An SCP Foundation researcher sits at a table
inside of a standard containment cell. These are often dangerous places to be, especially
when the SCP you’re supposed to be studying is one that you can’t see. The researcher is taking notes, unsure of
exactly what’s going to happen next. He can hear the sounds of knives scraping
behind, of flesh sizzling and searing from high heat. He braces himself as a burst of heat hits
the back of his head, as if a fireball has erupted. Just then it happens - an object floats through
the air and settles in front of him on the table. It’s a plate of food, and it looks delicious. It may surprise you to learn that there is
no rule that the SCP Foundation must deal exclusively with violent and vicious creatures. Not every SCP held in containment shares the
same malevolence and contempt for humanity as SCP-682, or the world-ending threat posed
by the likes of SCP-2317. Some - perhaps not many, but some - are benign
and might even seem outwardly friendly, but you’d still be taking a huge risk to assume
that anything contained by the SCP Foundation is completely harmless. Such is the case with SCP-5031. As per the Foundation’s containment procedures,
this quasi-humanoid – meaning it appears to have some vaguely human features - is held
in an airtight cell that is regularly checked by Foundation personnel on a bi-weekly basis. SCP-5031 has no need for regular nutrition
or regular interactions from staff. The trick with SCP-5031, is not being eaten
by it, since though it doesn’t need food, it does still hunt and consume anything it
encounters - human or otherwise. Avoiding being eaten is hard enough with creatures
that can actually be seen, but like so many other creatures the Foundation keeps contained,
SCP-5031 has developed an almost-perfect defense mechanism - which is that when observed, it
will literally cease to exist. Some might choose to refer to this as a ‘quantum
lock’, however it is worth noting that traces left by SCP-5031 still remain observable when
the creature has temporarily disappeared. For example, trails of blood and scratch marks
left behind by SCP-5031 still exist when the SCP itself does not. Naturally, this makes both avoiding the creature
and capturing it using cameras difficult. However, when SCP-5031’s existence ceases
it still casts a shadow. From this, researchers have been able to determine
several of the creature’s physical traits. Based on its silhouette, it has been deduced
that SCP-5031 levitates about half a meter above ground level, it sports an abnormally
small, neckless head atop an elongated torso - approximately 1.9 meters long - with three
sets of spindly lower arms that branch outwards. Using these arms and its loosely hanging body,
SCP-5031 will lower itself to hunt any human or animal that draws near to it and uses the
bladelike tail to cut up food. Perhaps the most interesting facet of SCP-5031
beyond its defensive capabilities and apparent physical attributes, are the series of nine
tests conducted by Senior Researcher Stanley Huxtable. Appalled by the conditions that the creature
was being kept in, Huxtable took over the role of HCL Supervisor for SCP-5031. Having grown increasingly
frustrated and empathetic towards the creature, listening to its screams from inside its iron containment unit, Huxtable
devised a series of tests to introduce SCP-5031 to various different stimuli as a way to better
understand the creature and hopefully keep it contained in a way that didn’t seem to
cause so much suffering. It's worth remembering that the SCP Foundation
makes it its mission to be cold, not cruel, in performing their duties to protect normality
and many of the researchers and staff are just as capable of having empathy for creatures
as you might for a stray animal at a shelter. The first of Huxtable’s tests involved installing
speakers in SCP-5031’s cell, through which a variety of different ambient and popular
pieces of music were played to see if they had any effect on reducing the creature’s
stress. By judging SCP-5031’s stress levels based
on how much it screamed when compared to normal, Huxtable was able to determine how to best
to use music to calm the creature. SCP-5031 seemed to convey higher levels of
stress when listening to ‘Morning Forest’, ‘Deep Grotto’ and ‘Seaside Paradise’
ambience, as well as the best of late 60s British rock band Jethro Tull. However, the best of Mozart, Enya, KISS and
Ben Folds produced dramatically different results, decreasing SCP-5031’s apparent
stress. Following this test, Senior Researcher Huxtable
compiled a playlist featuring SCP-5031’s favorite music. Over time, the stress-reducing effects of
music on SCP-5031 seemed to decrease, but keeping the playlist on shuffle seemed to
keep the creature consistently calmer than it had been previously. The next test involved introducing inanimate
objects into SCP-5031’s enclosure to monitor its reactions and how its stress levels were
affected. When a softball was thrown into the enclosure,
SCP-5031 immediately sliced the ball in two with its tail in one swift motion. A similar result occurred when researchers
threw the creature a basketball, which was quickly punctured and sliced open by SCP-5031’s
tail. Its stress levels first seemed to diminish
when the creature was offered a bowling ball, which it rolled around the enclosure and then
later knocked against a second bowling ball. However, when one of the balls chipped, rendering
it unable to roll properly, SCP-5031’s stress increased dramatically, until a replacement
was offered. Researcher Huxtable noted that SCP-5031 seemed
to possess a similar level of motor skills to an average human toddler, with similarly
explosive emotional reactions to match. Next, when given the choice between two food
sources at opposite ends of its enclosure, SCP-5031 seemed to gravitate
towards higher-quality food, most notably favoring cooked rotisserie chickens over animal carcasses. It even chose this option over a live chicken, using its tail to cut its
food into more manageable bite-sized portions, rather than ripping its
meat with its hands or teeth like many of its fellow SCPs. Researcher Huxtable recorded these findings
and highlighted that, even though SCP-5031 didn’t need to eat in order to survive,
providing the creature with food of a better quality marginally reduced its stress. Senior Researcher Huxtable next attempted
to test SCP-5031’s coexistence with other living subjects, each time making sure that
the creature had been adequately fed to avoid any unseemly incidents. First, a live chicken was introduced. SCP-5031 rolled its bowling ball at high speed
towards the chicken, increasing both its and the chicken’s stress levels, and inadvertently
killing the chicken in the process. When a second chicken was introduced, SCP-5031
gently rolled a basketball towards it but ceased any further engagement after the chicken
squawked from being hit by the ball. Next to be introduced into the enclosure was
a blindfolded D Class staff member, who was instructed to sit down and roll the basketball
towards SCP-5031. After doing so for several minutes, the creature
began to approach the D class subject, who was instructed to remove their blindfold to
cease the creature’s existence and prevent any potentially deadly incidents. Finally, Researcher Huxtable had another Class-D
engage in a game of catch with SCP-5031 while facing away from the creature. This test proceeded successfully, and Senior
Researcher Huxtable remarked how SCP-5031’s motor skills were improving. Albeit gradually, and with
some gentle encouragement, through Huxtable’s tests the creature was learning. The next test, focused on teaching SCP-5031
linguistic symbols, utilized LCD displays and buttons connected to a food dispenser. One display showed an image of a rock, and
the other an image of a rotisserie chicken. After some brief probing, SCP-5031 was quickly
able to understand that pressing the button under the correct display would dispense a
rotisserie chicken for it to eat. The creature was later able to adapt when,
the following day, the screen displays and materials dispensed were swapped, and then
later set to swap at random intervals. When additional rock-dispensing stations were
introduced, this time displaying the word ‘rock’ as opposed to an image, SCP-5031
was able to determine which station dispensed ‘chicken’ through a process of elimination. Whenever the functions and displays were swapped,
SCP-5031 would find whichever displayed the word ‘chicken’ to receive its food. The final phase of this test presented SCP-5031
with a single station, displaying the word ‘chicken’, but with a button that would
remain inactive unless the creature spelled out the same word with a collection of lettered
blocks it was provided with. After some initial confusion and frustration
as to why the button would not dispense food when pressed, SCP-5031 was able to assemble
the word correctly, not only activating the button and dispensing food, but proving to
Researcher Huxtable that the creature was capable of learning language. Huxtable continued to test
the creature, encouraging it to spell words using lettered blocks as a method of communicating. By increasing SCP-5031’s vocabulary and
the amount of human interaction it received, Senior Researcher Huxtable observed that SCP-5031 was gradually learning to
sing - albeit nonverbally - as well as to juggle with its six hands and was even communicating
its own food preferences and dish pairings. Later, another Class-D, D-52125, was introduced
to SCP-5031’s enclosure to aid in further testing. Through D-52125’s instructions, the creature
quickly learned to draw using crayons, and created artworks depicting itself, its newfound
friend D-52125, Researcher Huxtable, a cat and a rotisserie chicken. SCP-5031’s new creative side didn’t stop
there though, as the creature quickly learned to play Chopsticks in only two days once a
piano was introduced into the enclosure. SCP-5031 even managed to start creating its
own original, admittedly crude, compositions. Next, a spice rack was
placed inside the creature’s cell and D-52125 demonstrated how to season meat. This proved to be SCP-5031’s new favorite hobby, as it spent the next
three days experimenting with different combinations of foods and spices,
using its letter blocks to request ‘more, more, more’ garlic powder. Interestingly, the creature only created artwork
or music when D-52125 was present, but seemed to thoroughly enjoy its experimentation with
food when left alone. Following this development, Senior Researcher
Huxtable devised a new test for SCP-5031. Providing the creature with cooking utensils
and using D-52125 to demonstrate, 5031 was shown how to prepare a variety of different
dishes, from hamburgers and tacos, to Mongolian Beef, steak, clam chowder and profiteroles. In addition to a small peanut allergy, this
eighth test revealed SCP-5031 to be a phenomenal chef, possessing culinary skills far beyond
the average person. The creature quickly and enthusiastically
embraced its newfound talents, concocting its very own brand-new recipes, with D-52125
even volunteering to be the first to taste test 5031’s dishes. It was shortly after this test that SCP-5031
spoke its very first word, and it should come as no surprise that the word was ‘salt’. Naturally, Senior Researcher Huxtable was
very proud of the progress the creature had made with its development. The final test almost seemed to be what the
creature was born for. Over the course of two months, SCP-5031 was
tasked with creating a full three-course meal which would then be served to Foundation staff
for Thanksgiving. SCP-5031 not only rose to the task, but exceeded
all of Researcher Huxtable’s expectations, creating a meal that even Gordon Ramsey would
be hard pressed to find fault with. The creature created a first course consisting
of sweet potato miso soup seasoned with turmeric. Next came a beautiful duck confit, glazed
luxuriously with apple cider and topped generously with sweet cranberry compote, paired with
a side of butternut squash gnocchi and served on a bed of kale seasoned with truffle salt. The grand finale of the exquisite meal was
a spiced cassava pie for dessert, complemented with the finest French vanilla ice cream and
a maple-hazelnut syrup. And SCP-5031 didn’t stop there, the creature also debuted one of its
original musical compositions to compliment the decadent meal it had created. As the staff enjoyed the food, SCP-5031 performed
live from its enclosure the deeply moving Piano Concerto for Six Hands, to an overwhelmingly
positive response from not only Senior Researcher Huxtable, but the entire Foundation staff. As a fitting end to the creature’s tale,
Huxtable reported that, during the Thanksgiving banquet it had created, SCP-5031’s stress
levels reduced entirely. New kinder containment measures that would
keep 5031 safer but also far more contented were submitted for approval. Perhaps some of you may find it refreshing
to learn that SCP-5031 isn’t simply just another malicious, malevolent monster that
the Foundation has to keep under lock and key for the safety of the world. Instead, SCP-5031 is a gentle – if a little
frightening at first creature - that just requires careful and considered guidance instead
of a cold iron cage and around-the-clock armed guards. Through testing, Senior Researcher Stanley
Huxtable and his fellow Foundation staff were not only able to help the creature develop,
but also found what makes it tick; and not just for the purposes of containing it. Instead, it is hoped that SCP-5031’s creativity
and flair for culinary and musical masterpieces can continue to thrive and grow, under the
proud watch of Researcher Huxtable. Now for something from the more terrifying
archives of the SCP Foundation Check out “SCP – 096 - The Shy Guy” or “SCP-106 - The
Old Man”
