OVERCOMING LOSS - Jocko Willink

my wife and I suffered three weeks of turmoil which including losing which included losing a child how do I ask the right that moment when we pick up ourselves pick ourselves up and keep moving forward because I am done sulking and we need to move forward basically how to push through so I mean obviously that's heartbreaking and I can't even imagine the pain that you are going through in this situation and it's one of those things we've talked about this before the fact is we don't really have a cultural protocol for what to do when we lose a loved one and you have to basically make up that protocol I can't I can't dictate what that protocol is going to be for you but I can tell you some things from my perspective from some of the things that I've been through I can tell you my perspective on loss and the first thing is that you already know it's going to be wretched and you're not going to escape it and that pain and this is this is something that I've identified the pain that's going to come it's going to come in waves and at first you won't even notice that there waves because all the waves are going to be so close together and they're gonna be so continual and they're gonna be right on top of each other and the pain and the sadness is gonna feel like it's so heavy it's gonna feel like you are drowning in sorrow like you're not gonna get any air and like you're not gonna be able to escape that sadness that's what the waves feel like at first and then at some point there's gonna be a little break just a little break just a little bit of light in the darkness something is gonna make you smile something is gonna make you laugh something's gonna just show you just a little bit of light and I don't know when that's gonna happen and then you're gonna see that little that little smile that little light and then the another wave of pain is gonna come back again and it's gonna be strong and you won't have any control over it you won't be able to say no no I'm I'm in the right now I'm smiling right now I'm not gonna I'm not gonna go back there no you're not gonna be able control it that's scary it's scary because we we get used to as adults hey we can kind of get control of things and all of a sudden you're not gonna have control it's gonna hit you and you're gonna feel it but again like a wave like a wave in the ocean that is gonna eventually subside again and you'll see a little bit of light and you'll get a little bit of a smile and you'll feel okay for a second and then guess what another waves gonna hit you it might not be as strong as that other way to a wave and you might not even notice that it's not as strong but again you can't control your emotions and you'll find yourself this is what I'm talking about factually you're gonna be sitting there and all of a sudden you're gonna be just crying uncontrollably that wave is gonna hit you you're gonna go from normal to just crying uncontrollably and being sad that's what's gonna happen and again you're in your mind you can be thinking I can't control this isn't it's a wave and you're you're at the mercy of this ocean of sorrow but don't let that scare you don't let that scare you because I'm telling you that that wave is going to subside again and this is gonna go on it's gonna go on and the waves they will become weaker and what you need to realize is just because the waves are becoming weaker this doesn't mean that you love your child less or you miss them less or that you aren't crushed at their passing it just means that you're starting to be able to deal with it which is what you're supposed to do and as the waves get weaker which they will they'll also appear less frequently and again that's okay it doesn't mean that you don't think of your child all the time it just means that it's being dealt with and while this is happening while you when you can't when you start to when the weather storm waves start to come a little bit what you can do is you can row the boat you can row the boat one and what I mean by that is start doing something productive to get your mind moving forward I don't know how long this is this this is you know when you feel a little bit of a break then let's do sit a few days go by five days go by three days go by at some point you can't cry anymore okay let's do something productive let's sort out the drawers in the bedroom let's vacuum let's finish a product that's do something productive and if there's something that distracts you that's fine do it let let let there be some calm in the water and also as the as the calm comes also you're gonna find moments where it's like you can you can have things that are gonna bring on the waves and that's okay to bring on the waves go and look at the pictures write down the memories read the letters read the notes read the emails remember and then there's that standard service you're gonna do the memorial you're gonna do the burial and when that's over let a little bit more time go by give yourself another week of washing around of feeling that sorrow of letting the waves toss you around in the ocean but after another week what you do is you go and you write a letter you write a letter to your child and you explain to them explain to them how much they meant to you explain to them how heartbroken you are that they are gone and then explain to them why you are going to carry on why you are going to keep going with them in your heart explain to them why you're not going to dwell in their loss and explain to them how in losing them you have learned without a shred of doubt how truly precious life is and that they have taught you the immeasurable value of your own life and your wife's life and your family's life and explain to them that you know that you know that they loved you and that you know that they would want more than anything for you to be happy and productive and impactful in the world and explained in that letter what you will do to make them proud of how you live your life and then take that letter and go to their grave and read it to them and cry and kiss their soul and tell them that you'll see them on the other side and then go live your life and those waves are still gonna come and they're still going to be pain and they're still going to be sorrow but you go and live your life and live it well and make them proud

Channel: Jocko Podcast

Views: 109,835

Keywords: discipline, freedom, military, extreme ownership, leadership, advice, jocko willink, echelon front, navy seal, jocko podcast, excerpt, echo charles, leader, lead, win, defcor, discipline equals freedom

Id: HzM5NKgd_YA

Length: 10min 52sec (652 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 08 2019