r/AmazonReviews | this hurts...

two out of five too much pain causes too much pain and Agony don't know why it's so popular nowadays I'm just going to use toilet paper but this is more environmentally friendly no more Bed Head a real picture of a real person not a glamorous Young Thing what's this review for five stars order them now can I just say I'll be reordering them in every color here's me rolling and sliding down a mountain because I was too scared to get up my leggings did not rip even a little bit and I got stuck on rocks and trees now that's pretty legit though that's a good reason why have you not delivered my order I didn't ship it perhaps contact the seller yeah thanks thank you very much all right one star not original fake poor product quality poor service by seller delivery time below expectation sell a response [Laughter] oh my God I love that look real or not it's just hilarious man it's only funny once it's only funny one time but damn that's I no longer have a son this man ain't my son and the world needs to know I actually just bought a Neon Genesis Evangelion Garfield sticker off of Amazon and I'm in love with it my waist size is 32 and length is 36 tall and thin congratulations it works my teeth are so white they've started taking other people's land hey not bad 800 bucks for a casket no complaints from Grandpa about how quickly would this freeze a large block of ice trick question a large block of ice is already Frozen we're starting strong all right one out of five stars beds should look like beds I ordered this when I was drunk because I thought it was a giant ice cream sandwich but it wasn't called an ice cream sandwich so it seems like you're just stupid no you can't blame it on being drunk reviews with images let's see yup yup how is that relevant did he review the product all right let's see here is it washable no is it washable yes okay come on which one is it from the Kavanaugh company we've got alterbred 19 bucks let's see here are these vegan no it contains the Flesh of Jesus Christ man we're really able to just keep producing stuff with his flesh huh oh my God roomier than expected too early to tell if my two female cats like this box or not but I will say it's just as spacious as I'd hoped the other photos don't really show how large this box is it's amazing I'm very happy with my purchase you're right this photo at least doesn't show just how large this is you're freaking me the hell out all right five stars look at me now just got my Fiddlers cap it fits perfect and I love it it's very comfortable and good looking my new favorite hat of all time Anchors Away matey look at how happy this fella is oh God a TI-83 what does it smell like it smells like the tears of an English major trying to complete a math class screw you is I order my stuff on Wendy when will it come if you order on Wendy you may get your stuff on Trudy or maybe Freddy hope that helps oh I love it and I hope the guy understood three out of five I was being chased by a hobo the Starbucks Personnel helped me I thanked them but they told me I had to buy a copy or they would give me to the hobo but what are you gonna do get eaten by the hobo or just buy a coffee dude could men wear this they're narrow in the front his giblets would most likely Fall Out fall out people have a very skewed idea of how work let's see here one out of five missing letter let's take a look here absolutely gutted I've sat down and blown up all the letters to find that the D is missing what's been replaced with an extra a it's my daughter's birthday tomorrow and now I won't be able to decorate it as planned not happy at all right good for you all right perfect score world's best sponges if I could give these sponges a million stars I would I love them so much I couldn't even bring myself to use them so I drew faces on them Oh I thought they came like that they're now my friends and I have a little over 40 sponges I am soon ordering more I I love these sponges they are a gift from God works great 5 Stars the Nexus silent Wired Mouse my girlfriend and I were on the verge of breaking up because I would keep her up at night with my constant Mouse clicking not anymore consider this relationship saved this mouse is So Silent she'll sometimes forget I'm even home and invite her lover over he's a pretty cool guy you into that sort of thing that's fine if everybody's cool with it no problem can you replace the spray when you run out if you run out of pepper spray you need to move to a different neighborhood I also like this one if I put this in my checked luggage will it explode I wouldn't think it would explode you just look up TSA requirements man see what they say are they noisy do you hear the feathers moving when your head is on the pillow no the geese used are dead oh thank God man five stars what can you say about scissors they're scissors you put one blade on either side of something you wish to cut squeeze the handles together and it cuts super sharp too they cut almost as precisely as my father others comments about my career path Kelly what is it you do for a living now I'm curious damn five stars they saved my relationship my girlfriend and I were on the verge of breaking up because I was constantly tracking mud into the apartment and ruining the floors not anymore the traction on these boots is so strong that I'm able to walk up the walls the floors are clean and her nagging has stopped now all we fight about is her crippling alcoholism and my unhealthy obsession with Anna Kendrick no I can understand that Obsession be careful of Wrong Way bananas we were so excited to get our Hustler 571 until we realized our bananas are curved the wrong way gonna have to go to the store for new bananas you guys seem really fun actually I love it five stars even I could make it work and I took the nicest picture of myself in 50 years I love how wholesome some of these actually can be it's it's a nice break you know what I mean can I make an invisibility cloak from this thread and if so how do I find it when I take it off and lay it down somewhere uh yes and you have to make sure to hang it up properly in the same place every day I made one myself once and it fell off the hanger and onto my dog I haven't seen him in years but as barks still haunt the halls of my home at night is it bear proof nothing is bear proof false there are bear proof things and as you unloaded my 55 gallon drum the driver accidentally spilled it onto my driveway any amount of cars can now fit into the garage oh man I remember the first Prime day when this thing was like eighteen hundred dollars which was like half off and people were freaking out like oh my God a lifetime supply of lube and then you get a 55 gallon drum after you're empty one star very disappointed very disappointing we named ours Bob and let me tell you that he wasn't the hard-working man I was hoping for Bob spent most of his employment driving from one random side of the house to the other like a junkie looking for his new fix his actual cleaning was minimal at best and he couldn't find his docking station to save his life in the week I had Bob he never finished a cleaning cycle one day while at work the app texted me to say Bob needed my assistance because he was stuck on a cliff worried for Bob's safety I came home to find him passed out in the middle of the dining room rug that night the family said goodbye to Bob once and for all yeah I prefer just doing vacuuming manually I think roombas are stupid amazing thing my husband opened the package while I was out he couldn't figure out what it was he thought it was a cat harness oh girlfriend loved this wine mother-in-law hated it double win wait girlfriend and mother-in-law I'm confused my partner has a Love of All Things Different so plum wine was a must for her birthday she tried it and has been consistently trying to pour it down anyone's throats that can try it I had to try myself it somewhat dry smooth and sweet at the same time it's certainly got a very different taste to your standard grape wines somewhere between a very strong cider and a dry wine mother-in-law hated it so it's worth every penny alright another five stars this eyeliner won't run around like your man does I bought this eyeliner and the first day I wore it I found out my boyfriend of five years was cheating on me and I cried and cried and cried and went to the bathroom to make sure that my makeup streaks were wiped off of my face but it was completely perfect through all the crying it stayed in place so thank you for making an eyeliner that's more trustworthy than a man alright customer questions does the cord to this lamp contain chemicals known to cause cancer do you plan on eating it well I would have said only in California it's heavy I sometimes receive documents in larger than your average letter size that are clearly labeled do not bend my mailman seems to be either lazy or incompetent or both and instead of leaving these documents on my doorstep or porch because this would require getting out of the car he bends and folds them then stuffs them into my mailbox anyway this often will crease important documents or photos so whenever this happens I log on to Amazon and order a 50 pound bag of play sand while it doesn't decrease my documents it does make me feel a lot better about watching him deliver it works fine I cannot hear my wife thanks Alan how it works airzooka is the fun gun that blows a harmless oh man I missed the air zookas let's see can you force a fart into it and blow it into someone's face across the room I can confirm this I received one of these as a Christmas gift while deployed naturally it took a few minutes for two of my soldiers to attempt firing a fart through it the key is to have the Gunner and hold the weapon while the loader does his thing it took nearly two full seconds for the blast to cross the tent resulting in the major suddenly flailing his arms and yelling oh God I got it in my mouth 10 out of 10 best present received that year one star split in the crotch I was wearing these shorts around the house when a few friends stopped by we were all sitting around watching TV when I reached at a weird angle for the remote the crotch scene pulled apart and my scrotum came spilling out right in front of my friends this was pretty embarrassing picture not attached came out through your underwear recommended by a world's worst mom I bought this for a generally ungrateful and entitled 21 year old daughter she wears about a 12. usually I order an XL it fit and looked great on her and if she had refrained from her moodiness it would have been an even better effect when I listened to her list my Myriad of faults this cute dress gave me some distraction to try to tune her out it cost about the same as a pack of birth control pills in 97 which may have been a more prudent investment Jesus okay five stars my wife bought this is for our pregnancy announcement and it was too big I saw my opportunity and knew what I had to do this dress does it all you want to feel pretty check Majestic sure pregnant of course hot it's lit fam I'd rate this a perfect five out of five I'm not sure how it works for the ladies but it made me feel like a queen in the reviews for a weighted blanket one star I miss my wife this is gonna be fun I never considered the ramifications of this sure the wife loves it but if you buy it you'll never be able to get close to your wife again it creates a freaking Wall of China in bed it's like she's wearing a freaking suit of armor to bed every night I hate this thing you know it took me years to finally get one but I was finally sent a 15 pound weighted blanket by the finished GF and it's been nice I don't think I can go back to just normal blankets on their own I'm crying while typing my ex-girlfriend bought this on my account I'm still hurt from the breakup but Amazon's bugging me about a review so I'm a lurker on her Instagram so I see the outfit and give an honest review on her behalf even though I I was unable to see it in person she looks great in this two-piece and it fits every curve just right I can just imagine all the attention she's getting in this although I'm sad I'm very happy she made this purchase what the hell man fan blade broken while I was sleeping this product is not safe I was sleeping and the fan just broke and hit part of my head five stars okay beware not a nature documentary I figured with the title it was a documentary and how urbanization is affecting Wildlife but no it's about some scumbag that does a bunch of drugs and has a boat stop reviews dude it's happiness I seriously don't write reviews like this I don't write reviews but I have been grumpy every morning since I knew myself and this indoor garden thingy changed my mornings like I actually don't care if basil is it basil grows up or not but it makes me curious to see if it grew anyway at least some sort of excitement one time I saw the first small Leaf dude that was the best morning I'm happy for you man why does it smell when it wait why does it smell and when does it go away mine has no smell maybe you should wash your ass a lot of people just don't do that and it's very concerning be sure you really need 60 condoms before you buy 60 condoms so these are some great condoms right but I'm just here to give you some life advice I bought these back when I was in a relationship with someone way out of my league I figured after how long we've been together I should just start buying protection of bulk right so I buy 60 condoms and we keep getting it on for a while until she dumped me now I have a drawer by My Bed full of completely Superfluous condoms they sit there mocking me as I drunkenly cradle myself to sleep cold and alone and my pathetic excuse of an apartment great product though good Lube it's Lube not much to say sometimes I let cover in my body and pretend to be a slug while sliding around my bathroom dude that is an ancient copy pasta comment man well it fits the Cat my 16 year old daughter bought this thing it's ridiculously small and I probably couldn't legally post a picture of what it looks like if she attempts to wear it but so you can see here's a picture of our cat wearing it to be fair it does cover all the cats nipples however she hates the weed in summary don't buy this even for your cat my dog loves them dogs love these chews not too big either the dogs love them dear AKC your long lasting bone lasted all of five minutes if that's your idea of a long lasting bone then I feel sorry for your wife oh my God two out of 5 Stars a fun way to ruin a weekend and blow a hundred bucks we took this ball out to the beach and after a oh close to two hours to Pump It Up we pushed it around for about 10 fun-filled minutes that was when the wind picked it up and sent it hurtling down the beach at about 40 knots it destroyed everything in its path children screamed in Terror at the giant inflatable monster that crushed their sand castles grown men were knocked to the were knocked down I can't read today God knocked it down trying to save their families the faster we chased it the faster it rolled it was like it was mocking us eventually we had to stop running after it because its path of injury and destruction was going to cost us a fortune in legal fees rumor has it it could still be seen stalking innocent families on the Florida Panhandle we lost it in South Carolina so so there's something to be said about its durability yeah that's that's definitely a gamble it's just gonna end up in the ocean as more plastic that's well a waste my cat is special the product itself is fine and I assume it works as it's designed to if your cat actually gets in it my cat's struggling with understanding how to use it and after having it for over a month still has not actually sat in it once well 3 out of 5 Stars isn't fair then just return it and stop there's spoons spoon shaped and great for spoon type activities hard to review a spoon they're spoon shaped and haven't failed to do any spoony actions I just haven't asked any of them today well it's definitely a bucket includes all the features you love from a bucket roundness bucketness Comfort plastic grip holds water and other things easy five stars oh my God that image Locator Beacon for Ninja alpaca stealthy alpaca is well stealthy he's very difficult to locate on my five acre uh wherever in the dark he doesn't make any audible noises and unlike the horses you can't even hear his footsteps he takes great pleasure in hiding behind bushes and not revealing his location as I walk past just 10 feet away calling his name I'm sick of thinking he's escaped stolen or dead illumicine collar solves the problem ninja no more sucker I hate these shoes five stars I hate these shoes yes I gave it a five star rating and I hate them I'm a cook and I have to wear non-slip Footwear to work I've tried many different non-slip shoes over the course of a decade and these the most reliable easiest to clean affordable and utilitarian shoes I found my feet never hurt let me repeat that my feet never hurt but here's the thing these shoes are so ugly I hate wearing them and they do not breathe at all but they allow me to do my job without having to worry about my feet and that is legitimately all I can really ask of a work shoe so I'll continue to order these stupid shoes every 9 to 12 months when the non-slit bottoms wear out until I graduate from college and I can finally tell the company for whom I work to suck it I've been a professional medium for 15 and a half years and am very sensitive to all of the energy forces that surround us the instructors are great and the facility is clean but when I walked into the studio I was assaulted by the dark energy radiating from Monica at the front desk hey man that's not cool Monica didn't do this to you never drink Five Hour Energy whatever you do do not fill up a super big gulp Cub with Five Hour Energy and chug the whole thing my heart has either stopped completely or is beating so fast I can't my own pulse cons I haven't slept in 72 hours can't feel my face I peed this morning and I'm pretty sure it was 99 blood Bros I've deep cleaned my entire apartment and I can read minds five stars I'm the author and I think I did a pretty good job very efficient extremely good cutter Cuts almost through everything including skin tendons and flesh thumbs up for this product was that its intended use I mean was it really does this shoot ice cold toilet water right up your butthole yes can this double as a drinking fountain yes does it tickle yes but only in a good way terrible terrible terrible tell me how shipping crickets in this way makes any sense at all I opened the box and my house was flooded with hundreds of tiny crickets the size of coffee grounds I am disgusted maybe just don't order crickets on Amazon in the future it's a trap not only does this bean bag completely consume you and keep you stuck in comfortable bliss all day but there was another consequence we encountered this beanbag traps farts my husband sits there farting for hours and the farts are absorbed into the beanbag and you don't smell them again until you sit on it and then the fumes are released super comfortable traps farts sweet beautiful silence I've had a cricket somewhere in my kitchen for weeks I've searched high and low for it for a while I thought it was my fridge making sounds was it I'm not sure I was losing my sanity sometimes it happened during the day or at night sometimes it would stop and then I would come in and it would start where I left once I heard the chirping and metastasized in the back of my mind it's all I could hear I couldn't sleep was just the chirping of the cricket always endlessly the first night with this trap out there there were no results and I thought I was doomed this is my life now nothing could rid me of this Troublesome Cricket the only thing left is to burn this house to ashes then on the second night I'm sitting at home and what do I hear nothing nothing at all beautiful Blissful silence I dug out the Trap and what do I find the One Singular Cricket he looked at me as if to say father is it over then I softly replied no king lives forever my son and I chucked his ass in the trash is it melodramatic to say a five dollar insect trap changed my life I'm not sure but it did 10 out of 10. would recommend [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 782,076

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Amazonreviews

Id: oeuCC5m5jmY

Length: 18min 52sec (1132 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 08 2022