Part 1/3 - Why did you convert to Islam?

so then when it come everyone it's been literally ages since I did any video on my youtube and I'm really really really sorry but I get easily carried away with anything that is not relevant so let me get straight to the point today in chocolate I want to share with you my story of how I became a Muslim I am aware that I did upload it a few years ago and I rewatched it today and it's really really embarrassing by the way I feel first of all at the time I still hadn't figured out my place so it's very I feel I don't come across as very confident and I'm very slow with my words and I'm searching for words etc I just converted at the time also I feel it's not elaborate at all I think that's also because I was still on shaky grounds with my own self so I feel now I've been Muslim seven years and because you guys are always asking me to do a new and updated version of my story and chocolate today is that day and I'm so proud of myself for finally doing it so here goes I'm Estonian I'm born and raised in Estonia and those of you who don't know what is Estonia it is a Baltic country it's very very very tiny we're only 1.3 million people and the Muslim percentage I believe is roughly around 0.04 so now there's of course way more commerce but back in the day when I converted I didn't know anyone who was Muslim so my entire journey starts when I am 14 but just to give you a rough background story I was raised with no religion whatsoever my parents never talked to me about life before birth or life after death or any afterlife or any any beliefs or anything and that's also because they don't necessarily practice anything as well and I truly believe that you can live your entire life in Estonia without ever ever ever thinking about God and never questioning your existence or it's just not something that comes up and the majority of the people in the country they don't believe in any higher power some might be superstitious or spiritual but not necessarily religious no it's not it's not common to meet somebody who is religious even our grandparents grand grandparents it's just not it's just not there so around the age of 14 we me and my mom we started traveling and it was the first time in my life that I came across people of faith which was it wasn't something I necessarily processed right away but it was the first time and it was very odd because my whole life I am somewhat brought to believe that people who have faith are kind of people without a backbone weak people just like someone you feel sorry for or something like that which is really absurd I realized that these people they believe and they're normal people so for me it was like something doesn't add up like I don't get it I didn't think much of it but suddenly my circle of people changed a little bit depending on who I would hang out with the people who I would meet and we would add each other later on like whatever MySpace or hi-5 or we had something called or quit and that slowly started changing my set of mind my thoughts a little bit until one day I believe now I'm around 16 years old on point like Egypt became the most easiest accessible cheapest destination to travel to and we realized we've been to all the resorts for so many times and we decided to go to Cairo and in Cairo instead of paying for a hotel we found it's cheaper to actually rent an apartment or a studio or something and we have more space and more freedom so we rented an apartment in a place called the hab and-and-and and me and my mom we were always always always obsessed with getting tans and having darker skin so I was always really sad that I'm really fair so anytime I would always be the first girl at the beach and the last one to leave and I had a really great I had her like very very fake ten on myself all the time so we started going to a club over there and Rahab it was just like it has not a club like for dancing a club like you know tennis and swimming pools and gyms etc so we started going over there and they had something called ladies days which for me it made life a lot easier because as a a single girl in the Middle East you would kind of get unwanted attention so for me I was like ooh ladies days yeah I can feel like a lot more free and comfortable roaming around rather than uncomfortable so one day I went without my mom and I was just taking a tan in my bikini and then next to me there were two other girls from Germany and they were taking a tan as well so we started chatting and we became like we really hit it off I was Elizabeth and Annalise I don't know if you guys remember me but you're actually a part of my story and I don't think you know that so we hit it off we started chatting and everything and it turned out that they are German converts was the first time in my life that I heard about Congress and like what is Congress in my mind aslam was just something distant something for Arabs something in the Middle East something you need to keep away from me because it ain't for a white girl like me in Stony you know and so I was like okay fine and we they just were talking about their life before and then how they found like true meaning and it's love and I found that very interesting that was it I didn't think much of it and then we the ladies time finished and we're getting dressed and they cover up all of themselves like and they cover up like oh I mean cover up like really blue sea clothes and her job and everything and especially with this girl Elizabeth we hit it off really good and she invited me over to her place and I went I've always been like that I'm very spa not spontaneous I'm not spontaneous I'm very I decide something in the moment and if I'm convinced I just go ahead with it and I don't second-guess it so I went to her house and she pulled on the entire prayer out with nothing okay this is the day I'm going to die and so actually I was really really shocked so because she's like this gorgeous woman and suddenly I see her doing all of these things so it was really really interesting for me and kind of it felt okay to take information from her because she's somebody who I could relate to and she just gave me some children books about Islam which I was like okay fine and I took them so that was it I went back to my place and a few days later I traveled to Estonia then in the airport another key person in my story and Felicia I don't think you also know you're part of my story but if you're watching I hope you remember me so we were in the Cairo Airport and we are on our way back and we're flying with Czech Airlines and I have a transit and she also has the transit then she stood in front of me in the line so of course me I'm really nosy and I'm like oh what you doing what's your name how are you and I think she's holding like an Arabic book and I'm like what are you doing and she said oh actually my boyfriend's Muslim and I just want to know what he believes and in my mind I was like okay that's very like open-minded of you so she said I just want to find out what he believes in and so instead of fighting against something I know nothing about I decided to learn the Quran and I've learned the alphabet by now and I'm slowly slowly trying to read it for me I was like what and since we had time in our hands I told her can you please teach it to me as well so actually we had like a five hour transit I think and she taught me the entire alphabet at the time and I think I still have that paper by the way of like a leaf and everything and how it comes in the beginning and how it's in the middle and house in the end and so I took that paper and I went my own way at the time I'm sixteen or seventeen I'm not sure and I just went back home and I snows I didn't think about it again I hid those children books under my bed and I would just keep them there like so my parents don't get a heart attack and think I'm going crazy or something I would just put the children's books there I just gazed at them and I was like okay that's nice and whatever I continued with school I lived my life and but then somehow it couldn't shake me like I didn't I somehow these girls they put questions in my mind that I'd never thought about before like where do I come from where am I going what's the purpose of life I'm just gonna be like food for worms why do I ever get up from the couch why do I make an effort or there were these questions that they would just spin around in my mind and somehow over the course of time I I develop an understanding that it doesn't make sense but there's a higher creator but I never felt the need to have a religion I never had that I never felt like I have to label myself think a year went by or so and then I just I couldn't shake that feeling that no like this can't be it like you know I looked around me and I was think and I'm very surprised that I was like this by the way I'm a young young teenage girl at the time so like spine a lot and I'm like this can't be it so I started slowly slowly looking into religions my best friend at the time she converted to Christianity so that was something on my radar but I I never fully understood the concept of Jesus I didn't understand how come I don't have to pray to Adam or and then I thought maybe it's my lack of knowledge like I'm not convinced because I don't know enough so I thought okay I should study it right where to get the righteous knowledge where to get authentic knowledge that was always the issue because whatever you google just like garbage comes up but then I didn't answer my questions for me personally I am NOT saying anything against Christians but for me it never answered any of my questions rather I always felt more insecure and I felt I have more questions and I was even more confused and I was like Matthew who and Luke who and and there's only a translation and there is no original and there's so many versions and then the Trinity and it just for me personally it didn't add up and the same thing with Judaism and every other religion that I ever saw out there believed in so many gods and I didn't feel that that's for me I felt like there has to be this one creator and I'm convinced I just need to I need to I need to know and honestly like believe it or not when Christianity didn't work out for me and I was really bummed out I was like this was my chance and now it's gone and I wanted to believe now I don't have a religion I don't have anything else out there and like I never actually seriously thought about Islam as looking at it as something I could convert to and you know like it's really weird to say that now but at the time I felt like Christianity would be a such an easy way out and such a easy answer to all my questions like yes I would have to change but not drastically I could still eat the same way and dress the same way and I will would have found my path but I can go to church like once a week and that was a very my way of thinking but for me it just seemed to be like the last piece of the puzzle and it seemed like life would have been so much easier if it could have just ended with that like I found Christianity and that's it my parents would have still been shocked it's not it's still taboo to convert anything even if you convert to Judaism or Christianity or whatnot what anything it would build still be something weird that your family would be like you're crazy so so I remember one day in the end of high school I remember one day in the end of high school somehow on Google it came up that there's a small apartment in Estonia that has something to do with Muslims or something so I thought I asked my mom like can you drive me there I just want to check it out like what is this and my mom was like so scared because when I walked in all like women and black were entering and we've never seen anything like that in the stony was never seen a woman with covered hair and Estonia before so I went in and that was honestly like actually an experience that put me off the moment I entered they put out a hijab on me and I had no idea what is that it was very very strange I don't agree with this kind of approach but anyway it was what it is and at the time there was only a small apartment that they would rent out for Jamaa every Friday for prayers and there would be a small class in Estonia there's a small sect of Muslims called the Tatar ease with they originate from Russia so their first language is Russian which I can understand to a certain degree but I cannot study religion in it and I'm not fluent in it and there was one girl Amina who spoke Estonian as well so throughout the entire lecture she would translate things to me and I saw it actually pissed everyone else off a little bit because they couldn't focus on what was being said because someone was always like but I didn't have a notebook and had a pencil and I was very prepared and I remember that was the day I learnt the first thing ever that I actually knew about Islam which was the the hadith that if you see something wrong happening you should forbid it with your so by your actions if you cannot then with your words and if you cannot then forbid it in your heart and that's actually the first thing I ever learned about Islam which is now a nice memory but I wasn't captivated by this experience gave me some pamphlets and printouts because at the time there were no books in Estonian so I took those papers and everything and I hid them under my bed and so I kept them there again for a while and every now and then I would read them and look into them and you know now try to think of yourself as a non-muslim who has never read any religious books so all the Muslims who are looking at this you know we have Quran and hadith in Bukhari and Muslim and theater MIDI and all of these things and verses in the Quran etc we number them so when I open those books I had no idea how to read them and I was so confused the books were like a quote and like die thou has died today MIDI 7 7 to 2 book 5 baccarat 7 7 4 2 : quote another quote - two words like mom's like huh I didn't know how to read that thing and I think that's something that doesn't occur to any Muslim writer who writes these books because if you've never seen something like that you have no idea what's going on so I put all those books aside and I felt my only chance to study this faith is if someone tells me and I'm like who's gonna tell me I don't know a single Estonian Muslim who will tell me or explain to me and in the internet everything was garbage like I said everything I found was websites trying to bring the sum down books about forbidden love and like honor murders and everything like that so it was really was hard to find authentic knowledge so I kind of kept it but there was one book a brief illustrative guide to understanding Islam it was in English and that was fairly easy to read and actually in time now if I look at myself in retrospect if I would talk to other people I would defend the point of view of the slum but if someone would have ever asked me are you Muslim I'll be like are you out of your mind the first time I ever opened the Quran believe it or not I had a sticky note and I wrote down everything I didn't like sight I graduated high school and I decided to take a gap year cuz I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and in the course of that gap year I actually started getting more into studies of religion slowly slowly so now but like now it's been years that I'm into this topic but everything I ever study then the journey I went through it was oh me I never told my parents I never told my friends it's something that's not I don't think you would find a lot of people's sympathy maybe now a little bit more but back then like no I never even thought about sharing it with anyone I was still stuck in that same place I had belief in God and I felt like okay he knows I believe in him that should be good enough I shouldn't need a religion to label myself but in time like I said it wasn't enough I felt like if I'm here then I should probably do something and I didn't know what that something was so I was on the looks I was on the look out for that something said I started actually subconsciously believing in what islam teaches but i would never admit to myself that i was muslim or even that i believed in Islam so I started this kind of like cat mouse game with my own self like I would believe but I would convince myself that I don't so I was actually looking for something wrong with it to convince myself that this is not it because it's terrifying I just kept somehow stumbling onto information that was all about comparative religion and Islam did make the most sense but then still I would deny it because it was it was just scary I was scared when I still wasn't a believer I remember somebody asking me that okay let's pretend that in the end God's not real and it's not there so the believing person is asking me what will I have lost nothing I was always aiming to be a better person I always tried harder I tried better and I had God by my side and what will you have lost nothing but on the other side do you dare to even imagine I've got Israel what will happen in the end what's gonna happen to me I'm good what's gonna happen to you if you had all the signs and you ignored them you are one tiny girl from Estonia do you do you have the courage to take that responsibility of deciding that no there's no higher power there is no God and this is not my path and I remember that's scared the heck out of me and there was this was something that really motivated me I was always in the back of my mind I was like what if there's a 0.01% that I'm not right I'm not smart enough I'm not clever enough I don't have the bachelor's master's PhD I don't have anything new I have the courage of saying that no this is not it so that was something that really motivated me and pushed me to try harder and go stronger that one day online I was just looking for ways to study Arabic and I found out that actually an Islamic Center had opened up in Estonia and there was gonna be classes for Arabic and those classes were free I've never seen anything for you in my life before so obviously I was like no I need a spot in this class I need to take this class so automatically I signed up and the teacher of the Arabic class was actually a convert who had studied Arabic and done her master's degree on it and saw a button in France so she was actually the only person qualified to teach Arabic and to teach something within the scopes of Islam in Estonia but I was not signing myself up for an Islamic class I was signing myself up for an Arabic class so I did go to that Arabic class but she automatically signed me up to the Islamic class as well and I was like hey girl no but then I was like why wouldn't I take it I'm already on this quest might as well it's not gonna hurt but I was so scared to go to that mosque or Islamic Center I don't know why I find that a lot of the converts a message me they they're also really really scared to enter the mosque and I don't know why that is but it's just what it is okay so I went and it was the first time in my life I entered that classroom and it was like 20 women exactly like me everyone had the same questions like where do I come from where do I go what's my purpose in life and I've never seen that before especially Estonian so these girls actually became my friends for the next two years my closest group of friends and there was a girl as young as 15 and there was a woman who was like 55 and it was so diverse but everyone United and connected by the exact same thing so it was this is just mind-blowing and it was the first time in a really long time I felt like I belong somewhere and the teacher like Masha Allah she was amazing I think a large part of my journey is because she was teaching as well as she did and she really inspires me as a person as a Muslim so we sat down and she printed for us a book that we bind it together ourselves it was one part Estonian one part how to pronounce it in Estonian and one part the Arabic and then a lot of tough seed in the bottom so we sat down and we started with the Fatiha and she taught it in a really good way like she opened up everything to the last tiny detail like Miss Mila be Allah by name God and the tafseer of like three or four lines so to see it ie the explanation of a few lines would take us like two to three hours and the time would go like that and then we would listen to a man that edged me and hear how it's supposed to sound and it was it was just a really really really nice class actually the first day after the class we closed the books I was like okay nice and I don't know for what reason I went home and I memorized that they had that day so that comes to help me later when one day I learned to pray but I don't know why I think I thought it was exotic or something I learned the Fatiha but with every class that I kept going and it kept going and kept going I realized this is the only thing I'm waiting forward to my entire week and I loved it I loved it it wasn't about let me see what they believed it was about like I can't wait to find out what else I believe in it became about me and it became about somehow your heart being so convinced that this is the truth and I was actually a really really annoying student like I feel so bad for her but I think now it makes me better in dealing with others about some because I was really annoying with my questions so I feel like there isn't many things you can ask me that I would be like a I don't know how to take this like I would be like aha okay you say that there's an angel on both sides and the angels don't come to the bathrooms of what if I murdered someone in the bathroom it doesn't count so I was like a really really annoying students and she was just like hitting stuff so actually being this annoying and trying to find something wrong with it was what actually affirmed my faith in the end trying to find something wrong with it actually led me down the path of true faith because I discovered there is nothing wrong with it's fine' Allah so that was that every class was the best time of my life I made great friends I loved the lessons and I internalized everything I would go home all I wanted to do was live and read the Sun but I didn't practice anything let's say this was my court I was sitting there nicely okay it came time for prayer everybody would go even the other new students and then me I was just like I wait and then everyone would come back from prayer break and I was like okay let's continue studying the Quran now so I like it didn't click believing and practicing it didn't go hand in hand for me I believed but it was kind of still on the snooze button somewhere so I started these classes in December 2010 so skip forward to April 2011 that's where we are now with my timeline and I remember very very clearly it was the 10th of April 2011 and I had a pen pal called Matthew from Wales and we were chatting for like quite a couple of years I think and we were just like please play Yahtzee online and I don't know what and I remember he was Christian and I would always be like he was one of those people I was like really Christian and you're normal that's interesting I believe mmm nice so he was one of those people that in the beginning of my journey I was convinced that while people of religion can be normal people I was very surprised and we would chat and play and like whatever just we're kids and so one day he stopped responding to my messages and I've never met him obviously we just chat and play games online and he didn't respond he didn't respond and then I texted him like what's wrong what's this what's that and then I go on his Facebook profile and I remember it's the 10th of April because it's my mom's birthday and I'm sitting in the living room floor and I go on his Facebook and I watch his entire Facebook feed and everyone is leaving rest in peace rest in peace rest in peace Matthew and I was like what okay I have to say this now I've never dealt with death in my life until that point like hamdullah I was lucky enough nobody in my life died until that point I didn't know how to deal with it and honestly I freaked out and I remember I went like caps lock and everything and I was like how what is wrong with you people and like how can you do this what how can you say this this is such a sick joke and I don't know what and I was crying and my mom was seeing me crying my mom's like oh my god what happened I didn't get it I didn't get it at all and the first instinct I had was that I have to pray for him and then my second instinct was I don't know how to pray so I remember that from the Quran classes I'm currently attending in the Islamic Center they gave me like a booklet on how to pray I opened the booklet up okay I was like okay I'm going to be the first Muslim who does not know how to pray I am the first Muslim who couldn't pray so I was like okay what do I remember what do I remember okay we'll do we have to clean yourself at the time I still had fake nails long gel nails and I remember that you can't do with though you can't click you can't clean yourself for prayer if you have fake nails and I was like okay dear God sorry names mmm what to do so I googled how to do it and I was following the instructions like how to wash okay then like what okay I know we have to cover okay I had like a towel on my head and a robe and so okay I cut the book into sheets and papers and I put them all around me and a half a circle and I was praying to God that my mom doesn't come in my room because if my mom sees me like bowing down somewhere it's gonna be the end of me so I put all of it around and I'm still crying and okay okay what and you know how standing is one position but okay so like half bow is second position so Jude frustrating as the third position so the book says like let's say Asia prayer 1 2 2 3 3 4 4 1 1 2 2 2 2 and it's just like what I'm gonna be the first Muslim who can not pray and okay so I try and I look and I saw a video okay mm-hmm okay I got this so I start and okay I read from every single page that's around me - what and now I remember I already know that - huh so that was the easy part for me for everything else I had no idea what's happening I was like what - okay this me today whatever I do okay and I did it and my first prayer took me can you believe it or not 25 minutes but somehow it felt like that I felt like the quickest prayer in my life so that was it I went back to my computer and I found that Matthew's dad had messaged me and said that Matthew was born with an illness called cystic fibrosis and they knew from a very young age that he is going to do that he's going to die young and like I told you before in the story if I have an instinct and I believe is the right thing to do I would do it and I will not think twice I booked a plane ticket I told my mom I need to go and my mom's always been like this in my life that's why I love her unfortunately I know I'm never gonna be like that with my own kid but whenever she was she saw that I'm convinced with something she trusted me enough to let me do it if I felt it's the right thing to do so I went I arrived like 2:00 a.m. in the middle of Wales never been to Wales I'm teenager at the time I arrived to Wales it's dark it's 2:00 a.m. never seen Matthew never seen his family someone is gonna pick me up who's not even from his family but I did it for some reason I had such a strong inclination in my heart that I have to do this and I arrived and his family welcomed me like my own they took me in and I felt like I'm a celebrity when I arrived there everybody knew who I was there was like two or three hundred people and they all knew who I was oh my god you are lean and we go to the doctor to talk and I was like and the first time that I ever met Matthew was when he was in his casket you know they do open casket funerals and they asked me if I need a time or like a moment with him on my own and they just left me in a room with Matthew's dead body and a casket and that was the most surreal moment in my entire life I couldn't come to terms first with his death I couldn't come to terms why he didn't tell me anything because the last semesters that he ever sent me was that I need to tell you something I was a young girl who didn't know how to cope I had no idea what's happening or what's going on and the only thing I kept repeating to myself as that his death meant something his death meant something his death meant something it's the day I started to pray and I'm never gonna give it up and Spinola I never stopped praying till today I've never mr. prayer and I don't know when I would have started practicing Islam if it wasn't for this that was the it's so crazy so his parents welcomed me I slept in the morning it was the funeral the moms that he's not she's not going to go to the funeral she can't bury her own son I've never cried like that in my life you know you know when you see somebody else's sorrow it it can internalize and it's it was the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life and we entered the church for the funeral me and the mom and the dad can you believe it we've never met they don't know who I am anything and it's the three of us holding hands walking to the funeral and we've never Who am I you know like Who am I and I've never cried like that in my whole life and every time I would have a free break I would I carried something with me and I would try to pray again with my papers and my booklet and everything and I took prayer slowly at first I took one then two then three then four and then fire came later but that was the day I started and so I came back I remember I told everyone in the Islamic Center like I was holding very deep conversations how like oh my god everything you talk I told my teacher that oh my god everything you taught me how you're never supposed to take tomorrow for granted and don't go to sleep expecting that you're gonna wake up in the morning and then wake up in the morning expecting to return to bed in the night you never know what's tomorrow and that really really really shook me and my teacher was like yes that's why you need to act are you ready to take your Shahada and I was like oh no no no no so she's like can you write me a short story about your story with Islam so I can put it on our local website I was like okay fine and I wrote together a draft and my last sentence was inshallah one day I'm gonna be a good Muslim and she messaged me back she's like what do you mean one day you're gonna be a good Muslim and I was like I'm not one now and she's like oh sweetheart as soon as you believe in let her in Lala it means that you're Muslim I was like what so I I remember like even though it was all happening I had never for a split second thought of myself as a Muslim and I was like oh my god freaking out freaking out freaking out because no one in my family doesn't even know I'm investigating anything Hinduism Buddhism Judaism Christian anything they don't know anything and I'm gonna be like readings people I'm Muslim now so I was like oh my god I was freaking out for the next couple of months I remember I was consciously trying to leave signs for my mom that I didn't even something like Oh mother I attended this conference and Oh mother have you ever contemplated over life and death and Oh mother I think there's a higher creator it doesn't makes it like I would always start leaving little hints and clues because I was like oh my god oh my god oh my god think I think I lost my mind so anyway and then again she's like are you ready to take your Shahada and I'm like no everything for me started in Egypt I want to do it in Egypt and she's like sweetheart you are the one who who just witnessed that there might not be a tomorrow I are you willing to take that risk and wait you don't know when you're gonna go again and then she's like I want to do something I want to do something I want to take a group Shahada so all the girls in the class get the chance to do this together so I was like wow that's something really really unique especially for a country like Estonia when we're only 1 million people and nobody's Muslim so yeah that's it I said ok and the 14th of May 2011 we took our Shahada we were 12 girls and one boy everyone in a row a shadow la la la la la la la everyone was crying everyone with love cause like I love like that and it was just a crazy day like I remember all those girls I remember that like it was yesterday and I remember also not having anyone to share it with I went home like it was any other day I couldn't show my happiness I couldn't show my excitement but inside of me I was like oh my god I'm Muslim now and I remember a few months after I taken my Shahada it was Ramadan Ramadan in Estonia at the time sunset was 10:45 p.m. and time for the dawn prayer which is when you have to start fasting was at 2:00 so I thought I'm gonna be the first Muslim who cannot fast but subhanAllah actually I for my saying teacher to give me a class or like a lecture on what does Ramadan and how to behave in Ramadan and it was actually very very helpful and despite the extremely long hours I think it was one of the easiest moans that I've ever had but of course I was fasting in secret and it was hard but I didn't feel the hardship at the time I've been Muslim for seven years and I've never felt the way I felt back then yes it was hard and life was a struggle and I didn't belong anywhere and didn't have any friends and my family didn't know I was Muslim for secret for years for years I would pray in secret fast and secret alone always alone but at that time your Islam is so strong it's like your drug if I can explain it that way you're so high on it you're oblivious to everything that is a hardship because of it and that time unfortunately it does not last but it's a very very beautiful time so if you're in it now make the most out of it because it shall pass but it was an amazing time you feel like you finally found your purpose you feel like you were blind but now you can see you feel like everything is okay and the end of the day your life has meaning your life has purpose there's someone by your side there's someone to turn to there's a bigger picture there's a reason for everything so you have this inner peace and this inner peace and light is what I wish for every person in the world and I would so often make me sad to think that there are people who don't have it it doesn't have to be a sum that gives it to you but I just wish that you that you have it it's such a beautiful feeling to find your purpose in life so yeah hamdulillah and I remember like in university some exchange students would be Muslims and for me now it's something that I identify myself as and I would see like Kuwait T's and I don't know what and I would walk up to them and be like hello I am on Shell machine so people would be like it was always hard with the people who knew you before Islam the new people in your life they don't know you any other way so it was a lot easier so it was a lot easier for me to have a new environment and then from moment one I kind of tried to make the people who became close to me know that I'm Muslim right away so they can either decide want to be my friend or they don't and I remember I would design my University schedules according to prayer I would run out between classes maybe we'll do somewhere take the tram pray in a clothing store like fitting room but I would make it happen in this time you're oblivious to the hardship kind of because you're just so happy and so blessed and so excited to be Muslim that hummed Allah God makes the hardship kind of fade away hardship comes after because we all know we're going to be tested with that which we love most and if God grants you such an amazing gift of course he will make sure that you earn it and deserve it finished University I studied to be an English teacher and I realized if I want to make it for myself I cannot stay where I am a teacher salary is too low I'm not married my family is not Muslim I have to provide for myself and I can't do it here how am I ever going to have a community how am I ever going to feel like I belong how am I ever going to wear the hijab all of these questions in my life so I was determined to change my life and I did but it came at a price and it was to get to where I am today was the most difficult trip it was the most difficult journey I've ever embarked in my life I ended up in Ghana in Singapore and Morocco in Holland until I finally reached Scott that where I live now when we're happily married hamdulillah that was such and such a roller coaster and it's a completely different story so inshallah I will share that with you in episode 2 and but yes truly Islam is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm still so shocked till today that God chose me out of all the people in the world and it is a blessing and inshallah we never take it for granted and I hope you like my story and I hope you found something beneficial in it and yeah wishing you lots of peace and love and see you soon bye Salam alaikum know

Channel: Eslimah

Views: 842,839

Rating: 4.9046888 out of 5

Keywords: convert, revert, muslim, islam, faith, god, allah

Id: f8zRWg4wVQE

Length: 37min 32sec (2252 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 12 2018