Russell Kane

that was anyone who's 17 in a room give me a cheer love you any of those any of those blokes because you're the ones that are gonna have the problem right because you're about to choose your first car right now I don't even care if you've been working since the age of 14 in a Saturday job and saved up every penny for yourself right to pay for that car if the alpha male is around just let him buy it have no input don't even comment everything will be a test right because whatever you buy wherever you choose we pile of [ __ ] deathtrap wasting money you saw my Vauxhall Corsa alright he walked up to you and went you'll die in there even managing to be racist about cars WTF right he said do not bring Jack crap onto my driveway crap [ __ ] cuz he's caught his man's vehicles any the white band of transit full of tall schhwaff ego really yeah Spanish what's the difference when you're filling in the slot I don't know papa Jeremy ass he's one of them saw Williams on Phillips lock Phillips got the white van powered by diesel of course what else would it be powered by diesel is the fuel of men and then eventually eventually after years of manual labor hard work and saving he gets the dream car the black diesel automatic Mercedes right what born credit don't be ridiculous rely on no one save four years until all pleasure is removed from the future purchase you ready to buy the thing and [ __ ] hike it because you had to sign for it promptly that diesel of course or even sounds like diesel my dad I bet my mom has any sex toys they're probably powered by diesel even he sounds like when he's formulating his next right wing forward and I choose the car that's called the biggest arguments ever the Toyota Prius the Toyota Prius look at the intake of breath from some of the Gary's and Dave's in the room yeah Marty no she what harm am i doing anyone you can be as angry as you like about Green taxes if you don't believe in climate change Fair Play you've got a point I'm doing no one any harm if I want to waste my money on a half electric half petrol car and drive to the airport five times a year fly to Australia but look I'm doing home in my hybrid right but worst I'm a hypocrite but the anger is also my dad why do you wanna try that [ __ ] or you're a comedian you could have anything you want for the birds and impress them and you drive a car it's not only is it half petrol right that alone is glee boxer enough but it's half electric the noise it used to make when I drove off from Sunday lunch even that would have been see you next week for Sunday lunch box get it there any Prius drivers in the room any look no they won't put their hands up I can't think of the planets and the energy I'd be using okay stop the car look a daisy groves look suckle from me Anna I crashed it I'm surprised the insurance isn't free on the toyota prius we're so boring just drive on you won't crash it's impossible I did 70 miles now Bank if I'd not had my Bell King rubber sheath on my iPhone might not be here on the hard shoulder called my mom straightaway you right rough let's now you're okay you're a common gets casually calm internet nothing from my dad nothing not even not even a text message maybe you couldn't manage it with primordial stumps stop texting why what's wrong it's because we can't spell riki turning up in courtesy car the courtesy car was a purple Nissan Micra this did not he wants to think I just play to it now I drop my keys sorry daddy what nothing and you know the weirdest thing of all guy he was waiting at the front of the property Garret he's waiting like that he was waiting to greet me he didn't know what time exactly I was arriving those do you look right with a dad like mine if you are now an adult count you will need one hand the amount of times the Alpha comes out of the nest to greet you upon arrival does not happen you my mum comes out you must go inside to seek out the Alpha in study or garden or office often with the silverback facing you as you approach fire you have to chuck a pooja show his dominance not this time though he was there chest facing me waiting to greet me the Outland honor this is bad because it was mock it was mock love I could see the smile on his face he's pre-prepared what he wanted to say probably thinking about since Thursday right Anna his Sunday and I got out of the car hi dad you turn that tech north and just thank God he was in the sort of you know what Boise Superman position like that first noise was a laugh like a machine gun I swear to god this is what he came out he must have been preparing it for about three days he just said this turned around and went straight into the hallway Oh crashed the Toyota Prius s dead well it's zero emissions now innit boy hi when abroad Australia got to fly first class for the first time right it's unbelievable guys anyone flown first or business it's better than you can freakin imagine and there's an unlimited buffet that's the thing that shocked me when I've walked in tray of unlimited food a table of it oh brother it's just what's the thought of most people in this room when you see a buffet and I'm not talking about ISIL and prawn rings here all right this is champagne caviar this is the works first-class as much as you can get down you everyone in this room is thinking nicotine ikut field of poppies you can't you're about to get on a plane my old man that's trained me and James my brother he trained us on all-you-can-eat Chinese we were trained on that because of my energy levels I've always been able to eat a freakish amount of food and I've always looked young for mice when I was 12 I was tiny but could eat a man's meal the pride on my dad's face that I could do him over for the 795 child price is to make me stretching the garden stretch boy [ __ ] stretch stretch children's prices who do em right look at it comes to prawn crackers no thank you mate we're not [ __ ] idiots no the all-you-can-eat buffets uni I've got cool I've got call my mum and share it with I can't yet afford to do ridiculous things like that can't fly my mum to Australia I'm falling so I've got my mum up on the order on the laptop moving like that Liam because I talk that's the one about recent lovely three days we've spent together was teaching my mum how to use a laptop from scratch anyone else joyous experience right amongst middle-aged ladies in this room if you can use a computer you've been taught by the generation hardly any middle-aged men wasn't invented when I was young doesn't count right it's not important if it didn't exist when I was in my prime well women I want to learn it Helena's on the internet and Lynne and I bought my mom a laptop she cried with happiness cuz it was mean isn't home believe you got me a laptop alright listen I'm not a violent man at all Paris I'm a general silly human being that's why I've got into theater however those three days where I teach my laptop through on button internet Facebook Twitter as she still calls it right it's the closest I've ever come to closing my fist right losing a punch so powerful to the side of someone's head it detaches without any blood lucky enough still with the same expression on her face what is this spice bar put into a document spicy sweet what did you think it was a semicolon kicking the torso after this so I did it I'm in first class I'm fine tomorrow you Skype she's on the old Skype and everything get me on skype rustle Skype a she called me on the sky thing right and there's my mom but without my right against the web camera little computer man mommy help me come to mommy I can't mom back up she uh she backed away from it you know like when a rainforest villager is seen in the first time ruff-ruff cha what's worse class this is the chavies thing almost endearing depending on where you come from I didn't know how to put it into words so with everyone else in first class looking on a table they barely noticed I just flipped my computer around and Skype the entire buffet - Maria the [ __ ] is gone I'm living it salmon

Channel: Nightsurfer2005

Views: 183,250

Rating: 4.8746986 out of 5

Keywords: comedy, stand-up, Russell Kane (Comedian), Comedian (Profession)

Id: s4_IHCYDva4

Length: 10min 15sec (615 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 01 2013