- When I started receiving
tweets and messages about "The Haunting of Shane Dawson," which is the first video to
be uploaded to Shane's channel in over a year, I was
only mildly surprised. But when I learned that it
was just the first episode of a three-part series, I
immediately got that feeling where you think the horror
movie has a happy ending, but the main character
realizes it's all a dream. And then all of a sudden, Freddy
Krueger is yanking someone back through the front door,
like an inflatable sex doll. And I'm the sex doll in
this scenario, obviously, because this is how I sleep. (crickets chirping) And this little dolly
was just starting to feel the light of freedom on
my face after being railed in "The Beautiful World of Jeffree Star" for over seven hours, which was Shane Dawson's previous series that we just finished covering. But of course, I needed to watch the start of this new series to see if Shane had developed his craft over this break. Also, I was planning on
covering spooky content throughout the month of October anyway, so how could I even resist
the terrifying moments that Shane is serving up in
this special Halloween episode, such as a tour of his unfinished basement, the normal behavior of cats, and watching him still try
to redeem his past work by pointing out that there
were also maybe a few minutes throughout them that
weren't entirely racist, abusive, or transphobic,
and I'm just like, okay? And I'm sure some Southern
cotton plantations had a beautiful view of the sunset, but that's not a good
enough reason to go back and commemorate them on a postage stamp. So let's get ready to hear
Shane warm up his audience for another pivot towards the paranormal, and also learn about his
hopes of one day creating a great horror movie. Although if I were him,
I would start by trying to make an even just okay YouTube video, because I promise you this
was not that start, Mama, and you'll see it for yourself
in another highly requested Shane Dawson installment of
"Clip Breakdown: Halloween." (static crackling) ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ - Hello, television viewers. My name is Nick. Thank you so much for joining
me once again on my channel for another installment
of "Clip Breakdown." This is the playlist where we
dive into our favorite movies, TV movies, and other such
content here on the web and decide is it gonna kill my brain cell or is it going to promote
healthy neural pathways? I think at this point,
we've covered enough Shane Dawson content for
you to make a hypothonis, oh, a hypoten, a hypotenuse. A squared plus B squared equals, you're about to C squared
(beeps) in my face. I didn't like this video and
I'm annoyed from the beginning, but before we get into it,
make sure you give this video a big thumbs up if you wanna see the rest of this Shane series. You didn't really think we'd
be done with Shane forever. I didn't. But most importantly, if
you're new to my channel, I would love to have you
click that subscribe button right over here. That way, you never
miss new videos from me. I upload two new ones every week. So turn on notifications, and
you'll always be the first to know when I'm frying my brain cells with the pixels on my screen. Also, I've got merch
and a Patreon available, where you can access a bonus content. I didn't know that Shane
would be releasing new content so shortly after I
finished that long series, but I also wasn't expecting
so many people to message me saying that the only way
they were going to figure out what was in this series is
by watching me break it down. And yes, I am willing to
accept that responsibility as a global hero. I'm a hero, Purple Heart. By the way, do any of you know how to fix a Purple Heart? I feel like it's not
getting enough oxygen. Anyway, Shane disappoints
me right off the bat by letting me know what
it is we're watching. (eerie music) - [Shane] 2,000 bodies
remain buried there? Like what? - Don't worry, Shane. I'm always very discreet
about viewing your content. By the way, I'm thinking
of titling this video. Shane Dawson made another
thing and it sucks (beeps) like an airplane toilet,
because like I said, subtlety and discretion are key pillars of the Nock Doritomino Brand. I gotta nail down the
pronunciation of that. What do you guys call me? I can't help but point
out that Shane gives us this 24/7 viewer discretion
warning for the series, even though this entire
first episode is going to be him showing us the suburban mom decor he picked up from HomeGoods. Although looking at it in slow motion, maybe the warning was meant
for that "Not Cool" poster I got a glimpse of just now, 'cause that's the real
haunted horror show, Mama. We saw that movie and don't
think that I'm not clocking this red font as a lower budget recreation of the epic opening title sequence from the first "Insidious" movie. What Shane made here
today is not going to be nearly that scary, although
both pieces do have points where I feel vaguely concerned
for the safety of a child. Listen, I love references. I think filmmakers need
to have good references, and as an artist, it's
like part of how you grow. But what I'm noticing is that Shane fails to combine different references
or just elevate his ideas to something that's truly original. Like I shouldn't be able to be like, oh, he copied "Insidious," and frankly, most of his references do seem to come from a very specific era
in horror filmmaking, from sort of that Wes
Craven slasher renaissance that started with "Scream"
in 1996 and then was copied and pasted over and over again
through the early thousands. If that's a period of cinema
that really fascinates Shane, I think that's great. But in general, that
genre didn't produce a ton of like artistic horror films. So other than him just kind of
copying those cheap formulas that were never really
critically renowned, I wish he would take his love
for this era of filmmaking and combine it with like
those mind consuming storytelling tactics that truly set apart the best movies in history. Anyway, this opening scene
shows a lot of teaser footage that we will not have come to fruition in this first episode at all,
but it also can't be ignored that Shane did not know
he was gonna be making a three-part series when he
started shooting this video that we're watching now. I don't know at what point
he decided he could like, had enough footage to split
it up into three parts or why he decided to do so little planning that the first part
was basically obsolete. But doesn't matter, just follow
me on this awful journey. - Oh my God.
- Things follow me. Like I guess you don't know that. Things follow me, Chris. - [Chris] The way you said
that was so scary, Shane. (eerie music) - Huh?
(eerie music) What?
(eerie music) Oh. (laughs) Okay. - I'm not really sure that
sentimental interjection really flowed with the mood
you were trying to build up using the previous clip,
but it does sort of feel like a tactic used at the top
to help soften your audience into making the video
be more well-received. Like what other intended
psychological effect would making that statement at the
beginning of the video be other than to have someone
who's like on the fence about whether they should
accept Shane's content that's new again or not. Like if they've also missed
like the old Shane videos, which is the sentiment
a lot of people say, then they're gonna respond
to this by being like, I've missed you too, okay, great. I thumbs up this video, but I mean, I can't say for sure whether or not Shane is even conscious that
he's using this obvious age-old tactic. I mean, there are parts of this episode that are so mind numbing, I can't even say whether
I'm conscious or not. It's not even until after
this 40 minute episode ended that I even realized my
smoke alarm was going off. And by then, all of the silicone
sex toys that I was boiling had melted into one 12 inch
cylinder in my sauce pan, but don't worry, it's still usable, baby. I call it my panic button. Just breathe and you'll get through it. What is up with some of the things that I'm saying these days, what is ups? (can tab pops) I really don't wanna go back
to the corporate world clearly. I'm like, let me ruin any hope of that. Shane then throws up a clip of
this Wes Craven quote saying, "The horrors of retirement. "These are scarier than any
horror movie I can dream up." I don't know, I've talked to
some retired people out here and it seems kind of cool. Also, I don't know if
anyone expected Shane to actually retire from,
you know, making content. It seems like the only
thing he knows how to do. I think they just wanted
him to get better at it, but this is not super promising. Watch this first little clip. Now that all of the text in the world has been shown to us.
(gentle piano music) All righty, let the record
show that this series started wasting screen
time at around 90 seconds, with this real time ambling
shuffle up to a house that it feels like the grandparents of several different
families might have died in. You'll also notice for this series, we have a new camera operator named Chris, who just as Andrew did in
Shane's previous series, adds a generous handful of live commentary to help highlight the scary
things we're gonna be seeing, such Shane's bold statement art pieces, which maybe could've
passed as a eclectic in LA, but somehow make this Colorado house look like the general store that's attached to a Cracker Barrel restaurant. I'm not saying I'm an
expert at interior design, but I do appreciate tasteful decor. So it's hard for me not to notice when I'm looking at other types of decor. Are you guys ready to
laugh your heads off? (gentle piano music) (Shane and crew laughs) - That would've been so
epic if that was real. I learned piano during my break. I'm kidding, I didn't learn anything. (Chris laughs) No, I learned a lot about myself. - Well, I guess personal growth is good, but along with playing piano,
can we also add the art of comedy to the list of
things that you clearly haven't been practicing
over the last year? And you know what? Let's throw public relations on there too. Since nearly every time Shane
brings up a serious topic or reveals some sort of personal struggle, it's always immediately followed with, just kidding, just
kidding, I'm doing great. It's actually the opposite
of what I just said. Here's another example of
that, just seconds later, which comes with a light trigger warning regarding the topic of
one ending their own life. If you wanna completely
avoid any conversation around that, just go ahead and skip to the time stamp on the screen. I'll give you one second to do it. - Anyways, tried to kill myself. (Shane and crew laughs) I'm kidding, I didn't, well, eh. - [Chris] What? - Chris is videotaping this with his electromagnetic field
reader in the other hand, like on the phone, I
thought you said this video is about ghost hunting. I am not asserting that
it was intentional, but it seems like by Shane
saying that he did this and then immediately saying, oh no, I'm just kidding, I
didn't, but then adding another non-verbal layer of
ambiguity on top of that, if it's gonna put the audience in a very sympathetic place
for whatever happens next in this series, my point being that type of severe mental health
crisis is not a topic that Shane's audience
deserves to have introduced via his hard to decipher sarcasm or like facial expression
based sense of humor. Because now, it's either
one of two things. He just made a tasteless untrue joke about trying to end his
life, or as he then implied, something sort of like
this might have happened, but instead of bringing that transparency and honesty to the video, we just get this four story house tour
from a couple of people who believe in ghosts and demons to such a scientific extent
that I'm starting to wonder if that's just evolution's
way of giving the human brain something to deal with
when you have nothing else to do all day, but sit around
and collect passive income. There is another point
where Shane mentions that things got very dark for him, but he doesn't wanna make
the video about that. In fact, I don't really think he wants to make the video about anything. He says, this is an
attempt to just help him start creative feeling again. But I keep scrubbing back and forth through all 40 minutes of this. And I swear to Gobbles the
Ghost that I'm not finding any creativity throughout, so I'm stumped. Of course, Shane hasn't
lost his trademark brand of like kind of hyperactive humor. - Uh, Okay. What do I want to say? I feel like I have so much to say, and I don't know where to start. Look at my new bling pumpkin. (Shane and crew laugh) - I'm sure this is going to sound snobby, but I don't even want
to look at that thing. This is the type of
decoration that was made for the front desk of your Botox place from October through November. Also, I hate to say it so early on, but this series already lacks focus. That entire sentence lacked focus. You don't know what you wanna say, but you have a lot to say? Maybe put a few (beeps)
bullets in your notes app before you start recording. So already, the video has nothing to do with the title of it. He didn't open by being
like, so here's the deal. My house is haunted,
which would have gotten me into the zone right away. It's him like all of a
sudden doing a house tour. I feel like I've already seen this on Ryland's dumbass channel. - After we moved in, I
saw PewDiePie made a video making fun of it. - In this house, we laugh a lot. We.
- It's just so cheesy. But it's cute, right? - It's literally got
paint that's like chipping and peeling off of it, so I'm not even gonna
answer that question. If that sign were in the
house that I just dropped $2.2 million on it would
be in my closing contract that the previous homeowners
have to take it off the wall, bring it out into the backyard and beat each other to death with it. That's what they've obviously been doing using that sign to put
their sick livestock out of its misery for the
last five generations. The interior decoration
on this 2.2 million home, like Mama, girl, whatever, not my money. - 'Cause I finally don't
really care anymore what other people think about me, except for myself, but I
don't really like me either. So I'm in a weird place.
(Chris laughs) I'm just kidding, I'm feeling great. - I didn't learn anything over my break. Just kidding, I did. My life was in danger. Just kidding, it wasn't. I still hate myself.
Just kidding, I don't. No offense, Shane, but this
video about your haunted house sort of feels like the first time visiting your dad's new apartment
after the divorce. This is where I sleep. As you can see, Mommy
decided she gets to keep the expensive mattress
that Daddy paid for. Just kidding. Isn't it cool how my new
bed comes out of the couch? I'm like, okay, my brain
isn't fully processing why this is making me feel weird, but I'll definitely remember
it for the rest of my life. - I am tired of just sitting around and waiting for some crazy idea to hit me. I feel like if I don't just
start trying something, nothing's gonna happen. Like maybe this will
get me creative again. Wait, what am I talking about? I have a pinata, sorry, random. But this is my pinata. I love her. - I remember at the
beginning when this said, viewer discretion always advised? Did you mean parental supervision? Because right now, you're
showing us the things people buy for a kid's party. From the intro, you really
made it seem like this series would have a darker tone, so
I don't know what's going on. If that's not the actual cursed pinata from Llorona's wedding reception, and it's not filled with blood and guts, I'm staying unsubscribed
because Shane Dawson is still not giving us anything
he promised in his series. - I'm in a place now where I, it's been very, oh my
God, the sun's coming out. (light piano music) I wish I cared about that. I'm in a place, you know
people who care about that, it's weird, okay. The sunset. I'm like, and? - Yeah, it's evidence that
you don't have much of an eye for natural beauty since the
entirety of your last series took place under the
harsh fluorescent lighting of one conference room
that always looked like it was too cold. Shane feels really happy
with the move to Colorado. He loves having Ryland's family close by. It feels like his family and he's ready to start a new chapter. - In the next chapter of my life, I really do wanna focus on
what I wanted to do forever, which is make horror movies,
and Colorado is (beeps) scary. (laughs) Like the energy
here is just different. Like it gets, I don't know. Like it really does
inspire me to write more, to get more excited about horror and to kinda tap into that place. - Okay, then do it. Why has it taken you
10 minutes to say that? If he could've just started
the video at this point, it would've saved me
from having to make 12 to 20 critical remarks about his work. I know technically I don't have to make these comments anyway, but then, what would you be watching on
your lunch break right now? Shout out to the lunch break crew. Drop an emoji in the comments
of what you're eating for lunch today. I better see so much (beeps) and eggplant in those comments because
that means you're probably not able to skip my midroll ad. Revenue, literal garbage. - That's, you know, it's the stairs. - I appreciate you showing
me, but those don't seem tall enough for me to break a bone if I throw myself down them. So I'm gonna have to
think of some other way to injure myself as an excuse to leave. Would you mind dropping
one of those kitchen knives on my foot? I liked that Shane is talking
about how he's in therapy. That's great. He was actually in therapy
before all of the older stuff came out and kind of canceled him, and he expresses how it was
sort of a surreal experience because he felt that he was being canceled for stuff that he had already changed and grown and learned from. I feel like that was really clear with his early apology videos a year ago, but it's nice to hear him recognize that, oh, it's not enough for me to just say, that's not me anymore, and
he accepts that it is him, but he learned from it. What it falls short of is him adding on like a specific apology
to the groups of people he may have harmed with that past content. And honestly, it seems
like such a vital step in making a public apology
for any sort of mistake. He's probably apologized
for specific remarks and videos in the past, but
now that he has this foresight and he seems to really
understand the severity of what he did and learn
from his cancellation, it just seems like a good
time just for him to be like, so now let me say one more
time to the Black community, I'm so sorry for doing this, to the trans community, I'm
so sorry for doing this, to anyone who felt that this was promoting this horrible act, I'm so sorry, And I'm going to work so hard to do that. You know, where is
that? We never get that. It's always just like, I'm
sorry for anything offensive I've ever done, and I'm
never gonna do it again. But whatever, let's just keep watching. - I literally, I had a
plan going into this, like I was gonna tell you guys
about this haunted location we're going to later. - Well, guess what?
It's still not too late. Before you uploaded this,
you could have just cut out all of the garbage that
makes this very informal vlog feel a tad oversold when you
call it a three-part series, like it's a limited (beeps) Netflix show. This entire episode has
basically nothing to do with the haunted location
they're about to visit. And I'm betting that the next two episodes we are gonna see could have
easily been cut down into one. Shane has never proven
himself to be someone who can sustain an
interesting arc of a story over a multiple parts series. And I would be more impressed
if he could just show us that he's able to produce one
successful standalone piece, but that would require some self-editing. And it just doesn't make as much money as cranking out countless
minutes of nonsense and just layering on the pointless fluff. Like to me, this is
not entertaining enough to warrant millions of view
on YouTube, but you know, clearly entertainment is subjective. I know because I've been subjected to this entertainment for so long. No planning. Ugh, I hate it. - [Ryland] We're gonna
just run these under water so we don't light the new house on fire. - Which could be a good series. - Shane, baby, I don't know
if you're watching this. And if you are, I apologize for saying that your back was wet
enough to grow moss, although I do hope it
helps give you an example of what a good joke sounds like. But anyway, I just had to jump
in after what you just said and remind you that you
have no (beeps) clue what would make a good series. That much we know. We keep seeing the evidence
in all of your series that aren't good. Like if you wanna make a horror movie, try writing and producing
a short horror movie. You have all the money you need to fund it yourself right now. So what's holding you back? Like I just don't, I
don't feel bad for Shane and his artistic creative block because there is no creativity
there that's been blocked. He has the privilege where he's sitting and to completely fund his own movie, as he's done in the past, and even like do a whole behind the
scenes series behind it, to like make us feel excited about it. And then, he could add
all these other actions that make him seem like not
a total like tone-deaf idiot, like hiring a cast of
really inclusive people, getting very talented and diverse writers to help improve his work,
building a crew that's gonna help enhance the final product
rather than just try to take it all on himself and do a
half-ass job with all of it. Make a movie, not this low
effort, stupid documentary. Now let's take a quick break with a word from our
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'cause it's time to get back to the Shane of it all. Here's a little bit
about how we meet Chris, our current camera operator. - I met you in 2009 on a short film that I've probably deleted
and now looking back, there's jokes in them and
there's things in that that like, I would never do now, but
I shouldn't just throw all that stuff away when it
kind of got me to where I am and it also connected
with people and yeah, there was bad stuff in those videos, but like the good stuff
connected with people. And I can't just throw that away. - Ah, I think you can just throw it away. It might've just connected with people because you were spoofing "Twilight" at the height of its popularity. So I don't really feel like
this needs to be archived for the Library of Congress. I'm not sure why Shane's trying to say that there were redeemable moments, even in his most problematic
content, because that's a lie. There were cheap, formulaic,
forced sentimental endings that all felt stolen from other movies. So it's not like it was
insanely creative storytelling that was like coming through, even though there were bad parts to it. Also, I'm pretty sure
another reason Shane's videos were connecting with
people at such a rapid rate is because he learned how
to game YouTube's algorithm at the time, which caused
his videos to be recommended to a whole bunch of
preteens who were too young to understand the depth of the prejudice in what he was showing them. Now it is the point that 25 minutes in, over halfway through, where Shane finally starts talking about the ghosts. - I feel like the entity in this house, whatever is back here is
like positive and creative and exciting, but I could be lying. They could be lying to me,
but it feels good down here. - That's not one of your angels. That's not one of your
lovely spirit guides. That's gonna be a negative spirit. - I don't know why Johnny
Under Armour over here is supposed to know
everything about angels and spirit guides, but I do know that his desktop lamp lighting is putting me in a negative spirit. Shane obviously loves to
re-edit and mix in clips from other creators to add
some Italian dressing zest to his big nothing sandwich of a video. But to me, for someone who says they wanna get creative again, this documentary feels
very under-produced. Shane didn't wanna FaceTime
with some paranormal expert to show them the house
and get their approach on how to go into the situation? Like maybe we're getting this
house tour by you showing a psychic who was trying to
get a feel for the energy. Like that idea would've
required, maybe, at most, four extra hours of effort
going into this video, but it would've made it seem 10 times more professional and structured. And I just thought of
that at the same time as I'm trying to get this
annoying strand of pineapple out from between my molars. (clicks tongue) Hold on. Nope, you know what? That's an unexposed nerve ending. Is it like a normal
Halloween thing for my teeth to keep falling out? Let me know in the comments below. (sighs) So Shane says that he
met somebody who said like, oh no, this town has a
really haunted place, and I just wanna point out that literally, like almost every single
town in the U.S., at least, has like a local area that the kids claim to be haunted and drive to at night. - So I asked Morgan and I was
like, have you heard of this? And she was like, it's really scary. And I was like, well, should we go? And she was like, it's like real. Like, it's not one of those
things where it's like, oh my God, like, I heard. It's like, there's people
that have gone there that are like, they are
horrified and (beeps) up and things follow them back home. - Things follow them back
home, like stray cats? I feel like if you can
just try to wear a shirt that doesn't smell like hot
dogs, then we should be fine. Do you have any? This is just a perfect
example of Shane's broken, discontinuous logic when it
comes to making a documentary. He just had the audacity to say this. - Like, it's not one of
those things where it's like, oh my God, like I heard. It's like, real. - Literally 10 seconds after saying. - So I heard about a
place from someone I met at a coffee shop. - Shane, I have to ask how
in the Halloween (beeps) did you get so famous on YouTube when you seem to edit your
videos at the same time, you're watching the latest
episode of "Big Brother"? Don't tell me that something
is more than just hearsay when all you have for
me so far is hearsay. ♪ Hearsay, queersay, on career day ♪ ♪ Strut that catwalk in a fierce way ♪ - That was just a little
something for you DJs out there to sample, royalty free
within reason, actually If we're getting on the
billboard charts, I want a cut. See as a storyteller, this
is where it become clear to me that episode one
of the series should be all about going into the
lore of this haunted area. Where did this coffee
shop person hear about it? Is it something that everyone
knows about from childhood? Let's look up articles about
it at the local library, because it would be visual and cinematic. You know, I'm just tossing out a few ideas that would cost, mm, a half a tank of gas and like a half hour of planning. I just feel like that might
be a worthwhile investment since you'll be making
thousands of dollars in revenue, off of people watching this content. And also just because you said you want to make horror movies one day, but then you don't even try to elevate your so-called horror series
above the production quality of an unscary seasonal vlog. And it's not like I want
to completely dismiss this very informal style
of documentary filmmaking that Shane uses, although
I could really do without the cartoon music cues and audibly overdramatic camera operator. In any case, when Shane
uses this run and gun style of shooting, it never feels like it's an intentional production choice that was used to like more
effectively tell the story or make it more scary. It always, it just looks like it was done because it was simply the cheapest, fastest way that required
little to no prior planning. My feelings on making any type of video from mine here on YouTube, all
the way up to a feature film is that you can really only
have two of those three things and still expect a decent result. For example, if you want a great
looking project to get done fast and cheap, then you better
have planned and rehearsed the hell out of it beforehand. If you wanna get it done fast, but you haven't done any prior planning, then it definitely won't be cheap to get the best looking results. And finally, if you
wanna get it done cheap and you still haven't
done any prior planning, then you can bet that it's
not going to get done fast. You're gonna be taking
a lot of time on set, trying to figure things out
to make them look right, time that you may not have. It's basically a variation
of the famous dilemma of fast, cheap, and good. You can only choose two. However, this rule does not
apply to everything. Okay? When it comes to me, if
you want it done fast, cheap, and good enough, then
I scribbled my phone number on the bathroom wall, but
it was in my own bathroom. So now I have to repaint before I move. Oh, that sounds hard. Can one of you just come do it for me? I'm just going to put up a screenshot of my address on Google Maps. You can drop by anytime
that works for you. Thanks. In this next sentence, I definitely start to smell a rebrand. Shane is using words like I
wanna get back into horror, like I was getting too scared of it, but now I really wanna lean into it. So I don't know if he's trying to be like, you know, the channel is
going to be all ghost hunty, like Demi Lovato is doing now,
but yeah, I smell a stunt. - [Chris] Oh, this is cool. All silhouetted. Oh no!
(glass smashing) I'm gonna have a heart attack tonight. - Okay, Chris, we just met you today. So are you being facetious
or is this your way of telling us that you suffer
from nightly heart attacks? Okay, wait, now I'm
the one being facetious and you're the ones
pretending to be scared of a fully lit basement
early in the afternoon and well into your thirties. I think that's the casting breakdown for this adventure so far. Well, let's forge ahead. - [Chris] I'm gonna die not
from a ghost, from anxiety. - Oh my God, imagine a ghost with anxiety. (Chris and Shane laughing) Ooh, ooh! I wanna possess you,
but I'm claustrophobic! - Remember when Shane played devil music at the beginning of this and warned us, viewer discretion always advised? And now we're watching him
unwittingly describe the plot of "Casper, The Friendly Ghost." As you saw, Shane said,
he feels like the entity in this house is like a
creative and positive force. And I'm like, baby, you better hope so. If I were Shane Dawson, I
would be selling my soul and licking the devils (beeps) for just one ounce of creativity. I mean, honestly, I
would do that right now just for a change of scenery. Okay, so once they get back
upstairs, everyone freaks out because there's physical
evidence of a ghost, even though there's not. - What happened? - [Chris] Oh, I don't know. I don't know- - You don't what that is? - No.
- It just happened. - [Chris] Wait, stop,
you're scaring so much. - Are you serious?
- That? What? - [Chris] I don't know. - Okay, we might not know
the source of this abrasion, but I think it's safe to say
it's not life-threatening so maybe the outright panic
and fear is a little much. I'm not trying to invalidate
the potentially spooky nature of Chris's painless scratch,
but I have sensitive skin and I'll get something
like that just from rubbing against a sharp edge or corner. Call me when the demon
scratches a graffiti style tag onto someone's lower back
that says (beeps) I'm dumb. That's when I'll be interested in getting in line to have
the same thing scratched onto my back, baby. Halloween, Halloween. I'm just kidding, Mom and Dad. - [Chris] Stop it! I'm so scared. This is a horror movie. - 'Cause that's gonna
be a negative spirit. - Oh, I guess we gotta go back
to the Velveeta guest room to check in with that guy again. Also, I want to object very early on to Chris referring to
this as a horror movie, because Shane Dawson will try
to list it as such on IMDB. And I promise you, I am willing to let some independently wealthy person take him to the Supreme Court on that. Actually, no, I'm not inciting anything. I'm not suggesting that,
I'm perfect, I'm innocent. Look, I wear lip gloss. This scratch is like the climax. (Chris laughs) - That's actually scary, right? Or no? That's not. It's normal.
- I didn't even realize it. - It definitely looks like a scratch. - To answer all of your
questions, it is not scary. It is normal, and no, it
does not look like a scratch from any sort of claw. So why don't you just close the (beeps) fridge door
behind you so at least there's one thing going on in this kitchen that isn't a total waste of energy. I really here understand the full extent of how much Shane and
Ryland believe in ghosts. I'm not judging people
who believe in ghosts, I'm not saying I don't believe in ghosts. I'm saying there's not
a lot of concrete proof that we need to be afraid
of them in everyday life. - There was a demon
that took over my body. I don't know how much he's told you. - It actually happened. I came to bed one night and he popped up, jumped up out of bed and he went, "Watch out for the balloons. "You're gonna die. "Don't fall off the bed. "You're gonna die." And he like looked at me in the eyes, and I said, what? And then, he goes, "Ha,
ha, ha, you're gonna die!" - I mean, that was definitely weird, and I hate that my brain
has to retain the image of you doing that just now. But it kind of sounds like
Ryland's demon was trying to help you avoid death. He said, don't fall off the bed, probably don't go on any
hot air balloon rides. And the last time wasn't super specific, but I would assume even a demon would be concerned about
your diet soda intake. Also, if Shane was looking for inspiration for his horror movie so much, why didn't he use that scary experience? Like that was the creepiest part of this was him being like, you're gonna die. So like write that into
a short horror film, share that scary experience you had through some characters that
you created in a fictional way. Whatever, not my millions
of dollars to waste. - I was just like trying
to go back to sleep, pretend it didn't happen. And he kept being like,
well, what's wrong? What's going on? And I'm like, I don't wanna talk about it. And then I laid awake the whole night, thinking that moving to
Colorado ruined our lives. - Oh, well that was a very
revealing story, wasn't it now? I guess I just never occurred to me that two fully grown homeowners
could work themselves up into a legitimate demon panic because one of them talked in their sleep, but I don't even care about the possession of Emily Ryland Adams Rose. As much as I do that he
instantly took it as proof that it was a mistake to move to Oregon. Like I guess just some people
really hate demons and ghosts to be a more practical
thing than I realized. Like these two are fully out here floating through those Portland woods naked, like the final scene in "The Witch." This is real life to them. Demons warned me not
to move to this house. Throughout the video, you
really get a sense that Ryland is not as excited about
moving to Oregon as Shane is. Ryland feels more like he moved back to his childhood hometown, which he did, where Shane feels like, oh, he's done this Jeffree Star thing of
getting out of LA to own a ranch. Anyway. - Cats do this crazy thing
where they see ghosts. He's laying on my chest and then he'll go. (eerie music) And then he'll look over
me, and then he'll go. And he'll follow it across the room, and then all the hairs
on his body stand up. And then he goes. (moans) - [Chris] Oh. (Shane continues moaning) - And then I go, Cheeto,
you're scaring me, Cheeto, you're scaring me. - Wow, it really sounds like Shane lives with a lot of paranormal anxiety. Are you really about to
call the Ghostbusters because your cat can hear
the pipes in your walls? Like it makes more sense
for an animal to be scared or confused by that since
they have tiny, smooth brains. I don't know what Shane
Dawson's brain looks like, but I mean, at the very least,
he seems willing to sink down to that mental level of cats. If my cat was staring off
and making a weird noise at the walls, I'm sorry. As a 30 year old person, I would not say, Cheeto, you're scaring me,
Cheeto, you're scaring me. I would say you're being a cat. Bye, cat, hi, cat. Again, I'm not a doctor,
but all of this anxiety about ghosts and demons
from both of the members of this household seem
or feel on some level like a symptom of another type of anxiety. You know? Like this is just the way
that it's manifesting itself. But what the (beeps) do I know? All right, finally, we're going to the
stupid haunted location. Literally the last 10
minutes of the episode. - I also need a hard drive, 'cause I'm gonna be editing again! - Ooh. Why did he say that the same exact way that the demon warned him about his death? You're gonna die! I'm
gonna be editing again. Whoo! - Experience the sunset over the lake? - (sighs) Look at it. Isn't it pretty? - [Chris] What's like down over there? - Oh.
(Chris laughs) I was like, you took a picture, probably. - Yeah.
- I'll show it. Isn't it pretty?
(Chris laughs) - Yes, it actually was a
gorgeous golden hour sunset. You probably could've caught
some beautiful footage for your three-part series
that you're working so hard on. Again, it's a little
weird to me that Shane keeps talking about wanting
to make movies for a living when he has never, ever once shown a legitimate interest in cinematography. Sunrises and sunsets
look gorgeous on camera because the quality of
the sunlight is so unique, and you get these long
shadows that add dimension and texture to the ground. Like does Shane even think in his head about what makes a good movie good? I'm so tired. I so pale. I didn't know that Shane and Ryland, they believe in a seemingly
like a monotheistic God. They're like, that sunset looks like God. Jesus is up there being like, hell yeah. Maybe he's trying to sell this content on the backend of Pure Flix. - Specifically, we weren't
aware that we moved into, I don't know-
- Trump country? - But the people here are
so nice that they're like, when they see that we're
two guys in a relationship, they're like, oh, you guys are together? And we're like yeah. And they're like, wow, that's amazing. I love gay people. Gay people are great. Nothing wrong with them,
they're not weird at all. And I'm just like, it's
really sweet, though. It's sweet. - I mean, I guess I'm glad that you see it as sweet, but in reality, it's actually a more insidious form of homophobia. You and your partner live in a town where you can't go about your daily life without straight people
feeling entitled enough to let you know that they approve that your relationship exists. Like as though anyone
(beeps) asked, Martha. When people are truly
comfortable with something, it usually doesn't have to
be brought up for no reason. Like if you're actually
comfortable with me and my same sex presenting partner coming into your little gift shop, then I should be able to
buy my Himalayan salt lamp without you validating the
morality of my love life. Straight people need to get it together. You don't see queers getting
all caught up and curious about the way you have sex, because we're smart enough to
know not to think about things that we find gross. Oh, you're a man and a woman
together, you have a baby? (gasps) So you, sir,
(beeps) in her (beeps)? You (beeps) in her (beeps)? And then some of the cells
danced around in the vagina until an alien fetus dropped out? Oh. Like, that's not something
people wanna talk about while they're waiting for their latte. Gay people know that enough. I hate that queer people, and
this is a great example of it, I hate that queer people
don't have, truly, the freedom to live anywhere
they want in the country, meaning that they would be
free from microaggressions or subtle discrimination
or overt discrimination in many states or just this
type of social ostracization. And it makes me sad to see that you know, Shane and Ryland didn't even
realize, or didn't consider that they would be moving back
to a more conservative area where there might be challenges
for a same-sex couple that they have to face that they didn't when they lived in LA. But I mean, there's also a
lot of value in queer people moving out to those areas
that aren't coastal cities, but you know, this is our country too. This is our world. People need to get used to
LGBTQIA+ identifying people no matter where they live. Unfortunately that's
not the America we have for queer people right
now, or people of color. And please, we need to
protect trans women of color who are at the most risk. See how this series is already depressing? - Do you think we're
gonna live here forever? - [Ryland] Um, I don't know. - So this episode, called "The
Haunting of Shane Dawson," is about five minutes from being over. But so far, it seems like the only person who's feeling haunted is
Ryland, by the commitment to a 30-year mortgage
back in his hometown. They always make leaving the big city seem like a great idea at the end
of Hallmark Christmas movies, and my first thought is,
oh, it must be so nice for hetero straight Jessica
and Johnny to be able to live anywhere on earth without
having a hate crime graffitied under their garage door. That's basically the episode. 'Cause now, we just go to a coming up next on this stupid series where
we actually hear some info on what I guess the meat
of this is supposed to be. - Oh my gosh.
- I just feel like a negative demon is attached to that. - But it's not the camera, 'cause it's not in all of them. - I don't know what, it
sounds like you all need a part-time job or something
if I'm being really honest, just to make sure your
old egg stays hard-boiled, if you know what I mean. The house tour's not over. Shane wants to show us his backyard. I agree, this house could
make a cool location for a horror film. I hope to see it used in such a way. - I love being by water. Being out by this lake. Why's the water turning brown? - [Chris] Was it not
brown before? (laughs) - No. Anyone know how to take care of a lake? - Uh, yeah, I think the
first step is being able to distinguish between a lake and a pond. I would be kind of embarrassed
to keep telling people that I owned a lake, and then
when they show up to see it, it's a brown puddle with
dead koi fish floating in it like chicken noodle soup. Anyway, to take care of your
pond, which is usually defined by it being shallow enough that sun can penetrate to the bottom, you can add some Pond Clear
to kill that algae overgrowth, or you could use a biofilter
for a natural option, or you could just put on
your snorkeling goggles and get in there yourself to see if you can physically
remove the rotting body of whatever moose waded
in there when it realized it was too old to go on. In case it wasn't clear, Shane
had no plan for this video. - I really don't know what this video is. What do I call this video? - You're going to call it the first part of a three-part series,
when what it actually is, is 40 minutes of you deciding what your series will
be about, which to me is a preposterous and lazy
idea that will still somehow result in you getting the maximum millions of required views that
will pay the mortgage on your country restaurant ranch house and backyard cesspool. Must be nice. I've only had two videos
surpass a million views, and I actually care about my work. And ironically, guess who
those two videos were about? Wait, sometimes I can't
tell the difference between irony and just a sad fact. Which is the one that
they put people with polio in back in the '20s? Oh, an iron lung. Yeah, I want one of
those to help me recover from watching whatever this is, but I don't mean to sound
bitter, I promise you, because no amount of AdSense
money or internet fame is worth the fact that
I am Nock Doritomino, a grown adult who does not
live in the constant fear of an impending demon attack every time the water heater kicks
on, and for that reason, I'm proud to be me. (kisses) Oh, why did I pick out so
many clips for this video? I don't care what you say next. - Honestly, I'm not just
saying this to be like, funny and like relatable,
but like I'll break it. Like I'm more comfortable with my body. Like I'm fine, but like I'll break it. - All right. It's official. Shane has a really updated
his sense of humor. So now his unfunny, self-deprecating
comments also include an immediate disclaimer that
he's actually in a good place and improving his self-image. He's like, it seems like some
of you used to really like it when I openly hate myself,
but then it seems like some of you don't like it, so
I'm just gonna keep doing both until people start buying my merch again. That's the authenticity
my audience deserves. (sighs deeply) And that's all she wrote for "The Haunting of Shane
Dawson," episode one of three. Gotta tell you, I'm
glad this one's shorter. We'll see when the next
one even comes out. I was not prepared for this. I wanna do real horror movies. So expect some more spooky
content coming your way in the form of "Clip Breakdown." You guys are all the greatest. Thank you for Nock
Doritomining with me today. Don't forget, I have merch available, and a Patreon, where you can access exclusive bonus episodes
and virtual watch parties. You guys are all the greatest. I will see you next time.
(static crackling)
