Spider-Man 2 is Disgusting, Woke Propaganda

maybe MJ was right why would the city need me when it has you how does it feel to have lived long enough to see all of your favorite franchises go down in flames feels great another year another Sony cinematic slop game that everyone's going to pretend is a masterpiece at the time of recording this this has a 91 on Metacritic now if you still trust Metacritic scores you're probably an idiot but still the point stands that this game is obviously getting the Sony hand job from all the critics for pushing for social change even if you do agree with the politics it is far too similar to the last game gameplay-wise it really makes very few if any improvements it is some of the worst pacing I've ever seen in a video game despite having significantly fewer cutscenes than God of War Ragnarok it's actually worse because it interrupts the game play every 10 minutes and even when you are playing it you're either solving a brain dead puzzle or playing some other mini game or you get a walking simulator Mission or you're playing as a spiderbot basically anything except swinging through the city and fighting bad guys so it makes absolutely no sense how this game is up there with all the greatest games ever made now reviewing this game is going to be difficult because I am so utterly frustrated and tired with all of the political virtue signaling that is in modern video games and this is one of the worst cases I've ever seen by the way if you tuned into the streams you know exactly why already so it's going to be hard to actually try to give this a fair review because this game really really pissed me off I mean I don't think I've been this mad at a video game well at least in Starfield which really released not that long ago but you might have thought that I was reaching on some of my points with with God of War Ragnarok story and I'll admit I was barely paying attention half the time because that game was so unbelievably boring but Insomniac Spider-Man 2 is not just almost as equally boring as God of War but also twice as woke undeniably so it'll be interesting to see The Usual Suspects try to pretend that this isn't clear political propaganda being shoved down our throat now because this review is going to come out over a week after the game's release anybody who decided they wanted to purchase the game has already made that choice so at this point I'm just giving my thoughts cuz clearly a lot of you want to hear my thoughts on this game and man I am finding it difficult to really drudge up the anger that is required for a game like this I'm honestly more depressed than anything I've said this a few times in the past but Insomniac used to be one of my favorite video game developers they've quite literally made my favorite game of all time Spyro the Dragon but it wasn't just Spyro those those of you who've been on this channel for a while know that I really enjoy the Ratchet and Clank games which was also made by Insomniac the first four games in that series all have their place amongst my favorite games of all time they're really fun actually kind of funny games too the humor age surprisingly well and they're just a good time all around but fast forward 20 years and Insomniac is nothing like the company that made those games it's happened to pretty much every game Studio that was big in the late '90s and early 2000s none of them have maintained the same level of quality which I guess shouldn't be surprising but Insomniac at least used to understand what made a game fun this game is not fun 80% of the time so [ __ ] it let's just talk about the game play now unlike most of my other videos I'm actually not going to talk about gameplay all that much because it's very similar to the last game chances are if you're interested in this you've already played the game that released back in 2018 and even a few of you played that Miles Morales game though not nearly as many judging by sales numbers so you basically already played this already so just sticking to the game play and not talking about the story or anything I think it's perfectly competent but as I've said multiple times especially on the streams I have never been a huge fan of Arkham style combat I do like those games and I also like Shadow of Mordor and Shadow of War but I'm not particularly good at that combat system I just have kind of slow reflexes in general and unfortunately I played about half of this game while I was tired so this game playay isn't particularly great so I'm going to try to not hold that against the game though I did have a lot of frustration with some of the boss fights specifically so what's different this time around well now we have a block SL Perry button which really is probably the greatest source of my complaints with this this game because the muscle memory is so beaten into me from playing all these Arkham style games to press one button to dodge attacks but most of the time it wasn't a problem as long as it was an enemy that you're specifically supposed to Parry like the big heavy guys that's pretty intuitive really what I had a problem with the Parry system was with the bosses because the style boss fight has been shifted to be something much more similar to a soul style boss where you're trying to memorize the boss's patterns and Dodge or Parry accordingly now where I [ __ ] up in particular is that I didn't pick up on the fact that a lot of these bosses are easier to Parry than they are to dodge because if an attack just has the white spider sense symbol I assume I should be able to dodge it no problem but there's a lot of ending lag on the Dodge and so it's actually faster and more reliable to Parry them like you would in Sakira or some other similar game but I [ __ ] [ __ ] up a lot on these bosses because of the Parry system and ultimately I'm just not a big fan I'm not going to say it's bad game design cuz I don't really think it is but it personally made the combat less fun for me and it's not really worth explaining the rest of the combat mechanics because you should already be familiar with them it plays like an Arkham game with a heavy emphasis on air combos in fact air combos are just better than ground combos but with the downside being that if there are any ranged enemies in the area they will immediately Target you as soon as you knock an enemy into the air now to talk about the enemies I was a little bit disappointed on this front the enemy variety is somewhat lacking it's not as bad as it seems on paper but in practicality you're fighting the same handful of Craven goons about 75% of the time and you've already fought most of these enemy types in the previous game with the exception of the new brute enemy types now all having an undodgeable attack that you have to Parry instead there's also a robotic Panther that can shoot out a wave that temporarily disables your abilities that was a pretty good idea I like that but that's pretty much all I have to say about it if you played one of these Arkham games you've fought all of these basic enemy types before now the combat is usually somewhat fun most of the time just because of how fast-paced it is it is a little on the brainless side because of you constantly spamming one of your four abilities or one of your four gadgets but it also lets you take out a lot of enemies fairly quick so while it certainly doesn't have the skill ceiling that the Arkham games have especially since it has a little bit of a jankiness factor to it it's hard to describe but the game doesn't always do what you want it to do whereas in Arkham it pretty much works perfectly every button press is important this game it's much more mashy again except for the boss fights the boss fights are a significant Challenge and if I wasn't really tired while playing this game I might have actually enjoyed them with one small issue maybe not a small issue actually I would say it's a big issue that the bosses have way too much health and every single boss has multiple phases now normally a boss having multiple phases is kind of cool but in this game a lot of bosses in fact over half of the bosses have three phases and two of them have four phases that's too [ __ ] much dude there's no reason that an Arkham style boss needs to take 10 minutes to defeat especially since this is the type of game where if you sort of lose the flow and start [ __ ] up you can very easily die and then have to restart that phase over again another issue is that some of the bosses can be stun locked with your abilities and gadgets I'm not entirely sure if this is intentional and it might just be given the overly inflated health bars but normally you're supposed to dodge or Parry the four or five attack sequence and then you get your four five punches in but you can then use an ability and get another four or five punches then use another ability they'll usually they'll have a combo breaker at some point and then start attacking again which in and of itself feels very Jank because they can attack almost immediately after they do their combo breaker in later bosses this strategy doesn't work at all and I don't think I need to tell you why it's a problem that it's not clear when it's the boss's turn to attack especially when the game relies on the player's reflex is for half the challenge okay that's pretty much all I got to say about gameplay it's probably the best element of the game I'm not going to say it's bad it might not be my thing but I can certainly acknowledge that it is fun enough and it's the only reason why anybody actually enjoys this game if we're being real okay well what about the sandbox again this is much like the first game there's a lot of repetitive activities we're basically just making your way to some rooftop or some alley and beating up a bunch of dudes to progress some side quests those are completely fine because at least you're playing the game during those times one thing I will say is I completed the Sandman quest line and the conclusion was incredibly disappointing and pointless there was only one major side quest line I actually liked and here I'll give you your one and only spoiler warning for this video cuz I'm just going to spoil basically everything from here on out is I like to build up to Carnage with this whole C of the flame thing now the thing that I absolutely despise that you could probably guess is that Yuri the cop from the first game who works with Spider-Man throughout the game has now become a vigilante akin to The Punisher she's a maul ninja dressed in purple with a [ __ ] chain sickle she had a gun as a cop and is now downgraded to a [ __ ] chain sickle and swings around kind of like Spider-Man and it's implied that she kills people though we never see her actually killing anybody and there's multiple things that are cringe about this character first of all she acts like a try hard Edge Lord another case of a strong female character basically just embodying toxic masculinity traits and she talks [ __ ] to Spiderman the whole time despite being buddies with him in the last game and it's implied that a normal human with no powers no real training at least it's not shown on screen where training is is a match for Spider-Man she has her own two-phase boss fight most of the way through the quest line she got punched 10,000 times she's completely fine are you [ __ ] joking is game play Canon is gam playay canon in modern games I I really have to wonder so really the only reason why I like this Quest is the final mission where Spider-Man has to diffuse a bunch of bombs and then derail this train the train ends up nearly killing him it crushes him up to his neck and Cletus nearly Burns him alive while also obtaining a piece of the Venom Symbio and he literally even says the word Carnage if it wasn't any more clear at this point now before I devolve into just talking about all the various aspects I hate about this game I guess I'll give a very quick mention of the web swinging Now The Swinging physics are still inferior to the original Spider-Man 2 if you saw my last video you'll know I just played Spider-Man 2 so I can absolutely verify that The Swinging was more satisfying in that game because it took more skill and had much better physics it just had more momentum and felt faster than this though in reality I don't think that's actually true I believe people have done the tests before and by default in the settings there's a swing assist feature that is maxed out that makes it pretty much impossible to fail at swinging it will actually alter the momentum and the angle of your swing so that you don't hit the ground now of course about halfway through the game I turn this off to see the difference and it does feel a little bit better without the swing assist but now with the addition of the Wings suit it's harder to fail anyway because as soon as you jump at the height of your swing you can just break out the wings suit real quick and glide keeping most of your momentum and then once you slow down you start swinging again so it's even more brainless and Spider-Man with the wing suit just feels wrong and man I'm just really sick of Wing suits in general maybe because I've played so many modern games in the past decade but I think the only time I legitimately enjoyed one was just cause 3 and even then I enjoyed said wingu even more when you purchase the first DLC and it turns into an Iron Man jetpack with a machine gun and missiles ultimately I just don't really like wings suits that much anymore it was a cool novelty in that game and in Far Cry 3 and 4 but I've already seen it way too many [ __ ] times it doesn't belong in a Spider-Man game that said I might be a little critical here but I do think swinging around the city is still fun just not as fun as the original Spider-Man 2 okay that's pretty much everything that I even vaguely liked about the game we only going downhill from here I pretty much have nothing else to say positively about this game I honestly don't even know where to begin I guess we can stick with the sandbox for now and we'll cover the story later there's a lot of story-based side quest in this game that are tagged with the superhero app that this fat Asian kid named gy made for you I never played the miles moral game for obvious reasons so I had no idea who the [ __ ] this kid is and I really don't care if he's been featured in the comics he's a lame character I don't like him Spider-Man is a genius he can make his own [ __ ] gadgets okay stop taking [ __ ] away from him oh wait this whole game take [ __ ] away from him but we'll we'll get to that hold on so through this stupid superhero App instead of Spider-Man solving real problems like super villains robbing banks or killing people he decides to help randos who have some kind of trivial issue they could easily solve themselves for example you help some black woman find her Grandpa who's gotten lost in Central Park or something and you legitimately waste your time walking around the park finding some random evidence doing a [ __ ] god awful mini game and this game's full of [ __ ] mini games by the way they're just straight up padding they add nothing they require no brain power though I say that funny enough I did get stumped by an incredibly easy one at one point guys I'm feeling dumb my dumbness is activating [ __ ] mode engaged I guess that's another moment for the son of DSP compilation but of course at the end of his quest line you find the grandpa he talks about his wife and that's it that's the whole whole point of the quest is to listen to some old man reminisce about his wife when he was younger but it gets much worse than that there's another Quest where you help some old black guy free his pigeons because he's about to die and so they need to find a new home and all you do is just swing around the city with pigeons flying around you while a copyrighted song plays that's the whole [ __ ] mission and oh big shock he's dead when you come back ooh how sad there's another side Quest where you help some blind woman because apparently there's a monster in her yard it turns out it's one of these robotic Panther enemies and gkey reprograms it to be a dog a hecking paperino and you train it by shooting webs that [ __ ] in the environment and of course you give the robot dog to the lady which has a [ __ ] rainbow painted on it for some [ __ ] reason this whole game's like that that's just the tip of the iceberg for that [ __ ] oh but it gets worse it gets much much worse there's another mission where you go to Miles private school and help some Zoomer mut who I couldn't even tell was a woman until I looked closely take pictures around the school including of their [ __ ] esorts club and then the quest all of you were waiting for me to talk about where you help a gay kid ask this dude out to homecoming Spider-Man is wasting his [ __ ] [ __ ] time helping some gay kid ask out another gay kid are you [ __ ] kidding me what the hell man it's not like this is fun no you just jump around some rooftops and shoot some webs at some [ __ ] and the game forces you to watch I literally tried to leave and the game forced me to web back onto the lamp post over and over again this is what I'm talking about this is how you know it's propaganda they're shoving it down your [ __ ] throat and no it being an optional side quest is not an excuse especially since you had no way of knowing what you would see what this Quest contained unless you read it on the Internet it's just a random side quest called homecoming but arguably that's not even the worst side quest in this game oh no there's one even worse there's a side quest where you play as miles deaf girlfriend walking around spraying graffiti on walls but what's actually hilarious about this Mission well two things first of all you can actually turn on audio for this deaf girl that's being read by a real deaf person which is very unintentionally hilarious and I made the most low brow humor jokes imaginable here black hisory and black fism the go pink reflect better in person fism I futurism what kind of forever but in insomniac's Infinite Wisdom because they couldn't have this character talk to herself at least out loud because she's deaf and this is a modern video game so the protagonist has to comment on what's going on every 5 minutes or the [ __ ] soulless Golem Zoomers playing the game would get bored and turn it off I guess instead of making her just think emojis pop up on the screen deaf people apparently can't think they don't have words in their head they can read but they think in emotes that's this is I get it's so woke it circles back around to being like racist sexist aist whatever you know there's another Quest where some of the school members decide to throw a big prank and they kidnapped the school mascot which might be a setup for an okay quest in reality you're just solving brain dead puzzles the entire time light reflection puzzles that wouldn't be out of place in a shovelware PS2 game but of course about halfway through they have to Virtue signal to you and throw in a mural saying how great bipac artists are and we all need to stick together because you know women think all minorities are the same apparently and you might wonder why I'm singling out women well the lead writer of this game was a woman and we'll get into that a little bit more later because it's kind of important actually believe it or not to the plot of this game or at least one major mission in particular it becomes pretty obvious and not long afterward you go to some African art section of the city and there's a whole other side quest line about retrieving stolen instruments from this black art mum my God this game is full of [ __ ] like this dude this is actually part of the main story but you meet a scientist chick who has the non-binary flag and the monkey pox flag on her desk there's a pawn shop with the Ukraine flag on the inside which this is [ __ ] comic books this is exactly why I made those two escapism is Dead videos because modern developers will not let you escape reality you must support the current thing and this is a more minor complaint All Things Considered but this Danica podcast with this purple hair feminist chick is so cringy and unbelievable it's like the writers fundamentally don't understand what makes podcasts like Joe Rogan popular and so they have this harmless sterilized likely self-insert character who gives the most safe politically correct opinions on [ __ ] that's going on I mean J Jonah Jameson's podcast will be 10 times more popular in reality even if you don't agree with what he's saying which a lot of the times what he's saying is absolutely correct inflation through the root effectless government officials and a country on the brink of a collapse not seen since the fall of the Roman Empire he just sounds way more interesting he's actually giving a real opinion he's enthusiastic Danica is a face for radio and she's boring as [ __ ] there's no way anyone would ever listen to her before we move on I want to talk about bugs real quick this might just be the buggiest high-budget Sony release that has come out in the past 10 years now I can make excuses for a lot of minor bugs that don't really bother me that much but there are a few here that are inexcusable the first of which being that this game hard crashed my PS5 it actually overheated froze and then shut down the entire thing it then proceeded to crash two more times over the course of the story though luckily not quite as bad I also had a weird bug where the enemy AI would just glitch out and stand around and not even attack me at multiple times there was also this weird bug where I was supposed to solve this laser puzzle by pulling down a bunch of chains to block the lasers but if you pull down two of them it creates two holes in the floor so I thought oh maybe I can just jump in the holes yeah yeah yeah whatever just go through the hole wait what what I thought wait a minute what so that one was more funny than it was annoying but I thought it was worth pointing out and when miles gets his final power in the story The Game just straight up soft locked I couldn't press any button but luckily a quick load checkpoint fixed it but you'd think that one would have been pretty easy to catch so I'd have to guess it was broken by the day one patch and I know this isn't technically a bug but this game has a really bad camera in certain boss fights during the first Craven fight it would zoom in on his face and I couldn't even see my [ __ ] character model which makes it a little bit hard to dodge attacks when you can't see the spider sense over your head and there were a whole bunch of minor bugs that are not really worth going into and there were some performance issues but for the most part I think the game ran fine but it is definitely worth noting that this game was a little buggy it's got much bigger issues but I thought it was worth bringing up okay I think I've stalled enough let's finally talk about the main story and how insomniacs writers or at least the lead one absolutely hates Peter Parker now this story was a bit of a convoluted mess so much so that just 2 days after finishing it which is the time I'm recording this I basically already forgotten 80% of it and I had to go back through my footage just to create this synopsis which is really not a sign of a good story and I promise you I actually tried to pay attention this time unlike with God of War Ragnarok where I was looking at chat for probably half the game because once again that game was boring as [ __ ] so the Story begins with Sandman attacking the city why is he attack the city I guess his brain is scrambled that's pretty much as far as it goes it's explained later that he was being chased by Craven but Sandman a guy who's made of [ __ ] sand is afraid of some random Russian Hunter guy who has a magic potion that makes him somewhat stronger than a normal person now of course because we needed a new villain faction in this game Craven also has a thousand [ __ ] goons working for him I mean seriously why does he have so many badass Hunters that are full of women and people of color I mean this is the most diverse group of villains I've ever seen in any video game I guess on the bright side you get to beat the [ __ ] out of women Spider-Man hates women so much that'll break every bone in their bodies Spiderman Spider-Man beats up women cuz he can video games are so woke that beating with women is no joke but whatever that's I guess a minor complaint in the grand scheme of things because so many other games are doing it now so after you defeat Sandman with Miles [ __ ] Mary Su electric powers which are good against everything in this game seriously Spider-Man comes across some gun goons who are the least diverse enemy group in the game they are not only mostly white but they are pretty much all men and they're jacked which just made me like them more and want to be part of their Club but we get a little piece of subtle propaganda in there I think I'm going to start a petition replace all the gun clubs with something better you're right revoke the Second Amendment Spider-Man I I agree now I know people are going to debate this point whether or not it's actually woke but honestly I don't care there's much bigger fish to fry here at the end of this Mission we end up rescuing J Jona Jameson and he is one of the very few based characters in this game though obviously intentionally as he's just meant to be a right-wing caricature which is actually hilarious cuz he's almost always correct ma gargon the Scorpion has been found dead his Stinger removed like a trophy one can only assume this was at the hands of the hunters are they doing what the ineffectual Spider-Man want and removing these dangers permanently and shortly after this we get to meet miles friends fat asian kid Ganky and his deaf girlfriend this is just [ __ ] cringe man I got nothing to say about it really this is also where the pacing of the game starts to drop off of a cliff I know you're probably familiar with this already as it's a Sony game but I think specifically Spider-Man 2 is especially bad about this because even though in terms of the actual number of hours of cutscenes are not nearly as much as godvore Ragnarok there's so many things that destroy the pacing whether it's the walking simulator sections which we'll get too soon or the horrible mini games and puzzles like I mentioned earlier there's so many moments in this game where you're not just playing as Spider-Man aka swinging through the city and beating up bad guys which is the reason why anybody would want to play a [ __ ] Spider-Man game and exactly why the original Spider-Man 2 is better than this game the main storyline of this game is somewhere between 12 and 15 hours depending on what you consider part of the story which is more than twice as long as the entirety of the original Spider-Man 2 on PS2 but if you cut out all of the fluff and I mean basically anything that isn't playing as Peter or miles and swinging around the city or beating up bad guys this story would also only be about 6 hours long that's how much padding is in this it is absolutely insane and inexcusable okay okay enough stalling back to the story so so soon afterward Peter goes back home and we finally get to see the new Mary Jane and oh my God she's hideous what's wrong your face Mary Jane more like manly jaw she looks old enough to be Peter's mom and with a giant [ __ ] man jaw that is a man dude look at that body wide shoulders no hips flat ass that is a man and the worst thing is we know she's a face scan model we also know what her face used to look like in the old game and this is what her model actually looks like okay now here's the big twist this is what the lead writer for this game looks like oh yeah that's not a coincidence Mary Jane is 100% a self-insert in this game and that becomes very obvious near the end but we'll get to that later and now in a [ __ ] superhero game we spend the next 5 minutes cleaning up a house and we get a flashback to when Peter was a teenager and he punched a hole in his wall and a May helped him don't care ant may had it coming In fact I hope they bring her back and kill her a second time in the next game now the game decides to waste the next 30 minutes building up Peter and Harry Osborne's friendship as we saw in the beginning they're not even pretending to make it a Twist that he's Venom in this game they pretty much gave it away so the Venom Symbio is helping him fight off his cancer so now he's completely fine to do physical activities there's a walking simulator mission where you ride bikes are we going to really have a bike riding Mission just make it a cut scene please no dude don't make me don't do it don't make me ride my bike in a straight line it better be a cutscene [ __ ] you [ __ ] you and then you have a flashback back to when they were both in high school and it's incredibly boring and a colossal waste of time and I might as well bring this up now but this game has some God awful dialogue I mean ripped straight from Reddit Paparazzi is bad enough a Paparazzi with guns oh my God not Paparazzi with guns epic an impromptu shot of ponage in action I'm not AER no takers just me okay well you know you you come to me for the real real so I'm just trying to deliver I'm like a be real estate agent a be estate agent okay you sound I'm peachy I'm peachy just peachy I'm very Reddit chungus right now hey he isn't at the gardens either but I found his inhaler and was able to science my way into creating a trail I was able to science my way not losing him again could you not please I'd like to keep my fight party did you not the spider could not satisfy but you how many gay jokes are in this [ __ ] game shall be your first I shall be your first oh my oh okay they're doing it on purpose now so on our next mission are two Spiderman and yes they call each other Spiderman gee I'm sure that wouldn't be confusing at all to the public especially when one sounds black and is clearly wearing a different costume our guarding a ship carrying the Scorpion and some other prisoners from the raft as Craven shows up to break them out for his great hunt as it comes up later in the plot Craven is dying of cancer even his magic potions can't save him so he wants to fight the ultimate foe who can finally give him an honorable death and as you can imagine this makes him one of the only other based characters in this game at least he has a pretty understandable motivation his design is straight ripped from the comics it looks great Craven was certainly one of the only good characters in this game even if I don't really like the idea of him having a thousand minions I mean where's the sport in hunting this ultimate prey if you have an entire Army capturing them for you to fight them in single combat isn't part of hunting tracking them down yourself but whatever the two Spider-Man fail and there's this whole subplot with Miles trying to resist killing Martin Lee aka Mr negative from the first game because he killed his father Jefferson Davis which yes everyone has pointed out the funny irony of him being named that that was kind of the point yes and you would think with Miles Morales being Peter Parker's student Protegé Apprentice whatever you want to call it that maybe Peter would help him forgive Martin Lee or maybe at least resist the urge to kill him nope miles does this all on his own in fact miles takes care of all of his problems on his own but not just his but also Peter's problems and people say he's not meant to be a replacement well this game basically straight up tells you that he should replace Spider-Man so you're just [ __ ] lying to yourself and it's an embarrassing lie now I hope you enjoyed that mission cuz the next one is another walking simulator one Hooray at the Emily May Foundation where they shove another environmentalist message into your head by no exaggeration this was 20 straight minutes of slowly walking around and listening to all of these really cool inventions that are going to save the world it is some of the most boring [ __ ] I've ever done in a video game man it is straight up awful and there's only so many times I can say that but I didn't care about any of it the end result is Spider-Man gets a job there wow hooray not too long after this moment scorpion gets killed by Craven which was legitimately kind of kind of enjoyable moment though something I've noticed that this game series has in common with the MCU is they have no problem with killing all villains apparently shocker Electro and vulture all get killed off screen in this game so by the time this game is over half of Spider-Man's Rogues Gallery are either dead or reformed cuz yes there's multiple reform villains too in this I know some people are going to disagree with me on this but I really think it's a waste of potential to just kill off almost every villain after their first appearance especially since even though Spider-Man has one of the greatest groups of villains of any Marvel character it's still only so deep I don't think Green Goblin's going to be enough to carry the third game but I guess that's a problem for 5 years down the line at this rate so the next mission we finally get to see The Return of Black Cat and guess what Peter doesn't even get to interact with her no this is a miles moral mission for some reason and they tease that doctor strange is going to show up but no it's just black cat stealing a teleporting scroll and you'll never guess why apparently now she's a lesbian and she uses the scroll to teleport to Paris so she can get with her girlfriend are you [ __ ] joking and what adds insult to injury is black cat is one of the only vaguely attractive women in this entire game there is no other explanation for this except that the writers hate Peter Parker and they hate Peter Parker's fans all the self-insert nerd people who Spider-Man was literally made for that's why he's one of the most popular superhero characters ever since his creation is because he is the perfect self-insert for the Nerds who were reading comic books and so Peter Parker's life is [ __ ] man so many bad things happen to him it is a running Trope across all of his comic book series and so what did they do they gave him a supermodel girlfriend so that he has one thing in his life one good thing to keep him going so he doesn't just blow his [ __ ] brains out and what do they do in the games they take that away from him by making her a [ __ ] 50-year-old manjaw and although black cat is still somewhat attractive in the comics she was a [ __ ] bombshell dude easily one of the most attractive characters just like you know Catwoman who she's blatantly a ripoff of and while the Arkham games came out before the wokeness explosion every development studio just compare what Catwoman looked like in Arkham City or Arkham Knight to this I mean [ __ ] in the '90s cartoon which was four children they made sure to make black cat hot as [ __ ] you were terrific back there and I'd be proud to have you fight by my side really care about you partners that and maybe more and so you know what this isn't just a slight against Peter Parker this is a slight against me specifically [ __ ] you Insomniac and [ __ ] anybody who praises encourages or even is just okay with ugly art cuz that's exactly what this game is it's disgusting demoralizing propaganda trash and the little cherry on top was an especially bad bit of dialogue that I had to hear four times cuz I kept dying during this part think they're here for the sea lion exhibit oh I want to see that did you know sea lions to swim up to 25 mph I want to I want to see the sea lion you know that are you [ __ ] joking I seriously have to ask you if you're one of my black viewers which believe it or not is 12% of my stream audience at the very least do you actually think Miles Morales is cool and I mean Insomniac version I think the spiderverse one is completely fine but Insomniac Miles Morales is [ __ ] and you can't change my mind they tried to make him just Peter Parker but with black skin but he's actually worse than that he's a [ __ ] whiny nerd [ __ ] now this is about the time where the story starts to just become pure padding we get a mission at an amusement park where we get to see that Mysterio and Tombstone are now good guys now do we get any real explanation for how this happened of course not no it would actually be cool to see how these villains redeem themselves they would actually have to earn it but no not one villain that gets redeemed earns it in this game the third one being Mr negative which was pretty [ __ ] obvious anyone could have guessed that and after miles goes into this weird VR universe that Mysterio came up with and fight some guys then it just becomes a walking simulator Mission as Peter where you get to do a bunch of Carnival mini games that are pretty half-ass and some of them are literally just watching someone enjoy a ride as someone who's actually been to multiple theme parks throughout his life including one of the greatest roller coaster parks in the world Cedar Point you should actually go and do these things instead of trying to live vicariously through a video game trust me it's worth it so anyway Craven's goons show up they kidnap Tombstone and finally after lot of unnecessary buildup Harry uses the Venom symbiot to help save the day and I actually kind of like this part of the story even if again it does feel like padding Harry is trying to be a superhero too but he can't really control the Venom Symbio all that well and as a nice throwback to the comics the next time they team up he's wearing a costume very reminiscent of the Agent Venom costume which is when Flash Thompson got the Venom symbiote yes that really happened so after saving tombstone in the next mission we kind of get to see just how ridiculous it is that he's a good guy now I mean he literally filed his teeth down into basically shark teeth he's a giant [ __ ] Thug and we're supposed to accept that I don't know he just had a change of heart off screen and then we get to see a little bit of a tease that the Venom symbiote wants to be attached to Peter not Harry H could that possibly be foreshadowing after some more padding with Miles that isn't even worth mentioning we get one of the worst missions in the game Insomniac heard everyone's complaints about the Mary Jane missions in the first game and instead of addressing criticism like many modern egotistical developers they decided to double down now the Mary Jane missions have turned into glorify The Last of Us missions I mean seriously and Sony games have so little confidence in the average players's abilities that the tutorial extends not just beyond some simple prompts no the very first enemy you sneak up to can't kill you how's it going kill her take her out kill her what the [ __ ] no and even when you get to the actual gameplay part where you can die these enemies are so deaf and brain dead you can straight up Sprint up to them and stealth kill them in fact you can do it to two enemies in a row if you're fast enough checking it out they're so dumb as soon as Mary Jane takes cover and goes around a corner they lose sight of her and are all confused and don't keep tracking your location all of this on top of the fact that a single taser to the neck knocks them out when normally it takes like eight punches to knock out a b basic enemy as Spider-Man who has super strength now this is the part where some nerd says um actually he holds back against normal humans otherwise he would kill them yeah but he holds back so much that it takes eight punches versus one taser why doesn't he just have electric fists at this point in fact Miles Morales could just electrically charge his punches to knock out people instantly this game play is so unbelievably bad dude it is truly an embarrassment and when we finally make it through this segment the whole point of this mission was to rescue Dr Connors aka the lizard but of course Craven shows up right before she can rescue him and actually we get a pretty cool moment where the girl boss finally gets defeated and briefly we get to play Spider-Man again only for them to take away control in just 5 minutes by having Peter get stabbed by Craven we don't even get a boss battle here no Insomniac thought it would be more interesting for him to get stabbed during a cutscene and then we get this major fake out as if Peter Parker is going to [ __ ] die halfway through the story in a Spider-Man game and to the shock of absolutely no one the Venom Symbio attaches to Peter and he gets the black suit now you would think there would be a lot of tension right here because now Harry is going to start dying from his cancer again which honestly if you think about it doesn't really make sense you would think the Venom symbiote would just kill all of the cancer cells in his body and then he would be fine but I guess that wouldn't be dramatically interesting and I'm fine with the route they chose what I do have an issue with is that it takes far too long for Harry to start turning evil instead we get a very very half-ass bully Maguire sequence because the writers are giant cowards most of the time Spider-Man isn't even an [ __ ] and it doesn't help that Yuri lenthal is a very bad one note voice actor who has only managed to have such a prolific career despite his lack of any vocal range for purely nepotistic reasons and no I'm not going to elaborate on that you'll just have to look it up but voice acting aside Peter's steady decline into being a total chud was very sloppily handled to the point where he goes from being relatively normal but slightly more confident into a complete sociopath and then a monster over the course of like one Mission it actually felt like multiple missions were cut from this game story because the change happen so suddenly so next up we have a spy infiltration Mission as Peter discovers the location of where Craven's goons are hanging out having a party and we get to see yet another huge woke moment and everyone just thinks this is okay this is fine this totally means nothing Your Lying Eyes your pattern recognition that's just skitso [ __ ] I was seriously disgusted when I saw this and it doesn't help that most of this mission is yet another walking simulator Mission you get into a couple fights at the end and it almost seemed like we were going to have a reenactment of the famous 9s shocker scene that I'm sure we all remember shock you can't escape me I'll chase you to the edge of the Earth but no the actual Craven fight is a lot more lame than that the whole point is Spider-Man learns that the Venom symbiote is weak to Sonic frequencies but weirdly enough the Symbiote is not weak to fire in this game at least not directly there's even a part where Venom later on walks straight through fire and doesn't get hurt that seems like kind of an unnecessary change from the comics but I guess it doesn't really matter that much so now we're up to two moments where we could have had a boss fight with Craven but didn't and I want to remind you that we're over 5 hours into the game story and the only boss was at the very beginning if I didn't make it clear enough already the pacing in this game is completely off where it's not just really slow but after having to watch all these cutcenes or holding forward in the walking simulator sequences or solving these brain dead mini games you're then thrown a really long high octane action sequence where the game expects you to suddenly be on top of your game let's just say that didn't mix well with my ADHD brain it was starting to piss me off by this point next mission Peter returns to the Emily May Foundation to team up with Harry to create a serum to return the lizard back to his human form but since Craven is now trying to hunt Peter the hunters attack and destroy the foundation and this is where it's implied that Harry starts turning down the path of evil and now we finally get to the E3 free demo Mission and you've already seen all this already you know exactly what happens even if you didn't play the game so it's not really worth covering you chase down the lizard it's a huge cinematic sequence where you're barely even touching the controller you know it's a good game when you can play it with one hand finally next mission we catch up with the lizard and get a real boss fight and my only real complaint with this is something I didn't mention back in the gamep playay section but every single boss fight has an insane amount of dialogue during it and look I'm not arguing this on the basis of realism I couldn't care less about that aspect to be honest what I do care about is most of the dialogue is [ __ ] or just completely unnecessary once again it feels like this is there to hold Zoomer attention but I feel like it is absolutely misplaced here if you're fighting a boss that requires you to pay attention to what the enemy is doing so you can react accordingly the talking is just a d raction people can say I have a skill issue with this game that's completely fine by me but I am not lying to you when I tell you that the talking unironically distracted me and made me worse at the game and halfway through the fight it turns into a Chase sequence across New York which actually was a kind of fun part admittedly but Craven I guess as an homage to King Kong manages to snipe the lizard off a building with a crossbow even though just seconds ago we saw cops yes theop s apparently exist in this game despite their extremely reduced presence yeah that's something you'll probably notice as a response to a common game journalist complaint about Spider-Man helping the police I know a [ __ ] superhero helps the police what a crazy idea right Insomniac decide to remove the police from all but just maybe two or three missions in the entire game and I don't think Spider-Man even ever directly interacts with them but anyway to get back to my point point we see the police shoot at Craven with assault rifles and it does nothing yet one shot from a [ __ ] crossbow is enough to take lizard off the building which ultimately doesn't matter cuz there's still another phase of the boss battle and Peter injects him with the Cure and rescues him from drowning and now we get one of the big plot twists of the story that the Venom Symbio is in fact an alien which everyone who's read any comic or seen the cartoon knows that he's an alien the only reason this is even a plot twist is because it seemed like a fake out that they were going to do the Ultimate Universe version of the story where he was made in a lab so I'm kind of glad they actually stuck to the comics on this one and Dr Connors warns Peter that the Venom symbiote corrupts your mind and now of course since we've been told this in the story all of a sudden Peter's transformation into a monster skyrockets from this point forward because we got to rush this [ __ ] along we got two main characters there's no time to develop one complete plot line and ironically even though a lot of people kind of [ __ ] talk that you play Miles Morales for about half this game Miles Morales has almost nothing to do with any of this his subplot with Mr negative is the only connection to the main plot we really could have used more development with chud mode Peter as I'm going to call him because he doesn't really act like Bully Maguire he just acts kind of like a crazy animal psycho guy which I don't know is kind of just more boring I would like it if it was a more subtle descent and Peter just realized that the suit was making him evil not it being so blatantly obvious to the audience and in your face and I actually want to suggest a secondary option if you don't want a more mature serious route you could just do what the 9s cartoon did believe it or not in the original Comics the black suit didn't actually corrupt Peter's mind that was an idea the cartoon came up with first and let me give you a little bit of a sample of what that sounded like it's like this I'm through with not getting what I want that's funny I give up too I give up trying to be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and I actually think this could have made for an interesting opportunity in the game as well maybe throw one of Peter's seist villains at him and he just [ __ ] brutalizes him or even better actually kills him that would have set up a great character development moment where he realizes what the suit has done to him and then he has to tear it off himself now of course that's not the story this game is going for and speaking of all of this this is when we get to the next Mary Jane Mission if you've been sticking to the main story it hasn't even been 2 hours since the last one we have to play as Mary Jane again and I had enough of this [ __ ] so I just speed ran that and this is when I really pushed the limits of how bad the stealth system was and the setup for this is just as cringe as the mission itself basically Peter finally needs to sleep after you know saving the world a million times and while he's sleeping Venom takes over his body meanwhile MJ has to defend the house and single-handedly tases like 20 Hunters by herself and if this Mission wasn't bad enough it ends with Mary Jane cornering Peter in a tunnel and she sees that he's become a monster and so there's a little bit of a chase scene that is almost impossible to fail by the way and I had to let go of the controller for several seconds for Peter to catch up and we get a very Lame Game Over sequence oh thank God Jesus Christ that took way too long oh and the cherry on top failing the QuickTime events here does nothing yes this is yet another Sony game where the QuickTime events are meaningless and so what are the results of this Mission well Mary Jane writes a scathing article about Spider-Man for J Jonah James okay is that really supposed to be a source of conflict between these two you could easily just reason it away as MJ trying to keep her job but because Peter is in chud mode now he's obviously pissed about it and luckily right after this we get the only legitimately good dramatic scene in the entire game I need that suit back you can't have it Pete um Venom is my wifeu what do you remember about last night I just remember feeling tired you're not yourself that suit is changing you disgusting stop zooming in on her she's so gross yeah it's pretty great isn't it why don't you pop some more pills and say what you're really feeling hey don't I'm busting my ass out there trying to save you and this is what I get I said don't I saw your story I tried to tell you about that yeah but you didn't did you I can't lose this job your job is to write the truth I did the truth is I'm the hero here not you yeah everything he's saying is correct though am I supposed to think he's a bad guy he's actually being objectively correct I have no genuine critiques here if even half of the scenes in the game were like this I wouldn't complain about all of the cutscenes and the walking simulator sequences this is why I wanted more of Peter with the black suit because we get to see one of our favorite Heroes our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man who genuinely tries to be as good a person as possible slowly be corrupted and become more arrogant it's just inherently pretty interesting unfortunately this is pretty much all we get outside of him acting like a weird sociopathic rage monster in just a second after this not to mention that little scene right there is a massive source of drama while that in the fact that he was neglecting His Butt Buddy Miles yes that is a real plot point that he wasn't answering miles calls and so now he's upset at him and so the writers Force Peter to apologize for the rest of the game despite the fact it's not his [ __ ] fault that Venom was influencing his mind get ready for this point to come back up later and this next mission was actually pretty solid as well basically miles ends up tracking down Mr negative he's been captured by Craven they have a 1v1 boss battle where Miles decides obviously not to kill him which I think is definitely the wrong move it's way too boring it's yet another thing that makes miles way too similar to Peter but without any of the character character flaws so anyway instead of killing Mr negative he helps him escape and so off screen miles fights Craven 1 V one and spoilers he loses remember that for later so of course Peter shows up he goes ballistic and again this just shows the writers are completely toothless because despite beating the absolute [ __ ] out of all these goons he never actually kills anybody so anyway you fight your way there you fight Craven in a 1 V one boss battle that's actually admittedly pretty good even if I was pissed off at the time on the stream the second phase of the fight is one of the only boss fights in the game with a legitimate gimmick that being the symbiot weakness to Sonic frequencies so you have to like web up this Bell right but just as Spider-Man might kill Craven now notice how I say might because he hasn't even knocked Craven unconscious that's an important plot Point here he's still choking him out as miles shows up in attack Peter to stop him from killing Craven now here we have the first major moment of the story that legitimately pissed me off despite losing to Craven in a 1V one fight miles is able to defeat Peter with the symbiote suit on and I just know there's going to be people making excuses for this saying that well Miles by electricity abilities are more effective on the Symbiote and he also could ring the bell in the arena well first all it's [ __ ] stupid that his electricity is good against everything in this game yeah not a single enemy resists his powers in any way in fact most of the time it's the opposite and while the Bell argument is fine I still don't think it should have been enough miles already feels like a Gary stew in a bunch of moments throughout this game but this is truly the moment that solidified his place as the replacement for Peter Parker because not only does the student surpass the master but a more powerful version of his master at that and again it robs Peter Parker of a great character development moment he could have had it is embarrassing when the '90s cartoon with its over-the-top voice acting handled this better than the hundred million AAA video game so with the help of Miles Peter rips the suit off and they capture it and they have a conversation on a nearby rooftop which is the beginning of Peter's various graling apologizing moments that you're going to get for the rest of the story none of this was his fault Venom was manipulating his mind Peter didn't even choose to put the [ __ ] suit on Venom latched to him to save him from dying so remind me how the [ __ ] any of this Behavior any of his actions were his fault when he was being mind contr trolled so anyway Peter decides that they need to destroy Venom because he's simply too dangerous you can't afford to give him back to Harry because Norman is working on a different cure which of course as you could probably guess is the goblin serum so Peter makes his way back to Connor's lab alone which is kind of stupid and Harry is there waiting for him and the Venom symbiote just kind of breaks out of containment after a dramatic moment between the two of them and in yet another contrived moment Venom is born and he is way more powerful than he was being attached to Peter which is not explained in any way but I will let it slide because it's a rule of cool moment and this Venom is more overpowered than the comic book version at least in the 9s Comics that I read anyway because he's now like 12 ft tall and basically unkillable from this point forward you're going to see a lot over the course of this game they wanted Venom to be a planewide threat which is kind of a problem because Spider-Man is a street level hero and it's already been confirmed that the Avengers and Doctor Strange exist in this universe so this is a little too much to ask for someone in Spider-Man's power level but I'll admit this is actually just a minor complaint cuz for me personally I thought everything that happens from this point forward was actually pretty cool even if a lot of it was poorly written in certain ways and Venom is one of my favorite anti-heroes villains though don't expect him to come back as an anti-hero he is clearly [ __ ] evil in this version I'm guessing this can be explained Away by the fact that Harry Osborne is dying and he wanted to save the world through environmentalism and so this is influencing Venom to have this Global plot to turn everyone into symbiotes whereas Eddie Brock just hated Peter Parker and the Venom Symbio acted like a scorned ex-girlfriend in the original comic book version so there was obviously a lot of potential for Redemption there and I like anti-heroes who kill people like the Punisher so it kind of sucks that this version is just blatantly evil but yet again I have derailed from the plot synopsis the good news is this is the best mission in the game cuz you actually get to play as Venom but only for this mission and the game play is extremely basic you're basically just spamming square and hitting Circle to block or deflect projectiles but it actually feels like a superhero game like Hulk Ultimate Destruction the only thing it's missing is being able to pick up and throw cars but it's pretty much got the rest and you beat the absolute [ __ ] out of like aund of Norman Osborne's goons then you beat up a bunch of hunters and finally Craven shows up you get another boss battle you abs absolutely wipe the floor with him and then Venom chops his head off which is easily the best moment in the entire game finally it felt like there were Stakes there were consequences to actions and best of all it was just a really cool and fun moment it was very simplistic but it doesn't go on too long and the boss fight was decent enough though more brain dead than the rest easily given how simplistic the gameplay was for that mission but I will take simple and fun over complex and overly drawn out boring crap which a lot of the rest of this game is composed of the only real problem I have with this entire sequence is that it just makes the entire Craven plotline feel kind of pointless he existed purely to be a jobber to Venom to make venom seem like a real threat the most powerful thing that Spider-Man has faced so far because we just got to see how badass Raven was he easily killed scorpion he was able to fight Spider-Man with the Symbio almost to a standstill he defeated miles I'll be it off screen but much later right at the end of the game Miles Morales is a match for Venom he fights Venom in single combat and is able to fend him off and Peter gets a plot device power that allows him to fight Venom there's a real reason miles does not so the power levels are [ __ ] in this game okay I just had to rant about that for a second and now we're finally in the third act and unfortunately we get yet another hour plus of padding before the end we definitely should have only gotten maybe one or two more missions here and then the final fight with Venom but I guess they had to build up how crazy over the toop the stakes are because now Venom is turning normal people into symbiotes and so Peter actually uses his smarts for once and recalibrates his Sonic Blast Gadget to stun the Symbio which I guess that makes sense that's okay but the game just keeps going there's a mission where you have to rescue miles mom and gany from a Subway why the hell is this even a mission again it's just padding it's like they forgot that Miles has nothing to do with this [ __ ] story so they just had to insert this here now we get to arguably the worst part of the entire game the scream boss battle Mary Jane gets infected with the Symbio and she turns into scream who actually is a Symbio from the comics and we get the most blatant transparent feminist rant I think I've ever heard in a video game I'm just going to play some clips from the boss battle and you could judge for yourself done begging for validation from you from anyone validation if this is about your job this is about me me it's not my job stupid house typical woman me me me don't listen to those voices they are telling the truth I hurt them too I know how it feels always about you you can't keep a job you can't P the morgage did he do without Spider-Man look how it's doing with you I can still fix this I always do we always do I always come second I live in your shadow where my dreams turn to dust remember your book you said you want to help people nobody read it yeah cuz there [ __ ] I think most of this game was written by a woman help me no it didn't shut the [ __ ] up Peter you're such a bad liar really you're book helped me MJ looking for answers please because you a [ __ ] I don't believe in for a man I despise so you can be happy I was wrong you don't have to trust me but please trust yourself let me do what I have to do you're right I've been selfish I was so wrapped up in my own life I never thought about yours [ __ ] you just want to stay the stronger half F don't feel special anymore what no you're stronger than me in so many ways Watson where are you with my Apple frits I'm starving and I kiss my ass I quit what up you're so cool what the actual [ __ ] if anyone says this is a good story stop listening them please for love of God man I got nothing more to say here that I didn't already say during the stream this was painfully bad Mary Jane is obviously the self-insert of the lead writer for this game and this rant must be directed toward her ex-boyfriends or some [ __ ] because this is some of the most out of touch narcissistic [ __ ] I think I've heard in any piece of entertainment it reads like a parody and before anybody says that oh that's the point because she's got a Symbio on her so that's not really what she thinks no the Symbio is enhancing what she already felt and that's why Peter is constantly [ __ ] apologizing and acting like a [ __ ] the entire time [ __ ] you Insomniac it's unbelievable I've got nothing more to say really So eventually Peter gets attacked by a bunch of Symbiotes at the same time and they're trying to bring his Trace Venom molecules in his bloodstream or whatever and so Miles a Mr negative team up to go inside of the Negative Zone in his brain or something I don't know how the [ __ ] this works it happened earlier in the game and I just skimmed over it cuz who gives a [ __ ] basically you just fly through the shadow realm and you fight a bunch of melee only enemies who you can in initely air juggle yes this is that brain dead at least we get a throwback to the first game with the Sinister 6 getting a little cameo in there and this Mission ends with Peter getting the antivenom Powers if you haven't heard of anti venom yes he does come from the comics and it is Eddie Brock in the comics who of course doesn't exist in insomniacs Universe because he had too much Chad energy I guess and the whole purpose of anti venom is to kill symbiotes so you know what that means it means that these new bullet spongy enemies that you've been fighting for the last hour can actually be defeated normally thank God but the worst part of this Mission comes right at the very end as despite Peter now having a real reason to contribute something that makes him stand out for miles since miles is pretty much just him but better he says this why would the city need me when it has you now all of you can stop coping seething and dilating claiming that Marvel's not trying to replace Peter Parker since he's a straight white male Insomniac just straight up told you that miles should replace Peter because he's better in every way and he's also an oppressed minority and he's very cultured and Peter at the rip old age of 26 is busted and slow and useless despite just being given a power which would justify his existence in this plot this is where they decide to put this line This is the writers saying [ __ ] you to the audience and that they hate Spider-Man people who hate Spider-Man were put in charge of writing a Spider-Man story you know kind of just like comic books over the past like 15 years but Sony fans are [ __ ] idiots they'll eat this slop up they don't care cuz they hate themselves they are the soy boy beta male redditors who hate themselves okay back to the blot Venom is trying to retrieve this meteorite from Dr Connor's lab that he landed in from space somehow this thing will help him infect everybody with symbiotes it's not really explained and we get an almost good scene with Norman Osborne seeing what has become of his son and Spider-Man shows up right in the nick of time but of course it's way too early for a boss fight here so Venom gets a hold of the other piece of the meteor right and I'll admit I don't even remember when he got the first piece again I was trying to pay attention but this [ __ ] was very boring and we're given an actually interesting ethical dilemma Dr Connors tells Peter that he has to kill Harry to stop Venom whereas Norman Osborne wants him to save his son unfortunately because this is a modern superhero story Spider-Man doesn't consider killing Harry for even a second so it's not really a real moral dilemma but we almost had something interesting there and as Peter escapes the building we get to see that New York is already covered in giant tendrils of symbiote slime and we meet up with Miles again and he has the ugliest [ __ ] superhero costume I think I've ever seen and so you would think now we get to the last mission nope there's another mission where they have to infiltrate the Symbiote nest and get this meteorite that's going to help him infect the entire world the Symbiotes or whatever who cares the real issue is that this is another [ __ ] Mary Jane Mission and it becomes a straight up third person shooter if it wasn't obvious enough that they were trying to make a discount Last of Us with the last two Mary Jane missions it just straight up is a shooter and it's so brain dead so [ __ ] unbelievably easy and brain dead this game's combat system despite my personal complaints is good I don't think it's as good as like AR night but it's good this is not [ __ ] good this is terrible it feels so half assed Mary Jane shouldn't have even [ __ ] been here she has unbelievable plot armor at this point that she can go into a nest full of symbiot and defeat all of them and come out unscathed the amount of secondhand cringe I got from playing this is unbelievable it's almost funny but it's not because you have to play it so now we find finally get to the huge Showdown with Venom and guess what your anti-venom debuff that worked on every other version of the Symbiote suddenly doesn't work until the second phase of the boss why I don't know cuz I guess we had to drag out this boss battle for four [ __ ] forms and two out of those four forms you're playing is Miles Morales because he's there he exists he has to contribute this is clearly Peter's moment to fight his best friend that is the drama buildup of the story and they still had to have you play as Miles Morales for this second half of the fight no less so Miles gets the final ingame blows against Venom against Harry Osborne a character he barely knows and yet they still Force [ __ ] dialogue between the two of them as if he has any emotional investment in what's going on I don't care what anybody says this is forced as [ __ ] he shouldn't even be here anyway after some really over-the-top [ __ ] Peter finally purges Venom from Harry's body and he starts dying from his cancer again meanwhile MJ runs the meteorite through the particle accelerator yes MJ's here too and they destroy it which conveniently vaporizes all of the Symbiote webbing and all of the minor symbiotes from the city yes it's one of those shitty plot lines where it's like a hive mine that can be killed so that there's no real consequences to the story and speaking of lack of consequences Harry doesn't even die here as he's about to Miles defibrillators which ultimately doesn't even [ __ ] matter cuz Harry's still in a coma unless they're going to turn him into Green Goblin in the next one which is sort of an implication but I hope they subvert their subversion and just have it be Norman Osborne be Green Goblin because Harry being the villain twice in a row would be kind of [ __ ] but again it just shows how toothless these writers are they couldn't even kill Harry Osborne this would have been the perfect moment to do it but no miles has to be the black Messiah and he saves Harry even though he might as well be functional he dead and then we get yet another [ __ ] terrible scene where Peter takes a break from being Spider-Man to be Peter Parker now some people have interpreted this as him retiring and Miles taking up the mantle but you and me both know that Spider-Man 3 would [ __ ] bomb much like Miles Morales did if miles was now permanently Spider-Man so of course Peter's going to come out of retirement in the next one but it's still as cringe as [ __ ] and then we get two credit scenes one in the middle of the credits where Norman meets up with Doc O obviously they're going to team up in the next one and then the end credits scene where it shows mil's mom is dating some dorky fat asian guy and his daughter is Cindy Moon AKA silk so we're now going to have three Spider-Man in the next one instead of spider Gwen it's going to be silk because it wasn't enough to have a minority Spider-Man we now also need a woman Spider-Man in fact just [ __ ] kill Peter Parker already I'm tired of this [ __ ] this story [ __ ] sucks so in conclusion should you buy Spider-Man well you already did or you already didn't but just in case you were waiting for my review no don't buy this w piece of trash do I need to remind you of the gay homecoming dance Mission do I need to remind you where you play as mil's deaf girlfriend do I need to remind you that this is one giant story to set up Peter Parker's replacement even though miles had almost nothing to do with the overall plot you could have easily cut him out of this game and just had Peter team up with Mr negative or maybe exploit Venom's weakness to Sonic or you know bring back his comic weakness to fire maybe have human torch show up because he's actually friends with human torch in the comics literally anything other than playing as other Spider-Man for no [ __ ] reason other than diversity points and the spider-verse movies are surprisingly popular that's pretty much it so yeah is the game play good yes but you're not even playing the game play that much of this story dude I mean sure if you're one of those people who likes 100% in games plenty of sandbox is just fighting guys but honestly I'm tired of that [ __ ] I just want a good [ __ ] story and not even necessarily a story but a good campaign right but no the campaign missions in this are some of the worst parts of the game where you're just swinging around the city having a good time fighting some bad guys kind of like the OG Spider-Man 2 it's actually a decent game but as soon as you start doing any of these woke side quests or the extremely terribly written story for the numerous reasons I outlined earlier in the video then it starts going to [ __ ] it's just terribly paced I never thought I would say an insomniac game has terrible pacing given their track record with Spyro and Ratchet and Clank which are both vast majority gameplay same goes for Sunset Overdrive but no this this is another legitimate Sony certified Movie game and it's not even a good movie it's a mish mash of a bunch of different famous plot lines from the comics but for no reason I mean Craven's last hunt doesn't even play into this except just to set up Venom that's it and Craven was the best character so yes Insomniac is dead at least to me I'm sure this game will make money it's a Spider-Man game of course it will but clearly they don't have very many talented developers at their studio anymore they blundered this game in a lot of different ways and they clearly care more about pushing their Progressive politics than they do about telling a good St story many such cases I want to remind you that I used to be a massive fan of Sony I loved my PS1 my PS2 I even liked my PS3 and the sad thing is I used to love superheroes too I grew up on my dad's comic books I played a bunch of great superhero games growing up and more recently I played some great PS2 Classics I'd never touched before be sure to check out my last superhero games video if you want to hear me talk about some good games Infamous 2 is one of my favorite games of all time and that's exactly how a superhero game should be done well Sony's [ __ ] dead to me now I look forward to putting this on the worst games of 2023 not because it's objectively as bad as for spoken or Gollum or Immortals of avium but because I despise this game much like I despise Starfield so that's about it see you next time guys all right here we go miles no choose life not bad not bad okay that's more fun than I've had in the last several hours playing this game

Channel: Synthetic Man

Views: 829,265

Keywords:

Id: PnYPEfhmGlE

Length: 81min 15sec (4875 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 02 2023