r/AmITheA--hole for Seducing the Neighborhood Karen?

welcome to r slash am i the butthole where opie tries to seduce the neighborhood karen am i the butthole for making sexy poses while my neighbor kept recording me for no reason my dad passed away recently and he left me and my sister his house i'm a 26 year old guy and my sister is 31. it's super unkempt so i've been doing lots of yard work outside in the mornings i'm out there watering the grass in the mornings and evenings every single time i've done this the neighbor right next door who's like this older granny comes out to her porch and straight up watches me without even hiding it i introduced myself to her once saying that me and my sister are the new owners after my dad passed away but it was obvious that she didn't want to talk next thing i know she started coming outside with her phone pointing the camera right at me i'm like is there a problem she says no there's no problem as long as you're doing what you're supposed to do i asked her why are you recording me then the neighbor lady says what's the problem with me recording if you're not doing anything wrong it's so effing weird that i don't even know how to respond to the situation as soon as i finish up and go back inside she goes back in her house too this happens every single day that i'm outside watering the grass it's always the same excuse that she wants to make sure i'm not doing anything else and if i do it's on camera so yesterday i got fed up and i decided to do something different when she came out with her phone i stuck my butt out and put my hand on my hip looking right at her at first she was like wtf but then she got really mad when i started wetting myself with the water hose and touching my neck while literally looking directly at her was it stupid yeah but she put her phone away and started cussing me out for being a pervert my sister told me later on that she came to the house when i was at work talking about me sexually harassing her making poses in provocative ways my sister knows that she's a pain in the buds and she probably has nothing better to do with her time but i still shouldn't have stooped to her level by making her uncomfortable right back i feel like i'm in the right on this one and it wasn't even that bad but also i can be stupid sometimes so i don't know you guys tell me was i the butthole look op if you want to do a striptease in your own backyard then you have every right to do that as long as you don't show any naughty bits if you want to take off your shirt and spin it around your head or bend over provocatively as you pick up a watering hose then you can do that and hey if it stops the nosey old lady from recording you in the process then that's an added bonus op you get zero out of five buttholes i'm giving your neighbor two out of five buttholes also it kinda makes you wonder who's the pervert the person who sexily waters their grass or the neighbor who records that neighbor sexily watering the grass because i think the neighbor's the bigger pervert there am i the butthole for making a pregnancy jar my husband and i have been married for six years we still don't have kids we want them but it's just not happening friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon but it's obviously something that we can't control we wish that they would stop but to no avail so what i did was come up with this idea stupid i know which is to have an empty jar and call it the pregnancy jar i carry it with me in my bag whenever i'm with friends and family and every time someone asks about when my husband and i are gonna have a baby i pull my jar out and ask him to drop a dollar in there for asking i would get puzzled looks but they would reach for their pockets or purses pull out a dollar and put it inside the jar it actually worked because most of them stopped asking after four months last week we had dinner at my parents house my brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month and while we were eating he asked when me and my husband were gonna have a kid my husband paused i got up from my chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question that he asked he stared at me and then laughed nervously asking if i was being serious everyone was looking at us he said no he didn't have to pay me but i told him that he didn't have to ask either so here we are i could tell that he felt embarrassed so he immediately reached out to his pocket pulled out his wallet and put a dollar in my jar i made my way back to my seat sat down and resumed eating like nothing happens it got awkward afterwards my mother pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that i embarrassed my brother in front of his wife and family and i should quit acting childish by running around with a jar and demanding that others put money in it i told her they should quit asking then she went on about how they're just worried for us since we're in our mid-30s and we don't have much time left if we win at least one healthy baby i got upset and she started arguing my husband and i left and we haven't seen them in days except i got a call from my sister basically siding with my mom and the others saying that i'm being childish so am i the butthole for this now op not the butthole if anything it sounds like you forgot to get a dollar from your mom at the end there too op you get zero out of five buttholes i'm giving your well-meaning family members 0.5 out of 5 buttholes am i the butthole for cancelling mother's day celebration that i arranged for my wife after hearing what she told my son i'm a 37 year old guy and i have a 13 year old son i was a widower when i met my now wife my wife has a 16 year old daughter from another relationship our family is often on pretty good terms my son is the quiet one in the house and he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposites they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked him to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted they apologized and promised to let him be as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration however it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads up so she could prepare yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with him to the restaurant to celebrate i paused and decided to keep listening my son asked why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept attitude will make her family uncomfortable and it'll ruin the mood he promised her that he would be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically she's not his mom so she didn't understand why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly my stepdaughter threw some kind of backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there both of them just stared at me without saying anything i told my son and stepdaughter to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off cancelled she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making a huge mistake with her i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after tantrum early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks i haven't had a single call or text from her so far the situation is full of tension i'm still upset but i'm more hurt to be honest i mean yeah i did say that i was going to have this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was just too harsh to ignore hold on op did you say you divorced your wife you're a widower okay so your son has a dead mom and your wife's response is to say listen kid i'm not your real mom so i don't even know why you want to spend mother's day with me anyway why don't you go cry at your dead mommy's grave huh okay i'm exaggerating a little bit but for real this is like disney villain evil it's it's the evil stuff mom it's actually the evil stepmom if you ask meop this is not the first time they've done something like this this is only the first time you've caught them doing something like this this is straight up emotional abuse op you get zero out of five buttholes your wife gets 4.5 out of 5 buttholes your stepdaughter gets 3.5 out of 5 buttholes she's basically just copying her mother's behavior but still she deserves some accountability here too am i the butthole for putting a private conversation on loudspeaker which cost my brother his 18-year relationship to begin my brother ben who's 39 has been in a relationship with abby who's 39 for 18 years they've been engaged for eight years and they almost got married three years ago but months before the wedding been chickened out they went to therapy and basically because our dad left us he has issues with commitment we thought over the last year that he was finally gonna step up for abby and be the partner she deserves he did seem a bit anxious leading up to the big day but he assured everyone that he was okay today they were meant to get married but as abby and us bridesmaids were about to enter the church ben was nowhere to be found everyone tried to calm abby down saying that it was traffic or he probably had a monster hangover well an hour passed then two then three then after the four hour mark abby said f it she was going back to the hotel and to call her when he finally showed up my family looked panicked and nervous trying to get through to ben of the groomsmen who hadn't arrived yet my other brothers and in-laws went looking for him thinking that he got hurt or arrested the night before i went back to the hotel with a very broken looking abbey we drank and ate food for another hour before i got a text from my brother-in-law saying they found him in a bar and they were trying to talk him into going to his own wedding my sister called her husband and we could hear ben in the background he was literally acting like a five-year-old who didn't want to go to the doctor honestly guys at this point i'd had enough he had messed with this girl for too long and frankly leading someone along for 18 years is just cruel so here's where i might be the butthole of the century i walked into abby's room and told her to be quiet then i rang my brother-in-law put him on loudspeaker and asked him what was going on and then i asked him to put ben on the phone this drunken fool started saying things like he didn't think that abby was the one and he was only with her because they'd been together too long and he was scared to be alone i let abby hear everything i won't lie i felt like a monster when abby started crying abby then grabbed the phone and told him he had one hour to get to the church or it was over for good long story short ben ended up at the church 20 minutes later and abby took off her dress then left the hotel alone so he ended up being left at the altar and she went to the honeymoon alone i've been disowned by everyone except for two sisters and i had to get abby's maid of honor to collect my suitcase from outside the hotel because my mom dumped it out when she found out i'm taking the full blame for ruining their relationship and 98 of my family hates me yo hold up op hold up your brother strings a girl along for 18 years he stands her up on her wedding day twice then all you do is literally press a button on your phone and you're taking the blame for this what about ben op you are definitely not the butthole here your brother is super toxic and your family is i don't know deluded o.p i'm giving you zero out of five buttholes i'm giving your brother four out of five buttholes and i'm giving the family members who don't like you three out of five buttholes am i the butthole for saying that i won't play mom with my exes a fair baby my ex-husband and i divorced four years ago because he cheated he had an affair baby juniper a three-year-old girl with the other woman but juniper's mom passed away when she was one aside from her ex-husband and his family she doesn't have anyone else because her mom grew up in the system my ex-husband and i have four kids joshua who's 20 cassidy who's 16 nate who's 11 and jacob who's eight when we divorced joshua cut his father off and cassidy followed him soon after they don't visit their father anymore and they've never met juniper my ex has always blamed me for that because i kept his children away and yeah he might be an awful husband and partner but he's an awesome dad i'll give him that much nate and jacob still visit their father and they're close with this baby i tried once to take the three of them out when she was younger but it just wasn't for me i know that juniper is blameless but i can't separate her from my ex's betrayal so now every time i pick nate and jacob up i try not to engage much if she says hi i say hi back if she waves i do too but nothing more now every time i pick them up she starts to mumble mama mama i tell her things like no juniper i'm not your mom call me my name i'm fine with that last time she actually ran at me calling me mama and began to cry when i didn't pick her up and took her with me listen i don't think that my ex is telling her to call me mom but that's how nate and jacob act specifically jacob he runs at me saying mom mom and he hugs me so i guess she's just copying his behavior yesterday my son spent easter with my ex's family and juniper ran at me again i said hi and my ex asked to talk to me for a second so i said yes he basically told me that juniper seeing me picking up the boys being affectionate and loving with them is confusing and hurting juniper she's a baby and she doesn't understand what's happening so he asked me if i could just take her with me for a few days like i do with the boys and maybe over time let her call me mom i said absolutely no that i'm sorry for juniper but that i won't be playing mom with her and that i'm only keeping a relationship with both of them because of our sons she called me heartless and pointed out how she cries when i leave without her but i said that wasn't my problem and that he should deal with that he later sent a video of juniper crying by the door and said i hope you're happy so am i the butthole i mean i know it's not her fault but it's not mine either okay so like you two aren't in a relationship anymore you and your ex so you coming over to pick up your kids that would be like you know if the neighbor across the street came over to pick up her kids from his place and he's like listen my juniper gets really confused when you pick up your kids so i would really appreciate it if you would treat my daughter like your child i mean i don't want to be overly harsh to juniper because juniper is obviously a child and she's 100 blameless in this but like what's what's the logic just because op is like a maternal woman in the general vicinity of juniper that means she has to be juniper's mom no that's not how it works your ex cheated on you and he's expecting you to raise his affair baby and then manipulate you with guilt trippy videos honestly opie i almost want to say you should remarry him just so you can divorce him a second time what a douchebag and to anyone out there who like feels sorry for juniper and wants juniper to have a better life keep in mind that she is her father's responsibility so he has to raise her and if he wants a mother in her life then he has to go out and find a girlfriend who's okay with that you can't just shove off a child to a parent who doesn't want them and expect that to develop into like a loving relationship op you get zero out of five buttholes i'm giving your ex-husband the full five out of five buttholes that was our slash in my the butthole and if you like this content check out my podcast where i publish the exact same episodes also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 549,122

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, prorevenge, r/prorevenge, prorevenge posts, prorevenge funny, prorevenge fails, pro revenge, funny pro revenge, amitheasshole, r/amitheasshole, amithebutthole, r/amithebutthole, aita, r/aita

Id: NYCN7XEclcE

Length: 17min 19sec (1039 seconds)

Published: Sun May 22 2022