Star Wars Review

ah hello intergalactic assembly I'm Tiger shadow the other personality the best midi-chlorians and [ __ ] Star Wars don't need an introduction for this what so [ __ ] ever considering it's one of the biggest damn movie franchises of all time if not the biggest when you take merchandising into account it transformed George Lucas from a respectable filmmaker to worldwide legend and all he had to do was play drives a bit of Flash Gordon mixed with dune now I'm not saying ode how dare he be inspired by the works that came before him as his whole [ __ ] tons of trivia about this movie some more incriminating than others but the thing that's most puzzling to me personally is how it's connected to science-fiction Star Wars or as it was named in an early draft The Adventures of star killer episode 1 the Star Wars had a hell of a time being greenlit for a myriad of reasons George Lucas's penchant for scripting words salad and insisting casting Dwarfs for over half the cast of characters didn't help but strangely a bigger hurdle for Studios to overcome was the idea of making a big-budget movie out of a nice genre like science fiction science fiction was a realm of B movies and TV series not big budget blockbusters so strange concern to have when in my opinion Star Wars isn't really science fiction anyway and I'm not the only one with that opinion which is why it's common to hear the series referred to as science fantasy though I think that's an inaccurate term as well so it's not the fiction part that's wrong it's the science Star Wars doesn't explore scientific concepts or make much of an attempt to explain things scientifically at all I'd say a better name for this kind of film would be space fantasy there's a simple adventure with heroes and villains and magical [ __ ] and it all happens to take place in outer space the basic synopsis is very simple evil - reticles space government seeks total control so a small band of rebels faces the task of fending them off and restoring freedom to the people normally this would be impossible but hey the force works in [ __ ] sadly over the years this simple task has been more and more corrupted by special editions and enhancements and all manners of [ __ ] where it's actually impossible to find the original movies as they were originally presented in any quality higher than like VHS or laserdisc if you're lucky but that's where the Internet comes in and the glory of the act of D specialization when there's a movie this popular and the demand for doing it right is this high much like a bethesda game modding community fixing all the bugs it's amazing how a group of fans is somehow more competent than the companies who actually own the property at just presenting the original movie without all the added [ __ ] in high-definition and don't worry the [ __ ] got my money anyway so let's take a look at Star Wars and see what the movie actually looks like when you don't have CGI Dewback ass blocking all the shots the film opens up a long time ago in a galaxy far far away according to the text scroll it's a period of Civil War and [ __ ] this sounds like a kind of important thing to show the audience but the point is the rebels somehow won a battle against the Galactic Empire which just so happen to have the death star blueprint so they could steal now that they have it Princess Leia has to deliver them to a secret rebel base this is made slightly more difficult as the Empire is right on their tail and the Star Destroyer is too [ __ ] big to even fit in a 10-second clip damn this tiny rebel ship holds not only the princess but our droid leads c-3po played by Anthony Daniels and r2d2 played by Kenny Baker also more importantly the Imperials knock out their reactor killing the thrusters and allowing the Star Destroyer to capture the ship and the Imperials to board oh well they're just stormtroopers and we all know how stormtroopers can't hit important characters generic rebel fighters fair game for upping the body count it seems as such the droids can walk right through the hallway of laser death without a scratch escaping the combat while the Princess Leia played by Carrie Fisher somehow gets r2d2 to the side for some secret business which we won't have cleared up for quite a bit so let's just move on to the big bed das veda played by David Prowse and voiced by James Earl Jones he's looking for the Death Star plans which were stolen which the captain doesn't provide so Vader crushes his [ __ ] neck come on ship apart until you've found those plans and bring me the passengers oh maybe the other passengers oh that one not so much on a totally unrelated note r2 keeps going on about a secret mission and eventually gets c-3po to follow them into an escape pod which is not shot down because there's no life forms detected and laser ammo is expensive I guess nevertheless the stormtroopers capture Leia and Vader interrogate her for the stolen plans obviously she denies everything so he just arrests her for now holding her is dangerous word of this gets out and could generate sympathy for the rebellion in the Senate oh wow not so certain this guy realized that his let's call it acting I was going to be in one of the highest-grossing movies of all time Vader points out that she's their best bet to discovering the location of the hidden rebel base but there's still the problem that they haven't recovered the plans on the ship escape pod was jettisoned during the fighting no life-forms were aboard she must have hidden the plans in the escape pod you know Vader you got the force and [ __ ] you really don't need to do this sharp of a leap of logic to move the plot forward of course as we know the pod contained r2d2 and c3po also as r2 is a droid on a mission they set off to bring their message to its designated recipient meanwhile c-3po says [ __ ] it and goes the other way only to find nothing but big [ __ ] piles of sand oh and in a serious vehicle on the horizon but r2 has their own trouble as when they slip through a rocky valley they are suddenly besieged by Jawas and shot or at the very least at the stage hand run over and kick the Droid over as it turns out the job was a scam scooping up whatever machines they can find in order to sell them to the locals not only did they just so happen to capture c-3po as well but the first stop is by a moisture farm where Luke Skywalker played by Mark Hamill is in the market for some droids along with his uncle Owen played by Phil Brown can you speak bocce of course I can say it's like a second language to me all right shut up I'll take this shutting up setting and even taking the force into account there are plenty of these moments to set up just so perfect that you got to look at it and say wow I was [ __ ] lucky especially considering that I even bother thinking about buying r2d2 until the other droid a14 suffers a catastrophic failure but fortunately 20 seconds is still within Jawa warranty excuse me sir but that talk to unit is in prime condition a real bargain uncle Owen yeah what about that one what about that blue one we'll take that look anyone else at all disturbed by the fact that the droids sir I mean they're clearly intelligent but for all intents and purposes they're an artificial slave race I mean just saying if you're going to invent a custodial droid maybe not put the Robo sole in there that makes it so it'll eventually get tired of dealing with all that [ __ ] I guess when your toaster and vacuum cleaner need maintenance it's nice to be able to keep polite conversation with them that way Luke can ask about what looks like combat damage and find out the droids were previously in the hands of the rebellion that's not the most interesting part though I got something jammed in here real good where you want to start Kooser up John help me obi-wan Kenobi what's this proof that even when you're trying to desperately send a life-or-death message that doesn't mean you can't do it in style the message is incomplete however and artoo denies knowing what it even is however the Droid ensures them that they can play back the full message just as soon as Luke removes this pesky restraining bolt there you go wait a minute where'd she go bring her back play back the entire message what message the bunny just behaved last good to know the computers will still be just as reliable in the distant future or a long time ago the intercepted holographic droid mail will have to wait though as it's time for dinner with uncle Owen and aunt Beru played Shailja Frasier this is pretty much to establish [ __ ] your future kiddo your uncle needs you work in the farm leaving Luke's wanderlust unfulfilled Luke's just not a farmer own he has too much of his father in him that's what I'm afraid showing that George Lucas planned these twists all along as long as you ignore all the early drafts where Luke was a dwarf or a guild alien or a robot or a woman and Vader was a very minor character killed off in the first movie with less fanfare than Darth Maul as long as you ignore all of that then this is very impressive so it looks like Luke's life is going nowhere that is until he finds out that r2d2 now free of his restraining bolt ran the [ __ ] off in the middle of the night still not too important as Luke waits until morning to chase after him but still early enough that his aunt and uncle don't find out the r2 unit escaped fortunately waiting this long wasn't the problem at all as he am c-3po easily tracked the droid down and just in time too because they detect hostile creatures nearby but [ __ ] being say Luke wants to go have a look they're saying people are letting you see one of them now that's what you get for spying on the sand people when they're having their private time with the banthus but if here's Luke's gonna pay for that voyeurism by getting the [ __ ] kicked out of him and the sandpeople rummaging through his things luckily for him though another figure swoops in so dark and powerful the creatures run for the ales it turns out to be hello that Alec Guinness playing the role of obi-wan Kenobi oh well we're not supposed to know that yet so Ben Kenobi old Ben Kenobi so best suit on then he could think of but hey he's been hiding here on Tatooine for decades so it's not like he just spouts off his real name to anyone five seconds of the conversation you know what well of course I know it he's me I haven't gone by the name of obi-wan since oh before you were born oh we're actually slightly after not very far though I don't worry no one's gonna hold me to this [ __ ] anyway catching up on specifics will have to wait because the sandpeople will be back soon and c-3po is all over the place so as they don't have much time they pick up the pieces and head back to old Ben's Hut yes he's obi-wan we know he's only one but everyone just calls him Ben from here on out as there's a lot of explaining to do he hops right to it turns out Luke's father wasn't a spice freighter but a Jedi Knight who fought alongside obi-wan long before the Empire controlled the galaxy the father wanted you to have this when you were old enough uncle wouldn't allow it something about it smelling like hatred burnt flesh and dead children I don't know this of course would be the old lightsaber because enemy fire is inaccurate enough on important characters that they can reliably take a knife to a gunfight and win all thanks to the force it's an energy field created by all living things it surrounds us and penetrates us it binds the Galaxy together and because it's a nondescript hard to define whoo I can easily fall under religion people generally don't notice in their day-to-day lives it's very easy for people to just forget about it over the years I mean if it was something that was clearly measurable and had scientific backing then it'd just be crazy for people to pretend like it's not real all of a sudden never mind all this backstory that was time for the holographic message from Leia turns out she placed a mysterious data vital to the rebellions victory into r2d2 memory and requests that what we want bring it to Alderaan so her father can recover the data so that they can save the galaxy and [ __ ] thus he requests Luke come with him to Alderaan at which point the kid box because you know hating the Empire and his life is one thing but you gotta refuse the call for the hero's journey to work us they just start heading back to Luke's home but on the way there lost points too accurate for sandpeople only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise I wonder how Obi one would even think that I mean he's a major character he's got first-hand experience of there not being able to hit [ __ ] but the point is they killed the Jawas who sold the droids to his family which means they are after r2d2 realizing this means they likely trace the sale back to his farm Luke rushes home problem is when he arrives the whole thing has been destroyed and uncle Owen and aunt Beru are out on the porch smoking well then someone's from moisture farming it's time to head to moss eisely and get the [ __ ] off this rock you will never find the more wretched hive of scum and villainy I don't know man I mean I've read some emails look at obi-wan don't have much trouble slipping by the guards as a force means you can just say man it's cool and the stormtroopers agree it's cool they need a shift though if they want to make it to Alderaan and this leads them to a cantina where they find Han Solo played by Harrison Ford fans chip you've never heard of the millennium fault should I have it's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs but parsecs are a measure of distance not time well you see the Kessel run has a lot of black holes in it so in order to make a shorter distance you have to actually get your ship closer to the black holes and therefore it has to be fast enough to be able to escape the black hole's gravity after becoming so close to them that's a [ __ ] excuse for sloppy writing and you know it after agreeing on an astronomical fee obi-wan and Luke head off to sell the land speeder while Chewbacca played by Peter Mayhew heads back to the ship to get it ready for takeoff problem is Han is held a bit a bit at gunpoint by griot played by Paul Blake seems ha knows a certain Hut a substantial sum of money and as Jabba assumes he won't be getting it at this point a price is on solos head which the local Bounty Hunter's are more than happy to monologue about instead of just killing him when they have a chance chest pocket Oh dad please dad I'm home yeah Orca yes I bet you have and right there is a good enough reason to seek out that he specialized edition if you ask me with Greedo shooting never out of the way everyone gathers at the Millennium Falcon's so Luke can be sorely underwhelmed by it not to worry it's an iconic enough design that in most Star Wars video games it's got the best stats of any ship good thing too because the Empire is right on their tail requiring them to take off immediately and free the Imperials via the handy dandy jump into hyperspace thing is while all this was going on Princess Leia has been held prisoner on the Death Star as she is refused to give the location of the secret rebel base grand moff tarkin played by peter cushing figures he can squeeze that out of her by threatening to blow up her home planet of Alderaan on Dantooine yeah you see lord Vader she can be reasonable continue with the operation you may fire when ready what you're far too trusting mr. Tarkin what are they better to leave Alderaan in one piece for now at least to be able to threaten her with it later if it turns out she's lying or you know at the very least you can't collect taxes from dead people or just blast my guests yeah diplomacy and not killing people doesn't have nearly as impressive special effects they've got a great disturbance in the force as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror suddenly silenced oh oh oh oh it's just about Lee ok back to your training Luke's working on blocking blessed from a training remote which he's not particularly good at the so we won figures he can't do much worse blind and indeed thank you force he deftly blocks the strikes not that everything's great as when hun takes a ship out of hyperspace they can't seem to find other on and instead have found themselves in a brand-spankin'-new asteroid field it's not a ship coming in maybe they know what happened it's an imperial fighter no it's a short-range fighter out here because why you always talking like okay that looked convincing but you know you better send someone out there to make sure we're gonna be heading for that small moon think I can get him before he gets there he's almost in range that's no moon it's a vacation then how do you know is it the force No Alderaan doesn't have moods first great astronomy problem is by the time Han realizes this and tries to back up out of there the ship is caught in a tractor beam and pulled into the Death Star where they will surely meet their due there's no one on board sir according to the law of the crew abandoned ship right after takeoff it must be a decoy there are several of the escape pods have been jettisoned a decoy from what a decoys are meant to distract you from something else so what's the other thing as it turns out they didn't just jump out in his face to die but instead hid under the floorboards in a smuggling compartment this means when the scanning team comes up for a deeper search they can ambush them and tempt the few standing stormtroopers in for a quick pair of uniforms uniforms that came in very handy for deceiving those two they're not going to be telling anyone they saw any intruders as the pressing matter is escaping from the Death Star they have to figure out how to shut down the tractor beam fortunately our two loads of the schematics of the ship now that this is a completely different from the plants he has in his memories that were stolen earlier and totally important to the plot the point is there happens to be a handy on/off switch for the tractor beam obi-wan having read ahead in the script knows he must go off alone to take care of this leaving the rest of the group to hide in a small room that is until r2 trips over other information that Princess Leia is being held captive on this very ship and is scheduled for execution obviously the same Hans problem but Luke mentioned something that might change his mind rich powerful listen if you would rescue her the reward would be what well more well than you can imagine I don't know I can imagine quite a bit you'll get it Luke she was using Bank of Alderaan it's pretty safe to say that her accounts not in the best standing right now but Han doesn't know that so they come up with the cunning ruse making like Tubac is a prisoner they're transferring to one of the cells near the princess then just say [ __ ] it and shooting the guards the walls and the communications equipment conversation anyway whoa company ah more dialogue wheel should have that as an option we sell it enough time for Luke to find Leia have her insult him and then start the big rescue I'm here to rescue you I got your r2 unit I'm here with Ben Kenobi then Kenobi where is he Mon Luca I know you know the Ben is obi-wan now how the hell does Leia know that Ben is obi-wan in all this forum posts I saw her people saying uh Ben is short for obi-wan no it isn't and if it was then it wouldn't have surprised Luke to find out that Ben was obi-wan the problem with their whole escape plan is now well they don't have one so Leia says [ __ ] it bless whole wall and they slip away into a garbage disposal home to a horrifying tentacle monster not that that makes much difference because the thing leaves anyway once the walls start closing in on them don't worry though they're handy dandy droids can access the computers stop the masher and save the day dying r2 curse my metal body I wasn't fast enough it's all my word and I can't really fault him for thinking that it has been 90 minutes after all but this is a two-hour movie so they're fine however while obi-wan was successful in turning the tractor beam switched to the off position our heroes aren't out of the jungle yet facing even more stormtroopers and their terrifying abilities the Wilhelm scream as a shame sound doesn't travel in space because I'm pretty sure a few million of those would have popped out Alderaan nevertheless the handy dandy utility belt allows them to heroically swing to safety while Louie one finds himself alone with Darth Vader having to heroically swing his lightsaber around while taunting the villain with plot contrivance 'as you can't wind up strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine what did I just didn't prison you that oh I didn't think of that at this point their duel distracts the rubbernecking nearby stormtroopers allowing our heroes a chance to escape until Luke notices obi-wan fighting Darth Vader which the old man takes as his cue to just give the [ __ ] up as far as I'm aware he's the only one in the entire series he's just poof out of existence like that unless it happened sometime in the novels or comics I guess so he's dead as [ __ ] but still around enough to tell Luke to do the obvious thing and run which they do but are pursued by a small group of TIE fighters no bother one's hot and Luke takes the guns they easily take that out perhaps a little too easily no sure the homing beacon is secure aboard their ship I'm taking an awful risk Vader this had better work I mean we had him right here with the Death Star plans we were trying to get from them all movie but I mean just letting them go and letting them know how to kill us is probably not gonna have any negative repercussions even the princess agrees the Imperials shooting them must have meant that they wanted them to escape but Han pays it no mind thus they safely make it back to the secret base on Yavin moon which must not have been too far because this star is able to follow without much difficulty that's not a problem though cuz they got those plans those really old plans as we see the design of the Death Star is not quite accurate but let's hope the shaft of bad architectural decisions is still there a precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station only a precise hit will set up a chain reaction an exhaust port for the reactors built miles long in a straight line without anything to block any kind of incoming fire like an s-curve or just a few bars to catch torpedoes and [ __ ] like that straight line yep that's the climactic battle plan though so everyone suits up and gets ready to take on the Death Star except for Han who just loads up his rewards he got from somewhere and gets ready to get the [ __ ] out of there good to reward if you ain't around to use it besides attacking that battle station ain't my idea of courage it's more like suicide come on Han it's not nearly as dangerous as parenting so they have to attack the Death Star without him easy test considering the station followed them all the way here and is circling the planet trying to get a clear shot of the moon where the rebel base is at this point the movie is one gigantic orgy of action and special effects pretty damn good special effects I might add especially considering this movies from 1977 nevertheless the plan is relatively simple the Death Star is equipped to easily destroy a large-scale attack but if their small group can slip through defenses they can reach the exhaust port and destroy it I mean unless another small group comes to fight them off I guess watch for enemy fighters by coming in three marks at 210 take in my show yeah the idea that the defenses are too widely spread doesn't take into account the thanks [ __ ] pact with an armada worth of fighters as the trench run is a woefully predictable flight path he has no problem taking up most of the rebel attack forces himself which eventually means Luke finds himself tasked with doing the impossible shoving a torpedo right up the Death Star's ass as his GPS is acting a little funny use the Force Luke let go think about those directions are still more feasible than go down the Golden Gate Bridge for half a mile then take a right trusting the fate of the universe to the voice in his head Luke turns off his targeting computer like it's going to matter anyway considering Vader is still on his tail my sahaan shot one of them and the other just ran into Vader I have a feeling this is the exact outcome we would have had today I just waited for one of them to sneeze point is Luke can concentrate now and lens a perfect shot on the Death Star so it's best to get the [ __ ] away before this happens feel a great disturbance in the force you know it's okay feels like they were [ __ ] there for happy ending on did come back to save the day Luke is a hero of the rebellion the Death Star is no more invaders floating in space somewhere ready to be used in the sequel which a lot of people during production figured that was never going to happen I thought this movie was going to bomb and it's really hard to be quite that wrong in life but I try so that was Star Wars and it's not perfect it's a great movie of course and despite my ramblings about what is and is not science fiction that doesn't change the fact that people love a good fantasy story the flaws in my eyes are some rough edits and questionable plot points now I'm not saying that when you take the sequels and prequels into account it falls apart I mean that's true but that's no reason to say that this movie has flaws in its own plot that's a problem with the ones that came after no my issue is with the fact that the plans to the Death Star are handled in a very wonky manner first of all in this age of high technology no one was able to just make multiple copies of these plans and transmit them around even if we accept that they just can't somehow having them find the plans on the pre movie text blurb instead of in the actual movie doesn't make for the greatest screenplay yes a few other points would have to have been modified to have it happen during the main event but I don't think it would be as jarring however that's about the extent of my complaints here the movie was the start of an insanely huge franchise for good reason it's an entertaining film to watch with a lot of little details everywhere that not only make the world feel alive but give movie goers something to muse over after it's all said and done enough is explained to make sense and enough is left unexplained to give a sense of intrigue overall star wars revitalize the science fiction genre despite merely being a space fantasy movie because it's a simple enough story to understand in a deep enough setting to get lost in it's not flawless but she's got it where it counts coming in it for pissed-off pistol-packing princesses out of five so I actually agree with George Lucas that there was room for improvement just not that he should have messed with it years later fixing the parts that weren't broken but anyway thank you all for watching I'm Decker shadow remember may the force be with you is said so often it was lost all meaning outside of I like Star Wars the bastion is ah I don't know what all this trouble is about but I'm sure it must be your fault oh you watch your language

Channel: Decker Shado

Views: 121,253

Keywords: Decker Shado, Star Wars, Episode 4, Episode IV, A New Hope, review, movie review, review (media genre), 1977, science fiction, sci fi, science fantasy, space fantasy, luke skywalker, mark hamill, princess leia, carrie fisher, han solo, harrison ford

Id: TLKTW_v9gDE

Length: 27min 37sec (1657 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 07 2016