Peter Herbeck - Faith: What About My Kids?

[Music] hello friends this is peter herbeck today i want to talk about a painful and challenging subject you know i've had many conversations as probably you have as well over the past number of years from parents and grandparents about their great concern for where their kids are at in relationship to the faith many of them leaving the faith is very troubling and it's difficult so i want to talk a little bit about why it's happening and what we can do about it so just three things mainly about why it's happening well first of all we're living through an epic spiritual conflict a very very challenging time in history in the history of the church we're watching the collapse of christian culture some people describe it as a we move from a christendom age to an apostolic age what does that mean exactly well an example i like to give is when i was a little kid maybe kindergarten first second grade i remember in the small town i grew up in on sundays the whole town was shut down pretty much and that's because the town the habit of the town and that's the culture the way of life of the people whether everybody was as committed catholic or committee christian or not at that point the habits of the culture was to respect and honor the lord's day so whether people wanted to keep their businesses open or not they were shut down at the time out of respect for the commandment to keep holy the lord's day so that was common and to step out of that and to go against it there was a public cost to it but there was also a lot of reinforcement to to stay with it to stay with and to believe in the commandments and to live alongside to step out of it had a cost well that's beginning to be turned around there's a whole different culture that's arising today an anti-christian culture secular culture or post-christian culture there's a lot of different ways of describing it but in essence what's it but the heart of at the heart of is a whole different worldview a whole different understanding of the meaning of life and with it is habits and patterns that are building around what people value the kind of changes that have happened like approaches to things like when what does it mean to be human what does it mean what's a marriage when does life begin and people are fighting for these things now and aggressively challenging the church so much so that it's costing people especially young people who are plugged into this world view through social media in particular being plugged in day and night into the entertainment industry into social media is where these values are emerging and they're they're laying hold of the current culture they're displacing the culture there's a there's a fight going on there and so it's costing not only young people but adults today um it's costing us to stand in the faith to be public about our faith to be associated with the faith there's people get canceled today for things for standing up and speaking things that the church actually believes in so the cost is there which is a which makes it easier for young people or they feel pressure maybe not even think about it to kind of move away and not be identified with the church friends if if we're not disciples and many young people today even though they were baptized and raised and taught in the church in some ways they aren't yet disciples that is really having encountered christ made a decision deeply to follow him and they know who he is and they've committed their lives to him and they've they they have a prayer life at some level they have friends they're standing with and getting support if that doesn't happen it's really easy for them to back away number one number two the scandals of the church that have happened over the last you know two decades there's a lot of shame on the church there's a lot of a lot of uh it's difficult to be associated with the church and in some cases uh there's young people have left the same reason old people have left they're angry at the church they're angry at the leadership of the church and how they've handled it that's another issue another thing is is just to see where catholics at large are in the depth of their faith i mean the studies that have come out recently last year this uh 70 of the people is one large study catholics polled said they no longer believed in the real presence of jesus christ in the eucharist that's a big deal and that's totally missing something that's completely central to the faith another recent study came out and which said that 66 of catholics agreed that jesus was a creature the the first and foremost creature which means he was created unlike what we say in the creed that he was eternally begotten of the father he's he's god and what gets revealed in the second question in that same study is her statement said that um jesus was great a great teacher maybe the greatest teacher but he was not god majority of catholics answered that that's true that they agree with it that he's not god okay that's missing the whole boat so at this point it's really clear that a large portion of the population including many young people who haven't been you know evangelized and properly catechized don't have they're not rooted in the faith intellectually and in their heart mind and soul so it's very difficult as a result to resist that stuff so there's more i could say about it but those are just some of the reasons as to why it's happening but more importantly what to do about it well clearly one of the things that many of us experience in common through this process of watching our kids walk away from the faith our adult children in particular is it's totally heartbreaking and it's very sad and so it causes us to weep and i just want to say thinking about the second beatitude today blessed are those who mourn that's a good thing to mourn for in a healthy way to cry and to cry out to god in the quiet of your heart or in your own personal prayer there's nothing wrong with that because it is a sad thing but it says blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted the comfort of the lord if you lean into him he will comfort you and the holy spirit our lady will comfort you you know it's that's an important piece of what's there and don't be embarrassed about you know shedding some tears over it as well another thing to say is i want to say is to let go to make a decision to let go let go of what to let go of them they're adults they're grown up they're making decisions and letting go is an exercise of understanding that i don't have control over them and i don't have any power over them and sometimes we're so afraid and anxious we keep we keep trying to grab onto them i was just speaking to a wonderful woman the other day saying oh it's so hard when we get together my kids we just argue all the time it's because she's one of the things she's trying to convince them to stay in the boat so to speak of the faith well i at a certain point just have to let that go and have to respect their freedom as god respects our freedom it doesn't mean let go in terms of your strategy on how you want to help bring them back to the faith but the the intense engagements um end up being on not very productive so just acknowledge that you don't have control and then letting go of other things as well letting go of regret many of us are filled with regret and and you're mad at yourself and you and you're you're you can't forgive yourself you might say because you didn't raise them in the faith in the right way it's possible that that happened but none of us are perfect and also the key thing is this the lord doesn't want you to stay in there what the devil wants you to do is to stay in that place of regret to be angry at yourself to be disappointed at yourself so that's what you're thinking about and feeling most of the time and then when you turn to the lord you think he's thinking the same thing that he's either mad at you or he's sad at you or he's disappointed in you and what it does that it's a devil strategy to cause you to lose hope and just drain your energy and to live from that negative place and that's a total waste of time friends so jesus said 70 times seven times a day you have the right to come to him as a child of god and to give him your sins so if you feel like you need to repent of something repent okay and you might even have to at some point talk to your child you might want to talk to your child about it at a time when it when it's going to matter to them maybe when you can express them the sadness you feel in your heart because maybe there was a significant period of time you didn't lead them in the way of the lord but leave that in the hands of the lord also let go of anger now there's many people also are angry at the church because the the church hasn't been much of a help in their mind that they they're they have their kids with the catholic schools elementary high school and even university and they lose their they lose their faith at the university and that really happens because there's a lot of confusion and a lot of no disciple making happening in many different catholic institutions today and so people say look i invested so much in it and it didn't help it actually hindered now that's something to have good righteous anger about and maybe talking to somebody about in the institution might be helpful at some time in terms of your own dealing with it and putting it behind you but it's important not to stay in anger scripture says don't let the sun go down on your anger don't let it stew in you too long identify it give it to the lord and say lord i just i have to give this to you and if there's people you need to talk to go ahead and talk to them in a way that's very helpful in order for you to kind of settle that issue in your life because if you hang on to anger it's going to become a bitter root and that kills the life of the spirit in you kills the joy and the fruits of the spirit working in you which is really key to being able to ultimately helping your own children kind of re-engage the faith another thing to do is is kind of shift your strategy instead of going right at your children and expressing your disappointment in them over and over again they know already what you think right so just let them hang on to that or whatever they think about it but you use your energy wisely to remember first of all that you're not alone keep that in your mind the lord is with you greater is he that's in you than he that's in the world the lord loves your kids more than you do he's he's created them for himself and he's going to pursue them with everything he has and so we want to cooperate with the lord's work in his plan and purpose for them so commitment to daily prayer focused on help and prayer from our lady and the saints saint joseph and giving our kids over to them each day and saying jesus i trust in you i trust my children to you right and to be able to pray for them before the blessed sacrament and use your energy to be there and in faith to not mainly be upset and be anxious before the lord but to give him your anxieties give him your fears say lord i'm sorry i'm just coming to you i'm full of anxiety and fear about my kids i just want to give it give them to you and you said have no anxiety about anything so i want to live that way and i want to receive lord your grace and your wisdom to know how to relate to my children so that's partly why you want to be able to let go of the things that can really consume us because remember the devil's trying to stir that stuff in you all the time to just fill you full of anxiety and fear and anger so learn how to just let go of that and strategically lean into our lady lean into the lord obviously and then lean into the holy spirit if we've if we're seeking first the kingdom of god as jesus said don't have any anxiety about anything but seek first the kingdom that means pursuing jesus each day pursuing his will how do we know his will for us personally we know the big picture keep the commandments you know uh be regularly be engaged in you know frequent attendance of mass and reception of the sacraments that all strengthen us being in the word of god to be strengthened by the word of god that's all very important to be able to do to give you the strength and the energy that you need but to seek first the kingdom one way to express it is jesus is called to us he said we're meant to abide in him and to abide in his love his perfect love will help cast out the fear that's in our lives around these issues and it's in you know very difficult and challenging times that we're living in what does that mean it means talking to jesus simply heart to heart very simple language every day lord i love you i trust you lord help me lord i give you this child i give you that grandchild and just know that he's there and he's totally committed to you and he loves to talk to you but he also loves that you listen to him so make sure that prayer isn't just your constant conversation or bringing things to him it's okay to bring things but make sure you have quiet so you can listen to him and he wants to quiet and calm your heart so that you can then lay hold of his word to you and his promises read the scripture friends harvest the promises of god for you like i'm with you always to the end of the age you know he said uh my you know my my grace is sufficient for you no matter what so lord i want to find that sufficient grace for this particular challenge that i have with my family in the in that situation that we're living in so talking to jesus each day clinging to his promises learning them internalizing them living from them and then obeying him that is following jesus leadership do what the holy spirit leads you to do like our lady said do what he tells you to do but if you're not listening to him and quietly leaning into him you're not going to be able to hear what he's telling you to do especially in relationship to how he wants you to engage the mission because remember he wants you to seek him first because you're called you're a disciple he has a mission for you no matter what stage in life you are no matter how limited maybe your time and resources are he has a call on your life and you want to be able to live in that right the commitment to to growing in holiness in union with god and the commitment to be engaged in his mission in some way throughout your life it's very important to the lord one of the things that i've done in the past this was helpful for me i probably learned it from somebody because very little is original with me i just learned it from other people like many of us do was to say give the lord to things that are preoccupying you and that are your main concerns make an exchange he wants to make an exchange give those to him certainly remind him of them each day and he said then you take up the things he wants you to be focused on and that he wants you to accomplish with the time that he's given to you the time and the talent the treasure so be about the great adventure and the mission the lord has given to you and don't let anxieties and fears and the lies of the enemy and discouragement grind you down so you get to the point where you just want to give up and give in because that's what the enemy wants you to do to back up to to set your sword down and to just kind of live in discouragement fight that and one of the great ways to do it is fighting it fighting it is through the word of god and again the promptings of the holy spirit are really important the holy spirit will help you know how and when to best communicate with your children or to do the things on a daily basis he wants you to do listen to his voice he'll give you little inklings i remember one of my boys i wasn't sure where he was with the faith and he was going off to college and he was home for a visit he was going back to college and i i could tell when i tried to have conversations with him he just wasn't interested and then i thought you know i heard this really good priest and some talks that he had this priest i think my son would like him and i said hey son you got you got a 10 hour drive back he said if you've got time check this priest out he's really interesting he was young priest dynamic really good communicator and so he said okay dad fine and he threw him in the car and then a few months later maybe six months later he's home at another visit he never said anything to me about it but he's leaving he goes hey dad by the way do you have uh do you have any more of those cds i said yeah sure i do and of course i had a stack ready to go and gave him some more and he and he didn't tell me that he listened to him or that he liked them and that was the only indicator that i had and when i gave him to him in the first place i had been praying at for the blessed sacrament for him and i felt like the lord said you know think about that think about offering him these cds and i wasn't going to push him on him i said hey i thought this guy was pretty good you want to give it you know give it a listening and so my son's now in a much better place and he's really following the lord and he's quite serious about it but i'm grateful but it was a prompting of the holy spirit you're not alone he wants to help you so do those things that come from peace and what you're hearing from the lord and not from anxiety and from fear because those aren't going to produce anything those are just going to cause more friction another thing to remember something my mom used to do really well i have to say and as a grandmother up until she was 92 years old or whatever was just love them unconditionally one of the one of the ways she did it with my nephews and with us was feed them my nephews would come by and spend a couple days with grandma my own kids would go visit and everybody said the same thing i felt it felt so i felt so safe or peaceful or loved when i was with grandma and uh some grandma prayed the rosary every day two or three times a day and she would sometimes invite the kids to say hey i'm going to pray my rosary you want to pray now and maybe they weren't believers at the time but they'd almost never say no to grandma because they loved grandma and so they'd be there she never forced it on him but she she had a welcoming loving presence and they were on her prayer list every single day and they just experienced her unconditional love and so if if we can give over the anxiety and the fear and the rest that we're carrying and to just let the love that you have for them be poured out in ways that are positive and just receiving them unconditionally as you're quietly always praying always doing spiritual warfare just quietly asking the help of the holy spirit the guidance and support of the angels and the saints know that that's how the lord wants you to move forward don't let the enemy just take away your hope so uh one of the things i want to say too friends is just never never never give up like the old the winston churchill line that's important and we have reason for hope we know how great god is how great god's power is and how great his love is and how great the holy spirit is and how much he loves you and how much your prayers and your heart cry how much that means to him so don't ever give up friends it's never over one of things i encourage you to do understand there's probably all kinds of people in your parish your neighborhood it's hard to get together now but you can do it on zoom other parents who are experiencing this come together encourage each other take up the word of god to say guys before we do anything let's let's talk about you know come to the meeting with what's the what's your favorite promise from the lord in the bible do stuff to build each other up reading the word of god leaning on his promises to help internalize them for yourself so you can build an environment of faith and encouragement with each other have to excuse me the time to share what you're struggling with in the concerns you have with about your children and your grandchildren share some little baby glory stories that happen how the lord's helping you move forward and just together keep your children and grandchildren before the lord and don't let them steal your joy don't let them steal your hope and you be about all of you be about together the mission of the lord i just want to end with our lady i've been thinking about her a lot the last few days and maybe a recent video i mentioned there's three things i keep thinking about her you know she's the quintessential disciple and we want to follow her as she followed the lord right and so three things that she said are very simple in the bible but maybe central to the few things that she said number one she said lord be done unto me according to thy word so let that be your heart lord i trust in you i'm not going to let anything stop me from hearing you and following you and i thank you for your call in my life so be it done unto me according to thy word the second thing she did is she magnified the lord my soul magnifies the lord even though they lived through some really hard stuff she declared the victory and the greatness of god that's what should come out of our hearts not discouragement not fear i mean that can happen in the context of his sharing but but declare his greatness and his faithfulness to you throughout the day number two and number three she said do whatever he tells you those three things are super helpful and if we just internalize those and walk in those it'll really be helpful so do whatever he tells you about your life do whatever he tells you about how to best relate to your own children in love god bless you friends you

Channel: Renewal Ministries

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Keywords: Christianity, Jesus, Christ, Evangelism, Mission, Spirituality, Evangelization, Religion, Catholic, Church, God, Trinity

Id: iV9NsjlFV3I

Length: 21min 32sec (1292 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 18 2020