Releasing the Habits that Imprison Your Spirit II, Tara Brach

Namaste Welcome Friends so this talk is part two of the series on unhooking from unhealthy habits and last week we started exploring the suffering of these habits how how when we're compulsively snacking or buying lottery tickets or constantly checking our iPhones you know the average person is I think 100 times a day when this is going on we're disconnected from our bodies from our hearts really from our full awareness and at these times our survival brain is more in control so we're cut off from what's described as our executive functioning and one of the consequences is we're not as rational and honest with ourselves we're not honest with others about being hooked you know we rationalize what we're doing classic example is a guy who's at a bar and he orders a drink and he puts it aside he then orders another drink he drinks it the bartender gets curious and says well why are you just wasting the drink and the man said because the first drink is the one that leads to all the problems in in AAA 12-step programs they call that stinking thinking so but we know this how we tell ourselves well I'll have just uh one more cookie you know or one more level in this video game or you know I'll sleep for just 15 minutes and it's described as being in a trance we're driven to seek out relief or seek out pleasure and we're not fully here and the Zen master Ria con shared advice that I that I spoke of last week which is if you want to find the freedom stop chasing after so many things so a friend in the last week sent me a cartoon and it has a dog in a business suit walking along with his human associate and he says to the guy well I got into this human realm to find purpose but this whole thing is just an elaborate version of fetch and so it is you know and I I really think that one of the most basic understandings of a path of healing and a path of freedom is that we're releasing the habits the physical mental behavioral habits that keep us from presence from being right here fully right here we're releasing the habits that keep us from our full capacity to love our full awareness so there are a whole range of helpful approaches that we can't possibly cover in these talks you know cognitive behavioral therapies and somatic therapies and the variety of different addiction programs and behavioral trainings but what we're addressing here is how arousing mindfulness and compassion is essential to any approach we take in unhooking from unhealthy habits and so in that Spirit I've invited those of you that are interested to use these weeks to use this time to choose a habit you'd like to unhook from and deepen attention to it and I suggested ideally to do this with a friend or a group of friends and I wanted to just take a few moments on why that matters addiction as we're going to be exploring is driven by the pain of disconnection so an essential element is our in in healing is our relationships with each other and there's research on a a 12-step program on what makes relationships so helpful and I want to share because these findings extend to any group that's dedicated to honest authentic sharing and compassionate support in in trying to free ourselves so one piece is that being in the company of others people realize well what's going on it's not a personal flaw you know we're we're in it together there's less shame the second healing that comes in being with others is that we witness other people recovering getting better and it gives us hope that it's possible for us and we need that hope we also start recognizing it's it's less about willfulness and it's more about a really sincere dedication to healing and freedom and the last piece is that in the company of others we feel part of something larger we feel a sense of fellowship and that itself gives us a kind of that belonging gives us a wisdom and a freedom that helps us in choosing as we move through our life we're in such an individualistic Society I talked about the epidemic of loneliness we need ways of healing and of Awakening together and this hit me so strongly a number of years ago about five years ago now that I co-founded with Jack cornfield my friend and colleague and fellow teacher Cloud Sangha and Cloud sunga offers small mindful friends groups and there's theme based you know you can join a mindful friends group on how to cultivate loving kindness or deal with anxiety or parenting and more recently how to work with unhealthy habits if you're interested in Cloud you can find it on my home page because so many people report the healing that comes when there is that intimacy of that Fellowship that spiritual Fellowship of waking up together so that that's one possibility you can explore or as mentioned last week connecting with your own friends in an intentional way or it may be a 12-step program or some other group that's conscious in space that's a fit okay so in these two talks I'm describing harmful habits broadly as addictions and by that I mean habits that we know are not good for us but are hard to stop and just to name naturally there's great range of degrees of harm say from pulsively reading romance novels to a regularly taking cocaine and many have found the word Addiction really useful saying okay I'm addicted to this whatever the harmful behavior is because it allows them to really acknowledge wow I'm not able right now to choose differently I'm drawn to exploring this with you because addiction is skyrocketing you know and when we're hooked it feels so personal it feels like my fault my flaw and it's not it's a societal suffering it's a societal suffering that's driven by pervasive feelings of disconnection that is the real disease as we really consider it connection it's our deepest source of pleasure I'm all wanting all desire is for the pleasure of some experience of connection whether it's physical mental emotional or spiritual and in Buddhism the teachings really are about how to relate wisely to desire to wanting when it arises and it's described as the middle path many of you are familiar that when desire arises the idea is to meet it with a a mindful awareness that you're not grasping you're not avoiding just that presence and this is what allows us to then respond in a way that furthers connecting and loving life furthers well-being not suffering I love the uh cartoon image where there's a uh a dog and it's dreaming and it says Zen dog dreaming of a medium-sized bone and that's what you see a medium-sized bone so and as we know when our version of the bone appears you know my latest bone is chocolate truffle cashew based ice cream and the portion is not always a modest so and I hope I haven't ruined anybody's abstinence by mentioning it it is a pretty uh pretty seductive Suite so okay another story of a man goes to psychiatrist and the psychiatrist says what brings you here and the man says well I like pancakes psychiatrist that's not a problem I like pancakes and then the guy gives them a real conspiratorial look and he says really come on over to my place I have a whole closet full so what is it that makes the middle way you know Wise relating with wanting so difficult I mean how can we get hijacked by craving grasping mindfulness going out the window I mentioned last week the trance of the the Hungry Ghost so bottom line is we get susceptible when we feel disconnected again it's helpful to consider that we experience connection when we feel nourished when we feel safe when we feel loved when we feel valued these are all dimensions of feeling belonging to life connected and when we're unable to meet these basic needs to be nervous save love valued when we're unable to meet them that stress that anxiety it drives us to substitute rewards if we don't feel loved we go for love in a different form and when it's repeated over and over again we get hooked we get addicted to the substitute so there's nothing wrong with liking our bone the trouble only arises when it's become a substitute for a deeper need you know there's that mem that you know when women get anxious they eat or shop and when men get anxious they attack another country we run into trouble when we go for substitutes and the greater the stress of disconnection the more susceptibility to addiction and we're going to spend some time with that or one person I worked with some years back names Fran her mother was an alcoholic and also bipolar and very early years her mother was quite abusive and neglectful and then left the marriage left completely you know just abandon them Fran was grew up raised by her father deep stress of disconnection there and Fran started overeating very young to soothe and over time became quite a harmful eating disorder so I'm going to return to her uh her story with you but I started because it's so common this it's very deep correlation between childhood trauma and addiction and we see the correlation this vulnerability to addiction with populations that experience Trauma from poverty from racial and other forms of societal violence from the erosion of societal status I mean think of the experience of rural white men in the United States and the opiate epidemic which is everywhere now but was very starting and focused in those rural areas speaking broadly any of the wounds of disconnection whether it's coming from not feeling seen and understood feeling neglected feeling judged feeling controlled feeling suffocated any of the wounds of disconnection charge up our wanting that then gets fixated on substitutes harmful habits there's a professor Peter Cohen who writes if we can't connect with each other we will connect with anything we find the were of a roulette wheel are the prick of a syringe he says we should stop talking about addiction altogether and instead call it bonding a heroin addict has bonded with heroin because she couldn't Bond as fully with anything else it's not just humans who need to bond and seek substitutes there's been a lot of research on other forms of life fruit flies are an interesting example research shows that male fruit flies who were rejected by females because the females had already mated drank significantly more alcohol than those who were able to mate freely I just shared this with a single friend who said oh great every time I late night snack I'm going to see myself as a fruit fly you know though so to continue on this side to do with research it shows that when we do have major stress that stress of disconnection it creates biological changes in the brain and the key one is fewer dopamine receptors now dopamine is the primary neurotransmitter involved with reward Pathways so fewer receptors that means we're more driven to seek substitute rewards to compensate the drive is stronger to increase pleasure and reduce pain so I want to slow down here for a moment you know I think of Fran addicted to overeating hating herself for it I think of how many of us humans grow up with either generational trauma or poverty racial violations different types of abuse so have these unmet needs for connection have altered brains that lead us to depend on fixate and depend on substitutes and then are condemned and punished by Society by our own through our own self-hatred and further isolated more disconnection it's a very tragic cycle and and here's the main point of it you know as you think of your own and others unhealthy habits it's not a matter of personal fault it's a misguided attempt a connection if it helps to think of the fruit fly think of the fruit fly and then it gets deepened more completely locked in with self-aversion and blame this includes the socially condoned addictive behaviors that arise when we don't feel seen or loved or valued you know the ones that you know other people aren't going to condemn like getting fixated on approval or accomplishment or overwork or winning you know codependent relationships addiction to money possessions power it's not our fault it's driven by that experience of disconnection and yet as we know when hooked on substitutes even those that are condoned because they cause us harm there's a deep sense something's wrong with me for this the shame so I'm spending time with this because in healing addiction and healing unhealthy habits the key necessary starting place is forgiving ourselves self-compassion I've definitely seen this with myself whether it's been for overeating or under eating or overworking or obsessing and more I could name all sorts of different levels of addictions I've seen it with countless students and family and friends the beginning of healing is relating to our inner life with acceptance with kindness with compassion so let me let me move forward on Fran's story first months in Overeaters Anonymous 12-step program really helpful the support of others she felt like I'm not alone but when she'd hit a really strong stressor she'd go into a binge and then afterwards hate herself she just felt weak she used words like gross disgusting shame we met after one of those binges and we we started doing some practice together and I had to remember the moments before the binge when she felt most compelled and I asked her you know that where she just couldn't stop she couldn't choose differently and I said what were those moments like because she was more aware of those moments I mean she had an intention not to binge and she said the feelings was it's too much this isn't tolerable this I'm anxious I have to get away from it there was no sense of choice it was kind of powerless or helpless to do otherwise and then I had her bring to mind someone she knew loved her and I said it can be your most loving awake high self or could be somebody else and she chose her older cousin who had been a mentor for many years for her and a friend and I said okay so have your cousin witness this and just witness this to witness the whole thing witness you right before the binge how painful and intolerable the feelings that you just wanted to get away from them and have your cousin Witness you seeking relief and then witness afterwards the uh the feeling of such profound shame and what would your cousin want you to know how would she respond and so Fran just imagined her cousin there imagine her cousin witnessing everything and offering her care and her cousin's way of offering care was to say to her sweetie you're hurting and this is not your fault and she said it again you're hurting this is not your fault and it was with that at that point that something really cracked and Fran started weeping those words it's not your fault and I'm sure many of you can just imagine in some way if we really can sense wow it's not my fault I just went in very very deeply and and they basically shaped herself compassion practice because after that when she'd become conscious of going into self-aversion she would imagine her cousin and hear those words it's not your fault it's not your fault and it would soften her heart there there was some compassion there we'll explore this further I'm going to come back to Fran it didn't just say oh it's not your fault just keep doing it that's the fear we have oh if it's not my fault then I'm not responsible then I'll just keep doing it far far from the hunt it actually made possible healing but I want to pause here so you can ground in your own experience and so wherever you are if you're in a situation where you can bring your attention inside please do so and take a few moments to feel your breath and intentionally invite yourself right here right now and you might bring to mind the unhealthy habit you'd like to have more freedom around where you get stuck either overeating food or taking too much of another substance maybe it's online shopping or video games or romance novels or too much sleep maybe it's stay up too late at night seeking approval whatever it is just bring to mind the behavior and bring to mind a recent time when it took over and you couldn't choose otherwise and as you bring that to mind see the place you're in and what's going on slow down the move in your mind so that you can sense right before you actually engage in the behavior just the strength of the drive how the mind Narrows the feeling of pressure inside the The Urge towards how the mind completely just organizes around doing the thing you want to do shuts out any of the objections just since how little Choice there is and then since how afterwards or maybe it's now looking back how you're relating to the self that got caught to the degree that you can see that the Judgment Maybe the aversion maybe the belief I'm so weak or I'm flawed or I should be able to do it differently and just sense the pain of that being at war with yourself how that hurts take a few full breaths so you can shift and and witness um either from your own most loving wise awareness or Through The Eyes of someone who really loves you cares about you deeply and just witness through those eyes what you're just reflecting on you might put your hand on your heart as you do so just acknowledging the strength of the drivenness the strength of the urge and seeing the pain of being down on yourself how that affects you to be living with a sense of falling sure to failing of being weak and just offer the message from that wise witnessing place that will most serve you it might be it's not your fault it might be this hurts and I care about the suffering in some way just sending that message of kindness inwardly let the intention be to receive to let it in and notice what happens if you really let in it's not your fault there's caring here letting it in as you're ready you might take a few full breaths and sense the possibility of As you move forward in these days and weeks of turning more and more in the direction of self-compassion when we're caught in unhealthy habits we're in a trance and it cuts us off from our hearts and it cuts us off from our wisdom last week I talked about the circle of awareness you might remember that big circle with the line going through it and everything that's below the line is outside of our conscious awareness everything that's above the line is in awareness and what we don't see what we haven't seen and felt actually controls us it controls us so we need to bring above the line uh the feelings of self-judgment and often the beliefs that are going with it which is we have a belief we should be able to control this just check inside some might remember the Bob Newhart skit real famous one where a woman goes to a therapist and her harmful habit that she's bringing to the therapist is this obsessive repeating thought she has this fear of being buried alive in a box so here's the therapist and he asks her a bunch of questions about her her problem and he says okay I have a path of healing for you and she's really eager and grateful to hear it because she's been suffering and he looks at her and then he screams at her just stop it and she says what and really aggressively he says stop it just stop it you know like get alive just stop doing that thing and it's so clear you know you might have a really good amount of willpower in other areas um there's so much science that shows that willpower doesn't work with strong habits with addictions and you might swear every day I'm not going to eat those cookies or smoke or take this drug you know and you might hold out a bit but then the resistance gets exhausted because it takes energy not to do the barriers crash and often we do more than before you know I can speak for myself that um I'm pretty willful when will is possible but I will never forget being in my late teens and binging regularly and afterwards swearing okay tomorrow is going to be different you know swearing to myself and how many rounds that intention collapsed and how deep that belief that I should be able to control this and something is really really wrong with me as I shared gradually the binging subsided and it wasn't because of willpower as with Fran it started with self-compassion really in some deep way putting my hand on my heart and bringing kindness to the huge suffering that surrounded the addiction and that then allowed me to deepen mindfulness and shift my relationship with my inner life but here's the thing once their self-compassion we can begin to bring above the line the unmet needs that have been driving us and most need our attention let me say that again once there's self-compassion then we're able to bring those needs above the line in a way that really can be healing it takes some time to open to the core needs to the core wants you might remember that that quote from D.H Lawrence it's not what the self wants it's what the deepest self wants and it takes some diving and yet as we do that diving the path to Healing opens William Moyers was speaking at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology at a conference and there's this room full of scientists and addiction researchers and they're obsessed with the intricacies of the human brain and here's what he said he said I have an illness with origins in the brain but I also suffer with the other component of this illness I was born with what I like to call a hole in my soul a pain that came from the reality that I just wasn't good enough that I wasn't deserving enough that you weren't paying attention to me all the time and that meant you didn't like me enough so the conference room was totally quiet he said for us addicts recovery is more than just taking a pill or maybe getting a shot recovery is also about the spirit about dealing with that whole in the soul so I share this because to heal we need to respond to that hole in the soul to the the core needs for connection that haven't been met it's the only Pathway to a full awareness aliveness and sense of spirit and so here I'd like to come back to Fran um she had been spending months emphasizing self-compassion and that did set her up to go deeper to tend to the core wounds with mindfulness and compassion and we use rain because rain is such a valuable tool for applying mindfulness and compassion to particular areas of challenge rain is recognize allow investigate and nurture and that brings together the basic components of mindfulness and compassion and we started by recalling a recent relapse it happened she was anxious about her father and stepmother visiting and while she was cleaning the house to prepare for them she had this extended binge on cereal and ice cream and so we went right to the moments before she started that and the r of rain recognized was recognizing anxiety she's really anxious the a of rain is allowing that anxiety to be there the eye of rain I asked her what were you believing in those moments and she said well they'll compare me to my siblings uh and not like being here you know my pull out's not comfortable I can't cook and we went deeper this is investigate really finding out what's there and under the anxiety there was hurt and she could feel this tightening in her throat nobody ever really wants to be around me I'm too sensitive this is she said she's hurt waiting to happen the words from her older brother and then she went on investigating I don't want to be with me who wants to be with that feeling of a scared weak vulnerable person and so I invited her to continue investigating and get very close in with the part that felt that way and she had tears and said from that part I'm utterly alone I'm helpless I've been abandoned I'm terrified this is the hole in the soul the disconnection and so I invite her to breathe and to feel it to allow it and just to find out from that abandoned young self you know just ask how do you want me to be with you what do you need and she said this place wants me to know what's hurting it wants me to care and to not leave that moved us to nurture the end of Reign and you know I invited her you know to just sense her kindness wisest inner being and said well how do you want to respond to that abandoned part so she sat taller she took some a few breaths to really inhabit that loving Witness and she said I want to assure the part that I care and she just said to her in her life I care I just can't stay with the feelings for too long I may leave but I'll do the best I can and we checked in with that inner part and that young Place received that honest caring something softened and she was able to report that she felt more of a kind of a ease a tenderness not hurting so much she felt enlarged she was the holder and the held you know she was that that larger part that was saying I'm staying and also the part that said you know that could feel it and it really helped that it was an honest exchange not like I'll always do it and I'll always do it perfectly it's that I care and I'll do the best I can she was establishing a relationship with that hole in the soul that wounded place so over the months fran did this regularly becoming increasingly familiar with the place that that felt abandoned that unmet need for belonging contacting the hole and the soul and being able to be the holder in the health and still there were times strong urge for a bin she might delay for a bit but then the urge would take over there was a major shift after one particular experience I'll tell you about which is that after 108 meeting friends went on an outing and she hadn't been invited and typically she'd gone she'd go home and stuff that inner child with food and instead decided okay just a little bit of rain first so she curled up in bed and just feel and she was sobbing and alone and feeling abandoned really feeling it acutely and witnessing it and with the end of Reign her heart really opened to that young child and she started whispering to herself I want to be with you I'm not leaving I'm not leaving and then it wasn't her Whispering it was her whole Spirit you know it was like some very delightful presence that was embracing her small self it was who she was beyond the little me beyond the small cell and when all the emotions finally settled after a while she just felt herself glowing by way of follow-up on Fran months after there were still binges but they became less and less and less and what increased was Trust that she could respond to the needs of that younger part of her and you know she needed her friends in a way she needed her own spirit and holding that space But she could respond and she realized she felt a larger belonging she said the way she put it is I have addictive behaviors but I'm not an addict I am so much more so this reminds me of a poem from Rumi that I want to share with you this is how a human being can change there's a worm addicted to eating grape leaves suddenly he wakes up call it Grace whatever something wakes him and he's no longer a worm he is the entire Vineyard and the orchard to fruit the trunks a growing wisdom and joy that does not need to devour the grace roomie talks about is awareness it's the awareness that's our source and lives through all of us that's what heals it's not willpower it's awareness some of you might be listening thinking well when I think of my version of being addicted to eating grape leaves I don't have much access to that awareness I just feel completely caught and very far from that Grace so I want to share one more story before we close of a different way that Grace appears but still is awareness I was working with a lobbyist many years ago David and the president of his Association confronted him about his use of cocaine and how it was under Mining and impacting his performance and his relationships with colleagues and clients similar at the same time his wife wanted therapy unless you stopped cocaine he agreed he figured he could do it on his own try it a few times said he'd quit he had some arrogance some self-delusion there it didn't work but he continued in secret and then problems worsened and as boss said threatened to fire him and his wife asked for a divorce so he had kind of hit a wall so some of it was coming above the line that he uh that he was ruining his marriage the harm of what he was doing was coming into awareness and it was hard for him to rationalize or delude himself there'd be a lot of reward if he could change and he wanted to change so he entered Narcotics Anonymous I'm giving you a lot of 12-step examples this today and he worked with me doing mindfulness-based therapy and the background for him childhood abuse his father shamed him when he was very young his older brother bullied him to toughen him up so he grew up in this unsafe environment feeling unworthy unloved this is severed belonging and he turned to substitutes he turned to lying to protect himself he bullied smaller kids to give him a sense of power he started using drugs early and his favorite was cocaine because it helped him feel good about himself and invincible and in control that was the reward so with the support of Narcotics Anonymous and our work he began this process of bringing into awareness the childhood wounds the unmet needs recognizing some deep beliefs like I'm flawed I'm weak I have to prove my strength through a hostile world I can't trust anybody I'm not lovable and a huge amount of Shame and he could so he was very in touch with that young part of him that needed to feel safe and lovable and I want to make a comment here which is to the degree that we get in touch with the hole in the soul the real pain or wound of Disconnect to that degree we can actually heal you know what heals separateness is bringing the light and warmth of loving awareness to the whole and the Soul an image that helps me is just imagine an ice cube floating in water if it's got direct contact with the sun it'll melt so it knows it's belonging to the water that it needs full contact otherwise it'll continue to feel separate have the edginess of an ice cube so for David over the first month you know he he was working with things and he could feel the edginess of the Ice Cube and how much it still continued to exert a huge compelling daily painful force in them feeling he was he was absent but he was feeling deeply anxious and insecure and it kept you know obsessing on how just how good he'd feel with just one line of cocaine as his reward and after about a month of abstaining he figured he could control it then he as you were imagining had another relapse and it was shattering how quickly he became the person he most hated lying mean-spirited ashamed and lovable the mistrust became like real paranoia he was utterly isolated so this relapse was a bottom the pain and humiliation drove him to really really yearn for healing and he went to a friend's cabin for a weekend and it was there in anguish that he that he finally realized the truth and it came like this he said to himself he just heard his voice saying I can't do this I can't hold myself I can't heal myself I can't I can't get out of this addiction his ego couldn't do it and then I need help and it was really out of facing reality the small self can't do it that things started shifting there was this prayer in him please help me he didn't have an idea about God but he simply knew his small self couldn't do it and there was something larger and he just repeated it over and over again this voice and plea the prayer really of a very young child saying please help me and with that some tightly clenched fist of ego started opening there was a surrendering and in the space that opened up there could be the uh flow and unfolding of warmth and Light he really he had a kind of relaxing and peace he hadn't ever touched belonging to something larger a larger feel the radiance something very tender and infinitely sweet and he knew that this is what I've always wanted this is what he had always wanted this is what the substitutes are trying to get them and he started saying in his mind a mantra had heard in a program with others not my will my heart's will not my will my heart's will it's like that shift from the ego thinking it can do things to a kind of surrendering to what the spiritual heart really yearns for and that's what he kept repeating in the days and weeks to come and kept practicing ringing that raw pain of Separation into awareness and praying prayer it was the beginning of belonging that they you know how John O'Donoghue might says that I love this which is that uh prayer is the bridge between longing and belonging it changed things you know his friendships with others in program more trust marriage more Trust so I shared his story because their Grace expressed as awareness realizing the ego's powerlessness that was the Breakthrough that if you're feeling stuck the awareness realizing oh the small self can't unstuck itself is the beginning of surrender and opening to some deeper force of love some deeper wisdom and for many people I've worked with Grace unfolds through prayer through embodying that longing with awareness please love me please hold me that kind of surrendering and receptivity it makes room for the loving awareness that was blocked in a deep way our longing and prayer is loving awareness calling us home when we've gotten stuck and we've left home in unhealthy behaviors and addictions prayer is loving awareness calling us back to wholeness to belonging so what I'd like to do as a way of ending is practice a bit together will bring rain to a place we feel stuck that wants more healing and freedom and just know that this is a a short kind of version of rain and that with whatever you touch that you can uh promise yourself to come back and and deepen when you have time okay so taking some moments as we do to come into Stillness making any subtle adjustments so that you're sitting in a way that's upright this year at ease taking a few full breaths and bringing to mind a behavior that feels unhealthy behavior that you feel stuck in repeating and bringing in particular a recent time in mind you might notice the trigger what set you off and as you move through this let your intention be kindness compassion so you're triggered you're about to do a behavior that you know is unhealthy and the r of rain is to recognize well what am I feeling what's going on maybe what you're recognizing is craving or wanting or anxiousness or restlessness what is it that is most predominant and then allow just allowing that to be there investigate investigating well what am I believing what is it you're believing about yourself about what you need about what will make you feel better about how you should be underneath the drive to have the substitute what's the most challenging feeling to feel if you couldn't go pursue the substitute what would you have to feel what's the deeper need what do you really want to experience if you go right to the place of most vulnerability inside you whether it's a place that feels abandoned or unseen or unloved go inside it so you can actually Express what it needs maybe you can explore prayer prayerful expression please love me who told me please accept me please take care of me please may I feel belonging just to feel the need of that kind of what we've been calling whole in the soul the deepest part of you and if you can express from that expresses if you're addressing to whatever you imagine as the true source of love in the universe please love me please help me please hold me please accept me please take care of me please may I feel belonging so feeling that longing the unmet need and now as we turn to nurturing just imagine that you are receiving what you need sense that wise loving part of you offering what's needed or some other source in the universe friend a spiritual deity the natural world offering to you what's needed the loving the accepting the company the forgiveness and let your intention be to receive to experience exactly what you long for if you haven't already you might put your hand on your heart let that deepen the presence deepen the offering of care deepen your capacity to receive just to imagine for some moments receiving exactly what you need perhaps it's a sense of being bathed in light in warmth like the sun that melts the ice cube and maybe there is a sense of dissolving relaxing into something larger feeling you're the holder and the hilt the rain practice culminates in what's called after the rain we just rest in the presence that's here noticing the difference between this presence right now and the driven self at the beginning just notice if there's more space more tenderness more awake and you can trust that each time you come above the line each time you attend to the the drivenness into the beliefs and most deeply to the hole in the soul that deep wound you're building the capacity to access your wise heart to access more Choice more freedom you can trust this this is the grace the power of awareness and it's always here although it sometimes feels very blocked this awareness is what allows us to become as roomy rights the entire Vineyard and the orchard too the fruit the trunks a growing wisdom and joy that does not need to devour as we close friends and close together with a kind of sense of prayerfulness hands on our hearts just reminding yourself of what you want to unhook from and in a very simple way feeling your aspiration your heart's willingness your sincere dedication to healing and freeing your spirit feeling collectively sensing each other this field of aspiration that collectively and this is the prayer we might free ourselves help free each other so that all beings everywhere might in some way be able to more deeply feel that essence of awareness and love and have that guide us in this world thank you friends thank you for your presence for your care for your company love to each [Music] thank you

Channel: Tara Brach

Views: 52,123

Keywords: Tara Brach, dharmarain108108108108, dharma, meditation, mindfulness, habits, addiction, heart, compassion, Addictions

Id: o4dLHaYSiGY

Length: 59min 23sec (3563 seconds)

Published: Wed May 17 2023