meeting me Mr weather and you can't even tell it turns out the package was fake too and the real Seagal is back at his hotel waddling through the room as slowly as humanly possible when this guy magically appears right behind him he then seems to think he's in fucking snatch or something fill that sharp pain in the back of your neck instead of a cigar movie you seem to have taken an active interest in my employer where emotion and personality are frowned upon well I am or am not is inconsequential to this moment sir gal agrees to take him to the real package deception begets deception begets assassin Mr Weber if he'll just stop overacting lovely they head to the bus station and after some supersonic waddling they retrieve the package since he's a gentleman first he accompanies Segal to the bathroom which is sweet but he really needs to bring it down a notch easy what the hell does easy mean when it comes to pissing in a crazy twist the second package was also fake and a fucking bomb and Segal shows his cat-like agility as he flies through a window that he really shouldn't be able to fit through and holy fuck that is a massive explosion all it had to do was kill whoever opened it but now the entire bus station is dead shaft also just happens to stay at the exact same hotel as Seagal and does the very clever thing of checking in under Segal's name Mr cult and would you prefer two single beds or one double one double should be plenty there if you're wondering how that's supposed to work it doesn't and it's really fucking stupid now Segal decides to break into the client's home but it's fully gated with monitored surveillance and crawling with security guards armed with rifles so he shows up his incredible spy skills by having his body double climb over a waste High Gate that is completely unguarded Heathen just starts executing everyone remember these are all innocent people who are just protecting a family after massacring countless good men who are just trying to provide for their families he makes it to the wife and does the mosa golf thing possible spies on her while she takes a bath do you know who I am he then explains to her what's going on but I was hired to deliver the package to your husband not you first you could have said that in the first place and saved numerous lives second that's complete bullshit he was only given an address patrons address is on the back never a fucking name but whatever remember Pete you'll never guess where he's staying apparently it's the only hotel in all of Berlin and because everyone's just killing everyone for no fucking reason he executes the receptionist then he goes upstairs to shaft's room because he checked in his cigar for reasons that still make no sense and I swear to God everyone in this movie is so bad at what they do this guy didn't even rack around until the guy tried to kill him has two guns pointed at him and even stops to quote Dirty Harry feeling lucky this guy just did hands there through all of that instead of pulling either of the triggers and this dumb bitch gave him a single bed when he clearly asked for a double and would you prefer two single beds or one double one double shooting shotgun [Music] Then Fall and fall first from the Second Story we've definitely seen the last of him now shaft is looking for Segal's Mercedes Silver Mercedes fb5 288 that has never been seen or mentioned until right now and since the writing in this movie is fucking garbage it drives by at that exact moment [Music] but surprise it's not Segal it's someone who dresses exactly like him and who he traded cars with earlier if we played a cars it's the girl's mind trading your car for a complete stranger's rental is a totally normal thing to do since this isn't the guy he's looking for he of course fucking kills him which I completely agree with finally the police show up to arrest all of them so the mass murderers can finally stop just kidding they're completely fucking worthless all of the evidence is here except nobody I know where you could find a body in the fucking reception of the fucking fucking hotel that's right in front of you nothing ever comes of this and we never see or hear about the police again now Segal opens the real package and it's a shitty newspaper where the headline is about a plane crash but the story itself is two repeating paragraphs about the royal family I swear to God those fucking bridge will find any excuse to talk about that stupid family the rest of the world doesn't give a shit there's also some keys and an airplane black box but I'm pretty sure what they're after is that stupid newspaper or maybe this disc with silly putty on it better say that for later so the movies putting in as much effort as Seagal now and shaft is just suddenly holding go at gunpoint no setup no context one second segals on the phone and now we're here the movie also forgets that we just fucking did this and Segal's going to lead someone to the real package again they also don't show it but since she's binding her own business and not bothering anyone I'm pretty sure they killed her on their way out at this point the movie just keeps repeating itself so I'm going to speed through it as fast as I can this whole thing was obviously a setup and after slapping the shit out of him like a 14 year old girl yes that whole fight scene was the same double chop move played multiple times so he grabs the putty disc and either throws it so hard that it goes right through his stomach or he fucking ate it but either way it's inside his body and explodes with so much force that he actually turns white Then Pete shows up again old friend and he's immediately taken out again right as the god leaves the CIA shows up and blows up the abandoned building why they do that is never explained I'm guessing they had a shot of this explosion and couldn't figure out how to work it in now we get to find out why the package is so important I know what they did and I know why they did it her husband and picture guy were up to some shady she had an affair with this guy who is on his way to expose it but they blew up his plane before he could the package is a part of that evidence along with the keys to all sorts of incriminating documents it's really impressive how he was able to put together those newspaper clippings and black box of a plane crash that he died in I said I'm speeding through this so let's just move on in the middle of all of this he makes time to go to Poland again to have dinner with his brother but they spot the CIA and with the walls closing in on them they do some Jason bourge by just getting up and walking out we lost them now we find out the real reason he was released from Soviet prison are you trying to negotiate your way out by giving up Dad's name of the fucking KGB if you're confused that's because literally none of this has ever been mentioned at any point tell me what happened he never actually answers and I'm moving on Seagal confronts picture guy and even though he kills him [Music] it's not before we get some more really confusing shit you really think after 16 years that little episode will come home to roost would mean she was having an affair at like 12 years old you know what Pete is back again and since they haven't killed any innocent people recently they're starting to get urges what are you gonna do pull the trigger so they decide to team up there's an army of them in there it's impossible to get in alone remember that part of the gate that was really easy to climb over and led to the deaths of the entire staff well there's still nobody guarding it and they hop right over now they're in position but Pete doesn't want to take the shots probably because this stupid rope is blocking the fucking scope but Seagal doesn't look where he's shooting anyways so he was born for this foreign takes out all the guards with no problem and even has time to re-tie the Rope between shots when they're done fulfilling their bloodlust they go inside and in a shocking twist oh fucking Swami shirt so Seagal's voice double says some stupid shit that wasn't very nice but then again one could turn deserves another and shoots him right in the Kevlar vest and I'm sure we won't see him again we finally meet the husband who actually wants to see Seagal it's a pleasure to meet you finally which means all he had to do was Ring the fucking Bell but then again fuck this guy and whatever the fuck kind of mustache that is something as terrible as that he says his wife is a liar she is a deeply troubled woman but we all stopped caring a long time ago and just want this to end then in a shocking twist Pete's back and kills the husband the wife found the documents that will expose her husband and picture guy but they're both fucking dead so why is this still happening the only thing that makes sense is the god wanted to show everyone how he can shoot a shotgun without even touching the trigger that makes him so happy he actually starts to frolic and the final fuck you of this movie is Pete is back again it was the least I could do they fight and I have no idea what's even happening before said go gives him a judo chop and the scene just ends the white left him a note but you know what I don't fucking care the movie's over go fuck yourself

Channel: Space Ice

Views: 1,836,563

Keywords: steven seagal, stephen seagal, steven seagal movie, bad movies, terrible steven seagal, seagal worst movie, steven seagal movie review, worst movie ever made, space ice, bad steven seagal, the foreigner, the foreigner movie, the foreigner 2003, steven seagal movies

Id: 28hYjVwdRq4

Length: 20min 44sec (1244 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 22 2022