r/Itemshop | bible signed by Jesus?

signed copy of the Bible plus 777 holy damage plus five five five five Ascension holy bible signed coffee hot damn I mean I'm not sure how they got the signatures from all the various people that wrote the Bible probably had another 20 Pages Deployable friend Charisma grants you a permanent friend together here food item Wallace and no no no bromlet restore 10 Health lose 20 sanity oh oh no babe are you okay you've barely touched your Wallace and gromlift dear God please take it away the pepper of Eden legendary ingredient deals 100 D100 fire damage when consumed a Deal's five fire damage per minute to the carrier okay explain yourself this pepper is exceptionally evil it's a hybrid of three super Hots I created it myself via cross-pollination why just why are you going to eat it are there people gonna actually eat this is it just a dare no I nominate Matt Stoney the void kitten that's levels 11. damage 128 protection plus plus I get 20 doubloons you get the kitten of the Void clerics canine Familia plus 10 Charisma can deal 3d6 radiant AOE one per day I believe that's area of effect but that's that's a little a little geeky for me oh yes it is area effect haha I was right the Caravan of delusion plus 100 sneak plus eight satisfaction legendary vehicle I am genuinely surprised that is legal although I cannot see any reasonable way to enforce it not being legal so I guess well done Sour Patch man minus 100 Hunger plus 30 energy I'm very proud of you for finding the Voltron of Sour Patch Kids eye berries give plus 5 accuracy and better perception for each Berry that's consumed may cause eyes to appear on body if eaten frequently oh oh God I didn't expect them to look that close I'm just imagining The Fallout notification you were addicted to eyeberries and the hand holding your laser pistol just Sprouts an eye on the back just blinking casually cursed Crystal blade 100 attack 50 durability deals spooky damage instead of physical sets ah instead of physical sets enemies on fire 30 chance of setting enemies to Stone okay this is legendary like this is legendary weapon you gotta you gotta chill Crystal dagger uncovered in Spain dating to around 3000 BC not now massively cursed artifact yeah if there's any cursed hiding in any it's gonna be a pristine Crystal Dagger from three thousand years ago that is somehow still intact and one person's gonna accidentally cut their hand and it's gonna taste blood again and remember mcquettes plus 20 hp plus four what McDonald's are known as New healthy item a single piece of wet the last thing anybody wants in there no no I'm not doing it cat Merchant Cottage has winners to sell the crank Mount plus 50 Armor Plus 200 damage oh crap tank oh terrifying the permaband hammer I flipped to this expecting to see like a giant Sledgehammer steam-powered power fist or something no no that'll do it the magic nut the the what physical damage absorption oh my gosh either you bought your nutcrackers at the dollar store are you just run across nuts of Steel yahweh's son plus 999 defense post game only hey look the artist signed his name good well done good legendary carrot truck Grant's permanent night vision permanent applies Argan skin Oh God how do you use this item like do you just unhinge your jaw or add it to your image Tory somehow and just equip it the holy pan of Jesus Christ adds plus 100 holy damage to blasphemers and non-believers I'm pretty sure the pan itself is blasphemy so I think this will just deal plus 100 damage to whoever equips it Pepsi Pepsi ball two others cures all conditions inflate inflict by enemies or obstacles but but at what cost inflix plus 200 psychic damage a pet spider is essential when traversing the Wetland biome as it negates all mosquito damage oh oh that's wonderful and also terrifying this is why I don't kill spiders unless they are absolutely massive or like in a bathroom Cutting Edge technology plus 20 attack chance to take self-damage when answering a call ah no no I hate this the edge of the phone is razor sharp and you're telling me that's flanking normal phone is this oh god oh that's oh that's terrifying no thank you no wait wait wait wait wait this is the Razer phone ah this is just hilarious okay all right this is funny I'm sorry I completely felt fit I was like wait I know the three pixels that are desperately trying to represent that logo Peppa Pig sword no no best girl buddy pillow but what there's like three jokes that come to mind I'm not gonna say any of them Darth flower gives the user access to the dark side of the force [Music] aristelloxia sell the fat thing Orchid also known as the Darth Vader flower do you have to wear it like a tiny little hat like the Darth helmet but but it's super tiny energy mask plus five stamina agility and perception when equipped plus 10 all stats for one minute if player consumes Dorito Health item I'm sorry Dorito and health items while wearing masks I've never seen a more gamer thing in my life and I've seen a lot of gamer things soijuk plush No Effects oh how how disappointingly accurate pocket raccoon single use item summons a raccoon to support you for the remainder of the battle [Music] yes I want a cookie jar that you just throw down in the battle and everyone looks at you like what the hell and a tiny raccoon pops out and just pulls out a giant rocket launch just basically rocket from guardians oh that's beautiful sacred mask grants immunity to poison necrotic damage and all dark magic also constantly sings like a choir so not the best for stealth loadouts portable toaster mine is 15 hunger growth plus 25 convenience yeah I just you know it's so nice you just need to toast some bread you can just toast all of your enemies like if you rage your enemies and you find food on them you can immediately toast it and it will taste better and uh if you don't find food on them you can toast your enemies and they will taste better potion of ancient milk will result in 500 years of poison damage settled by October 23rd 1538. Excuse me while I put away King Henry the eighth freaking milk fishing hat plus 100 respect plus 100 style women want me fish fear me oh God Cross of the man-eater minus five speed plus 10 armor walking on enemy corrupses restores hunger wait wait wait wait wait as in as in reduces hunger like you're eating the Flesh of the corpses below you because the way this is written the more corpses you walk on the hungrier you become which is also an interesting mechanic but I'm not not sure that balances the item that well I'm spending way too much time in this I'm sorry moon ring that gives plus 50 resistance to gravity what's up wait wait no I need a Saturn oh that would be amazing or Mars one no Saturn oh that'd be so cool cat upholding plus five to all dice rules wow plus five to all day wow that's overpowered but I'll take it Go rug yourself plus 100 Hospitality ah I need this all right yeah yeah I need yeah but like it blurred just the U is blurred it's not safe out there take this plus 10 safety I'm I'm quite sure that will that will do lots of damage rock salt budgie budgie uh unique small charm oh wait is it actually mean wait no no no the bird is real it just matches the color of the salt okay still very cool tactical sandwich holder allows you a quick access to during combat why didn't we not get the heavy one a quick potion gives the user the power to summon a shark in anybody of what anybody of water any I'm about to get a bowl of water and tests oh it's in a wine glass but I I yeah no I want to summon This and like somebody's pool and just watch the chaos unfold shoe hours of balance plus 10 stability minus five speed why do these look like something Tony the Tiger would wear cat hat of buttering 20 shop discount and plus 10 Charisma and you don't even have to say this is your favorite shop in the Citadel hat plus plus when worn ignore headshots from behind minus 10 charm only works in Texas the clown's nose plus one million wealth plus 100 silly instead of the monkey's paw you find the clown's nose which instead of granting your wishes in the worst way possible will grant it in the funniest way item the cursed clown knows obviously to use it you have to put it on and give it a honk wow it really works Hawks knows I want a million dollars I pull one dollar biller and a bill out of my pocket I pull another one dollar bill out of my pocket this proceeds for the next three hours I may have already seen this meme I think it was a PMC more video a couple weeks ago but I still love it the Crystal Skull of probability I I went to shake it and I want the dice to roll but stay in place like googly eyes useless man literally does nothing just just a waste of an inventory slot useless man oh this has to be obvious plant obvious plant where's the logo where's the I think the logo is cut off I'm pretty sure this is this is obvious but anyways this man contributes absolutely nothing to society lazy unwashed programs and jobs foreign oh God no ah [Music] okay all right I'm done Brad Knuckles deals 50 damage to opponent can be used as snack item yields 30 HP give give snipers candy plus 10 Health Plus 1 000 accuracy stop wow I don't I don't remember Snickers being this violent I'm not complaining but still ice eggs hatch into a snow golem who will fight with you ice eggs the rare phenomena occurs when ice is rolled over by wind and water yeah I I no that sounds like something an ice Golem would say I'm running the trial in for each Bard in the party plus 20 to Healing songs okay I would I would play the hell of this that's amazing Among Us face when placed it will consistently spawn crewmates and randomly spawn an imposter wow that somebody really went through the effort yeah that's not even like accidental or anything that's that's somebody put way too much effort into that that's a biting plus 50 blunt damage plus 20 fear minus 50 charm when equipped sold special bat nah nah I work for a dentist off no we made this the extra no no I got fired and need to make no no I don't like that I don't like that at all boo it's a forest walking plus 10 to stealth against disturbing Forest creatures where are they oh there it is genuinely I promise finding the soul those sound fun but also disgusting mysterious bag of sugar 15 chance to find Coke in it it gives you 50 all stat boost for an hour and 85 should try to find sugar 28 HP sugar okay this is the Publix bag of sugar I've seen this before sugar-free Publix Publix are you drunk or what's in the bag giant tennis ball plus 100 tennis Mastery minus tens storage plus 80 what I've seen these at Pet Shops and I don't know why they don't just sell them for humans too because they just look fun I don't know what I do with it I don't know but I want a giant tennis ball throwing tortoise I'm sorry what it is really late and oh my god what the 1d6 damage times strength plus dexterity and you expect oh my God oh my you you that's that's ablated tortoise okay I you know I call that a homing tortoise more than anything but we're at UAV tortoise but all right if you can Chuck it go for it please don't hurt the actual tortoise please don't do this healthy candy where plus 10 Health oh I need healthy candy all the candy I eat is is not the mcviction notice make fiction okay plus 25 HP unconsumed items plus 10 damage on kill plus 30 movement speed regen for five seconds minus five durability minus ten range attack speed oh make fiction we will be evicting what is left of your skull I like this holy crane plus ability to grab anything through all Dimensions oh well hello there Paladin crane I want one armor of the traffic cone the gates bludgeoning damage and causes charging enemies to reroute to one side to avoid you full body slot oh you got 24 traffic cones and two small pieces and joined them together to make an armor that I could wear you are magnificent Kami wrote Robo this username at the top that's beautiful I love it cloning fox plus 10 agility plus 20 friendship plus five plus hearing minus 10 sight minus five strength why is it minus 10 bonus able to transfer Five Points Max from one ability to another why why why why is the minus five do foxes not have good sight I thought they did or sorry mine is that why am I getting minus 10 sight from this not me specifically we all know why but like in general a copper tree armlet with labradite beads made by me stats plus Sony Charisma 70 enhances your ability to give great battle speeches that is wow ah that is beautiful ah I wanna I wanna underline all of the wiring with blue El wire so like it you have this teal and orange look and would actually seem to like glow with like a little bit of Otherworldly power ah that looks so cool well done Opie the trucksicle plus 50 Charisma near playgrounds minus 30 durability ah no that just gives you Charisma everywhere that's that is so magnificent oh I love this please make it so you can do like at least 20 miles an hour and like keep up with traffic a little especially on like back roads oh man I die laughing if something like this pulls up next to me I'd be so happy playing doggo transport will fight you fly you everywhere payment type phones it looks pretty experienced to me and I mean we killed all these Orcs at the last battle so got plenty of Bones dinosaur bathroom whatever just wash your hands as exactly as it should be nothing you are doing in the bathroom should involve of worrying about the what if the person next to you is a dinosaur dehydrated water drug is seventy thousand dollars mythical item dehydrate how that is a can of oxygen or or the minerals or you've actually like dehydrated spring water and got the minerals out of the bottom but I'm guessing it's just a can of air big wheels mythical item oh that looks so that looks so ready to fall apart oh I love the idea but uh it does not Inspire confidence [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 170,890

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Itemshop

Id: CVK_Kpmfgn8

Length: 17min 10sec (1030 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 26 2023