Tara Talks: Breaking the Habit of Blame - Tara Brach

[Music] thank you many people will ask the question but really isn't it natural to blame and isn't it natural somebody has violated me not to forgive them and so I just want to slow down here and say that aggression and anger is absolutely a part of our Survival equipment and every emotion has this intelligence every emotion anger lets us know that we've been violated and we need to do something so if somebody's injured us anger and not forgiving feeling armored that armoring is like having a scab over a very raw wound we need that for a Time but what would happen if your scabs never fell off and if your habit became to always have scabs that's the idea here that anger has its time and place as does not forgiven but then as we gain our resilience we start waking up out of that we have the strength to let go and be back in the mix again the problem is if we don't forgive we can't move on we get it's a developmental arrest we're in a trance and if you're aware of the habit of blame and you're listening to this don't blame the blaming because we all we all get caught in it it's we can see in relationships how quickly it comes up that um as soon as we feel insulted overlooked misunderstood criticized how quickly our injury morphs right into blame it happens to all of us it's a primitive reaction it's faster than the parts of us that might say hey wait a minute this isn't healthy but we get caught in it the biggest thing is though when we've been hurt we're afraid to forgive I want to speak to that because we have a fear that if we forgive it'll happen again or things will get worse that we won't be able to control it maybe if we forgive then it's like saying okay then I was wrong so I want to just take a moment to clarify what forgiving is and what it isn't forgiving's not approving it's not like saying oh this is okay all right um it's not like saying it's okay that you insulted or abused me in fact we need wise discrimination because we need to be able to recognize when something's unhealthy but we don't need to hate the person for it we can disapprove of the behavior but not hate the person so forgiving doesn't mean that we get rid of boundaries in fact we need boundaries forgiving is a way of releasing our heart so it's not caught in blame so we have the intelligence to know which boundaries are going to serve and which aren't we have a fear that if we forgive we're going to be passive that we're going to let you know if we let go of blame or hatred we're just gonna um sit in just that people will steamroll up over us it's not so the actual reality is that when we let go of the blaming it opens us to a place where we get in touch with our care and our intelligence we actually can act with more clarity so you can say I forgive and vowed and not let something happen again you can really commit yourself the point is that you're not building the scabs that cover up your heart when we are stuck in resentment and in blame we are in a trance and by that I mean the world is being filtered through a primitive part of our brain and we're no longer able to see really who the other is we're just seeing the dimension of them that we think is the cause of wrong and we're in a trance because we're caught in a very small sense of our own being as a victimized self check this out for a moment again let me invite you to close your eyes and reflect no no consider someone in your close Circle someone's family or friend somebody you have regular contact with Somebody That Matters to but someone who you tend to feel judgmental about where you lock into feelings of blame when you come up with a person could be work family friend when you come up with someone go ahead and exaggerate a bit but sense what it's like when you're you're really struck by something you're not liking about them and you're disapproving or feeling blame notice what your view of that person's like what you're seeing how they're how they're appearing in the movie of the Mind and notice when you're fixating on the wrongness or Badness what's your experience of yourself are you the oppressed self the victim ourselves the righteous self the outrage self the wrong self do you like the self you are when you're judging you might take a moment to think of this person and something that you appreciate about this person notice what it's like to let the quality you appreciate and the quality that you don't appreciate both of you there our path is one of widening our attention waking up from the trance that keeps us small and keeps others as unreal others and what motivates us what motivates us to let go of blame what motivates us to let go of resentment for most people we're really not motivated because it's work to do it it's like we have to come right to our vulnerability but what motivates us is really straightforward we start getting that it's keeping us from Love you can open your eyes now blame and the habit of blame judgment and the habit of judgment keeps us from experiencing our evolutionary potential to love without holding back it says Charlotte Joe go back put it she says our failure to know Joy is a direct reflection of our inability to forgive there's some wisdom in us that knows that and that's what makes it worth it to us to widen the lens and challenge ourselves if we're fixated um blaming someone Ruby rights be ground be crumbled so wild flowers will come up where you are you've been Stony for too many years try something different surrender be ground be crumbled so wildflowers will come up where you are you've been Stony for too many years try something different surrender thank you for your kind attention foreign [Music]

Channel: Tara Brach

Views: 8,202

Keywords: Tara Brach, dharmarain108108108, dharma, meditation, mindfulness, radical compassion, compassion, Blame, Anger, Habit

Id: sn3JbLNfs08

Length: 10min 31sec (631 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 02 2023