Peter Pan Syndrome - and Narcissism?

hello i'm darmagee and today's question asks if i would discuss peter pan syndrome and is it associated with narcissism now if you like this video if you find it helpful or interesting please consider subscribing to my channel but just as a reminder this video is not a substitute for support from a mental health professional nor is it a tool to be used to diagnose someone now all of us have something of an inner child within us check out my collection okay we can all have something of an inner child we can revert sometimes to child like behavior on occasion we we can be playful we can be irreverent we can we can have a chance like curiosity a fascination and an aw around certain things we can be spontaneous we can live in the moment we can we can encourage others to be spontaneous and live in the moment as well and they can be quite attractive qualities it can even be quite healthy qualities but peter pan syndrome it's a term that's given to someone who behaves consistently immaturely someone who seems as if they have never grown up or indeed will ever grow up the character the name is based on a character by j.m barry peter pan the little boy who never grew up and as much as those with peter pan syndrome can be a lot of fun the immature mindset the behaviors can also creep into other areas of their lives such as their relationships their work their responsibilities and so on and can cause problems now the term peter pan syndrome was first coined by dr dan kinley back in 1983 in his book peter pan syndrome men who have never grown up now why he focused solely on men what little research there has been does show that it can affect pretty much anybody sometimes it's also referred to as being a man child or being a woman child and i think a really good example albeit as a comedic example i think a really good example of the manchester someone with peter pan syndrome would be michael scott the the character portrayed by steve carell in the u.s version of the office what i would also like to say at this point is a syndrome is not a diagnosis it is a term that is given when many people experience the same kind of feelings thoughts beliefs and exhibit the same kind of behaviors peter pan syndrome is not currently recognized as a psychological disorder however an increasing number of adults are presenting with emotionally immature behaviors they seem unable or perhaps unwilling to grow up and take on adult responsibilities they may act they may even dress like teenagers do even when they're in their 30s or 40s and beyond like a sale though there isn't an actual clinical diagnosis and experts haven't really determined any official symptoms there is some consensus about how this is often played out in personal attitudes towards responsibility and accountability and in relationships at work and so on and looks at the impact that it has on quality of life so let's look at some of those attitudes and some of those behaviors first of all in a relationship someone with peter pan syndrome they may just let their partners make all the big decisions they let them take responsibility for even how to go about it and even just planning activities they may show little interest or ability in making long-term plans making plans for the future preferring very much to live in the here and now if you will seeking instant gratification they may not be very good with money there may be impulse spending buying things they don't need but well they may have money in their pocket and whatever it is it looks good it's the latest model it's bright and it's shiny and this could even be regardless of any financial commitments that they already have in relationships they may seem to be emotionally unavailable and the computer game they're playing the new outfit they've got their new hairdo is much more important and how many likes they get on instagram is much more important than even getting real constructive feedback from others they may not want to label or define the nature of the relationship even avoid addressing certain issues in the relationship certainly addressing them in constructive ways which can leave partners feeling devalued and very uncertain as to the nature of the relationship and where they sit in that relationship household chores child care responsibilities they could be ignored or neglected uh you know like dishes piling up in the sink laundry not being done until there's nothing clean left to wear young kids being allowed to watch anything on television regardless of age restrictions or perhaps even preparing their own meals and this can frustrate the hell out of their partners in the sense that they just never seem to act in an adult way in some cases there can even be a possessiveness around partners but not in the kind of constant accusatory jealousy for example as i discussed in a previous video about pathological jealousy but not even in a healthy way where two people are showing each other their relationship is mutually exclusive they will not be seeing other people this is more this is more like i have all the best toys and you're one of those toys and no one else is getting to play in working life there could be a pattern of losing jobs due to perhaps skipping days tardiness constant per time keeping they may even leave their jobs if they feel stressed bored or challenged somehow or if that job did not live up to perhaps the romanticized version they had of the job they may just leave they even when they are in work they may not particularly pursue any opportunities in order to advance themselves they they may even have a series of different jobs in many different areas but never really develop any skills in those areas if they are unemployed perhaps there's no urgency to looking for a job finding a job and even if they do if they're unsuccessful at getting the job now they could find themselves easily discouraged from trying again for a different one another common characteristic of peter pan syndrome would be having unrealistic goals now this could maybe be wanting to become a rock star a pop star an internet sensation being a model or a champion athlete now although there's not necessarily anything wrong with aspirations and goals like that they never really do anything to work towards it they might not have any real skill in those areas it's just something that they're interested in but they never spend any time trying to develop any skills it's almost like they want it now but they want it without the effort or they could be talking about those dreams they could be talking about those goals as if they are real as if they are reality but again making no effort to achieve them you know not even trying to find out how to go about being a success of that other common characteristics could be unreliability not following through with any promises or commitments there could be being flaky changing their minds very quickly and very easily usually changing their minds to whatever is expedient or whatever happens to be popular at that time they might not like making commitments um and they like to keep their options open even keep their options in their relationships open which again can be very problematic for their partners there can be tantrums being tearful being fearful even emotional outbursts whenever facing difficult or stressful situations there can be they can be fearful of being appraised negatively yet yet have no real interest in any kind of personal growth or development there can be an expectation that others need to care about and care for them and maybe make excuses blame others whenever things go wrong or when they haven't done anything to even try to reach any kind of goal or or reach their ambition that whatever they've been bragging about tend to blame others as being obstacles i said previously as well they could be dressing in the kinds of clothes styling their hair perhaps perhaps the way teenagers would trying to look younger than they are um always perhaps maybe looking for a younger partner so that they feel young as well being able to hang out with younger people either that or they may look for an older partner not just someone who's going to look after them but an older partner because they get to feel younger being with that older person in some cases there could even be excessive pornography use using pornography rather than developing a real physical relationship emotional relationship with a real person other times and i've seen this many times in some people that they may act like a buffoon pretending not to grasp even simple concepts and trying to make a joke out of anything but it's usually to try and avoid any kind of responsibility so on to the second question the association with narcissism is it narcissism well this is a question that comes up quite a lot when discussing peter pan syndrome but narcissism can be quite complex and although there is a clinical diagnosis for narcissistic personality disorder it's never really a one-size-fits-all it's it's more like a spectrum it can also be subclinical meaning there can be a lot of narcissistic traits and qualities but not necessarily have a personality disorder so that being said peter pan syndrome can share similar traits such as not taking responsibility or accountability blaming others for their failures being sensitive to criticism and prioritizing their own needs and feelings over others the difference with narcissism though is that there can be a devaluation of others they there may even be a sadistic element to some of those narcissistic behaviors those with peter pan syndrome you know they may be irritating at times ridiculous they may even be embarrassing to those around them but they're not necessarily deliberately toxic in the sense that they're not necessarily setting out to hurt others and just to stay in that state of immaturity having said that like i say it's never a one-size-fits-all and there are always exceptions but that's a brief outline of peter pan syndrome now there are a lot of things i haven't covered so by all means please feel free to use the comment box below if there's anything you would like to add it is a subject that i find fascinating and maybe at some point i will look further into it if anyone's interested i'll look further into it looking at where it comes from and indeed how it can be treated but in the meantime please feel free to use the comment box below as i say there are some interesting conversations starting around these videos and until next time thanks for watching

Channel: Darren F Magee

Views: 21,635

Keywords: peter pan syndrome, immature adulting, manchild, womanchild, what is peter pan syndrome, emotional immaturity, peter pan syndrome relationships, narcissism, peter pan syndrome in men, peter pan syndrome in women, emotional immaturity and narcissism, emotional immaturity in a relationship, emotional immaturity in the workplace, darren magee belfast, emotional immaturity in marriage, Sentient Counselling

Id: 1wV8X36wiyU

Length: 11min 28sec (688 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 21 2022