- You just celebrated--
you and Nancy celebrated your 20 year wedding
anniversary... - We did, yeah.
- Which is a big deal. - Yeah. - And you met working on
"The Daily Show." No, you didn't, you met--
- Second City, yeah. - Yeah.
So, and how did you-- did you have a pick-up line,
or how did you-- - We were terrible.
We-- she used to work--
I worked at Second City. She was taking classes there,
but she worked as a bartender across the street,
and I used to go in after shows and, you know,
try to strike up a conversation. We were both very, very timid,
sort of nervous, shy people around each other,
and the conversation would go something, like,
"Hey, you know, "if I were ever to ask
a woman out, it would be someone
like you, exactly like you." And she'd say, "If a guy like
you were ever to ask a woman like me out,
I would definitely do that." But this went on
for weeks. It didn't--
and other people at the bar must have been, like,
"Just do it. Put us all out
of our misery." And finally, we-- finally,
we did, and it was great. - Finally--like, who was the
person who made the actual statement of, "It is you,
not someone like you." I think I actually said, "So you want to go out?" I mean, it's--
I ac-- when you--I was watching
your segment before. I actually got on the phone, and I remember the first girl
I ever asked out on a date, a girl named Lisa Miller.
I was in eighth grade. And all my buddies
on the hockey team said, "You gotta do it.
You gotta--we're gonna-- "there's, like, five of us
going out with our girlfriends, "and we're all gonna go
to a movie. "You gotta ask Lisa. Everybody says
that she likes you." I'm, like, "Really?
Okay." And I was so nervous. And I got on the phone
and her dad picked up. "Hi, this is Steve Carell."
You know, I tried to-- you know, I was polite.
"Is Lisa there?" She got on the phone,
"Lisa, would you like to go to the movie?
A group is going on Friday." And she just said,
"No, I don't." No excuse, nothing. Just like, " I really
don't want to do that." And I never asked another girl
out on a date. Like, I never--
I know, sad. But I never did. I never had the guts
to actually call a girl on the phone after that.
Texting would be fantastic. - Yeah.
- Like, "Are you go to the date?" "Yes, I are--"
Like, you know. It's so easy. - You became a caveman
just now. - That's why she didn't
go out with me. - 'Cause you don't have to
make those sounds when you're texting.
You can-- - Really?
- No. - That's not what-- - There's no need
to make noises. - I thought it was--I thought
it was voice activated. - It's no--well,
there's that, too. - Oh, okay.
I'm not tech savvy. - No.
But isn't Lisa sad now? - I don't know.
- But that's Lisa's loss. No, she's sad.
She's looking at this going, "Ugh.
I could have been Nancy." I learned today that you own
a general store. - Yeah.
- In Massachusetts. - We do, yeah.
- What area? - It's on the south shore. It's in a little town
called Marshfield, and it's the Marshfield Hills
General Store, and my sister-in-law
runs it. We bought it, boy,
about eight years ago. - I love that you own
a general store. - Yeah, there--
yeah, that's it. - What do you sell there? - We sell--
go in in the morning-- - No one's there.
It's empty. I mean, it's not doing well,
Steve. - It's not going very well.
- No. Maybe that's why I have to talk
about it right now. Please go to his store. - I'm so glad
you brought it up. It's--you know,
we sell penny candy and muffins and coffee
and little items and, you know,
I think it's nice. - How in the red are you? - Marshfield Hills
General Store. - You know what,
we'll let you do a commercial backstage
and we'll air it every once in a while. - Thank you.
- Okay.
