Now we want you to look at Ephesians chapter
6, and I know, I only get a certain amount of time on Sunday and I ate up half of what
I get for tonight, because we got a little bit long this morning, so I'm not going to
keep you a long time tonight. But I do want to bring to a final conclusion
our brief series on Ephesians chapter 5 on the Spirit-filled life and the outcomes of
that Spirit-filled life that have to do with marriage and the family. All of this really started back in verse 18,
"Be being kept filled with the Holy Spirit." And we talked about the fact that we ought
to be under the control of the Holy Spirit, not under the control of alcohol cause that
leads to dissipation. We talked a little bit about the Christian
and drinking alcohol. And then we launched off into what it means
to be filled with, controlled by the Holy Spirit and how it produces all kinds of wonderful,
spiritual benefits. We speak to one another in Psalms and hymns
and spiritual songs, sing and make melody with our hearts to the Lord. We're always giving thanks for all things
and we're subject to one another in the fear of Christ. So it produces praise and worship. It produces gratitude and thanksgiving. And it produces a willing submission that
makes the body of Christ work together. And the Spirit-filled life is also the most
compelling reality in marriage. As we get into verse 22, you remember, we
have instruction about wives being subject to their own husbands, and husbands loving
their wives, verse 28 puts it, as their own bodies. Even more importantly, as verse 25 puts it,
loving their wives as Christ loved the church. Now that is the key to a fruitful and effective
and God-blessed marriage. Wives submitting to the leadership of the
husband who leads in the same way that Christ leads His church. And we went through the details of that in
the text. Then we came to chapter 6 and we looked at
the issue of how Spirit-filled families function. First, "Children obey your parents in the
Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the
first commandment with a promise so that it may be well with you that you may live long
on the earth." And we talked about the importance of children
being obedient and that it has a qualitative benefit in that it comes with a promise. It has a quantitative benefit in that you,
if you are an obedient child, will not have your life cut short because the Lord disciplines
you for your rebellion, but you'll live a full long life. And so we've covered the general aspect of
life in the church, the role of the wife, the role of the husband and the duty of the
children. That leaves us with a final word from verse
4 and that has to do with parents. It begins with the word, "Fathers," in the
English but the Greek term patera can embrace parents as well. And it does that, by the way, in the eleventh
chapter of Hebrews, it is translated in your Bible as parents because it can have that
meaning. "Do not provoke your children to anger but
bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." And you might think if the Apostle Paul wanted
to give us a section on parenting, it might be a little bit longer than that. There might be a few more details. But again, the amazing economy of effort with
which the Holy Spirit inspires the Scripture shocks us and surprises us, and yet as we
begin to dig down into these powerfully loaded statements, we find that they're much richer
than maybe we would think on the surface. Now I've been telling you, coming at it from
a little bit of a different angle that marriage is in trouble in America. And I made the point several times, and not
only in America but in other parts of the world as well, particularly those in the western
part of the world. And I have introduced to you that there are
lots of things that assault and attack marriage. Obviously immorality attacks marriage, homosexuality
attacks marriage, divorce attacks marriage, every kind of infidelity attacks marriage. But I've also added the other component that
singleness attacks marriage. And there is a preoccupation and a selfish
culture with people wanting to fulfill their own desires, their own ambitions and not have
to defer to somebody they're stuck with the rest of their lives. So singleness becomes one of the great assaults
on marriage. And just to follow that up a little bit, as
a way of introduction, in a recent Pew Trust Survey, and the Pew Trust funds a lot of surveys,
the question was asked of unmarried people, a large sampling of unmarried people, "Do
you want to get married?" Forty-six percent of those people said yes. Fifty-four percent of the people in a national
survey said no. This is what supports what I've been telling
you, people are hostile in many cases toward marriage. Now, this poses a great problem because people
still want to have--guess what?--children. Masses of children consequently are being
born without married parents. In fact, the Pew Survey asked another question. "Is the ideal marriage a husband who provides
and a wife who cares for the home and the children? Is that an ideal marriage?" Thirty percent of the people said yes. Thirty percent of the people surveyed in America
believe that the ideal home is a father who provides and a mother who cares for the children
and the home. As...As that question was asked, let's go
say 30 years ago, 1977, the answer was forty-three percent. Go back another twenty years, and it was a
higher percent. And I'm afraid that ten years from now if
this same question is asked, it might be twenty percent. As this interest in marriage continues to
decline, and as this sense that the family is a father who provides and a mother who
cares for the home and the children disappears from life. But whatever is happening in the culture,
the Bible doesn't change. A father and a mother who are married have
children. The father provides and the mother cares for
the home and the children. That is the biblical definition of marriage
and the family. Go back with me for a minute to Deuteronomy
6, just as a sort of preliminary thought before we look at Ephesians chapter 6. But in Deuteronomy chapter 6, when you have
God establishing His people in the land, it gives them a formula for life. And we will pick it up with very familiar
words in verse 4, the Shema , "Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all
your heart, with all your soul, with all your might, these words which I am commanding you
today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons
and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when
you lie down, and you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand
and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your
house and on your gates." This is instruction for the fact that a family
is to be under the control of parents who continually make the dominating influence
of that home the Word of God. Writing it on your hands means that you view
all your labors through a biblical perspective. Putting it on your head, as it were, means
you view life, it's a world view symbol through the eyes of Scripture. We are to be that kind of people in the world
today, people who raise children who are submissive to, obedient to the Word of God. Every Christian home should be a place where
Scripture dominates, where it is talked about when you stand up, sit down, walk in the way,
or lie down. Pervasive exposure to the truth of God should
dominate a Christian family. And I'm afraid that even in so-called Christian
families, that's not happening...a lot of other things tend to dominate. Television tends to dominate, computers, athletics,
social issues, pop culture, you name it. But the plan of God hasn't changed. Let's go then to the sixth chapter of Ephesians
with just that as kind of a sort of introduction point and take a look at this fourth verse
which is so important about parenting. Now remember that we started out with the
submission of the wife to the husband. Then we went to the submission of the husband
to the wife, his submission takes the form of his love for her. He submits to do whatever is beneficial and
blessing to her, that's his submission. Children submit to their parents. We went through that based upon Exodus chapter
20 and verse 12, "Obey your parents," we saw that. That is critically important. Parents are to make sure, and this is implied,
that their children learn to be obedient to them. That's part of training your children. Children are not naturally going to obey their
parents...not at all. They must be taught respect and they must
be taught obedience and they must be disciplined for disobedience and disrespect. That's implied in verses 1 to 3. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, first
of all, how would children know what was expected of them, connected to the Lord, unless the
instruction that is given as I read to you in Deuteronomy 6 was imposed upon them. And if I can just play off of that for a minute
and say this, we have had decades now of this pervasive lie of self-esteem, that what you're
supposed to teach your children is how good they are, how great they are, how noble they
are, how unique they are, how clever they are, how powerful they are because they can
do anything they want to do and be anything they want to be. That's what you're supposed to tell your children. And the theories of that bizarre kind of self-esteem
philosophy that started in the seventies and took root in the eighties, the theory is that
if you teach your children self-esteem, and this is what we were told, they'll be better
people, they'll feel better about themselves because their rebellious behavior, their bad
behavior, their criminal behavior is all because they don't know how wonderful they are. So, the argument really was well designed
in the eighties. We can reduce crime, we can reduce unwanted
pregnancies, we can reduce drugs, we can reduce school failure, we can reduce pollution, they
even reached into the environmental area, if we just get young people to think more
highly of themselves. So now what we have is no change in any of
that for the good, all of that is far worse and we have an epidemic of liars. We have a world full of people who lie about
themselves, lie about their capabilities, lie about their achievements, lie about what
they're worthy of, and it's all good. All the good science, by the way, is now beginning
to say that this is a horrible experiment. It is a disastrous experiment. Here we are 30 some years later and the young
generation is worse than they've ever been. They now have the idea that they're entitled
to whatever they want because they're worthy of it. They're entitled to have all their needs met,
all their wants, all their desires fulfilled. And they're entitled to have whatever money
they want, whatever job they want, whatever accolades they want, whatever elevation they
want, whatever respect they want, just because they're worthy of it. And we have a whole generation of conceited
liars and hypocrites, and self-promoting people, the opposite of the kind that serve the public
good even in a secular sense. What happens in a self-esteem culture is that
everybody wants to look good and feel good so people lie about everything, the opposite
of the right thing. So how do we raise our children? How do we do it? Well, it's all basically boiled down to one
verse, verse 4, just this one verse. "Don't provoke your children to anger, but
bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Now in the church, this was clear, in the
early church, the church to which the Apostle Paul writes in Ephesus and the church in general,
this was clear because they would have followed the Old Testament pattern, as I laid it out
in Deuteronomy. They would have been very familiar with probably
the instruction for parenting that is in the book of Proverbs, the Jewish people, the Jewish
believers in every city and certainly in Jerusalem would have known Proverbs. They would have known was required in the
Old Testament for parenting. And it wouldn't have taken very long for the
Gentile churches to wake up to what the Scripture said about parenting. And they would want to know that because in
Paul's day, there existed some attitudes toward children that were really very, very abusive. If you think there's child abuse today, try
this on. There was a Roman--basically a Roman law called
the Patria Potestes in Latin. Patria Potestes , that is in English the father's
power. The father had unilateral and absolute power
of life and death over his children. A Roman father had so much power over his
family that he could sell any family member as a slave. He could make any family member or all of
them work in the fields, even in chains. He could take the law into his own hands,
he could punish any family member with his own hands, or even inflict the death penalty
on a family member. And he had this right as long as he lived. No age limit, on the father's absolute control. In reading the ancient literature when a child
was born into that...that world at that time, the child would be brought before the father's
feet and if the father stooped to life the child, that was the sign that he acknowledged
had a right to live. If he turned and walked away, the child would
be thrown away. There is an amazing letter that comes from
1 B.C. from a man named Hilarion to his wife named Alis, A-l-i-s in the transliteration. This is the letter that the archaeologist
found. Here's how it goes translated into English. Hilarion to Alis, his wife, heartiest greetings. Ladies, when you get a letter that starts
like that from your husband, your marriage is in trouble. Heartiest greetings. Well, that's a sort of British interpretation
of whatever it was he said. And we might think that some English husbands
might say, "Heartiest greetings, my dear." But nonetheless, the letter goes on. "Know that we are still even now in Alexandria,"
he was away, he was a soldier. "Do not worry if when all others return I
remain in Alexandria. I beg and beseech you to take care of the
little child and as soon as we receive wages, I will send them to you if good luck to you,
you have a child and if it is a boy, let it live; if it is a girl, throw it out." That's the letter that is extant from the
first century. Unwanted children were commonly left in the
forum. They were collected at night and then people
had them as slaves. They stocked the prostitution houses of Rome
and they became chattel, human tools for slave owners. Seneca wrote, "We slaughter a fierce ox, we
strangle a mad dog, we plunge the knife into the sickliest cattle, children who were born
weak and deformed we drown...we drown." That's the world, that's the Mediterranean
world of the New Testament era. Into that world comes the instruction of the
Word of God very much like the Old Testament. The children, of course, are to obey their
parents in the Lord and they will be quantitatively blessed with long life and qualitatively blessed
because it is a command with a promise. And parents are to take seriously the responsibility
of parenting and not ever provoke their children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline
and instruction of the Lord. This was very counter-culture and you just
need to understand that. Now let's take the word "fathers" there, patera
it is the word for fathers. But as I said, it can be extended beyond fathers
to embrace parents, and it's used that way of the...in Hebrews 11 of the parents of Moses. But the father is this symbol of the parental
responsibility because he's the lead parent. Thus patera strongly places him in the place
of leadership in the home. And we all understand that because that is
consistently indicated throughout Scripture. I don't want to go through this again but
in Proverbs, for example, chapter 4, "Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father. When I was a son to my father, tender and
the only son in the sight of my mother, then he taught me and said to me." This was the dominating pattern, the father,
the mother along with it, Proverbs also talk about follow the wisdom of your mother, but
the father takes the lead. He is the one responsible for teaching the
children. Both are to be involved, but it is the father's
primary responsibility. He will be held, I believe, accountable to
God for that instruction, to give prudence, to give knowledge and discretion to the young. That's how Proverbs begins. We might say, borrowing from the example of
our Lord that we want to bring up a child mentally, physically, socially and spiritually. Remember that? Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and favor
with God and man. That's those four categories. Parents then have this responsibility of raising
their children in the nurture and the admonition in the Lord. Just a little insight into the affects that
the culture sees on children that are most beneficial. There was a study done at Harvard University
some years ago and that study has been a very definitive study and what that study discovered
was crucial factors in predicting delinquency and predicting delinquency in children five
and six. They took a sampling of children at the ages
of five and six, and they did surveys of those children and the homes they were in and out
of that they predicted delinquency. They checked the children four years later
and they found that 90 percent of their predictions were accurate. In other words, by what they saw at five and
six they could determine the future and be 90 percent accurate. They said there are four necessary factors
to prevent discipline. This is what showed up. And by the way, tests like this are very interesting
because they demonstrate reality and they will correspond to Scripture because God knows
reality and therefore when you see reality it will match the Scripture. Here's what the necessary factors were to
prevent delinquency. Number one, the father's discipline. The father's discipline. And it went on to say fair and consistent. Two, the mother's supervision...the mother's
supervision. The mother was with the children. Where the children were and with the children
when they were doing whatever activities they did. Thirdly, the mother's and father's affection
for each other demonstrated. The mother's and father's affection for each
other demonstrated. And fourthly, the family's cohesiveness, father,
mother, children united together in life. That is revolutionary in our current climate
. A father's discipline, a mother's regular
consistent daily supervision, a father and mother's affection for each other demonstrated,
and family cohesiveness, time spent together. Where that existed you had a healthy whole
child. Another test was done by a medical doctor
and a book was written called Christian Child-Rearing and Personality Development, this is a man
named Paul Meyer. And his study revealed this, and this is quite
interesting. Five things are essential to right parent/child
relationships...five things. One, love...love, dominating love in a home. Parents love for each other, parents love
for the children. Two, discipline...discipline. Regular and again, just and firm discipline. Three, consistency...consistency. And when Paul Meyer looked at this issue of
consistency, it was not just consistency in discipline, it was consistency in standards,
principles, responses, rules, reactions so that the child doesn't get punished one time
for something and get away with it another time. A standard isn't set here and then violated
here. Love, discipline, consistency and the fourth,
said Dr. Meyer, was example. In healthy families parents do not expect
children to live up to standards they themselves don't adhere to. Parents should never expect their children
to live up to standards they themselves do not observe. And then number five in guaranteeing a healthy,
parent, child relation, a man at the head of the home. There's a comment made in that book, "The
vast majority of neurotics, both children and adults, grew up in homes where there was
no father or the father was absent or the father was weak, or the mother was domineering. So again, when the world looks at parenting,
this is what it comes up with from a medical viewpoint, from a sociological viewpoint,
the absolute importance of these things. This is reality because that's all consistent
with what the Bible says. Love, discipline, consistency, example, a
man in the home, father's discipline, mother's supervision, mother and father with affection
for each other, family togetherness, that's all biblical. That's all what we saw in verses 22 to 33
in a marriage. So that's what sort of undergirds the simple
statement of verse 4. Now let's take that statement in verse 4 and
just look at it practically for a minute. First there's a negative statement, "Don't
provoke your children to anger. Don't provoke your children to anger." Don't make them mad. There is a parallel statement, Colossians
3:21, "Don't exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart." Don't exasperate them, provoke them. By the way, the verb "provoke," parorgizo,
is an intense form of to make angry. It means to create an irritation that angers
them. Don't do what angers your children. What exasperates them. What frustrates them. What embitters them. What disheartens them. Now you have a delicate balance here because
you have to exercise authority, you have to exercise discipline, you have to establish
standards, you have to hold them to those standards. Discipline has to be corporeal, you spare
the rod, you spoil the child. So you're disciplining in a physical way. How do you discipline and not cross a line
to frustrate your children? How does a parent end up provoking children
and making them angry and consequently creating bitterness, animosity, conflict, hostility
in the home and having the kids bolt and destroy the relationship that the parent wants with
them? Let me just talk to you a little bit as a
father here, a little practicality. Here are a number of ways that you can really
irritate your children. Number one, by overprotection...by overprotection. Fence them in, never trust them, never give
them opportunity to develop independence, mock their decisions, you must take some risks. You cannot deprive them of all freedom. You cannot take away all their independence. Deprivation will instill an angry mood in
a child, especially when they compare themselves to the freedoms that other children have. They will not read that as love. They will not read that as for their benefit. They will read that as abusive. They are people. They have been created in the image of God. They are the special care of God. God has a plan in their lives and while you
are to bring them to the knowledge of the gospel and the knowledge of Jesus Christ,
and bring them under the power of the Holy Spirit as much as you can be the instrument
by which God does that, you do not have to be God in their lives. Giving them wisdom and insight and input and
when they're young, disciplining them and teaching them by that discipline to make wise
decisions, to make noble reactions even to disappointing things, that's fine. But you must allow them to express themselves
little by little. And even when they have a really dumb idea
and make a dumb comment from time to time, affirm that that's a wonderful insight, at
least at the point at which they are in life. Encourage them to think for themselves. Encourage them to make decisions. Allow them to feel some of the pain of a bad
decision. Don't over-protect them, you'll strangle them
and they'll become bitter. Another way that you can frustrate your children,
exasperate them and provoke them to anger is by favoritism. There are a lot of illustrations of this,
even, of course, in Scripture. Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, Rebecca favored
Jacob over Esau. The sad results are well known to everybody. Favoritism is a very, very bad thing in a
family. It will cause a child to become angry and
bitter if that child is not treated equally to the others. You don't want to say to your children, "Why
can't you be like your older sister?" "We don't have any problem with your brother,
why are you the way you are?" That kind of brow-beating depreciating, downgrading
will cause deep hurt and frustration. I even have had my grandchildren say to me,
"Papa, who's your favorite grandchild?" Have you ever have yours ask you that? Who's your favorite? And my answer might range from, "Well right
now you are," to "I love you all the same." It's one thing to say that, it's got to be
demonstrated. Just running through some thoughts. You can also provoke your children to wrath
by pushing achievement...pushing achievement unrealistically. There are many, many parents, sometimes in
the academic area, sometimes in athletic area, other areas of success, sometimes socially,
who literally crush their children with pressure to excel, whether it's in school, academics,
activities, sports, whatever it might be. The pressure is so profound that the child
is crushed. I never think of this without remembering
a girl many years ago in our church, I remember her vividly and Patricia would remember her
as well. She ended up in the padded cell at UCLA in
a strait jacket. She was about 17, beautiful young girl. And I heard about it because I knew her and
so I went to visit her at the hospital and I remember the conversation that I had at
the psyche ward at UCLA. They said, "Well you can't come in." And she's in a special cell and nobody can
see her but a psychiatrist because you might do damage to her and I had some kind of response,
"Well how much damage can you do additionally to pump somebody who's in a padded cell? I'm the pastor from her church and I think
I can help." Well they told me she's catatonic, she's in
a catatonic state which means she's glazed over, she just stares into space and doesn't
respond. I said, "Well, please, I want to see her,"
and I was pressing the issue. And I said, "I promise you I won't do any
damage." I'll never forget, I went in, there was a
bed in the place and I sat on the bed, I said her name and I said, "Hi, how are you?" She looked right at me and just in her normal
voice she said, "Not so well." So much for the catatonic state. Found out she was so profoundly traumatized
because she couldn't achieve academically what her parents wanted her to achieve. And the only way she could escape was to pretend
to be completely insane, which she wasn't. I had a conversation with her. I had another conversation with her. It's clear that she could talk to me just
like always talked to me. They let her out of the hospital. In a few weeks she took her life. She couldn't be what her parents wanted her
to be. And it was so extreme that this beautiful
young girl ended her life. That's the most extreme illustration but a
very personal one. Children will become bitter trying to live
up to unrealistic and foolish expectations of parents. They won't be happy. They won't be joyful. Let them be what they're capable of being. Encourage them. Don't force them for the sake of your own
pride to be high achievers. That will provoke them to anger. Another way that parents provoke their children
to anger is by discouragement...by discouragement. No rewards, no approval, no honor, no affection. That's very hard on children. They desperately want approval. And guess who they want it from most? From Mom and Dad. They need to hear, "That's wonderful, that's
great. You've done a terrific job at that." You don't gain any ground by tearing down. Look for ways to reward your children. Look for ways to honor them. Look for ways to elevate them. Genuine ways, not artificial ways. Another way you can provoke your children
to anger is by failing to sacrifice for them...by failing to sacrifice for them. Sacrifice your own agenda, your own time,
your own schedule, your own plans, your own possessions for them. If you don't make sacrifices for your children,
then they're going to be convinced that they're nothing but an intrusion. And they'll resent you. They're just burdens. I mean, it can come down to something that
you think you need but you know your child has a desire for something and you sacrifice
what you think you need for what you know is in the heart of that child. That sends a very important message to that
child, that you're not an intrusion, you're more important to me than I am. Because you're the parent, it's easy to be
the bully in the home and it's easy for you to fulfill all the things that you want and
give little thought to the desires of the hearts of the children. Never make children feel like they're the
second-class citizens, they're intruding into your life. Take them to places they want to go and don't
say, "I don't have time for you, I can't be bothered with that." Or they will resent you. Another way that you can provoke your children
to wrath is by failing to allow for growing up. Let them make mistakes. Let them goof up. Let them be ridiculous. Let them have ridiculous ideas. Don't condemn them. Don't expect perfection, just look for progress. Another way that you could provoke your children
to anger is by neglect...by neglect. A neglected child would be an angry child. Never use withdrawal of fellowship, withdrawal
of affection, withdrawal of love from anybody as a means of punishment. And remember that lack of discipline is a
form of neglect. This is a great sin today, neglecting children...neglecting
to discipline them, neglecting to love them, neglecting to sacrifice for them. And another way that you can provoke your
children, this is pretty obvious, by bitter words...bitter words, physical cruelty. You have the word power to devastate your
children. You can put devastating words together that
they can't match you. They can be crushing and you can make them
angry by physical cruelty. Well those are just some practical things
to think about. You have the responsibility to discipline
your children in a context of love, but you don't want to step over the line. One writer put it this way, "If a child lives
with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns
to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns
to be shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to
feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns
to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns
to be confident. If a child lives with praise, he learns to
appreciate. If a child lives with fairness, he learns
justice. If a child lives with security, he learns
to trust. If a child lives with approval, he learns
to accept himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns how to find love in the world." So that's the negative side. Don't provoke them to wrath. Now, let's just a comment or two about the
positive. Back to verse 4. "Bring them up in the discipline and instruction
of the Lord," or nurture and admonition as the old versions say. Bring them up, bring them up, they won't get
there on their own. That's a verb that tells you what you need
to do, bring them up, raise them. That's why we talk about raising children,
growing children. It's an enterprise. And you could go back to Deuteronomy 6 and
what did we read in Deuteronomy 6? What are the components that God places in
that text inside families. One, recognize God as supreme, the Lord is
One. That's how you raise them up. Recognize God as supreme. And then love God with all your heart, soul,
mind and strength. And then obey His Word. And then teach by example. That's all in Deuteronomy 6. And then constantly use life as the classroom,
when you stand up, lie down, sit down, walk in the way. And then leave reminders about the priority
of God's Word everywhere, all around the house. Put it on your doorpost, put it on your hands,
put it on your head. And Deuteronomy 6, verses 10 to 12 ends that
passage by saying, "Warn them...warn them about the evil around them in the world." Now there's a formula. Go back to Deuteronomy 6:4 to 12, recognize
God as supreme, love God, obey His Word, teach by example, use life as a classroom, leave
reminders around of the divine priorities, and warn them about the world and its evil. Bring them up that way. Bring them up in the discipline...the discipline,
paideia...paideia, a word used for training children, instructing children, teaching children. Used in Hebrews 12 for discipline, "Whom the
Lord loves He disciplines. Whom the Lord loves He chastens." So what is discipline? It is training by rules...listen...training
by rules and regulations enforced by rewards and punishment. That's discipline. Training by rules and regulations enforced
by rewards and punishment. That simple...that simple. That's discipline. Well what is the next word? Verse 4, Instruction, nuthaseia(?) , it means
verbal teaching. So the first is kind of what you do. You establish rules and you hold them to the
rules and you reward them when they obey them, and you punish them when they don't. This is verbal instruction. This is what you say specifically to the child,
the instruction that comes from the Lord. But simply, you teach them the Word of God. Teach them what God wants them to know. And you start with recognizing that they're
unregenerate. I mentioned last time if there's a strange
doctrine kind of a minority doctrine in Reformed Theology called Presumptive Regeneration which
says that if a child has been baptized as an infant, you can presume they're regenerate. That's a foolish concept. To presume that a child is regenerate is to
defy what Scripture says, that they're all born sinners and that sin has to be confronted
and driven out of them with discipline...as well as instruction. Children are in desperate need of salvation
and then after salvation, sanctification. So the instruction is, regarding salvation
and then sanctification. Well, if we are faithful to do these things,
we have done all that we can do to invest in our children. One father summed it up this way. "If I were starting my family again, I would
love my wife more in front of my children, I would laugh with my children more at our
mistakes and joys, I would listen more, even to the smallest child. I would be more honest about my own weaknesses,
never pretending to be better. I would pray differently for my family, rather
than focusing on them, I would focus on me. I would do more things together with my children. I would do more encouraging. I would bestow more praise. I would pay more attention to the little things,
deeds and words of kindness and thankfulness. But mostly--said this father--I would love
God more, every day seeking to adore Him in front of them." This is how Spirit-filled parents raise their
children. This is a goal for all of us. Let's pray. Father, we thank You that we've been able
again tonight to open Your Word, talk just practically and simply about such a crucial
area. We have such little hope for families I our
world today, in a culture of people who are totally disinterested in what the Word of
God says who are consumed with their own selfish desires, who have no interest in a biblical
pattern for family, no interest in the biblical model, no interest in Your divine commands,
no interest really in what kind of children there are in future generations. It seems impossible to stem the tide, to change
the course, to alter the world and it is. But You haven't asked us to do that. You've asked us to be the church, to be the
church. And so we can pray that we as the church,
the true church of Jesus Christ will be the kind of Christians, the kind of husbands,
the kind of wives, the kind of parents and the kind of children who will model the blessedness
of Spirit-filled family life so that we can show the world something pure, something wonderful,
something rich, something rewarding, something satisfying, fulfilling, joyous in our families,
something that makes the gospel attractive and Christ attractive, something that will
captivate the heart of the lonely and the isolated and the forgotten and the abused
and the rebellious. Show them a better life, a better way. May we not only be Christians in the world,
but may we be Christian families in the world. And may our attractiveness draw people to
the gospel and to the Savior. And this we ask for Your glory. Amen.
