Reprogram Your Mindset

think of a horse a 650 pound eight foot tall beast and a rider sitting Atop The Horse holding the reins the horse is an animal and the rider of course a learned human the two work towards their goals together a destination a task to do a journey to experience this idea is a metaphor for how we as humans live and make decisions we're certainly more than this but it's still a useful way to think about ourselves our behavior and how we make decisions in society at work and at home I think of myself as the writer the way I think most people would we are our language centers and there are ways we can gain more control over the instincts and parts of ourselves we may not know well and these parts are sometimes inaccessible to us I'm a programmer so I think about self-work and working on your own mental health as about turning a non-deterministic process that you wouldn't normally have access to and then being able to place strategic if statements in there to allow you to make more intentional choices on the one hand you could think of it as giving the writer more control but it's actually more about integration a writer can make better choices when it is more in touch with the horse not less things should be less of a struggle they should be a dance a grand internal dance that gets better and better that's what I want for you let's get started foreign [Music] [Applause] psychologist thinker Carl Young talks about the Shadow and I think meeting your Shadow might feel like this we have the exact same briefcase so sorry I make and I sell soap the yardstick civilization and this is how I met Tyler Durden Tyler Durden in Fight Club is one Shadow personified it exists within you even if you don't acknowledge it these are actually parts of ourselves but they happen to be the parts we judge we find aberrant and we don't want to acknowledge it young says no one can become conscious of the Shadow Without considerable moral effort to become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real this act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge for me I discovered one thing that was in my shadow was that I wanted power I craved it I desired it I truly needed it and it was a part of my shadow I didn't accept that I grew up in a household and family system where power was actually prized but because my father was an alcoholic and often not successful in his business Pursuits it was stymied back to back to back and I grew to hate this need for power yet simultaneously it was a part of me all along even if I despised it I did acquire the need for it Powers the ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events and when I was young and especially because I was an engineer it was perfectly acceptable to passively allow that part of me to not express itself but it caused me problems when I was co-founding a startup in 2008 I didn't think I needed the power that a CEO title or full equal ownership would give me and so I gave it up I gave up that CEO title and a significant percentage of ownership in that company simply because I didn't know myself well enough and it cost me it cost me big I made this mistake a few more times in my career before realizing no I'm going to let this part of me Express itself I want Power not for the same reason my father may have wanted it but I want it so that I can set things right when they go wrong and that was an important part of me growing into a leader and manager power hunger Madness all kinds of things that you don't want to face these are all a part of us and there's a piece of you right now that you're not accepting young says you wanted to accept everything so accept Madness too let the light of your Madness shine and it will suddenly Dawn on you Madness is not to be despised and not to be feared but instead you should give it life whatever your Madness is find out what it is because on until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate what Young pointed out a hundred years ago psychologists are still making breakthroughs around even today here's Richard Schwartz the inventor of integrated family systems talking about how these different parts of us play out in our everyday life basic idea is that we're all multiple personalities that people with that diagnosis aren't so different from all the rest of us except that their systems got really blown apart by the horrific trauma they suffered but we're all on a spectrum like that one basic conviction is that again we're all multiple personalities I've got them you've all got them they're all valuable there aren't any bad ones I'm sort of the Will Rogers of the phenomena I've never met a part but ultimately I didn't like and that they need more access to this self because they lose trust in its leadership when bad things happen to you as I did more inner work one of the things I realized was that when I was not acting my best not my highest and wisest self well it often happened because I was hijacked by some part of me that was just not properly integrated that's when my horse overrides my rider and does something unexpected young two discuss these as complexes little consciousnesses within ourselves connected to things that we're not aware of he said in a review of complex Theory complexes behave like Descartes devils and seem to Delight in playing impish tricks they slipped the wrong word into one's mouth they make one forget the name of a person one is about to introduce they cause a tickle in the throat just when the softest passage is being played on a piano at a concert they make the tiptoeing latecomer trip over a chair with a resounding crash as one might expect on theoretical grounds these impish complexes are unteachable an internal family system shorts talks about three different types of Parts Exiles are the younger parts of self that hold emotions vulnerabilities and Trauma that is yet unprocessed we've all got them managers are sort of the writer of the Horse and Rider they help put the Exiles aside so that the functioning part of self can go on with life and firefighters are extreme versions of managers acting impulsively to make any pain or hurt go away when you see dissociation disconnection from others or self-destructive behaviors like addiction these are the firefighters clearing the self away from the Exiles and the pain that's unaddressed and unintegrated when I work with my therapist she actually uses a somatic approach to try to identify where these different parts exist and it's through connecting with these specific feelings in my body am I able to connect and then ask questions and re-experience those parts of my life I've shoved away everyone has those and they pop up in your day-to-day in all sorts of ways self-acceptance is the key here's Alan Watts reading from The Works of Carl Jung and so acceptance of oneself is the essence of the moral problem and the acid test of one's whole outlook on life that I feed the beggar that I've forgiven insult that I love my enemy in the Name of Christ all these are undoubtedly great virtues what I do unto the least of my brethren that I do unto Christ but what if I should discover that the least amongst them all the poorest of all Beggars the most impudent of all offenders yea the very fiend himself that these are within me and that I myself stand in need of the arms of my own kindness that I myself am the enemy who must be loved what then then as a rule the whole truth of Christianity is reversed there is then no more talk of love and long-suffering we say to the brother within us raqqa and condemn and rage against ourselves we hide him from the world we deny ever having met this least among the lowly in ourselves and had it been God himself who drew near to us in this despicable form we should have denied him a thousand times before a single had crowed healing may be called Jung says a religious problem in the sphere of social or national relations the state of suffering may be civil war and this state is to be cured by the Christian virtue of forgiveness and love of one's enemies that which we recommend with the conviction of good Christians is applicable to external situations we must also apply inwardly in the treatment of neurosis this is why modern man has heard enough about guilt and sin he is sorely beset by his own bad conscience and wants rather to know how he is to reconcile himself with his own nature how he is to love the enemy in his own heart and call the wolf his brother can you call the wolf within you your brother If you deny yourself then there's no way to fix the situation you are doomed to call this fate the world I've discovered and I think you know too is a broken one and all of us have been through some moment in life that we just hold off and shove in the corner there are parts of us we refuse to acknowledge it's too ugly we don't want to believe that is us or it's something that happened to us we wish we could undo sometimes it's even a choice we made that is too painful to think of I used to be confused about these things and wonder how I got here but increasingly now I know I have a way to find the source of it and I can do better there are people out there therapists friends who can help you with this your brain your Human Experience these are all things that with introspection you can change and you have direct access to it if you ask just the right questions you're not alone and you never were and if you if you turn within you will find such true power if only you were to look I believe in you let's go get it [Music] thank you so that's it for this week I wanted to spend some time talking about mental health because to be honest I'm just a seek around trying to understand more about myself so that I can be better to the people around me like any engineer I try to notice when there are bugs and flaws log them prioritize them and figure out how to fix them it's impossible to be perfect but it is possible to get better I try to live life by postel's law it's a law that governs internet protocols like the web and email and it says be lenient in what you accept from others and be strict in what you put out if we all live by that law we'd all be better off more connected kind of like the internet knowing yourself your horse and your Rider being able to integrate your Exiles Your Shadow and just plain reprogram your default runtime that's how we get there if you thought this was useful please consider getting therapy and exact coaching because it's the only way I was able to overcome a lot of the trauma I had in my life growing up and not only that I feel like it let me Thrive thanks again for watching all the way to the end and I'll see you next week [Music] foreign [Music]

Channel: Garry Tan

Views: 51,015

Keywords: Garry Tan, Garry Tan vc, initialized capital, Garry Tan initialized, Garry Tan initialized capital, Silicon Valley vc, sf vc, a16z, Andreessen horowitz, best Silicon Valley vcs, how to reprogram yourself, reprogram yourself, psychology videos, overcome depression, how to overcome depression, how to become stronger, how to become more confident, how to find your passion

Id: V264u5kFOTo

Length: 13min 3sec (783 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 26 2022