Starting Small - Part 3 - How to Stop

hey everyone and thank you for joining us for the well at-sts a church where we are always seeking to bring an ancient faith to a modern world and if that's something you are passionate about as well I hope you'd consider joining us for a special event on Labor Day weekend August 31st and September 1st that's when we'll be hosting our first ever open house event where you can get a behind-the-scenes look at everything we do at St si over the course of two days you'll get to hear not only from me but also from our staff and lead volunteers the people on the front lines of the ministry to a variety of breakout sessions that you can choose from and on top of that you'll get to experience a full weekend at St si where you'll have a backstage pass to everything from setup to cleanup and everything in between this is our way of sharing what we've learned over the past seven years and hoping that you could benefit from that experience as you seek to bring an ancient fate to your modern world as well you can learn more and STS a ministries org that's STS a ministries org I hope to see you there now let's get to this week's message welcome to the well here at sts a where we are currently in part three of a series called starting small and if you missed ending the first two parts you can go on our website our youtube page go to sts a church click on the well you can get yourself caught up what we're talking about here in this series is we're talking about how to establish and build good habits or good systems and the reason why we're talking about this is one things we talked about in week one for those who are here as we talked about how we all have similar goals but we have vastly different results so if I like took a survey and I said what are your goals for this coming year then most of us like all of our responses will be pretty much the same like we all want to get healthier we all want to pray more we all want better relationships like we all want pretty much the same thing but our results are vastly different so what that says to me as we talked about in the past couple weeks is that it takes more than good goals and good intentions to get results that it has more to do actually as less to do with our goals has more to do with our habits or our systems of life because even though we all want the same thing we end up in different places that another way there's no one out there who says you know what my goal for this coming year my goal is to struggle financially no one says my goal you know what paycheck to paycheck like that's my goal and my goal by the end of the year is to be in worse shape financially than I am that person who's struggling financially has the same financial goals as you but they may or may not make it there no one says this year I want to gain five pounds a month that's my goal baby five pounds per month go big or go home I'm not going small this year like I want to get big I want to go straight to diabetes by the end of 2020 no one says that but many people do that because it takes more than goals no one says I want to be addicted to pornography no one says I want to be an expert at the art of nagging my spouse and my children no one says I want to work years and years and years at a dead-end job where I am passionless and I make zero difference in this world no one says any of those things yet many people live those things out why because it takes more than goals to reach the results our key thought for this series that we talked about in week 1 which I'll talk about it every week is this successful people do consistently what other people do occasionally successful people do consistently what others do only occasionally the difference between a successful person and a non successful person isn't the goals isn't that they do different things the difference is the consistency or the systems that they operate under or habits I'll use those two terms interchangeably it's not your goals that lead to your success it's your systems it's not your goals it's your systems the quote that I showed you from week one from that book atomic habit said we don't we do not rise to the level of our goals we fall to the level of our systems the one who has good systems in place will be successful the one who has bad systems will always struggle last week specifically we talked about how to start good habits and we talked about the importance of habits because we talked about how so much of our lives is done subconsciously so many of the decisions we make so many things that we do we don't think but its habits that are just in place we don't think about it but we always pick up our phone first thing in the morning and then I say you should pray you should pray you should pray but if your habit is to pick up that phone that's gonna be really hard because the habit is kind of carrying you in place your habit is you see your kids room a mess you lose it okay like that's a habit that you've gotten yourself into and we talked about how there's so many things in life that we do without thinking and that's kind of a scary thought but it's also an encouraging thought because if you can build good habits in then you are on a path to success like if you can build in that habit we talked about last week how we're gonna aim high but start small and we're gonna talk about small little baby steps if I can start small I've not never look at my phone all day but if I can just say a prayer before I pick up my phone if I can make that a habit and do that consistency consistently that'll put me on a good course I'm not gonna say that I'm gonna give up all the sweets and give up all sugar but I'm gonna say I'm gonna build a habit of I have a shape for breakfast every morning a protein shake a green shake a small habit and once that habit is in place that system guides me towards success I'm not gonna say we talked about last week a bad goal coming out of this series is I'm gonna read the entire Bible this year that's a bad goal what a good goal is I'm gonna read the Bible for five minutes a day just five minutes a day starts aim high but start small and never underestimate the power of small habits we saw the Domino's you never know what's that first domino that's gonna knock down another Domino another Domino that may change your identity in life with small habits that was the last two weeks today we're going to talk about not how to start good habits but how to stop the bad ones and usually when I say habits most of us if I tell you tell me all the habits that you have in life most of us would think negative not positive most of us would think of those those pesky little those little habits that we've been trying to shake for years and we prayed about we fasted about and we went to seminars about we read books about oh boy did we read books about it and oh did we ask for advice about it and we've tried and for length we're gonna give it up and we're gonna whatever it may be and we still struggle with those save habits we're gonna talk today about how to shake some of those habits and the important thing is just kind of like I said about last week we're gonna focus on the power of small not big we're not going to talk about big things today we're know about small things because nobody just like last week when I said that when you want to change yourself in a positive way you start small nobody ruin their life and one night nobody did that's the story that we hear ok because we like summary because we're busy people we just like a headline we need something 180 characters all right so we like headlines what we like is she went to college she took that class that professor she lost her faith but we're not foolish enough to think that she lost her faith from one class it was probably building up and there were a lot of signs along the way we like the headline of they bought that house and once they bought the house there was no intimacy in the marriage and the marriage got destroyed Zoll because they bought that house that's the narrative that we like we like the summary the one sentence we like - I was ok financially and then I invested with this guy and then you know what I lost everything and I've been broke ever since because of that one bad decision we like summaries but the truth of the matter is nobody ruins their life in just one night Song of Songs King Solomon says catch us the foxes the little foxes that spoil the vine did you know if you have a garden your biggest fear shouldn't be big things but little things like what's gonna ruin your garden is most likely not a big old elephant that's gonna come in and stomp on it it's most likely gonna be little foxes little ones that are indetectable little chipmunks whatever it may be little guys those little guys eat away and the same thing in your marriage your marriage your enemy is not big things it's little things no marriage is ruined overnight no relationship is broken overnight no faith in God is lost overnight no career is destroyed in one night most likely small things that built up over time and I'll give you proof of it we're gonna talk a little bit today about a guy named Samson you guys all know the story Samson right like even people who don't read the Bible know Samson Samson is like The Incredible Hulk of the Bible there's nobody nobody in the Bible like Sam nobody they're great people in the Bible there's nobody like he was like like he was like the pre Avengers Avenger guy okay like he was ready like Captain America incredible like spider-man they got nothing on Samson Samson was a real-life superhero who proves to us who prude like if there's anybody who had potential from God like god-given potential to be great it was Samson there's a great story about one time Samson was attacked by a lion a lion look what it says here in judges 14 verse five and six now to his surprise a young lion came roaring against him so it's just a little baby lion not like one of the big scary ones just a little roaring lion so what do you do when a lion when you see a lion well what Samson did is spirited Lord came mightily upon him he tore the lion apart as one would have torn apart a young goat I never ripped up a young goat okay nor a lion but apparently there's like a hierarchy it's like maybe like a chicken wing and then a goat and then a line okay so he's already starting above us he tore the young lion apart as one we're torn apart of young goat though he had nothing in his hand here's the most amazing part the story to me but he did not tell his father his mother what he had done hey how was your day today Samson kind of uneventful how was the trip home from school oh you know something happened I can't remember what it was like a fly okay are you kidding me man one time I caught a mouse I knocked on the neighbor's door to tell man look oh god a mouse baby I took a picture of the roaring Mouse this big and I put it on the if social media ever look at me I defeated the mouse okay this guy ripped up a lion for him is no big deal Samson he's The Incredible Hulk of the Bible but we know the story of Samson he didn't end well for Samson Samson ruined his life how did he ruin his life most of us would say he ruined his life when he married Delilah that was a big mistake you married Delilah and that ruined your life was it just one decision that ruined Samson's life we'll go to judges chapter 16 this is that there's the chapter where he meets Delilah it says one day Samson went to Gaza where he saw a prostitute he went in to spend the night with her one day Samson went to Gaza I did a little bit of research how far is Gaza from Samson's hometown it's 25 miles roughly this is pre uber and pretty metric so he walked 25 miles 25 miles from his hometown to Gaza to see a prostitute will leave kind of that part aside okay just leave that part aside okay he walked 25 miles what is Gaza Gaza is the headquarters of the Philistines where Samson is public enemy number one they hate Samson they've been trying to kill Samson for a long time because Samson keeps killing their guys Samson there's pictures of him everywhere wanted dead or alive everyone wanted to kill Samson in Gaza and Samson walked 25 miles into enemy territory their headquarters where every step he took he was at risk of dying all for the purpose of seeing a prostitute but again we'll leave that part aside he walked 25 miles step after step every step into danger anyone curious how many steps it would be to walk 25 miles fifty six thousand two hundred fifty fifty six thousand two hundred fifty say that with me say fifty six thousand two hundred and fifty say it again fifty six thousand two hundred and fifty fifty six thousand two hundred fifty is how many choices little choices Samson made how many little bad decisions don't tell me Samson ruin his night ruin his life in one night Samson made a decision one step after the other and he made 56 thousand two hundred and fifty bad choices to go into enemy territory where his life is in danger and to see a prostitute in the in the mean time as well he had fifty six thousand two hundred fifty chances to say this probably not a good idea fifty six thousand two hundred fifty chances to say is this what God wants for me is this like the best use of my time like okay you're marching into enemy territory you may take 15 steps 20 steps thirty said but most of us after about ten thousands I would say this is not a good idea but he kept going and going and going and going and you ask yourself who in the right mind would take fifty six thousand two hundred and fifty steps towards their own death who in the right mind would do it and my answer is all of us how we do it all the time we do it all the time we don't march to a city where people want to kill us maybe we march to the dinner table and maybe we're in danger not a prostitutes and people shooting at us with guns or arrows whatever they shot at him with maybe we go to the dinner table and one bite won't kill us our two bites won't kill us about fifty six thousand two hundred fifty bites will that junk food that we put in our bodies that fried food those buttery treats your your your your gold card membership to the Old Country Buffet okay well you just can't get enough of that that that banana pudding with the little the wafers eat that stuff like it's going out of style what is that every bite is one step closer to a future you don't want every bite is a step closer to a future you don't want maybe for you your problem is not what is going into your mouth but what is coming out of your mouth maybe you got a gossipy tongue or fingertips by the way from tongue or fingertips you got a gossipy mouth a complaining mouth a judgmental and criticizing tongue and you think of course you don't call it that that's not what you call what you call it is I'm you know I'm defending the world defending the truth on Facebook ain't no one never saved the world on Facebook by the way in case you're curious okay the world was never saved by a Facebook post even though we think that we think we're saving the world one post at a time you know what you're doing one post at a time you're killing your own soul you're pushing away the people who are closest to you one judgmental comment but after another criticism after criticism you are 56,000 250 steps what you're doing is killing the people who you love most one word at a time and I could go on neighbor for you it's pornography one click at a time maybe for you it's the on got online gambling maybe for you it's a video game just a big deal one video game isn't gonna kill anybody yeah but fifty six thousand two hundred fifty video games my one one gamble online isn't one look at this website isn't yeah but 56,000 250 of them back-to-back-to-back-to-back might if you get nothing else what I'm saying here today get this every decision is a small step towards something every decision is a small step towards something every time I choose Netflix again replay next episode next episode that's a decision towards something every time I make a decision to sleep in vs. get up every time make a decision hang out with this group every decision is a small step toward something last week I asked you based on who you want to be we talked about our identity based on who do you want to be what is one habit that you need to start well today I'm gonna ask you the opposite based on who you want to be what is one habit that you need to stop based on who you want to be your identity for those who missed week one we talked about we're not starting with the do we're starting with the who the who I want to be I want to be a godly man I want to be an involved dad I want to be someone it makes a difference in the world I want to be a man of integrity alright I want to be a man who's filled with the Word of God based on who you want to be what is one habit that is taking you further away from that identity what one habit is stopping you from getting closer to who it is that you want to be the first step is to acknowledge it because you cannot defeat what you do not define so the first step is not coming up with 17 things that I need to work on I believe if you walk out of here with 17 habits to stop you will do nothing but walk out of here with one what one habit is standing in the way of where I want to be in 10 years where I want my family to be my dreams are for my career what one habit is stopping me from becoming who I want to be and if you say I don't know I can't think of anything I have a tip for you ask your wife or your husband or your sister or your brother I guarantee you they got answers and if they don't got answers come see me and I'll help you it takes courage to do so but you know what if someone who loves you tells you you got a problem and then someone else maybe confirms that or hints that you got a problem Colossians chapter 3 verse 5 through 10 tells us how we're gonna approach these bad habits I mean your your specific bad habit maybe that might not be on this list but take it what he's saying about these apply to our own therefore put to death your members which are on the earth put to death kill them whether they be fornication uncleanness passion evil desire covetousness which is idolatry because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience but now you yourselves are to put off all these things anger wrath malice blasphemy filthy language out of your mouth do not lie to one another that you have put off the old man with his deeds and had been put on the new man which is who is renewed and he keeps on going talking about that identity that's what I'm trying to get you you are a new man you are a new woman you are a new creation you are a godly person you are a person of integrity you are a healthy person you are not as person that's who you are so put off put to death anything which stands in the way of that identity you see last week for those who are here was a nice week was a fun week you're talking about let's talk about good habits we want to start I want to pray I want to exercise I don't want to wake up or like that's the fun stuff today we get a little bit ugly because today we're gonna talk about the ugly part so we like to talk about we're talking about those things as ugly parts of us that we don't maybe even in confession we don't like to admit we don't like to admit even to ourselves in the mirror ok those ugly things that we know that are killing us that are ruining our lives that we've tried to shake call them habits call them addiction call them struggles call them whatever they want whatever you want what they are is this is the identity that I want to become and it stands in the way and we're gonna talk about these things and how we're gonna attack them head-on because we hate these things about ourselves and I'll tell you right off the bat the answer is not going to be try harder the answer is not going to be willpower the answer the reason why you ask yourself why is it I haven't been able to shake these things why is it I struggle with it is it because it's hard like that's what we always think is this is just hard father Anthony but you know what I'm gonna push back on that a little bit say that's kind of a cop-out because we do hard things all the time we do hard things all the time like yeah my job is easy y'all do hard stuff when you go to work okay and y'all require advanced degrees for the stuff that you do and y'all are I know people who can run a marathon a marathon can do like a five minute plank and cannot walk past a piece of pizza when it's in the office cafeteria they don't tell me you can't do hard stuff I know people who they go to work and they're very well respected and they're calm and they're patient and they're loving everyone says whenever I got a problem I go to this person and then at home they're like a monster like Frankenstein or whatever monsters I don't know from - frankerz I may be dating myself who's a young monster Frankenstein jr. and or whatever that the latest monster may be I know people who can spend and his might be you and I'm not judging an hour an hour on the Facebook then you give them the good book and they say no I can't I have concentration for five minutes not I can't but you on the Facebook and you have no problem there's more to it than just willpower there's more to it than just willpower and we need to today our theme of today is gonna be not to fight harder but to fight smarter smarter not to fight harder but to fight smarter and to come up with a plan to attack these bad habits let's talk about the difference between good habits and bad habits cuz last week we came up with a strategy for good habits okay good habits and bad habits are kind of difference you have to understand the inherent difference to come up with a strategy that's appropriate for each one good habits are hard at the beginning but then there's a payoff down the road it's not immediate okay so it's it's hard to get up and jog all right it's hard to to get up and pray it's hard to to spend time reading versus watching TV like they're hard in the beginning but in time there's a payoff so the goal with the good habits if you remember last week was make it obvious make it easy because the goal is just to lower the bar the entry level bar because if I can just start okay if I can just start this habit like I'll start jogging today the fats not gonna fly off michaei as I'm jogging but you know what if I stick with it a month two months I'll probably notice some difference is how I'm feeling maybe how my complexion and for sure like I have the clothes fit I'll start to notice so my goal is make the bar low so I can just enter into the door bad habits are kind of the opposite bad habits are not hard at first bad habits are great at first bad habits feel good at first like it feels good to overeat done it it feels good to sleep in doesn't it it feels good to maybe say something about that person or to fire back at that person like sin and bad habits feels good if it doesn't feel good you probably not doing it right sin feels good bad habits feel good so what I want to do with bad habits because in the same way feels good but the payoff the negative is down the road I want to do the inverse of what I did last week last week I want to take the good habit make it easy set a low bar today I want to take that bad habit and my goal is to make it difficult and unattractive I want to make it hard to do it because it tastes good and it feels good I want to raise the bar that I gotta jump through I want to make it more challenging for me to get to that habit because getting there every time I nibble at it just tastes so good your willpower is not we cannot rely on our willpower alone willpower is a limited resource think of your willpower as your battery on your cell phone it starts hide at the beginning of the day but it gets drained through the course of the day so we are not just going to simply rely on willpower and say that's gonna be enough to get me there to stop my bad habits your willpower wanes as the day goes on and I'll prove this to you how many times I would raise both my hands on this one how many times you did a great job eating breakfast and lunch then you exploded at dinner like how many times that midnight snacks would did us in how many times you are good at the dinner party and someone said you want dessert you said no but then that second offer that third offer then they insisted in a boom it was over how many times okay and I won't say ever happened to me but I'll tell you this happened to me how many times you're at the office okay and you walk by and someone left a box of donuts and the first time you walk by I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me God's giving me power in the name of the Father Son Holy Spirit I walk by those notice that will judge anyone who eats on sticks the second time you walk by a little bit you're a little bit weak or you just kind of peek and do like a double take you say oh look like a Boston cream but that's okay God give me strike third time you walk by it you poke it caressing you curse the person who brought it fourth time you fill up a chair of a pro set up a laptop right there okay because your real power is not enough it's not enough your will power wanes we need to fight smarter not harder we cannot fight harder we all doing the best that we can and that's gotten us to where we are we need a better strategy so instead of just fight harder fight harder we want to fight smarter and make it difficult and unattractive look what the King Solomon says in proverbs chapter four he says do not enter the path of the wicked and do not walk in the way of evil avoid it do not travel on it turn away from it and pass on what King Solomon is saying right here is saying when there's something tempting that box of doughnuts whatever that bad habit is you're trying to get rid of man do not even walk on the same path and then he tells us four ways four ways it basically is doing the same thing avoid it do not travel on it turn away pass on what are you saying this figure out what it is you you you struggle every time you pass by that bar do not pass by that bar avoid it pass on turn away you struggle when you're on line and you're just doing nothing you're bored on line avoid it don't even go near it make it as difficult as possible to get to that point every time you with that group of friends you bash your husbands together avoid that group of friends make it as difficult as possible for you to be in a situation which leads you to those bad habits last week for those who are here ok let's take a step back last week we talked about this habit loop this is based on a book by a guy named Charles Duhigg called the power of habit highly recommend that book he talks about how every habit in life has three components there's a trigger there's an action and a reward a trigger or a cue and then action which is the habit and then a reward that comes from it so I smell the coffee I drink the coffee I feel good from the coffee I walk by I I walk by the the I go to the computer ok I love on to the computer I go on the bad side I feel pleasure for a little bit and then a lot of guilt afterwards there's a cue an action and then a reward or an outcome our goal today is going to be to cut or remove the trigger and if we do that we break the cycle like our strategy is not going to be more willpower to resist the trigger that's usually how we think walk by the donuts and do not eat we're gonna talk about today is how to remove the trigger and get it out of the picture all together and by removing the trigger the action has to be different because there was a sequence trigger action reward trigger action reward if I change the trigger or remove the trigger now the action doesn't know what to do now the action will have to be different and the cycle will be broken there are five main triggers okay that Duhigg speaks about in his book five main triggers obviously anything could be a trigger but all the majority of the triggers that set us off on the path to destruction are in these five categories I'll talk about the first four here then I get to the last one they are as you see place time mood moments place time mood moments let's start with place generally speaking our bad habits are connected to a place like you probably don't overeat in the gym you probably don't look at pornography in the living room you probably don't drink at church if you do you got problems generally speaking those bad habits happen in certain places all the time and that place becomes a trigger for that action let's say the next more time it's kind of connected to place you generally if you overeat least if you're like me it's probably the same time every day some of us is that afternoon snack some of us is that midnight snack like you generally overeat at the same time every single day if you struggled like I said drinking probably it's the same day of the week it's like it's probably not Wednesday mornings it's probably Friday night or Saturday night if you struggle looking at stuff online you're addicted to stuff online it's probably generally speaking at night late at night when everyone else has gone to sleep so in general there are triggers and if we can again fight smarter not harder what are the triggers what are the patterns these bad habits usually same time or same place third is mood and generally speaking our moods can be triggers and they talks about how the four moods are halt okay the four moods you got to be careful halt alt H is hungry when you're hungry we all know how that one works second is angry and I know some people combine the first and the second okay hungry and angry into hangry very good okay third is lonely and I'll add on lonely bored okay lonely or bored or idle and then the last one T is tired when you are hungry or you are angry or you are lonely or you are tired you are probably more vulnerable to certain habits so be smart notice it it's every time that I I had a bad night's sleep or I had a late night I'm tired led to this or I'm idle you know between projects led to this or I'm hungry it's after work everyday before dinner leave me - this fight smarter not harder last one is moments moments like I fought with my spouse and for some of us fight with our spouse that lead that's the trigger that leads to a downward spiral of bashing him okay or cursing her or you know leading me to this bad habit this addictive behavior just to kind of cope with this whatever it may be some of us it may be something as simple like moments of like a football game I always overeat when I'm watching football I always drink too much when I'm out with these people or whatever it may be like there are triggers and we need the self-awareness to examine it and say you know what it's not as random as we think it is it's probably connected to a certain cue we're gonna look at King David okay King David great man of God okay man after my own heart for King David had some bad mistakes really one bad mistake but it was again not just one bad mistake but the major one was when he committed adultery with a married woman then he lied conspiracy to cover it up then he ended up having the guy murdered okay the husband said he could remarry the woman let's look at King David and his fall right here and see if we can see those triggers place time mood and moments in the life of King David it happened in the spring of that year at the time when Kings go out to battle it David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel but David remained at Jerusalem then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king's house and from the roof he saw a woman bathing and the woman was very beautiful to behold I'm not justifying King David's mistake but all I'm saying is let's just look at it was there specific place where King David was where he shouldn't have been yeah it said that he was at home did the scene can this thing go back there we go okay first actually start with time there was a time in the spring of that year where should he have been during that time should have been a battle he's the wrong time and then it happened okay that he was he remained at Jerusalem should have been at Jerusalem should have been on the front line that's where he Kings supposed to be wrong place wrong time was there a wrong mood it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof so I would say David was lonely David was bored David was idle he was just kind of just checking out what's going on right there and that idleness led to problems and in the moment okay not the most common thing but he saw a naked woman bathing on another roof okay doesn't usually happen but hey turned out bad for him that that was the moment but he walked out there Oh Gabe and again I'm not excusing Davidson saying like it wasn't his fault all I'm saying is if David had paid attention David when are you most vulnerable what places what times what moods what moments story might have been different and who knows maybe you two maybe if you recognized night time man that's my weakness maybe you maybe you just come to that realization I'm weaker at night so then you know what maybe you just go to bed early someone told me that one time by the way the best spiritual isone told me go to bed go to bed know that is the best thing that you can do don't stay up late don't read don't pray don't go to bed I mean you just wondered think about it if you just went to bed everyday at 10 o'clock how many stupid things you would have avoided doing in life did you regret today watch your place watch your time watch your mood watch your moments the fifth one I think is the most important one so spend a little bit more time on that the fifth triggered its people and be careful because we are no matter how strong we think we are we all think that we are Fort Knox impenetrable but I'm telling you we are much more influenceable than we realize there are many studies which will tell you about the effects of your closest friends on your life many studies in one particular study that I found absolutely fascinating there was a study that study tracked 12,000 people over the course of 32 years how that's even possible I don't have the faintest idea but it's on the internet so for sure it's true they came to many conclusions ok many many many things and I'm not here to talk about all that stuff but there's just two that I wanted to highlight specifically about the role of people and how they influence you what they discovered 12,000 people 32 years that if you number one if you have a friend who is significantly overweight if you have a friend when you're five closest how they define him one of your five closest friends significantly overweight you are 57% chance more likely that you are overweight as well significantly overweight 57% chance like if I find a group of friends and I say one of those people is significantly overweight you are 57% more likely to be significantly overweight as well the inverse of that is also true if you have a friend who lost significant weight if there's someone in your life who lost significant weight then it says one of the three closest people to that person will have lost significant weight as well people that we hang with shape our behaviors and we didn't really need no study to tell us this because the scripture told us there's a long time before says let's read this all together this is one there's this is one of those golden verses read it all together with me he who walks with wise men know all together 1 2 3 he who walks with wise men will be wise but the companion of fools will be destroyed walk away with this idea you walk with the wise you will be wise you walk with the fools you be a fool you walk with the honest you'll be honest you walk with turkeys you'll be a turkey too and you know this to meet you from your experience again let's stick with the easy one the easiest one is eating how much easier is it to eat healthy if everyone around you is eating healthy this is one of the reasons why ok I'm not into the eating healthy so much but I just III study people around I like to eat it Panera why cuz I walk into Panera everyone else there is healthy I'm like ok I just if I sit in the same places then then good stuff should happen like you very rarely see overweight people in Panera as opposed to other places my trying to bash in the other place so I'll just kind of leave the names aside I'll walk in that place like nope no thank you I want to be like those of you no matter what you I just it's much easier to eat healthy if everyone in your group is eating healthy it's a lot easier to do well in school if all of your closest friends are very studious and into good grades it's easier to be involved in church if your closest friends are involved in church and the opposite is also true if you hang out with people who don't care about church it's gonna be difficult for you to be super close you hang out with people who don't care about their grades just want to party it's gonna be difficult for you to be different than them doing out with people who every way every it's always that all-you-can-eat buffet or all you can drink whatever it may be or happy hour whatever it's gonna be really difficult because people shape us more than we realize first Corinthians 15:33 do not be to see P where there's deceive do not be deceived do not be deceived even company corrupts good habit we are oftentimes deceived and we're deceived by who by ourselves we lie to ourselves know this person on impact me not I can say no to the temptation now that's just someone I hang out with on the weekends but then I have any influence over me do not be deceived do not be deceived evil company corrupts good habits we say that another way it is impossible I believe impossible to live right if you got the wrong friends and there's one thing I hammer into my kids head is this it is impossible to live right if you got the wrong friends and I'm telling you if you're struggling with some bad habits and you really want to do something about it if you're really struggling you can't stop certain things if you really want to do something about it look around and see the people that you spend time with and beyond it's do not be deceived maybe your struggle may be the triggers coming from outside there so let's recap we're talking about stopping bad habits we said it's gonna take more than will perish can take more than just like I can do it I can do it I can do we need to fight not harder we need to fight smarter and the way we're gonna do that you wanna take those bad habits do the opposite of last week we want to take a bad habit you want to make it as difficult and unattractive as possible we're gonna attack it at those five trigger levels the place the time the mood the moment and the people we want to make it more difficult to do the habit than to break the habit we want to make it more unattractive like the habit itself will taste worse like I want to pour whatever it is that I can't stop eating I want to pour dirt on that thing one port dirt on that habit so every time I taste it it tastes worse to me so that way I break the trigger interrupter cycle what does it look like on a practical level how this plays out let's take the example I talked about last week with snoozing let's say you struggle with the snooze you this news for best friends you your pattern is every day you do the same thing that alarm goes off you hit that snooze you do it seven times you got 63 minutes of the worst sleep possible but you will not let go of it you hit that snooze you hit that snooze you hit that snooze but then you come here and you say hey wait a minute father anything he said who I want to become my identity that I want I want to be a healthy person who eats a good balanced breakfast not whatever junk he just grabs on the way out I want to be a man of God or a woman of God I don't have time for the scriptures I want to work out before like I want to be a different kind of a person this news standing in the way so I'm gonna make it more difficult unattractive why am i put that alarm clock by the side of the room so when that thing goes off I gotta get out of my warm cozy bed walk across that cold cold cold floor because my husband is a monster and keeps the air conditioned at 67 degrees and I'm telling you that putting it over there made it a lot more unattractive made it a lot more difficult to do that's how we're gonna do it let's say your problem is this place called Target you heard of Target I know some people will have a compulsive addiction to target some people cannot like it is impossible they tell me impossible to walk in and walk out without spending at least $200 I know some people I know ladies now I'm telling you the honest truth I know ladies who got a job not because they wanted the money but because their husband wanted them to stop shopping at Target so they just need something to keep them busy so they wouldn't be a target every single day let's say your problem is Target and you just can't get into target without spending all my everything you need there at Target here's what you do you take a friend with you but not your shopping buddy friend take your husband take your child who needs to peek do not let him go to the bathroom before you go give him as many iced teas as he can drink as soon as you walk in and say we will not go to the bathroom in this place now you take that child if you don't have any of those I will volunteer my services I'm the most pleasant person to go shopping with because whatever is you say you need you don't need that now you don't need that no your kids don't need that no you don't even need your kids don't know where you kidding me I will help you take someone like me with you to target let's say you struggle online online is a problem for you be it social media spending wasting too much time procrastinating maybe get into places that you don't want to be it always happens at night I know people and there's someone who I respect very much did you know what I got this problem you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna take my laptop I'm gonna keep it in the car I'm not gonna even bring it in the house after work and I can bring in the house that I need it I don't need it for anything all I end up doing is moisten my time on it I'm gonna keep it in the car I know other people who their phone is set there's certain apps that cut your phone off from all internet stuff 10 o'clock that phone goes out a friend has the password something is set on there 10 o'clock they can't even use their phone I read about one person I read this about an executive a high-ranking executive who found himself wasting too much time on social media throughout the week so this is what he did this is how you make something unattractive and difficult he got his assistant every Monday morning she changes all the passwords on his social media accounts she changed them and she doesn't tell him and then on Friday afternoon she sends him what the new password is then all weekend long he can use it and then on Monday morning she changes it again so he cannot use it Monday through Friday that's someone who is committed to breaking the cycle to saying you know what I don't want it I don't want to just keep walking in the same loop I don't want to same trigger action reward trigger action reward and a person is willing to do something about it and then after you've taken that step you're gonna go back to what I said last week I know I talked about it this order but it was reason for but after you do what I just said gonna break this bad half you're gonna make it unattractive gonna make it difficult gonna go back to last week and you're not just going to remove the bad you're gonna replace it with good because there's a very instructive verse near that Jesus says in Luke chapter 11 verse 24 through 26 he says what an unclean spirit goes out of a man unclean spirit can be like a bad habit when it goes out of a man he goes to Dry places seeking rest and finding none the unclean spirit says I will return to my house from which I came and when he comes he find it swept and put and ordered then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself and they enter and dwell there and the last state of that man is worse than the first we do not just want to remove the bad one or replaced it with good so you're gonna say I'm gonna leave a laptop in the car I'm not gonna do the social media I'm not gonna sit there and stare at the sky I'm gonna read a book with pages every evening that's what I'm gonna do I saved all this time on social media I'm gonna buy a book I'm gonna read the book it's gonna be very nice experience you say I'm not gonna snooze in the morning but the goal isn't just to wake up to wake up the goal is alarm on the other side not gonna sneeze to start my day with prayer or start my day with a nice jog or make myself a healthy breakfast pack myself a healthy lunch the goal isn't just to stop the bad the goal is to start the good you say I'm gonna give up Starbucks several coffee people complain that I was giving it a hard time to the coffee people last week okay you say I'm gonna give up Starbucks I'm not gonna go to Starbucks I'm gonna drink with the peons drink at the office the free stuff you know what I mean like what that like the Rugrats there's like that the the filthy people drink that free stuff but I'm gonna give it up I'm gonna give up the Starbucks and I'm gonna drink the free but the goal isn't just to give up the Starbucks the goal is to take the five but per day that you would have spent and put that towards your debt your credit card debt or to be generous with that money the goal is to do something positive not just to stop the negative figure out who you want to be figure out that identity ask yourself what's standing in the way from that identity I want to be close to God what standing in the way I want to be a man of integrity what's standing in the way I want to be an involved dad I want to be a supportive wife what's standing in the way and just in case just in case you're not convinced after all that I said just in case you're still not convinced but that bad habit really is that bad do you want do me a favor ask yourself one question ask yourself where's this gonna take me in a year I told you in the beginning every decision is a small step toward something to ask yourself this happened where's it gonna put me in here where's gonna put me in five years 10 years to ask yourself that question today's decision shape tomorrow's identity so you spend more money than you make you make this you spend this play it out for me we're just gonna put you in here two years five years we're gonna put you with your your your financial goals we're gonna put you you eat ice cream after every meal where's I gonna put you fast-forward the process you regularly regularly ignore your kids for your phone where's I gonna put you in here what's gonna put your relationship in five years ten years when they're old enough to have their own kids like fast-forward the story for me and I'll tell you because I I see this stuff I see this stuff like I see this stuff on the back end I'll tell you where it's gonna lead you you're going to one day say I had no idea I had no idea how much this would cost me you're going to say I had no idea but I would lose so much from this one small habit I had no idea but I'd lose my relationship with my children that I would throw away my career a promising career that it would get this bad in my marriage that I'd have no connection to God when I needed him most nobody ruins her life overnight we ruin our lives one small step at a time but now like Samson in the middle of the story you got a chance to turn it around you got a chance to say I've in 10 steps 30 steps 100 steps 200 steps 4 no Mort I'm gonna start walking back this way cuz every step every decision every decision is a step towards something every decision today is a step towards an identity tomorrow and I love this verse that the Saint Paul says in 1st Corinthians chapter 10 verse 12 and 13 I wish Sampson were to read this says therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall Sampson you are strong and you are mighty and you kill Lions with your bare hands but let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall no temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man but God is faithful will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you were able but with the temptation will also make the way of escape that you may be able to bear it Sampson had fifty six thousand two hundred and fifty chances to turn it around and he did and now it's your chance like Samson no big deal just having fun just a small decision what impact will it have or you realize that every decision today it's taking me somewhere tomorrow never underestimate the power of small decisions never underestimate the power of small decisions never underestimate the power of small decisions good or bad small good habits small bad habits because ultimately they define who you are in life leave you all with this verse from Galatians chapter 6 verse 7 through 9 says do not be deceived God is not mocked means that there is there's no getting around the truth right here you can fool yourself can't fool God whatever a man shows that he will also reap he who sews to his flesh will the flesh reap corruption but he chose to the Spirit will the spirit reap everlasting life do not be deceived God is not mocked what you sow you will reap Samson sowed fifty six thousand two hundred and fifty steps towards his death and ultimately did him in and we have a chance now to sow steps towards life towards those goals towards those dreams for our future that are not gonna happen overnight it happens in small steps and if you start taking those small steps here's our theme verse let not grow weary while doing good for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart we will not fight harder we will fight smarter we will know that every decision is a step towards something and we will not lose heart because in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart let's stand together for a prayer in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit one God amen Heavenly Father but we thank you for opening our eyes here today to the great works that you want to do in our lives and the habits that are standing in the way of it help us Lord to have the courage to face those habits the ones even sometimes we don't even want to admit to ourselves give us the courage Lord that we need to face them head-on and to attack them not in big ways but in small ways cuz Lord we don't want to end like Samson we don't want to be taking steps towards the death of our dreams of our relationships of our faith so give us Lord the strength that we need and the grace that we need to take this small step in the right direction we pray this in the name of your son with the intercessions and the prayers of all your saints here as we pray thankfully our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil 1 in Christ Jesus our Lord for thine is the kingdom the power and the glory forever amen [Music] alright thank you everyone for coming if you need your parking pass they're gonna be by the connection table a few parts in the garage also don't forget about the book drive that we have next week if you have a book for fourth and fifth graders please drop it off at the connection table and that's all the announcements for today have a good weekend

Channel: STSA Church

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Id: vm-OT_T0Hd0

Length: 52min 17sec (3137 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 18 2019