r/PettyRevenge - He Farted so bad... I made him SUFFER...

what's up guys welcome to daily dose of reddit this is your host zach and today's subreddit is our slash petty revenge this story is called noisy neighbors get paid in kai i live in a very old building each floor has three apartments and the middle one where i also live only has windows in the living room in the bedroom between the kitchen and the bathroom there is a ventilator which is like a vertical tube that runs through all building floors and the kitchen and bathroom have small windows toward that area it goes without saying that soundproofing was not the first thing in mind when this was designed overall the building is rather quiet and even though i don't know my neighbors i think we all have the unspoken understanding that we should all try to be quiet when possible but even when some resident needs to be loud for some reason it's usually okay because it's not recurring all residents but the two that live directly below me these people keep their internal windows open at all times it's fine to hear the occasional dialogue i mean they are in their house but they always chill there and sometimes yell to each other or their kids minor and petty stuff the kids are adults and yell back worst of all they don't keep their bathroom window closed while they're using it so we are blessed with the whole symphony it's kind of disgusting and i always have headphones on when i'm in the kitchen window closed but sometimes i just have to have it open for some time and then they strike again recently an opportunity presented itself i got sick a few days ago stummybug but you know with everything going on i should be extra careful at all times right i should ventilate all my spaces and i should have the bathroom always accessible then came last sunday sunday is usually a big deal for families here and they were having their children over i was feeling a tiny bit better and timed my attack at the time of their lunch with family all my agony was worth it when i heard one of the kids go freaking seriously and some pretend gagging noises hope that teaches them to close their windows every once in a while add it to the people that gilded this story thank you all so much and to everyone i'm very glad albeit a little concerned that this post potentially made you laugh uh that's some pretty good revenge gave them a taste of their own medicine and i'm curious to see if that worked maybe they just weren't aware of the lack of privacy or something like maybe they just didn't know that people could hear them pooping i don't know this story's called so you're not in a hurry okay then i guess you don't need to overtake right a bit of context right hand drive country rightmost lane on the freeway is the fast overtaking lane and you're to give way to faster vehicles regardless of how fast they're going even if you're at the speed limit basically you have no right to police anyone's speed as a civilian unfortunately half the drivers here will happily hog the right lane even with a road ahead clear and justify it as being within the speed limit totally ignoring the rule about giving way it's almost a daily occurrence and frankly it's frustrating because these guys just like to be on the fast lane without actually being fast so they choke up everyone else behind it's not uncommon to see a whole line of drivers picking up when that one hogger ahead finally changes lane not because he realized how selfish he was but simply because it was time for him to exit so anyway there i was driving home today when i see this driver doing exactly that in fact he was easily 10 below the limit no one ahead for a long way some traffic on the left two lanes so it wasn't exactly an empty freeway either i wait for an opening on the left drop two gears and overtake him then i ease off the throttle and cruise even slower than he was doing roadhogger gets annoyed after a while and switches to the middle to overtake but i'm prepared for that having scouted the road in front a little ahead of me are slow vehicles in the middle and left lane a small truck in the middle lane and two bikes on the left going parallel to each other all doing 20 to 30 below the limit side by side perfect i drop two gears and make sure to keep pace with the road hogger modulating my throttle input until i'm about rolling up alongside the small truck and then i let off the gas and pace the two slow vehicles in a very lazy fifth gear road hogger has absolutely nowhere to go on the three-lane carriageway and we continue chilling way below the limit until it's time for me to get off the freeway drop to fourth overtake undertake actually and i'm on my way home petty is fudge maybe do it again absolutely yes i did check occasionally to make sure i wasn't holding up any innocent driver just this one guy wow i didn't expect the attention thought it would just be a quiet post thank you all for the comments and the post awards guess road hogging is a common annoyance for many may your hoggers learn their lesson soon yes you dummy road hogs i don't understand the logic it's i'm pretty sure it's way safer to just let someone overtake you than to do stuff like that like it literally benefits you in no way to do stuff to like hog the road like that oh my god this story's called neighbor tells me no smoking in the toilet so i moved places a few months ago i live on the top floor of a five-story building and the subject of my revenge lives on the first floor directly below me i rent the place and according to the contract i cannot smoke in the house not even on the balcony i'm fine with it so i drag my ass down to the street and smoke there no biggie it all started on my third day in my new little home i went down to smoke and while enjoying my precious cancer stick this old lady bimboy neighbor on the first floor's balcony emerged excuse me but i would like you to stop smoking in the toilet uh why would i do that i don't know but every night we wake up from cigarette smoke and we would appreciate it if you would stop it i never smoke in the house much less in the toilet that's why i'm smoking right here i hope so i never want it to happen again sure and for a few days i thought nothing of it she's probably retired bored or whatever i never smoked in the house never will i tried being as nice as possible not wanting to have fights with my neighbors on the first day i even thought she might have smelled it because i was smoking in the door of the building her window was above it so i even crossed the street so it wouldn't be a problem later and with it i thought it's over but approximately a week later she caught me while smoking i won't write the conversation out pretty much she told me again to stop smoking in the toilet i tried to reason with her saying why would i come down and climb those monstrous stairs if i just smoke in the house and even if i smoked in the house why would i do it in the toilet why not the balcony and i also questioned how could the smoke go all the way down to the first floor i'm not 100 sure but i believe ventilation is made so air goes towards the top of the building in the end we both were pretty upset and she said she'll come knocking every time she smelled it i was like yeah sure then a week later she did come knocking at 2 am when i was sleeping i was pissed sent her to hell then shut the door the very next day she did it again around the same time and this continued for a few weeks but not every day so we come to the revenge part sorry the exposition took so long my friend suggested a very good thing what if i knock on her door every time i go smoking just to ensure her that i don't smoke in the toilet and i did exactly that for a three days straight every single time i had the urge to smoke which meant something like five to six cancer sticks outside work hours of course i smoked much more at work i can tell you she was pissed she shouted threatened me but all i did was make sure there is no misunderstanding from either part but well all fun had to stop and it stopped when she called the police on me they were really understanding but obviously not approving of my actions but now there is no knocking on my door at any time edit grammatical errors mainly the balcony thing i knew something was strange about this word it spelled wrong and that it and thank you all very much and no i don't know where the smoke could come from from all i know there are two people beside me who smoke on the street where i do it as well so that is the question of the century what if no one's smoking and she's just like i don't know schizophrenic something can schizophrenic people smell things that aren't really you know present or is that another thing altogether alright this story is called chemical warfare used to teach co-worker manners petty revenge or octothorpe petty revenge never know which one a few years ago i used to work as active duty in the u.s air force in the security forces squadron basically military police a typical workday would have me spend 12 hours checking ids at the front gate patrolling the base or being put in a non-moving post in the middle of nowhere in which you would spend most of the time contemplating your life choices the last one is where our story takes place at the time we were combining two different work groups night and day shift to build up our manpower for the week because we were expecting some important people to fly into our base also all this was happening in the middle of january so the average temperature outside was around too freaking cold i was tasked with being posted on the flight line in a truck with two other airmen one of the guys i was partnering up with we'll call him nate was from my group so i already knew him the other guy we'll call him jimmy was from the other group i didn't know much about the guy so i asked around about him the best way to describe him in one word would be cornhusker the jimmy was what you would call a good old midwestern boy a good guy honestly and a decent co-worker however he had this one particular quirk that could quickly get on your nerves jimmy was well known for farting and never apologizing for it i would have understood if he had some kind of medical stomach issue or digestion problems but nope jimmy was healthy as a horse and just loved ripping ass at his fullest potential oh and his justification for never apologizing for it was also priceless and jimmy was well known for saying what farting is as natural as breathing you want me to apologize for breathing too every time hearing this kind of rubbed me the wrong way and so was nate so i decided to prepare in case he tried to pull this stunt with us i told nate what i had planned and his reaction said it all dear god i hope it won't have to come to this it'll hurt me more than it will hurt him on the first day of us working together it didn't take long before crap started to go down nate and jimmy were sitting up front in the truck and i was sitting in the backseat after about two hours of just us talking and trying to stay warm jimmy did exactly what we were warned he would do jimmy not only let out a fart that made me question if he was medically clear to serve our country he didn't apologize or even roll down his window this of course led us to reacting appropriately nate while rolling down his window dude what the hell are you dying me while trying to cover my face because i can't roll down my window bro you could apologize or at the very least commit sepaku for this dishonor and of course jimmy gave his trademark excuse what farting is as natural as breathing you want me to apologize for breathing too dishonor on you your family and your cow this ticked me off and so i decided to immediately take action and initiated plan f without jimmy seeing i took out a box of pure high fiber breakfast protein bars from my gear bag that i got from the commissary right before work i don't remember how many there were in the box six or eight i just know that i ate them all in like 20 minutes one hour later i began to feel the inner demons working their way through my intestines so i start a conversation with nate to give him the code word to let him know how things were about to get back yo dude any plans this break no not really you i was thinking about re-watching the last airbender movie once nate heard our code word airbender and the fact that i mentioned that movie he knew it was time to leave nathan excused himself to go read some important government emails youtube and the building we were closest to and that he would be gone for a bit side note our post had a specific rule we had to follow there had to be two people at the truck at all times one person can leave for however long to go to the bathroom smoke it food or whatever but until that person comes back nobody else can leave now back to the story at this point nate had been gone for about five minutes jimmy was chilling in the front seat and i was in the back getting ready to exercise the horror that raged inside me i gave myself my last rights and one minute later it happened i let out the most aggressive and physically demanding fart you could ever expect a 160 pound filipino to be able to do jimmy's initial reaction was surprisingly positive damn boy where i'm from we call that a tree bender but then three seconds later the smell hit jimmy began to gag and frantically started to roll down his window and stick his head out the truck good lord what died he decided to haunt your ass i just laughed a little and started to text nate everything that was happening after about another minute the smell began to dissipate and jimmy brings his head back in from the freezing cold once jimmy was done rolling up this window i once again let loose another and even bigger fart pretty sure i made the truck vibrate and once again the smell forced jimmy's head out the truck okay seriously what the hell at that moment i just decided to just sit back and let karma take the wheel and gave back to him his infamous catchphrase what farting is as natural as breathing you want me to apologize for breathing too this started a vicious cycle that lasted over half an hour every time the smell would begin to die down and jimmy thought it was safe enough to stop sticking his head out the window my butt would just lie and roar again and reclaim the land and got to the point that jimmy just had enough and decided to just get out the truck while stepping out of the truck nope that's it i can't handle it my eyes are burning you're messed up cause this isn't natural me in a stereotypical boston accent hey you mind i'm breathing back here 100 so natural jimmy got out and because of the rule we had to follow he couldn't leave the area or go inside the closest building with nay all jimmy could do is stand outside the truck in the cold until my lower intestines decided it was done which was about another two and a half hours and don't worry we all had some decent cold weather gear when it was all said and done we all worked the rest of the night and weak without any more incidences i don't know if he went back to his old ways when he went back to night shift i just know he didn't pull any more stunts like that with us because of that i like to think he learned his lesson i hope you all enjoyed reading this and if you know what exact laws i broke in the geneva convention please let me know because i'm pretty sure i violated a few of them thank you and i'll end this by simply saying respect is a two-way street yeah and i'm pretty sure you cleared the both of them wait wait no they're both ways of the street you know what i'm saying cause you farted nasty and uh agent orange is outlawed but agent brown well apparently that's here to stay don't forget to like subscribe and hit that bell to never miss an episode [Music]

Channel: Daily Dose Of Reddit

Views: 6,902

Rating: 4.945631 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit funny, daily dose of reddit, daily dose of internet, daily dose of memes

Id: _nZRq3gFa1s

Length: 16min 27sec (987 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 31 2020