Reshape your mind, not your body | Bridgette Ugarte | TEDxEdina

foreign [Music] okay all right thank you so before we begin I want to start out by trying out a little something to remind us how important the next 10 minutes will be and if you're listening from home you can of course participate as well raise your hand if you can think of just one moment in your life where you haven't felt good enough all right seeing a lot of Brave hands there we go all right now put your hand back up if that moment had anything to do with your physical appearance maybe your confidence about your physical appearance or just the way you see yourself okay whether you raise your hand or not hopefully in the next 10 minutes I'm going to change your perspective on the answer to that question but before I can do so I need to take you back to 2019. it was my 20th birthday I was according to society in the best shape of my life that year so naturally my food regimen looked like no other I knew because of that this birthday was going to look a little differently but to my surprise without even having asked my friends came in that year to celebrate with a salad instead of a cake yes to celebrate the big 2-0 I ate a salad on my birthday and while this might sound like in my new detail in my big day it was actually the first moment I realized I had been spending the entire year leading up to this birthday valuing myself more on making sure I met all those pressures around body image then valuing my life on being able to participate and celebrate fully and important and special moments like this one okay but the unfortunate Taste of kale is not why these days suck with me forever in fact it was a single question I asked myself that truly change the trajectory of my life my relationship with my health and the way I valued myself completely and it's the same question that if you two ask yourself after you leave here today hopefully has the power to do the same I ask myself what if I tried reshaping my mind instead of my body to find my confidence okay but before I can get into that I need to give you a little more detail because 2019 was a big year for me for another reason too it's also the year I became a signed Curve Model that was a moment that affirmed for me that all that working on myself all that suffering I had been doing for that new physique had been worth it but even though I was excited I was still really struggling with the idea of being labeled as curve after everything I had done to get to my thinnest or a society often labels it my best shape you see leading up to that moment I had been buying in to the market for insecurities let me tell you I bought every tea that promised me a flat tummy I did all the ab challenges that promised me ABS in just two quick weeks and I did every diet plan imaginable it's my amazement it almost all worked see the issue was I had assumed that once I had the body of my dreams I would just feel naturally happy and confident in my own skin but I realized pretty quickly along that Journey that loving the way I looked and loving the way I felt somehow never intersected along the way in fact loving the way I felt learning the opposite direction of loving the way I looked miles away from this new body so many constantly praised but I carried on I carried on because the validation that my thinness equated to a positive response from society endured regardless of how I felt I carried on because all my suffering continued to equate to rewardable hard work in our culture so when I had my very first opportunity to go to my very first casting for potentially what was going to be my very first modeling job I was heartbroken and the first thing the director told me was I'm sorry I just don't think you're quite curvy enough to fit into any of these clothes and then ironically at my next casting when me and The Stylist both realized very quickly I was not going to be fitting into any of the wedding gowns she was providing she said to me promise me you won't go home and starve yourself as she stated so many models do and while they meant no harm and rejection as a part of every career they reaffirmed a narrative that I honestly already believe myself that it was not only acceptable but expected that I would equate my body shape with my sense of worth and isn't there something ironic there that as models shouldn't we of all people be the ones promoting healthy and positive habits and narratives worth modeling to other people I began to wonder if every habit I have to endure to get the body the world told me I should want makes me miserable what makes me think once I have this body and I have to uphold these horrible practices all of a sudden I'll just feel happy and confident in my own skin and if my sense of worth is built on something as fleeting as body image which can always change the body type you want can always change what made me think a deep sense of self-satisfaction could ever catch up well in answering these questions I came to four realizations one of which was that question I asked myself on my 20th birthday but the first was this there is a market for insecurities and where there is a market there was always an assurance of demand in this case that Demand Being that 20 year olds like myself at the time continue to feel insecure but not only that continue to feel like they need to change their physical appearance to find that confidence and not only that they need this product and that product to make it all happen number two I'm sure you've heard this one before but TV shows movies and social media they're all beasts and themselves and the most dangerous part of this is that so often the body standards being promoted to you and the horrible habits being endured remain behind the scenes number three there is a serious lack of space and acceptance around the healthy weight fluctuation that accompanies a growing and developing young adult body especially for females so often we push insecurities about appearance onto young adults so early we don't even give them a chance to figure out who they'd like to be first so in all this I realized something pretty ironic I had been consuming how I Felts about myself let's think of think about that for a moment we Define our internal identities by external factors we Define our relationships with ourselves by external influences and pressures so the fourth realization I had was the one that brought me to this stage the question that changed it all the one I asked myself on that birthday what if I tried reshaping my mind instead of my body to find my confidence meaning what if instead of changing my body shape to find that sense of confidence I long for so badly I changed my entire way of valuing myself so that I could Define Myself by pillars of my identity that wouldn't fluctuate with my body shape to find the answer I had to become conscious of my subconscious I had to figure out what I had done to get to this place where I'd become so defined by my body image that it shaped my entire lifestyle and sense of worth then I had to unravel it all piece by piece until an uncarved vulnerable framework to build a new self-image upon came to the surface to be honest it was absolutely terrifying but each day little by little I began to practice healthier habits rather than using the mirror as a way to criticize and analyze I use it as just a way to say hello in the morning rather than how talking about how full I was after every big meal or how little I eaten if in reality I just hadn't eaten enough I just ate the food soon I really did begin to focus more on shaping my goals and my future and less on my body shape dreams first body second and while those health habits were important and relevant every day they were no longer at the Forefront of what to find me meaning when I worked out I only worked out because I needed extra strong legs to Chase my ambitions that day and when I eat a little healthier it's because I needed a little more brain power to conquer the moment see now my body was becoming this tool in my journey but not the end game of it I Define Myself by pillars that were so much stronger that even as my body began to change I still felt that deep sense of confidence so today I'm asking all of you to forget the ideals and let's get real get real with yourself about how you're feeling in case you're wondering I stayed in the industry I love for two very important reasons the first is this once I felt that deep sense of security and confidence with myself I began to look at the power that the industry has in shaping young adults and how they feel about themselves and while this power is intimidating if we shape it in the right direction it can be something really beautiful and empowering the second is this we need more models who model transparent healthy habits is a priority we want young adults all people but especially young adults to look up to us and say I want to be just like them we have to shape that notion in the right direction with better narratives and better habits oh in case you're wondering the happier healthier curvier version of myself began to book jobs the once insecure version of myself could have only dreamed of because now I was more focused on making sure my confidence my power my personality came out in every shot not just my thinness such a close I want you to leave here feeling like whatever you want out of this life you deserve to strive for it some questions you can ask yourself to get there or this what fuels your fire what brings you Joy what brings you peace what makes you proud and then shape your life around the answers and however you choose to Value yourself because you do get to decide let it be something powerful and unwavering and while those health habits are important and relevant every day let those habits be something that Empower your journey not hinder it meaning if you decide to work out only work out with the right intention and if you decide to take a break honor that building an incredible inside does require rest for the outside you do deserve to Define Yourself by more than what meets the eye so my final question to all of you today is this how differently would you feel how differently would your life look if you too tried reshaping your mind instead of your body to find your confidence thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 14,376

Keywords: Advertising, Beauty, Body Image, Empowerment, English, Happiness, Health, Self improvement, TEDxTalks, [TEDxEID:48196]

Id: Jr4zxhI1FVg

Length: 12min 2sec (722 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 09 2023