Parenting Mistakes that Destroy a Childs Self Esteem

 Unlimited CEUs for $59 at AllCEUs.com hey there everybody and welcome back to the doc  Snipes Channel today we're talking about parenting  mistakes that destroy a child's self-esteem I'm  your host Dr Donnelly Snipes you know I'm a fan of   mnemonics and I came up with another one and this  one is no choice which kind of makes sense when a   child has their self-esteem just obliterated a  lot of times they feel like they have no choice   the first first thing that parents can do that  can destroy a child's self-esteem is neglect   if the parent fails to provide emotional support  or physical support the child may start feeling   like hey I'm not even worth my my parents  time I'm not even worth my caregiver's time   so even though the caregiver maybe May  recognize that I love my child and I want   the best for him so I'm working 80 hours  a week the child may not understand that   all the child sees is the caregivers not there  or when they are upset if the caregiver is too   overwhelmed with their own stuff to be able  to be emotionally supportive that emotional   neglect again the child perceives that as my my  caregiver doesn't care about me I'm not worth   being the attention I'm not worth caring about  and they're just going to focus on their stuff overbearing parents or overbearing behaviors  can also erode a child's sense of self-esteem   if caregivers are constantly telling children  this is what you need to do this is what you   will do you're going to take these lessons you're  going to grow up if a caregiver is living living   vicariously through their child trying to quote  do it right this time that is extremely damaging   because it violates the child's boundaries and  tells the child what to think feel and do instead   of allowing the child to say this is what I think  this is what I feel and this is what I want to do   the overbearing parent often has a lot of  self-esteem issues and regrets and guilt   that they need to process so they can allow their  child the ability to become the individual that   they were born to be criticism that is excessive  and unconstructive can also be problematic and I   come back to the mnemonic think truthful helpful  inspirational necessary and kind sometimes as   caregivers we have things that we want to tell  our kids that we believe we have constructive   feedback that we believe is truthful we believe  that it would be helpful for them to know   we think we can say it in an inspirational and  kind way but ultimately it's not necessary they're   doing it their way not our way and they're doing  just fine thank you very much so we really need to   pick our battles as my mother used to say  and recognize that criticism um it can be   overwhelming to a child so providing criticism  it's important that if it is truthful helpful   and necessary that you do it in a way that is  as inspirational and kind as possible but also   focuses on behaviors not the child you're  saying I don't like this Behavior or you   need to address or fix this Behavior you're  lovable for you I don't like the behavior   and making sure that the feedback is  constructive help them see why it's important to   make these changes harsh discipline without  redirection is similar to frequent criticism   children need positive feedback not just negative  feedback children need to know that hey you're   good at some things children need the opportunity  to explore and find out what they are good at   when children experience harsh discipline it  takes away a behavior it's like okay I know not   to do that again but if they're not provided with  Alternatives then eventually you have this child   that feels helpless and Powerless because they're  like well I can't I can't respond this way you   know when I get angry I can't respond by throwing  a tantrum but I don't have any other skills I   don't know how to act or react when I get angry so  I either do it again and get punished for it again   or I don't know and then if I get punished for  it again I feel bad about who I am and I feel bad   that I made my parents angry and blah blah blah  so it's important to recognize that yes children   need boundaries children need discipline to help  them understand it's important to stay Within   within the bounds and as children  get older we give them more freedom   but it is also important that if you are trying to  punish or correct or eliminate a behavior that you   provide them a reasonable alternative when you get  angry these are the things that you can do when   you um don't have any clean clothes this is what  you can do instead of getting clothes out of the   hamper and wearing them to school this is what you  can do and obvious I would hope children wouldn't   be disciplined for that but it's important to  recognize that I remember when my son was little   we went to my grandmother's house and she had lots  of knickknacks and everything and we talked to him   ahead of time and he knew he wasn't supposed to  touch certain things in the house and he went   into my grandmother's house and we weren't there  very long before he walks over to the television   which he wasn't supposed to touch he looks at me  and he points to the television and he says no   touch and I said yes no touch he touches it anyway  and I was like no touch and he says time out and I   said yep time out and he toddled over and you know  took his time out for him he needed to see if the   rules still applied he wasn't afraid to ask to  explore um and when he would get put in timeout   when my or they'd lose privileges or something  that was the punishment but then we would also   talk about in the future what could you do  differently so you don't encounter punishment parents who are overprotective and I know  that sounds weird but being overprotective   can actually thwart a child's self-esteem too  because it says I don't think you're capable of   dressing yourself I don't think you're capable  of making good decisions I don't think you're   capable of doing this I don't think you're capable  of handling rejection or unpleasantness so I am   going to make sure that I hover over you and  guard you at all costs now if you're talking   about an infant of course but when you're talking  about a five-year-old or a 15 year old and you're   still hovering over them as if they were a  helpless infant it's often communicates to   them that they are incompetent and uncapable and  they start feeling like the world is really scary inattentive caregivers now we talked about not  being there for emotional support or neglecting   to meet the child's emotional or physical needs  but when I'm talking about inattentiveness   I'm talking about failing to provide positive  attention spending quality time with the child   letting them know that hey you are worth my time  I enjoy spending time with you being attentive   and trying to ask them questions about what they  like and what they want to do and getting their   input empowering them to communicate comparisons  can also be very damning to children when you are   comparison comparing them to yourself when  I was your age I had to do all these things   and you know why aren't you doing them or when I  was your your age I could do calculus why can't   you the children the child may start to feel  bad about themselves comparing them to other   students comparing them to siblings um can be very  damaging and so it's important if you're going to   compare them to compare them to themselves and I  encourage people to do this in counseling all the   time even as adults compare yourself to who you  were yesterday try to be a little bit better A   Little Bit Stronger than you were yesterday  and that gives you something to work from   but comparing yourself to other people is not fair  because you don't know what their story and what   their resources are and comparing children to  other kids is also not fair because each child   each person has their own individual talents and  instead of saying you should be like this person   turning the conversation and saying how can I help  you be the best version of you that you can be   and finally expectations that are unrealistic  and caregivers May be doing this out of true   belief in the child and love and wanting  to encourage the child saying you can   learn how to play football and you can be the  quarterback of a pro football team one day and   I'm going to support you in doing all this and  the kid may even want to do that okay but holding   these expectations that they are going to be  perfect that they're going to make Varsity their   freshman year that they're going to do all these  things and if they don't achieve your expectations   they feel disappointed in themselves they feel  like they let you down and it's important again   to separate their lovability as a human from their  behaviors yeah it may be disappointing that they   didn't do they didn't make Varsity their freshman  year but was that even a realistic expectation   um so it's important that we also temper what  we think as grown-ups things that seem easy to   us like multitasking um and getting things done  may seem overwhelming to children who don't have   the same cognitive abilities who don't have the  same experience doing things because we know as   we do things over and over again it gets easier  so that's another thing that's really important to   make your expectations realistic based on that  child and their abilities if they've got ADHD   your expectations need to be different than for  a child who doesn't it doesn't mean that a child   with ADHD is any less smart or any less capable  or anything else but your expectations about   their ability to manage their attention in  really overwhelming situations is needs to   be realistic for that child and help them  set realistic expectations for themselves   so they don't constantly feel like they're failing   help us continue to make practical tools available  to everyone by supporting the channel you can   donate any amount at Doc snipes.com slash donate  or on cash app at Doc Snipes you can purchase a   super thanks for any video you particularly like  or you can join the channel at Doc snipes.com join children need to feel like they're loved  liked and capable neglect and abuse can   lead to difficulties and self-regulation and  cause a child to feel ashamed and Powerless   constructive feedback acknowledging successes  providing positive attention respecting   boundaries using positive discipline and  redirection and providing support and   encouragement are all Essential Parenting tools  to raising a child that has a good self-esteem

Channel: Doc Snipes

Views: 2,754

Keywords: Cheap CEUs, Dawn Elise Snipes, LADC CEU, MAC CEU, addiction ceus, all ceus, allceus, ce broker, ce4less, counseling, counseling skills, counseling techniques, counselling, counselor certification, counselor education, crcc, destroy the child, doc snipes, donnelly snipes, hpcsa, lcdc ceus, lcsw ceus, live ceus, lmft ceus, lmhc ceus, masterclass, mental illness, nce, parenting mistakes, parenting tips, raising happy children, self esteem, self help, unlimited ceus, yt:cc=on

Id: DeJSZwoRtxA

Length: 13min 44sec (824 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 13 2023