Sam & Max - Season 3 - Episode 3 - They Stole Max's Brain! [Full Episode](Re-Upload)

um [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] thanks to our magnificent brains most of us live out our lives under the delusion that we are in control but are our brains truly in control makes you think doesn't it engrossed in the thrilling cinematic exploits of their ancestors the freelance police have had no time to ponder these eternally vexing questions but in mere moments they and you will be plunged headfirst into these murky philosophical depths when sam returns from his ill-timed bathroom break to discover they stole max's brain [Music] max little buddy no no no no no no [Music] what happened hey what happened to max talk we don't know one second we were guarding the devil's toy box then bam out went the lights through a fog of rage darkness and raisin apps i tried to remember what flint paper told me about interrogating suspects rule number one don't let the suspect control the conversation get him talking then surprise him interrupt him with a question or call him a liar freak him out and if all else fails bring little mispersuasion out for a stroll actually i think it was more of a boom really really because i distinctly heard it more like a bam what are you talking about the devil's toy box it's a source of horrible terrible power and now it's gone we're doomed doing that what else can you tell me well that's the last thing we remember until you woke us up and started snarling at us um yeah that's the last thing we remember rule number two timing is everything when you hear the suspect lying that's when you jump in and accuse him young guy was totally unconscious the whole time and i certainly didn't see anything interesting no siree bob liar all right all right i came to before jebediah just in time to hear the telltale sounds of a brain being removed from a bunny oh badaya why didn't you do anything i was afraid afraid that he'd remove my brain too who who took max's brain it was the space gorilla skunk ape of course he must have been released from the penal zone when the toy box was stolen i'm so sorry not half as sorry as that brain stealing space ape's gonna be when i catch up with him rule number three mo men are easy to crack the tough nuts you'll need information to prove your case sometimes you gotta ask around to get the dirt on the doers now go get em wrote a mental note to thank flint at max's funeral and got ready to squeeze some punks general skunky i should have known that space ape had wanted max's brain ever since he found out it was special now that special brain was gone and i was cut loose drifting in the neon current hoping for a lucky break ugly [Music] you you're one of skunk apes goons where's your boss what did he do to my little buddy i don't know i haven't seen general scott copy since you are justly imprisoned him in the penal zone i'll never forget his final terrified howl as it echoed across the dimensional boundaries what are you talking about don't you remember when you and your partner defeated my leader the magnificent general skunkape by trapping him in the penal zone oh yeah that so as i was saying since skunk imprisonment i've been reevaluating my life choices i've abandoned violence for a career as a science spinner it's a very fulfilling low-temperature job more suited to spacing re-evaluating your life choices what does that even mean copy's defeat made me take a really hard look at myself honestly is there anything more pathetic than a middle-aged space gorilla waving his blaster around the galaxy like some kind of teenager how about a dead partner the only way to break the cycle was to just walk away now i have a wonderful job as a sign spinner and a girlfriend in the village i don't even have to shoot anyone how nice for you enough about me you should talk to the rat yes the rat he certainly seems plugged into the ins and outs of this gloriously filthy metropolis rat what rat frankie the rat he trafficks in stolen merchandise and tawdry gambling rings where can i find him he hangs out on the corner of vinnie and vidi in the latin quarter [Music] frankie the red the name left a bad taste on my tongue and an itchy sensation in red boxers still there wasn't a lot more plugged into the bad wiring in the city [Music] [Music] hey rat sam buddy how is it hanging my partner's got a bad case of a missing brain and someone thinks you might know something about it uh brain huh well i did see something unusual and brain related a little while back spill i was given directions to a confused tourist poor fella was wandering around in cycles scaring all the kitties with his boom lots and tortoise knocks and whatnot where hey take it easy big fella i sent him right over that away about two miles [Music] frankie the rat helping a tourist it was absurd absurd like max was back when he had a brain so imagine my surprise when i found frankie's taurus wandering around the backside of town [Music] oh [Music] you foreign guy what's your story oh an american police shakedown how thrilling yeah it's a real honor now what do you know well about an hour ago i was getting directions to the museum district from one of your colorful local rats and frankie sent you here yeah that dirty lion rat did you know back in europe i had so many warnings about your countrysides but this frankie was so gracious and helpful museum district see yeah as a child in europe i always dreamt of visiting your city's famous museum district with its institute of incomplete technologies and hall of filthy arts it's a little more underwhelming than it appeared in my school books any flugan i was about to give him a tip for the help when all of the sudden the beltram lieberbach albert creek erupted in the middle of one of your asphalt fjords at least i think it was a belgium riverboat silver creek it might have been more of an ultra super colored what now welcome libertarian creek my people's word for its stunning battle between a strangely gapped man and an alien space gorilla carrying your brain in a jar [Music] so where was i oh yes after the fight moved on i discovered that someone had picked my pockets leaving me empty-handed and evil skippered in a strange land i left the scene of the crime carrying nothing but the claws on my back you know what else i'm starting to think that this isn't actually the museum district what it was kibbled it's a common european word that describes the feeling of my disorientation combined with nagging doubts about your head honestly what do they teach you americans in your schools video poker so what else would you like to know [Music] people in this country are so intense [Music] the tourists seem like just another victim circle in the drain but i knew there was more to the story it was time to circle back and flush out the truth [Music] frankie what do you know i was given directions to a confused tourist to the museum district yeah poor fella was wandering around in cycles scaring all the kitties with his um lots and torties knocks don't lie to me frankie i talk to your tourists and it looks to me like you sent him over to the wrong side of town to get rolled by your rat pack maybe i did maybe i didn't but this conversation is over i ain't saying nothing till i get some legal representation annoy for some people trampling a rat's god-given merengue rights there ought to be a law or something you want a lawyer here's an attorney from smith and wesson okay okay i'll talk i'll talk sheesh like you guessed i gave the tourists directions to the bad side of town but i was just winding them up really they asked me the schmuck designed it acting all high and mighty in europe what happened next when the big fight broke out me the tourist and the other gorilla ducked down behind the crate and i uh picked their pockets the tourist was loaded with i exchanged a gorilla what other gorilla believe it or not it was another space save he was spinning a sign for some pet store to push schlub so that dirty punk sign spinner did see skunk ape anyway after the fight moved on the tourists got a nice souvenir for his trouble and i skedaddled back here and that's all i know honest souvenir yeah something fell out of the funny hat guy's pocket and the tourist scooped it up what was it i don't know something so the tourists didn't leave empty-handed after all so what now [Music] stick around i may be back i shall count the minutes [Music] oh a repeat performance let's run through it one more time and speak slowly i'm an american as i said before about an hour ago i was getting directions to the museum district from one of your colorful local rats you know back in europe i had so many denmark i was about to give him a tip for the help well all of a sudden the bedroom lieberbach tauber creek erupted in the middle of one of your asphalt fjords at least i think it was better than reaper hurried up after the fight moved on i discovered that someone had picked my pockets leaving me empty-handed and evil skippered in a strange land i left the scene of the crime carrying nothing but the claws on my back you know what else i'm stuck don't play innocent with me metric lover the rat saw you pick up something after the fight now spill yeah yeah it's true i took a souvenir from the fight i didn't think anyone would notice here norrington who the heck is norrington i don't know i don't know just don't hurt me [Music] you americans are all animals animals finally a clue norrington the name rang fewer bells than a sleigh in july fortunately it didn't need to crime tron do your stuff [Music] what do you mean not found in database the crime tron requires additional clues to make an informed deduction clues i haven't got time for clues max's body is starting to smell differently then maybe you should stop yelling at my girlfriend and start with the clue hyphen finding [Music] the gorilla was lying to me about seeing skunky i wondered what else he was lying about [Music] [Applause] i'm back now where's skunk ape i don't know i haven't seen general skunk copy since you are justly imprisoned i'm in the penal i'll never zone his final terrified house that story ain't gonna wash bonzo your pal frankie told me all about how you and he hid from a fight between skunk ape and some other guy now make with a lip flap and i better like what i hear [Music] it's true a few of your earth minutes ago i was spinning my sign for frankie the rat and a tourist when general skankape came running down the street chasing after a strangely garbed man to my everlasting shame i cowered behind a crate like a common venusian bonobo as the general and his prey skirmished strangely garbed yes a man in a faded jacket and a strange hat he seemed to be carrying a box of some sort generous gun copy was in hot pursuit after the general and the stranger fled the scene i discovered that he had dropped this i'm surprised he didn't come back for it but he appeared to be in something of a hurry watch that a brain remover i believe it's one of the toys of power that my general has been collecting for the past 25 crylax [Music] i knew that give me that toy no i need it to get back in general copy's good graces once i return this artifact to the general he'll forgive my temporary abandonment of his goals and welcome me back to his crew with open arms oh how i've come to miss standing at my general side these past few hours i wonder if he'll promote me huh you're fooling yourself kid what are you talking about the only thing skunk ape's gonna welcome you with is a fistful of phasers you can't go home again you can't even get on the porch you've tasted the apple peed in the pool bitten the hand that rocks the cradle you're a sign spinner to him now and that's all you're ever gonna be you're right it's hopeless no matter what i do now i'll never soar through the galaxy at my general side ever again and i hate to tell you but you're not a very good sign spinner either i hated to see a grown gorilla cry so i got in the car and looked for another lost soul to join me as i gazed into that gas [Music] the last time we saw the rhinoplasty toy max's special brain used it to turn into a bazooka now it was going to lead me to the guy who stole that special brain it wasn't exactly ironic but i didn't care [Music] okay corintron this is your last chance before i start looking for an upgrade [Music] come on you obsolete hunk of junk talk we're skunk ape sam no stop holding out on me [Music] finally audiences across the country say what have you become [Music] the museum of mostly natural history the tarnished jewel of the city's once thriving museum district max and i always meant to visit but we've never gotten around to it now we were finally going to take in its thrilling and dubiously educational displays with a vengeance all right skunky it's time to pay the piper plus tax and applicable service fees hang tight little buddy hang tight little buddy it's a tell-tale trail of grandpa stinky's brain preserving demon broth could max's brain still be alive i'll take a look around after i track down max's brain [Music] barbarians get me out of here this whole place smells like gorilla and patchouli sam the great grandson of the throne of putting bosch my intricate plan to unleash yogg saga and take over the world i hate that guy i hate that guy yes yes a common enemy i propose an alliance you'll get the galaxy i get the earth agreed nice going bubble brain don't blame me i'm still trying to find the volume controls on this thing minions after him sam ah man now i'm stuck in here with the alliance of sealess super villains it was way more fun when they were fighting [Music] hey bad guys how about a little light show it's getting boring in here i'm afraid that tonight's performance of mundane objects in space a cosmic odyssey has been cancelled so that the yenneller and i might use the projector to summon the scattered psychic toys from the four corners of the globe ah i guess no one's gonna be able to enjoy the classic combination of dubious astronomy and classic 70s rock until i break up these bffs look at all those cool psychic toys am i doing that indeed yes your psychic brain melded to monsieur paperweight sorcery and my super science have created a techno arcanic whirlpool drawing the toys to this convenient container so that explains the giant sucking sound in my head no that's just you come to max you dangerous little psychic toys what's that for that controls our new laser light show it will bring many many young peoples to the museum if you can lure them away from their zoa tropes come to it's not an espresso machine because i've always wanted to pour caffeine directly into my brain this device is used to maintain the complex matrix of energies between the devil's toy box your magnificent brain and paperweights chaos magic and funnel them into the planetarium's crude projector fascinating now tell me more about my magnificent brain for convenience i lump super villain devices into two categories ones that i've broken and ones that i haven't broken yet hey skunky yes so long time no see long time yes yes if only you knew how long it has been but a handful of earth hours since you and your companion imprisoned me in the penal zone however due to the temporal phase shifting of the zone i experienced years of maddening nothingness during those fleeting hours ah that would explain the tiny crow's feet around the eyes not to mention that telltale old gorilla smell what are you doing here anyway the same thing i was doing all those years ago boring me to tears gathering the toys of power so that i might conquer the galaxy what are you two scamps doing with the devil's toy box we're tapping the nigh infinite power of your brain to create a bifurcated vortex of technological and arcane energies to impel the toys of power to return to their point of origin via a five-dimensional matrix of quantum foam and sympathetic magics yes of course you have no idea what i just said do you no but if it means more psychic toys for me then vortex away now that you and fez head have stopped fighting could you tell me how my brain ended up outside my sexy little body i took it from you after i was suddenly ejected from the penal zone how come i didn't notice you appeared to be entranced by a primitive form of earth entertainment around here we call it a popcorn coma big guy what are you planning to do with my brain once this whole toys for jerks drive is over the same thing i plan to do before you yanked me into your asats penal zone plug your brain into my ship central computer and use your terrifying psychic powers to conquer the galaxy couldn't we just use them to cruise for chicks the ladies love a good spoon bending that's curious my scans indicate you don't even like girls could you try not to kill sam he's my designated driver whenever i'm in the sauce like this oh my minions won't kill him that's good they're under strict orders to drag him beaten and bloodied to my feet so that he might witness my ascension to ruler of the galaxy just so long as he can still drive why are you working with that creepy paperweight guy monsieur paperweight and i have reached an accommodation is that legally permitted in this state i'm lending my scientific powers to his mystical efforts to draw the toys of power into the so-called devil's toy box that spell thing paperweight's working on it wouldn't have something to do with summoning an elder god by the name of yag sagad would it now that you mention it yog sagot's name did come up once or twice he's certainly touchy about that precious tapestry of his yes i see you've got your old band of lockies back together yes yes my mighty army is once again ready to take on the galaxy at least they would be if paperweights filthy security guard wasn't underfoot that disease-carrying insect had better keep his pestilethorax away from my boys uh could you go over there for a while the way you're salivating over my anterior cortex is creeping me out frankly very well hey you this guy what is it how come you haven't aged a day since my great grandpa kicked your demon summoning butt back in the olden times the horrible secret of my apparent immortality is too terrible to comprehend and would surely drive an uninitiated mind such as yours to the brink of madness where to utter it so pilates then what are you doing in this two-bit museum anyway since my defeat at the hands of your meddling ancestors i've insinuated myself into the archaeological community painstakingly gathering the requisite toys of power necessary to reopen a doorway between our world and the realm of sagoth nerd what are you in corporal butt cheeks here doing with the devil's toy box anyway we're unwinding and rewiring the synopsis of your brain to cast a blasphemous net of tech necromancy across the reality so that the toys of power may be properly encased within the devil's toy box ah that's about what i thought really repeat what i just said blah blah blah i've got a wonderful brain blarkey blargy more toys for me you're a magical mumbo jumbo guy so maybe you can tell me what's the deal with me having psychic powers all of a sudden am i going through the change it's difficult to say the only mines on this plane capable of wielding the toys of power are the insane the simple or the defective ah you've been reading my press kit but encountering two special brains in the same bloodline is practically unheard of your lineage is most peculiar and dangerous you should see us during holiday cookouts could you try and stop your new buddy from zapping sam with a banana-shaped ray gun or whatever why should i give a hell beast's hangnail about the fate of summit's brood well i uh hmm let me get back to you on that why are you in that big dumb ape skunk ape working together general schoon cape and i have had a meeting of minds over our mutual loathing of you your partner and your forefathers so that added up to what one mind between you i just hope his brain dead minions can dispose of your partner without injuring any of my employees pretty grabby joint you got here it's one of the finest collections in the world our young tapestry is one of a kind gee it'd be a shame if skunk apes minions ripped your tapestry to shreds and used it for space towelettes you know accidentally ah don't even think of such a things all this talking with my brain is making me tired let's talk later these two goofs are about as entertaining as public radio oh i sure hope sam survived the attack of the minions i've got a lot of complaining to do well at least i know that max's brain is still alive and kicking i'll never get back in there while skunk ape and paperweight are working together maybe i can break up those lovebirds from out here this gun was made for shooting that's just what it'll do one of these days this gun is going to shoot all over you bang bang bang bang bang bang somehow i doubt they're going to lure in the jaded thugs of today with laser light shows not enough despinings to hold a young person's attention that's interesting holy oak massachusetts if i remember my field guide for other worldly incursions correctly that tentacles of flagellum from the dark dimension i better not get too close to that thing i could end up in some other dimension where the laws of physics are inside out or radio stations are dominated by folk music or some other nightmarish claw your eyes out scenario [Music] hey you who me don't get killed with me wise guy what are you doing in the museum after dark i'm sam i'm with the freelance police freelance police i heard a lot about you guys a lot i'm sal museum security guard you must be looking into all the freaky shenanigans going on around here tonight huh yeah well feel free to poke around right now you got to do something about this pile of trash that's not trash that's my partner partner trash potato potato if it's not up and moving the next few minutes i'm tossing that smelly lump of guts into the incinerator incinerator sal keep it down will ya this is a museum not a locker room so why is that name so familiar wait a minute stinkies used to have a fry cook named sal yep that'd be me a six foot tall cockroach working at stinkies that's shocking no wait what's that thing that's the complete opposite of shocking so why did grandpa stinky fire you i mean aside from the whole disease-carrying vermin thing he didn't approve of a cockroach in the kitchen that's strange grandpa stinky never had problems with cockroaches before nice headphones listening to the game or maybe some black flying now these are my official museum guard emergency headphones i gotta wear these so that mr paperweight can tell me where to go in case of a security emergency of course i haven't heard from him in a while he must be busy up there with that space guerrilla guy don't look now but there's a scandalously clad intergalactic despot running rough shot through your museum you mean general schoon cafe he's an a1 butt wad all right but what are you gonna do mr paperweights rolled out the red carpet for him and his minions don't you think you should alert the authorities what lose my job the life with skunk ape skunk that's a good one i'll remember that not so bad aside from the big gorilla over there guarding the door most of these apes just hang out in the planetarium which was all the h running around it's me mr paperweight told me to steer clear of it that's what i'm gonna do would you mind not throwing my little buddy into the museum's incinerator what can do sam if mr p finds another corpse strewn about all willy nilly on the exhibit floor he's going to kick my thorax right to the unemployment office you say your friend's still alive you better get him moving would you mind not throwing my little buddy into the museum's incinerator what can do sam if mr p finds another corp strude about all willy-nilly on the exhibit floor he's gonna kick my thorax right to the unemployment office you say your friend's still alive you better get him moving but he hasn't got a brain well maybe you should find him a new one sheesh some detective you are any idea what that paperweight loser is doing in the planetarium hey don't be calling mr paperweight a loser he's a stand-up guy who took me in and gave me a job he's not here you know nah i got no idea what that loses up to heck i can't even understand half the things he tells me over the headphones your boss is gathering demonic toys for a nefarious purpose it's always a what do you want me to do about it call the army the navy the swiss guard you want me to turn to my boss dream on buddy this is a pretty cushy job here and i ain't messing it up over a bunch of demonic toys see yourself careful out there sam this place is cuckoo tonight the commissioner frowns on wasting bullets on people that don't technically need to be shot that fella reminds me of my great grand uncle eustacious canis erectus this freakish tooth dating from the late familian era is thought to represent an evolutionary dead end of heavyset man-dog hybrids this night was bad enough but now my distant ancestors are getting insulted by pasty-faced anthropologists the end of the world is predicted by top apocalypseologists some say the world will end in fire some in ice but it takes a truly advanced mind to envision an apocalypse that revolves around a many eyed many horned walking purple people eater they better find a way to get max's body moving before sal chucks it into an incinerator it's a telltale trail of grandpa stinky's brain preserving demon broth hoyosaurus henway [Music] earthdog man where do you think you're going i'm um just looking for the snack foods exhibit no one leaves here why we're supposed to be on the lookout for uh sam that's it sam are you sam no my name is uh tyrone sam's that guy it is we i've arrived at the world famous museum of mostly natural history and look a cute little animatronic mother majila the skunk i've successfully neutralized the one known as sam describing paint hairless difficult to place accents that's not sam you fool now don't bother me again until you find sam apparently that uh wasn't said oh well uh happy honey thank you tyrone hey guard guy don't bother me tyrone i've got to keep a lookout for sam right i'll just let you get back to that your primitive projectile weapons are useless against my dense alien hide earth spawn none shall pass gotta love the classics it's too bad max's mighty psychic brain isn't here there's all sorts of new phone numbers on this courtesy phone museum of mostly natural history guided tour ah an audio guide that attempts to make sense of the nonsensical museum displays i should take one of these for our office [Music] welcome to the museum of mostly natural history my name is anton peperweight and i'll be your narrator on this self-guided tour today let us begin please make your way to the melozoic era exhibit in the center of the main floor although it lasted for only seven weeks during the late summer of 56 million bc the melozoic era produced an incredible explosion of evolutionary diversity most of which was quickly erased by less ridiculous creatures gently yank the bone to hear the roar of the boyosaurus henway i better reunite max's body with his brain or a possible facsimile before sal tosses it into an incinerator tapestry of yogg-sagoth over-fiend of the dank dimensions on loan from the east village chapter of the knights of yongsagoth he doesn't look so tough behold the dread wonder of york sagath overthemed yeah i'm glad my great-grandpa stopped that trans-dimensional beauty from manifesting in the east side hey it's a moai head how's it hanging big guy fine be that way how'd you get here from easter island buddy he's probably sleeping off a basalt binge inexplicable object of unknown provenance [Music] to witness the final stage of the coming apocalypse turn the hourglass okay whoa i did not see that coming although the hindenburg met its fiery demise in 1937 its sister ship the arrow schwein is still in operation today and was a stunt double in the 1968 musical let's all go for a ride in my beautiful balloon so that's where that song came from coming soon a brief history of bad ideas and transportation i hope max's brain and body are reunited by the time this exhibit opens he loves tooling around in comically unviable vehicles good thing max isn't here edutainment sends him into an atomistic range i could learn a lot from this if i wasn't so offended by the choice of pods [Applause] ah the spunks i can almost smell it seriously it smells like asp in [Applause] dangerous here of my favorite things max would love to get his hands on this doohickey too bad he doesn't have any hands right now ancient egyptian brain screw the ingredients on this particular brainstorm indicate that it was reserved for barrels viziers or other high-ranking muffity marks buckety mux the museum's copywriter must have thought no one would read that far hey it's me give or take four thousand years and a decent tailor if you're going to putrefy and decompose might as well do it in stomach [Music] [Music] i had no idea ancient egypt was so mad cam the seven-sided pyramid of hickaba was the crowning glory of kestumpum the tiny until it collapsed under its staggering weight and unorthodox design [Applause] please proceed to the treasures of the forgotten pharaoh exhibit the museum is proud to have recently obtained the preserved remains of the mysterious forgotten pharaoh of ancient egypt now walk the eyes to see an ancient brutal civilizations bring to life normally the code of the freelance policeman frowns on stealing ancient brains but desperate times call for icky measures it's warm and pulsing and wriggly i don't know whether to be repulsed or use it as a neck massager [Applause] most of the brains i carry around in my jacket are a lot less warm and pulsing let this thing fire right up if i stuck it in a body [Music] i'm not giving this away to just anybody hey cell look three monkeys violating that statue of the head where i didn't see nothing which is a good thing since we put all the monkeys down in storage with a leather jacket maybe this carefully preserved gray matter will get max's body moving or at least twitching and drooling unnervingly hello anybody in there [Music] oh torments of osiris will be laid upon your feet heretics the wrath of anubis no but i get that a lot i'm sam oh my a new body and it's so energetic that's probably one of max's sugar rushes you'll just want to ride them out until you get used to them well i suppose you want some sort of tedious boon in return for rescuing our spirit from the shadowy realms yes well if it's not too much trouble your majesty i could use some help retrieving max's brain from a couple of world conquering nimrods i believe we can aid you in your quest but where will my brain go after we've restored this max hmm well if everything goes as planned i suppose you can take your pick between an ethnic sorcerer and a super powered space gorilla a gorilla that does sound promising very well we shall grant your boom it shouldn't be too much trouble with all these toys of the gods secreted in this fuzzy little body toys of the gods do you have the gift is that what they're calling it these days my people always called it the curse of horus ungrateful wretches if you've got creepy brain powers this rescue is going to be a walk in the park ready to roll lead on barbarian your highness yes how'd a kid like you get to become pharaoh did your daddy pharaoh die when you were young oh no our dad was a sandal maker we became pharaoh after we stumbled upon the toys of the gods while stealing coins from a tomb the toys awakened latent abilities within us granting us the power to cast the royal family into the nile and reshape the entire kingdom in our now divine image now there's a heartwarming rags to riches story if the toys made you so powerful how'd you end up as a pickled brain in a jar during our reign there were always a few troublemakers who impervious to our divine powers rebelled against our benevolent but firm dictates we suspect one of them finally snuck past our defenses hold any grudges sam that's all in the past even if we did hold an eternal grudge against the mystery assassins who deposed us all those centuries ago it's not as if we can do anything about it now right oh right so your highness you impressed by the 21st century yet oh most definitely though we do feel a bit out of our element don't worry once we teach you a few crude gestures and get rid of the whole talking in the plural thing you'll fit right in after all this is over we'll all head to broadway and take in a show oh bread and circuses are the gladiator fights actually it's mostly a bunch of people dressed up as cats singing about wanting to break loose and then a chandelier falls on them how'd your brain stay alive all these years anyway before our death we left strict instructions with our visits to pickle our brain in a special solution of crocodile tears and ground ibis beaks and that kept your brain alive don't be ridiculous it was our special gift that kept our brain alive duh i've got to find a way past cosmic gorilla guy and dr strange accent early in our reign we found out that a miner vizier and a captain of the god were conspiring against us we could have wiped them out with a thought but it amused us to turn them against each other instead let's roll aha we shall roll like a wheel yes you sure know your obscure cultural references your majesty roll roll onward the commissioner frowns on wasting bullets on people that don't technically need to be shot welcome to the museum of mostly natural history mr paperweight gee thanks that's the nicest thing you've said since you hired me so uh what can i do for you boss let us begin please make your way to the melozoic era exhibit in the center of the main floor the dinosaur exhibit you got it although it lasted for only seven weeks during the late summer of 56 million bc an incredible explosion of evolutionary diversity most of which was quickly erased by less ridiculous creatures i did not know that thanks boss anything else boss gently yank the bone to hear the roar of the poliosaurus henway yank the bone you got it well looks like everything's working a-okay boss anything else boss please make your way to the animatron of the terrible beast assaulting the city the beast attacking the city right away boss humanity has long pondered about the eventual fate of the earth today thanks to sophisticated supercomputers scientists have determined that the world will end in the year 2015. as giant monsters environmental disasters and political apathy combined to turn our world into an unlivable hellhole shortly before the sun unexpectedly goes nobody yeah yeah boss very informative anything else boss turn the hourglass to witness the earth's final moments as predicted by accredited apocalypticians turn over the hourglass check [Applause] anything else boss please proceed to the treasures of the forgotten pharaoh exhibit the egypt exhibit right away boss i guess cell's out of range i'll head back to base now mr p and finally the pride of the museum please proceed to the knights of yorkshire goth display nights of yogg's goth exhibit run away sir the order of yogg sagoth were an ancient society of mystic knights dedicated to serving an over fiend of the dark dimensions this priceless tapestry woven from the meticulously groomed back hair of the knights is all that remains of their order that's really illuminating boss anything else boss to see the terrifying power of the york sogoth tapestry pull the sword from the eyeball all the sword will do boss looks okay to me anything else boss boss well if you don't have anything else for me i'll just head back to the base that fella reminds me of my great grand uncle eustacious canis erectus this freakish tooth dating from the late famerian era is thought to represent an evolutionary dead end of heavyset man-dog hybrids oh anubis will not be happy with this insult to his girl it's a telltale trail of grandpa stinky's brain preserving demon broth what a delightful aroma this grandpa stinky must be a skilled sorcier hoyosaurus henway the curious communication devices in this museum look fascinating hey guard guy don't bother me tyrone i've got to keep a lookout for sam ooh he's a smart one isn't he who is this annoying creep are you sam we are the pharaoh you odiferous primates and you would do well to kneel in our presence how about i make you dance instead i'm rather enjoying this oh this is too easy the beast couldn't hit the side of a gravery with a throw stick can't you see we're busy that's enough play time for now oyosaurus henron hmm hey your majesty check out these spiffy phone numbers phone numbers uh hieroglyphics to activate the translocation toy we always wondered how that device worked it probably would have helped if the ancient astronauts who taught you how to build pyramids had left behind a few telephones say one of those phone numbers is brand new tapestry of yogg-sagoth over fiend of the dank dimensions on loan from the east village chapter of the knights of yongsagon he doesn't look so tough in fact he looks kind of flammable we had yogg's goth worshippers in our time they kept trying to steal our toys behold the dread wonder of young sag off over fiend of the dark creepy it's a good thing our forefathers kept this guy from schlepping into our dimension or we'd probably be seeing that on our currency by now we like him he reminds us of our father really of course not our father was a sandal merchant that's a picture of some sort of unholy hell beast really sam you're far too gullible he's probably sleeping off a basalt bench neolithic mustache clippers although the hindenburg met its fiery demise in 1937 its sister ship the arrow schwann is still in operation today and was a stunt double in the 1968 musical let's all go for a ride in my beautiful balloon that looks like one of the balloons my magicians would create with inflated sheep's bladders you really know how to kill a conversation your majesty coming soon a brief history of bad ideas and transportation how is it your people make such superb handguns yet you believe such nonsense piss posh the great cow holds up the sky and over her back rain the primeval waters what is this laser show actually i kind of forget but i'm pretty sure it's bitchin fascinating it's too bad they are green i hear those are the friendly ones [Applause] still got that old brain smell you know we do have incredible psychic powers at our disposal the seven-sided pyramid of hippopotamus was the crowning glory of custom hum the tiny until it collapsed under its staggering weight and unorthodox design seven-sided pyramids that my pyramids had so many sides they were practically cones [Music] ah response have you heard its famous riddle it'll knock your sandals off it's all about well there's a cucumber and then oh no wait let me start over don't bother your highness really hey it's me give or take 4 000 years and a decent tailor more like four thousand sit-ups ancient egyptian brain screw in my day we called it the divine brain swirly more like fourth [Music] two of my favorite things why does this simple device fill me with such a feeling of unspeakable dread i think that's just max's body having a tingle of anticipation it does that when it sees exotic weaponry ah if you're going to putrefy and decompose might as well do it in style you're telling me that's the buckingham imperial model with the optional scorpion [Music] how delightful i can almost hear them groaning in pain you're gonna love reality tv [Applause] the arrow of power but where's the disc of madness or the orb of unending bounciness we haven't found him yet but here take a gander at this ah the wondrous essence thief how well i remember disguising myself as a palm front to observe the forbidden rituals at the temple of adolescence you tyrannical scamp future hey max check this out it turns out that lady godiva was a dude well either i managed to return max's brain to his body in the future or you're destined to learn a killer max impression let's move on [Music] my new form reminds me of my summer pyramid on the shores of barrels iraq and it'll come in handy in the unlikely event that we need a seven-sided die to defeat skunky [Music] oh [Applause] future in my experience it's rarely a good idea to poke a space gorilla in the eyes that's what lackeys are for sam hey max check this out it turns icky well either i managed to return max's brain to his body in the future let's move on hey ouch my thorax my beautiful bar axe ouch we'd want to pummel a nice bug guy like sarah rhinoplasty [Music] how drawl a talking skull i'm sure that will be useful [Music] rhinoplasty why will you say that since we're in a museum i assume it'll be some sort of obscure historical reference teleportation so this is paperweight's office what a dump someone's coming why have you left the planetarium that intergalactic bully is driving me bananas and his minions are a threat to my beautiful museum can't you do something get a grip on yourself man can't you see our long struggle to gather the toys it's almost over you think i don't know that i've been dreaming of this second chance for decades then stop whining and get back in there yes sir right away dr norrington norrington his imperious attitude puts me in mind of a loot teacher we fed to my crocodiles for correcting my divine ambition you know max's pattern is a lot less violent multi-syllabic looks like paperweight subscribes to obazoth's nonsensical grimwa club looks like paperweight this office could use a little tidying up and a good firm raising check it out your majesty an insanely detailed top-down drawing of the city what a remarkable illusion of depth oh yeah you didn't have perspective and vanishing points in your time did you of course we did why we had a whole chamber full of perspectives and a headdress adorned with vanishing points and and shut up rhinoplasty future [Music] talk about a chilling vision of the future we are not amused four ancient diabolical summoning spells one pretty good chili recipe it's locked what kind of paranoid freak keeps his door locked from the inside i locked all my slaves inside my birthday pyramid after they finished building it paperweight's not a slave are you sure this office could use a little tidying up and a good firm raising that transportation exhibit is bound to be fascinating we enjoy reveling in the failures of lesser beings paperweights quite the reader a lonely scribe teleportation how amazing we've been transmogrified into a glittering futuristic metropolis why do we feel like we're about to vomit that'd be the east river try to breathe through your mouth hey guard guy don't bother me tyrone i've got to keep a lookout for sam i'm curious does your head hurt when you attempt to form complete sentences the nerve of that gorilla shooting at royalty please make your way to the animatron of the terrible beast assaulting beast attacking the city let's see ah there it is now walk the eyes to see an ancient brutal civilizations bring to life broke its eyes really oh well you're the boss what in the name of gorgar uh what should i do now boss what is going on out here i kind of hated doing that to poor sal yes most unfortunate beetles are sacred in my culture actually i think he's a cockroach really then let him what i would very much appreciate it if your minions would refrain from manhandling my employees and i would appreciate it if you stopped using species words like man handling oh take it like a man you big ape i can't believe i have allied myself to a sniveling irritant like you irritate do you think i enjoy having my schemes yoked to an uncouth half-naked space fascist who can't even capture a six foot tall dog in a suit i assume you can do better you half-witted conjurer watch me nice simmering one more unfortunate misunderstanding should be enough to push tom and nicole here straight into super villain divorce court [Music] yo pwa i'm busy so about sal sal he is recovering from an unprovoked assault by a vicious space monkey ah poor guy he deserves a space monkey who'll treat him right i sure hope skunk apes boys don't trash your museum i bet the hairballs are piling up already if those space simions monkey with my precious tapestry they will feel my hot explosive wrath fine just keep your hot wrath off my jar will ya it takes forever to clean why are you in that big dumb ape skunk ape working together i have no earthly idea dr norrington keeps telling me that skunkapi is the key to finally gathering all the toys and completing the spell but nothing is worth this abuse nothing yes feel the hate grow within you all this talking with my brain is making me tired let's talk later hey skunky yes why are you working with that creepy paperweight guy because i foolishly believed that i could tolerate a brief alliance with this insulting necromancer in order to gather the toys of power i even consented to allow him to complete that stupid little spell he'd been working on that spell thing paperweight's working on it wouldn't have something to do with summoning an elder god by the name of yag sagad would it i wouldn't be surprised every other word out of that cretan's mouth is yogg-sag-off you'd think that tapestry was his security blanket the way he carries on about it oh boy don't touch the yogg-sagota tapestry yogzagot is unstoppable warts cannot describe the unspeakable terror of the yorks i got i need some me time very well hey minions yes don't talk to the squishy one me t-ho the general says his brain has the power to cloud apes minds flatterer looks like max is stoking the fires of discord i'll see if i can add some fuel from out here rhinoplasty hey sal are you okay that space ape was pretty rough on you no biggie that's what kindness exoskeletons are for am i right oh right anyway i'm not tangling with that guy again not even if the boss man tells me to in my day we'd have you blogged for such craven cowardice yeah well craving this fuzzy britches which was all the h running around i don't know and i don't want to know i'm not getting anywhere near those animals i think you should apologize for threatening to incinerate my obviously alive buddy here no offense bal i was just following orders oh we love it when servants say that your loyalty is commendable surf see yourself careful out there sam this place is cooker tonight hey guard guy don't bother me tyrone i've got to keep a lookout for sam right i'll just let you get back to that rhinoplasty be careful your highness you're full of hydrogen and dangerously unstable oh lighten up i have [Applause] could you move just a little bit to the left your majesty why no reason oh subhumanity that's really quite exhilarating you're welcome now never do it again no problem whoops let go of me [Applause] who is making all that infernal racket yogg sago never place your hands on our divine personage lighten up your majesty i think we're about to see some fireworks what one of your ignorant minions has destroyed the museum's priceless yorkshire off tapestry oh really [Music] yes sir did any of you destroy mr paperweight's precious tapestry no sir i believe you owe me an apology partner you're right i'm sorry apology accepted are your minions are trigger happy neanderthals that's it i've had it up to here with your incessant petulant whining petulant well i've had it up to here with your imperious attitude and your odiferous banana breath banana breath banana breath this alliance so be it it warms my heart to see these two fighting again yes i think it does sam better come get me before these two losers knock over my jar or worse kiss and make up [Music] we'd hear your majesty this move is going to require some sneakiness and that body you're wearing isn't really known for its stealth very well resistance is pointless karen eat my primordial wrath monkey boy [Music] [Applause] [Music] it's about time i would've been here two or three explosions ago if someone i know had the slightest bit of impulse control my body's walking around without my train how'd you work that out i found a loner in the creepy egyptian exhibit nice kit but a little bit of an attitude now let's get out of here before goofus and gallon figure out that we've played with ourselves [Music] [Music] you didn't stick the brain of a psychically gifted unstable adolescent pharaoh in my cute little body did you baby that is so cool [Music] must resist reality itself will kneel before maybe we should be leaving you think and so ends another mind-boggling mystery solved by the loping wits and the capriciously applied violence of the freelance police who's up for a sugar grenade what the hell are you talking about sam i'm still a brain in a jar don't be silly max you've always been a brain in a jar no i haven't i'm a short sexy lagomorph with an enormous mouth and dead shark-like eyes hold that thought little buddy we've got some idolizing to do say what is hanson oh you have got to be kidding attention everyone from this point forward those little things at the ends of your shoelaces yes aglets are hereby decreed to be the most horrible things in all the world [Music] it's a good thing i don't wear shoes sam snap out of it snap out of what ah just get me out of here i gotta find my body [Music] hey sam what is it max i'm a little fuzzy about how our last case wrapped up well after skunk ape kidnapped you i went on an embarrassing noirish rampage through the streets eventually tracking you down to the museum where i um uh hail salmon mac ouch looks like sam and mac's rewrite of history has more gaps than a british subway system how long has sam and mack been in charge of everything oh sam and max always been in charge ever since he emerged from the newly created sun resplendent in his billowing robe of glorious wonderment and banished the evil cat demons to the underworld cat demons yes they ruled the earth in the before time if cinnamon acts so great why is the city still such a mess sam and mack doesn't stress cleanliness he's more of a tithing and sacrifice kind of deity so as far as you know i've been a disembodied brain during the entire time you've known me right um yeah how could i possibly be an effective force for violently ironic justice without fist teeth or a gun don't sell yourself short max your poisonous personality and sharp edge container has gotten us out of more jams than i care to remember like well there's hail salmon mac yes if salmon mac's in charge of everything who's president of the united states don't be ridiculous max you are of course it's largely a ceremonial position all you really do is go to a lot of mall openings any luck getting me a body why do you want a body anyway you've never wanted one before forget it let's get a move on will do hey sam from this angle you can see my great big honking zip it little buddy [Music] oppressively grandiose monument to sam and mack the great erected by his gratefully besotted subjects october 17th 1791. oh now i know that's wrong sam oscars was standing here right up until this morning moscow never existed a little buddy neither did mama boss go what's that wow that last case must have pranked your frontal cortex more than usual max that's one of sam and mac's fabulous animatronic auto idols the boy king uses them to receive praise address the masses and keep an eye out for nasty heretics why does it look like me don't be blasphemous little pal it looks like sam and mac oh we're about to be addressed salmon mark is ruler of reality here i just wanted to say that i hereby decree that aglets are now the most wonderful thing in the whole world carry on darn no aglets if i had some i would have given them to him an idol on every corner now why didn't i think of that while i was planning my cult [Music] hey sam from this angle you can see my great big honking zip it little buddy hey sam what is it max i'm feeling a little lost right now isn't that my line usually but now that you're a member of team salmon mac it looks like i'll be doing all the driving you're a funny little glob of protein max give me a clue i can hardly wait to bask in lord sam and max presents i hope i don't drool too much give me a clue hmm i can hardly wait to bask in lord sam and mack's presence i hope i don't drool too much let's get a move on will do smack backs yak slacks it's a story about how sam and mack briefly declared andy and weave pants to be his most favored thing in the whole wide world for a few hours last thursday before he discovered how itchy they were and had them all destroyed in a massive bonfire like a little tyranny oh i suppose in salmon mack world the fire hydrants flow with fizzy grape soda don't be silly old chum they flow with plain old ambrosia same as a faucet what the heck is going on with our office oh we got kicked out of it last week when sam and mack requisitioned it to make way for a new statue commemorating his new high score on mimesweeper where do we work now mostly out of the desoto you know i hadn't really thought about it until we were kicked out but we haven't really used our office in months [Music] if sam and mack is such a perfect ruler and this is such a perfect world then why are there still parking meters quit it max cognitive dissonance gives me gas like my uncle barney's great dane max beware who said that who said what hold on sam i think i'm getting a call from a new psychic friend well played max sam must suspect nothing only you can untangle the twisted reality woven by salmon mark me oh there's a great plan what am i gonna do leak all over him make contact with the rebels they will give you the tools you need um i don't see any rebels you will know them by their backhanded salute now i must leave before i am discovered good luck max we're all counting on you who are you anyway you may call me dr norrington so what now little buddy what about oh i don't know getting my body back i keep telling you max you've never had a body all right fine let's go find someone with a backhanded salute what four for the thrill of it [Music] hail salmon mack hail salmon mac where would you like to go today sam perhaps you'd like to give a gift to lord sam and mack or maybe make a visit to sam and max planetarium throne room to bask in his glory or maybe you'd just like to cruise around the city taking in the wonders that lord salmon mack has bestowed on us those all sound swell guys but i think i'll let max pick the destination today he's in a bit of a fog you know who could fix that sam on mac i don't have any psychic toys i really gotta find those rebels [Music] senseless vandalism has its place but this isn't it mister card the last more or less honest credit card normally i'd be leery of a pizza franchise expanding into the credit market but if their loan rates are as stingy as their toppings then sign me up stinkies maker of lord sam and mac's favorite corn dogs of course they're his favorites he's licking them with my taste buds stinkies is packed with crates of corn dogs for salmon max endless feast [Music] stinky what do you want your shitless tab running losers can't you see i'm doing the lord's work here this will only take a minute that's what you always say before you drag me into your little schemes [Music] i see you brought out your catering truck for another delivery to our magnificent potentate i lord summon can't get enough of my special corn dogs with their secret blend of herbs spices and insect viscera i want one now give me give me give me down you these condoms are going straight to the old king's never-ending buffet table at the planetarium besides max you don't even have a mouth or a digestive system what would you want with a corn dog so you'll be heading off to the planetarium soon to bathe in the glow of sam and max praise i if i can ever get my lazy good for nothing granddaughter to quit messing with her cell phone oh i'm just um clearing up a few details with salman max hive you see what i have to put up with that's why we never work with family members especially after that time with cousin lucretia no how are you and girl stinky getting along why don't you go ask her yourself it's not as though she's doing anything else right now she just spends all her time texting people never lifting a finger to help her poor old grandpa it's nice to see your familial bonds are as strong as ever in this cruddy new world what in the name of sobek scrotum is he on about beats me i think he's just having one of his episodes who's girl stinky texting anyway she says she's organizing the buffet over at the planetarium but i think she's just chatting up her new boyfriend a boyfriend stinky [Laughter] oh man i needed that if i had a nose i would have horked milk out of it but seriously grandpa sam salmon max sure is swell isn't he oh that is lad by just last night there was this tremendous storm over the city causing my knees to seize up something fierce i used to have an elbow like that back when i had elbows chashu so i brought a gift to the local salmon mac offering depository dropped it off with a little prayer and hoot the skies cleared up the next morning and my knees are fine praise salmon mac oh yeah because storms never end on their own it must have been salmon mack that did it max are you blaspheming the name of simon mike you're squashy little nobody no way grandpa stinky max is cool aren't you hell sam and mack that's better so sam and mac really changed the weather for you that's incredible some might say unbelievable and it's a good thing too when those low pressure systems roll in my knees seize up like burnt tapioca hey you've got an unhauling knack with meats and organs any chance you can whip up a body for max well i have been noodling with a recipe for a golem made of hummus yeah no never mind suit yourself [Music] you look different today stinky do you think it's the glazed over mask of idolatry sam no no it's that oh snazzy did you get that at the ren fair grandfather this is the medallion of tithing given to me by lord salmon mack for offering him a one-of-a-kind gift that was most pleasing to his omniscient eye what'd you give him some yak hair pants they were the only ones in the world i'm jealous you should be if i can scrape up a couple more of these accessories of privilege i'll be sitting at the right hand of lord salmon mac himself all you had to do to get that accessory of privilege was give lord sam and mack a present aye but only a one of a kind gift that's his most precious thing in the whole wide world that's tricky the pharaoh's a bit uh whimsical tell me about it i never can tell what sort of exotic toppings he's gonna want on these infernal corn dogs salmon mac is handsome sam and mac is cute just a normal salute sam and mack is mighty sam and mack is grand the brilliance of lord simon is more than we can stand oh brother well you look busy notice that digi so we'll be on our way what no riddles no discursive queries into the secret ingredients of my mysterious menu items we're between cases oh that body snatching pharaoh even bamboozled the stinkies what good is bitter narcissism if it can't protect you from mind control hey stinky how's it shaking oh joy it's chico and the man can we just cut to the chase i've got important simon mac business to attend to what are you doing out here what does it look like i'm helping grandpa stinky load another metric barge load of corn dogs to lord salmon max never ending buffet table over at the planetarium that's funny it looks like you're texting your boyfriend boyfriend who said i had a boyfriend i'm saving myself for lord salmon mac isn't he like uh 10 now but in a few years so who are you texting i'm uh handling all the logistics of the buffet seems kind of cruel to let your grandpa do all the heavy lifting oh he insisted no i didn't grandpa stinky's looking relatively upbeat today insufferable isn't it ever since he got that medallion of tithing he's been running around like his broccoli doesn't smell [Music] lord salmon max sure is swell isn't he oh i know and so powerful oh and wealthy and powerful you said powerful twice what can i say i like power salmon mac is handsome sam and mack is cute when we think of salmon mac we give a big salute that wasn't backhanded salmon mac is mighty sam and mac is grand the brilliance of lord salmon mac is more than we can stand come on guys grow some basil ganglia you look uh busy so we'll let you get back to your uh work it's been great guys let's do this again real soon [Music] stinkies catering to lord salmon max since 1923. since when does stinky's cater it's right there in the truck max our lord salmon max sure loves his corn dogs hail salmon mac hail salmon mac hale salmon mac yeah yeah hail salmon mac [Music] [Applause] [Music] flooding revolution can't be easy with all the creepy statues around why would anyone want to plot revolution no reason how come your lord salmon mac hasn't fixed the city's broken down pay phones he's phasing in brand new communications technology a vast network of vacuum tubes nope messenger slaves crawling through a vast network of vacuum tubes [Music] hey sam what is it max let's get a move on we'll do salmon max shatters storm citizens rejoiced as lord sam and mack used his mighty powers to disperse a thunderstorm and advance to his annual visit to our fair city and look there's a picture [Music] hey stop bothering me i finally found my place in sam and max blessed world and i don't need my bubble rubbed by no freelance police hey monkey boy monkeys have tails dog man and i'm busy [Music] nothing says beloved ruler like a ubiquitous surveillance network nothing said it's about time they built an official salmon mac offering vault out here in the borough offering vault you mean there's nothing in there but stuff that people have given to salmon mac yup no more slapping over to newark for this salmon mack tithing doggie hey sal sam [Music] i see you got a new job grand vizier paperweight was so impressed with my work as a museum security guard that he promoted me to the chief offering collector here at the regional offering vault 714 it's true you cockroaches really are survivors yep and now i don't even have to patrol all i got to do is guard this door and take gifts into this impenetrable offering vault it's a little slice of heaven i'll go the offerings today ah you know how it is in a tough economy charitable contributions go right down the toilet even gifts to lord salmon mack i know the guy creates the sky and the stars and the creatures of the field and people let a little thing like a double dip recession stop them from paying their respects it's a sick sad world cell i've got a gift for lord sam and mack oh yeah i can't accept just any old thing you know the omnipotent one is kind of picky what you got how about this nifty brain in a jar oh that's a really bad idea sam why i'd make a perfect gift most people sure but lord salmon mack has a thing about disembodied brains some sort of unresolved past life issues oh yeah i remember reading about that in his autobiography looks like you'll have to stay out here with me little buddy you know if max here wasn't a brain he'd probably make a fine offering salmon mac loves it when people offer up their friends as gifts how about a handsome but seldom useful firearm lord seven mack doesn't need guns he could drop an army by wrinkling his cute little nose i didn't know my cute little nose could wrinkle um on second thought i don't think i have anything worthy of his plenipotency at the moment i hear you i got worthiness issues myself i just love your salmon mac accessory pretty sweet huh that's my ornament of fealty lord seven mack gave it to me for exposing an evil heretic a heretic what did he deny the quadrin nature of the esoteric illuminations worse he didn't salute fast enough that is bad so to get my own ornament of fealty i need to expose a heretic heretics aren't so easy to find these days everyone knows you gotta bow down a salmon mac if you want to stay out of the pit of contrition hey cell does his absolute perfectionist have any empty bodies in there my buddy's in the market for one i'm sure he wouldn't miss it first of all the answer is no lord salmonback doesn't have any empty bodies in there ranch second of all you really shouldn't get around about stealing from the big guy that kind of talk could get the grand vizier and his goons all over your keisters if i had a butt we wouldn't even be having this conversation salmon mac is handsome sam and mack is cute when we think of simon mac we give a big salute that wasn't backhanded salmon mac is mighty sam and mack is grand the brilliance of lord salmon mack is more than we can stand get a room will ya catch you later sal hail salmon mack hill seven back right back at you sam oh brother [Music] back away from the vault door sam come on sal can i have a little peek inside like all good salmon mac enthusiasts i'm just dying to know what sort of cool stuff people are tithing this season sorry sam who can do the only people allowed in there are me and the big mac himself i only go in there when i'm putting a new gift in the vault come on sam stop messing with me [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] i hope the underground has a sweet hideout the underground the underground uh the underground frisbee golf league yeah [Music] if i'm gonna be franchised out i should at least be collecting licensing fees it costs four lots of grain to use this pay phone i remember when it was just a half bladder of lamp oil [Music] when the toaster's gone bring it down to radio yurt mickey may charge an arm and a leg but at least his poetry sucks nikki t's radio yurt i love nicki's ads he dresses up like genghis khan and slashes high prices with a giant sword until the prices are all lying on the ground with their guts all hanging out sorry just kind of got lost in a moment there oh that's brutal get me out of here sam holy mother of seven mack dancing the karaoke with the priests what was that i think they were dial-up modems hold [Music] radios do they still make those keep it down will ya we're trying to listen to the fights right in the labonza frankie ah jesus if i don't have enough trouble today now i gotta deal with the freak and freelance police beat it coppers yeah let us fleece our cousin in peace do you mind not ears deceive me or are those rats mouthing off to us i believe they are max shall we make a lesson of them i believe we shall creator of the cosmos well be nice while we talk to your cousin what sort of low-rent criminal shenanigans are you and your kin perpetrating out here and please keep in mind that i can see the future so i'll know if we'll be slapping you around for lying to us later on hey there's nothing illegal going on here honest me and my cousins were just engaging in a little friendly wagering over samu max uh what you call it gladiatorial bouts really yeah of course we don't actually bet on who wins or loses that schooncape gorilla is impossible to beat so we bet on what the general's finishing moves gonna be finishing move how 90s when general skunkape finishes off an opponent he'll use one of his six signature moves to do the deed before each fight we make bets on which one it's gonna be fascinating no it's not humor the little rat guy max could you run through this whole gladiatorial gambling thing again you probably couldn't tell but i was asleep the last time sure sure no problemo like i said me and the boys like to bet on which of the six signature finishing moves general skunkape uses to annihilate his opponent in samomak's pit of contrition hey you're a rat who knows how to get things plagued diphtheria scabies do you have a line on any empty body so that we could drop max's brain into i'm getting a little existential in here i'd like to help guys but uh it's a little out of my pay grade i can fix you up with a nice car stereo though thanks we'll pass let's not be too hasty sam the powers of my psychic brain melded to a kicking sound system could be a formidable force for justice that salmon max sure is the bee's knees isn't he do you know it pal take a look at this cool bit of bling if i get a couple more of these accessories of privilege i'll be hobnobbing with the big ass himself that's some sweet salmon mac theme bling you got there bling do people still say that and not just any bling this is a genuine pendant of inquisition given to me by lord samuel mack after i personally checked the 160 000 orifices of 20 000 guests at the security checkpoint of his majesty's summer soiree classy tell me we're not going to do that can i borrow your thingy of inquisition no i'm not throwing it in the pot to spice things up a little i'll stick with cash salmon mac is handsome sam and mack is cute when we think of sam and mack we give a big salute that wasn't backhanded sam and mack is mighty sam and mack is grand come a freelance cop gambling on the street like a common rat hey guys wake up what the high and mighty freelance policeman wants to make a bet on the next fight bring him on more money for us so which move do you think will use next 20 simoleons on the gorilla girly slam sam since when do you have any cash and uh where are you carrying it hey since sam and mack kicked us out of our office we've been saving a bundle by living out of the desoto and b none of your damn business touche all right cousins of mine sam has made his bet what are your picks i'll take the space ape kidney punch i'll put down 20 on the great eight leg sweep and i'll pick the uh gorilla thigh squeeze but first i better go get some cash what's that all about frankie doesn't trust us so he never carries any cash when he's around us subsequently he always has to run off to the atm machine every time he makes a bet hey paulie you just called it an atm machine so what so that's redundant that's what i'm back that's a good thing too rosencrantz and guildenstern here we're starting to put me into a coma the fight's about to start looks like another blasphemous bull man has entered the ring to face off against salmon mack's undefeated champion skunkape let's see how he does circles the ring the challenger runs for his life oh that's gotta hurt scuncape's moving in for the kill which one of his signature moves will he use is it oh my yes it's the great eight leg sweep and the crowd goes wild no thighs squeeze oh come on sconcape use your stinking hands more money for my mani-pedi come on i'm picking up a faint whiff of disestablishmentarianism i think that's stinky's famous kelp nuggets [Music] well that was an interesting shortcut look these grotty little mole people have made a primitive mosaic of lord salmon mac that's me sam i think it's cute that you maintain such a positive self-image max i'm not sure if sam and mac would approve of this mosaic where's the beard thingy and the headdress someday we should get around to properly burying samuth and maximus hey mole cultists how's it going okay please don't snarl at us again why would i do that i've got max's brain back and everything's right with the world right what are you guys up to on this fine salmon mac created day something mole manny i bet oh nothing really we were guarding something but it's gone now and we couldn't be happier oh yeah i vaguely remember something about that what was that again nothing important certainly not a toy box of unspeakable reality altering power or anything okay want any help with that missing artifact that i can't quite remember nah we're good don't give it a second thought lord sam and max sure is nifty isn't he yes wonderful guy he's a peach all right i can't imagine why anyone would ever rebel against him no sir ow i don't know why i'm asking you gals but do you know anything about making bodies for disembodied brains max here is getting really antsy without one the brain without a head deliverance is at hand a simple no would be sufficient salmon mac is mighty sam and mac is grand the brilliant is handsome sam and mack is cute when we think of stamina we give a big salute hey you gave a backhanded salute are you a rebel rebels where salmon macca's mighty salmon mack is grand the brilliance of lord salmon mack is more than we can stand i should keep them busy for the next few hours so are you a rebel or not we're much more than mere rebels hey aren't you defeat sam and mack you will need a weapon that our rebel forefathers originally used to separate his tyrannical brain from his spoiled body back in ancient egypt cable television no we speak of the brain screw oh pointy and dangerous two of my favorite things bring the sacred weapon close to salmon mack and we'll take care of the rest bring the brain screw to salmon net easy peasy i fear it will be neither easy nor peasy but fear not i wasn't we have obtained several tools to help you in your quest my psychic toys i've missed you boys many more people sacrifice your dignity and 401ks to steal these infernal amusements out from under salmon max all-seeing games use them wisely wisely that's adorable hey sam give me up reverence submission is tough on the knees that's nice hey i got us a case really yeah the case of sam and max missing brain screw oh sounds pointy and dangerous it better be or you better get used to carrying me around i've been carrying you for years well if sam and max missing his brain screw we'd better bring it back to him he's probably in the throne room at the museum how long is he going to be out like that we'll keep him under until reality reasserts itself i wish i had hands so i could draw a monocle on his face hey my brain water's pretty warm sam try sticking his hand in my jar how long is he going to be out like that we'll keep him under until reality reasserts itself you know it's eerie how much maximus looks like lord sam and mack someday we should get around to properly burying samuth and maximus oh we'll take care of that it's the least we can do for the ancestors of our future saviors you have any idea what they're talking about only marginally sam how about a little worshipful kneeling huh i know you love it and i want to uh talk to these mole guys for a bit about how cool salmon mack is great idea pal who are you guys anyway we are the last disciples of the anti-salmon max society and croquet league of west nigeria the a s yes yes it's an unfortunate acronym believe me it spelled something a lot more awe-inspiring back in ancient egypt so when this is all over i get my body back right your clothes may not survive the reality altering process and your list of favorite songs and television programs will remain the same but sorted into alphabetical order damn salmon mac still it's a small price to pay i'm a little unclear on this did sam and matt change the world and make everyone but us think it had always been this way or did he actually change it so it's always been this way and we're the only ones who know that it hasn't the first one the second one well that's reassuring actually we don't really know but really what's the difference whatever the nature of this perverted reality sam and mac must be stopped is this not correct yes no what what was the question again that's the spirit hang on i've seen movies if the world's always been this way how come everything's mostly the same how come it's not raining chickpeas or flying dinosaurs rule the cities instead of everything being so normal we don't know why everything's so normal talking rabbit brain in a jar ask your friend the talking dog or the man-sized cockroach or the alien space gorilla just get on with it or we'll be stuck in this shuttly remade reality forever why'd you knock out obadiah there he's had a hard time holding on to his identity in this new thammun mock centric reality he might have salamandered you out to the grand vizier i think you mean ratted spoken like someone who's never loaned money to a salamander who's this norrington guy and why is he talking in my head we have no idea shortly after sam and mack reordered reality norrington made contact with us and began aiding our desperate arrangements to defeat the pharaoh as long as he is an enemy of salmon mock he is a friend of ours whoever he is we trust him implicitly can you guys cast any cool curses the old ways are long lost to us city moles but i can whip you up a tantalizing fresh pear and almond dessert pizza hey about that brain screw you mustn't alert your partner to our plans can't we just give it to you no we could never get close enough to the pharaoh to use it he doesn't trust small people just because your people ripped out his brain a few thousand years ago way to hold a garage you must bring the brain screw to sam and max side are you sure we can't just give you this brain screw all of sam's kissing up the salmon mac is making me ill courage brave little squeaky one just get close to simon mack then we'll take care of the rest you stay here cowering in the dark i'll go beat the bad guy good luck moist savior we'll be fighting by your side in spirit from down here no don't think so future taranis jr yeah we that brain screw's a menace and it makes people speak in gobbledygook i think that's latin max [Music] i hope girl stinky's got an unlimited texting plan texting so 2009 all the cool kids are blimp dingling these days you're cute when you make up tech fans max no i love lord salmon muck it looks like grandpa stinky's got a date with lord sam and max heretic police in the near future it's always the guy you most suspect isn't it let me help you out with that little buddy don't mind if you do so [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] you know maybe it's just a 28.5 annual interest rate talking but i'm feeling on my peckish right now a might peckish have you been watching british tv again i can't help it the short seasons appeal to my limited attention span [Music] hey sam i've got a gift for lord sam and mack we'll see about that what you got how about an authentic egyptian brain screw oh that's a really bad idea sam why didn't you hear sam and mack hates those things i should destroy it right now we better hold on to it just in case lord sam and mac changes his mind yeah okay he is a whimsical overlord how about a credit card i'm offering zero percent apr on balance transfers lord salmon mack doesn't need credit he prefers to just manifest his will so no don't worry um on second thought i don't think i have anything worthy of his plenipotency at the moment i hear you i got worthiness issues myself catch you later sal hail salmon mac back right back at you sam oh brother [Music] no sam the brain screw belongs to lord salmon mack if a commoner touches it you'll get icky mortal cooties all over it good thinking little buddy [Music] that won't work [Music] no sam good thinking little buddy [Music] i better go to the museum to give lord salmon mac his brain screw i bet i'll get a cool reward [Music] future [Music] oh lord salmon max gonna love this looks like someone's about to give lord salmon mac the perfect gift i hope it's me no you can't have my toy i need to give this to the general hey wow what do you call deja vu in the future deja vu [Music] so [Applause] [Music] future that's brutal which one of his signature moves will he use is it oh man that was even more useless than usual gotta love the way the general uses his hands too bad i didn't get the rest right i should have known better than to go back to the gorilla moves ah i thought for sure it would be the kidney punch the pharaoh sure loves a good light show [Music] [Music] franklin again don't tell them nothing frankie i'd like to make another bet it's your loss squeaky i'll put a jackson on the simeon sucker punch all right cousins of mine sam has made his bet what are your picks i'm liking that gorilla girly slap i see a gorilla girly slap in the near future and i'll pick the uh space-save kidney punch but first i better go get some cash we take jewelry so regrets huh how's that working out for you the fight's about to start looks like another blasphemous bull man has entered the ring to face off against salmon mac's undefeated champion skunkape let's see how he does ow boom goes the dynamite scuncape is moving in for the kill which one of his signature moves will he use is it yes the crowd pleasing simeon sucker punch and the crowd goes wild i thought for sure it would be the kidney punch gotta love the way the general uses his hands too bad i didn't get the rest right i should have known better than to go back to the gorilla moves hey i won lucky dog yes that's it look in no way aided by a brain with powers to see into the future don't push it max they may be smarter than they look come on [Music] okay let's have a nice firm chat with this body stealing croc muncher that's no way to talk about our divine leader max ah get grief kick him in the scarabs do it do it [Music] well play general skunkape you are truly our fiercest and smelliest warrior i live for your praise my lies you know i enjoy a good pummeling as much as the next brain in a jar but that seemed really unfair it may seem unfair little buddy but it's the only way those stinking rebels will learn to accept salmon mac's righteous rule you're creepy when you're sick of fantastic sam correct that rat's bank account must have more zeros than donald trump's alimony checks i almost feel sorry for the little dude oh well sam and mack knows best looks like skunk apes working out a lot of unresolved issues on those mole men it's cheaper than therapy and almost as funny it's lord sam and max astral projector i think it keeps the sky from falling hey sam what is it max give me a clue hmm i can hardly wait to bask and lord sam and max presents i hope i don't drool too much let's get a move on we'll do [Music] inner circle members only i don't think we're supposed to go in there that doesn't apply to us we're the freelance police stop only members of lord summon mac's inner circle are allowed within 10 qubits of the boy king oh and how does sniveling jerk like you get to be in the inner circle the same way as everyone else by earning accessories of privilege i like the face how can i get these accessories just do exceptionally good deeds on someone mac's behalf like i did now scat well that wasn't very nice but it won't stop me from returning lord sam and max brain screw i just need to rustle up some accessory thingies paperweight that's grand vizier paperweight to your peasant grand vizier don't you remember max after our ancestors stopped paperweight from summoning yok sagoth to overthrow salmon mac paperweight saw the error of his ways and worked his way up to becoming salmon mac's grand vizier confidentially i think paperweight's pulling a scam uh what can you do um i don't think that's how it happened you're just confused do you need something i'm very busy organizing his magnificentness gladiatorial battles what's skunk doing down there in his infinite wisdom his awesomeness has decreed that generous kunkape will lead summon max legions in a conquest of the solar system and the stars beyond cool yeah cool but why is he wailing on molemen as you know lord summon mark despises the mole people watching his space gorilla whale on them amuses him well it is pretty funny when does skunk ape's glorious conquest of the stars for sam and mack begin i'm not entirely certain i presume once his majesty tires of seeing mole men getting the stuffing beat out of them i still can't believe you weaseled your way into a position of honor in sam and max court yellows back now heck yes how'd you do it all it took was decades of service to the lord summoned mark the things i had to do to earn my accessories a privilege would make you weep weep i tell you big deal sam weeps at greeting card commercials they turn an average day into something special one of these days i'm taking you down paperweight dream on foolish peasant without at least three accessories of privilege you'll never even get near me what an odd thing to say [Music] how's the great high salmon mac today wonderful as usual if anything he's even more wonderful gosh [Music] any chance you could talk to his spectacularness about my little buddy he seems to be missing a body it's right there don't be silly max that's salmon mac ah your friend seems upset with the pharaoh of pharaohs he's not one of those heretical rebels is he max no way he loves sam and mack right well he is really handsome and marketable see so any chance the big guy can help max i'm afraid his perfectness is booked upon boons for the next 37 years there's no way to grant an audience sooner than that unless of course you could somehow acquire enough accessories of privilege to join his inner circle yay salmon mac is handsome sam and mack is cute when we think of salmon mac we give the big salute salmon mac is mighty sam and mack is grand the brilliance of lord salmon mac is more than we can stain don't go anywhere p wait i've got my eye on you why would i leave i'm right where i want to be basking in someone mark's glory i can't get in there until i've obtained three accessories of privilege [Music] i have something very important for the pharaoh can you let me through let me consider this my answer is no you who lord salmon mac he's blowing you off sam and after all you did to put him on the throne what are you talking about max never mind [Music] hmm [Music] in new zealand this arrangement of non-descript stars has been designated the big fan paperweight what is that it's an electric fan my lord uh fan attention everyone this is salmon mac the light of your lives and the breath in your lungs speaking we just want you to know that as of right now electric fans are officially my most cherished things in the world second only to our glorious selves carry on hmm if i had one of those i could give it to sam and mack [Music] in days of yore british sailors would often follow pramiopea the baby buggy to guide their vessels home vizier what is that magnificent contraption it's a pram my liege a pram eh attention everyone this is salmon mac holy of holies here from now on crams are hereby decreed to be the ditchiest things in all creation we love them and you should too that is all [Music] the constellation known as the great fudgy stick was previously eroticos the joybringer until a texas school board ruling in 2003 whoa what is that it's a fudgy stick sir they're a big hit with the kids fudgy sticks hey-ho everyone salmon mac here again we'd like everyone to know that fudgy sticks are officially our favorite things in the world we think they're tops well that's it goodbye check it out max it's lord sam and max box of power i wish i had a box of power deep down i think everyone does max watch that that is lord salmonic's magnificent pyramid of corn dogs a meticulously balanced marble of nearly 340 stinky spread corn dogs don't you natives know anything about your own country corn dogs give me give me give me whoops no [Music] what [Music] what is that that thing that has defiled our pyramid of corn dogs it's um my euro snap 3000 srx camera my lord a camera eh listen up everybody we hereby decree that cameras are the most despicable things in the world if you see a camera smash it into teeny tiny bits for your lord and master that is all oh blogger and as for you into the pit of contrition with you yo oh my grandkids vizier more corn dogs right away your wonderfulness that was quick confidentially this happens a lot so we always have a spare sam and max sure does love his corn dogs corn dogs it's a good thing you're stuck in that jar little buddy or you might have caused an unholy incident what a spread let's see we've got four olifero rams blood jigglers scarab crunch and oh is that scorpion noodle bank hate to be the poor guy on the receiving end of that righteous wrath hey hmm graspy little fella isn't he you'd think his future biceps would have a little muscle tone after all that gladiating what the apparently the future is a hellish nightmare of slow motion action movie cliches though i am so very sorry your perfectness wow that was some world-class groveling i wonder where he trained hey phenoplasty that's the second largest stack of corn dogs i've ever seen all right egypt boy you can steal my silky fur and my charming cartilage but you'll never take away my smack-time indulgences in the name of the sweet the salty and the cheap yellow mustard i hereby liberate these corn dogs [Music] what is that it's a credit card mileage a credit card hmm very well listen up everyone this is salmon forget what we said before from now on credit cards are a scourge upon the land and our least favorite thing ever so if you see a credit card rip it to shreds what did i miss i think you just single-handedly destroyed the foundations of the u.s economy over a pile of corn [Music] [Music] dogs bad idea little guy you're the thing sam and mac hates most i'd hate to see you torn apart by a bloodthirsty mob you're no fun anymore sam [Music] the defending champions squeaky i'll put a jackson on the simeon sucker punch all right cousins of mine sam has made his bet what are your picks i'll take the space ape kidney punch the simeon scissor kick is calling to me frankie and i'll pick the uh gorilla thigh squeeze but first i gotta get some cash credit card lord sam and mac hates credit cards pulverize it now guys don't you want in on that they look like they've got it under control no now what'll i bet how about that funky pendant in yours a pendant of inquisition but it was a gift from samuel mack himself an accessory what do you call it privilege but if you win you'll have that and 60 bucks hey good point i'm in back to the corner looks like another blasphemous bowl man has entered the ring to face off against salmon mac's undefeated champion skunkape let's see how he does oh my this one's almost over before it even had a chance to start scuncape's moving in for the kill which one of his signature moves will he use is it yes yes the gorilla girly slap and the crowd goes wild no thighs squeeze ah gotta love the way the general uses his hands too bad i didn't get the rest right ah jeez i thought for sure he'd use one of them simeon moves this time hey no one won now what happens everyone gets their bets back and we live to bed another day tough guy oh that's brutal which one of his signature moves will he use is it gotta love the way the general uses his hands too bad i didn't get the rest right i should have known better than to go back to the gorilla moves ah i thought for sure it would be the kidney punch right in the labonza nice weather we're having back to the corner franklin again don't tell them nothing frankie yeah i don't know can i borrow your thingy of inquisition no i'd like to take some more of your money ah jeez i'll put a jackson on the simeon sucker punch all right cousins of mine sam has made his bet what are your picks i'm liking that gorilla girly slap i see a gorilla girly slap in the near future and i'll pick the uh spacey kidney punch and i guess i'll just throw my pendant back in there looks like another blasphemous bull man has entered the ring to face off against salmon mack's undefeated champion skunkape let's see how he does oh that's gotta hurt scuncape is moving in for the kill which one of his signature moves will he use is it yes the crowd-pleasing simian sucker punch and the crowd goes wild i thought for sure it would be the kidney punch gotta love the way the general uses his hands too bad i didn't get the rest right i should have known better than to go back to the gorilla moves [Music] no hey what about the cash this accessory of privilege is all we need to get closer to the glory of sam and mack works for us [Music] well done max yikes what just a little brain cramp preparations are being made gather more accessories of privilege so that sam can get next to salmon mac no problem and don't forget to bring the brain screw yeah yeah sheesh what a nag who are you talking to max and um an imaginary friend i call him floyd j dalrymple you and your wacky psychic powers [Music] [Music] i know plastic sam get a lot of me i'm for the love of salmon mac don't say it toasty [Music] why a pyramid surely a splunks of corn dogs would have been more impressive you may have my body your phony pharaoh but all your corn dogs are belong to max hey pharaoh face look at me i'm dancing on the grave of your hopes and dreams [Music] what is that it's a wedge called toaster sir a toaster egg attention everyone this is salmon mac lord of all creation forget what we said before from now on toasters are officially the most horrid beastly things in the whole wide world and if you see a toaster and you want to make us happy break it into tiny little bits wow that means every toaster in the world is now utterly and irrevocably destroyed but where does that leave toaster pastries room temperature little buddy room temperature hmm [Music] in 1999 the wedgeco electric company paid 15 million dollars to purchase the naming rights of this constellation now forever known as the wedgeco flying toaster [Music] what is that it's a wedgeco toaster your omnipotence a toaster greetings everyone this is salmon mac the divine speaking from this day forward toasters are the most exalted things in all the universe ranking just below yours truly on the awesome meter just thought you should know [Music] teleportation [Music] i've got a gift for lord sam and mack oh yeah i can't accept just any old thing you know the omnipotent one is kind of picky what you got [Music] i'm not giving that back to sam and mack he'll think i'm a re-gifter is that yes yes it is oh lord sam and max gonna love this wedgecoat toasters are his favorite things in the world so i've heard but they've been so scarce since the purging where'd you find this one i made it it's amazing what you can do with a glue gun some pipe cleaners and a little imagination amazing well i'll just stash this bad boy in the vault sam in gratitude for your truly one-of-a-kind offering lord simon mack has ordered me to present you with one of his accessories of privilege immediately our superlative tithing i don't know what to say gratitude would be appropriate beyond thank you salmon mack hey you're back little brain buddy wait a sec if you're here what about don't overthink it sam well done max yikes what just a little brain cramp our agents are almost in place obtain another accessory of privilege so that some may get close to the pharaoh i'm all over it look at me sam i'm a low pressure system i'm like a cushy government job but with thunder are you precipitating um sure precipitating that's it [Music] catch you later sal hail salmon mack hill seven back right back at you sam oh brother [Music] [Music] little plastic we should go to the old folks home and watch their rheumatism flare up you're a sadistic little twerp max [Music] oh the weather's turning i can feel it [Music] yo stinky ah again with the interruptions lord salmon mack won't be happy if i'm late you know sam and mack is mighty sam and mack is grand brilliant my poor knees blasphemer heretic alert heretic alert heretic alert i'm not a heretic oblivion egypt i've got bad knees tell it to the pit of contrition punk no i love lord salmon mark sam and max in the recognition of the great service you've done to your lord and master i have been instructed by samuel mack himself to reward you with one of his accessories of privilege the ornament of fealty ah he shouldn't have as you are everyone sweet hopping horus on a two-headed ass i've got three accessories of privilege you know what that means max we get a free hoagie on our next visit no it means i'm worthy of basking in the transcendent radiance of lord sam and max divine personage i prefer the hoagies you don't even have a mouth hmm i wonder if i should shave first wow that spindly old woman's really holding her own against skunky who knew that that dame judy dench exterior was hiding the ninja skills of mila jovovich i don't think mila overview is really a ninja max i wonder how long she can keep that up [Music] [Music] this should be fun stop who dares trespass into the inner circle of the lord high salmon mac hi dear grand vizier pepper pot and we've got the bling of whatever to prove it it appears they'll give out accessories of privilege to anyone these days very well let it be written that sam and max freelance police have been granted entry into the inner circle of the lord high salmon mac maker of worlds and breather of life welcome salmon max try not to bother the lord high he's a busy god try not to bother the lord hai he's a busy god check it out max it's lord sam and max box of power lord salmon mack thanks for welcoming me into your inner circle i can't believe i'm so close to your radiant gloriousness yes yes it's a great honor now steal your tongue we're watching the fight he talked to me stop drooling sam your wonderfulness we're busy sorry lord sam and mack thanks for welcoming me into your inner circle yes yes you talk to me stop drooling sam [Music] the medallion of tithing lets everyone know that i gave and mack a bothell one of a kind offering i didn't technically earn this pendant of inquisition the ornament of fealty is a reminder that i must always be on the lookout for enemies of lord sam and brother no way i can't believe i even considered that almost mighty and glorious lord salmon mack i have something you might be interested in [Music] hey now missy be careful with that thing sam no you're very full well done my wet nosed and faithful servant now finish off this wretched assassin isn't that a little harsh how about we just slap her with a fine or revoke her internet privileges for a few days kill her come on sam don't be a jerk i'm sorry my liege i can't do it what [Music] people wait how could you let her escape no i am so very sorry your perfectness and you you have disappointed us for the first and only time sam into the pit of contrition with you yes your awesomeness yes i shall enjoy this let the divine punishment begin i've waited a lifetime for this earth but we only imprisoned you in the penal zone a couple of hours ago yes but due to the temporal differences between this dimension and the blah blah blah just shut up and fight yes your gloriousness yes your wonderfulness let us see what you've got [Music] a child could have seen that move coming hey yo [Music] max little help here future a little but do you think you can widen the zoom on these visions a bit maybe if i had some hands i could fiddle with the lenses i couldn't have done it without you max who knew skunk ape was so sensitive about getting dumped by paperweight looks like you're gonna win that's very comforting paperweights got a shorter fuse than those fireworks we bought from those girl scouts [Music] i can't leave now the fight's just getting good that won't do me any good now still standing i'm impressed if this is all it takes you'll be really impressed when i kick your crimson keister [Music] hey skunky what i've been wondering what can you get free space gas with your aarp card you're clumsy off do you know how much that equipment costs hey skunky what you sure you don't want to take a break skunk ape what well it'll be 4 30 soon i wouldn't want you to miss the senior dinner discount at stinky's [Music] stop hacking at my planetarium you clawed so grandpa [Music] i can't believe you're doing paperweights dirty work what are you talking about i don't see him in here getting all sweaty with mole man do you the only thing paperweight is good for is fetching me more grapes after my battles [Music] i bet sam and mack really appreciates how well you follow paperweights orders paperweight that two-bit conjurer isn't fit to pick nits out of my height paperweight told me but wait that spineless [ __ ] [Music] don't just stand there like a drooling who man hit me [Music] oh very amusing [Music] um now sam at least try to give our liege a few minutes of entertainment you're almost as pathetic as those mole people well played ah stop me if you've heard this one before uh [Music] so the more men giving you a good fight don't be ridiculous those dreary little more men barely get my pulse racing it's all i can do not to double overlapping when i see them running around the arena hey egalita with the way down with the pharaoh how dare you ow [Music] didn't any of the mole people give you a good fight well that desiccated old mole woman had some fight and her certainly a lot more than the male of her species [Music] [Applause] don't talk to me about those pathetic little fur bags [Music] [Applause] [Music] it must have hurt when paperweight dumped you huh what are you talking about you know when he ditched your little alliance of the b-less super villains what paperweight didn't break the alliance i broke it i dumped him that's a lie ah my eyes hey skunky what paperweight broke your heart when he broke the alliance didn't he i told you i broke up with him liar ah my eyes so grandpa clumsy off do you know how much that equipment costs [Music] hey skunky what about those more people don't talk to me about those pathetic little fur bags hey with mole down with the pharaoh lalala so cool hey skunky what it must have hurt when paperweight dumped you huh what are you talking about you know when he ditched your little alliance of the b-less super villains what paperweight didn't break the alliance i broke it i dumped him that's a lie [Music] ah my eyes [Music] finish him [Music] i have had enough of you i knew you could do it sam even though i may have secretly placed some side bets against you i couldn't have done it without you max who knew skunk ape was so sensitive about getting dumped by paperweight must we do everything around here if you will not submit our champion then we will personally have the pleasure of scraping you from the papyrus of reality try not to ruin my face sam and don't think we haven't noticed you meddling with our stolen toys ah crocodile now insect strike me if you can i can't your gloriousness that's more like it why so quiet sam bastet got your tongue go ahead hits me salmon mac you're really yes a heck of a guy [Laughter] max give me a hand here but i don't have any hand sam or magic toys when has that stopped you before all right all right i'll see what i can do you know what i could go for right now some cheesy fries not helping max any ideas i was kind of hoping you to have some little buddy i got nothing go ahead make my epoch sam and mac is stupid salmon matches lane your next brain sam and mac is handsome sam and mack is cute when we think of salmon mac we give a big salute catholica you almost hate me salmon mac is mighty salmon mac is grand the brilliance of lord salmon mack is more than we can stand kneeling won't save you now traitor salmon mac is handsome salmon mac is cute when we think of salmon mack we give a big flute oh i'll never be a grand vizier now [Music] [Music] oh have i got a headache hey did i just miss out on one of those reality makeover capers yep you were pretty much useless through the whole thing dang don't worry though i saved the day all by myself even though i had my hands legs and all my internal organs tied behind my back hey nice work little buddy now hurry up and put my brain back in my body this jar is starting to fog up there you are max good as uh new oh it's tight in here all that demon broth must have fattened up my brain we'll get you on a steady diet of brain shrinking reality shows tomorrow now let's stow this troublemaking toy box someplace safe before another delusional jerkwad gets his hands on it aside from me you mean sam is coming sam is coming sam is coming you don't have to repeat yourself and besides i'm right here actually [Music] this is just like that dream i had last night i wonder if he studied for his finals why don't you ask them [Music] max yes shouldn't i be waking up about now shouldn't i be waking up now a good question from a good dog and one that you are no doubt asking yourself even now along with who is the ominous doctor norrington how did monsieur paperweight survive for over a century and what is the dealio with all those naked sams [Music] we'll have answers of a sort to these questions in our next chapter until then my friends sleep well [Music] [Music] so [Music] so [Music] so [Music] do [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: NapalmX717

Views: 68,333

Keywords:

Id: Q5poWL_HcdA

Length: 176min 14sec (10574 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 12 2021