Slipknot’s Corey Taylor Confronts His Childhood Trauma | The Therapist

I am healing I am healed I am heal I am home I am home okay now you're gonna inhale through your nose [Music] I'm healing I am healed I am home [Music] my name is dr. Surrey Satnam Singh I'm a licensed therapist this week I'm sitting down with a Grammy award-winning heavy-metal artists who is still processing abuse of his childhood and how it impacts him as a father he's the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour this is Corey Taylor [Music] it's the so it stops the [Music] it [Music] [Music] they're reading some of your lyrics I oh they really are very moving all thank you for a therapist I would be concerned [Laughter] the devil in I that song in particular is one of those things where it was like I had to write that song to be able to figure out how I was dealing with the death of my friend a lot of people who lose people in in violent tragedy it's a scar that never heals becomes septic and all of a sudden everything your life is polluted by it we have an addiction to light in this culture this is dark yeah yeah and I always say the divine is also in the dark all of my tattoos are they deal with that they deal with the duality because you can't have that dedication to good without admitting the fact that there is darkness I had hypotheses that you mask yourself in your childhood so do you have taken your childhood experience and found another one where it's being personified yeah yeah yeah the situation I was in when I was a kid it was difficult just dealing with abuse moving around a lot you know so I really tried to mask it and overcompensate by just running emotionally mentally and I didn't want to deal with a lot of things so it was just you and Mom right me my mom and my sister we didn't have any money and there was no real protection from a lot of the things that we were being exposed to such as domestic violence especially against especially against women especially against us sexual violations like pornography yeah like yeah a little bit harm ever seen adults engage in a sexual act yeah yeah it was hearing noises in the other room yeah and and and we moved around a lot too so there was really no sense of safety you know I mean there's something that comes with being able to identify with a certain place in a certain room and a certain safety that comes with it you know I my bedroom was everything from a closet to a bathtub so in a lot of ways I had to adapt quickly to a lot of different if issues episodes and honestly restructuring of people living in the house because boyfriends would come boyfriends would go your father my dad I didn't meet my dad until I was 30 so I mean and then so it it made you hyper tentative hyper protective and I don't know maybe also contained within yourself because she had no safety you couldn't share yeah so you had to hold a lot in yeah yeah and it had to go somewhere drugs what were your drugs in the past but when I was a speed freak I was a kid yeah like I could stay up and I could run and I could go and I could do these things in it and in a way it almost kind of evened me out like I could yank because you were maybe depressed yeah absolutely yeah very much so um when I was 17 I had owed heed for the second time I was at a party and there's a lot of different things flying around the last thing I remember taking was cocaine and and then all of a sudden I was waking up in a dumpster all my friends were gone literally a dumpster yeah yeah with trash and garbage yeah what I think happened was they thought I was dead and I can't call him friends really no I mean it was that that was like the defining moment for me and that's when I moved this was in Waterloo Iowa more my mom and my sister lived and I moved to Des Moines to live with my grandmother to break that cycle to get away from it to start new I was in researching man not raised with their fathers there's a term that is used half alive the father can ignite something in the son that the mother cannot interesting okay so in black for example in African culture they take the young teens the elder men take the teen the male teen away and they put mask on and they do all these rituals and they scare the demons out of them really so you had no male principal there to deal with the demons inside of you yeah so then you acted them out so you did not have that in your life on a consistent basis yeah so that's what they say half alive interesting so part of you was dead [Music] are to revision your work I think you're in the mythic world and myth is the realm of the unconscious yeah and so you're bringing forth you know masks and creatures and experiences that are very seemingly dark but that is the world of the unconscious am I making any sense absolutely yeah so I had a hypotheses that you you you spoke up when nobody really heard you that's why the music so loud mmm it's like this cacophony of sounds that has almost a war experience to me it's like this it's this barrage of music okay and it's like creating a message out of chaos like reaching your hand into white noise and pulling out the exact message that you wanted to convey in the first place so these lyrics and more of the lyrics yeah oh the song father of course just that came from a really heavy spot so talk about your relationship to self-harm I mean I only really seriously attempted suicide once Wow I took a bunch of pills at my grandmother's house and just basically laid on the floor and my ex-girlfriends mom stopped at my grandma's house out of nowhere to check on me to see how I was found me an hour later I'm drinking it back and throwing up into a bucket what had just happened that she got that low the the girlfriend who his mother found me had just broken up with me there was just something about her that I really connected with but when that went away like a lot of me went with it I felt so empty that I had a hard time feeling anything other than [Music] grave depression and it was the one time I really was a sleep I can't handle this well I hear lots of AI hear that you finally found your heart pulsating and when she left you were left with what was there before she came yeah yeah this heartless young 17 year old looking for himself cause also it had a lot of abandonment so this activated a lot yeah by making any sense absolutely no I definitely triggered a lot of things yeah it was definitely one of my rock bottom's as my grandmother came and picked me up my grandmother who has been the the one person in my life she came and picked me up and she was so disappointed I did see it on her you know and it was like it was almost like a race of emotionally she was disappointed she was glad I was okay but she was so mad and that killed me hurts so much and I didn't I could almost put me over again that I immediately just said okay it's it's not it's not something you come back from well you did and what I hear is that you're you really didn't know love existed for you once your girlfriend left and you found it did with your grandmother yeah and that gave you a reason to live that you knew you were loved that somebody had not abandoned you somebody was right here with you so this family that you came from where you got sort of a challenging start where are you with it now and still with the exotics that happen here and where you're going now where were you at that darkness now I feel like the darkness is someplace that I visit like I don't live there it's there but it's something I feel like let's individualize okay I like your word initialize yeah domestic violence hmm poverty hmm instability childhood sexual abused the foot that would be child even though you weren't touched I well I wasn't by my family okay I was raped by someone in the neighborhood it was an old yeah how were you ten how were they sixteen where we were living at the time we didn't we moved around a lot so obviously I had to make friends quickly and there was really only one person did kind of hang out with play with and he was this 16 year old kid and he would invite me over to his house to play music and one day it became something else and I didn't tell anybody for a long time because he threatened to hurt me threatened to hurt my mom he ended up burning his house down they've they fled and the night was kind of crazy well you know that could have triggered to a lot of the acting out behavior yeah I never really knew where it came from until you shared that I I knew dad wasn't there and I was in stable what that is a severe psychological wound especially for a young man it's very damaging to the psyche and a very unsettling took me a long time to feel safe yeah that's the real wound that's the real I never heard it until that I was there that's the root and then you didn't tell anyone into what year how are you oh I was after seventeen yeah see that's all that su assal that that you didn't deal with the drugs everything try the masks everything I didn't tell anybody until I was probably 18 yeah yeah and at that time I'd found my tribe as it were like my tribe of misfits and of everything you share today that feels like this the head on the nail of this original sale in which all of your symptoms your drug addiction your masking you're trying to give your heart to someone then we're banding in you again you felt like you trusted someone and they you yeah you know so that's the work all of this other stuff is symptom so you are a rape abuse survivor if you need to go to a survivor's group you know a sexual abuse survivors group that may help you continue to release that that's the that's why all this symptom came about yeah I had I never even thought about that yeah that's that's there it is this close your eyes for a second and just and your lips and healthy your mouth exhale to your nose we're consciously breathing it's very private I'm not gonna ask you anything to share that you don't want to but please have the experience for a year of healing this wound and all of your subsequent I'm sure you became sexually promiscuous at times I'm sure you had periods to where you didn't want to be touched I'm sure you have had periods where you felt sexually inadequate go through that now and feel what you see don't run away from it hopefully Ralph see that little boy there which fighting just let the little boy heal open your mouth wide just for the last few seconds and through your mouth do you man go to the parent no are you the pain go through it as much as you can liver see it you're releasing this stuff I'm not sitting you in it I'm trying to get it out of your spiky let it go let it go let it go you just did the work let it go let it go that's free to your nose let it go you know the only thing I ever wanted to be was a dad and then I had you know I have three amazing kids never want my kids to be I had never wanted my kids to go through what I went through you know so it was very important for me too right out of the gate set up college funds bills were paid clothes were bought food was made everything solid foundation they have a place to live they have a room that's theirs and they don't have to worry about anything they're protected I'm speechless usually I have words this is word therapy but I have no words I'm just well we're close with this I always give it back to the unknown I always enter the therapeutic situation knowing nothing yo and surrendering to the unknown so these are angel cards so just let the unknown communicate to you and just pick a card and see what happens [Laughter] that's about right [Laughter] okay that makes a lot of goddamn sense let's just get in on that one talk about man it's crazy when you walk in you think you pretty aware pretty awake pretty in tune and all of a sudden you realize that maybe there were bits of you that were very much asleep and suddenly those nerves are awake and your mind is awake and you've seen things that maybe you only saw when you were asleep so that I think that's very very fitting I guess our journey has come to in and I look forward to greater things and more success and I hope you got some resolve today I feel pretty good about that okay we're down [Music] you you

Channel: Noisey

Views: 1,470,372

Keywords: music, rape, artist, suicide, Noisey, health, therapy, healing, Heavy Metal, Meditation, musician, rapper, Childhood, healer, angel cards, gong, Slipknot, Stone Sour, abandonment, vice, journalism, documentary, underground, vice videos, punk, independent, exclusive, vice magazine, noisey music, noisy, music news, APCLPWCL124153118

Id: Azt8SRgwBJ8

Length: 22min 9sec (1329 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 22 2019