R. Kelly Sings the Story of His Life for 45 Minutes | GQ

we rolling I'll be rolling are we rolling I'll be rolling this is my life I'm are Kelly and this is my life this is my life isn't my how am i Kelly and this is my lie grew up on the south side chicago born in 1967 and my eyes have seen a lot of things coming up in the hood Jeffrey - I kill Gardens 63rd and Michigan all the south side what no punk man I tell you I've seen a lot of junk you know coming up you know I'm been through a lotta my mom my family though we had not much of anything we had family we had us we had love and I believe no I know that's what got us through you know that's what landed me here I fell from the sky landed on the ground all I know is man you know I was like a sea I was like fish in the middle of an ocean and then I woke up as a well in the middle of a pond that's how it went down for me man I blink my eyes and next thing you know I was in the midst of success in the midst of drama in the midst of rumors in the midst of love but in the midst of haters but somehow my gift which was my music my depth of struggle was fed into my gift and somehow my gift ignited to the point where I was able to communicate with the world and that's the world to rescue me and the men and I opened my mouth and started to sing oh that changed everything and I don't know where nowhere I mean I walked through the drug dealers walked through the pimps and the holes and the hustlers through the hood the drugs was offered to me I've been shot up and stabbed but I still to this day made a tree out of the slums out of the alleys out of the the deep deep deep dark hood sometimes I don't know sometimes I don't know just how I got here just how I made it just how I made it just how I made it but I'm glad I did I'm glad I did all I want to do is music you know ever since I was a eight years old I could remember having a dream about being 20-something and in that dream I remember playing the piano a white piano hearing a melody and the melody at eight years old in my dream where I was 20 when dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah here 20 years later 25 years later I grew up I become famous and I'm sitting at a house where I bought my first piano which was a white piano and I began to play a song I began to start writing on a song and that same melody when I was 8 came to me and I couldn't figure out where I heard this melody from at first I thought I was like stealing this melody but I come to realize that as the lyrics came to me I believe I can fly I believe I can touch the sky I think about it every night and day spread my wings and fly away tear comes down my eye because I said why I wrote this song when I was a coming up in the hood I saw so many things though so many things brought me all of my dreams and now Here I am Here I am today Here I am Here I am today I want to say I'm proud of my past um but more than I am proud I'm more thankful because people ask me all the time if you can go back in the past what would you change I say I wouldn't change a thing they say what all you've been through you wouldn't change nothing I said no they say why I say why should I look at me I'm strong I'm wise I'm appreciative I don't take nothing for granted my pass shaped and molded me into Who I am today I think struggle is the best thing if you know how to deal with it if you know how to overcome if you know how to deal with your problems cuz if you know how to deal with your problems and depending on how you deal with your problems that will become the measure that will become the measure the measure of your worth but you have to know how to deal with you anything that happened to me in my past anything I've been through in my past I look back behind me and I say this is where God brought me from best gift in life it's breathing in and out so I'm very thankful if I had nothing if I never saw one record I was always taught how to be thankful for the gift of breathing in and out because long as you can breathe in and out you can make oh you can make it you can make it you can make you can make it up you can make it as long as you breathing long as you alive you can make it up and I always used to sing in the shower because I was too shy to sing anywhere else so I was singing the shower I thought I started good but you know my sister would always be on the door tell me to stop calling halls get out of the bathroom because she had to get in there I looked at that like she was jealous and you know just wanted to get in the bathroom on the need to get out so she can be in there 20 times as long as I'm as I was in there so I thought it'd sound pretty good the shower gave me an echo a reverb a reverb that allowed me to hear myself so beautifully so clearly that it gave me the confidence to walk out of the shower eventually and sing throughout the house of course the house did not have the same reverb outside did not have the same reverb but when I dropped out of high school and became a street performer I was trying to find that reverb that could echo my voice that could echo my life so the world could hear the gift that I had in me and people asked me to this day what do you think about your success how does it feel to perform in front of a hundred thousand people holding up candles where it looks like a sea of fire I said all that's good and all and I appreciate that and I'm very thankful being able to touch so many people with my music with my songs but I tell you somehow I got that same feeling when I was a street performer down in the subways of Chicago yeah that's right I was a street performer I was a street performer I was a street performer I was a street performer now and I will always be first a street performer because that allowed me to develop my craft develop my gift and besides it's a great act go down there as well it was a great I go down there except for the Ale coming back but when the L will come by I was trying to challenge that L and sing loud in the Ellen Elroy I would try to sing louder and louder and louder louder lb we're going by I would get frustrated because I'm gonna get my money if these people don't hear me singing man I want to tell people what made y'all put an L here I'm trying to sing but then I come to realize that hey sometimes you have to rise of the noise find a way to rise above the noise Rob and I tried to rise above the L still wouldn't work so I became real slick I would be singing like this someday the world would know my name I would be singing like this someday the world would know my name and here comes the L and here come the air and here comes the air and I'll shut up into the air stop and when the air stop it became quite a kid and I would say I know someday the world and all robbers Robert's name and the people with clap oh I said that is gotta wait to the L stop that allowed me to develop my patience once I developed my patience I come to find that I had learned how to sing with strength because before I learned how to develop my patience I actually learned how to sing loud trying to sing over the air which gave me strength in my voice which gave me the ability to be to wring out like a bell when I sing it also allowed me to connect with people because I would be singing my songs that I wrote but I didn't feel there was a connection the only time I felt the connection is when I started noticing people were coming down from work to catch the L and he had McDonald bags in their hands and I was like um McDonough's if I ride a McDonald's song while these people are holding McDonald bags in their hands I'm gonna connect cuz they're gonna laugh and they're gonna say I can't believe these guys down here with a piano on a chitlin bucket singing to McDonald song and I just came from McDonald's they're gonna feel like I'm talking directly to them and that's going to make the connection so that's what I did I went home I said mama I got a write off McDonald song she said well you love McDonald's you ought to be able to write at McDonald song that's your favorite restaurant I said that's what I'm gonna do so I went in the room and I started messing with my little keyboard Casio that is and I said through McDonald's is the place for you when your day is through you can go to McDonald's and get yourself a big pack a Big Mac order of fries I see coke with apple pie no one does it like McDonald's do McDonald's and you and the people with clap and they were going in pockets oh I gotta pay this guy this guy's too good oh man I got the dollars in my hair and he singing McKnight all along he got to get paid so people started pulling out 50s I went from making maybe ten dollars a day from being there from 9:00 to 5:00 to making four to five hundred dollars a day because I made the connection now that I know how to make the connection took it to the next level hitchhiked all the way to LA even on a motorcycle yeah man like some guy's motorcycle 18 with a truck broken down van got me to LA where I lived on Venice Beach for like six months I'm talking about the sand park yeah I lived on the sand part in his Beach there was a bleacher and there was a basketball court and I would sleep under the beach bleacher and I would wake up and I would play basketball with the guys that play basketball oh and I would be killing them they'd be like where did this guy come from he's here every morning playing basketball with us and it was interesting because I would play basketball and then I would go in our street perform with this goddess skates with the good time on Venice Beach yeah and it was amazing times because those were the times I was paying my two that's right I was paying my dues that's right I was paying my dues my tools and sometimes you have to do that you have to pay your dues you cannot just wake up and be successful there's no real success without testimony the depth of your testimony determines the height of your success it's not where you are today is not how successful you are today it's what did you do where did you go what did you go through where have you been to to get to this point that's the engine I learned a long time ago after performing on Venice Beach I'd be a street performer in Chicago I went to every talent show you know trying to win but I lose all the time especially in LA because at this time LA was a you know a place of image you had to look upon not just sound good and all I had was basketball gear and I would do really good in the talent shows but my image I look like a Hooper because I was at the time so I lose but don't don't feel for me because see losing is only temporary you know losing I looked at as a rehearsal we all lose in rehearsal all the time over and over and over and over again until we get it right and that's the point of rehearsal you rehearse and rehearse and rehearse and rehearse you mess up you mess up you mess up until you get it right but la street performing the doors being closed the nose and all of those things that was my meal ticket somehow and I decided then I didn't want to be stars in the sky because though they amazed us as kids you know but they set their did you set their names barn but what amazed me and what I've always wanted to study and always wanted to become and I decided in my mind I told my mom I said mama I'm gonna be a shooting star she said what you mean say I don't really know what I mean but I know one thing I love the shooting star why would you love the shooters now you don't get to see it much I said I know it comes it goes you're lucky if you even see one I said I know and it's not like the other stars I said I know but that's the point if I'm gonna be a star I want to be a shooting star I don't want to be seen all the time that's not what I'm about I'm not about just sitting around in the sky I want to soar through the sky in and out of space people would tell me well you could do that you know sky's the limit I said no it's not I would always have my different sayings I would say space is the limit but if you can make it to space you can travel anywhere and my brain and my mind I mean you know it it just always wanted to go places no man is gone so to speak you know I always wanted to be a scientist of music not just music I wanted to experiment with my music I wanted to do arm arm beam but I also wanted to do the world's greatest but at the time I was told no you stay in this Lane R&B artist you're going to do the artist thing you you're not an arm be king and this the other I was never interested in being harm became people put that label on me and I appreciate anybody for saying that I'm the best at something but I never wanted to be the best at one thing never wanted to be the best at arm being I just wanted to be great at music so I decided to do I believe I can fly I decided to go on and do the world's greatest I decided to do country songs pop songs you know you were not alone for Michael Jackson because I never wanted to be trapped in a category and somebody said oh that's the army king I wanted to be known for just music that's mr. music yes he has no lane the highway the streets is he is if he wanted it to be but I came up in Chicago and the minute I was born is the minute my father left my mother yes the minute I was born is the minute my father left my mother and I use acts my mother where is well it's my father and every time she shunned a question she pushed me away she said never ask me that again son never asked me that again but it was hard because I would always see you know my brother's you know a father would come by every now and then and you don't take them out behind them things and Christmas Thanksgiving Easter you know Halloween and I wasn't jealous of my brothers but I would always you know become curious and frustrated because you know wanting a father not having to file the first of all it's automatically something missing in your life you know there's no doubt about that is you know I always felt half I always felt a hole in the situation though my mother was a mother father brother sister best friend and everything to me she never was really a father my sister father would come to every now and then but I never understood why my father was not with my mother that was just a something as a child I didn't understand it would hurt so damn bad it would hurt so damn bad and me being 8 years old I would be so damn sad as I got old as I got a hold I became closer to my mom me and my mom would go to McDonald's before she go to work before I go to school and she would get us a Danish it's all we could afford as a Danish in a cup of coffee but and we would split the Danish and cup of coffee she would his cheap lipstick and she would I put three creams and six sugars in the coffee and she was stirred up she would open the Danish split it with the little plastic white knife she had this cheap lipstick and she would taste the coffee to make sure it was sweet enough and she leaves the ring of lipstick on the coffee which she tastes the coffee and I remember when she would give me mine when I was sick from the cup I would turn it around and I would drink from her lipstick part because in the Sun by the way I had a serious serious crush on my mom because she could sing about and I just looked up and down to her I looked around I look everything about my mother you know I love them and I even asked her to marry me one day I was like nine she said no but you know what I understood I understood I took it well and so when my mom passed I was coming from my first concert from overseas which I wanted her to go with me because that was the only way I was gonna get on the plane huh so when I got back from overseas and my mom passed the day I got back three weeks later I went away she is heavyset she was my mom I come back she was very very very very very very very very very very very very skinny I had no idea she had cancer I had no idea she was even sick I went straight to Rosalyn hospital in 111 in Chicago and my sister and brother I remember them to this day she's mom's very sick you might not want to go in there right of course you think it cold you're thinking the ammonia you thinking she's gonna be okay so I go in the room peek my head in see the pastor with my mother see the doctors first thing my mom said is she screamed get out of our bird I don't want you to see me like this get out Robert I don't want you to see me like the is all I can say is I'm sorry mom I'm so sorry I didn't know what else to say didn't even look like my mother but I knew it's my mother I walked up to her bed that is the doctor who passed excuses if my brother's name they excuse us it was me and my mom she said please leave please I said mama please don't make me leave some I gotta tell you I said first of all I love you and I thank you for everything you have done everything everything you've done for me mom and I'm sorry for every time I've been bad or did something I wasn't supposed to do and I promise you she died right there only I promise you called the doctor they came in they pronounced her dead I was still holding her hand but I finished my sentence see I promised your mama no matter what by any means necessary I will be the one of the best singers songwriters this world has ever seen I made my mom that promise and I'm still on a journey today to fulfill that promise in which I will perform and sing and write like one of the best who has ever done it I told it to my mom only to my gift more than anything now hold it to my fans just to be one of the best not the best one of the best who has ever done it's gonna be a little turbulence but my teacher mentor pasta and I like to call her my mrs. Miyagi my music teacher Lena McMann she said do not write songs write life sex is life so don't judge me don't be mad at me if I make a gospel album that's life don't go getting hating and spreading rumors on me because I made a club banger that says you may be used to me spending and all that sleep wining and dining learn you tonight now don't judge me because I don't judge nobody when I go and see a good movie and somebody get the head blown off I just enjoy the movie and I appreciate the movie I appreciate the writing I appreciate how they told the story I appreciate I don't get into oh man they got all these guns and they shooting kids and they shooting these people so don't get mad at me if I write a song say you remind me of my Jeep it's just metaphors it's just entertainment it's the gift no different than Bruce Lee it's a gift Bruce Lee was Ali Ali was Michael Jordan Michael Jordan was Superman Superman with spider-man and spider-man was Batman Batman was Martin Luther King I Luther King was Moses there's certain people certain images that come to entertain us to take us through history and all food genres and decades and years and years of struggling but inspiring us to be successful at the same time that's all I want to be don't hit me I'm an artist people and artists are going to go to depths chosen artists I decided not to climb the mountain first I decided to learn how to hold my balance that's the struggle once I struggle and learn how to hold my balance then I can start my client because why the mountain is a peak at the time it's very windy you can get blown off just like that that's why I decided to hold my balance learn the hold my balance first because I don't want to stop my client I'm and get a fare in the easiest thing blow me off I want to be able to hold my balance and hold my balance strong I want to be able to stand at the top of that mountain say I'm not coming down until I feel like it I've earned that right because I worked my ass off trying to hold my balance yes right I'm proud of me I don't have pride I'm just proud of me and I suggest no I urge you to do the same to think the same feel the same be the same learn how to hold your balance before you start climbing that mountain because that's how one hit wonders happen everybody so anxious to climb the mountain and knock all the people down trying to get there and when they get to the top they start developing a pride and an ego and out of nowhere whatever happened to us what's that guy name he was out here that one song he didn't learn how to hold his balance before he started his climb that's why I'm still here that's why I'm still in the game because to me it is not a game people say this people say that they talk about me behind my back they talk about me in front of my face they talk about me at the side I can hear the whispers I can see the gestures I can feel the spirit of negativity all around me people steal my watches they steal my my my cars they steal my gold and steal everything from me you take my money mmm but I wouldn't change a thing cuz I'm not in it for money not anything watches I'm not in it for jewelry I'm not in it for women I'm not even for cars and clothes and houses and this is just something I was born to do and I will be doing it until Jesus come back I love music I'm pregnant by it I'm having a plaits yeah you're gonna love my babies I'm gonna raise I'm gonna come over boom they're gonna poop all those things out this morning to get them ride my bike 14 years old my mom said you can go two blocks and come back I said okay mama two blocks and back okay mama two blocks and back I promise two brats and back then I get on my little huffy do like this cuz I used to do this because I just didn't want to think it was a motorcycle and I say boom boom boom boom boom and I started paddling my bike thought I was the coolest guy in the world heard a gunshot I look to my right of them to my laughing them high me I know what happened and out of nowhere I started feeling woozy got really dizzy I started feeling myself then I felt and I did this my hand was full of blood and I loved my arm was swollen up so big like a kneecap was on my arm right here and I failed I hit the ground off my bike and I remember opening my eyes just a little bit I saw these guys running towards me and I said to myself but actually it was the guys that shot me they were taking my bike laying there I can hear people screaming I could hear people coming next thing you know I remember waking up in the hospital and I remember the doctor telling my mother did they couldn't move the bullet out of my arm it's gonna grow a tissue around it because it's too close to a nerve if they touch that nerve it could paralyze my whole arm or the right side of my body oh don't y'all touch me I have a career you know 14:13 but I'm gonna be somebody and I can't do that being paralyzed I said mama please don't let him cut me mother she said don't worry about it baby they not gonna touch you it's gonna be all right you're gonna be all right at the time I really love basketball I thought I'd never shoot the ball again but I developed a shot it's funny because the bullet was in my arm and every time I shoot a ball or lift my arm I feel that bullet that bullet I decided was going to be the constant reminder of the terrible luck I had coming up as a kid or it was gonna be a wonderful reminder how lucky and how blessed I am to be here today and of course I chose the second one are you kidding me look at me look what I've been through look look how many people I believe I can fly has been able to touch from here to Africa and everywhere around the world all kids graduating to it people feeling like they can walk out of the hospital and they feel better they don't even have to know who wrote the song is people they love the song and don't even identify me with the song I'm good with that because that song was not about me that song was a seed planet in the earth for people to grow and blossom and going and live their dreams like I've been blessed and able to do mine coming up in the hood my mother and my stepfather fought like cats and dogs I hated it but somehow the love she had for him I I chose to love him to wear my brother's name Oh another story my sister they hated him I found a way to love him because my mom loved coming up in the hood I don't even know how I got here I don't I don't even know I don't know what these cameras are about I don't I don't know magazines and photo shoots and videos and wart shows and Grammys and it's all still so surreal to me because my past is so strongly embedded in my head and it's I don't know how I look past all of that and made it to where I am today but I'm thankful that I did I'm thankful because I want somebody else out there to say wow he did it I can do it all you have to do just believe all you have to do is have faith all you have to do is see what it is you want and become very stubborn and become very determined nobody but nobody's going to tell you that success ain't mine that basketball scholarship that that that trophy that championship game that ring that football touchdown that isn't mine and now that I got the ball right life pass me the ball I got it I caught it I'm running if I stop I'm gonna get tackled by a lot of people tri-state I stay running from now on I'm gonna be on the bright side of things no more I can't do it it's my life I'm gonna live here and maybe maybe I'll succeed what a wonderful thing to get about this hood would be and maybe maybe times will change someday the world they would know Roberts name

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Id: Hag6nKmk7j4

Length: 45min 46sec (2746 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 26 2016