Red vs. Blue Complete | Season 1

this episode is sponsored by omen omen oasis is a new free to download and easy to use private streaming add-on for the omen gaming hub a virtual room for you and up to 15 of your friends for private gaming and watch parties download oasis on the omen gaming hub and try out the beta now [Music] and violets are blue one day we'll cruise down [Applause] [Music] again [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] is it draws hey yeah you ever wonder why we're here it's one of life's great mysteries isn't it why are we here i mean are we the product of some cosmic coincidence or is it really a god watching everything you know with a plan for us and stuff i don't know man but it keeps me up at night what i mean why are we out here in this canyon oh yeah well the stuff about god uh nothing you want to talk about it no you sure yeah seriously though why are we out here as far as i can tell it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere no way in or out the only reason that we set up a red base here is because they have a blue base over there and the only reason they have a blue base over there is because we have a red base here yeah that's because we're fighting each other no no but i mean even if we were to pull out today and they were to come take our base they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon what do you [ __ ] do what's up with that anyway i mean i signed on to fight some aliens next thing i know master chief blows up the old covenant armada and i'm stuck in the middle of nowhere fighting a bunch of blue guys [Music] what are they doing what i said what are they doing now god damn i'm getting so sick of answering that question you have [ __ ] rifle i can't see [ __ ] don't [ __ ] at me because i'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick okay look they're just standing there and talking okay that's all they're doing that's all they ever do is just stand there and talk that's what they were doing last week that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago so five minutes from now when you ask me what are they doing my answer is gonna be they're still just talking and they're still just standing there what are they talking about you know what i [ __ ] hate you talk about a waste of resources i mean we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life you know fight them yeah no [ __ ] that's why they should put us in charge ladies front and center on the double [ __ ] yes sir hurry up ladies this ain't no ice cream social ice cream social stop the pillow talk you two anyone want to guess why i gathered you here today uh is it because the war is over and you're sitting at home that's exactly it private war's over we won turns out you're the big hero we're gonna hold a parade in your honor i get to drive the float and simmons here is in charge of confetti i'm the stranger to sarcasm sir god damn it private shut your mouth or else i'll have simmons slit your throat while you're asleep oh i'd do it too i know you would simmons good man a couple of things today ladies command a scene fit to increase our ranks here at blood gulch outpost number one crap we're getting a rookie that's right dead man our new recruit will be here within the week but today we received the first part of our shipment from command lopez bring up the vehicle may i introduce our new light reconnaissance vehicle it has four inch armor plating mag buffer suspension a mounted machine gunner position and total seating for three gentlemen this is the m12 lrv i like to call it the warthog why warthog sir because m12 lrv is too hard to say in conversation son no but white warthog i mean it doesn't really look like a pig say that again i think it looks more like a puma what in sam hell is a puma uh you mean like the shoe company no like a puma it's a big cat like a lion you're making that up i'm telling you it's a real animal simmons i want you to poison griff's next meal yes sir look see these two toe hooks they look like tusks and what kind of animal has tusks a walrus didn't i just tell you to stop making up animals what is that thing i don't know i mean it looks like uh looks like they got some kind of car down there we better get back to base and report it a car how can they get a car what are you complaining about man we're about to get a tank in the very next drop you can't pick a chick on a tank oh you know what you could [ __ ] about anything couldn't you we're gonna get a tank and you're worried about chicks what chicks are we gonna pick up man for and secondly how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that what kind of car is it i don't know i've never seen a car like that before it looks like a uh like a big cat of some kind what like a puma yeah man there you go so unless anybody has any more mythical creatures to suggest is a name for the new vehicle we're gonna stick with the warthog how about it griff yes sir no more suggestions are you sure how about bigfoot it's okay unicorn no really oh i'm cool sasquatch leprechaun hey he doesn't need any help man phoenix christ hey simmons what's the name of that mexican lizard they tell the goats uh that would be the chupacabra sir hey griff stupa thingy how about that i like it got a ring to it [Music] hey that's not exactly what happened yes it is you said i'm not going to the vegas quadrant and then the next thing i know you're in an escape pod headed give me uh sirs sirs oh crap i was told to report to blood gulch outpost number one and speak to whoever's in charge sorry man sergeant of the command getting orders ain't nobody in charge today actually private he left me in charge while he's gone you were such a kiss ass also he told me if i had any trouble from you i should in the warthog and crush your head like a tomato can that's the worst impression i've ever heard okay rookie what's your story private donut reporting for duty sir i'm ready to fight some aliens couple of things here rookie first off private donuts i think somebody needs a new nickname secondly let's put the armor color this is the standard issue red yeah i know listen only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor officers and recruits and since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish you're probably not an officer well he's wearing red armor no my armor is maroon your armor is red well how do i get a different color armor i'll bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap so i say to the guy how are you going to get the tank down to the planet and he goes i'll just put it on the ship and i go if you've got a ship that can carry a tank why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead hey kid yeah you're ruining the moment shut up oh okay you got it man you know what i could blow up the whole goddamn world with this thing okay private donut here's the deal i just refuse to call him private donuts we've got a very important mission for you you think you can handle it absolutely we need you to go to the store and get two quarts of elbow grease yeah and uh pick up some headlight fluid for the puma too so what it means for the warthog you do know where the store is right rookie what yeah yeah of course i do sure no problem well get going then other way i knew that just gotta turn around that's all how long do you think until he figures out there's no store i say at least a week elbow grease how stupid do they think i am once i get back to base with that headlight fluid i'm gonna talk to the sergeant you know what forget what i said before we can definitely pick up chicks in this thing probably two or three chicks a piece oh man listen to you what are you gonna do with two chicks church women are like voltron the more you can hook up the better it gets you think that we were too mean as a kid nah he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours what's the worst that could happen finally there it is oh sweet they sell tanks yeah i'll let you in on a little secret i've uh i've actually got a girl back home oh yeah girlfriend or wife no man she's just my girlfriend you know we were gonna get married but i got shipped out uh you know how it works oh well are you going to marry her when you get back i'm not going to get married my dad always said why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free hey rookie did you just call my girlfriend a cow no i think he called her a [ __ ] i'll tell you what noob i could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long but as it turns out i got a lot more important job for you to do great see we've got this general right the general guy who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases so what i'm gonna have you do is i'm gonna have you go in the base and stand right next to the flag in attention just in case he decides to come by when is he coming by we'd never know could be today could be a week from now you want me to stand at attention for a week you know you don't sound very grateful this is the most important job at the whole base you're gonna be right there with the flag what's so important about the flag oh come on don't they teach you guys anything in training they didn't tell us anything about a flag why is it so important because it's the flag man you know it's it's the flag it's tucker you tell them why the flag is so important well it's complicated it's blue we're blue it's just important okay trust us so when the general comes by the first thing he's going to want to do is inspect the flag right so just go in there you know far away from us and wait for him how i know when i see him there's only three of us out here rookie he's going to be a guy that doesn't look like one of us now get in there and don't come out man that guy is dumber than you are you mean he's dumber than you are wow tucker that was a great comeback uh mr church sir oh my god what tucker i swear i'm gonna kill him sorry about calling your girl a [ __ ] rookie shut up shut up you're driving me crazy get in there tucker are you laughing at me excuse me sir can i ask you a question dear god in heaven rookie if i turn around and you are not inside i i can't be held responsible for what i'm going to do to you what did i do what oh give me a break two fine wow you got here fast why is everybody so freaking rude in this canyon i'm not sir what can i do for you finally someone with a little respect around here yes sir i assume you're here because of this wait is this all you have uh yes sir that's it oh man this figures [ __ ] what about elbow grease um headlight fluid no all we have is a flag well i can't go back empty-handed i guess i'll take that sure that makes sense i guess man they're going to give me so much [ __ ] for coming back with just this stupid flag well enough gavin out of us let's take this bad boy out for a spin go ahead and hop in tucker me i can't drive that thing you're telling me you're not armor certified i don't even know how to use the [ __ ] sniper rifle don't you know how to drive that no holy crap who is running this army hey just wanted to let you know the general stopped by and picked up the flag yeah okay whatever [ __ ] why would they give us a tank if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing wait a second what did he just say let me get this straight you gave this guy our flag is that bad bad oh no that's not bad next time he comes over why don't you just help blow up the whole goddamn base there there he is where oh yeah oh i got him he's sneaking around back behind the cliffs he must be one smart son of a [ __ ] oh man i am so freaking lost where the hell is the base oh [ __ ] hey tucker look at his armor it's red oh man that means it's their sergeant well that makes sense at least now we know how he got by our defenses uh you know he came in the back door where you guys were standing yeah okay well let's take him out then roger that okay say good night sarge son of a ah [ __ ] what you're really not very good with that thing are you hey it's me don't shoot i'm the guy that bought the flag remember oh great now he's taunting us that's just embarrassing all right that's it i've had it rookie you stay here me and tucker we'll head to the teleporter we'll cut him off of the pass right tucker you ready let's go there is no way i'm going through that thing tucker we don't have time for this why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work i don't know why would they give us a tank that no one can drive we already tested the teleporter remember we threw rocks through it yeah and so what the rocks came out the other side didn't they yeah but they were all hot and covered with black stuff oh so i guess that's what this is all about then you're afraid of a little black stuff yes i am i am afraid of black stuff tucker i almost hate to do this to you you wouldn't you know i look at it this way either a we go through there and get the flag back or b we stay here and i get to kill you either way i win for the record i want you to know rocks aren't people duly noted now get in there crap all right one two huh he didn't come out the other side yeah i've uh i've decided i'm not gonna use the teleporter okay rookie you stay here i'll be back with the flag i still have no idea what you're talking about i didn't hear any shots i'm telling you it was four shots like bam bam bam wait a second that's only three bands bam wait a second we got a blue guy on the move out there where's he headed oh crap it's donut and he's got something it looks like simmons get the warthog you mean the puma freeze hey what the hell were you shooting at me you could have hit me dick can it don't try to play stupid with me sarge i know who you are we've been spying on you for three weeks now i just got here two hours ago and i'm not a sergeant i'm a private wait you're not the sergeant yeah that's what i just said well then how the hell did you manage to steal our flag steel i have no idea what the hell you're talking about jesus holy [ __ ] who is this guy what in the hell tucker is that you how did you get up here ahead of me and what's all that black [ __ ] on your armor hey freeze sarge will you stop calling me a sergeant i'm still just a private the sarge is still a private oh my god the teleporter sent me back in time sorry lopez we [Music] look i know you don't know me but you have to believe what i'm about to tell you sometime in your future i get stationed here in blood gulch and we meet and this guy here he gets promoted to sergeant of the red army and we spy on them and they get this new jeep and i'm all like there is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank tucker what the [ __ ] are you babbling about i know all this sounds crazy but he eventually becomes a sergeant and then one day we get a tank and he comes and steals our flag while we're distracted is this guy a [ __ ] red shut up tucker listen to me you haven't gone back in time okay this is the guy that stole the flag he's just not the sergeant turns out he's just some dumb rookie who happens to have the same color armor as him he got in somehow just forgot to make what is that music what the hell is going on here you know what i honestly have no idea what's going on i think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane how did you get this flag i don't know i just asked for it wait that what i guess is it not supposed to i don't know we never even thought to try that just take the flag to the face i'll explain there not until someone tells me what the [ __ ] there's no time to explain rookie just take the flag and go to base i'll explain everything there fine back to our base dumbass i know i just got turned around that's all oh man that's not good oh my god that jeep has a really big gun stay here hank stay here hank ah screw it well we'll just wait here that thing's got to run out of bullets sometime my god doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets you know in hindsight we should have brought the tank hey tucker what good is a tank going to do with if nobody here knows how to drive it yeah i can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy well yeah but oh man i guess i gotta give that one to you [Music] hello and thank you for activating the m808v main battle tank you may call me sheila hello sheila big tank lady would you like me to run the tutorial program oh that'd be very nice thank you tutorial program activated this program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this scorpion class tank let's begin with some driving okay simmons salmons man that thing is loud what come on let's sneak around the back of the rock and get them out down jesus let's go before they figure out what's going on now that you've mastered driving the m808v let's move on to some of the safety features no no wait go back why are there six pedals if there are only four directions hey they stopped firing why are you whispering um i don't know ah crap i don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way tell me again uh why did we get out of the jeep well i guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long or at least that was fun holy crap what in god's name is that thing tucker don't be stupid they're just trying to draw us out no they're not look they left the jeep they're gone well i don't know about this seems pretty fishy but all right screw it let's go get it dude hold still i don't think it sees us why is it just sitting there just trying to mess with our head let's get back to the warthog this tank is equipped with an auto fire sequence that can be activated by pressing the auto fire button here here no wait okay that's more of a switch in the button okay you ready let's do this on three one wait on three or three and then go on three it's always faster to go on three okay okay on three here tutorial deactivated auto fire sequence activated ready acquiring targets i'm going for the jeep cover me one target acquired who target lot three oh you backstabbing cockbite firing main cannon son of a [ __ ] hey dude the jeep blew up no kidding thanks for the update tucker hey i have a great idea let's get out of the jeep and sneak [Music] eliminated acquiring new targets hey tucker look at this man it's the rookie and he brought the tank out to scare off the reds what no way hey rookie good job man why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive a tank no target acquired that's not a target that's church yeah that's right it's me church what's going on man target lot what no target unlock unlock please help me nice lady firing main cannon holy [ __ ] church are you okay talk to me church you shot church you team killing [ __ ] hard auto fire sequence deactivated tucker church it's going to be okay man no i not i'm not gonna make it tucker there's something i need to tell you what is it i just want you to know i always hated you i always hated you the most yeah i know you did now hurry up and die you prick okay what happened big tank she damn man we only ran like 300 feet you are really out of shape [ __ ] you where's your car general patton here had a great strategy to leave it behind hey it wouldn't work if that tank hadn't shown up you lost the jeep oh man lopez is going to be pissed where is it what the hell crap what the hell is that thing that's the tank hey uh chris uh you want to hold the flag for a little bit no he got away from me why is he firing at the jeep because it's locked on target well unlock it last time i unlocked it i killed charge oh right keep shooting the g pin i hate to be the one to point this out guys but i think we're screwed yeah i have to agree with the rookie on this one blood coach outpost number one come in blood gum chop post come in do you read me oh my god sergeant is that you roger that private i am currently inbound to your position from command sir hello simmons i hope everything's going all right well i've been gone actually sir things are kind of hectic right now the new rookie arrived and somehow he managed to illustrate the blue base and now we have the flag the warthog is damaged one of our guys is dead and there's this huge [ __ ] tank about to destroy our base am not talking to the right babe sarge we are going to die here well then hold tight boys i think i got a solution to your little tank problem oh hey caboose you might want to get out of the tank like right now i can't figure out how to get this thing open night vision engage rookie get out now okay open it okay all right please open the door driver canopy is open thank you for using the m808v main battlefield man that was close look at your tank though i'm scared dave will i dream daisy sheila sheila wait who's sheila sheila's the lady in the tank she was my friend oh dude i knew you could pick up chicks in the tank [Applause] come in blue command this is blood gulch outpost alpha do you read me okay that is the last of it your armor is clean now did you get all the black stuff off this is blue command come in blood gulch outpost alpha hello command we need help roger that blood gulch what is your request i don't know what the technical military term is for it but uh we're pretty [ __ ] up down here we need men dude how long have you guys been down there no no no not like that we need more men to help us did you get the tank we sent yeah that got blown up too wow sucks to be you yeah we know okay here's what i can do the nearest blue forces can be there in 16 days or 16 days that's almost two weeks or i can hire a nearby freelancer and get them there within a few hours i like the in an hour one yeah me too roger that command we prefer the quicker solution 10-4 blood gulch we will contact freelancer texts whoever he is make sure he can fix a tank what's a freelancer freelancers are independent they're not red or blue they're just guns for hire who will fight for whoever has the most money like a mercenary right or like your mom when the rents do oh that's funny yeah you didn't think that was too obvious no no not at all it was good tucker tucker who the hell are you i am the ghost of church and i've come back with a warning you're not church the church is blue you're white rookie shut up man i'm a freaking ghost have you ever seen a blue ghost before yeah it's definitely him now i gotta start over again tucker tucker i've come back with a warning is it really necessary to do the voice yeah it's kind of annoying fine okay here's the deal i've come back from the dead to give you a warning about text don't let what's the warning shut up for one second and i'll tell you oh sorry seriously man i mean i'm coming back from the great beyond here do you think this is easy it's not it's not like just you know pop in and out whenever i feel like it takes a lot of concentration sorry i mean it's bad enough that you killed me to begin with but now i come back and i can't even get a word in edgewise man okay here's the deal is this the warning all right that's it i swear to god caboose your ass is haunted when we're done here i'm gonna haunt you yeah you're even starting to bug me okay tucker you remember that i told you i was stationed on sidewinder before they transferred me here to blood gulch right no sidewinder isn't that the ice planet yes cool what was that like um it was cold that's it just cold what do you want from me a poem it's a planet made entirely out of ice it's really [ __ ] cold would you just let him talk all right well one day when i was there everything was just like normal i remember i was out on patrol with my partner jimmy that jimmy was a real good kid everybody liked him do you think i was a good kid church tucker don't get jealous man just listen to the story okay like i said guys we're hanging around waiting for some action bitching about the cold man it's [ __ ] cold i hope we get some action anyway jimmy was in the middle of telling me all about this girlfriend he had back home yep as soon as i get back i'm gonna get down on one knee and ask her to marry me and that's when tex showed up private mickey was the first to go he was halfway across the base when all of a sudden he just started screaming bloody murder the whole thing was over before it even started poor jimmy was the last one to go tex walked up to him pulled jimmy's skull right out of his head and beat him to death with it wait a second how do you beat someone to death with their own skull that doesn't seem physically possible that's exactly what jimmy kept screaming this doesn't seem physically possible bottom line is these freelancers they're bad news and tex is one of the worst if he's such a badass why didn't he kill you hey i don't know why i'm not dead could have killed me at any point but maybe it's because tex and i have run into each other once before where you uh you remember that girl i told you about back home well let's just say the text is the real reason why we never got married guys i'm fading fast and i don't know when i'll be back just listen to my warning don't let tex get involved here okay i mean it tucker no fighting no scouting nothing you'll regret it so texan church were after the same girl i told you his girlfriend was a [ __ ] [Music] and then i thought you know we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock but uh well that's when the tanks showed up and [ __ ] just started blowing up i don't know griff do you have any godly idea how much this piece of equipment cost i don't know like what 10 to 10 20 25 bucks maybe you're going to kill me now aren't you tell you what griff i'm a fair man i'll give you a 10 second and start here before i let lopez do anything he wants to you guys i just want you to know i'm really really sorry here five mississippi six mississippi okay uh i guess i better get going then hey guys that's not funny somebody can get hurt here that's basically it sir they have five guys over there and a big jeep and your flag right that too uh hey tex i don't know what it's been like at your other bases but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here i'm scared so you've got the special forces black armor i see were you in the special forces at some point yeah i used to have black armor too it was black because i got this stuff all over it from the oh okay you gotta go i'll see you later i don't think he likes you thanks where are you going red base kill everybody get the flag back oh okay well just stay here and guard the transporter so starts on my strategy had merit but was poorly executed probably because somebody didn't believe in it [ __ ] he told me he thought you were a [ __ ] monkey and he's going to suspend your weapon privileges hey since i captured the flag you think they'll give me my own color armor now what do you mean captured you thought you were buying it at the store you idiot still you think there's a shot maybe they'll give you grips armor since you destroyed the warthog yeah wait you don't you don't think they'd do that do you try connecting that hose to that metal thingy there i think that's what's making that rattle i think i'll let you do it what the what was that simmons what's going on what's over there i thought i saw something for a second hey rookie tuck the flags don't play safe until we can figure out what's going on good idea i was sick of carrying this thing anyway did you hear that yeah hey what's going on what the [ __ ] what what is that thing what thing there's something on your head what is it a spider get it off no it's not a spider it's like a blue thing what like a blue spider get it off it's not a spider a calm down it's some kind of fuzzy pulsating thing that doesn't sound much better than a spider does it hurt no maybe we should try to take it off good idea go for it me by we i meant you [ __ ] well somebody needs to get it off look it might be dangerous he's really kicking their asses how come i never get the [ __ ] sniper rifle i'm really glad texas on our team and not theirs sure makes things a lot easier on us yeah i think switching text for church was a good trade it definitely seems like your killing church is starting to work out for us you know you think so you know i was going to say something but uh wait no did takes get in the basement blue team flag returned what the who said that i'm sorry that was me i uh i guess i had something stuck in my throat your flag is back by the way hey it's church yeah it's me hey caboose hey church what are you up to caboose i'm not really here to make small talk okay did you guys manage to get your flag back what oh that flag we've always had that tucker who do you think you're trying to fool hey wait a second where's tex i'm not really sure he said he was gonna go to the store something about uh elbow grease oh great this is so typical what was the one thing i told you guys the last time i appeared that sidewinder is called what was the other one thing i told you not to let him get involved right and what did you do we let him get involved and not just a little involved how involved very very involved freeze drop your weapon hey buddy what you really better hope the first one knocks me out oh what the freaking head jesus he's hurt griff he'll make it but we need to get him some help fast yeah yeah hold on a second what happened here first donut's head exploded and then you fainted and then some black things showed up and started oh whoa whoa wait i did not faint something knocked me out okay fine keep lying to yourself whatever helps you sleep at night and just go find sarge we gotta get donut out of here yeah sure oh and uh i'm fine by the way thanks for asking whatever no one likes you anyway yep he's definitely captured or dead captured or dead or captured and dead oh well that's just perfect what what is your problem why do you even care if he's captured i thought you hated that guy anyway for stealing your girlfriend i never said i hated tex i just said that she was the reason why we never got married gee sarge we need to get donut airlifted out of here could you put that in a memo and entitle it [ __ ] i already know get on the horror command wait look who's up that's a giant buttercup oh great you broke my voice filter you [ __ ] fighting [ __ ] i knew it only a trick could give you a headache this big let me get this straight you're telling me that the guy that showed up here scared the living [ __ ] out of us shot at caboose and beat the hell out of the reds wasn't a guy at all that he was a chick and on top of that she was your ex-girlfriend in a nutshell yes that's an excellent summary i should have known she didn't like me girls never like me caboose i don't think anybody likes you i like me i don't think i've seen a girl that mean before are you sure she's a chick and not a guy or like part guy part shark i'm pretty sure i would know if tex was a guy i'm definitely sure i would know if she was part shark wait wait wait if she's a girl then why is she named hex uh because she's from texas trust me it makes sense if you can't blame her for being so aggressive it's not entirely her fault to begin with right you should blame god first he makes hangovers and now half women have sharks that won't even sleep with me thanks for nothing god will you shut up with that she got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where they infused her armor with this really aggressive ai i'm not really sure how it all works but all i know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell a i what's the a stand for artificial what's the intelligence oh what was the again let's move on so the military put this program in her head and that program made her a killer but underneath it all she's really just a sweet down-home girl oh hell no she's always been a rotten [ __ ] it's just now she's a rotten [ __ ] with cybernetic enhancements wow sounds like you really won the lottery with that one good catch there buddy she's a keeper so how are you doing caboose are you following any of this whatsoever i think so that guy tex is really a robot and you're his boyfriend so that makes you a gay robot yeah that's right i'm a gay robot so you're a girl huh just ignore him that's what i do not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon aria hey punk i don't need a weapon to kill you yeah right what are you gonna do punch me not in the face well don't worry because i have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue techs a plan oh man i hate plans that means we're gonna have to do stuff can't we just have a strategy or a mission statement i just need you guys to run a distraction while i spring text distraction that sounds a lot like decoy the way i see it the reds have absolutely no idea how many freelancers we have out here so all i need from the two of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon wearing black armor while i sneak in the back of the base sounds good but church where the hell are we going to get two suits of black armor oh [ __ ] berries are you okay tucker yeah i'm fine come on caboose don't get hurt no not at all okay here i come does it hurt for real oh yeah big time you lied to me ah damn it lopez come here do you see something out there there's no l in it it's pronounced both that's what i'm saying both both you sound like such an ass the way you say it griff put your yammer in and get your tester up here need some help got more of them special ops fellas head toward the base as in more than one uh maybe we should both go sir both seriously man like an ass well well another brilliant idea from the think tank won't your boat come up leave the prisoner alone we could just put her on the honor system have her guard herself good point sir you're goddamn right it is now get your ass up here we got just enough time for me to spray paint the bullseye on your back uh my bullseye i of course mean camouflage now move it cupcake yeah i'll be right up hey tucker come in man you there this is church it's working the orange one is coming out of the base i repeat the orange one is coming out of the base roger that oh oh oh oh oh oh okay is that is that true okay tell him that i that i said for me saying hi wait wait hey what i missed that the boost was talking to me shut up man i'm on the radio i said just keep going i'm not yelling i'm just telling you to let me finish talking to church no i'll tell him you said hi later no you can't talk to him how could you possibly talk to him on my headset oh my god i can't believe i actually died for this war i don't see any uh oh yep there's one why is he just standing there caboose get behind the rock they can still see you they can't see me i can't see them that's because you're facing the rock oh right real smooth [ __ ] they're definitely special ops i haven't seen troop movements discoordinated since my days on side we can't harger sir are you okay uh are you talking to red me no i'm talking to lopez because you know that's real rewarding hey what'd i tell you about that all right i'm fine that's i'm just so mad about these uh goddamn blues out here it's like i'm so goddamn mad i can spit um sir did you just spit inside your own helmet uh yeah i guess i did permission to speak freely sir go ahead that's really [ __ ] gross hey tucker what i'm having a really good time with that's great caboose it's like we're real soldiers would you please go hide behind another rock hey man what's up yo uh hey what's going on out there sir what's up why nothing why would you ask if something's wrong i think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war yeah well i don't know you're starting to act kind of suspicious there other red guy some keep my eye on you sarge i'm starting to think that oh gee in the back of my head what the hell are you doing tex it's me church i've come to rescue you you're kind of short to be church what oh yeah right the armor wasn't sam hell where'd uh who spit on my visor tex there's not much time to explain so i'm just gonna give you the summary here okay i'm a spirit now and i'm trapped in the physical world i possess this red guy so that i can sneak into the base and rescue you while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon dressed in black armor that they got from going to the teleporter okay what that's it okay you're not surprised by any of this no it pretty much all makes sense not even the whole church is a ghost thing that didn't do anything for you i can see right through you it's pretty obvious okay well let me hop back in this guy and we'll get out of here what are you doing one of the reds has sex i'm going to shoot him and kill him and free hex then church will forgive me for killing him and we will be friends oh come on you don't actually believe any of that do you oh we're gonna be best friends all right i'll make one more distraction then you run up to the teleporter and escape ready one two three what that where did my body go oh you've gotta be kidding me tucker did it hello hello i said hello hello is anybody out here holy cow would you stop yelling i'm here what is this place well it's kind of hard to explain um you were shot in the head buddy so here you are come on dead are you dead well yeah that's how i ended up here are you some kind of angel am i an angel uh yeah actually i am i'm an angel um do you want to go to heaven because it's like 10 bucks to get in well i didn't really bring in it i mean my wallet's back in the car you don't have it there huh well uh that's too bad pretty crappy reason to be damned to hell for an eternity i don't remember dying yeah that's my fault too i was sort of possessing your body at the time that you were shot sorry about that hold on a second that ain't fair not fair yeah join the freaking club i got shot by my own tank target lost oh ha ha very funny sheila shut up you know i still haven't forgiven you i didn't say you could talk to me yet go over there go by the base shoot shoot sarge don't you give up on me soldier do you hear me i'm ordering you who is that who's there looks like your guys are trying to save you you gotta breathe man you gotta fall through come on sarge i feel not the way you were trained to do that private he can't hear you chris this isn't working we have to try something else if he gives you mouth-to-mouth i'm leaving maybe you should give him mouth to mouth i'm leaving i can't believe how hard they're trying to save me why wouldn't they i mean my team didn't but why wouldn't yours i thought they didn't like me oh i don't sell yourself short i don't even know yet here i am about to guide you to heaven for only five bucks hold on if you're an angel how come you ain't got no wings because nobody rang a bell seriously do you have the money or don't you oh i feel the worst about griff i always made fun of him i never even told him he was my son no way the orange guy is your son no i just want to screw with him one last time but now i'll never get that chance he's breathing he saved sars i'm what he's what well i'll be a monkeys they saved me what no come back we need to even the sides thanks for your help wingless angel fella well i remember any of this yes but only if you give me two dollars what what happened here sir you got shot in the head so we gave you cpr and saved you sir i always believed in you simmons uh actually it's great you should think sir he did all the work griff yes sir griff why in hell would you give somebody a cpr for a bullet wound in the head that doesn't make a lick of sense you're welcome sir i mean it's all so damn inconsistent what would you do if they stab me in the toe rub my neck with aloe vera dude this is sweet man was so happy that i got the blue flag they gave me my own color armor uh hey donut what um about your armor what about it how do i put this your armor is um it's a little um griff uh you want to help me out here it's pink your armor is freaking pink yeah that's it pink pink whatever's not pink pink yeah definitely pink you guys are color blind why would they give me pink armor hey don't ask don't tell that's not funny it's a little funny look at it it's not pink it's like a lightish red guess what they already have a color for lightest red you know what it's called pink i hate you guys well hello dirtbags and a fine hello to you madam it's light reds don't get your panties on a wad there barbie do you have a package for me yes sir excellent they said this speech unit should work with lopez speech unit here you go affirmative command was fresh out of speech modules when i started building lopez but once i get this baby installed i'll finally have someone intelligent to talk to no offense simmons oh don't worry i know who you meant sir wait a second lopez is a robot of course he is you didn't notice that he never talks i just thought he was a really quiet guy and the fact that he sleeps standing up and drinks more oil didn't get your attention well i i did think the motor oil thing was a bit odd i i thought he was trying to impress me hey sir you really should ground yourself before handling that card how come because static could damage the card come on that's an urban legend they used to sell those stupid bracelets and i suppose pop rocks and soda are gonna make my stomach blow up cow sir i won't say i told you so sir good i hate to make strawberry shortcake here my new favorite private it's not pink it's lightest red man you know this stuff does not come off easy yeah this was a lot easier we were cleaning just my armor yeah i know that that's i think because you know you didn't do anything i'm sorry what it's kind of hard to hear you over the sound of your constant team killing don't make me mad so what happened to me anyway i recall something about a spider on my head right that was a grenade and the last thing i remember is a loud bang and then simmons fanning ha told you so i did not faint turn and done lopez activate speech unit lopez he just said lopez i understood that i can speak spanish lopez speak english or english malfunctioned i think you shorted out his speech unit with that static sir maybe princess peach here picked up the wrong model seriously dude for the last time not pink lopez i order you to speak a language we understand negativo well this is just dandy lopez how do we fix your speech you knit why are you talking so slow he understands us just fine maybe you should try listening slower lopez would you like to shoot griff see as far as i'm concerned i'm square with you i saved you from a life of imprisonment how the hell you square with me because i didn't kill you back at sidewinder you know i don't really see how not killing somebody is the same thing as doing them a favor well if you don't appreciate it i could just kill you right now no you can't i'm already dead [ __ ] i guess the joke's on you stop it stop fighting can't you see that you're tearing us apart what about us what about you we helped you too and what do we get nothing well yeah but yeah but nothing he's got a point i did help them get the flag back yeah but you were paid to do that we rescued you as a favor we could have just let you rock the red army prison it wouldn't have made any difference to us fine i'll stay here as long as it takes to help you guys win this thing as soon as i have i'm out of here what do you need me to do i have no idea if you knew how to fix a tank i would have you do that okay wait do you know how to fix sheila i love you all up what's he saying what are you asking me for well you know it because you're of a latino persuasion simmons isn't a spanish name you dumbass i'm dutch irish but i thought what never mind i'm from iowa nobody cares okay take it easy guys when i was over at the red base i saw that they've already got their jeep fixed so whatever you do don't let them see us before we get sheila back online okay okay even if we get sheila fixed how are we gonna turn her over i mean it's not like as if we could just lift oh she is a very strong lady i'm the one that's the least visible so i'm gonna head up here to higher ground i'll keep an eye on the red base if i see anything i'll let you know right i'll come with you that kind of defeats the purpose caboose okay what if i'm really really quiet do you even understand what the term visibility means seriously you don't know what it means do you i know caboose just stay here man and try not to swallow your tongue or anything like that just watch the red base and tell us if you see any movement so i suppose if you're helping us you're not as mean as i thought i wouldn't say i'm mean i just get hired to do mean things yeah but you like it well i think it's important to enjoy what you do so let's say i paid you to kill caboose you will still do it right even though you're supposed to be helping us is this a hypothetical discussion or should we start talking numbers yeah i don't want to talk about this anymore hey tucker what what the hell is my body still doing up here that's part of being dead church your body doesn't really move around much anymore maybe you haven't fully grasped the concept yet all right well let me rephrase that then why in the hell haven't you buried my body yet buried with what all we have are pistols and rifles what do you want me to do shoot you a grave well then how about shipping me back home you know let the loved ones pay a little respect well church here's your girlfriend text as one of the church's loved ones would you like to pay your respects that was a stirring eulogy present teeth good buddy [Music] i am not happy about this i have an idea i have an idea yeah we heard you the first time caboose we were just ignoring you since you possessed that red guy and took control of him why don't you just possess your own body oh i see so that way i would be living inside of my own dead body yes unable to move just laying there rotting in the sun for all eternity yes okay caboose i'll be sure to get right on that i think you are a mean ghost dude you really stink what your body it stinks tucker the first chance we get you are going to bury my body quit your bitching nothing's going to happen to it it's a freaking indignity my body fought hard for this army and it deserves to be laid to rest get over it you're already dead what's the worst that can happen now hey church look birds why are they flying around in circles oh god okay i'll go again i spy something that begins with dirt damn how did you well because you did rock last time that's all that's out here is rocks and dirt yeah this canyon sucks how long do you figure until tex fixes the tank not much longer she said it's going pretty well the gun's almost working and then she'll get it moving again that's just fantastic why would that upset you because as soon as she gets the tank online she's gonna use it against the reds and they're all gonna die the reds dying is a good thing no tucker it's not a good thing as soon as we beat the reds texas out of here and i still haven't figured out a way to get that ai out of her head a i shut up caboose and if i don't get it out before she leaves if she leaves you won't ever find her again right so what are you gonna do i guess i'm gonna do the only thing that i can do i have to warn the reds before she fixes the tank you're switching sides sorry guys i don't have much choice church uh what what happens when the reds are out here to stop techs and then they come also with guns and they find us i'll try to help you as best i can good luck guys does this mean i should try to kill church now i tell you what kill me i promise not to come back hey look at this no they have a girl they have a girl a what a girl a girl look pink armor oh man how come they get a girl uh you guys realize that i'm a chick right and that i'm standing right here yeah tex but when we say a girl we need a girl girl and what the hell does that mean nothing wait a second it texts her that do you think she heard church's secret plan to warn the reds about her i don't know but i think i know how to find out hey dicks uh did you hear church's secret plan to tell the reds that you were fixing the tank i don't think she knows hey yeah you ever wonder why we're here no i never ever wonder why we're here december 5 [ __ ] what's wrong with lopez i don't care hey lopez uh are you okay man espanol you're not where they are um [Laughter] oh crap caboose she's almost done fixing sheila i better radio church and tell him what's going on oh oh oh you can be the one who radios church thanks man calling church come in church this is your close personal friend private o'malley o'malley you said your name was caboose i never said that you guys did why didn't you correct us because i didn't want to be difficult come in private church do you copy soldier unit text almost has the armor vehicle situation rectified okay we require verification of your [Applause] foreign he says he wants to talk to you thank you for activating the n808v main battle tank oh [ __ ] we got trouble i think if you're going to live in this country you should speak the language what country we're on an alien planet what are you a communist son of a [ __ ] son of a [ __ ] okay i'm getting really sick of asking people what's going on to that sniper rifle church is getting mad at us oh well that's a nice change of pace dammit i'm coming around in the wart hogs getting ready to take the gutter position when i come by roger that i'll uh i'll stay here yeah stay here and guard this cement rack it's vital to our success all right i'm on board all right here's the plan wow back so soon you guys win the war already yeah uh did you want to finish telling me the plan now sarge if we survived this i'm going to kill both of you slowly hey simmons by the way the ramp is secure target hey what are you guys doing up here that chicken the black armor's back what chick the one that stuck the grenades in my head that's one the same chicken small dudes that i'm stuck in this light red armor donut i understand the need to safeguard your magic but really new it's a whole lot faster just to say pink oh i've been waiting for this hey [ __ ] remember me i saved something man that girl's got a really good arm oh crap hell yeah three points uh where's lopez going to fight the enemy head-on in hand-to-hand combat mono imano what a brave little compadre lopez i never understood a word you said but i do know one thing you hated griff and that's the most important thing there is adios amigo adios shouldn't we help him nah that would just ruin the moment church is that you it's it's gone church the ai it's gone thank you crap church is gonna be pissed and now he's got a body to kick our ass come on caboose let's get back to base i told you my name isn't caboose my name is o'malley hope you enjoyed that episode of red versus blue if you want to see more of our content head on over to roosterteeth.com where you can find more of this show and others we've got live action animation podcasts hmm maybe i should start my own podcast i'm sure some people out there want to learn more about the importance of a well-kept lawn no they don't no one wants that

Channel: Rooster Teeth Animation

Views: 620,695

Rating: 4.9660587 out of 5

Keywords: Rooster Teeth, RT, television, filmmaking, games, video games, comics, austin, texas, production, RWBY, anime, Camp Camp, RVB, red vs blue, Fan Service, cartoon, comedy, genLOCK, animated, animation, 2d, 3d, RWBY Chibi, red vs blue complete, rvb complete, rvb zero, red vs blue zero, singularity, halo, blood gulch, halo maps, movies, web series, machinima

Id: XnsRdaZTMas

Length: 73min 50sec (4430 seconds)

Published: Sat May 29 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/DanJPopp]

Where it all began. Full on nostalgia overload.

[u/aya_chan01]

Finally! Ive really missed these dvd cuts since they were removed from Netflix. Thank you!

[u/Lenny_YouTubeFan]

Hey?

[u/TheGiggs10]

Burnie hates it, I love it

[u/Lonely_Ad_1790]

God, is this what this show sounded like? Fucking hell, how did i tolerate, let alone say this is my favorite show!

thank god for the progression of improvement. also, i fully blame gus for the audio problems.

[u/RT_J-Rob]

I just spent like $150 for all the seasons on Prime. 😆😆😆 Worth it. 14 and 15 are free on Prime, BTW. 16 is like a miniseries in 8 parts.

[u/LunchboxRadio]

I'm gonna be honest, I've always been surprised they haven't had these up and readily available to First members for years. They were always available through Netflix or other platforms (and perhaps that contract was why it wasn't on their site, now that it's expired they can do this, I don't know) but this is such a great surprise! I didn't even hear anyone talk about this happening, it just seemed to show up, which is rad.

I stopped watching after Revelation cause it felt the story was complete enough to me, but I wanna catch up on the Chorus trilogy (I did later watch Seasons 9 + 10, leaving with me with...rather mixed emotions) but doing it through the episode by episode is just so clunky when you wanna get through them in a row, so this really makes me happy and I hope they put up the rest!

[u/NotRonnieRay]

I remember watching the original in highschool, then the school blocked the site then I learned about BessBlocker

[u/Shrekt115]

You ever wonder why we're here?