Sheikh finally opens up about his Life Upbringing Family Fame #Assim #assimalhakeem assim al hakeem

I've been married for 40 years if anyone asks me about my wife's shortcomings or flaws I say she hasn't any what's the emotion you find hardest to express the love to the prophet because you just can't control your emotions when you talk about him my life is my life don't look at me as a celebrity you mentioned that you go to the gym often and we all know about the the viral picture and your apply to it um so are you still gyming daily I do gym four to five times a week my father died when I was like 14 years of age 15 years of age asalam alikum and welcome to episode 358 of freshly grounded this episode is brought to you by train with Gaff a lot of us struggle with nutrition I know that's the case for me and if that sounds like you if you've tried different diets different ways to tweak what you eat how you eat and it's hard to sustain or it's not really working out or there's just so much information then this is for you I've known of Gaff for many years now and I've been following his work for what feels like yonks many years and I've seen a lot of the results that he's posted through his years of coaching and personal training and now you guys can access it for completely free by the way Gaff through his brand training with Gaff basically helps people to lose weight and get in shape he's had clients who have been going to the gym for 5 10 years and can't get their nutrition right and within 12 weeks his clients lose an average of 10 to 12 kilos and so while Gaff is a personal trainer and a coach he's also first and foremost a Muslim and so he understands the nuances and the importance of keeping everything in our life balanced ensuring that we prioritize our Dean ensuring that we stay fit and healthy and that the mind is also always in the right space and so as I say Gaff has now put together a welcome pack a document that outlines the key nutritional information that's helped his clients lose weight and so while gaff's one-on-one coaching is obviously exclusively for males because it's such an intimate relationship you have to have when you're working with a personal trainer this welcome pack is available to everyone and is applicable to everyone so to get your hands on the free welcome pack just head over to freshlyground day.com Gaff that's freshly.com gfff and get your hands on the key nutritional information we need as Muslims to make sure that we stay healthy and fit and with that being said let's get into this very exciting episode of freshed with for giving me your time for having me talk about time how do you manage your time because I the the output that you have Al is amazing there's constantly whether if it's not Twitter or YouTube Instagram there's always something coming out uh in regards to your answers I know that you recently kind of mentioned that there's some volunteer sisters may Allah bless them who you've never met who have like taken on board kind of the YouTube and the Instagram and you kind of focus on the Twitter but still it seems like like you have a an amazing system running around you so that you can constantly output at that level I'd be lying if I said that well I manage my time by putting a plan and a strategy and all of this baloney is is not true I do not manage time it is Allah who puts Baraka in your time and I'm always feeling that I'm not doing enough first of all second of all what I do is not something that I could brag about and say that I'm doing it and I'm prioritizing thing and I'm putting things in perspective and this and that again this is not true whatever comes I do it and I do have a lot of Spare Time on my plate that you'll be surprised but people don't know this and it makes me feel really tiny and small when I compare myself and my spare time to real Scholars who devoted their lives and times and wealth and health for the sake of Allah seriously I'm not saying this out of being humble I'm the last one to be humble seriously because I brag a lot and I know what to brag about and I know that a lot of people are nothing compared to me but when Bush comes to shove I know that I'll be held accountable in on the day of judgment big time for the time I've been wasting and comparing my blessings and favors that Allah has bestowed upon me to real Scholars I think I'm doomed nevertheless I have have great hope in Allah and in his forgiveness and in his Mercy that I managed to get by but I don't plan anything if people come and invite me to a conference on XY Z month I said this is too late call me two weeks okay because I do not know how to plan more than that I don't know what comes up you don't use any calendar apps nothing nothing so you tell me we want you in August I said Call Me 2 weeks before August oh we have to organize till now I don't have anything I don't know what's going to come up so call me two weeks before the actual event because I don't plan anything ahead of time and what about your phone are you good do you how do you manage your relationship with your phone in terms of because I know a lot of your communication is done over email so do is that do you purposely try and distance yourself from anybody like having people from a lot of people having your number and access to WhatsApp and things like this I I pride myself to answer any caller any time of the day and night when I'm free and like 3 4 years ago that was 23 hours a day the phone was always on I have only one number and if I'm eating if I'm uh working out in the gym if I am driving I'm always on I answer people to the extent that my family may feel irritated and come on we're sitting with you said okay it's only a minute or two it's I don't take long calls where people vent what I was going to say how do you make sure people don't take the M because first of all I give each caller one call a day and it must not exceed four to 5 minutes and I have a good memory in who called and I can remember voices so if someone calls twice a day I say listen next time you do it I'm going to block your number and have hundreds of numbers blocked so usually like we're having this conversation my phone is on do not disturb so you call you'll find that it's giving you a busy tone but if I don't have counseling sessions if I'm not doing anything of importance it's always on okay alhamdulillah that you you mentioned that that you you you're comparing your time to time to to the time that um some other Scholars I've had there's this thought that I've had actually a lot which is that um sometimes what goes through my mind when I think about my time and how I'm using it and and kind of similar to kind of what you were saying but on a much worse scale um I often think about this this this thought came into my mind a couple years ago and I haven't been able to shake it off since since I had it and I regularly think about it and the thought is is essentially that we have the same Lord as I have the same Lord as the scholars will be questioned by the same Lord and I've got the same 24 hours in a day and so sometimes I would limit myself and think if I can achieve this in my lifetime to do with the dean um if I could achieve X in my lifetime let me just try and get to that um and then I remember that um there's Scholars who have done so much um memorized like new libraries of books um implemented uh and taught uh many people and then I I think to myself actually considering we have the say I'm going to be there's not G to be a separate Lord answering asking questions to the scholars and then they're separate for me so if that's the case um I should actually have that um aspiration of actually trying to achieve that and so a question I actually had for you know it down for later on in the podcast but I'll ask it now because we spoke about it is I just showed you right and through the work that I do with t we hear from a lot of especially on like we have this podcast this podcast where call in and a lot of the we ask them like what was your HTH Journey like and a lot of them say well my mom started me my H Journey when I was 5 or four and I memorize Quran when I by the time I was 12 15 20 you very rarely hear somebody say I started at 30 and I you know memorize by 35 or 40 so for people who are later on in life maybe in their 30s now 40s um and they haven't necessarily started memorizing where they haven't they not even have what how would you motivate them what positive thing can we explain to them that helps them feel that they can still aspire to be on to try and become a scholar for example first of all you know that I do counseling sessions yes and get paid for that this is what this what what puts the bread on the table with the grace of Allah I sit with a lot of couples who may vent to me and complain that the kids are not doing enough in Quran and they're trying to beat them up trying to motivate them try to and I said to him listen we cannot have clones of Scholars otherwise if everyone was a scholar nobody would drive the bus nobody would collect the garbage nobody would administer um this or that or be in finance or be a doctor or be an engineer therefore each one is designated to what Allah had made him capable of and he can be the best in what he does not necessarily memorize the Quran there are many scholars that I could name who had zero impact on their people and their community that I or others may think of us of ourselves to be better to the community than them because we managed to change so many people's lives with the grace of Allah what we don't know is that we thrived on their books and we've learned from them what enabled us to impact others so they're getting rewarded even if they did not have the impact we have on communities and societies and those close to us so each one is created and facilitated to what Allah has preordained for him the Hadith of the Prophet praising those in the Muslim Army saying Toba for a soldier of in the Army if they put him in up front to fight the enemies he's fine if they put him the leadership at the back doing nothing but to collect leftovers of the army what they what things that was lost or to find those who were left behind and cater for them it's not a fighting position for him so good for him so this Hadith shows us that if you have the sincerity you don't have to be a you don't have to be an orator or a DI we can't be cloned of one another we all can't be Dr zakar knowing the Surah knowing the Ayah having the ability to counter atheists and uh other faiths with confidence and knowledge masallah we can't be like this we need different people in different positions therefore look at your son look at your daughter look at their potentials and invest in what they love and like so that they excel in what they do of course there are red lines we don't C cross so prayer on time doing your Rosa or or fasting as you guys say and the likes okay this is the basics the more you can do is good but don't make that a breaking point that may let let them feel Despair and say the heck with it I'm I'm I'm leaving the whole thing the whole wagon and jumping out of it no give them motivation look what they can really um perform in and try to balance I don't know if this sounds logical or no no it makes a lot of sense uh because like you like you already kind of mentioned we all have different skills and assets and and and different things we can bring to the Omar right um so it makes a lot of sense what you're saying and adds a kind of another layer of thought to it um I actually wanted to uh to start the podcast in a bit of a different way initially but I wanted to ask you about I ended up asking you about a time so uh we'll go to that now so we have this um we created these conversation cards at freshly grounded it's uh we just called it the freshly grounded game the and so you've actually got a pack there for you to take home as well so i' I've picked out some questions from from the game uh that I want to ask you answer them as short or as as long as you'd like um it's meant to be fairly quick uh but I thought help break some of the ice considering this the first time we've ever met is happening on camera so it's a a bit harder to break the ice right so I'm relying on the game for this one so um so we'll go with this one first uh when was the last time that you decluttered your life I I did what you decluttered your life what what is that you removed things from your life whether it be from mental space or just had it clear out of your house or you decluttered you minimized you removed things I don't have anything as such with the grace of Allah I live in the bare minimum I don't have anything that plugs my system not even in home I don't buy things and just look at them or I have problems in my life that I have to remove I'm a very simple day-to-day person I don't plan for the future I'm just wasting for my SMS to answer my Lord and die and I enjoy day-to-day life I go to the gym I enjoy sitting with my kids my grandkids there's nothing that makes me I can't get sleep at night yes I just turn off this the switch and aldah alhamdulillah do you think that's something that's um that you've been blessed with this like kind of like thick skin or the ability to switch off some people are quite sensitive um to things happen around them and then can easily lose sleep I believe I am quite blessed by Allah in every single aspect of life yeah seriously if you say to me are you a millionaire said no a thousand said no I I I don't have a house I don't have a property I have don't have plots I pay rent for two houses I've been doing this all of my life I don't have any Investments I live daytoday a very lavish life with the grace of Allah my kids never miss anything but I'm blessed in every single aspect maybe this is due to that Allah has blessed me to have trust on him so even if the worst thing happens immediately I just snap out of it and say it was pre-ordained 50,000 years before Allah created the universe nothing I could have done to change it s move on yes but he did this to you they did that to you you've lost your job you've so what Allah pre-ordained it what can you do if my son dies I don't have uh uh Sons alhamdulillah they old daughters I have only Sons alhamdulillah so if my son dies I have one of two choices bang your head against the wall cry weep tear your clothes and complain my son is not going to come back to life or I can be patient saddened May Cry a little bit but be content my son is going to not going to come back to life again the difference is the reward at the sight of Allah so might as well be content next question do you find it easy to apologize very you do yeah but alhamdulillah um 95% of the time you're right it's not I'm right I'm very aware of people's uh feelings so I try my level best not to uh offend them unless I'm doing it willingly and in 99.9% I do it willingly meaning the guy is OCD fine so you have to I have to step on his stomach yes and jump jump jump until he vomits yeah people around me say this is too harsh this is none of your business he's my patient I know I'm doing it and the people that come to me with the grace of Allah know that I don't have any beef with them I don't have any hidden agenda I don't want to show that I am better than I am better than them assume me what I'm going to do they know that sheim wants the best to us and he's treating us as a father as a friend as a counselor so whatever he says he does not intend to degrade us or to put us down that's interesting I want to touch a bit more on that later uh tell me something about your father that you didn't appreciate until you became older my father died when I was like 14 years of age 15 years of age so that was almost almost a lot any a long time ago almost 50 years ago and I have very little recollection of him and what I know is that I never shared any feelings with to him or with him this is how he was he was excellent with everybody else with friends very sociable very well known in the community he was an editor of two newspapers in Arabic and English so he was multilingual and everybody loved him I rarely saw him so I have no emotions in the sense that hugging kissing and the likes and this cascaded to me not being able to show such feelings to my kids in the sense of they desire me hugging them but no Dad why AR you hugging us said I don't know that is it's not me I try to force myself to do this and kiss them and to you know cuddle them and well often umist say about uh about that is that if that's not the way you show love that's probably because that's not the way you receive love so if for example your daughters give you a cudle not to say that you receive that as a form of love but as in there might be something else that you really appreciate um that someone does for you and that's how you receive that love and so um you you feel love when somebody does that for you uh so like that could be for example that somebody um does an act of service like make sure that you're well and that you're fed and stuff like that I always you thing is I I always Gaslight them okay and when they say you don't hug us why don't you hug us like we hug you give us some affection said yeah because I don't love you you know I don't care for you and start defending me no you give us this you give us that I said okay you can continue so ah what do you think the thing is for you though how you receive love that what would somebody do that makes you feel loved if it's not hugs and like affection in that sense that phys fa so could it be gifts acts of service um somebody being an opening I with the grace of no no with the grace of Allah I never ever expect things from others okay so whatever my wife does whatever my kids do or my grandchildren do I appreciate it whether it's a an expression of Love or they just doing it because it's their Duty I appreciate that big time and I never show them that I'm missing something or you guys didn't call me you didn't come to visit you don't give me gifts you don't send me flowers if they do alhamdulillah if they don't I'm fine but I love them and I express my love through giving them gifts trying to do things to them they understand and they know but you know people are greedy they want the extra Edge yeah it sounds like you're good at um overlooking uh which is a very very important pile I do I do Overlook Miss people's mistakes I I pretend not to have seen them so this is what I say to people I've been married for 40 years if anyone asks me about my wife's shortcomings or flaws I say she hasn't any she doesn't have any she's perfect of course he's not if I were to think about it maybe I would have come up with a 100 and if she were to be asked she would say the same he doesn't have any he's the perfect husband but I know my short uh comings and flaws this is content MH we are the happiest couple because we love one another with the grace of Allah and our relationship is based on respect it's based on compassion and trying not to be selfish to do whatever you can yes maybe I don't buy her red R roses I don't take her to a dinner at at restaurants and and and then do things as as such but she knows that no one loves his wife more than I do and I know that no one loves her husband more than she does it's interesting that you said that you are kind of selfless in that manner um we had she Muhammad Tim humble on the podcast um some time back and he said something that stuck with me to this day he said that um if a husband and really he's he said this is beneficial for any relationship but if a husband is constantly he what we find often in relationships is that a person is trying to get his rights and she is trying to get her rights and he said if you're both concerned with each other's rights and not of yours that's the best type of relationship and actually you both get your right get given your rights in that process as well so true kind of um yeah beneficial okay um who do you appreciate more as you get older definitely Allah for all what he has bestowed upon me I can't appreciate him enough or thank him or show my gratitude to him as for humans my wife is my rock so I do appreciate everything she does for me and for the kids and how tolerant she is you're good one of Allah's names is your protecting friend or transl you're protecting friend name a time in your life where you felt that name in existence every time 24 hours 7 days a week name one thing you love about the way you've been raised Allah raised me and no one else seriously nobody sat with me reprimanded me guided me told me scaled me it's Allah that has blessed me of being able to diagnose analyze uh trial and error and and fix things in myself to become Who I Am with the grace of Allah no no one has any alhamdulillah white hands on me except Allah Subhan Allah um describe your ultimate cheat meal My ultimate cheat meal cheat meal yeah I don't uh uh um I'm not faithful in any meals I was cheating well you long B you mention that you go to the gym often and uh uh we all know about the the viral picture and your apply to it um so so um then you must be on diet she let's be honest you don't you I eat pizzas I eat cheeseburgers I adore steaks uh shawarmas all the time it sweet stuff sweet stuff um before I became diabetic yes but now alhamdulillah I'm yeah any I'm I'm way down I used to take take like two or three bars of chocolate you know Mars Galaxy with hazelnut or uh the likes every single day and I used to eat like three cheeseburgers with a liter of D of Coke or of Pepsi in one meal and then hit the gym for 4 hours okay four hours four to 5 hours but now I can finish one are you still jyming are you jyming daily when when I had a me now now do you jym daily I do gym four to five times a week okay ald morning evening no morning I'm I'm a morning person evening after it's it's done I don't function after 8:30 p.m. I like to be bed at 9: after I don't leave home yeah but I I do a lot of things until 1:00 a.m. oh really yeah I couldn't so I I my my sleeping pattern is 3 hours then I have to wake up okay I can't go for more than Max 4 hours a day okay so I have to wake up sit for 2 3 hours then go back to sleep for an hour or so and then do things for five 6 hours and go so this is a very weird awkward for a retired person it's just fine do do you set alarms uh only for uh before fa okay that's it and have you got any uh some people my technique for my alarm setting is that I set the alarm for f in the other room so my have my house my office is inside my house and so my my alarm is in my office and so I have to walk like aldah I don't even snooze my alarm that worries me yeah the moment I it trains I'm I'm awake uh okay tell me an Islamic reminder you once heard that has stayed with you to this day I'm not good at this M yeah name okay one that comes to mind right now everything I I say is are gyms [Laughter] so uh what's the emotion you find hardest to express this is this question was made for you sh was the emotion you find hardest to express the love to the of of to the prophet Alam because you just can't control your emotions when you talk about him the love we have for our Prophet Alat wasam the amount of attack the Deviant sects and those who accuse us of hating him and not loving his Sunnah despite the decades we've been trying our level best to call people to the Sunnah and to love the prophet and to hold him in a great High uh uh place to their hearts yet they still accuse us that we don't love the Prophet this is an emotion that you just feel the love and that you would do anything to see him and to meet him and to be with him sallallah alaih wasam what's your favorite struggle it's not my favorite but it's my struggle with my uh own Fitness and my own self I like to uh challenge myself so if I lose in a game I'm very competitive I enjoy it what sports do you play um now are you into paddle no no no no no I have two surgeries in both knees okay so I I have one tournaments with the grace of Allah in squash and tournaments yeah yeah I used to be very competitive I have won tournaments in table tennis professionally amazing and badminton in the I was very good but then I torn a cartilage in one of the matches uh in that and I I stopped since then but I was very very good and competitive in in badmington and yeah I enjoy enjoy these games are your injuries from your sports yes okay uh I I think people don't necessarily um know that you're so into sport would they well as was before the viral H have their business it's sure it's not exactly why you said no see this is this is what I'm trying to tell people our lives is ours and if I hit the gym if I have a good symmetric body alhamdulillah this is for my wife why should I tell people about my own personal life why should I tell people oh I went to this restaurant and I had this F and I had I spoke with sheh so and so and look at the Sunrise or the sunset and I I I don't do these things because what counts is what gets you closer to Allah my life is my life okay don't I want to brag about the things in my life believe me if I do people would be totally shocked I don't because I don't want them to be shocked or to praise me or to say oh I didn't know you did this or did that because this is my life it doesn't matter to to you don't look at me as a celebrity learn from what I teach you that gets you closer to a line if I make a mistake avoid that my personal life what I do in my hobbies my background my past this is my business simple as that I like that okay uh so on that not actually what does a perfect night in look like to you every night same all same I I I wouldn't say that oh that was a memorable night everything alhamd is not is fine I have a good meal with my wife and kids and then I retire to do my questions on the website on my website Q&A and then I just do whatever needed if I have recording or I record something for zad Academy or to prepare some questions for my programs or if I have uh um lectures that I'd like to uh prepare if not I just you know play okay last three from the game uh when I think of meeting Allah I feel happy alhamdulillah I don't know if this is something I should be worried about you know when you hear the stories of the S being terrified of dying and meeting their sins and I I don't know maybe this is Shan maybe this is overconfidence but I do feel happy I do feel satisfied I do believe in Allah's beautiful names the most forgiving the most merciful the one who guides people to repent and accepted repentance so he's a when you explain these names to people and you have strong conviction in them you deal with Allah differently yes I do acknowledge I have sins like big time and I'm in real deep trouble if Allah does not forgive them but I still have hope that maybe somewhere in this world one person would have benefited from something I said and raises his hands in the one last third of the night and says oh Allah forgive shim's sins and Allah accepts just interrupting the podcast for a second uh to let you guys know about the game that you just watched uh myself and shik aim play uh it's called the game uh by freshly grounded and it's a pack of 100 conversation cards for you to open up and to interact with friends with family with loved ones with your spouse with your children with your parents uh it's got 100 questions there's so many questions in here you'll never get I guarantee you'll start having such deep conversation there'll be tears there'll be laughter that you won't get through more than five cards uh at a session uh so it's literally you can this unlimited amount of times and every time you play it you get different answers uh it's something that we're really proud of at freshly grounded we've the game we've been selling the game now for maybe four years um that's a guess uh but it's uh been played by over 10,000 people and I think you will love it so to grab the game head over to shop. Freshly grounded. comom that's shop. freshly grounded. comom and let's get back to the episode okay so that's enough of the game let's go on to a topic that I know you've been asked a lot about this so forgive me for asking repetitive questions I know you're recently on another podcast as well but um I think like in the last kind of um couple years there's been a huge kind of growth in terms of the awareness uh of yourself from people because of um the questions kind of being a lot of the questions going viral and stuff like that um and and a lot of it is focused on also um no first of all like a huge um a huge part ofy is the benefit that you give and personally I want to say I have a I only have one WhatsApp group with the brothers that I mean there's four of us and we're always kind of sharing benefit and having a laugh and stuff like that and often um your videos an Imes Shar that so for the immense benefit that you that you continue to provide and I don't want to be little with that actually it's important that we don't because often when people talk about the answers that you give and stuff like that I think there's this kind of underly underlaying of almost ignoring the benefit um however um I think for good reason a lot of it has gone viral um and so people have been able to benefit more but a lot of it has gone viral because people enjoy the types of responses that you give to to what extent do you think about um the answer and how it's going to be if it's does that does that take a a toll in you think about the criticism do you think are people are going to think that I'm too harsh or too uh funny or do you just put the answer out how you want to put the answer out again I don't sit and reflect on what I'm going to say in the sense that I'm not a rapper and I'm not a stand-up comedian who sits and has a notepad and writing down what his strategy is going to be what is his pitch and you know try to put scenarios so that whenever it's a thing like that happens he has a response no come on this is too much it just comes uh uh spontaneously and I do have to admit so many times I write the answer on Twitter because Twitter is on the spot and Twitter and Twitter you control yes and Twitter is on the spot it's not something that you read and you prepare so you just write an answer so many times I delete so whoops no I'm not ready for people misunderstanding it or saying oh this is but the vast majority of my answers whether on TV whether on lectures whether on Twitter or on my website I just do it and like Nike just do it so I don't think of the consequences because with the grace of Allah most of my responses are quite sensible measured so I have like uh boundaries that I I may not cross because it shouldn't be crossed right if by Allah alhamdulillah Allah has favored me to do this so yeah I just say it you like it good for you you don't like it t bananas who cares are you aware though that you have a good sense of humor of course you know that yeah fact I've been always been uh praised for this especially with my daughters and they just sit and laugh their heads off and I sit with their mom and I make fun of of her like crazy and they you know their eyes tears because of of of the fun I make of course I do 50% making fun 50% uh praising and love words that makes a yeah metal melt but and then they say come on you're giving a bipolar what what is this we we're almost in a a borderline personality you you're mixing our emotions AB that's what I do so yeah alhamdulillah but again this is how I roll with my congregation in the Masid in the streets with my relatives with my friends I'm not going to pretend that yes I am shap no this is Haram no you should be serious no you I this is not what I do you guys don't like this you know among the serious students of knowledge sue me I don't care I didn't ask people to put me up front or to ask me questions you don't look what like what what I said unfollow so many people you could follow no no no you is not befitting of a Sheik who told you I'm a Sheik I'm your normal J Joe so live with it you you you mentioned that you done a lot of uh that you do consultations um with within the consultations what are some of the common themes that come up uh I have some in mind that I would think come up but I'm intrigued to know if that's true or not and if there's some kind of anomalies in that that you've even been surprised that come up so the things that come to mind for me are things like um marriage related issues 30 30 30% okay uh I'd imagine pornography five 5 to 10% okay I would imagine Orba and we 5 to 10% okay so that leaves 60% OCD really oh wias is killing the people really Shan and this is why yeah I have huge beef with Shan because people go to psychiatrists and they spend thousands of dollars session after session and hm tell me about your childhood and they listen okay our thumbs is up we did like uh 10 more sessions to get this Ono with the pipe and his his his mouth and and you've got to pay his amount ahead of time very disc yeah so so the guys keep on going and going okay tell me about your abuse when you were young and and child and you talk talk and there's not not benefit okay take broak take take this take with the grace of Allah they come to me and I said and I interrupt them I don't let them vent I know I'd like to continue so no you come to me to find a solution not to vent I know your problem why are you repeating it listen to me for 9 minutes and then you can have the floor and I pride myself with the grace of Allah that 30 minutes is enough if you come to me I feel insulted and with the grace of Allah 90 to 95% don't come back and I get emails saying totally fixed I have no problems some people come to me after 67 months saying she totally different you know the waswas I had with Purity it's all gone I have another waswas with divorce with kufur with and I know exactly how Shan works so it's it's I never studied psychology in my life I don't have knowledge in it but I know how Shan works so I can speak to to people with the experience that Allah have graced me with and I can tell from the first 60 seconds what's your problem so what are the common that you get most Purity kufur Purity the repeating words in Salat thinking that you've committed an act of kufur saying the shahada 50 times a day thinking everything is impure around you think and some of them for example this is like 10 15% thinking that every word you say is divorce and I have like 20% of those who come to me thinking that the marriage is invalid so be I was engaged in this kind of relationship before marriage no sex nothing I knew someone I was with a guy and we were chat him on the phone and he said marry yourself to me and I said I give you myself in marriage and we laughed about it and he accepted so are we married because I married 10 years ago a late and I have six kids and now I'm getting these thoughts that my marriage is invalid and my children are born out of wedlock she's crying she's weeping someone coming to me saying she I said to my wife Lulu and I thought that maybe Lulu in Zimbabwe means I divorce you so now I can't think of myself and they're crying to me so with the grace of Allah okay so I know people who also um had many questions about um OCD and stuff and ear I mentioned sh Muhammad him and he deals with a lot of but he kind of like focuses on Ria and stuff like that um you you said 30 minutes and they don't come back CU I'm intrigued uh you've dangled the carrot um if somebody comes to you and says they have an issue with you know Purity thinking I have I made W the correct way and so on and so forth um from a general point of view because obviously you're dealing with people directly and so you get a bit more context what are the kind of things that you're talking about and explaining to help is it like Ria and in some practical steps all okay what it say more practical it's see I'm an eyeopener sure so I just asked the person he says I spent half an hour doing W okay said okay masah good you're very clean how much water do you use he said ah gallons good very good how much water did the prophet Alam use he said one mood approximately 7 lit a small bottle of water said good are you more righteous knowledgeable than him said no so what are you doing because she said no no no no don't justify tell me do you know more than him said no then said I'm wrong what are you going to do so this is how we take it step by step him confessing convinced that he's doing wrong and that he's obeying Shan end of story it's interesting because uh it's you know you know you say you haven't studied psychology and stuff but actually the method that you're using there um is very similar to what um somebody who has studied would use which is to kind of like ask around ask the questions for the person to come to their own conclusion as I said that I have no idea what they do but I know that with experience with trial and errors and with the grace of Allah of course above all people do see where they're going wrong and the moment you manage to tell a patient about their illness this is half of the Cure the other half is in your hands and within like most of counseling sessions by the way finish by 15 17 minutes the guy says done said okay we have 303 minutes to go said nothing to nothing to add said are we good said yeah perfect so this time is is free you're not going to get a refund no I don't want any alhamdulillah astonishingly a lot of the brothers come after a while and say sh I'm sponsoring 10 sessions for the sake of Allah I benefited a lot subh he's the money okay this is good for the down payment of my boat keep up the good work okay so you said um a big part of it is um OCD as well correct um what other um what other things are kind of coming that come up so we go marriage OCD has that kind of the big ones yeah marriage divorce issues uh did the divorce take place or not especially from the subcontinent the free divorce issue Hani said it's done so people come to me my husband was en Rag and said talak talak talak immediately any hanfi scholar said you're done you need Halala you have to get married again to another man and then live with them and then get divorced in order to go back to your first husband and this is not the real fatwa that is applicable you can't just destroy people's marriages just like that so they come to me uh people have problems with which is also another uh thing famously widely spread in the subcontinent and not found anywhere else if a man is thinking uh um sexually about his daughter-in-law or touches her inappropriately the marriage is dissolved who said this what is this this is ridiculous even so they come to me with similar questions problems with the kids especially those living in North America or in Europe my son is coming out of the closet and he says he's homosexual my daughter is declaring that she's lesbian and she's living with her girlfriend what should we do how to to act apostasy and the likes so they come asking for um how to resolve problems with the father who beats them up who doesn't uh provide for them what should be the relationship be like and the likes so I try to give them advice from an Islam perspective from the pros and cons the consequences should I fire for divorce from my husband he missed treats me he beats me he does this he does that so okay what are your choices on the table you going to be kicked out you divorce him then what work as a prostitute nobody's to to provide for you your family doesn't want you think of the consequences so y the LI oh okay it's a deep deep topics um what's your take on um stress because uh I'm thinking that you kind of yourself had uh have have worked your um own personality to improve that managing stress true so um kind of I guess like what's that Journey like and how can one improve uh managing stress cuz I heard this quote about stress which I think is so true and it said that um stress it um first makes a person ugly and then it kills them when you're stressed whether it's because jealousy because of someone bullying in you because of the fear of the future and what it may hold because a job you lost because of debts you have to pay off because of rent because of a nagging wife because of a disobedient uh child if you have trust in Allah if you know what is the meaning of the name when we say what does Al mean when you trust Allah depend on him and totally rely on him you live a Stressless life because everything is in hands so why are you worried when ibraim peace be upon him was destined to be executed by being thrown in the infero in this huge fire that they built for him he just said h Allah will suffice us and he is the one we trust and rely upon boom end of story you're just you're going to be fried and cooked and grilled no problem Allah is my protector so when you have this concept there's no stress in life life goes up and down and whenever the the night is the dark Dawn is close by so trust Allah you have no stress at all sometimes feels hard more difficult to implement than um it feels a bit more difficult to implement right but what you saying I think is still obviously uh you have no choice yeah again you lost your son may Allah protect all of your children you lost your son what are you going to do bang your head against the wall you're going to break the wall all but your son is still going to be dead so why the stress it's gone Allah pre-ordained it be content and move on and you'll find that Allah will fill your heart with peace and Tranquility we got a couple minutes left so I'm going to shoot you a few words and I want you to respond with uh a word well it could be a few words if you if you can't in a word but the point is there is very very short uh I'm going to give you 10 words in sh okay we couple uh social media double edge blade marriage blessing music beautiful but Haram debt burden during the night and humility during the day real uh overthinking OCD raising children a challenge that you need Allah's help and without it you're lost coffee tea you prefer tea no just word I I don't have any preference uh do you drink coffee I drink coffee but only to help my heart not that I love it okay uh only when I travel out of the kingdom is that I go for Cho I used to because I'm a Sala now alhamdulillah I've become moderate Sala so I go for uh latte because the foam is less there more milk yeah is less foam yes the foam is is it's a problem yeah foam is a problem with cap you should you should do a cortado I don't know this is too much maybe 10 years okay uh the prophet the love of my life favorite Quran um I I I love them all M sh we because I don't have a cassette or a CD cassette I know you're too young for cassettes Cass I don't have something that I play on we have alhamdulillah Allah graced us with the uh channel of Quran okay 24/7 so I just listened to it to the radio mhawi would be the best but if I were to listen to something that I would be moved by I go with it's inter because you seem to have this common seem to be common thread in this conversation where you I don't know whether you would CLA yourself as it or not but you you seem to be a minimalist and it's interesting now in this day and age where people are the the norm is for us to gather things and buy things and is very materialistic uh how can a person remain minimal and this is your final question she I'm I'm happy with what whatever Allah gives me so yeah why so people ask me would you like to buy a new car I said no I I have a car that takes me from point A to B maybe 30 years ago I would have given you a list of the cars that I really want to buy and own nowadays I'm I'm content I remember 10 years ago I was in Dubai and chefi Dr zachar Nik called me and said chassam what about going to uh do some test drive I have a friend who has a dealership of exotic cars and he set up like 30 cars you know Bugattis sherons Ferraris Lamborghinis Porsches and we just go and test drive it in in in the circuit said not interested he said sh why I know you love cars said yeah I know all about these cars but I can't afford it so I'm not interested so I'm I'm content with what I have with the grace of Allah for your time honestly I really appreciate this and honor to have you on our podcast may Allah bless you thank you for your time for flying all the way to Saudi to honor me with this though I think you've wasted a lot of your time and the viewers time you should have done this with someone who is worthwhile but for the invitation and may Allah make my deeds and yours sincere for his sake

Channel: assimalhakeem

Views: 57,891

Keywords:

Id: Pr9RQumiUnU

Length: 55min 55sec (3355 seconds)

Published: Fri May 31 2024