Status: How to Win by being a Pathetic Loser

in this video you're going to learn about status and how to change it to get what you want in the movie the godfather this undertaker visits don corleone to offer him money for revenge on the man who beat up his daughter at first the dawn refuses anger to be treated like a gangster that i cannot do how much shall i pay you what have i ever done to make you take me service respectfully so sensing this the undertaker bows kisses his hand and asks for his friendship instead be my friend the don seems pleased and changes his mind simply lowering his status let the undertaker get his way but why surely real life is more complicated than this or is it a friend of mine had some really interesting ideas on this topic so i invited him to do a guest post london 1963 this is keith johnstone he was trying to teach improvisation at the royal court theatre but something wasn't working paraphrasing his book in pro my students couldn't produce natural conversations like those i ever heard in the street if casual interactions really were motiveless and operated by chance why was it impossible to reproduce them at the studio pondering this at the theater one evening he noticed the actors on stage seemed to have the strongest possible motives for everything they did but this looked unnatural too so johnston decided to try asking the opposite what were the weakest possible motives a person might have the next day he paired up his actors with an improvisation exercise as you're acting try to get your sense of status just above or below your partners but the gap should be minimal the student seemed to know exactly what i meant the scenes suddenly became authentic and marvelously observant we saw that every inflection and movement implies a status and that nothing is neutral due to chance or actually motiveless it was hysterically funny but also very alarming all our secret maneuverings were exposed so i called it status which means not your social status but what you do to the other person and by accident i found that you could teach it to people trying to be slightly higher or lower than the other person looks like human behavior we're always secretly maneuvering the voice in the head is all about other people's opinion of you and how can you get more credit for something how can you make people like you this ghastly voice that you think is you but the obvious is very difficult to grasp based on how our body chemistry has evolved we can assume that noticing who around us is gaining or losing status has survival benefits but more on this later generally we're good at reading each other's status and a lot of entertainment from comedy to sports works because subtle changes in status are very fun to watch for example a stand-up comedian usually lowers his or other status to make a joke one time i threw a candy wrapper on the street i didn't do it like yeah i just i did it because i was you know like shaking i wanted the candy although it's nice when people lower their status in front of us we also want them to look happy so we don't feel too guilty about it maybe this is why at my job in food service i was trained to smile especially politely to the most unreasonable customers 16 just plain patties by itself it's awkward to be around someone who seems deluded or just can't adjust their status to the occasion the office turned this into comedy david brent believing being the boss gives him high status but what he doesn't realize is that being a buffoon is a much bigger part of the overall equation if people are in positions of authority it's cathartic to see them made fun of but if we think that low status we call it bullying no one would assume that the type of person who would enjoy watching a teenager being murdered but game of thrones was so well written that millions of people did hurry up this play is dry johnston writes we experience a tremendous build up and finally a release of tension whenever we see a high status character ousted from the group everyone watching feels pleasure because they're moving up a step but it's necessary for them to remain high until the last moment for the effect to work in season 8 episode 18 of the simpsons the new police chief the annoying and bossy rex banner ousts chief wiggum to enforce an unpopular alcohol ban in springfield homer lets himself get caught so that wigham can return but unfortunately it's revealed that homer will be catapulted as punishment at the last minute the office has instead fling rex banner out of town just while he's standing tall and proud delivering a speech on the importance of respecting the law this wouldn't have been as satisfying or funny if rex banner had first fallen to his knees apologized to chief wiggum and beg the townspeople for forgiveness but it's not just about seeing high status people fall it works the other way too who doesn't love seeing an underdog beat the favorite so long as status is being modified the audience stays captivated while it might be fun to see your boss or some high status person you hate poisoned or catapulted there are less medieval ways to lower someone's status you could start some gossip behind their back or try to get them cancelled online for similarly status lowering effects with less cleaning up status and territory are connected we have status relationships to objects and places as well as people just imagine how you'd relax on your own couch at home versus how you sit when you're a guest on his blog melting asphalt kevin simler writes the higher your social status the more personal space you tend to control this is what makes houses on hills desirable to be high status is not just to have a good view but to choose when and how far we let others into our vicinity but territory is more elastic than it sometimes seems on an empty beach the first group to arrive could sit anywhere but they'll usually pick a spot about a third of the way back the second group will stake out their territory away from the first group they can't sit too close or they'd cause alarm or have to make friends but as the beach fills up people are fine sitting close to each other because our demands for space shrink as more people are added if two strangers approach on an empty narrow pavement one of them has to move aside and this decision will get made long before it needs to the two people scan each other for status and the lower one steps aside even if they both move the position nearest the wall is actually the strongest if both believe themselves to be dominant or they aren't paying attention they'll approach until they stop face to face and do this little sideways dance johnston recalls i remember doing it in a shop doorway with a man who took me by the upper arms and gently moved me out of his path it's still rankles old people who cling to the status they once had would walk along the street hugging the wall and pretending not to see anyone who approaches them so outside of the keith johnston class why isn't status taught we have a lot of generic advice like be nice be alpha or treat others as you'd like to be treated maybe it's because status is so nuanced hard to put into words but at the same time kind of obvious i mean are you going to ask a shopkeeper for a pack of chewing gum exactly the same way you'd ask for a job status to humans is like water to fish fish are unaware of water but they don't need to be from birth they automatically interact with it without being taught how in fact animals have rank 2. in 1922 a norwegian researcher called sheldrup ebay coined the term pecking order for an observable social hierarchy in chickens that determined which hands ate first which were bullied all left alone and even which hands laid the most eggs but hierarchy goes back even further so these creatures engage in in dominance disputes when a lobster wins he flexes and gets bigger so he looks bigger the neurochemical system that makes him flex is serotonergic it's the same chemical that's affected by antidepressants well if you give lobsters who just got defeated in a fight serotonin then they stretch out and they'll fight again like we separated from those creatures on the evolutionary time scale somewhere between 350 and 600 million years ago and the damn neurochemistry is the same so our genetic sensitivity to hierarchy is much older than speech or even thinking anything like we do now in fact johnston found if his actors removed language altogether their scenes were just as easy to follow and often even funnier than those in english i think most people would assume status and power the same thing but are they the dictionary defines power as possession of control authority or influence over others and status as position or rank in relation to others or relative rank in a hierarchy of prestige so those who have power usually also have status and vice versa therefore it's not surprising the meanings get confused we're often told to blame power and its influence for a whole host of social ills but what if this were wrong and it was the lust for status not power that drives and potentially corrupts ordinary people take me for example it's unlikely i'll gain any power from making this video at least if that were my goal there would certainly be more efficient ways to go about it but that's okay because i'm aiming for something more seductive a feeling of being recognized as smart or insightful even more worthy of love than tony across the street who hasn't made a cool youtube video alain de baton describes this in his documentary status anxiety you could say that there are two kinds of love that we search for throughout our lives romantic love and love from the world romantic love is familiar enough but our search for love from the world is no less intense our search for status is linked to something that is as essential to us as light heat food and water so despite the overlap between status and power i think there are five differences power is linear it shows up as consistent and predictable hierarchies for example whether deployed overseas or at home the chain of command in the military stays the same however you could be low rank and therefore low power in the military but dramatically boost your status by heroically shielding your fellow soldiers from a grenade blast you can't boss anyone around but you do have a ton of respect power is objective for it to function everyone needs to agree who's on top status is subjective and changes depending on the era and what the community values here's alanda bhutan again in ancient sparta to have high status you needed to be warlike aggressive bisexual and good at spearing enemies in 18th century britain you needed landed wealth horses a languid elegance and a polished after-dinner dancing technique there seemed to be so many contradictory paths to acquiring status from influencer to digital minimalist underdog or favorite even rich or poor it all depends on whose company we keep or perhaps aspire to keep power tends to move gradually like an election cycle whereas status can jump at the speed of a well-pointed remark an organization or person that can wield decisions over us status has felt inside and calculated by comparison with other people we think we're similar to because we're afraid others won't agree with our sense of status we tend not to ask directly as in hey tom would you agree i'm better than you but instead we want them to reflect it back through their behavior power is zero sum to function there has to be some cap on the number of ceos presidents or champions at any time status is egalitarian there's really no limit to how many people can be elevated or dropped along any access their community values in his book this is marketing seth godin states status roles are hidden everywhere that more than one person is present if you look at decisions that don't make sense it's very likely that status is playing a part he identifies two flavors of status affiliation and dominion with affiliation status is derived by growing our group and abundance is currency how many followers how many likes or how many people showed up to my party dominion on the other hand is exclusive who's the best has the inside info or is sitting in the vip at the club we value our secrecy airlines know a thing or two about dominion status in his book the undercover economist tim harford explains that free airport lounges are made uncomfortable not because soft chairs and lighting are expensive but so that airlines can more easily sell upgrades to their executive lounges by leveraging people's desire to have exclusive access to slightly better experiences some airlines will physically restrain coach passengers from stepping off the plane before first in business class what they understand is that travelling a luxury is no fun unless you get to see other people who want to but can't i've noticed two common icebreaker questions are what do you do and where do you live besides starting a conversation these questions help release the tension of interacting with a stranger without ballparking their status first to be blunt what we really want to know is how should i treat you who's higher here status is conversational dark matter hard to see but holds everything together so if you want to mess with people at high society cocktail parties tell me you work as a vermin exterminator so the obvious question is how do i raise my status given that high status humans release more serotonin and live longer and the children of high status mothers are more likely to survive everyone from body language experts social scientists pick up artists and even jordan peterson in his book 12 rules for life teach high status postures as correct but there's something important to consider first is it really as simple as stand up straight with your shoulders back why would we've evolved to be so good at lowering our status if there wasn't an advantage to it being low status sometimes isn't bad the status relationship between a student and a teacher favors the teacher but hopefully benefits the student even more low status behavior is necessary to convey sincerity and remorse when we're apologizing fine i'm sorry the lower we are the more people will turn a blind eye to us or forgive our transgressions whereas the higher we are the more people secretly enjoy seeing us punished or embarrassed when we've done something wrong as you raise in status you open yourself up to threats in improv there's a story about two journalists who are captured by congolese soldiers after shooting the first one the second burst into tears so the kidnappers laugh and let him go it was more satisfying for them to see their enemy cry than it was to kill him this submissive behavior is called non-defense you can also see it in a wolf who exposes his neck and his underbelly to a dominant wolf as a way of ending a losing fight the top wolf may want to bite but can't in fact body language is so important in one of johnston's improvisation workshops a student was asked to start the scene while touching her face all the time and then gradually stop her partner recalls i couldn't define her movements and yet for some reason my attitude changed towards her when she touched her face i tried to be more helpful reassuring whereas when she stopped i felt more distant business-like and even challenged i haven't touched my face in weeks so status isn't something we have it's something we're doing moment-to-moment in collaboration with who we're talking to and doing low status can invoke care and mercy in others which is not only good for learning it can even keep us alive to fight another day johnston speculates people have a preferred status that they like to be high or low and they try to maneuver themselves into these positions a person who plays high status is saying don't come near me i bite someone who plays low status is saying don't bite me i'm not worth the trouble in either case you'll become increasingly conditioned to play the one you found in effect of defense but there's also a third option we can prevent others from using status assumptions against us altogether by sending mixed signals in his blog ribbon farm vankatesh rao calls this status illegibility think of it as communicating i may be lower than you or i may be much higher so be careful imagine someone who steps out of a lamborghini and beat up sneakers in a cheap t-shirt this confuses people forcing them to treat you as an individual instead of just making assumptions about your status on autopilot in fact a study by lauren a rivera on who bouncers chose to let into exclusive nightclubs found that it was these guests with the most ambiguous status who actually had the best chances of getting in so now let's look at seven ways you can change your status up or down firstly you have to know what the people around you measure seth godin advises it would be a waste of time for dan bilzerian to move to a monastic community that values poverty and celibacy but it does mean you have to be part of a community to begin with and if your community is one billion instagram users then whatever makes you valuable will always be under fierce competition for attention instead deriving our status from a smaller community centered around say a hobby a faith or your neighborhood at least gives you a chance to be compared with a reasonably sized stable group who will also be more likely to appreciate qualities like patience dependability or loyalty but often come out gradually and in more analog ways we touched on body language already but now let's go deeper with social scientist amy cuddy so we bring people into a lab these people adopted for two minutes either high power poses or low power poses so here's one and here are the low power poses so you're folding up you're making yourself small they go through a very stressful job interview we then have these coders they end up looking at these sets of tapes and they say oh we want to hire these people all the high power posers we don't want to hire these people here's what we find on testosterone high-powered people experience about a 20 increase and low-power people experience about a 10 decrease here's what you get on cortisol high-powered people experience about a 25 decrease and the low-power people experience about a 15 increase what do you do before you go into a job interview really what you should be doing is this like in the bathroom so what we do with our body changes our life as much if not more so than visualization or self-talk keeping your head still while speaking makes you appear more dominant and this is what army officers are taught to do while giving orders we can't talk about status without bringing up eye contact we tend to think of holding eye contact as being dominant but in the march 1970 science journal kenneth strongman wrote sc poppleton showed the relationship between eye glance hierarchies and dominance is in verse so he who looks away first is actually the more dominant johnston adds if you ignore someone your status rises but if you feel empowered to look again it falls so it's not really breaking eye contact that determines status but whether or not we look back afterwards as an exercise he suggests breaking eye contact with zoo animals and then glancing back for a moment polar bears may suddenly see you as food and owls cheer up uh how about speech uh if you say a short er at the beginning of each sentence it seems like your status goes down whereas if you elongate it to an um it actually makes your status go up if you've gotten into the habit of making either of these noises reflexively it might feel threatening to switch because of the safety conditioning we looked at earlier where you choose to sit or stand can say a lot about your status heads of tables corners of couches and positions next to large objects are usually reserved for high status winners thrones often had canopies as a throwback to our need to swing up into trees in emergencies maybe the undertaker did an amy cuddy and was posing like usain bolt in the don's toilets either way he got it wrong at first the don was willing to help but not for money the payment he wanted was a submissive gesture to clarify their high low status relationship let me know in the comments what you've noticed about status in your life are you the type of person who always aims for high or low status hey everyone so i'm trying to boost my friend's status so make sure to like this video and check the description below for a link to his channel as for my channel i'll have a new video out soon so stick around for more of my content you can also check out my newsletter and patreon in the description

Channel: What I've Learned

Views: 420,626

Rating: 4.9080701 out of 5

Keywords: status, how to gain status, how to stop being a loser, how to win, how to become a winner, why losers, why winners, Godfather

Id: bnZQB9hnOh4

Length: 20min 50sec (1250 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 13 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/newmug]

TIL Power is absolute, Status is relative