FROG: "Ribbit-ribbit." JONATHAN: "Yamero!" [*whack*] ZEPPELI: (exhales in Japanese) [*ploonk*] Well, thatās going to take some explainingā¦ So, with the announcement of the āGolden Windā anime adaptation, nowās about the time to cover āJojoās Bizarre Adventureā, āPhantom Bloodā. Yes, Iām aware there is a āGolden Windā game, I havenāt played it. I have few doubts itās better than this one, and funnily enough, it predates this āPhantom Bloodā adaptation by 4 years. We may come to the āGolden Windā game some day. There is a fan translation project ongoing! Hereās hoping they donāt get noticed by anyone too big. BUCCIARATI: āThis taestā¦ Itās that of a liarā¦ā BUCCIARATI: āZHORNO ZHOVANA!ā As you can guess, both of these never came to the west. In the case of āPhantom Bloodā, we werenāt really missing much. Itās a 3D beat-em-up, and may not only be one of the worst Iāve played, but one of the worst Iāve played that I walked away from with a begrudging respect. There are a small handful of reasons for why this is, and theyāll become apparent the further in we get. Now, this video is meant, both, for people into the series and total newcomers. And Iām sure if you could speak Japanese, the same is true for the game itself! Fortunately for everyone, this game is interesting even without some of the āJoJoā flavour. For those who are new, āJojoās Bizarre Adventureā was a shounen, now seinen manga thatās been ongoing since 1987. Itās known for itās gorgeous artwork, campy melodramatics and bizarre puzzle battles loaded with creative use of gimmicky supernatural powers. While later parts focus on spiritual entities called Stands, Parts 1 and 2 focus on the art of breathing to punch sunlight and escape writing oneself into a corner. There are eight Parts, each of them following a different member of the JoJo bloodline, in a different time and place. Part 1: āPhantom Bloodā, kicks the series off with Jonathan Joestar, a Liverpudlian noble child in the late 1800s. Jonathan is an idiot, and spends his life yearning to be a chivalrous, quintessential British gentleman. This life of vague want is disturbed when his father George Joestar brings in the orphaned Dio Brando, who is a bit of a wrongān. The story begins with an Aztec tribe performing a sacrifice. The blood is smeared on a stone mask, causing spikes to jut out and clamp into the back of the Chiefās head, granting him immortality. We then cut to Victorian England. The Chief never comes up again, so I can only assume immortality didnāt quite pan out. Weāre in the home of Dario Brando, and heās on his deathbed. He reveals to his son Dio that some time ago he was out robbing corpses, when one of them happened to awake, and mistake Dario for a good Samaritan. Now, twelve years later, with an imagined debt George Joestar has to Dario, Dio is told to head to the Joestar manor and be taken in. Later, over Darioās grave, Dio vows to become rich and powerful as Dario wanted, but reveals he was poisoning him ā revenge for abusing his mother and generally being a bit of a shit. Itās then that we cut to the first villains of the piece, Brat A and Brat B. They are harassing Erina Pendleton. And before they can become fetish trailblazers, Jonathan Joestar jumps to Erinaās defense, declaring himself a gentleman as he charges in, and thus begins our first fight. I want to bring to everyoneās attention that Jonathan is meant to not only be twelve, but a weakling. Donāt let his figure fool you, these are both facts. āPhantom Bloodāsā combat is at once incredibly sluggish, but also far too fast paced for its own good. Jonathan turns on a dime, but the camera canāt keep pace, itās downright lethargic, and makes it hard to even keep an eye on ONE attacker. Adding on to this, there is no lock on ā either hard or soft lock ā and this game really needs it. It became vital in several fights to use block, not to actually defend myself, but to shimmy Jonathan awkwardly into position, since otherwise, heās a lead figure skater. And even that metaphor is off base, since they would have inertia. Right now, we have three attacks: a light combo, a heavy push and a running strike. The latter two are used to open up opponents, but are rarely better than just keeping up punching. Theyāll block and dodge as they wish. When you dare to launch an attack, or worse, start a combo, Jonathan can no longer turn, and with no soft lock to direct attacks, it can actually be difficult to even aim attacks at opponents. On top of this, Jonathan dedicates heavily to his hits. Besides this, you do have the aforementioned block and a dodge. The block, as I said, is mostly useful for repositioning. Both of these do more or less just work fine. A ton of I-frames on the dodge so exploit it. And this is handy, since enemies have a ton of health, and they do a fair bit more damage than you. There is also no way of hitting downed enemies, and every single combo in the game has an attack with knock down in it. Plus, there is a two bar health system, with red health that can slowly be replenished. This all leads to a game that has a fast, yet trundling tank of a man, with slow heavy attacks, that rewards keeping up pressure, then makes it so that keeping up any form of pressure is frustrating and tricksy, since enemies are knocked down, away, and out of your range constantly, meaning you regularly have to finagle everything back into place. Those who have read the manga will know that this is a fight Jonathan loses, and it wants you to follow script. And in my first attempt, with the sheer shock of these controls, youād best believe I got bullied. Should you pull through and win, however, the cutscene changes so that for a moment Jonathan revels in his victory. Then the brats realise who he is, and beat the shit out of him anyway. BRAT A: (belittles in Japanese) I dislike Jonathan, so personally Iām fine with this Mortonās fork. [carriage stopping] [*bash*] [*flop*] Dio makes his arrival at the manor in style, and kicks Jonathanās dog. So, one absolutely beautiful thing about āPhantom Bloodā is how unashamed it is in making Dio unlikeable. After a somewhat sympathetic background, he dives headfirst into being the worldās biggest shit. The very second he sees Jonathan, he considers focusing his life around how much he can make this man miserable. And he made the decision to go ahead with it before he even hit the ground. Looking at Danny howeverā¦ Yeah, I canāt blame him for feeling threatened. We cut to some time later, and Jonathan is out boxing. Clearly, after the brat incident he figured he needed to get bigger. Dio turns up and squares off against our pugilist hero. So, fight number two, and Jonathan has a completely new moveset. He dodges differently, punches differently, all with the exact same basic control issues mind (except, the dodge is worse). So, first point of begrudging respect: there are 15 different variations of Jonathan with 4 or 5 different move sets in total between them. There are 9 iterations of Dio, and the entire stable of characters seen in story mode is fully playable. Even those brats at the beginning. Even the Chief. So, it has a lot of characters, but I have to pull this back by saying there is no free battle option. No way to take the Kenshiro styled adult Jonathan and go to town on those brats. Thereās unlockable bonus battles, but those are preset. Iām going to qualify: every point of begrudging respect is not me saying theyāve made a good decision, or that this is a good part of a bad game. Itās me saying āYou had to have known this was a stupid idea, but you did it anyway. Iām impressed and confused.ā I respect people who think like that. Who, you know, can see a wall up ahead and think the best way through is with their skull. Once again, if you know your āJoJoā, you know this is another fight Jonathan loses. Iām willing to bet itās sheer luck to actually come out on top of this. Dio is a dodgy one, and in this case it is literal. I went down for the count on every attempt I made at this fight, but I do know that, should you win, the cutscene changes to Dio claiming Jonathan had a rock in his glove. And the audience buys it, so Jonathan loses face either way. But he has started going out with Erina, and naturally, Dioās on the scene. He steals a kiss from her, and her disgust sets Dio off. This leads to her cutting ties with Jonathan, leading to a bit of a sibling spat. And finally, more than half an hour after hitting start, begins the first fight you actually need to win. In the interim, Jonathan has combined his 12 year old wimp style with his later also 12 year old pitiful pugilism. It coalesces into a style that is just as bad. [angry shouting] But, thankfully age must be getting to Dio, since heās slowed down in his dultage. Itās also now that I have to be capable of winning that I learned my first real lesson about āPhantom Bloodā: fighting smart does not work. Be aggressive, and, as much as the game will allow, never let up. This is partly because enemies will just block and dodge as they wish, and you canāt really plan around pure chance, but itās also now that weāre given a time limit ā 300 seconds. Now, 5 minutes may seem like a good amount of time, but I assure you, it may not be enough. Especially if youāre of the wrong mindset of looking for openings and playing cautious. No, no, get in there! Make that opening! DIO: "G'YA-A-A-AH!!" [*don*] [*don-don*] [*don-don-don*] [*don-don-don-shwoosh*] Iāve got to give the game another bit of begrudging respect here. There are a lot of minor scenes and nuances gone, but besides that, this is a staggeringly faithful adaptation. To the point that itās willing to be worse as a video game for it, and make you sit down and wait half an hour before you actually need to do anything. It opens with two fights you canonically have to lose, and it spits in your face if you donāt. Then add on to the fact that you will spend a majority of your playtime listening to narrated manga panels. Since the gameplay outside of the main story is limited, this is most of the experience. This may be the worst way to experience the story of āPhantom Bloodā. This does predate the anime adaptation, so this is for people who want āJoJoā, who have to simultaneously be too lazy to read, yet patient enough for this really shoddy fighting. Okay, one major event is glossed over. This game never brings up that Dio put Danny in a furnace. Nevertheless, Jonathan is giving Dio a piece of his mind. And that makes the mask react ā it shunts off the wall. And I suppose itās at this moment Jonathan decided to become an archaeologist. Dio noticed it as well, but he already had a life plan. Since poisoning worked out last time, Dioās repeating it with George, but this time Jonathan stumbles upon the plot and gets involved. Itās the exact same fight, only upstairs, and about 8 years later. Fortunately, it is useful for confirming my non-stop attack strategy. DIO: "Kono Dio ga...!" It holds up so far. [*crush*] DIO: "G'wah!" [*thud*] After some attempted adopted fratricide, Jonathan sets off for London to track down the source of the poison and return with evidence. This brings him to Ogre Street, and to a much loved character. Jonathan is accosted by Robert E.O. Speedwagon and two of his cronies! And as you would guess, thugs do not fight fair, this is a three on one battle! Itās the worst fight yet. Your capabilities are not up to snuff for one enemy? Here, take on a gang! Each of them just as hardy as Dio! Speedwagonās actually tougher! And heās got a special hat. Fortunately, the AI swings between aggressive and passive pretty regularly, so most of this fight does have to abandon endless attack strategies for trying to trick them into a bunch of one on ones, in-between massive bouts of running away. And thatās a habit Jonathanās grandson will get some mileage out of. It doesnāt much suit Jonathan, who then refuses to kill a mugger. And Speedwagon, likely off his tits with opium, is so impressed by this act of mercy, he immediately devotes his life to following Jonathan around as his unofficial fight promoter. Elsewhere in the city, Dio is feeling down, worried that heās been caught, when he bumps into a couple of thugs of his own. They get far less mercy. And behold! The mask creates vampires! VAMPIRE: "W'A-A-A-AH!!" Sometime later, Dio arrives back at the Joestar manor where heās confronted by Jonathan, and told heās going to be taken in by the police. What follows is Dio pulling a sob story where he blames his actions on growing up poor and he just needs more time. Jonathan nearly lets him off the hook. But Speedwagon came prepared. He brought Dioās drug dealer, the police and George to this mock trial. I guess I should bring up at this point that Dio went to university to become a lawyer. That trait of his doesnāt often come up. Itās rare he gets to flex his legal muscles. Thereās a part of me that feels Jonathan and Dio got their degrees mixed up, thematically, at least. Dioās no archaeologist, but his study of the mask was by far and away more practical than Jonathanās. Dio surrenders, and requests Jonathan cuffs him. As he does, he blames his failings on his humanity, not his getting caught. And cuffing him was just a gambit to get Jonathan in range! I love this panel, Jonathan is so dense the knife is bending off him. I mean, thereās being thick and then thereās this! George intercepts the stab, and pays for it with his life. Thereās little time to grieve however, as Dio dons the mask, forsaking his humanity and becoming a vampire. I watched through part 1 with a friend. They came to the conclusion that āPhantom Bloodā is a classist diatribe. I have my doubts thatās the intention, but as Dio merrily skips through the window, ascending both the sill and his mortal form, I canāt help but feel heās happy to have gone from a figurative vampire to a literal one. The police attempt to dispatch him, but are powerless before the might of Dio. Jonathan wields a spear and tells Speedwagon to scarper. So, spear Jonathan. At least we now have some crowd control. This fight does introduce a handful of new elements. You see, vampires can create zombies, and zombies need to have both their green and red health depleted. Theyāre not terribly threatening, so just wail on them. Youāll also notice that Dio is in attendance, but his health bar isnāt shown on top. He canāt be taken out. This stage is trying to teach a lesson about bullying Jonathan never much cared for: youāre meant to just ignore Dio! As the saying goes, āsticks and stone masks.ā In a bid to destroy Dio, Jonathan sets the manor ablaze and lures Dio to the roof, and Dio is more than happy to show off. [heavy stomping] Up on the roof, the two face off for the forth, technically fifth time. Thereās not much to say about it outside of its unique gimmick. You can push Dio off the side of the roof and into the flames for what I guess is meant to be extra damage. This is nigh impossible to line up due to how knockdown works and how limited your abilities to corral enemies are. You have to maneuver Dio to the very edge and then land a knock down blow. This just ends up hurting my time more than Dioās. Youāve got to remember, only one of us here is on the clock. Not to mention, there is an invisible wall here that Dio can pass through freely that you canāt. And he has greater range than you. He only becomes more dangerous over there, since you can no longer hit him. Most of the time, heāll just flop over the wall, but not far enough to go into the fire, and then just be able to smack you silly from inside. Just ignore the fire. The battle ends with the two falling from the roof to the foyer, with enough time for some light monologuing. Dio is impaled on a statue, and Speedwagon recovers a battered, bruised and burnt Jonathan. I suppose, in this interpretation, it was Jonathan who put Danny in a furnace. And hey, Erina is Jonathanās nurse! Sheās reunited with her long-legged slab of beef. This has been obvious for a while now, especially if youāve read it, but the attempts to recreate certain manga panels with their own models have been my favourite part of this whole experience, because they are just so hilariously off. They donāt line up proportionally, they donāt look good, the lighting is wrong. They are just so lacking they are hilarious. And outside of his hospital room, Speedwagon talks about how good Erina is for Jonathan, since at this stage, the two are equally in love with the man. Back at the burning husk of the manor, Wang Chan digs through the rubble in hopes of retrieving the mask, thinking heāll make a pretty penny. But he gets more than he bargained for. Later in London, Jack the Ripper Did Again, and because of this, heās approached by a shadowy figure. Doubling back for a moment, I compiled a PDF of images from the manga panels and some in game screenshots up to the point Jonathan confronts Dio. I cut out some redundant images (perhaps too many), but I wanted to see how clear the story of āPhantom Bloodā was with just these images. I had assumed ā rather falsely ā just through these images, āPhantom Bloodā was doing a surprisingly good job telling the story. After all, I canāt speak Japanese, so images are all I have to go on. But that isnāt true, isnāt it? Iāve also watched the anime, so I have my memories. So I sent this PDF around to some folk who are totally unfamiliar with āJoJoā. The most any of them knows is the names, and even then, they donāt know who these names are. And they sent me their interpretations. It turns out, I was very, very wrong. Iāve included a download of the PDF and the interpretations in the description for your own perusal. It may have been my fault but a good few came to the conclusion that it was a flashback being talked about. Thereās a lot of chronological confusion in general, and the poisoning incident with George is completely omitted from every reading. However, GameSD did pick up on the core essence of Dio (or, in his words, Blondie): that heās an asshole who just likes making life misery for the dandy. Iām going to read one whole interpretation from Lambhoot, because I quite liked it, and it does kind of show just how off-base I was. LAMBHOOT: āHis dad dies, but not before telling him some sort of mystery about a dangerous mask.ā LAMBHOOT: āSo the dude tries to uncover the mystery, and he keeps finding paper notes with hints and clues everywhere.ā LAMBHOOT: āThe more he follows them, the more random people he gets into conflicts with. Like a bunch of people are trying to impede his progress.ā LAMBHOOT: āBut also, the closer he gets, the more agitated the dangerous magic mask gets.ā I like this interpretation. I like a little addition of cosmic horror, like the mask is orchestrating some grand evil scheme. Like itās eventually going to turn the whole world into a vampire or something. It also does paint Dio as the hero, and everyone else as random assholes impeding everything. And, you knowā¦ Maybe, thatās in a way right. I wonāt give a complete rundown, but here are some highlights: MYERSCODEX: āSo I'm thinking the old guy is the blonde guy but older and he's recounting the tale of how he got the mask.ā GAMESD: "A huge man in childrenās clothing suddenly looks in shock at what is happening.ā GAMESD: āThe large boy man is holding a hanky that says Jonathan Joestan...ā GAMESD: āThe Adult bullies beat up the dandy man. Obviously, they did not like his hanky.ā GAMESD: āAn old man and his two large adult sons. Heās in bed having a think, theyāre there in their Miami Vice suits. Nice room.ā It IS a nice room. CORVUS: āRace with me or the fruit gets it.ā CORVUS: āHoly crapā¦ā LYNTZ: āALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS, DIO!ā LYNTZ: āIF SHE BREATHES, SHEāS A THOT!ā NOONEM: āIām honestly so lost right now who the fuck are these, did you cut out a some images?ā THETRIEDPIPER: āBlonde guy kicks the Dog. He is clearly a cold, hard man.ā THETRIEDPIPER: āJoestar is annoyed by Blonde guy's preposterous actions.ā THETRIEDPIPER: āThe Dog is left alone, to deal with this terrible, unfortunate situation he has been forced into.ā MYERSCODEX: āThen they visit the old man who lives in the mansion and Jon finds a letter that makes him angrier with Blondie,ā MYERSCODEX: āso he chucks him off a balcony.ā THETRIEDPIPER: āA few months later, Joestar is out for blood. No real reason, he just feels like punching someone again.ā CORVUS: āThey are saddened by the stories they tell.ā A we can see, the experiment yielded some interesting results, but as we can see, just looking at chronological but wordless panels from a budget PS2 version does remove some essential grounding a viewer may need to follow the story. But, really, we may have gotten a better plot out of it. While out for a walk, Jonathan and Erina happen upon William A. Zeppeli, who stabs Jonathan in the stomach and fixes his wounds. Zeppeli has spent a lifetime in training, hoping to hunt down and destroy the mask. Well, he was training to fight vampires who would possess the mask, but there were no vampires at that time. He sort of put the cart before the horse I feel, and trained in the mountains, instead of hunting down and destroying the fucking mask. I mean, the mask itself can be destroyed with a sledgehammer. A sledgehammer takes seconds to pick up. Hamon takes decades. Unless youāre Jonathan. Luckily, a whole mess of zombies are nearby, so lets test it out. Two hours into this five hour title, and the game has given us the other three quarters of the battle system. We now have a chargeable attack, a limit breaking Heat attack, a parry system, Hamon combo finishers with a variety of effects. AOEs, to stuns, to launchers, to flurry punches, and these are dependent on an oxygen system that can be refilled either by holding down a button to breathe, or pressing the breathe button mid-combo to prematurely end it with a pose. Thatās right, thereās a pose button! And the pose has tech! Posing not only fills the air metre faster than breathing, making it redundant, it also grants passive buffs and can be used to exit combos faster if you want to quickly move into a parry, dodge, new combo, or cancel a knockdown attack for easier keeping up of pressure. Plus, zombies are killed by Hamon, meaning they no longer need be drained of both health bars. Now a hit with Hamon can quickly finish them off, so battles with undead foes become about constantly keeping up and using Hamon. Itās a simple, easy to follow, but enjoyable system. Again, I have to talk about how faithful they are. A large stretch of āPhantom Bloodā is spent playing a handicapped version of āPhantom Bloodā so that it can be accurate to āPhantom Bloodā! Before you get too excited, this doesnāt mean the game has become good, no, all of this is built on top of the piss poor fundamentals. It still controls bad, you still whiff a ton of shots, you still have a shit time with downed enemies, itās just that now everything is a lot more manageable. Itās just that youāve been playing with a ball and chain on your leg up to this point. Now theyāve removed it, and, suffice to say, it was being kept around a peg leg. With the zombies dispatched, Erina is left behind, as Jonathan, Zeppeli and Speedwagon set off across England to track down Dio and recover the Stone Mask. Then, in a tunnel, Jack the Ripper explodes out of their horse. Oh, hey, we can play as Zeppeli! ZEPPELI: "Ovadraivu!" Heās never that capable again. Iāve never so consistently had to say āThat was the worst fight yet.ā āPhantom Bloodā tops itself regularly. Jack the Ripper flees into some nearby tunnels, and Zeppeli tasks Jonathan with keeping a glass of wine from spilling as heās sent off to fight a veteran serial killer 'cum vampire. Jack the Ripperās a guerilla fighter. His plan is to commit hit and runs with his portable iron maiden. Heās not a hard fight per se, but a tedious one. Iāve explained how hard it is to hit things, but those things were not travelling at 40 miles per hour. If he just decides not to attack you, which is possible, you are going to lose by timeout. Speaking of things that take up too much time, hereās what happens when you use your heat move. JONATHAN: "O-o-o-oh!" 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ĶĶĢ¬.Ģ½Ģ¾ĶĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢ°Ģ£Ģ" [*thonk*] Thatās odd, I thought Hamon was supposed to kill unholy creatures. Dio arrives, bringing with him a legion of zombies, headed up by Bruford and Tarkus. DIO: "K'ha-ah!" ZEPPELI: "Hey, baby!" We get two battles in a row which are purely about beating a wave of zombies, but in one of them Dio is supervising. These fights are separated by minutes of Dio gasbagging. Battle number 13 is THE gimmick fight, taking place entirely underwater. Jonathanās stupidity reaches itās peak here. When he gets tossed into a lake, he realises that he needs to breathe. But he canāt. He canāt surface, because there are enemies posed to strike up there. He then relates a story about wanting to get a toy off of Danny, but couldnāt. He learned that, if he struggled, Danny would stubbornly resist. However, if he feigned disinterest, Danny would no longer see the significance of the toy. In a life or death situation, the brain goes into panic mode and starts pulling up relevant experiences. You know, itās looking for an exit strategy. But drowning is so alien an experience that the brain just mashes CTRL+A And that experience with Danny is what Jonathan latched on to, deciding that since this lake is near an old mine, oxygen would be escaping at the bed. So if he wants to breathe, he shouldnāt struggle and swim up, but feign disinterest, and swim down, and it fucking works. And by god, with this fight, I wish it didnāt. You move at a glacial pace. You need to stay near the oxygen geysers, or else lose air and health. And Brufordās got a move that, if it connects completely, will take half of your health bar. Meanwhile, youāve got a combo that could bruise a bream. Not that youād ever catch one. This combo is so slow and awkwardly paced that I mostly just slid off of Bruford mid-string. And just like the runaway battle earlier, if the much more aquatically gifted Bruford decides to just play keep away, you have already lost ā you are not catching him. Luckily, this is a fight that ends instantly if you can get a heat move. JONATHAN: (recites the foreword to his attack) BRUFORD: (expresses surprised disbelief) JONATHAN: (continues with recitation) JONATHAN: (says "A-AH!") JONATHAN: (announces the attack) BRUFORD: "O-OH!" [*bloosh*] BRUFORD: "BLAGH!" But that's slow in and of itself. And then we get a rematch on land, and, funnily enough, this is the best fight in the game. Bruford is fast, but his moves are big, flashy and easily read once you see them. And you can actually devise a counter strategy. It demands good blocking, dodging and good use of Hamon. As he dies, he ruins a perfectly good sword, and tells Jonathan that he has Luck and Pluck. Itās meant as a compliment, but I canāt help but feel that it is belittling his victory. I spent the whole game trying to get the score to spell BADASS. It may be that this game is in Japanese, but here is a new piece of begrudging respect. Itās entirely accidental and personal to me, itās not even a factor within the game. āPhantom Bloodā for the PS2 emulates shounen battle manga to an unprecedented degree. āWell, no shitā is what youāre saying, it is literally doing that, but itās not doing it the way that itās trying to. Remember how at the start I realised the winning strategy was to just attack? That stopped working some time ago. Near enough every fight, I lose a few times, work out some new way the game is exploitable, or realise the true usefulness of a technique, and I have to use that new knowledge to overcome the odds. That is a shounen battler! I am discovering new tricks at every turn. This is the fight where I really learned how I had to block! Later on I discovered the parry existed and how to abuse its mechanics. Then I learned how to use posing so that I could cancel a combo pushing an enemy away to keep up more pressure! Thatās just mechanics, I had to stop being so aggressive and actually start approaching enemies differently. Some were hit and runs, some had to be baited! By revealing all of this, it may seem like Iāve ruined something for you, but I canāt claim to have been having the most fun as I discovered all of this. Iāve played a handful of āJoJoā games. I donāt think what I like about the battles has ever translated into video game form. They are not battles of power or endurance, though that is definitely an element within them. What wins however is angling for a decisive blow with powers that are incredibly particular. Itās a battle of range, positioning and traps. The games are about hitting the other guy more. There is an irony in that āPhantom Bloodā here comes second closest by virtue of its shoddy nature. That probably wouldnāt have happened if I could read the instructions, but thatās on me. Hamon is used to turn leaves into a glider as the group flees Tarkus. They wind up on a pathway leading to a castle dug into sheer cliff. Speedwagon, who has been experiencing an arc of feeling useless to the group, decides to battle through some zombies. And whatās really weird here is his fighting style. We donāt get to use his razor hat, even though that is playable. He is instead wielding a sledgehammer, and for whatever reason, it has the same moveset as spear Jonathan. Spears and sledgehammers are rather different tools, so I think the animators split the difference and made a moveset thatās bad for both of them. This is a more traditional beat-em-up stage: we have to fight our way through several gauntlets of zombies to get to the castle. SPEEDWAGON: (shouts angrily) [wagon is speedin'] SPEEDWAGON: (denounces the enemy) [*boosh*] [*boosh-boosh*] [*boosh-boosh-boosh*] [dramatic re-death rattle] Once they make it to the entrance, Jonathan goes on in to challenge the giant Tarkus to a battle based on whoās heavier. Jonathan is dense, but not in that sense. It goes about as well as it should, and the rest of the party, including the tagalong freak child named Poco, scramble for a way inside. Zeppeli had been told by his master that he would die sacrificing his life for another, and looking at this room, and looking at Jonathan, he realises that his ticketās up. He realises this before he enters the room, and he still enters the sodding room! Tarkus is where I learned the power of the Parry. Learning it existed turned Tarkus from nightmare to nobody. ZEPPELI: "O-O-O-OH!" ZEPPELI: (announces the attack) Regardless, Zeppeli gets bisected for his efforts, and transfers his Hamon to Jonathan. Naturally, this means we replay the fight with an inflated looking Jonathan. This time, with some goons to round it out. SASBED?! Damn it, Iām one letter away from an anagram! An odd diversion, but I really dislike the middle of āPhantom Bloodā. Everything following the mansion fire, up until the point we reach Dioās lair, I have a hard time caring for. There are moments I find amusing, but theyāre for mostly ironic reasons. Itās not like the story isnāt trying to advance anything. We get Poco facing his fears, Speedwagon feeling useless to the group, Zeppeli divulging how much of a twat he is, but these all feel like theyāre just delaying the real conflict and they donāt culminate in much. Dioās henchmen, if you can even really call them that, are very flat and boring. The whole thing feels like wandering the countryside dealing with minor zombie issues. And these people donāt really build alongside Jonathan, who doesnāt develop either ā he just gets buffer. You can extrapolate character development for him out of the whole drowning incident. A friend of mine said that itās sort of a reverse arc however. In most arcs, a character would face their flaws and learn how to better accommodate reality, meanwhile āPhantom Bloodā is about reality learning to better accommodate Jonathan. Hey, at least this guy has something interesting to show him! [*shwoosh*] [battle cry] [*bash*] JONATHAN: (surprised umph) DIRE: "Hissastsu Thunder Split Attack!" [*whack*] Thatās his plan to kill Dio. And Iām not worried about spoiling that it wonāt work. Say hello to Ton Petty, Dire and Straizo. I really hope someone who doesnāt watch āJoJoā is watching this video, hearing names like this, not to mention Speedwagon, Zeppeli, and well, Dio. And I wonder at which name the penny will drop. These likely lads are also Hamon users. Ton Petty here trained Zeppeli. He was the one who foretold his death, and now theyāre joining us on our trip to Dio. Three new gimmicks! Poison! Small enemies! Small flying enemies! Awful, all of them! And the little ones spawn infinitely, so ignore them! Fight through the pain! Poison is just a stricter time limit! Then we make it to Dioās big empty room, Iām guessing itās a study. It has a nice big balcony that any discerning vampire would kill for, and Dio likely has. Notice how nobody makes a good effort to stop Dire from doing this. [*bash*] [creaking of ice] [shattering] Then we play as Straizo, who is actually the best controlling character in the game. He hits hard, fast, and has lengthy, interesting combos with a lot of juggle potential. Itās a shame heās used to just beat up some jobber zombies. He is so much better than Jonathan! So naturally, guess who we play as, as we fight Dio twice, consecutively? Let's roll the best attack in the game! JONATHAN: "Metar Shirva Ovadraivu!" [yeet] Now thereās an attack to ruin your back. I think itās already getting to Jonathan, since in round 2 he abandons the sword, instead settling for setting his hands on fire. And for the fiftieth time, Dio is vanquished. Sometime later, Jonathan and Erina are about to head off on their honeymoon, and the whole gang is here to see them off! But shock horror, Wang Chan has smuggled a far less buff Dio aboard, and his zombies are tearing through the ship! With the sudden power of incredible high pressure blood (rendered here in blue), Dio shoots Jonathan through the neck, rendering him unable to breathe. The final fight is really nothing special. You build up one final heat move, and Jonathan uses Hamon to mind control Wang Chan into gumming up the shipās engine. Yeah, it can do that. So, without Wang Chan, Dio is a bit indisposed. Erina runs down upon the grisly scene, and Jonathan urges her to collect a nearby baby and float away to safety. As she escapes, Jonthan tries to rationalise his brotherly bond with Dio, as he hugs his disembodied head. Dio meanwhile is too busy trying to talk Jonathan into getting him out of this rather bizarre situation, only to realise Jonathan is already dead. [*BABOOSH*] And thus ends āJojoās Bizarre Adventure: Part 1: Phantom Bloodā. I personally donāt think itās very good. I mean, it starts well, some family melodrama leading to vampirism. But then it descends into countryside bumbling and a bunch of really dull little villains that donāt get much in way of personality. Part 2 kicked it up a notch with a far more likeable, dynamic protagonist, a bigger globe trotting adventure set on the cusp of World War 2, with more bizarre if a lot more straight forward villains, and Hamonās rules actually have a bit more of a logical thread, while retaining its mysticism. I am of the mind that I have no issues telling people to skip Part 1 should they find themselves bored part way through. Wait a minute, I should probably conclude on the game we just covered! Well, itās genuinely quite bad, but I hope you can understand my respect for it. Itās all voice acted, theyāve attempted to recreate many signature scenes, they diluted their own gameplay to match the awkward pace of the story, there are two playable Speedwagons, but in the story you only get to experience one thatās a clone of Jonathan. A ton of playable characters, but only having a piddly bonus battle mode, along with a survival mode with a handful of selectable characters, and a cutscene-free Dio mode. There is an obvious adoration of its source material, but they made every bad call they could along the way in showing it. A lot of this was probably lack of talent and funds, but some of what we see in this game had to just be bad calls being made where a clearer head would have steered clear. And that brings us to a close. Thank you all so much for joining me. And thanks to those who participated in my dumb little experiment. And a thank you to my Patrons! Those who do pledge get a thank you, get access to scripts and notes (though this video has no notes), and access to a bonus Q&A video where I answer questions, go into any extra details and loose threads, and test out features in the game that they request. My patrons are Roomba-San, DBZKING119, Noonem, Sygard, Temascos, Armen Reddy, Wag Man, ALTF4Games, Samson, Corrupted, Zeno, Nick Morrow, Jonathan Gutierrez, Elowin, The Tried Piper, Bran, Jonathan Hume, Tom Hughes, Jack Saint, Raith, Hayk Grigoryan, ilovOP, AjoJoReference (I hope you enjoyed this one), Cody Drewiega, Sterv the Khajiit, Andreas Huber, Pruthviji Odedra, Nioji, SimilarDude, sentry_down, Aboveup, Heart Corvian, Synulia, Dylan Stewart, Lyndon Swift, Urshurak, Kyle Ryan, Saipher, Josh King, Tyler Holland, Meme Queen, EvilBobarino, Rdeimos, Lightning Rod, Chatter Estop, Jan Seiwerth, Nick Bush, Alex Armybull, Harrison Tucker, Nikolay Yelesin, Quebec, Zachwave, Ryghts, Cool Dude, Peter Morovjan, Trajan Smeeth, Battlerarity, Velrous, Caden the Dingo, and Psychosodapop.
I recommend this guy if you like long videos. He reviews some weird shit. He did a video of the original Yakuza 1 a couple months ago, and most of his videos go over one hour in length.