>>> JERRY, YOU SHARED YOUR KNOWLEDGE, YOUR WARMTH, YOUR PASSION FOR ACCOUNTING, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU SHARED YOUR CORN NUTS, AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT. HAPPY RETIREMENT, JERRY. >> ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU COLLEEN. OKAY. IT'S BEEN A GREAT NIGHT WITH SO MANY WELL WISHERS, BUT IT'S TIME TO WRAP THINGS UP. SORRY. YES, OF COURSE. OKAY. WE HAVE ONE MORE SPEAKER. >> THANK YOU. I NEED TO TELL A LITTLE STORY ABOUT THIS SAINT JERRY. HE HELPED ME OUT ON ONE OF THE HARDEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. I SAY ONE OF BECAUSE I WITNESSED A TRIPLE MURDER AS A TODDLER. ANY WHO, ONE DAY I BROUGHT MY PRECIOUS PEBBLES TO WORK. PEBBLES WAS MY SERVICE CHINCHILLA. SOMEHOW PEBBLES GOT STUCK IN THE INDUSTRIAL FAN AND WAS TRAGICALLY KILLED TO DEATH. HEAD RIPPED OFF HER BODY AND THROWN ACROSS THE ROOM. THE REST OF HER LOOKED LIKE IT HAD BEEN SPRAYED INTO A WOODCHIPER. JERRY HELPED ME SPOOL INTESTINES INTO HIS STARBUCKS MUG WHILE I COLLECTED THE REST OF WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS CHUM. THANK YOU, JERRY. HERE'S YOUR UNWASHED MUG BACK. >> DON'T GIVE IT TO ME. WELL, IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT WITH GREAT MEMORIES. >> EXCUSE ME. THANK YOU. RETIREE IN THE HOUSE! CONGRATULATIONS, JERRY. NOW, AS YOU MAY NOW, WE ARE THE OFFICE MUSICAL IMPROV TROOP. GITS AND SHIGGLES. >> WE MEET EVERY FRIDAY AFTER WORK AND EVERY MONDAY BEFORE WORK FROM 4:00 TO 59 A.M. >> WE HAVE BEEN SPECIFICALLY ASKED NOT TO PER TOMORROW NIGHT, AND WE RESPECT THAT, UNLESS SOMEONE HAS A SUGGESTION FOR A LOCATION AND A STYLE OF MUSIC? >> NO. >> OKAY. I HEARD R. KELLY. >> OKAY. LET'S NOT. OKAY. THANK YOU. >> ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT, JER ARE I, WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU. I WISH I COULD TALK ABOUT ALL THE FUN WE'VE HAD OVER THE YEARS, BUT HR IS HERE, AKA, THE SEX POLICE. DO YOU GUYS THINK SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH SEX NOW? WE MUST BE ROBOTS AND WORKER DRONES. CANNOT FEEL ANYTHING IN MY BOXER BRIEFS WHILE AT WORK. WELL, I HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION. I THINK THE WISDOM OF THE BODY IS SACRED. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, WENDY FROM SECURITY? WENDY AND I DID SOMETHING VERY SACRED TOGETHER ON EVERY ONE OF YOUR DESKS. >> OKAY. LET'S END THAT THERE. I'M NOT SURE WHY PEOPLE THINK IT'S OKAY TO JUST GRAB THE. NO. IT'S A FLAT NO, MA'AM. MA'AM, MA'AM. YOU'RE JUST TAKING THE MIC? OKAY. >> EVERYONE LISTEN TO ME. I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU. JERRY HAS BEEN STEALING FROM THE COMPANY. >> NO. THAT IS NOT TRUE. >> HE HAS. >> HE HASN'T. >> HE HAS. HE'S BEEN STEALING OUR HEARTS. >> OKAY. WELL, THAT'S VERY SWEET. >> AND JERRY ASSAULTED ME. >> OH, MY GOD. >> WITH GUIDANCE AND INFORMATION. ZBLU CAN'T START IT LIKE -- >> HE WAS A GREAT MENTOR. NEVER BE ALONE IN A ROOM WITH JERRY. >> JESUS. >> BECAUSE HE'LL MAKE YOU LAUGH SO HARD YOU CAN'T BREATHE. HE KISSED ME ONCE ON THE MOUTH. >> THANK YOU. ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU KNOW HOW TO LEAVE? YOU KNOW HOW TO LEAVE? THERE YOU GO. OKAY. >> HEY, JERRY. ALL THE GUYS IN SALES PITCHED IN AND GOT YOU SOMETHING. >> GROSS. GROSS. NOT THRILLED ABOUT TALKING INTO THIS MIC NOW. >> HEY. HI. I'M HOLLYWOOD ACTOR MATT DAMON FROM THE LEGEND OF BAGGER VANCE. A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO I WAS DOING RESEARCH FOR A MOVIE. THE CHARACTER WAS A SEX ADDICT, A PEEPING TOM CHARACTER WITH A MAJOR ARMPIT FETISH. NATURALLY, THAT LED ME TO JERRY. >> HEY, MAN. MY FAMILY IS HERE. >> JERRY, THANK YOU FOR OPENING UP YOUR LIFE TO ME. YOU ARE SO BRAVE. AND THE FACT THAT YOU EVEN SHOW YOUR FACE IN PUBLIC SHOWS ME A STRENGTH I JUST DIDN'T KNOW PEOPLE HAD. WHILE THE MOVIE NEVER HAPPENED BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY IT WAS WAY TOO DEPRESSING, I PUT EVERYTHING I LEARNED FROM YOU INTO THE SUB TEXT IN THAT GUY I PLAYED IN "OPPENHEIMER." THAT IS ALL YOU, JERRY. LET'S HAVE A TOAST TO EVERYBODY. >> NOT THE CHINCHILLA MUG! >> OH, MY GOD. >> ALL RIGHT. I'M JUST GOING TO TURN OFF THIS MIC AND END THIS. OH, MY GOD. >> CONGRATULATIONS ON THE RETIREMENT, JERRY. WE HAVE NEVER MET. I AM THE STEP NEPHEW OF THE EVENT COORDINATOR. I WASN'T PLANNING TO SAY ANYTHING, BUT WHEN I HEARD TALK OF CORN NUTS, I FELT COMPELLED TO PUT IN MY TWO CENTS. DEATH IS IN THIS ROOM. COMES FOR US ALL. BUT DEATH IS NOT AN END. IT IS THE BEGINNING. OF EVERLASTING DARKNESS AND SILENCE OF A FEAST FOR WORMS WHO CHOMP ON YOUR BODIES WITH THEIR TINY LITTLE TEETH. THOUGH YOU'RE DEAD, YOU FEEL EVERY EXCRUCIATING NIBBLE. BUT THAT'S JUST MY TWO CENTS. AND TWO CENTS ISN'T WORTH WHAT IT USED TO BE BECAUSE OF THE FAILED ECONOMIC POLICIES OF JOSEPH HUSSEIN BIDEN. AGAIN, HAPPY RETIREMENT, JERRY. I MURDERED THE CHINCHILLA. >> AND I SMOKED NEXT TO MY TANK, AND IT'S GOING TO BLOW.
