Revisiting Rings Of Power: An Utter Failure

the rings of power is a masterpiece an epic Saga Tolkien would be proud the rings of powers poop it's written like poop the acting is poop the dialogue is aggressive diarrhea there are a lot of ways to describe this show but if you're in a hurry that sums it up for you you know some people call that art it's crap welcome to the extended edition of my rings of power Video Collection in honor of the impending horror that is season 2 rapping filming and to fulfill my love of compilation videos I've re-edited and reshuffled my original rings of power as a travesty series into one reaching little platoon level video language fellow Latins rings of power lives entirely off of nostalgia for Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings film Trilogy with member Barry after member Berry thrown at you to try and keep you engaged because the writers don't have an actual story to adapt it's nothing but Uber expensive fan fiction it wants to emulate Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings films in every way but also desires to stand on its own and and fails spectacularly at accomplishing either the fact that most positive reviews talk almost exclusively about the show's Grandeur of scenery set pieces and its CGI Splendor should illuminate just how lacking the story and acting departments are the costume design also looked pretty rough in the promotional material and it lives up to that anticipated poor quality with CW level outfits for most of the characters it's honestly pretty pathetic I'm a fan of Tolkien in Lord of the Rings although probably not classified as a super fan or token scholar whatever that means I feel like that was the respectable title to have and so this show happened galadrio corruption and manipulation hi my name is Corey Olson the talking Professor I'm president of Signum University and I've been doing a podcast on talking called The Talking Professor for more than 10 years now you [ __ ] nerd as a fan but not super fan I realized a lot of parallels between what's going on in the rings of power world and well every other bit of popular culture at the moment it does indeed rear its head here and here I am not minding my own business Amazon can't seem to shut the [ __ ] up about diversity because it's what they were droning on and on about since day one of the announcement of rings of power Todd Bowles Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach in the National Football League said it best recently when he was asked about how his skin color relates to active hiring of black NFL coaches and Mike Tomlin are two of the few black head coaches in the league I wonder what your relationship is like with them and your thoughts on Steve Wilkes joining that poll I have a very good relationship with Tomlin we don't look at what color we are when we Coast against each other we just know each other I have a lot of very good white friends that coach in this league as well and I don't think it's a big deal as far as us being coaching against each other I think it's normal Wilkes got an opportunity to do a good job hopefully he does it and we coach ball we don't look at color you also understand that reference represent that when firing coaches City football players they see you guys you know they see someone that looks like them they can grow up like them that has to mean something well when you say you see you guys and look like them and grow up like them means that we're eyeballs to begin with and I think the minute you guys start stop making a big deal about it everybody else will as well hiring a diverse cast isn't new it isn't stunning it isn't Brave although I don't want you to stop suggesting it otherwise I'd have to stop mocking you for saying it and for that I would be sad there's a reason no one complained about Jim Gordon being played by Jeffrey Wright or Catwoman being played by Zoe Kravitz in the Batman movie this year they were clearly outstanding in their roles and Warner Brothers smartly decided not to draw any attention to it maybe because they knew they had a banger of a project on their hands and didn't need to stir the fan bait pot in order to drum up conversation they are both great actors and the finished product showed that they were clearly top-notch choices when fan baiting dies down studios please take a note from this shut the [ __ ] up about it and do your job job all right don't try to make too much out of it just do your job you know what Epic Fantasy story wasn't torn apart by a major corporation the sponsor of this video raid Shadow Legends here are my top three reasons for why I enjoyed this game one it's fun for any kind of gamer it's for everyone two over 650 Champions to play as there's an abundance of cool characters to play as that are rendered in PC and console quality graphics and three it's free to play goes without saying free is Great Raid call of the Arbiter is in full swing now and to celebrate this limited series raids adding some of the new characters as Champions you can play with in game the first is artec a mighty orc warlord and he's going to be available to everyone completely free all you have to do is log into raid for seven days between now and July 24th if you've seen episode 1 of the call of the Arbiter you already want this guy and if you haven't yet you definitely will go check it out and remember to log in for seven days to get our attack with all of this exciting stuff and more coming to raid you'll want to download ASAP if you haven't already use my link in the description or scan my QR code to get all of these bonuses and goodies from the Epic Champion Drake to useful items like energy refills skill Tome and an XP booster and remember log in for seven days between now and July 24th by hitting the link in the description and enter the battlefield the rings of power is a literal chore to get through at its very best the show is better than anesthesia at its worst it's poorly acted with cringe-inducing dialogue where there are already YouTube videos Galore compiling the top 10 favorite cringe lines from the show filled with embarrassingly written and horrendously delivered metaphors and faux poetry you've always said sandstone in your granite as far as the elves were concerned I would sooner knee cap a stallion than seek to imprison the mighty commander of the northern Army we can return in force and sweep the enemy from these lands like salt from a table is always right this line led me to third party embarrassment and for whatever reason I gave the show some credit that maybe this would pay off later turns out no it doesn't it's just a thing they say just the line to try and sound profound while being inescapably cheesy going from shredded mozzarella to an entire cheddar wheel once you realize it ultimately leads nowhere and fast and don't forget this epic Banger give me the meat and give it to me at all characters are constantly saying things that completely contradict their previous actions and the only explanation I can come up with is because the writers think the lines sound good or the plot needs them to say x when they should be saying why a perfect example of this is in the finale when strong woman confronts Chad about a piece of parchment that leads her to believe he isn't who he says he is that he's not the long-lost king of the Southlands because the line had been broken he pulls it oh [ __ ] you got me when you could easily just lie maybe the line was broken and there was an illegitimate child maybe it was kept a secret for whatever reason but nah [ __ ] it we need to hurry up and deliver something to the audience so we'll just have Sauron give it up faster than an 80s rock band groupie characters instantly become complete [ __ ] and are dumbfounded by the simplest things to make another character look more intelligent for example take not Sauron telling Keller brimbor about mixing ores together Keller brimbor is a [ __ ] Master Craftsman and when he's talking to not Sauron about needing to amplify the power of me thrill not Sauron suggests some oars just might do that and kellebrimbrors absolutely [ __ ] flabbergasted by the most obvious and basic suggestion ever uttered it's just [ __ ] God's here level writing and rings of power is the production that relies on mystery boxes to hide its non-existent story which makes sense considering the shell Runners are Disciples of Jar Jar Abrams himself the man responsible for the show Lost a show that ran entirely off of the mystery box McGuffin style of Storytelling what is the Black Rock what do the numbers mean what is the monster who are you people that bird just say my name what is a Nigerian priest doing in an island in the South Pacific what happens to pregnant women on this island and ultimately becoming a massive disappointment after ended when audiences realized the mystery was far more alluring than the answers unfortunately for rings of power there isn't much actual mystery or Intrigue here because you'd be hard-pressed not to figure things out instantly or even worse the mystery boxes presented aren't interesting enough for you to care about the entire season hinges on the hope the audience will get excited over trying to figure out who's Sauron if you didn't guess it was this guy by episode 4 at the latest you are the target audience for this show or who's Gandalf 2.0 hint it's Gandalf who's feminine surprise who knows who cares because this plotline goes nowhere fast or who's orc daddy or why is the elephantry dying hint there's no reason given other than it just happens because that's what the writers need to happen or why is duren's Dad such a [ __ ] [ __ ] hint because the plot needs him to be or the story is actually trying to make us question if the person who ultimately defeats Sauron is alive or not ask about myself considering how little the show gives a [ __ ] about following the lore though I guess he could be dead I gave the show the benefit of the doubt that the stranger couldn't possibly be Gandalf because that's a little too [ __ ] obvious but then he was pretty sure making the audience think you're not that uncreative and then showing us that you are isn't the kind of subversion of expectations you want to go for but okay the show doesn't just rely on mystery boxes it's wrapped entirely in contrived storytelling techniques that amplify a lack of creativity like the tree dying that's killing the elves it's dying because well that's just what needs to happen okay or the benefit of the doubt I gave the show all the way to episode 8 that when Galadriel first ran into Chad it wasn't just a [ __ ] contrived way to get them together turns out it really was Galadriel jumped into the ocean and while swimming in thousands of miles of water didn't just run into a random raft but a raft carrying [ __ ] Sauron himself and both of them run into one ship that just so happened to be passing by them and in a world filled with hostile people the ship is being charted by folks nice enough to take them aboard who luckily live in a land run by a pushover so Galadriel can bully her way into acquiring their [ __ ] Army to go do what she wants to do how lucky all this happened it's like everything just fell into place circumstances are wrong we are companions by chance when you sit back and realize the sheer luck involved in all this the story starts to sink like the [ __ ] Titanic the show tries to spread this out over nine hours in hopes to hide all this but once you reach the end you realize how [ __ ] contrived it all is and you had to be bored to death for the length of three movies just to realize it in the end about eight and a half hours in and the only thing that happens is some characters get introduced a fight happens and Mordor gets created thanks to the most contrived and idiotic Rube Goldberg device you can imagine turn a key and the mountain goes boom go [ __ ] self this is from the perspective of someone looking at it minus the desecration of the Lord too the rings of power simply does not work as a coherent narrative that stands on its own if you threw out all the offensive Liberties it takes with tolkien's work it's a steaming pile of [ __ ] all the same I haven't really thought about this until now but they have this big confrontation and conversation in the pilot and then that conversation is sort of mirrored I saw that cool cool great I'm glad I don't think I did until just now in this interview the showrunners admit to the fact that they don't even have the answers to their own mystery boxes yet they just set it up with the hopes that they'll figure out the payoff later or worse that they'll pull a Zack Snyder let people speculate and come up with ideas and if a reasonable answer pops up they'll say oh yeah that's totally what we were doing this interview contradicts interviews they've given prior to the release of the series and they're clearly lying about the fact that they have the entire series planned out they don't at this point in time all these contrivances were really conceived as pure luck within the context of the story they could retcon this drill in the future sure but I'll bet a dollar in a handshake they don't even bother if they get past the second season rings of power is incredibly Hollow and there's a reason why the majority of positive reviews have stuck to talking about how visually stunning the show is rather than complimenting or touching on the story as a strength in fact now that the show's over the access media seems to be turning on it or you could also say finally telling the truth about it even if it lacks visuals a compelling story can make endearing television it's why a show like Buffy the Vampire Slayer is still held in such high esteem despite it not holding up visually and did it even look good in the 90s and we don't have to look very far away from the rings of power to understand why Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings the trilogy this series so desperately wishes it was to find something that holds up to this day in no small part because of how beloved and cherished the interpretations of tolkien's characters are digital effects can be incredible tools and I'd be a fool to suggest it takes anything but obscene Talent dedication and hard work so I am by no means trying to diminish the artistic merits of the people who gave of it they're all bringing a beautiful aesthetic to this show but a beautiful picture will never make up for a lack of depth in the writing I mean honestly the show is between a rock and a hard place they wanted a Lord of the Rings show but don't have the rights to anything other than some pages from the appendices and the Lord of the Rings novels themselves so what to do the show Runners aren't good enough to write original content obviously otherwise Amazon wouldn't have purchased this IP to sell this product so they write themselves into a corner trying to appeal the fans of the films aesthetically or just lifting lines directly from characters that will be speaking the same words thousands of years in this story's future all for a little hint of nostalgia give me the meat and give it to me at all it's enlisting the hope of nostalgia to get you through the day because another flaw of the show is the constant use of member berries I've heard this argument a few times wow really weird that the show uses things that are related to Middle Earth if that's what you take away from the member Berry criticism then yeah this show is definitely for you and I bet the force awakens is your favorite Star Wars movie much like that half-assed film modes eventually realize there's nothing but smoke and mirrors basically a new hope all over again this show in a lot of ways tries to be Lord of the Rings because it wants to be Lord of the Rings how do we retell a lot of the same story without retelling it how much can we get away with rehashing that story again we live in a world of soft reboots and Nostalgia bait movies and hopefully this era of film is coming to an end soon because it's getting [ __ ] sickening relying on the good times of people's past instead of making something new and fresh oh Jurassic world is so good they brought the T-Rex back remember the team Rex oh my God I love the T-Rex remember Jeff Goldblum oh my God I remember Jeff Goldblum he was fantastic I criticized the quick visual of Ensign episode 1 in my last video and for good reason they weren't anywhere to be found in the rest of the season they were there strictly for the member berries the showrunners have even opened up and admitted that for season two they'll try and give viewers what they were expecting out of season one and my question is why didn't you do that in the first place World building I'm sure is the primary excuse with the show Runners constantly playing defense and making excuses for the mistakes of season one it really paints a beautiful portrait of how sad it is that people are defending the show as some sort of Masterpiece if this is Peak television art is [ __ ] doomed there are plenty of shows and movies that do World building while still giving us actively engaging likable characters that we can get invested in speaking of characters a simple story can sometimes be elevated by our love of the characters that doesn't apply here the characters of rings of Power are sometimes shitty versions of beloved ones from tolkien's work other times completely made up and seem to exist solely because Reasons I'm talking specifically about discount legalists and Little House on the patriarchy whose stories add a total of zero to the overall plot in the end relegated to Simply eating up screen time and patting in some action scenes as well as an excuse to have the Hollywood requirement of a stunning and brave female character either way almost every character comes off as flat their story their motivations are often shaky and the acting itself is flatter than the guard in Austin Powers [Applause] oh I don't think it's necessarily the fault of the actors this seems a lot more like a direction and writing issue too often the actors seem to not know how to handle a scene they often play it as pure melodrama but it comes off like a high school play and ends up being about as compelling as eight hours of C-SPAN the harshest of all realizations is that our main character Galadriel is the worst out of every character I don't think I've ever watched the show where I've disliked a protagonist more [ __ ] at least with she her Hulk Tatiana masalani is a good actress I didn't like her character but she had some charm about her morphod Clark has enough range to challenge Tessa Thompson for the least amount of facial expressions possible and the two times I can think of where she isn't looking like a [ __ ] robot it comes off goofy as [ __ ] and just plain cringe inducing [Music] because of me the writers fall into the Trap that most modern shows do trying to force us as an audience to accept and like a character that they don't even try to make likable in any way instead she's pushy at her lowest moments and hilariously over the top angry and others she's manipulative and convinces people to do things that ultimately lead to their downfall or ends up getting them hurt she threatens people that have been nothing but good to her she leaves her own people for dead for her own selfish reasons then questions why they would abandon her as if that's some sort of [ __ ] mystery and looks down at others for doing the exact same thing she's done good Ness wait no we keep moving I'm simply wondering what manner of man so readily abandoned his companions to death she's responsible for bringing the dark lord Sauron himself back to Middle Earth yet somehow this [ __ ] wench fails upward and ends the season acquiring one of the three Elven rings of power she's the Middle Earth equivalent of Scarlet Witch after she enslaved an entire town this will be her only warning stay out of my home but we're apparently supposed to feel sympathy for her when she decides to stop being a selfish manipulative horrible human being they'll never know what you sacrificed for them as always the problems can be traced back to the writing it's all about the writing a character is only as smart or clever as the writer the way galadriel's portrayed as just the biggest defender of a running theme throughout the show of characters experiencing consequences that seem simply illogical at best she bullies people into submission or threatens people that saved her yet basically gets rewarded for it while someone like hisildore gets punished because one time he let go of a [ __ ] rope on a ship I let it slip that was deliberate you're off the sea god characters are constantly reaping consequences that the writers need them to experience rather than consequences that would naturally happen to them also known as and then storytelling the writer needs X to happen so instead of finding a natural way to get there they just force things into existence because let's face it it's the easy way out the one bright spot of the show is the relationship between Duran and elrond and even that is often overshadowed by idiotic plot devices and the often embarrassing dialogue a dog may bark up the Moon but he cannot bring it down even though the guy looks like Dr Oz I can honestly say I enjoyed whoever this actor's take is on elrond and the actor playing Duren does a great job not good enough to make up for all the faults of everything around him but the guy at least has plenty of range and was the reason there's a single scene of the show where I felt something other than apathy [Music] their friendship is the only thing I liked about this entire show they were the only characters who played well off each other and had a few moments of levity in an otherwise paltry ham-fisted melodrama if there is one part of the show that was a reminder of Peter Jackson's film Trilogy that was done positively instead of eliciting disdain for daring and failing to emulate it this was it Amazon started this whole debacle because they wanted a pop culture encompassing show to expand their streaming Empire but apparently couldn't find an original idea to save its life so like a pop star who can't make a hit by themselves they decided to purchase the Lord of the Rings name for an obscene amount of money after fun got involved in this project my son came up to me and he said dad please don't F this up oops now I understand that Hollywood's a business but the thing about adapting something like Laura Rings is that it's going to come with a lot of expectations a lot more than adapting a superhero into film and a lot more than well almost anything I can think of it's so beloved that there needs to be true artistic Merit behind every facet of it like most people I obsessively watch the appendices of the DVD extras when the Lord of the Rings extended editions came out back in the day and I fondly recall how lovingly crafted those movies were and the respect Jackson put into them he didn't want to do anything that wasn't necessary yes Liberties were taken to change the story at times when he didn't think it could necessarily translate well over to film but without a doubt the heart and soul of Tolkien was there the films didn't just hold monetary value there's artistic Merit to them made with the desire to really adapt a work of art into its own work of art that's why they're considered some of the best films ever made the rings of power on the other hand exists so only for the sake of making money for Amazon and not only that but making money for Amazon off of The Lord of the Rings IP because they couldn't come up with an original Fantasy series to call their own it doesn't exist to add anything to or flesh out tolkien's World via film or they would have gone full force in trying to purchase the rights to the silmarillion this series exists to maintain and gain new subscribers to their streaming service and only for that purpose [ __ ] Integrity it only focuses on the monetary Merit thing is Amazon wanted to have their cake and eat it too but without putting the work in where it mattered in order to get there and still expecting people to praise it like they had did they go out of their way to make a bad show I'd never suggest that but they put their focus in the wrong area Amazon surely wanted brings the power to be a cultural moment on par with Game of Thrones or Breaking Bad now say my name Eisenberg God damn right that you have not seen what I've seen I have seen my share you have not what I have seen and when they didn't I find articles like this rings of power is not a water cooler show and that's okay an unbelievable excuse because there's no way they want to emit as [ __ ] TV show that's just what they produced they wanted this show to be talked about to be analyzed positively and have people buzzing every week in excitement you don't spend a billion dollars with the intent to produce mediocrity but once you've realized you've made a mistake what's the best thing to do to get people talking make [ __ ] excuses point fingers and blame others to stir the pot and who better to blame than the fans unless season 2 has the ultimate turnaround this show will live on only as a piece of controversy and one stirred completely by the company in showrunners who produced it judging by how late in the game they finally started releasing any trailers photos or details about the show and now that I've seen the entire thing it's safe to say they knew they had a turd on their hands a recent article begged the question of why keyboard Warriors came at the show along the She-Hulk is a success both commercially and critically if you ask Defenders of the show it's a borderline Masterpiece the peak of programming thank you so much you guys have created a masterpiece oh my God stop too hyperbolic but honestly I appreciate this show even more the second watch through when you hide the viewership numbers once they start to dwindle and hide any negative feedback about the show and then criticize your own fans I'm pretty sure that answers the question right there because it's neither those damn fans who speak negatively about the show are so toxic not like the fans who love the show like Defenders of the show popping up in my comments section in my last rings of Power video they're understanding accept criticism and are never rude at all the thing about art is it simply speaks for itself if the show was good they wouldn't need to defend it so vehemently because the negative voices would be drowned out you wouldn't have to block negative reviews used IST or ISM words to describe anyone who dare criticize the show and you wouldn't have to literally call people who have a negative opinion of it patently evil in that article they were vague and who exactly they were describing when hurling that which in turn painted everyone with a bad critique of the show as literally [ __ ] evil I've never seen anything like this oh wait oh wait yes I have as has been pointed out by the likes of critical Drinker Mahler and others fan baiting is a real thing and it's out in full force with this show how to get people talking about something that no one is actually excited for just tell them that they didn't like the show because a person of A different race was starring in it or that it has a female lead that'll certainly get people talking and any publicity is good publicity right media companies have done an incredible job finding new ways to get people buzzing about a show and it feeds right into the social media cultural movement of the last decade and a half who cares if people hate watch a show at least they're watching it and you can simply block their reviews of it make it look like people adore it at a glance and then take out articles and media Outlets that continue stirring that cultural pot it's brilliant stuff unfortunately for them they're left with a show that fails regardless of whatever they think the fans dislike it for no no one [ __ ] cares that there's black elves that there's a woman protagonist what we care about is the fact that the show is written like a [ __ ] high school student did it fan fiction is at least written by people who have a genuine love for the intellectual property rings of power seems like it was written by people who think they can improve on something that's already beloved as if they're saying yeah it's good but times have changed and we're here to fix it sorry but Mystery Box storytelling cringe-inducing dialogue a plot that relies on pure luck and convenience and CGI that ranges from Gray to oddly shitty isn't improving on something that's already considered a masterpiece I criticized the bejesus out of She-Hulk writers but after the staunch defense they put up while calling critics of the show patently evil I can plainly say this to the showrunners of rings of power thank you thank you episode one one the show opens with the prologue like Peter Jackson's films because it wants you to remember how awesome that was and hopefully pass some of that adoration onto the show for those not easily duped this will be a recognizable ongoing theme and grows tiresome pretty quickly Galadriel or as some people in the show caller is building a stupid boat out of stupid paper that somehow requires idiotic pseudo-philosophical reasoning by her brother this of course is after the writers decide to go the Captain Marvel route and have strong female belittled and bullied by weak male whenever you can emulate Brie Larson and Captain Marvel I strongly advise you to anyway she beats up the kid who threw rocks at it for no reason other than to have the writer show gladriel don't take no [ __ ] fast forward to her leading a bunch of elves to hunt for orc or whatever because she needs to avenge her brother's death Galadriel is the best kind of leader she doesn't listen to anyone else talk [ __ ] to her apparent subordinates and knows exactly what she's doing because obviously she's driven solely by revenge and doesn't give a [ __ ] about her team this is also one where Grace with morphic Clark's acting which is about as exciting as Ben Stein playing Ferris Bueller's teacher Holly Smoot Tariff Act which anyone raised or lowered raised tariffs this is apparently the Trope Hollywood is going to be running with their female-led movies and shows also known as the Mary Sue she knows what's right because of course she does and she'll be questioned at every turn because of course she will and in the end she will absolutely be right because of course she is very nuanced guys this is where I realized what was in store for me member berries lots of them I honestly didn't anticipate the creators trying for a Nostalgia bait style show but here we are it's pretty revealing they kicked the show off in this way because it's supposed to remind us of the excitement of the troll encounter and Fellowship of the Ring but it's different because it's a snow troll not your run-of-the-mill troll it's a great example of the showrunners trying to be Peter Jackson's movies but also Desiring to separate themselves I'm wondering when Hollywood's going to realize emulating a previous experience just makes people yearn for the original one and highlights the inferiority of the replica before us when I was watching this right as the troll showed up I said out loud let me guess gladriel's going to be the one to defeat it after the other ones get their asses kicked so what happens you ask well they all get their asses handed to them by the troll when strong boring women beats it completely by herself talk about subverting my expectations this [ __ ] is awesome strong woman jumps up like yeah [ __ ] you physics physics and doesn't even look at her enemy as she whoops its eyes I hope you are in awe of the laughable fight choreography and shitty CGI like I was if they were going for something that felt like it was ripped straight from a CW Show they did a fantastic job also wasn't she leading these people to potentially fight Orcs aren't they supposed to be badass they just got their asses handed to him by a snow Troll and she Beat It by herself hey guys not sure if you're aware but at this point I looked at the time and couldn't believe it had been 18 minutes already [ __ ] nothing has happened so far but the music would tell you otherwise it's loud and booming but it feels so on a scale with what's happening on screen it's trying to engage the audience like it's trying to make up for a lack of excitement on the screen it feels like the music's compensating and trying too hard because the show has to be epic now we're switching to when all the addicts come out when they hear the meth cream man these are Hobbits I mean harfoots I get there an ancestor of Hobbits or whatever but you know what the creators are doing see guys it's exactly like you remember so you'll love it it's also totally different and stands on its own we get an extended scene trying to replicate the fun heartfelt scenes of hobbiton from the film Trilogy it of course ends up once again feeling like a wannabe version of Something Superior side note huge fan of the harfoots having mismatched Accents in one scene a character switches from Irish to American to British accents in three sentences good stuff guys flipping back to the elves were introduced to the wish.com version of Orlando Bloom playing elrond I'll bet a dollar in a handshake they cast this dude to give people a subconscious member Barry of Legolas we get to see strong women and wannabe Bloom walking around some expensive looking CGI talk about overcompensating anyway yeah so they walk around and strong women acts all petulant defiant and whatnot because obviously when she was doing this it reminded me of the original Thor movie even though the movie wasn't amazing by any stretch the writing at least understood the character and painted him as petulant for the audience even though we appreciated his Charisma and looked forward to how he would redeem himself you'd stand giving speeches while that's gone fall you out of being here strong women is just petulant but we're not supposed to think of her that way no no we're supposed to be on her side but you have not seen what I've seen I have seen my share you have not seen what I have seen okay I need to stop right here just for a moment this line really encapsulates the limp noodle way the dialogue's written remember now this television series isn't really adapting anything and now think of The Lord of the Rings trilogy again the dialogue from those films was ripped straight from the pages of Tolkien which is why it always sounded so elegant eloquent and almost poetic the ring had never come to me I wish none of this had happened Bilbo was meant to define the Rich case you also Were Meant to have it and that doesn't encouraging thought now put yourself in modern day little writer shoes and think of little writer things to have the characters say and don't forget you're writing something in tolkien's world now think about the sheer [ __ ] hubris it takes to actually believe you can follow Tolkien and not only that but demand praise for the show you're writing to actually think someone else could write tolkien's World let alone imitate his words and be on par with or as I'm sure the folks at Amazon would love to exceed something he's done is the most narcissistic thing in modern pop culture yeah folks that's what this line of dialogue made me realize this show shouldn't [ __ ] exist but we carry on don't we the high quality writing continues on full display here for the 20th time already we're told how good a friend's strong women in Orlando bloom.0 are instead of showing us in any nuanced or subtle way just told that's all yep got it guys quality storytelling techniques here taking the show don't tell writing advice and shoving it right up your own asses huh was there anything else yes your friend has arrived now we've flipped to another set of incredibly wooden and uninteresting characters played by people who are about as exciting as a colonoscopy apparently some bad [ __ ] is going down or whatever who cares I understand the world they're trying to build and I can appreciate that there are going to be a lot of characters but there's just nothing cohesive here narratively there's nothing to invest in all the characters are boring as [ __ ] and keep reminding me that there's a better version of this material elsewhere Tolkien introduced this character since the main story slower focusing on Frodo and the hobbits for the majority of the fellowship's opening but here we just jump and then jump and then jump and so far there isn't a single character I've looked forward to seeing again well the same wind that seeks to blow out a fire may also cause its spread this dialogue makes me wish I was deaf well and blind then I couldn't read the subtitles either hey at least they have some great aestheticians in Middle Earth because her eyebrows are killing it today we conclude this boring ass episode with a climax I guess strong women decides to stay in Middle Earth and jumps overboard some [ __ ] is going down somewhere or something and uh Dumbledore arrives even if this guy doesn't end up being Gandalf it's who the show wants you to think of so what is this member Berry number 104 oh wait don't forget ants remember all right so that concludes my review of rings of wait there's a second episode God damn it when is this nightmare gonna stop it's gonna run for Five Seasons Five Seasons I legitimately fell asleep during the first episode I had to wake up and Rewind it the show was just that goddamn boring when I went to watch the second episode I assumed my nap would be sufficient to get me through the entirety of it but I fell asleep during the second episode too somehow some way Amazon's figured out a way to make two hours feel like an eternity anyway let's dive in previously on rings of power the show has to start with a recap of episode one which basically just reminds you that they introduce some characters but had practically zero plot development whatsoever I suppose this is here because it makes the show seem like a bigger deal Dumbledore is bumbling around and some hard foots are trying to figure him out or whatever meanwhile Orlando Bloom 2.0 seeks out help from the doors for something so well so they can be introduced to the story honestly well boy looks like Orlando Bloom 2 is going to have to smash some rocks in a rock smashing competition if he wants to speak to Gimli I mean gambly I mean whatever smashing rocks can be pretty compelling I am stoked for this this is the scene where I realize the Prosthetics makeup and wardrobe fell woefully short of expectations considering the budget OG gimli's nose is observable as a prosthetic from the surface of the Moon it's so bad and I guess they got the costume designers from the cw2 I'm pretty sure Hercules the Legendary Journeys in the 90s had better costume design than the show flip back over to strong women after she jumped from her boat and she's swimming in the calmest ocean water I've ever seen as the plot requires she stumbles across the makeshift raft filled with people being attacked by Godzilla if you're feeling sleepy this is your lucky day the episode continues providing zero reason to be invested in any of the characters whatsoever particularly our main character so rest your eyes tired one it's nap time the handsome toxic dude who was suspicious of strong women is the only survivor of the attack besides her because well obviously and back to the exhilarating Rock breaking contest this is compelling television folks now get ready for the most epic line of dialogue yet the Moon but he cannot bring it down oh man the chills I felt hearing this the unparalleled writing prowess of the showrunners Tolkien would bow to their superiority admittedly the one quality bit of acting in the show so far is from Durham the dwarf and actually feels like he could form into a three-dimensional character and not a stoic plank of wood dude my tears may be the blink of an iTune elf but I've left an entire life in that time a life you missed and of course we now jump back to strong women who just so happened to run into the person who will give her information and drive the plot forward you come to tell me what the enemy is or not the Southlands while she was randomly swimming in the [ __ ] ocean and now let's jump back to the elf human Love Story thing again where I made the observation of my notes here that the uh editing is actually pretty poor in the show too as in orc attacks I actually wanted to Heap a little praise here there's an appreciation I have for practical effects and costumes and The Hobbit trilogy got so far away from that it gave me the big sad the show at least wisely went back to a mostly practical costume for the Orcs and I'm thankful for that there you go I've given you two things that are good out of two hours Chad saves strong women without an inkling of a compelling reason to other than having the audience go well of course that's what they do in stories there's zero chemistry between these characters and I'm not entirely sure if it's the actors or the writing but honestly it's probably a combination of both there's zero interesting Expressions shown between these characters and no Mutual ground or commonalities discussed they just do what the plot needs them to do and with that thankfully Epic so two's over and Hell might as well review episode 3 while I'm here episode 3 starts off with our elf lead captured by Orcs then flips straight to strong women and Chad after they've been rescued by early 2000s Russell Crowe and brought the numenor does numenor look beautiful absolutely but that Hollow feeling that's been there since episode 1 persists there's simply no heart to this show it's like looking at a beautiful digital painting impressive sure good you're your mileage may vary strong women confronts shocked women about leaving and they end up staying in numenor because reasons and we cut away to be introduced to even more new characters and we get this brilliant line the sea is always right Johnny Sins officially one-upped then we're back to the captured elf the Orcs give the prisoner some water and when one of the kidnapped people is drinking it an orc slices away and I'm assuming we're supposed to feel really sad at least that's what the music's telling us I'm mourning this dude like I mourned Wade and Obi-Wan Kenobi all right behind you it's that intense man Wade didn't deserve it the scene continues to drive the point home that two and a half hours into this show there isn't a single character the audience has grown attached to in the slightest because they're all just Hollow planks of wood and this dude did anyone even catch this guy's name who cares going back to strong women she threatens her rescuer who ends up being able to speak Elvish erina and holy [ __ ] strong women's facial expression actually changed her lips raised slightly almost like a wry smile nah too nuanced I don't believe it eyes deceive me whoa whoa now she's smiling and it looks terrifying what the [ __ ] next up Chad tries to get on the good side of the locals and to be fair I actually really like this line you're not so bad well then I must make my retreat well he's still got a warm opinion of me clever so what's that three good moments so far in two and a half hours this potentially could have been a cool little fight scene but the choreography is just slow and dull and cheesy looking and these are things that are just clearly not going to improve as The Show Goes On we now return to the harfoot so the creators continue trying and failing at replicating the fun of hobbiting Dumbledore walks over to a fire to take a look at a map and somehow the hard foots standing a couple feet away don't notice some towering figure just standing there until he slips on a banana peel and makes a ruckus [Music] [Applause] [Music] Junior harfoot gets in trouble for mingling with the Slenderman and her whole family is subsequently punished for it go right back to strong women who finds Chad in a jail cell and she identifies him as the king of his land or whatever basically it's supposed to remind you of Aragorn's storyline you are more than you claim I found this in the whole floor impressive very nice the episode ends with the prisoners attacking their orcaptors and we're treated to a Sci-Fi channel quality CGI Creature if the only reason to watch this show is to look at how pretty it is this isn't doing you any favors they even recycle some sound effects from other films for its bark slash Roar thing our Elvis friend hates gravity more than gladriel and he [ __ ] that thing up also Twigs are deadly we follow that up with a I wish this was anywhere near as epic as barmir's death scene and thankfully the episode is finally over and God this one episode felt like it was three hours long rings of Power episode 4 episode 4 covers a whole lot of things while covering extremely little ground all at once bootleg Legolas gets freed by the orc Daddy to give a warning to the village that they're coming for them because it's always a good idea to give your enemies prep time me Thrills discovered and apparently has magical capabilities because the showrunners decided that was a smart idea Galadriel bullies her way into getting the woman King to give her her Army to satiate her Vengeance narrative in isildor [ __ ] whatever who cares his story is so boring and insignificant it doesn't matter oh and the episode has race relation allegories by having the numenoreans pissed at the elves took their jobs I'm not even [ __ ] kidding one is found this is a sunrise over the rolling sea uh yeah my favorite ham-fisted dialogue trying to emulate something Superior tolkien's work [ __ ] cringe sure I say the Queen's either blind or an elf lover [Music] they took our yes just some [ __ ] race-bathing Rebel Rouser over here as Drinker said it needs to reflect the world we live in today I guess I can't believe this is in a fantasy show leave the man you hold in your dungeons is no common ruler the Lost air in Exile to the throne of the Southland stunning and brave woman tries to explain who not Sauron is the woman King you do not understand and you should stand aside that I might present my proposal to One who holds the authority to answering oh [ __ ] can't fight meow all right you were Cast Away grasping for a handhold in a tempest there is a tempest in me Christ the man the acting is so awful couple that with a dialogue like I said morphod Clark is basically Tessa Thompson 2.0 his appearance didn't give it away that he's young and here you go Mystery Box [ __ ] this one who's orc Daddy these winds are turned in my mind to mush he was off to main quartz Chasm today you know Lisa there is no secret birth concealing with deception disa played by Sophia nombetti is legitimately the best character in this show considering how good Dr Oz and discount gimli's chemistry is I wish she got more screen time along with them this is also where the fan baiting by Amazon becomes obvious because I think it's near universally agreed that she's the best actor and character here after all [Music] even camera angles and certain shots in the show look wonky as [ __ ] lighter than silk harder than iron as Weaponry with bastard produce Plains Mithra I'm not sure if this was in the appendices but it seems like it's reaching to make the origin of mithril or mithril itself something of significance in the show's storyline much like Captain Marvel did with Nick Fury did I need to see how he lost his eye did I need to know the Joker's origin did I need to know Hannibal lecters and it's not even interesting it's partially member Berry partially we need a reason to do the thing let's include something people know and its origin isn't even clever it's discovered through mining wow neat so basically exactly like I would have figured in this scene though we really start to see Duran and elrond's friendship as a highlight of this shitty show or at least allowing it to have some sort of respectable character and actor integration there's some reasonably well done acting that's propping up an unbearably Bland script and the actors have genuine chemistry it seems to me that you do well to identify what it is that your opponent most fears give them a means of mustering it so that you can muster them this dude's totally not Sauron he's not conniving or sounding manipulative or anything apparently the actor didn't know he was Sauron until multiple episodes into filming and like just how this is where the show really started to wear me down because it's a perfect culmination of everything wrong with it first I'll get this out of the way the catching of the arrow is really cool slick idea but they of course have to do it in slow-mo hi Zack Snyder if you know my opinion on Zack Snyder you know I am not particularly fond of that what is Zack Snyder known for people who think I was known for slow motion I like slow motion I don't really like slow motion that much I don't really like slow motion that much I don't really like slow motion that much [Music] thank you [Music] the application of slow motion in this instance is supposed to imply drama it's supposed to create a sense of tension for the audience unfortunately we're not invested in the characters whatsoever nor do we actually feel scared for their safety anyway implied drama where there is none demanded tension when there's nothing to be found all because the script hasn't given us a single reason to give a flying [ __ ] about these characters the music here is genuinely misplaced too the implied and desired mood of the scene doesn't fit or seem like the right choice considering what's actually happening the musical score has been a huge problem that I mentioned in my previous video but it really ramps it up throughout the remaining episodes it's like the music's trying to make up for a lack of weight in the script and in doing so becomes overbearing and actually brought me out of the show even more than I already was because of how misplaced it felt I can almost feel the showrunners screaming at the composer about being more and more Epic four give him time even the hottest calls eventually cool there were sometimes I wish they wouldn't more brilliant lines from Lord of the cringe wearing the Power episode 5. okay so in this episode The Stranger protects the discount Frodo and friends from some wolves the elves need me Thrills showrunners made up healing powers to stop them from dying Galadriel bullies people into submission till they decide to send an army with her to fight Orcs in the Southlands and Little House on the patriarchy and discount legalists prep to fight said Orcs boom exciting [ __ ] I cannot get over the fact that they put grass and [ __ ] in the harfoot's hair hey how do we show that not Hobbits are of the earth why don't we like put Earth in their [ __ ] hair genius girls [Music] shut up shut the [ __ ] out Dumbledore pulls an average American on the 4th of July and almost blows his hand off Galadriel is going to teach these badasses how to fight look the strong women art gets a little old if this was the MCU when it was good and say black widow was doing this yeah we'd absolutely accept it because we liked her we'd understand she'd be able to outmaneuver multiple people at once but this doesn't feel earned especially because as an audience member I don't like this character and at the very least this looks absolutely [ __ ] ridiculous and is choreographed and shot so poorly that it's laughable still can't stop thinking about all the folks who were shocked this dude Sauron both in the show and in the audience the loyalty to the dwarf is admirable loyalty to a friend or to be expected regardless of his race or or not an oath to durin I don't know big guy pretty sure you can take that as a yes a horse Master recruited him sorry isil sea is always right shut the [ __ ] up we must first touch the only enough Darkness you have not seen what I have seen we're all about to be buried in this Tower so why be buried with us I've come to know the voices and the hands of those behind them half of us just left half stayed including you discount legalist feels like a different character than he did in the previous four episodes it's weird in the first he was kind of a rugged [ __ ] even around the kid who's being nice to right now it just feels like the writers are having him do whatever they need him to do and be whatever the plot needs him to be someone described it as the actors not understanding what kind of show they're supposed to be in and this is a perfect example of that this is a key giving the Orcs a home and these lands a key to create Mordor this is by far the stupidest MacGuffin I've seen in modern entertainment from where did you procure table so rarely to our resonator is located deposit we consider each to be a precious gift we shall have to send it home with you so it can be treated with proper respect you made it up didn't you this has been wanting a new table for years so this is a cute character moment between the two that I genuinely appreciated until give me the meat and give it to me at all put them uh how exactly are 500 men fitting on these boats what the [ __ ] someone on Twitter did a drawing of how the writers thought boats must work and I love this rings of Power episode this one is the big old fight scene that's it big old beat em up and Mordor gets created through process of idiocy our enemy vows to attack who among you will stand the copy and paste people here is [ __ ] embarrassing holy [ __ ] his mother next line is amazing you think he's giving some melodramatic speech then turns the 90 degrees on a dime and answers her question it's the most hilariously out of place jarring writing in the show right here it is strange most of my life I've looked East and sunrise over the sea we're sailing into the Dawn and yet to me feels like the coming of night she drowned let's wait until every last orc has crossed that bridge to Spring our attack to your positions Little House on the patriarchy and discount legalists are leading them I understand discount legalists but why her what the [ __ ] has she done whatsoever to be the one leading them and how is she now some sort of tactician simple answer it's the writer's Choice it doesn't make natural sense but it's what the writers wanted to happen but it's fiction what happens in the story is obviously what the writers want to happen well you're not wrong characters do what the writers want yep but that sort of argument would mean that there is no objective barometer for quality in writing if that argument held any weight then all writing would be of equal value and it's simply not characters either make sense with the established World built around them or they do not this character doing these things does not make sense other than well we want her to I also find it difficult to connect with this rousing speech because once again I've connected with none of these characters I know I've repeated this but watching this show is more like being a passenger like watching something as a sequence of events from far away like watching a history documentary minus the narration visually being told these things happened and then this thing happened and then this thing happened it is it is a strange thing that we should suffer so much fear and doubt so small a thing I sacrificed their lives for such a little thing oh commands of the northern armies anyone else tired of how they say her name and no it's not Galadriel that's strong women thank you very much you remember me I split them open I killed sorrow and even after this people were still shocked at the reveal of Hall brand being Sauron [Music] I smell [ __ ] Mountain go boom do volcanoes work like this I don't know because who cares right it's a fantasy show except I can't suspend my disbelief because of how [ __ ] contrived and stupid it is that Mount Doom and vicariously Mordor is created thanks to a [ __ ] Rube Goldberg device rings of Power episode 7. in this episode elrond gets denied of the me thrill because durian's Dad is a [ __ ] in the Southlands is obviously Mordor what a [ __ ] Banger Stay With Me every person here is going to die of smoke inhalation or suffer long-term effects is Galadriel going to help anyone that actually needs it the kid is fine besides the long-term effects you would suffer then I'm sure he somehow won't because of reasons but there's a [ __ ] dude on fire that's in torturous pain not 10 feet from her what the [ __ ] people are shouting everywhere why is she so casually walking away would it be because the writers want strong women in the who cares about this kid to have screen time together [Music] I honestly don't even remember who this guy is and I don't care this is like the scene in episode 2 when the epic music played while the guy I didn't know got arrows to the chest and my thought was who gives a [ __ ] your friend up there for big fella if you don't suppose suppose what maybe he could fix it I'll ask him then the harfoots tell their own kind to get [ __ ] if they fall behind or get injured then ask them to have their friend help and the dwarf King says he won't risk sacrificing any possible Dwarven lives to save an entire race [ __ ] man people of Middle Earth are dog [ __ ] bastards in the show huh [Music] the whole Leaf coming back to Life's cheesy as [ __ ] but as far as acting goes this was really good I mean I genuinely enjoyed this [ __ ] man why can't any other aspect of this show be good why not make a show about these people it has real potential and wouldn't upset fans of the lore either the acting's great here I don't mind admitting this made me actually feel something wait why is strong woman and who gives a [ __ ] about this kid away from the village they say they need to regroup with the living news flash you [ __ ] left them so yes this was written just to give these two characters time together better be a good reason why because wouldn't she or any of our leads stay behind to help those who are injured they are the leaders right and how are they alive because every person there should be I get that this is a fantasy show but suspension of disbelief means following the rules that the show itself has established there hasn't been anything to indicate our main heroes are somehow invulnerable anyone ever see Dante's Peak you're [ __ ] dead man elrond is as much a brother to me as if he'd been fired in my own mother's womb these cringe lines man and they're not done want some more yeah I'm a hair in their foot and I bring the ladia foreign makes hard foot home go boom looks like woman King is gone full can she on us we stay true to each other we face it with our hearts even bigger in our feet as he's looking right at the camera in the most embarrassing line of the entire show I honestly thought this one was just for the trailers but it's not and how do they suggest they pick each other up what's been established so far is that they just leave each other behind on account of injury so far for them it's been shown that if it comes down to hey I need help you get a big old [ __ ] nope here's a fine example of what I said earlier that the script ignores established character traits when a rousing speech is in order as long as it sounds good I guess except it doesn't and of course why wouldn't there be a bell rug gotta get them member berries flowing because this is the only time you see him that is the name of a place that no longer exists or should we call it instead Lord father so the Southlands is Mordor okay figured as much wait are you [ __ ] kidding me with the overlay text if you are wondering who this show is actually for this cinches it the attack on fans made it clear they don't give a [ __ ] about them but the fact that they don't trust the audience enough to figure out on their own that this is Mordor let you know this [ __ ] is exclusively for non-fans ranks of Power episode 8 the final episode we made it Gandalf Let's Dance Again [Music] oh in this episode not Sauron reveals that he is Sauron and turns into an incel because strong women don't want no scrubs and even though she's a [ __ ] idiot who somehow didn't recognize that the dude she was parading around with was the dark lord himself she doesn't tell a single soul and gets a ring of power because this is 2022 and gals can't do no wrong in Media genuinely curious that this actually fooled anyone into thinking he was Sauron [Music] no I told you it's strong women I should have trusted you it is a mistake I will not make again why is this woman constantly failing upward that wouldn't be suitable for this all why not because in the amounts we need it would too greatly dilute its unique qualities couldn't the right alloy also amplify those qualities well that is an intriguing suggestion isn't Keller brimbor the dude who's like the Tom Brady of crafting why would the most simplistic suggestion baffle him like he had never thought of it before is this supposed to make Sauron appear smart manipulative so to do that this is the best they could come up with because all it does is make both characters look like simpletons it's like running out of shampoo and someone suggests putting a little water in the bottle and shaking it up and your mind is just [ __ ] blown it would be smaller than previously imagined something that could be carried a scepter perhaps or perhaps a crown the trees dying and that's what's killing him right and then it was laying next to the dead leaf and it brought it back to life right so why not just like stab the [ __ ] tree with it or something lay it next to the tree melt it down and pour that [ __ ] on the tree anything but nah we need to come up with a reason to make the Rings so [Music] oh no the unlikable not hobbit leader gets a knife to the gut I give a [ __ ] he is I'm good nah bro when it comes to a season two I think we're all good Oh look The androgynous things are Nas girls so glad this entire side plot went absolutely [ __ ] nowhere gotta keep a few of those mystery boxes going for season two huh hold still we'll find a way to carry it back oh really you're gonna find a way to carry him back I suggest you follow the advice he gave to the dude whose foot was broken you're holding us up buddy [ __ ] see you later [Music] this is I don't even know is this bad acting I mean yeah but whose fault is it this is a director's fault this is a writer's fault this is everyone's fault that this is so [ __ ] ridiculous supposing we've been using too much force meaning that the metals shouldn't be forced to join but more drawn or coaxed quickly dismantle this we start again what the [ __ ] does this even mean it's the most generic idiotic advice given to a Master Craftsman but the characters think it's genius a big aha moment tell me who you are you know who I am who you really are I told you I found this on a dead man I mentioned this before but now we're here why wouldn't Chad just lie to her to keep his secret hidden it'd be pretty easy to there was an illegitimate child just anything yet another character just not doing the logical thing just deciding to be smug because we have to make the season feel like something happened and even though it was extremely obvious the Sauron reveal is that thing you have been very brave yes very stunning and very brave you would make me a tyrant I would make you a queen the dark lord now not dark not with you at my side so Sauron is Big simp and for Galadriel big yikes because of you but you will die because of me Sauron gets friend zoned so that's why he ultimately snaps sauron's an incel to make this even more absurd these camera angles are [ __ ] horrendous and it makes it look goofy as [ __ ] what is Hell Brad he's gone and I doubt he will return and should he ever none of us start to treat with him again so you're just gonna let that mystery go huh oh this dude who helped create these tremendously powerful rings with his suggestions we should never talk to him again if we see him now that he's disappeared nah sure why not why the [ __ ] not so do we proceed no we must make three with three there is balance why why three other than that's what the plot needs to happen perhaps it would be best if you lead off I haven't in England which way to go always follow your nose always follow your nose Mystery Box uncovered he's Gandalf meaning he's exactly who you thought he was expectations subverted because I gave the writers the benefit of the doubt that it wouldn't be Gandalf because that's too obvious so never mind [Music] whoa it's just like sauron's eye remember so elron knows that Galadriel is responsible for sauron's return but yeah she totally deserves that ring and finally this [ __ ] show's over Gandalf hit it [Applause] [Music] Amazon is already underway filming a season two and for the life of me I don't know why anyone would expect this thing to improve nothing's changed besides the location where it's being filmed it's still being led by The showrunners Who had JJ Abrams bribe Amazon and letting them do it and now the company has to lie in the bed they've made but hey I guess when your bed looks like this it doesn't really matter does it don't forget to use my RAID Shadow Legends Link in the description or scan my QR code to get awesome bonuses for new players with an epic Champion Mexico till next time

Channel: The Movie Cynic

Views: 153,070

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Id: c2_uXTgK2dI

Length: 69min 58sec (4198 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 14 2023