Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher (2000-05-09)

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] tonight the median crew carry Star Trek's Jeri Ryan from The O'Reilly Factor Bill O'Reilly John Taylor [Applause] all right hey okay I know why you're happy today it's a big lottery I in that did you hear this the big game lottery the drawing that this the biggest prize ever three hundred and fifty million dollars that's that's serious screw you money now the officials said today they said this prize could not get any higher if it was sharing a limo ride with Whitney Houston that's [Applause] now a big turn in the lovebug story you know have you been hit by the i-love-you virus on the computer they arrested a guy yesterday in the Philippines that's where they get started they released him today said didn't have enough evidence but they still think it's a woman I'm fascinated by that because I've always thought of computer geeks as guys but they think it's know that but they still think this is a woman because there's a new virus called the I love you but not in that way [Applause] now big news on the Republican side I guess you saw it on the news John McCain has now officially endorsed george w bush or president and when i say officially i mean that boy was that apparently a bitter pill for mccain to swallow it was did not seem to do it with the great enthusiasm below he said his quote was I look forward to enthusiastically campaigning for George Bush the translation I will stop calling him a jackass at cocktail parties finally you know we've been fighting a drug war for about 500 years apparently still not working the big story in the USA today is that there was a resurgence in heroin guessed among who teenage girls isn't that terrible teenage girl suburban teenage girls who hang out them all are using heroin not a good thing and also bad for the boys I mean can you imagine how demoralizing it is as a young boy to pick up the guards to ask a young girl out and ever say not tonight I'm washing my syringe okay [Applause] he's a founding member of Duran Duran you can buy his new solo CD John Taylor on his website at John Taylor online.com it's great I saw him at the Viper Room John Taylor right overhead the air [Applause] in fact there is Joe on the Fox Network eight o'clock at night mr. Bill O'Reilly right over here she is the very lovely 7 of 9 on Star Trek Voyager Wednesdays at 9:00 on another channel Jeri Ryan right [Applause] how are you very funny star of the new Carey Show when is 9 right here on ABC and Drew Carey's hi Fight Club on the United States radio network and that other show was lighters anyway he's the drool of all media Drew Carey ladies [Applause] okay and actually you know you're looking very svelte which you will think you must are you doing something or I'm actually the heaviest now I've ever weighed it's probably this is the shirt or something really okay right okay let me tell me I was naked maybe that's grata with a playboy right where we'll be filming next week going to the playboy men okay the reason I bring this up is because this is actually very big news and they may have heard it today San Francisco has passed an ordinance in other words it is a law now you cannot discriminate it against the obese which is I think it amazing it's about time speaking for the flame of the people on this side of the table well except that this will create a new class of plaintiffs is the problem is that when you go to fire somebody you can't just say you know what you're a jerk because if you fire them they'll say well you fire me because I'm a factor yeah that's act as if this is meant to just enough society but exactly and I think it's wrong no it's going to lead to big trouble is fat strippers [Music] [Applause] and that my friend will be the follow but you and I both know there are already supporting single mothers all I know but when somebody could go for a job at Hooters and the person would have to hire them or else it would be discrimination and right I just think that you know this country has gone down this path of total communism now we're know I mean it I greet my unfairly San Francisco has see that temperature is not like the rest of the country and that's what people have to understand here we have a city where the mayor wanted to give the bums in the street of a credit card so they could run their credit card good mayor Willie Brown said we should give them credit card slips so that you can give me your credit card if you want to give money to them we have a city councilman in relly happy neither true take it from me and he was re-elected mayor brown on that platform giving the homeless credit card slips we have a city council member who said you know the homeless should be allowed to drink on the street in public because you have a martini bill in your home and that's their home street the logic is great but that San Francisco it's it's the twilight zone but it's not just San Francisco where there are what they call fat acceptance societies and you know I've gotten a bad but we call yeah they do they call them tile there's a group there's a group called fat so get it fatso and like this the leader of this group she's five for 270 and look just you take it as soon carry in a minute I just wanted get any dry so okay that's what she feels and she says we don't need a diet and that is the attitude and you know what oh basically is a huge health issue yeah and if they don't work on a diet that's why they agree with that except that everybody else in this country has to toe the line because somehow the argument got to be that we're all going to pay for your health bill smokers it's okay to discriminate against them and insult them because it's making them quit and drug users it's okay to get on their case but somehow eating is okay somehow Twinkies are wholesome goodness right well it was the American Way it's plenty isn't it it's it's you know it's the size the portions that everything is okay to consider huge Genesis you know and it's it's it's criminal actually that that's the only kind of food that is made available to people in that economic we actually have malnutrition these people because they eat a lot of food but it's food some Doritos it's all perfect re it's nobody's bill that's okay it's nobody's business they want to eat twink I agree there's nobody's business but look when you start we becomes your business if you've got a health system if you're trying to provide for those people and your concern for their welfare what should I buy for them though if they they get sick they have to pay their own bills or the government pays them but they haven't pays for other people to you realize that there are heroin addicts getting welfare checks every month I mean if you're going to start to regulate conduct you have to separate the legal eating from the illegal drug P now what are we going to do we are we going to say to Ally McBeal a put-on wait boy you know we can't start that if it's legal you can go but the question is why are some harmful endeavors illegal and some not it's not that the government says you can't do drugs it says just do the drugs that are on our list so you can have my cheeseburger when you can pry it from my cold dead fingers wouldn't be easy I think it's because the government rules at conduct detrimental to other people is wrong and shouldn't be done so you're 99 100 you're not going to run over five little kids after a Twinkie but if you down a quart of so many of them is they'll say you're basing this on what people might do right that's not in our Constitution well it is now with all the people if the political people in San Francisco had their way it would be what people might do that's how they think about everything and I don't hate my actual behavior they go oh what if this pork that person might get discriminated against but isn't there a difference between intoxication and eating bonbons and has 100 here a woman in love yeah yeah I have protected commercial will be [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] last week was the White House Correspondents Dinner with Josh I think I did that dinner a few years ago I got in a lot of trouble for it it's a very hard dinner to perform at because it's a bunch of politicians who are thin skin and not naturally enough they are made a big stink about what President Clinton did this year no it's traditional for the President himself to make some humorous remarks he one up that this year and he made a video which show a little bit of this video because this has been some of this it's you know the idea the idea behind the video was that he's a lame duck and he's got nothing to do in the White House so he's just hanging around the wife and if you know it was very funny he got a standing ovation at the White House Correspondents Dinner naturally enough the hard-ass Republicans are saying you know how dare he waste the people's time and money when he should be doing nothing but of course apologizing because he liked sex never they will never get over that and you know why can't they just let this guy do what he does best which is of course run the world I got to tell you I'm not even a fan of his and I thought the video was fine those early very funny yeah I thought it was you know the Correspondents Dinner especially it's not like he just out of nowhere came up he just came up with a lot of Noren so they have made this video when he go home after why that butter you know was for the White House Correspondents Dinner where the roast beef funny he did a great job and because he gets a great job cause he's a sociopath he doesn't know right from wrong [Music] [Applause] why don't I know white company well he doesn't know right from wrong because he likes a sociopath no it's not the sex part it's all the lying and everything else it is about everything else I just hate the line I first presidential ah I hate no he's not I hate them all understand nothing let's talk about him we're talk about him specifically but I hate all the person and I just I even I see nothing wrong that he made the video now this video was very funny and I thought it was very entertaining and it would be great on a sitcom which I believe Bill Clinton will show up on right after you seen it but what does the man do all day long they said he couldn't get involved with Elian Gonzalez because he's too busy too busy making the video so we had a crash into it right right well it took two hours yeah quite you know on a Saturday instead of playing golf he made the video no what is he gonna do all day what does he do all day does anybody know he runs well well it makes big decision or a year he had to invite other people who were mad at him for liking sex which took a year out of America's life too for the separation of Monica Lewinsky and go listen to that lis whacker that was important because he it wasn't cuz he would like that we all like sex was he wasn't trustworthy enough to keep his marriage vows to his own wife [Applause] you can't if you can't keep it in his pants just for his term of office but you could say that about Thomas Jefferson and their government and they will say it about and they have some great you could say that about almost any president FDR was having affairs his wife was a lesbian yes really fused my I never was an actress Linda Johnson I mean if you want to his legend now in a way I mean I mean it's part of his legend he's performing on on King you know on cue this this kind of video it's exactly what people expect from him we shouldn't be surprised by anything he does and thank you for take him for what he is I like him frankly I love to State of the Union address this year it reminded me what I liked about him foot when he first came along and then he does something like this they kind of shoots himself in the foot a little bit you know but whatever we true that he Lord Paula Jones up to the hotel room and sexually assaulted her in a certain way what if that were true I don't know whether it was but what if it were first of all not even by her story I want to say a bad right now but I want I will [Applause] this is called this is called push polling it's a big trick among dirty campaigners what if people will call up during a campaign saying what if you knew that John McCain was exposing himself to boys at Kmart uh what if even by Paula Jones story he didn't sexually assault her he found her pants in front of he dropped his pants in front of her and said hey right here you go now some might think that's an assault I what an opera he didn't call the store no one is denying that he's a bad what approach er a pan of and the reason why is because he is so busy working on your case man on our case 24/7 that's why he's we're going to be here talking yet that's why he was talking on the phone to congressman when Monica was doing them because he's busy did I throw I want to be I want to be my lawyer contigo even at 3:00 in the morning he's stroking congressman don't make the joke bill do you think there's any correlation between the rise of oral sex among twelve and thirteen-year-olds and monica lewinsky president no no no logging on there because that's your other stupid argument what do we tell the children like when I was six years old I was going how much tail is I getting in here on the news every night about who the president was sleeping you really want to do is you're every night we were but wait that if you really think that kids care about the president in the sex life I was thinking that they care about it they're hearing about it if the news HAP I mean I have a son as a five year old what I was trying shield him from the news at all times and you two get here at any we think he was affected by the Clintons good no I'm not saying that I think he was but I'm saying that I think the possibility exists it was it was a different we can't use the example of when we were kids we didn't think about what the president was doing because it wasn't an option it wasn't what was talked about last thing I wanted to pick an exception so public now right Linton had sex three times in his life in a blue suit and look what President he was I mean he's the one who had to resign in disgrace got us on an arm buddy [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] join us tomorrow when our guests will be actor William Baldwin from the nucleus on his and Senator Joe Lieberman [Music] well what with all the talk about the I love you bug this week in Cooter's I got to reading about it and you know there is a big issue going on with this thing called Nats turd you know this is Napster if you're a feet you know it's basically a piece of software that allows it's mostly college students who do this to download any music off the internet and you can almost get any record when I was a kid we taped it off the radio but you got the disc jockey talking already was kinda crappy and the sound quality was crappy but this is pretty much excellent quality the same you should get in the store and it's taking money out of the pockets of record executives who need it for drugs and I'm no fan of record executives but I mean isn't isn't larceny larceny isn't this okay so what is the difference fundamentally between taping off the radio in the 60s and 70s like we did and and getting the music from a site like that today I mean it's just we've made the Qualla logical advancement and that's it but like when we were kids we were perfectly happy with the quality of the recording we made off the radio I mean personally I'm kind of sick of these multi multi-millionaire rock stars as you stand to lose this dancer but not even not in the bigger scheme of things you know in the fact that people are communicating that exchanging the music they're talking about music enthusiastically I don't think it's ever going to mean that people are going to stop buying the music when they can afford it well you know why is old people like us who can't figure out Napster and it's kind of tricky I'll try you could get actually I don't want to ask you a question because you're recording ours but first of all member the coldest Rockies would say okay start your tape recorder now yeah but do you think that maybe it's a waiting people just sample it they get idea then they get excited about then they go buy the CD so you're not there where's your next dent and you want the copy you want over that you want the lyrics you know on the whole package your well you want to buy the white album you want to get not exactly a cherry can directly try to Riley joined on a CD he can't because the thieves fall through the crack when you put the jewel under somebody I'm just saying and you know that because that I saw the awesome scream me to miss Oregon Dawson three the music industry is generating millions more than it's ever ever done in its what good industry isn't that's no argument to say well you could steal from us I mean you could make that argument about Microsoft and break them up or I guess they're doing oh you know people pirate software with I'm the first copy of Microsoft Word I ever had was a copy that my brother gave me that was illegal but I liked it I learned how to use it and every time I bought tons of copies of Microsoft Word after that I realized I hire Richard I don't think like I still think people should pay for the artist should get paid I mean I'm not if you're going to copy shouldn't just copy and try to not pay them you should at least buy the CD okay well I'm not going to get paid unless I take it [Applause] [Music] all right here's John Taylor's new record please buy it because you know the man doesn't know second self and he's going to be up and he's going to be out of hair dye Marlon Redgrave Al Franken ready take

Channel: NoCowEyes

Views: 71,210

Keywords: Politically Incorrect (TV Program), Bill Maher (Author), Drew Carey (Author), Bill O'Reilly (Author), Jeri Ryan (TV Actor), John Taylor (Musical Artist), Comedy (TV Genre), Talk Show (TV Genre)

Id: FYfOJ-yMZ_8

Length: 20min 48sec (1248 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 29 2013