People CHEATING on Their Significant Other (r/AskReddit)

our slashes credit cheaters have read it tell us why you are currently cheating on your so ok I'll tell my story I was involved with Dennis for nine years she would pick fights seemingly any time I was in a good mood and frequently ruined important things for me like my graduation party from college by getting angry sometimes because I was ignoring her and other times because I wouldn't leave her alone I loved her and tried to be everything for her even though we fought all the time because that's what I thought relationships were all about work right but after we got married she became genuinely abusive towards me some of my favorite Dennis one-liners were you're worthless you're never there for me if we have kids you probably won't even love them I don't even want to have your kids our bedroom was dead I asked her to go to counseling three different times during our relationship that she refused because we don't need it great it got to the point that I was afraid to interact with her in any way it was literally work work out dinner bed eventually I started to get really depressed and ended up talking to a friend of several years Jamie she was nice to me not judgmental and seemed to really care about me and how I felt we started spending more time together and it eventually started to grow into an emotional affair eventually we fell for each other then their knives and I separated and divorced ironically after she asked me when we were going to start having kids of course Dennis found out they always do obviously she was very hurt and angry but she ended up asking me basically why Jamie and not me to which I replied I can trust her with my emotions she doesn't hurt me we stayed up all night talked a lot hugged a lot cried a lot apologized to each other and divorced uncontested Dennis and I are still friends and Jamie and I are happily married not even gonna use a throwaway for this I want to feel accountable I dated him for over three years the first to these was while we were both in high school he was incredible we were incredible in love it was the best I had ever felt with anyone ever I knew in my heart that this was the man that I wanted to marry the second year was long-distance he went to college in a city six hours away I was a high school senior we still made sure to see each other about once a month I visited him met his new friends really liked them I also got to experience college life at the school which is where I was applying for the following year as much as people say long-distance never works for us it only served to make the relationship stronger I think a huge factor in our ability to tough it out was that we hadn't had sex yet at this point yeah we fooled around oral and warnet but we kept that one thing as something to look forward to he sent me letters every [ __ ] day I still have them all in a folder sometimes I read them to this day when I'm feeling masochistic then I started my freshman year in college again we were such power couple his friends loved me my new friends loved him we were so happy to be together again and one day we decided it was time to finally do it and my god it was glorious around this same time one of his closest friends started acting really weird around me whenever we were out as a group and we were drunk he would start saying things like oh god Lily underscore tiger if only or I would treat you like an Egyptian Queen and random things like that it made me uncomfortable but he was my B s good friend so I just assumed I don't know what I thought really I guess I sort of let it slide cause I was like whatever I would never even kiss him ever so I'll just let him be attracted to me cause it's refreshing to feel so explicitly wanted by someone then one time he was walking me home after a night out with some mutual friends my bf wasn't there but his friend offered to make sure I got home safe again I don't know why I didn't see the red flags but I kept reminding myself about how much I loved my bf and how I should make sure nothing happens and take the offer anyway long story short he tried to kiss me in the elevator and we bear touched lips before I freaked out at him and we both started mumbling oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] we didn't talk for a few weeks after that it was at this point that I talked to my bf and explained that I felt uncomfortable around his friend and that there was something very weird going on but being the idealist that he was he thought we could all be friends and this would work out fine and for some reason nothing really changed I'm not blaming him mind you but I think there should have been more action taken on my part or his to stop this from escalating further so this friend of his he kept having these moments when he was drunk and he'd start babbling about his crush on me and I kept laughing it off but I started thinking about it more and more I still remember the one night when I was laying in bed thinking about it all and I thought about doing something with him for the first time at this point sex was still a novelty to me and I started wondering what he was like in bed and I thought to myself my relationship with my bf is so strong I could probably get away with trying something with his friend maybe it would be good for us cause I'd learn some new things if I plan on marrying the guy I might as well slip up now rather than later when we have kids or something it hurts to write this because I know how incredibly immature and selfish these thoughts were but you asked why and that was my reasoning does it make sense to me now no I wish I could tell you I'm a good person but it's times like this when I think back to that one night where my moral compass shifted drastically that I wonder if I can even call myself a good person ever again but at the time all I felt was excitement at my new plan all I had to do was get away with it and thus began my rollercoaster of an affair with my boyfriend's friend we would drunkenly kiss and the guilt would start to eat us alive so we'd meet up to talk about it a few days later which would lead to us feeling like [ __ ] about ourselves and what we were doing which would lead to God I could use a drink which would lead to another hooker all this time my relationship with my bf was going on in the foreground the fact that I wanted to be with in long-term was the reason I didn't want to just break up with him the best way I can describe what I wanted was this I wanted to marry him and I wanted to date his friend I could never see myself in a relationship with the other guy but I just wanted to fool around and experience a short-term fling for what I thought would be the last chance I had in an ideal world I wanted to put my relationship on pause live a little and conveniently resume when I wanted to got this reeks of selfishness this is dragging out I know but I want you all to understand my thought process every step of the way down that awful rabbit hole the deterioration of my heart was such a gradual process that I hardly noticed it let alone thought I was doing anything wrong how [ __ ] up is that it makes me sick long story short my boyfriend eventually found out about it after a few months I don't want to go into details about it because it was without a doubt the worst night of my life not because I had been caught but because all I can think of is the immense pain I put him through it kills me to think about it because I don't even remember it from my perspective I remember it from him I see myself crying and begging him to hear me out and all I feel is a stone in the pit of my stomach and I feel betrayed it's awful I don't want to elaborate that's why I cheated I can't put a TL DR because I cannot summarize it in one sentence it was a gradual descent into selfishness sparked by naive curiosity and a false sense of safely within my relationship I still have not forgiven myself I'm glad someone asked because I felt like getting this off my chest for some time now but there's no one I can tell I'm not currently cheating this ended about two years ago I was lucky that it ended before I ruined a lot of lives I had been married for close to 15 years and had four kids when I met her she was a friend's girlfriend and the four of us him and her my wife and I had all been playing whoa W together for about a year when we started hanging out person she and I hit it off immediately and we both felt like we were appreciated in a way that didn't exist in our primary relationships we started talking online the outside of the game we talked about what we thought was missing from our relationships and for about a month or two it was just getting to know each other up till this moment in my life I always believed that cheaters were the worst form of Filth I had friends in the past who had cheated on their wives and girlfriends and they disgusted me but at this moment I was convinced that the only way for me to be happy was to be with this girl so I asked her if she'd meet me for a drink someday we met a few days later and had a drink during the course of that meeting I felt myself falling for her I felt like I would do anything she asked me to I felt like I was in love in a way that I had never felt before as we were leaving I kissed her we texted over that weekend and it became apparent that we both wanted it to become physical within a week it was I was convinced that I needed to leave my wife and family and be with her she was nine years younger than me and I thought I loved her I was lying to myself but I was so close to the situation that I didn't even see it I couldn't see it I was dumb I almost lost my family because I was blinded and confused leaving would have been the worst mistake of my life and I'm convinced it would have destroyed lives we saw each other for over a year though usually only once or twice a month the ending was complicated but the end result is that I was lucky to get out with my family intact I was weak and I went after what was new and exciting instead of putting all that energy into fixing what was wrong with my marriage I don't recommend it I was on and off with a girl for two years I loved her more than anyone I'd ever loved before but she was afraid of love and her feelings for me so it was always mixed signals one day we finally talked about everything got my closure and was able to move on with my love life a couple months later I started dating this amazing girl she seemed perfect for me everything was great she knew I was still friends with my ex and she was able to accept that for the most part however after a while she wasn't so okay with it so I began to hang out with my ex behind her back we never did anything until one day she asked me something that led to talking about us and things escalated from there I ended up kissing her and she rejected me because I had a girlfriend but I kept trying and we made out a little I didn't feel guilty afterwards because I love this girl and I had only known my girlfriend for a few months so my feelings for her weren't nearly as strong after I realized my ex and I weren't going anywhere and it was better that we didn't I asked her not to ever let me kiss her again and to slap me if I tried after some time I grew to care more about my girlfriend and felt really guilty I imagined her finding out and how much it would hurt her I developed so many insecurities from cheating I felt like since I could get away with it so could she so every time she would talk about her ex I'd cry I know it was a bad thing to do but I learned a lot from it I'll tell you why I cheated on my last so I would never ever cheat on the man I'm with now so I met this guy online technically on a dating site but we met from being forum regulars he was kind of a troll and a lot of people hated him I was 19 and going through a goth phase and he was 26 going through a knowitall phase we went on a date after talking for a couple weeks and had sex on the first date three months later we are still dating and I find out that he has a girlfriend but they are polyamorous and wanted me to be as well he manipulated me into thinking that if I loved him I would let him have a three-way relationship so I gave him for a couple of months but brought my discomfort up for discussion after fighting the other girl breaks it off and he moves from North Carolina back to Florida and moves in with me he originally lived in Florida but supposedly got a job offer that never panned out and my roommate who hated him he started out manipulative then it was verbal abuse and then it became physical of I tried leaving him multiple times but he wouldn't allow me to and I was afraid of him one day I'm hanging out with a cow walker and we ended up kissing I had feelings for him and he was my best friend but the kiss was totally unexpected I would come into work with bruises scratches et Cie and everyone would tell me to leave him I tried telling him that I wanted to leave but I was too weak and too scared of him I started having sex with my friend and would hang out with him just to get away from my ex after a bad argument I left my ex but left a lot of stuff at our apartment and after a month I went back to living there because I couldn't afford to move out my ex was sleeping with a friend of mine and somehow manipulated me into being in a relationship with them after a few months I ended it one night I'm on the couch watching TV with the same guy friend I was sleeping with my ex said he wouldn't be home that night and that he didn't care if I had someone over well he came home started yelling at me and them started hitting me I finally hit back and tried to defend myself and my friend grabbed some of my clothes put them in a purse and put them by the door he tried to fight my ex but my ex is much bigger than him and I pretty much ended the fight because I got an adrenaline rush picked up a fire hydrant extinguisher oops and threatened to bash his head open my ex stopped and my friend and I got the [ __ ] out of there I was homeless for a few months that I had supportive friends with couches and it was worth finally leaving him the best friend that helped me escape is now my fiance and we are getting married in 17 days TL DR cheated on an ex for being abusive because he wouldn't let me leave now I'm engaged to the guy I was cheating on him with edit fire-extinguisher not fire hydrant I have no idea how I got the two mixed up I probably written this post three times and it keeps unintentionally sounding like I'm writing a defense of myself I'm just gonna lay it out there as bluntly as I can and hopefully you can find some insight and ask questions rather than just tell me things I already know about myself I've been dating a girl for three years I cheat on her regularly and feel like a sack of [ __ ] every time I cheat because it's easy for me to talk to girls and I live in Japan where beautiful girls flock to confident foreigners I cheat because I love the puppy love feeling you get when you go on dates with new people I couldn't care less about the physicality of sex for me it's all about the emotional rush of making a connection with someone holding hands learning about them kissing them one could probably argue that emotional cheating is the worst kind of cheating I haven't broken up with my girlfriend because I'm selfish and know in my heart I'd never find someone I love more than her I want to believe that I can change myself and be a better person and leave the past behind me I want to stop this behavior probably more than I've wanted anything in the world I have a horrible perception of women it's almost an obsession to see a girl at a bar and make it my nights goal to get a number you might see this as me victimizing myself that I honestly believe I've developed an addiction to women I've tried quitting over and over again and even when I'm successful at stopping my own advances I have trouble saying no when a girl expresses her interest in me it's [ __ ] up I'm [ __ ] up and I really want to stop and actually be a good boyfriend I want to know how to stop pining for that puppy loved jolt of emotion that never seems to last in long-term relationships for you people who have been cheated on coming here to gain some understanding you will not get a lot out of this to a cheater the Y is effectively asking them to explain how they rationalized it to themselves I'm sure some will admit that they are selfish but most will probably just explain their rationalizations or how they were feeling in their relationships and or problems that were happening at the time if you're cheated on though the answer you really want is to the question of what allowed you to do this every relationship has problems every person wants attention in to feel desired but to cheat means taking extreme risks with the feelings of the person that you are with when you are aware of the real risk it's an unconscionable act I think most cheaters don't really realize the level of pain that they caused or they think what they don't know can't hurt them which is untrue but I won't get into that here they have heard that it sucks to get cheated on but until you've actually been cheated on you can't really understand how painful it is people who have been cheated on can relate I'm sure to what I'm saying cheaters do not want to acknowledge the risks they are taking with others feelings cheaters do not want to think about the pain they caused because it makes them feel bad about themselves their own feelings are all that matters so you'll see a lot of people here talking about how they felt or how the relationship had problems and how that drove them to cheat but this is just them focusing selfishly on their own feelings rather than on their faults then there are the cheaters who admit to being selfish or who call themselves bad people these people are copping out also they don't want to fix themselves so they embrace a contemptible label instead right I can't let this go on without throwing in my opinion cheating hurts it hurts a [ __ ] lot I know I have been cheated on many times unfortunately and it has done extraordinary amounts of emotional and mental damage to me I can say that for a fact from the different types of meds I'm on apart from cheating I have had a great life but here is something cheaters hurt as well and I know everyone looks for the bad guy in a situation but sometimes nobody is a bad guy sure there are malicious cheaters and they are definitely the bad guy but people who cheat instead of just ending it or in a moment of weakness do it because they are also hurting I know some of you think this is no excuse and they deserve their just desserts and they will learn to change their ways the shame associated with cheating is hardwired into society but attacking people who cheat doesn't change them it just breeds cheaters they hurt for some reason but nobody helps that they are a victim of their own self-destructive actions but nobody tries to help them save themselves they are met with tough love or hatred towards them and their self-confidence destroyed and do you know what makes people who aren't malicious cheat having low self-confidence with the three girls who cheated on me I found each time something wasn't right in our relationship of their self-confidence went through the floor they went into self-destruct mode where they didn't care about themselves enough and found someone who made them feel needed and appreciated they found someone who fed them confidence and that is a huge draw to attraction again the victims aren't gonna like this but they found something you couldn't or weren't giving them but in all likelihood they were trying very hard to find it within you maybe you didn't work hard enough or they didn't or maybe it just wasn't meant to be but just moments before cheating they had faith that it could work yet now it is right there in front of them and it is a choice of grabbing it or spiraling into self-pity and depression about how screwed up their feelings are some people take one option and some take the other but even if you take the first I can guarantee you it is only temporary and you will end up at the second regardless now I have never cheated a never will but I have works hard with people who cheated on me to understand where I went wrong before the cheating now I'm confident people won't want to cheat on me again if you keep playing the victim you are far more likely to be cheated on again it isn't that certain people and track cheaters it is that certain people stall at the same hurdle in a relationship and as for cheaters sometimes it is easier to play the bad guy than try and sort out your feelings so I'm talking to everyone now because everyone even victims of cheating our potential cheaters have the courage not to cheat whenever you have the option to turn around and stop it is the opportunity to turn to your relationship and take positive action you can be the hero not the bad guy even if you still end the relationship you can be the good guy it is a hairsbreadth between one and the other I'm on the other side of this whole thread I married the only girl I ever truly fell in love with I was 35 when we got married she was 45 I had waited until I thought it was right in my life so I got my first chance at married life at 35 I've loved everything about it she was so great in the early years we'd been together five years when we got married had lived together for three I was making good money at the time and she was broke when I first met her like really broke government housing etc but I got her out of that life we bought a big 5,000 square feet home well big for what I'm used to with a huge fireplace and three-car Garage four bedroom she had two sons one lived with his dad and the other lived with us I was actually closer to his age than hers we became super good friends I paid his way through college bought him a brand-new truck in 1994 off the showroom z71 and I had it lifted with big tires completely surprised to him he had no idea and I had made special efforts to provide a very comfortable life for my wife because I knew she'd come from a tough life I got her a job through my connections she didn't have to work but she got bored and I think having a job helped her validate having nice things because she could contribute which made me feel good because truly all I cared about was that she was as happy as can be things were great for a while she was so appreciative of the things I did for her which made it that much more fun to do them I remember once coming in the house it was close to Christmas she had been shopping for her friends kids and family she was upstairs in one of our spare rooms and didn't hear me come in I walked up and went in the room and she was crying I knelt down and asked her what happened she had placed all the gifts she had bowel over the floor as if a big showroom she told me she was crying because she never thought she'd ever have the ability to get so many meaningful presents for the people she cared about that's what kind of girl she was another time she called me at work crying and just said I appreciate you so much less than a year later she started staying late for work way too late she had a pager and wouldn't return my calls I so badly didn't want her to leave what I knew was happening that I didn't push it but when we argued about I told her listen I know what you're doing late at night and when I catch you it's over I don't give a second chance for that and she denied it to the hilt a few months later I was at work one of my employees came to me and said he needed to talk to me we sat in my office as he told me that my wife had been cheating on me with my best friend I kicked her out that day and divorced her immediately gave her the house in the divorce the car all the money and left with literally nothing just to get out of course I never spoke to my friend again either that was in 1996 I have not had a relationship more than a couple months since then I'm 46 years old now and I have no interest in dating or being with anyone I'm a little lonely but not too bad I'll be alone probably forever the thing I keep thinking is well I know I won't let myself down you should realize how much of an impact cheating can have I believed in marriage and being faithful I still do but I will never trust anyone again after giving myself 100% to someone and losing it all if you are so selfish you want to cheat on someone break up with them and give them at least that much respect had my wife done that I probably would have not been so hurt so defeated and changed my life I was and I'm not a weak person not clingy overly sensitive etc so just because your significant other might look on the outside to be tough enough to handle it sometimes they aren't it's not her fault that I've been alone since then it's my responsibility to make myself happy but I think I'd rather be somewhat happy and safe being alone then risk it again even the thought of that happening again really bothers me some people are honest faithful and sincere if you aren't you better make sure it's the same on the other side or you could hurt someone else for no good reason and have to live with it for the rest of your life thank you so much for watching please like and subscribe the channel

Channel: Top Post

Views: 58,384

Rating: 4.8014183 out of 5

Keywords: high school, reddit stories, reddit

Id: WxW65a93cTU

Length: 26min 34sec (1594 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 14 2019