S05 Ep05: Are You in an Identity Crisis?

we are living in a generation that is experiencing a massive identity crisis and what we don't realize in our battlegrounds is that so much of what we're dealing with wrestling with struggling with goes back to do you know who you really are are you living powerfully out of that and most people if you were to look at what they're struggling with they either have lost a sense of who they are or they never had it to begin with so hello I'm mark DeJesus I'm here with my wife Melissa and this is transformed you and we want to talk about the subject of what it means to lose a sense of who you are and how that's affecting us and we're going to talk about seven signs that you're going through a personal identity crisis in your own life so when I look at this subject and I look at the importance of this and I would say that of all the subjects we deal with and healing of the heart transformation of the mind and seeing transformative relationships identity is so important I talk about it in probably every writing I do there's a sense of identity I found myself at various stages of recognizing I had an identity issue in my life and why is it that it takes so much time for people to understand that their battleground is one of an identity issue why is it that it takes so much for believers to understand this is really what they're facing and this is what they really need to work through well I think it would help if you start by giving people a good understanding especially in today's culture where the word identity is being hijacked what true identity means and or maybe take a step back and let's talk about why we're struggling with identity yeah that's and that's a because it's being missing the word identity is being misunderstood in the culture today in a very bad way correct over the years it's getting progressively worse in confusion in understanding and generation after generation is losing the sense of identity at the core of who you are and if I was to explain identity it's where you get your worth value it's the center compass of where you what you hang your sense of esteem and value off of and for most people that is based on their work it's based on a sense of success it's based on their parenting title title many different things that their image and those things are very shallow to hold someone in an identity and when God looks at us first of all we are his creation he created us he formed in fashioned us as believers in Christ Jesus he's given us identity as sons daughters of God and that is the core identity but most of us have not really understood what does it mean to just simply be loved by God and live confidently out of being his child and so what causes the identity issue to begin with is that you know who you are when a father gives you that understanding so the enemy has over the decades and over a very long battle plan he's taken out the father's voice in many different ways broke in the heart of a man not allowed him to find healing who he is so then that pours out to the woman that he is given charge to cover to guard over to present leadership to she also struggles with a sense of knowing who she is that trickles down to the children so the children are confused and lost in that or they perform for daddys love they try to do things to earn daddy and mommy's affection they become performers or they self reject and they're just always beating themselves up combination of both meanwhile we're investing our time and energy not in who we are we're investing our time and energy and stuff that we do to hopefully find a sense of identity and worth so the average per if they're honest the average person spends most of their time investing in a skill a role a thing that they do and they're lost in it so that creates the identity crisis and then we add on that people today just don't is don't even know who they are from a simple standpoint of gender yeah gender battles and struggles with understanding sexualities understanding yes what is it what is what is a man what is a woman that it's lost as well - and this is systemic going back to the father's role that's where it starts that it's worked begins and why is that well it's modeled by God Himself who says he is a father and he modeled it with Jesus when Jesus was baptized the father tells him this is who you are and he didn't say I love you you are the Messiah right now is that an aspect of who Jesus is of course right he came as the Messiah he is our Lord and Savior but the father didn't say that the father says this is my son this is my boy this is my that's who you are and I love you and I'm proud of you that's that's what he establish so that's what a father is meant to do so Satan knows he knows this so when he was working to tempt Jesus and attack Jesus in the wilderness because Jesus has that experience he goes into the wilderness and he knows there's not much leverage here mm-hmm he's not gonna like hey you want to get drunk hey you want to go to a strip club hey you wanna he's not gonna get much leverage there but he if there's any chance in being able to compromise Jesus's journey it was questioned who he is and and and Satan did that in the Garden questioned who God is to Eve challenges who God is in this situation Satan challenges who Jesus is and so I believe that's exactly what he's using as an arm again words are by saying if you are the son of God and I think that's that's the thing that is such under attack who you are as God's child right it's so important and I you know it's a it's a tough topic sometimes in a lot of ways because we're bringing out the understanding of how deep the father role is and yes we understand that you know in today's society women have been left as single moms there's a there's a you know um Joyce's where children are born out of wedlock and mothers are doing it on their own and there's there's a lot of scenarios where women you know are going well I'm trying to find my identity and I don't have a man in my life right and we want to talk about that but we can't talk about that unless we address this aspect first because it's the order it's the order that's laid out in the Bible it's the order that should be here on earth it's why we're seeing the destruction of the family society etc etc so we we cannot talk about all these other things unless we talk about this topic first and we aren't we understand I understand that people are doing it alone and you're like but I don't have that and I got me and that's it and we're gonna talk about that but we have to establish first this breakdown because this is crucial and I believe once that you know men start understanding their role as sons and fathers and brothers in Christ which that is a whole aspect to of helping people to feel safe and the church and Families and all those things once we start establishing that and healing that then we're gonna start seeing I believe people being more confident safe secure in their identities then mother teacher you know businessman all those things are secondary they're dis icing on the cake once you really understand who you are as God's child and the restoration of it begins with I think realizing the most of the battlegrounds that people have and and many of things you're going through is a disconnect with understanding who you are you're disconnected from being hardwired into it or you never knew it at all and and and and making that connection is important whether it's a mental health battle it's a discouragement battle it is a temptation battle it is a relationship battle there's a loss of the love and value of who you really are as a child not and all that other stuff and I think just recognizing that first so for example when you and I got married in 2006 we stepped out and started a ministry from scratch basically and felt like God was really putting in our hearts a message of the importance of healing the heart restoring relationships and and really the body of Christ doing business with each other working on our stuff we had got lost in a success achievement church growth getting people saved oh ok things are not saying they're evil but we got lost and we lost who we are and and and an AIESEC certainly did and in my healing journey we launched out now when we launched out we had a belief in a sense of this is where we're going this is what's happening and there was some massive disappointment because it didn't take off the way we thought it would and I even had to go work side jobs in many different times and one of them was construction I would go and I'd work on construction teams was about 2 or 3 different people that I knew that I was able to work construction so here I am and I'm like God I'm going out and I'm gonna reach people's hearts this is what we're gonna do and and and boy I believe in it's burning in me and now here's where I am and I remember like driving and one of the particular ones I had to drive like an hour and 15 hour and 20 minutes each way and I remember myself like at times just like crying like what's going on like how did I end up here and the only thing I could really give a sense back from God about what was going on is I want to I want to show you who you really are cuz I grew up where you know 18 years of age I'm already in a ministry role and have a chance to really iron out who I really was so ministry became my identity and most people that are in a pastoral role or in some kind of church ministry role they are lost in that their identity is tied to that boy that's so dangerous it's it's a it's a setup for for lack of health and and so in this moment I realize okay as I'm hammering the nails lifting these beams you know working my muscles to the bone this isn't just about you know getting a paycheck this isn't about supplying for the family this is about me relearning and there is even a season where I did some computer work for a while and kind of same thing where it's like God where is this all leading to and it all went back to I didn't know who I was and there was a rediscovery my role that I was used to was taken away and so I think for people if your role is taken away I would see that as a blessing more than as a failure as a failure because it's a great opportunity for you to rediscover who you are and it was during that time were pounding the nails cutting the boards you know listening and and trying to work with you know what the head guy was wanting to build it was like know there's a rediscovery of Who I am of really being comfortable in my own skin liking who God made me to be and rediscovering that so I found there's been rounds of that and stages of that well when something like isn't happening isn't like working the way you you think you want it to that's the rediscovery of identity and I tell people this all the time if you feel like nothing's happening and man you're just like you're struggling you're discouraged get back to basics Who am I take a sentence put your name in it who is for example who is Mark DeJesus and that's and that's been a journey over and over again of rediscovering that because I wasn't equipped in sonship so therefore my identity was always wrapped up in two things what I did and how well I did it you know and and and that that's a very dangerous thing to hang your hat on especially if you're very successful if you're very successful in business that can be a real recipe for disaster because you get lost in the success and the allure of it and the dopamine rush it gives you that I find sometimes God has to go let's pull this back a little bit not because I'm cursing you because I actually love you and this is going to end badly because everything just works for you and Jesus said this before we get into like the seven signs jesus said this he says what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his own soul right but I think that we use that scripture to like what does it profit you if you have a big business and you're successful and you go to hell that's kind of how we communicate right I want to look at it a little bit deeper because soul really talks about it's like the composite of the grid of who you've become right it's like your thinking your belief systems it's it's who you are spiritually and and biologically it's like all this is stored in the soul right so it's like let me just kind of rephrase it for a second just for thought what does it profit you to gain the whole world and lose your identity and I think that's where we are and and it's now getting worse and worse where even the simplest of things are now in confusion because you know even down to people you know don't know how to do relationships because they don't know who they are they don't know how to do conflict resolution because they don't know who they are they don't know how to be confident they don't know who they are I mean the list just goes on and on so anyways now well I think when we're talking about identity the whole foundation is shaken right you know so we have to go to the foundation right we can't patch this right so okay let's get into what the seven signs are that it would help to maybe start looking in and saying okay what's going on with me I'm feeling this I'm that okay this is an area this identity thing is something I need to take a look at I think the first thing is that a warning sign there's just a little thing on the dashboard just gonna go pay attention to this is you're only comfortable in a role that you have when you're outside of that role you're shaky meaning that what you do for a living maybe you do that and then you shine and you're awesome maybe as a mom it's like wow you really know how to like operate in that when you're outside of that it's almost like you're taken out of your element you don't know what to do with yourself right which is really the day and age of Instagram and doing you know live streaming videos and setting up things like people have their phone in their hand oh can I record this and show people and see how many like this is where the setup for today's culture has come from yeah so you so for example in that case live for a month without the phone or live for a week okay or try a weekend or try one day right people people realize it's their time you know they're addicts and you know they say well I'll put the Instagram on the second page so that I don't like see it first and it's like no you go to it anyways so the problem is is because we have spent our lives we're empty we don't realize we're empty we don't know we who we are we don't realize we don't know who we are but we're unfulfilled so we try to look for finding a sense of identity in what we do that's one of the primary mechanisms we do that so we invest ourselves in the role ro le the role a role that you have responsibilities it's not who you are it's a role now I'd like to differentiate that so for example what are some of my roles you know husband father teacher author I consult with people coach people write friend who go on and on nope that's not none of those things are Who I am Who I am is I'm a son of God and for people if they're really honest they don't know what that really means because they've never been invested in that and knowing what it means to be unconditionally loved so that's why the the the crashes we're seeing are a signal rediscover what you didn't receive and so I tell people this all the time I think this is why Jesus said you got to be born again you got to start this thing over you got to get back to what it means to just be a kid be a toddler be just be loved in that and then develop each stage into maturity out of that I think that's where God has a lot of us and we don't want to do that so we just keep going the performance mode we keep the show the show must go on and it's like really the show could stop yeah the show is not you know all the planet Earth is not weighing upon you to keep this show going yeah and but we believe the lie so that's sign number one is that you know you're you're uncomfortable outside of a role so if you're at a gathering let's say you went to a gathering where you were not allowed to tell somebody what you do for a living that wouldn't freak out that would be that's what you depend on what do you do oh yeah this is what I do and giving your resume and talking about that right what's your gut out right and so maybe you want to even experiment like try having some interactions where you don't immediately go into that and and and just get to learn about other people beyond just roles and learn to just hear who people are and there talk about yeah good challenges don't talk about yourself when you're in a situation ask the other person questions about them what makes them tick that's a whole aspect of rejection we'll deal with that another yeah so number two I would say of a warning sign is when the role that you have that you're highly invested in is lost or or it changes drastically or even somewhat it collapses you right so this is what forms the midlife crisis this is what empty nest syndrome yeah parents go through this all the time they're so highly invested as parents which is good but they they ever invested in who they are because powerful parenting is managing who you are as a son or daughter getting out of that giving out of that living out of that because then you now replicate that in your children you replicate you don't replicate what you want you replicate who you are so you want your kids to be does it add up well that's it they're really gonna replicate what your identity that has been deposited in their life so maybe you're lost in your parenting role don't know if you are you're lost in a job in a career a big a big one that's a that's a signal for a nervous breakdown to is just getting lost in your ministry role and that becomes the only thing that that leaving a lot of people do that to down to the point of they aren't even cleaning their own homes and they're severely neglecting themselves because someone so needs me I got to go to the I got to go to the hospital and we do it all in the name of like loving other people when really it's not you're you're doing it for affirmation and you're not loving yourself at all that is not proper order at all well they don't you know it can be easy to to focus on those things and look at neglecting yourself as a sacrifice like I'm I'm doing this for God and he and really what you're doing smart or dumb really it's like and you're ignorant you're ignoring you're ignoring the simplicity of just being able to and that's why people this I believe it's one of the biggest reasons why people are frustrated in their time with God because they're in that role operation mode they don't know how to sit as you know when you when you know you're loved by your dad you love being with him to just be with him not just get something from him right it's like I just love being around him that's when you see when you see a daughter or a son expressed yeah just gonna go hang out with my dad they just love that don't matter what what's going on now it's a bonus if they're doing something cool or fun but just being with creates a fulfilment so we don't know how to spend time with God because we're always in a role and we approach God out of the role because that's where your focus on a need God bring the finances bring the connections help me to find a better job help me to do this and and and so we're always operating out of that God help me with my kid my daughter my son's rebelling of this and those prayers are not evil but that's where we spend all our time with God and then we're real up wondering why we're unfulfilled and then most people just don't even bother they don't honestly bother with a devotional life anyways because it's just not fulfilling they're not getting anything out of it and and and so I I'm in my in my journey the rege rounding is I need to learn the simplicity of sonship and what does it mean to relate to my dad in that way and to enjoy my connection with him not because I'm doing great things or because I'm so special this special person helping special people in a special way I just I'm just loved by him and and and and keep me grounded and connected to that whether I'm whether I'm doing great in my role or not I want to be hardwired into that that's really good so number three is this is kind of tricky because you need you lose your sense of self-awareness but you jump into passions or you jump into things that are not really how you're made this is tricky because you know other people watch and it's like yeah yeah and there's an expression of things that's like now this is this is and and this is a tragedy because then you have situations where people say well I feel called to this and this is what I'm gonna do and no one's bearing witness bearing witness to it and then their wisdom is off and they're like well those people are just haters and it's like it's like oh no this is this is a train wreck and and when we when we're in an identity crisis we often will pick something to kind of lunge into I'm gonna do this and we put all our energy into I'm gonna build this business or I'm gonna start this I'm gonna go into this I'm not saying it's wrong what I'm saying is you're not seeing the issue issue is don't know who I am because we have to reverse the sequence people they try to find their identity through their calling okay so I'm gonna go do this and then I'll discover who I am once I am successful in that mm-hmm you discover who you are and live out of that now God will use your your direction that you're going in or whatever your as the discipleship arena the incubator to go on into to who you are who you are but we also we don't we don't lean into that we're so focused on the success or we're so focused on that yeah so what else do we see is warning signs of identity crisis well I think a big thing that I think happens to people is you start to get like an obsessive kind of way of living and that can go into all different kinds of directions there's a lack of safety a lot of confusion and people you know whether it's from overeating to binge watching to addictions to all those kinds of things we just get an obsessiveness in us to fill a need and that need is really to feel secure in who we are and we're avoiding it by going into all these other things and filling something that really only got in heaven can fell so to summarize that what you just said we become highly vulnerable to addictive correct because even obsessive things is a sign of addictions we become very vulnerable to addictive patterns so you know it's the CE o who now is has an alcohol problem it's the pastor who's now having marital you know affairs or is you you know and I hate to use just the drastic ones because then people go well I'm not having that so I'm okay well it's like it's the binge eating at night it's the at the end of your day you kind of look at what what do you use when your day is over and things are closing what does the end of your day involve yeah I think a good word is escapism - is a good word escapism with you're trying to fill a void of some kind and we're not content you know we all do it and sometimes they're just as a time where you go you gotta unplug watch a couple movies laughs we're not talking about that we're talking about like you're saying you had maybe a high intense day and the end of the day you're like I don't even want to think I don't want it like what are you doing to fill the needs of your heart that really need to be replenished in the area of love and relationship that we are avoiding or we don't know how to do when we're awkward in it so we're like yeah that's too hard I'm gonna just do this instead yeah because the the addictive escape habit is a quick thing working on identity takes time and so it's like it's hard and it's really yucky sometimes cuz it's facing pain it's facing things that you probably haven't even really thought about you know um I was watching somebody who's pretty popular he tours and he does stuff about you know relationships and people and a lot about identity too and he talked about trauma and understanding that when you're four you're not thinking about traumas happening to you most of the time you're not thinking about wow my dad's not a good day I'm six and you know my dad and mom are fighting all the time you're not really thinking about that till then you fast forward later in life and you're going oh my gosh I can't function what's going on with me most of us don't have the emotional intelligence to go okay wow it's X that hat we don't really naturally go to that and think about it most people don't I mean do you think I'm wrong you're a hundred percent right yeah I don't think we do so anyways go ahead yeah the I I think a healthy pattern is as you get older each transition is an opportunity to reflect and go what needs what needs some attention to because yeah up until age 12 you're not think of any of that from 12 to 18 you're still not thinking of that no your your in your your cultivating your survival modes and then even into your 20s it's still not totally registering it's not until maybe late 20s that you start realizing in a personal way yeah this kind of stuff effected or which I think the majority of people do and I've discussed this in past episodes what's wrong with me we don't look at our life and take it in as a whole we do in a general sense I think like yeah maybe I grew up with an alcoholic dad and whatever like we in a general sense I don't think everybody's naive so I don't want to come across like that but I think that like we don't really take in the full scope of what we lived under we don't sometimes step back and go wow my mom had these patterns and I don't know how to receive nurture like we don't think about it unless you're a pursuer of health and wholeness and you're like let me start digging into reading and understand what's going on with me the arrows go right back what's wrong with me and yes we need to have self-reflection and we need to like look at those things and what are my patterns but we need to take in our whole story that's very important very important because and I and I think that's the the rise of counselors in therapists has come as a result of that of people not having that in their family so they got a look to a source and really even the church does the same thing we outsource this right to counselors and therapists but really this is a healthy thing to kind of process hey I'm struggling with this okay well you know you know sometimes just having a friend to talk through well what was what was your dad like you know what was that area like now that it needs to be like I'm an expert in breaking down what your problem is sometimes we just need to share here's what I've been through here so I'm processing and that's been lost in a culture so you take that aspect it's lost and now you're inserting this gospel that we're teaching that is like don't look at your past just move forward don't pay attention to that you know that creates a lot of confusion cuz people are like I'm trying to move forward but I I feel this like limp what do I do with it oh it's not there you know it's like oh my goodness so I think that it's important to recover in your relationships the the the sitting down reflection being able to I think tribal community has been lost and we've talked about that before which is that's a topic that kind of gets like you know in in in the world right now should you be tribal shouldn't you be but there is an element of that that's healthy and good but even that think about that for a second tribal gatherings are around some kind of cause that becomes the identity right so I am in a group that protests this right now that's my identity right it's not your identity so what I'm encouraging is tribal restoration where you belong simply because of who you are as God's child I am your brother and you're my sister or whatever and and and we're we value each other because we were God's children the simplicity of that I relate to you not because I'm your minister I relate to you not because I'm I'm I'm servicing alone I'm here you know we have gatherings that are solely around for brothers and sisters and and and how can we how can we restore the simplicity of your valuable because you're loved yeah which I think runs into one of our points about relationships depth that relationships don't run deep there are not depth in relationships which then brings up the the you know the understanding the lack of emotional intelligence and where we're all struggling in this arena and giving words to what you're feeling and helping people talk out what is exactly going on inside of you there's you know we had a friend years ago that was a clinical clinician and really a big thing for clinicians just to sit and listen psychologists like to sit and listen most people don't even know what to bring to the table except for I know I just feel like a mess I feel horrible right right it's true and so I think we are relate that in that and that you bring up a sign where we are number five five your relationships don't run deep that's that's a sign that you're an identity crisis because there's a fear that people will find out who you really are and that's scary or they might find out okay but you don't know who you are right or behind scarier yeah behind the success behind the role it's like I'm really struggling now here's what God says about that that's okay but we're not comfortable in that so we kind of keep our relationships at a place there's a fear of intimacy you don't like being asked now you mentioned ask people questions to other sums many times people don't like that because it's like that's uncomfortable beyond just the hey I'm doing this kind of shell that we portray because everybody has a you know what psychology would call like a persona what is a persona it's how you present yourself to the world so it's sometimes important to ask how much of that is really me when no one's around and how much of that is something that I only put on and then I take it off you know once the crowds gone I think that's a good question I know that's something that I struggled with when you're around people and you you know you perform or you're the funny person or you're this you're that and then you go home and you're spinning you're spinning because that's not really you and you put on something to feel accepted or to just get through it's which I know I've done a lot just to kind of get through and come out the other side and go okay time to go home you know and I made it through and I invested a lot of time in in what you're talking about like post evaluation of that of that persona like how did I how did I do what maybe I should have said that maybe I should that's because and I'm I'm hiper assessing my my presentation of Who I am and not just me being just practicing my real identity and just living out of that and realizing the pressures off like I don't need to I don't need to put on so I don't need to perform something it it doesn't mean that you don't you know act excited passionate you don't you know get excited about what you're doing it means that the investment is beyond just that thing you put on because that is exhausting in the long haul to set up for burnout that whole scenario speaks back to our original understanding of you being okay to sit with your father and be comfortable there is that power of security it goes beyond words it goes beyond words and so we're all acting like weirdos and manifesting crazy stuff because we have no idea what real safety being just okay to sit really feels like it could make me like sob hysterically for hours everybody is manifesting this everybody which yeah it leads to number six right of that signs you're an identity crisis is you have a constant restlessness that doesn't allow you to settle unless something's going on and and I I've struggled with that many times where life can have a buzz to it and if we're not careful we live in that buzz and and having any sense of stillness is uncomfortable unless you have something going on something pulling you or something that you have to do and I've had to learn at many different layers like okay this is recovery of Who I am and that restlessness is a sign you've got to grieve some stuff that that you've not processed right and recover the simplicity of being loved as God's child I think that's a big thing that people are having you know breakdowns in their life and then you realize they're gonna break down you don't know and so last I think number seven which is not like these are all like it's not like if you have all seven or if you have some I'm like saying if you see any of these they could one of them can be enough to say pay attention to this but number seven being there's a lot of double mindedness and an instability in your thoughts and directions choices decisions you're just you're just kind of finding yourself waffling between two opinions a lot and and not being able to land and like this is what I believe this is where I'm headed this is Who I am when there's a constant swing back and forth it's a sign of that and and that comes out of the father not bestowing that to you the father helps instill in you the confidence in who you are so that when you make steps you're like this is right this is wrong this is healthy this is not healthy this is what I believe this is what you know there's clarity in that and and there's a were manifesting a lack of clarity that if you sit down and like ask someone who they are where they're headed there's a lot of fogginess and I'm not saying you have to have it like all like your answer is perfect it's like there's not a lot to pull from it's a sign that the father didn't do that so now trying to receive that from father God it's very difficult so Christians tend to stay at like a Jesus interaction level they don't know how to go to the Father and receive that identity because Jesus is our Lord and Savior but he's the weight of the Father and he's our elder brother and when you see Jesus he's manifesting this is what dad is like so go to dad I'm gonna I'm gonna help you but I'm not gonna do it for you that's a good brother right he's like I'm not gonna live your life walking with you right doing life with you right but go to dad get that identity got that right so I guess that's where the application starts I think is like if you look at this and go okay what do I do it's got to start with you gotta get to know the father you've got to get to know him you got to get to know what a good father is you've got to learn where your father hang-ups are that don't allow you to go deeper and if your like first of all if you're like I'm good with this you're in denial and you probably need some teaching and some help because we all have areas of this that God needs to renew to heal to restore to to build up what would you suggest to somebody who they are realizing yeah this is this is me a lot of this is me what do I do well for my own journey and I think that in a way to reiterate what you're saying is I think we need to take a look at go over the store like I said taken the full picture of your story what are the themes in your life in looking back you go yep all right I see that I see where my mom was afraid of my dad the atmosphere I grew up in created this I never felt secure so now when I'm looking towards a father in heaven my lens is one of fear my lens is one of I can't go talk to him because he's gonna just either ignore me or shoo me away or my dad wouldn't want to speak to me unless I had good grades what are the themes over your life and we need to start there's no way around this we need to start confronting our father wounds and start letting father in heaven heal us there's no way around it for me it's it's that is the heart of the matter right now we are all deeply broken on walking out how to be a kid are before our Father in Heaven to enjoy life to be present in it to be full of love and have that love flow out of us we are all struggling in this area and if you say you're not I'm calling you a liar right okay well we're all struggling in some aspect of this and we all need healing Jesus came to heal us and show us who God really is we need to start taking in the full picture of what that looks like so that's my thing like I'm dead mine I'm very serious about this you know because even and I want to just go aback and address my point from the beginning about women are who are going you know I'm alone I don't have a man in my life this is one of the big problems the this is this is what's happening in the home is the man is being taken out you cannot remove the man from the home what a father means you cannot remove that there will be collateral damage yes there are women I know there's some women that are like but I don't have anybody and I understand that but there's still an element this is why the church needs to get healed this is why we need more healing and family so that we can see brothers in Christ stepping in and filling roles this is a huge piece of families being healed and made whole and people being made whole yeah and it and and no matter where you are you can begin with going okay it is about me healing my lens of father God absolutely and we're so big on those those roles so to speak or those those because they're references father son daughter sister brother that if you notice all the Bibles two terms are centered around human relationship so even when God says you come into the kingdom you're born again you become a child right you those who are led by the Spirit of God their sons of God then we are the family of God brothers is Jesus's elder brother father there's all these so when we approach God father is a reference right it's right there boom comes to the surface and it drives your way of life without you realizing it so for many people they just ignore it because it's awkward right brother what's brother mean to you right so that's why we spend so much time on inviting God to heal because in order for there to be healthy movement sometimes our references in terminology need tweaking right right so even like the word love do you know you're loved it's like well love is a weak word sometimes and its power gets lost because it's like well I love the Yankees I love pizza love my wife like wait a second you know hey we lost the depth of it so allowing God to heal the references that's one a first part of my journey was what is a good father what is a good father what does it mean to be a good father you can sing the song you are a good good father it's who you are but what does that mean are you really connecting to that like what are you connected ah but what does it mean so for example like for many people it's like I serve a good father cuz my life is going good and when life's not enough money in the bank account and when life is going bad I can't sing it because why are you so okay so God forsaken me right now we are associating what it means to have a good father is is is distorted right so I think I'll just kind of jump on to a thing I think is very helpful is if you're if you're bearing witness to anything that we said today I think it'd be helpful free to spend some time apart from that role that you have that you're so highly invested in like that job or that thing now if you're a mom or your dad I'm not saying like go away from your family you know that that part is tricky but it's like a vocation or something you volunteer in that you get so much affirmation in but it's it's dangerous you need to step back and kind of go Who am I apart from that you know that's why I think sabbaticals are so important those kind of things because you disconnect from that thing pulling on you all the time and and rediscover who am i apart from that but as a parent I think we discover this - it's like while I'm parenting my children I want to I want to exercise my sonship with them meaning that I'm learning to figure that out as I go and I want to teach them what I'm what I've learned well I've noticed for myself when I'm like what do I got to do for them and I make it all about what I got to do for them what do I got to do for them I'm stuck I get have like this brain that just I can't think when I invest time in myself and cultivate my relationship with the Lord I have a thought like I have these creative things that come out of me that I'm like well why don't I do this more often and I'm in the process of that you know but I it it's true and what you put your energy towards then you can give out of and that's the missing piece here of what we're doing in life anything else that you think would be helpful I don't what about you I think a simple exercise for those of you that are like journal errs or you're you you need something very practical is write a sentence at the top of a piece of paper who is and put your name there and start writing down who what your answers are for that and I I say this with caution though because many people can do this and they can be very like theological I'm a child of God I'm more than a conqueror and it kind of becomes it becomes cliche stuff that they say but there's no connection to it so maybe you could start off by going what you believed you are that you're not how to start with that well you know who I am and and you may want to start with things you believed about yourself that have hindered your identity that you're forgotten that you're you know you get the short end of the stick all the time your or maybe your identity is wrapped up in your problem so like you're going through sickness and the sickness has become your identity to fall into that yeah or your your marital problems or your drama becomes your identity and now that it's not there you make up drama because you're comfortable with that right me we definitely people fall out a lot with addictions and they tell you to like a lot of the time you know if you can separate from the person you were with I mean not when there's marriage and kids but that's a whole different story but if you're with an addict whatever you're used to the addiction you're used to the drama I think a very healthful reap that other the hardcover to resources I would highly recommend would be first in a very it's a short read it's available on our website experiencing God's love as your father this is available in hardcover and as well as in a digital format and also an audio and this great gift it's a fantastic gift it's a simple read gives you some simple exercises you can walk through in experiencing and understanding that and then segue into an important resource of exposing the rejection mindset because now because we don't know we're loved we don't know who we are rejection has a way now of infiltrating and messing up the whole picture I highly recommend those two resources as a start for recovery because we're wanting help people to recognize the identity issue but also give you like here's some things that you can work on to start cultivating a new pattern and and and seeing some new things and allowing yourself to go this is gonna take time you know just discover who you are in a seminar you you you have to walk it out and I I've had a number of groups contacting me they're going through this book exposing the rejection mindset together and and all my books going forward are gonna be written in such a way that there's prayer and there's questions to give room for dialogue because we need to like talk with each other and share and find like find our way in it I find discussion is one of the most powerful places where transformation can occur just talking it out and and letting our words be seasoned with salt so that were we're enhancing the flavor in each other right yeah and visit our website because there's so many articles that you've written on this topic and you know just punch in the word and you'll pull up a ton of a ton of articles to get your hands on to that are really helpful yeah we and if and if what we're doing is a blessing to your life consider becoming a partner and and supporting this work on a regular basis you can certainly do a one-time donation but we're really calling for people to join a regular partnership to help us leverage these resources to help us to continue to provide powerful works in people's lives we even provide personal coaching we provide many different avenues that can help you in what God is doing in your life so we pray this was a help I know it was for me yes did you help yourself great absolutely great I helped myself today if anything I help myself grow to another level so be blessed enjoy it we'll see you guys next time on transformed you thank you everyone you

Channel: Mark DeJesus

Views: 1,479

Rating: 4.9333334 out of 5

Keywords: Identity, Rejection, Exposing the Rejection Mindset

Id: L6DhvRDoviA

Length: 50min 44sec (3044 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 03 2019