- [Maaz] So for those of
you who've made it this far, I was not kidding in the intro or title. I really do cut my brother's face, and it is kind of a queasy story, so if you aren't a fan of
those kinds of stories, then go watch some of my other videos. They're pretty good. All right, so not many people know this, but I used to live in
Japan all the way back when I was one to six years old. I don't remember much from my time, but most people come out of Japan speaking about the
sophisticated architecture, or the elegant beauty
of traditional Japan. All I remember are body pillows, tentacles, and becoming a huge weeb. But before I was able to truly possess the power of God and anime on my side, I had to first go through some traumatic childhood experiences. Now I'm sure you already know
this from the duck video, and how I brutally murdered a duck, but I wasn't the most normal kid. I was... I was kind of a psychopath. (clears throat)
Oh, and I liked maths. (painful moaning) - Oh, my God, my leg.
- Disgusting. If you're an older sibling,
you may already know this, but kids are curious as frick! Most children just go around
and ask questions like "Why is the sky blue? "When will my pets learn to talk? "How do I dab on them haters?" until their parents stare away into space wondering why they gave up their dreams for a bunch of snot-nosed brats. But not me! So I used to wonder what doth lie beneath the thin layer of flesh? What lies at the core of a human being? Could it be... Could it be memes? And so psychopathic, four-year old Maaz drags my two-year old
baby brother into my room and I commanded him to stay still. I'm pretty sure he didn't
even notice anything. He probably just sat there
and tried not to poop himself. I don't know what babies do. So as my brother's sitting there, I rummaged through my toy
collection of various anime stuff like gundam or Power Rangers or something because (speaks Japanese). (clears throat) Excuse my Spanish. So in the pile of figurines
I find myself a toy knife. I go over to my sweet, innocent brother and stick this tiny
blunt knife into his face and cut straight down. - [Bro] "Brother, why have you done this?" Oh, gosh. Once again, I just want to reiterate this was simply out of pure curiosity about what was underneath our skin. Back then I didn't know it was socially unacceptable to stab brothers. In retrospect, it wasn't
even a real knife. How did I even do that? To use my pudgy hands to cut my brother? This is some UNDERTALE level stuff. I put all of my strength
into cutting his dopey face. I was probably the only four
year old that needed therapy. So I'm sitting here performing the most ghetto surgery on his face, and obviously blood
starts pouring everywhere. I take one look at that blood, put my knife down,
stand up calmly and say, (smacks lips) "This was a mistake," and just burst out crying, and I guess the sight of
his older brother weeping, and his newfound pain on his face made my brother cry as well. After hearing that, my parents
walked in, saw the situation, and nursed both of us until we were calm, and we had dinner together
as a loving family. (scoffs) No, I'm kidding. They came in there and
whooped me around the place. My brother still has a scar
from this incident to this day. How crazy is that? And I promise you, I'm
not nearly as sociopathic, but that was some Chucky level stuff, man. Can you imagine IT when
Pennywise is all in the drain and he's like, "Oy,
mate, get in the drain," and the kid just whips
out a freaking toy knife and stabs the clown in the face? You know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, I was a great big brother. I mean, let's be real here, guys. If you can't cut faces, then
are you really a good brother? Man, recounting this story
actually makes me feel horrible, and to be honest, I don't even remember which
side of his face that I cut. You know what? Hold on. (phone ringing) - [Bro] Hello? - [Maaz] Hey, mate, how's it going? - [Bro] Yeah, not bad, how are you? - [Maaz] Yeah, pretty good, mate. All right, listen. Do you remember all the way back in Japan when I took a toy knife and cut your face? - [Bro] I still have a scar from it, bro. - [Maaz] Yeah, I know, but listen. I kind of forgot which side
of the face your scar was on. Which side was it? - [Bro] Maybe left?
(chuckling) - [Maaz] What do you mean, "Maybe left?" - [Bro] I don't know. It's not a big deal anymore. It's real little. (chuckling) - [Maaz] Yeah, fair enough, man. But I'm the best brother, eh? - [Bro] Yeah, yeah, man. You always loved me like that, hey. - [Maaz] Yeah, no, no. But the best brother. (chuckling) Now don't let my tone fool you. I really was traumatized after this, and I didn't even cut
that much, to be honest. But I was afraid of blood
for a long time after that, and even now, whenever I see
blood, I get kind of woozy. But hey, now if you ever hear
the news of a serial killer going around cutting
faces with a toy knife, you'll know who did it. (chuckling) It was James. Okay, so obviously I
played it up for the story, but I didn't actually hurt him that much. It was only skin deep,
so it wasn't too bad. Still traumatizing, though. Bro, if you're watching this, I'm so sorry. (chuckling) I still feel bad about
the scar. (laughing) But don't get the wrong idea. If you ever cross the line with me, I'll do it again. All right, laters, and stay a-Maazing.
